About a Boy (2014–2015): Season 1, Episode 2 - About Total Exuberance - full transcript

Whoever's down here,
I'm armed.

- Did you hear that?
- Yeah, yeah.

That came from your walls!

It's all right, I got it.

Oh, my God, our clothes.

Something moved our clothes.

Oh, no,
we moved our clothes...

- Off our bodies.
- Oh.

What the hell?

Marcus.

Did you get it, Will?



- Marcus?
- What is happening?

Marcus?
This is not cool, man.

I cracked
your network pass code.

You may not want to use
"password" as your password.

It's a little simplistic.

- Marcus?
- Will?

Marcus?

Will?

Hi.

We have a dumbwaiter?

This is all one house, Will.
Isn't this awesome?

We live together!

We do not live together.

Cool, a bra.



Okay, this just got
a little too weird.

Uh, Jenny... Jenny!
Please don't go.

You have a kid in a wall.

- Wha... that's not my kid.
- It's your wall.

Yeah, but...
Please.

- Oh, hi, Dakota.
- Who's Dakota?

Oh...

Good-bye, Will.

Gosh, you really have a type,
don't you?

Hi, mom.
Did you ask him yet?

Did you put my son
in the wall?

I took your son
out of the wall.

You can babysit for me
tomorrow, right, Will?

Oh, yes.
I have a job interview.

And since you don' a job
or clearly do anything...

Whoa, okay.
All right, you know what?

I may not have a job,
but I do... things.

Actually,
you're free and clear.

I checked your iCal
when I hacked your printer.

Why do you have
a waxing appointment?

Listen, I just...
You know, thursdays in general,

they're not good for me.

Why?
What happens on thursdays?

Things just kinda come up.

Like, my bagel store

sometimes makes these
special bagels, asiago cheese.

So if they're
making asiagos,

I kinda need to be available
at a moment's notice.

Oh. Well, if something urgent
like a bagel comes up,

perhaps you could
take Marcus with you.

Yeah, you know,
it's just... thur...

You know, I'd prefer
to keep things open, so...

All right, well,
I'll... I'll try to reschedule it.

Probably hurt my chances but...
Come on, darling.

Get out of the wall.
Come on.

Please, Will?
She really needs the job.

* And I bet
that we could be *

* The best of friends
in the end *

Aw...

So just a couple of hours,
right?

- Right.
- Thank you, Will.

And thank you, dumbwaiter,

for opening our walls
and our hearts.

Aww.

* Here we go

* Well, maybe
it's the common curse *

* Maybe things get bad
before they get worse *

* I don't want
to become someone *

* Who can't live up
to what I've already done, no *

* Here comes the comeback

* The kid is back,
he's back on track *

* And there goes my hero

* He's the underdog
who's coming out on top *

The walls are closing in
around me.

The kid has no boundaries.

He literally came through

the walls of my house,
Andy.

How does he think it's okay
for him to do that?

Kids are annoying.

Not you guys.
You guys are great.

The point is, I need
to establish some boundaries.

I mean, it's one thing if
he comes around and I'm around

and he just shows up
or whatever.

It's cool.
But I need to protect Will time.

- Right?
- "Will time."

First, I'm babysitting
for two hours.

And then I'm taking him
to the movies.

And before you know it, I'm
taking him to look at colleges.

I haven't seen a movie
since 2008.

I gotta
draw some lines here.

It was the duchess.

You know what?
I'm not gonna do it.

I'm out.
I am done.

I'm gonna tell them
that I'm sick.

I'm gonna tell them
that I have food poisoning.

Seriously?

You're right.
I look too good to be sick.

I'm gonna tell them
that I forgot the time.

Dude, you can't cancel.
All right?

She's a single mom
who just moved to town.

What if something comes up?

You'll get an asiago
next thursday.

What's an asiago?

It's just a bagel, sweetie.
It's just a bagel.

You dirty vixen!

No one throws fireballs
at jago!

I'm so sorry.

Hi!

Marcus said you offered
to share your printer.

- No, I did not...
- I just thought

- I should make an extra copy...
- Ever...

- Of my C.V., just in case.
- Say that.

C.V.?

Curriculum vitae.

It's Latin for
"the story of my life."

Yeah, I'd go with "resume."

You know,
until Latin comes back.

Um, just have
a few suggestions

for when you and Marcus
are together.

Uh, if you
could stay off screens,

that would be good.

TV, computer, video games.

Oh, also, if you could make sure
that he doesn't eat

meat, fish, fowl,
gluten, sugar, or dairy.

Okay, what...
What can he eat?

Well, everything else.

Of course, if he eats a nut,
he's dead.

Dead?
Dead dead?

- Close enough.
- Close enough.

Uh, so this
curriculum B.J. of yours,

it, um...
It'd a bit untraditional.

