A Nero Wolfe Mystery (2001–2002): Season 2, Episode 16 - Immune to Murder - full transcript
The State Department asks Wolfe to help them out at the Adirondack lodge of oil magnate O. V. Bragan, hosting a trout-fishing weekend for South American diplomat Theodore Kelefy, who has requested Wolfe be on hand to prepare his famous gourmet trout recipe. Other oil tycoons are also in attendance in hope of securing coveted oil leases from the ambassador. Although Wolfe characteristically takes no part in the fishing component of the excursion, Archie is only too happy to try his hand at landing a prize brook trout. He is distracted by the beautiful and overly flirtatious Mrs. Kelefy, who is not shy about using her considerable charms on men other than her husband. Initially excited when he thinks he's landed a big one, Archie hooks the lifeless body of the Assistant Secretary of State on his line. Wolfe had hoped to exit the lodge immediately after preparing the fish but now finds himself with a more daunting task - hooking and landing the murderer.
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can you get this
on record?
Yeah.
Okay, good... any progress
on getting the interview
with the man himself?
Ahem, the ambassador?
No, Nero Wolfe,
Nero Wolfe.
Yeah, that would be
a real feather in my hat.
Nero Wolfe, man, i'll tell ya,
i'd have a by-line
on the front page of every
newspaper in the country.
(Leeson)
Okay, kid, listen here.
This is an experiment
on how being in nature
away from the secretaries
the pens and paper,
long tables
the formal diplomacy.
How, perhaps,
being in nature
may actually, be able to
change people's minds.
You know, president eisenhower
is actually considering using
camp David as such a place.
When i invited kelefy to come
fish at my lodge, it, ah,
never occurred to me
i was gonna instigate
some kind of an
international incident.
Then the state department
got into it
and the conglomerate
lodged a complaint.
My, my... a complaint!
(kelefy)
These people know
that we have a very rich
cache of oil in our country.
Now, you know
that oil is big money.
You mine it cheaply,
you sell it high.
The only way to do that is to
take it to other countries.
(ferris)
It's always brutal
when you're
talking about fuel.
A resource, oil,
black gold.
Everybody wants it.
(papps)
In this country,
the government meddles more
in the affairs of,
of businessmen.
Whereas, ah, where we are,
it is left up to the businessmen
to really set things straight.
(Archie goodwin)
The new ambassador
from vezenhuego
and wanted to taste
his famous brook trout.
The state department
wanted vezenhuego's oil
and asked Wolfe
for the favor.
(man)
Mr. Goodwin, i presume?
(Archie)
Yes, yes, yes.
(Archie)
Yes, yes, yes. Do you do?
Very good, thank you,
very nice to meet you.
(Wolfe)
This is an abomination!
Ah, mr. Wolfe...
mr. Secretary, Leeson.
I'm...
Archie, i have lumbago
and i will not...
i will be
dining in my room.
That's a hell of a way
to serve your country.
You don't have
lumbago, what it is,
is we've driven 328 miles,
your back is sore.
From 35th street
to the adirondacks,
what do you expect...
confound it,
it's lumbago!
No, it's acute
grumpiness...
lumbago!
20 years ago,
Nero Wolfe got the papers
that made him a u.s. Citizen.
Who is this
vezenhuego idiot?
He'd always been grateful,
so he agreed to cook for
the ambassador
and various
american oil interests
vying for the large
oil contract.
Uh, hello.
(Bragan)
Ah, thank god,
here they are.
Come on in, mr. Wolfe,
welcome to my humble abode!
Very pleased
to meet you, sir.
I'd like you to meet the
ambassador from vezenhuego,
mr. Kelefy
and his wife.
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
I'm a great
admirer of yours.
(laughs)
Dinner will be
at 6:30.
Where is my room?
Your room's right
along there.
(clamoring)
I have lumbago...
i have it.
And, now, i must
eat at a strange table
with a jumble of strangers
in a nightmare, dime-store,
frontier theme park
filled with...
bacteria-infested animals!
So why don't you giddyup on down
to the mess hall and tell them
that i will not be chowing
down with you this evening!
Wolfe's real problem
was aggravated laziness.
Wolfe's real problem
was aggravated laziness. & c
hatter)
When does it stop?
Perhaps a little later on,
after another cocktail.
My wife is r
(Archie)
Why is that unfortunate?
Because the ambassador,
yesterday, caught only two.
Tomorrow, i'm going to have
a migraine not go fishing.
David, we are getting
a townhouse on jay street.
My name is spiros papps.
I am here as advisor
to my good friend,
cy,
i am here as advisor
theodore kelefyriend, en
who is the ambassador
of vezenhuego.
I am an expert
and a financier.
Tell me a little
something about these people
because the introductions,
they were skimpy.
David m. Leeson, assistant
secretary of state.
Oh, yeah,
he called Wolfe.
His influence
with the ambassador
makes him a linchpin
to any deal.
He's very close
to the ambassador.
Oh, okay,
what about her?
Mrs. Sally Leeson, she is an
asset to any career diplomat.
She doesn't look like
she's having a good time,
i'll tell you that.
She's a woman
of many moods.
What about that
one over there?
That is adria kelefy,
wife of the ambassador,
a woman full of life.
Sitting across from you there,
james arthur ferris.
He's gotta be
somebody's lackey
'cause he's sitting
next to the fire, too,
he's burning up in
the frying pan.
No, as a matter of fact,
he's a billionaire.
This guy over here
is a billionaire?
