About a Boy (2014–2015): Season 2, Episode 20 - About a Love in the Air - full transcript

You and me, Saturday night.

I am taking you out.

Are you sure?

Yep, absolutely.

You don't have plans
with the wife and kid?

Ha-ha. Fiona's not my wife.

Marcus is not my kid.

Okay, well, you have to admit,

your relationship with
them is pretty odd.

Sometimes odd, sometimes
quite normal.

She accosted my kid, and basically
attacked me the other night.



Okay, well, that would
go in the odd bin.

- You know, Will...
- You and me, Saturday night.

No distractions. Okay?

- Okay.
- No distractions.

Okay.

Oh, man.

My life used to be so simple.

I mean, come on.

Story?

This is Shell Silverstein.

He's an emotional support
turtle I've procured for Marcus

to help him get over
his breakup with Shea.

And before you make

some ridiculous,
immature comment,



I would like to remind you
that this horrific mess

is largely your fault.

Just because I bring
Clay along on a date

does not mean that
that the whole...

Whoa, Nellie.

Darling, why don't you have
a snuggle off Mr. Shell.

I've tuned our ukes.

Now, what do you
want to start with?

We Shall Overcome
or Amazing Grace?

I can't just sit by and
watch this happen.

Marcus, you need to
go back to school,

you need to hold
your head up high,

and you need to show Shea
and the rest of the world

that you're super
fine without her.

Maybe it is time for me
to face society again.

I think we should do five or
six verses of Amazing Grace

and then see where
that leaves us.

I can see why you
wanted to run away.

This is torture for that guy.

Psss, okay, I did not
anticipate this.

I told you this was too soon.

If this turns out badly,
Will, I blame you.

- Oh, there we are.
- Hold Shell Silverstein.

Good luck, darling.

Hey, where have you
been the past few days?

You know, just hanging
and chilling.

I've been performing healing
rituals in the love bubble

with my mom, and if I'm to
be totally honest with you,

we burned a lot of
your stuff in effigy.

You're so weird, Marcus.

Hey, so I got our
tix for the dance.

- Cool.
- Hey, Marv.

Hey, buddy.

Listen.

Granted that this love in the air
thing is a bit of a dark wrinkle.

I still think it was a good
idea that you came to school.

Will, my future has become
crystal clear to me now.

Homeschooling.

Enough of this. New
plan, all right?

No longer are we
going into school

just hoping to blend in.

We are gonna go full makeover,

you're gonna go to that dance,

And you're gonna get a new girl.

I think you may be confusing
me for you, Will.

You don't know this yet, Marcus,

but your stock has gone way up.

You were just dating the
cutest girl in school.

Every girl knows it.

So you are going to the dance,

you are going to bag a new babe,

and I am so excited about it

that I'm gonna come along
with you as your wingman.

Let's go get some tickets.

How did it go?

It went great.

I'm gonna give Marcus a
nice little makeover,

I'm gonna take him to the dance,

and I'm gonna help
him bag a new babe.

- What?
- Now give me the keys.

- I'm driving home.
- What do you mean? I... no.

You almost got into
five accidents.

I was very emotional.

- Exactly, So this is why I should drive.
- No, you're not driving.

- Give me the keys.
- No, I...

You are in no place...

- Give me...
- Just let go.

- I'm gonna bite your finger.

Hey!

So, what's going on here?

Nothing, we're just having
one of our little spats.

- Yeah.
- Hmm.

Just like an old married couple.

- We're not married.
- Old?

- Get in the car.
- I'm not getting in the car.

Just get in the car.

- And get in the car!
- Let me out.

Five seconds!

What's going on?

She gonna be okay in there?

Just crack a window!
Crack a window.

She's fine.

Well, I can see you're
a little busy...

- No, no.
- At the moment.

So, I'll just see
you on Saturday.

Yeah, I'll s...

Saturday.

Is there a problem?

- There is, isn't there?
- No.

And I'm willing to bet

that it is Marcus
and Fiona related.

No, there's no problem.

Just shh.

It's not a problem at all.
Here's the deal.

I was thinking, instead
of going out to dinner,

what if we went to the Love
Is In The Air dance...

What?

You want to take me to
a middle school dance?

Yeah, well, you know, you
told me you never had

a prom experience,

but instead, just have, like,
an awesome time together.

You can have the prom
experience you never had.

I'm gonna pick you up at 7:00
in a limo at your house,

and we're going, okay?

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Just you and me, right?

It's the gonna be the...

It's gonna be the best
prom experience ever.

Okay.

You bastard.

We barely had enough oxygen
to breathe in there...

- Cracked window right there.
- Shell and I.

Ridiculous statement.

We have decided

that we are going
to be chaperones,

Shell and I, for this dance.

You are not going to the dance.

Oh yes, I am. Marcus has to
have someone there for him.