- Thank you.
- Huh. Yeah.

The nomadic years"?

Oh, yes, that was
a period of my life

when I didn't
take a traditional job.

I was just exploring life.
Do you mind?

Exploring life. Yeah.

You can't put that
on a resume.

Why not? I live my life
with complete honesty.

- I have nothing to hide.
- You really do.

If they didn't like
my resume,

why would they have asked me
for an interview?

I don't know,
but you need to take a step

closer to the world that we're
all living in and just lie.

- I don't lie.
- Everyone lies.

- Not I.
- Okay, George Washington.

- That rebel.
- Still bitter?

This is my feelings wheel.

Because we're
hanging out together,

I'm coloring in "excited,"
"comforted," and "fulfilled."

I'm totally fulfilled.

Will, stop!

You're coloring in
"total exuberance."

You can't do that.

I've never experienced
total exuberance.

Lil Jon... TJ...

Charity, pool.

Okay, h-hold on.
Hold on.

Little Jon is having
a-a charity pool party...

- Yes!
- And TJ got us on the list?

- Yes!
- Yes! Yes!

Yes!

No...

Hey, Andy, want
to feelings wheel with us?

I'd love to do that,
but I gotta go to a party

with rock
stars and supermodels

and ice luges,
so I'll see you guys.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, hold on.

Hold on.
You're married with kids.

I'm unmarried without kids.

By all rights, I should
be the one going to the party.

So I'll pay you 50 bucks
to stay here and watch the kid.

Okay, 60 bucks.

I'm gonna send you
some pics of me and women

that I have
no business talking to.

Andy, you know I live
for these parties!

- Bye, Will.
- You're killing me!

* Here I am once again

* At the other end
of the spectrum *

You know, Will, I was really
looking forward to this,

but you've been a grumpy puss
the whole time.

Why is hanging out with me
any less exciting

than hanging out with
those women with bathing suits

that are way too small?

One day,
you'll understand.

If you're
gonna be like this,

why don't we
just go to the party?

Because your mom
would kill me.

My mom
doesn't have to know.

What, so you're saying
you'd lie to your mom?

I've never done it before,
but I'll do it for you, Will.

I mean, it is a charity
at a swimming pool.

For all we know,
there'll be kids there.

Tons of kids.

Lots and lots
of little 11-year-old kids

splashing about,
and the fact is,

we can't just
sit in the house all day

without getting out
into the world.

We need to get some sun.

- I am pale.
- Disturbingly pale.

Freakishly pale.

* Whoo!
Let's go! *

* Whoa,
it's going down in here *

* So hot, girls stripping
to they underwear *

- Bro code of silence?
- Bro code of silence.

Will, look!
High diving*.

Just like
at the Dallas YMCA!!

Yeah, uh, Dallas YMCA.
That's cool.

No, hot.
It's very hot there.

I actually got heat stroke
eight times.

The doctor said my brain
almost melted.

- That's awesome.
- I gotta get on that board!

My mom wouldn't
let me do it at the "Y."

I'm feeling the urge
to color in so many wedges

on my feelings wheel.

Excited, terrified, anxious.

You didn't bring that thing,
did you?

No. I don't want people
to think I'm a weirdo.

To the high dive, Will.
Here come the bros.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, Marcus.

Uh, t-this isn't really
a swimming kind of pool party.

But I got my swimmers on.

And there's a mermaid
swimming in the pool.

Well, yeah,
she's decorative.

And the thing is, like,

I can't go up
on the high dive with you.

I see what's going on here.

You too are scared
of the high dive.

Yeah.

- You sound scared.
- I'm not scared.

How about we work up to it?

Five, six games
of ping-pong.

You know, then we
can do some visualization.

You know,
here's the thing.

I kind of feel like if we hang
out together the whole time,

we're gonna
have too much fun, right?

So, like, why don't we
spend some time on our own,

you know, both of us,
and then we'll meet

at that main cage
in about an hour.

And we can do visual checks
every 15 minutes.

- Visual checks, sounds good.
- Yeah.

Okay, cool.

Will!
Where have you been, man?

This is the party
of the decade.

I've already
gotten three numbers

from three different models.

It's not a competition, TJ.
And I just got here, so...

From t- look at this.Models.

What kind of idiot brings a kid
to a party like this?

- Oh, no idea.
- That's a good question, TJ.

Yeah, who does that?

I'm getting a drink.

- You brought him!
- It's cool, man.

- It was his idea.
- He's 11.

I'm gonna get stuck
babysitting him, aren't I?

You're gonna run off
with a supermodel,

and then I'm gonna end up
watching this kid,

even though this is the first
non-bouncy house party

I've been to in three years!

I am not gonna
unload him on you, okay?

We're doing visual checks.

See?
Chill, man.

Let's get our party on.
Come on.