Soon as I find out if it
is all right to bring

a license-pending
therapeutic turtle.

Ridiculous.

Is she walking towards me?

Is that your baby?

She is so adorable.

- Thank you.
- I am practically

this little miracle's uncle.

Oh, wait, you're Marcus, right?

You and Shea are,
like, together?

We were, but then she
dumped me for a...

Marcus has moved on from Shea.

Oh, that's too bad.

Actually, technically,
he's avail

for the dance on Saturday
night, right, bud?

Oh, cool.

Well, you know, I'm
available, too.

You hear that, buddy?

She's available too.

Marcus?

What's going on?

Snap out of it.

Snap out of it.

Excuse us for one sec.

Dude, are you going
into a fugue state?

I don't know.

Part of going into a fugue state

is not knowing when
you're going into one.

Listen to me.

Open up your entire
nervous system

and just repeat whatever words

you hear me saying, okay?

Okay.

- I'd be honored...
- I'd be honored...

If you'd go to the Love Is
In The Air dance with me.

If you'd go to the...

the...

I'm sorry.

You are really a nice girl.

But I'd be doing you wrong
by taking you to this dance.

That's way off book.
Way off book.

My heart is already spoken for.

It is owned by Shea
Garcia-Miller,

and I have to go to
this dance alone

to win back my love.

Jerk.

And your baby isn't
even that cute.

Wha... huh?

Well, you smell like poo.

- That's the baby.
- That is the baby.

Okay, where's a changing
table in this place?

Well, you've really bungled
this one, haven't you?

Because of you, my little boy

has to go to this dance
ostensibly alone.

Okay, I've bungled nothing.

I was about to get him a date,

and he went fugue on me,
and then he went rogue.

Listen to me, and
listen very carefully.

Tonight I am off duty, okay?

I need to salvage my
relationship with Liz.

So bring Marcus's cloak,
your turtles, your ukes...

Whatever it is you need.

Tonight, you are on Marcus duty.

Thank you very
much and good day.

Oh, my God, Will.

I just looked out the window.

You got me a limo to
make a grand entrance

leading up to my grand
gesture to win back Shea!

I did not.

Wait, he wants to win back Shea?

Yeah, in my limo. Come on!

Oh.

Hey, oh, Marcus.

Hey. Listen, buddy.

There... Hey, hey, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Uh... How do I explain this?

Hold on, darling. Listen.

You are a wonderful person,

and I'm just not sure that
Shea has the maturity

to appreciate that just yet.

I want to take that chance.

I need to take that chance.

Thank you so much for
doing this for me, Will.

It means the world to me.

Oh! I've never been in a limo.

There's chocolate-covered
strawberries and champagne.

I knew I was right to
take some of this fabric.

Let's roll.

Liz is gonna kill me.

There she is.

There's my love.

Oh, hang on, look.

It's all... It's
all falling down.

Here, you want to be careful
that that doesn't stick her

if she gets all
snuggly or anything.

Hi.

- Hey.
- Oh.

Great, so you brought Fiona
to the dance instead of me?

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- I was just fixing his thing.

I don't really need to hear
anything from you right now.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm... I'm gonna go
inside and chaperone.

Liz, I can explain.
I can explain.

You know, in the beginning,

I sensed that
whatever was going on

between you and Marcus
and Fiona was weird,

but you insisted that it
wasn't, so I trusted you.

Believe me, it is not
what it looks like.

It looks like you had
a choice to make.

Me or Marcus and Fiona.

And once again, you chose them.

Marcus is devastated.

Your son, Clay, stole Shea.

Oh, my gosh, they're kids, Will.

They break up, and then
they get back together,

and then they break up again.

It's what they do.

Look, I care about Marcus, okay?

And I'm not ashamed to say it.

Yeah, well, Will, I
have a son, too.

What's gonna happen when
we get more serious?

Are you going to put Marcus in
front of Clay every time, too?

No, no, of course not.

And what's the deal with Fiona?

How long are you gonna
have to put up with that?

She's clearly a very
needy, damaged,

borderline psychotic woman.

Whoa, no, no.

She's frustrating and
nutty and, like...

And annoying.

She's very, very annoying.

But she's a good mom,
and she's my friend,

and, listen, like...

I care about you so much,

but just don't say stuff
like that about her.

That's not gonna
get us anywhere.

- Oh, wow.
- Listen to me.

What?

That just pretty
much says it all.

Will, I'm done.

We are done.

I'm a flexible person,

but if I'm gonna go
out with someone,

I cannot be their last priority.

You're not my last priority.

Of course I am.

No.

Uh-oh.

Hey, Marcus.

Good evening, Shea.

Might I speak to your
date for a moment?

Okay.

Thank you.

Sir, I'm going to do
you a greater service

than you have done me
by letting you know

that I shall be taking
your woman this evening.

If you'd like to leave
now, I understand.

What?

Good evening, Shea.

More to come.

That kid is so weird.

So weird.

Did you confiscate that
off middle schoolers?

I can't believe they're bringing
hard liquor into a dance.

Everything all right
with Liz, was it?

She seemed a bit miffed.

Oh, did she?

Did she seem a bit miffed?

- Yeah.
- She dumped me.

Oh.

And I liked her, you know?

I liked her a lot, Fiona.

So, thank you.

Thank you so much.

I hope you're bloody well
not trying to blame me.

How... how could I not?

She literally said
you were the reason.

Sorry. I mean,

I'm a bit upset right now,

and I think you're upset,
so perhaps the best thing

that we could do is some
ujjayi yoga breathing.

Ujjayi? No-jayi!

No memory hole. No tempeh.

No herbal tea. Do you
understand something?

I had a great life, Fiona.

I had a wonderful life.

I loved it. I woke up
at noon every day.

My best part of my
day was figuring out

which of the many
girls at my disposal

that I got to bring
home for the night.

And then you come along,

and you just ruin everything.

It's like, I can't
even man a grill

when I want to man a grill.

I'm building tree houses.

Your insane, penguin-obsessed
ex-husband comes over,

and he's staying in my place
and in my bed... naked.

You take out my crazy stalker
ex-girlfriend to tea,

and then she sues me.

I, like, don't now
have any money.

So just... Here's the deal.

You stay on your side
of the dumbwaiter

from now on, get it?

You have ruined my life.

Did you ever think for a second

that maybe you ruined my life?

That Marcus and I
were completely happy

before you showed up and started
feeding him red meat and sugar,

things that I have never
condoned nor ever will.

Or do you think I enjoy
the fact that you,

a man who has accomplished
precisely nothing with his life,

is my son's primary
male role model?

You made him think
you cared about him.

You were just looking
out for yourself, Will.

You took your girlfriend's
son on Marcus's date

because it was what
was best for you.

Oh, yeah, okay.

You want to go back
to your shallow life

of sleeping till
noon and your bagels

and shagging girls who are 15
years too young for you...

Yes! Yes. I want that.

How many times do I
have to tell you?

- I want that back.
- Okay, good!

Have it back. Stay away from us.

Stay away from Marcus.
Stay away from me.

Stay out of our
love bubble, okay?

No problem.

Excuse me, everybody. May
I have your attention?

My name is Marcus Bowa.

I'm a seventh grader,

and I have something
very important to say.

I don't know about you, but
I'd pretty much give anything

to be holding that
turtle right now.

All my life, people
have told me I'm weird,

but you're the first person
who meant it in a good way.

I realize I'm not like the
typical guy you'd date.

The guy before me has a
goatee and shreds the guitar.

I can neither grow facial hair
nor barely lift a guitar,

but my uke skills are...
They're rapidly improving.

But I digress.

And then there's Clay.

I get it. You're cool.

You're too cool for this dance.

But I'm not afraid
to look uncool

if it means I get to spend
time with you, Shea.

And I don't need headphones
because I would never want to

shut out your melodious voice.

I would never want to shut
out anything about you.

Because you're perfect.

People say you don't find the
love of your life at 12,

but I did.

And her name is
Shea Garcia-Miller.

Aw.

Shut up, pasty.

You're embarrassing me.

Aw.

- That was so beautiful.
- Mm-Hmm.

Did you tell him to say that?

Did you write that
speech for him?

That was all Marcus,
swear to God.

I cannot believe him.

I know.

I cannot believe our boy.

You know, I probably
shouldn't have said

some of the things I
said to you before.

I've seen Marcus grow more

since we moved in
next door to you.

And some of that...

Or a lot of that is due to you.

And it's not just Marcus.

I mean, I've grown.

I never would have
had the courage

to go after Chris or go
after something I wanted.

- You know...
- Mm-Hmm.

Do something for
myself like that.

Yeah.

Well, if I'm being, you know,
honest with you, Fiona,

I... you know, you and Marcus
definitely didn't ruin my life.

- Oh, good.
- Quite the opposite, yeah.

No, I, like...
Honestly, I feel like

I used to... I don't know,

just coast or I... I was
kind of shut down or...

I don't know.

And now I think I just,

you know, feel more...

Like, I... I don't know.

I just feel more.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I do.

You're a good man, Will.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, what
the hell was that?

Gross.

No. No!

- Ugh, yeah.
- That was so gross.

That was definitely the
alcohol there, wasn't it?

Definitely, and we just need
to forget that that happened.

- Please?
- Yeah, it's forgotten.

Okay.

- Although it does bear some analysis.
- No. No, Fiona.

It does, 'cause Freud said in his
introduction to psychology...

Please don't do this.
Please don't do this.

This bears nothing.
It bears nothing.

There was a very interesting
case study in 1937.

Henrik and Ludmila...

I'm begging you... I'm
begging you to shut up.

_