* Looking fresh when
I'm stepping in the V.I.P. *

* Everybody gonna notice me

* Just zip by like an f-16

* They stare with
they mouth wide open *

* Close your mouth
and let me buy you drinks *

* While I kick it
with this chick in pink *

* She compliment me
on my cufflinks *

* I compliment her
on some other things *

* Where all my fresh,
fly people on the east side? *

* Where all my fresh, fly people
on the east side? *

Hey!

You know, being seen here
could be very good for sriracha.

Sriracha?
Our band broke up ten years ago.

Right, yeah, but everybody
loves a comeback.

You know, we need
to brand up, okay?

You know what I mean?
Publicity, yo.

Watch me here.
Here we go.

Whoo!

- Aah!
- Oh!

Sriracha!

Whoa, I've lost visuals
on Marcus.

Uh, excuse me, guys.

Does anyone have eyes
on a small, pale kid...

Who I can look for later?

Hi. I'm Will.

Hi. Veronica.

- Veronica.
- Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Ice luges, that's so...

- Totally wild.
- Juvenile.

Wildly juvenile, yeah.

I don't even know
what I'm doing here.

- Right?
- Like, ice luges, really?

What, are we at a frat party?
We're adults.

- It's so immature.
- Right?

And what kind of jerk brings
a kid to a party like this?

Oh, that's so wrong.

Hey, because we're here,
why don't we go

to that juvenile, silly,

pointless ice luge
and have a drink?

- Sure.
- Beautiful.

Or we could go to
the chocolate fountain this way.

- Will!
- It's better than that way.

- So...
- Will! Will!

Will, I have shocking news!

The mermaid
is smoking a cigarette!

And she uses the f-word
a lot.

Wait, you two
know each other?

I'm Marcus.
We're best friends.

Best friends?
Oh, that is so dear.

Yeah, see, I saw him earlier,
and as a concerned citizen,

I kind of took him
under my wing, right, bud?

Wow.
That is so kind of you.

Well, technically,
we're neighbors,

but I'd say we're
a whole lot closer than that.

Will and my mom fight a lot,
but I think that may be

because of some deep-seated
animal attraction.

Wait,
you brought him here?

Will you define "brought"?

I need you to help me
do a nut check.

- What?
- A nut check, Will.

Okay, we are nowhere near
that close, man.

At parties, my mom
always takes me around

to check on which
hors d'oeuvres have nuts.

You're 11 years old, okay?

You're old enough
to check your own nuts.

And besides,
I am talking to...

Great.
She's gone. Awesome.

I know, finally.
Some us time.

You wanna see a really long
trail of ants?

No, I don't!

Dude, you cannot ever
come up to another dude

when he's talking to a girl.

You got it?
It's bro code.

Bro code?

What about you were supposed
to meet me at the main cage

20 minutes ago?

Isn't that in the bro code?

I thought we were going
to this party together, Will.

You know what?
Forget it.

Whoa, Marcus.
Come back.

No, it's fine.

Like you said,
I can do my own nut check.

* I'm trying
to go home with you *

- Oh, my God!
- Welcome, welcome.

"Okay!"
How is that?

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about that.

- Isn't that what you say?
- I'm sorry.

- He says that.
- No, I'm sorry about this guy.

- Hi, I'm Will.
- How you doing?

This is Andy.
This is TJ.

We are huge fans,

and this is just
the sickest event, man.

- This is so cool.
- Oh, thank you, man.

It's all about the American
diabetes association.

Just trying to do
a little good in this world.

- You know?
- Nice one, man.

Yeah, diabetes
is awesome, man.

- No.
- You got a visual lately?

- Visual?
- What?

A visual.
Visual...

Oh.

Whoa.

What the hell?

Will! Will! Will!

Who's gil?

You gonna handle
this situation, gil?

Yep.

Okay, this is high.

This is high.

Will! Will!
My body's given up on me.

It's gone into
full survival mode.

I never thought
I'd die like this.

This is no big deal,
buddy, all right?

I'm just gonna come out there
and I'm gonna get you.

Do not come out here.
Don't shake the board.

Don't worry, all right?

Now just...

- Oh, my God!
- I'm sorry! I shook the board!

I shook the board.

I'm really sorry.
All right.

What I want you to do
is turn around slowly.

Slowly...

Slowly...
Good.

Now reach out.
I'm gonna grab your hand.

Grab my...
Grab my... grab! Grab!

- Aah!
- Oh, my God!

Ooh!

Are you okay?

Oh, God.
This is it, Will.

This is where I Will live out
the rest of my days.

- Gil, you got this?
- Yeah, gil.

I'm scared, Will.

I'm feeling feelings
I don't have colors for.

- Jump!
- Get off!

- Do it!
- Jump!

Shut up.

Just block...
Block those people out.

Just listen to me.

Listen to the soothing sound
of my voice, okay?

I've heard your voice.
It says I'm in the way.

Marcus, look at me.

I wasn't a good friend
to you today, all right?

But one thing I know for sure
is you are not in the way.

Okay.

Thanks, Will.

All right,
we're gonna do this.

Take my hand.

Yes! Okay.

Now inch up.
Good. Perfect.

Perfect.
Okay, come on.

Here we go, man.

If there's
one thing I learned today,

I am not cut out
for the high dive.

I'm just not that guy.

I'm the guy who hangs out
at the kiddie pool all day,

stays out of trouble.

Marcus, wait.

Hold on a second.
Wait a minute.

There was one thing
that you wanted

when you walked in here
today, right?

And that was
the high dive board.

Y-you wanted it!

Yeah?

And you may never
have this chance again.

I mean, there are very few
high diving boards anymore.

Probably cause they're
springboards to certain death.

Well, there's also one wedge
in your feelings wheel

that you have never
colored in.

- Total exuberance.
- Total exuberance.

Okay, now, it's totally
up to you, all right?

You can walk
down that ladder...

Or you can go for it.

* And I better be

* Prominently featured

* In your next

* Slideshow

Aah!

Oh! Marcus!

Marcus?

Yeah!

I did it, Will!
I did it!

- Total exuberance!
- Whoo-hoo!

- You gotta do it, Will!
- Oh, no, no, no.

Total exuberance.
Share it with me, Will.

I'll be blue, you'll be yellow.
Together we'll make green!

And we'll make green!

* Slideshow

* I don't know

* What I'm gonna do

Whoo!
We did it, Marcus!

We did it!
Whoo!

I think this
is a hug moment.

I don't know, buddy.
Hugging in water is super hard.

Okay.
All right.

Okay, let's get changed
before your... okay, there she is....

All right, bro code.
Remember?

Bro code.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I really need to talk to you
about something.

Did you go swimming?

- Uh...
- Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I thought we should
get some sun, you know?

It's not good to sit
in front of screens

all day, I think.

How was your playdate?

Uh... good.

Really?

No.
It was great!

I did my own nut check!
I became a man!

I met a mermaid!

She wasn't actually
a mermaid.

She was a video ho!

I'm sorry, Will.

Bro code aside,
I cannot lie to my mother.

Yeah, I picked up on that.

May I talk to you
in private, please?

Where did you take my son?

You said if something came up,
I should bring Marcus with me.

For asiagos,
not video hoes.

How could you take him
to a party with prostitutes?

Oh, no, video hoes
are actually not prostitutes.

It's a...
The "ho" is silent.

See, the fact that you know
that means that you're

even more of a giant twit
than I'd previously thought.

From now on,
we're just neighbors, okay?

You stay out of our lives,
and we'll stay out of yours.

That sounds good. Hello?

Who? The nomadic company?
I don't even...

Oh, my God!
W-w... put it on hold!

- Put 'em on hold!
- Uh, excuse me.

May I put you on hold
for one moment?

Thank you so much.
I'll be right back.

Uh, just
in my interview today,

I-I might have said that you
were the founder and ceo

of the nomadic company

and that we were
the world's leading supplier

of organic staplers,

and that I was the wind
beneath your wings.

Wow.

Wow.
I mean, shame on you.

- You lied.
- But you told me to lie.

So let me
just get this straight.

You want this "giant twit"
to bail you out?

I'm gonna need an apology.

You want me to apologize
to you?

Oh, yeah. To me.
I did a good thing today.

I mean, it was partly bad.

It was...
It almost became very bad.

But the fact is, Marcus had
the time of his life,

and he needed that.

He needed to experience
total exuberance.

I trusted you not to take him
to a party with alcohol

and mermaid video hoes
and God knows what else.

Live leopards.
And that wasn't an apology, no.

All right.
Maybe you were a little right.

And maybe I shouldn't
micromanage every second

that I'm not with Marcus.

And you know,
he probably does need

to experience
total exuberance.

And maybe I should lie
a little bit on my resume

like every other
good American citizen.

If you'll excuse me,
I have a call.

I'm so sorry
about the delay.

I was in the middle
of an intense negotiation.

Sorry. You'd like to hear
about Fiona Bowa.

I don't even know
where to begin.

But I gotta tell you,

she was the wind
beneath my wings.

That's right, yeah.

The air right underneath
those wings.

She's odd,
that's for sure.

Really?
My God, thank you.

I got a job!
I got a job!

I did it!
I did it! I did it!

Oh, my God,
that's awesome!

I know!
We have to celebrate!

Yeah!

* Open up your mind
and see like me *

* Open up your plans
and then you're free *

*Look into your heart and
you'll find love, love, love *

* Dance and sing

* We're just one big family