They stick him
next to the fire like me.
He's the head of five
oil syndicates.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Bragan invited the
competition to go fishing?
It was my idea
to invite him.
It was Bragan's idea to
make him uncomfortable.
I'm a man of malice,
mr. Goodwin.
I am a man of guile.
(hysterical laughter)
You're what?
Ah, your excellency!
Madame kelefy,
as the host,
it's my honor to
propose the first toast.
So, i would like to welcome
our honored friends
to the
united states of america,
the land of plenty.
We are
a marvelous machine,
a machine that can
feed the world.
But, a machine that
needs fuel to feed herself.
And, so, we turn
to the little countries,
the backwaters,
who have the resources
but don't know what
to do with them.
And, to them,
we offer a hand.
A hand, of course,
that is filled with the
benefits of civilization.
Our technology,
our medicine, our...
jets, your planes,
your tanks...
and our indoor plumbing,
mr. Ambassador,
don't forget that.
(all laughing)
(continues)
But this exchange
has but one goal:
That you never
forget that texas,
united states of america,
is your friend.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
my toast for this evening
is to a long and prosperous
friendship, mr. Ambassador.
(applause)
I would like to say
how beautiful my wife
looks this evening.
(applause)
Absolutely,
mr. Ambassador.
Mr. Wolfe?
Oh, yes, beautiful.
First, i would like to
thank mr. O.v. Bragan
for providing us with
this haven, this oasis
far away from my
"backwater" country.
(Bragan)
My pleasure, sir.
And far away from the
chitchat of Washington.
I would also like to thank
my dearest David Leeson,
for providing this
magnificent adventure.
And, without whom,
i would never have fallen
so in love with fly fishing.
We are a people of beauty
and passion and great love.
And we pledge friendship,
steadfast loyalty
and the pursuit
of the american dream.
(Bragan)
Hear, hear!
Well said,
mr. Ambassador.
Ferris, you can toast another
time, when you host, maybe.
(papps)
I revel in it, seeing big men
sharing bad blood.
Look at them.
Too damn much hot air!
You know, there is nothing
as petty as a big man.
Little men are rarely
as petty as big men...
look at him.
I mean, hot air!
About your... your
behavior during dinner.
You know how i feel about
disturbances at a meal.
Yes, it was either that
or i fry, so...
i concede that
this was an exception.
This Bragan is either
a dunce or a ruffian.
So, are you going
fishing tomorrow?
No, i'm not going fishing.
See any reason
why i shouldn't?
No, none that i caother than
common sense.
All right,
well, good night.
All right,
well, good ndid you see these?
Look, it's some sort of tribute
to the myth of the frontier.
Yeah, yeah...
Archie, you were right
to oppose this expedition.
These people are engaged
in bitter combat.
In his present humor,
i doubt if the ambassador
could distinguish between
truite bleu
and carp fried in lard.
Archie...
if, uh... if we left tomorrow
right after lunch,
would we be home by bedtime?
Ah, yeah, sure, sure...
good night.
Good night... Archie!
What is this?
Apinata.
Archie, this, uh,
other creature on my bed,
could you remove this?
I doubt i could
sleep with it.
Are you going to sleep?
Yes, i'll sleep,
normally, i do.
I'm gonna play
a little pool first, though.
You must keep your
mind on business.
You were talking entirely
too much at dinner.
Now, we have
things to do here.
We must do them quickly
and efficiently.
I will not have you
embarrass me one more time,
you understand me?
As i came down the stairs,
i noticed papps
had left a few details
out of his introductions.
Last night,
he saw the light.
Let me tely home
and you, sir,
are my guest.
Oh, for god's sake, don't pull
that great man act on me.
If i were you,
i'd be worried about papps.
He's not the kind of man
who stays bought.
Hey, you waiting
for your cue?
What a fool.
Who, uh, ferris?
I honestly thought the
americans would pull together.
Instead, they could sink
the negotiations.
There's other people
that want that oil, y'know.
Well, listen,
tomorrow's another day
and you'll be tasting
Wolfe's cooking.
All right, everybody,
gather round.
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
come on, kids, come on.
Put that cue down,
come on over here!
Come on, you ladies, ladies,
come on in!
Now, then.
(mariachi music)
Let's hear it,
come on!
(cheering)
Bring on
the dancing girls!
(cheering & yelling)
(cheering)
(chatter)
(Archie)
There were a lot of
twists and turns
in the three miles
of river that Bragan owned.
Bragan and kelefy had the two
sections north of the lodge
and Leeson and ferris were
working the two south bends.
If papps developed the headache
he was planning on,
i planned to take his
stretch in the middle.
Good day, everyone.
Ah, yes.
Feeling better today?
No, the pain,
the pain.
His promise
of a migraine
so his boss could
catch a few more fish.
Wish me luck!
Do you see the sheen?
Yes.
Wolfe kept his mind off lumbago
by prepping for the trout.
Where all of the essences
form to make this genius dish.
Here, taste.
Salt.
It needs salt,
ha-ha!
Wh... what did you say?
And a bit of onion,
where's the onion?
Onion!
Wh... what...
you would destroy
th... the delicate taste
of trout with onion!
It's a joke,
it's a joke...
!
It's absolutely perfect,
it's a joke.
You call yourself a chef?
You make a joke in the
middle of proofing a sauce!
You know w witling.
Bragan told me,
not very cordially,
to help myself to supplies.
Well, i ended up with a
walton special three-piece rod,
a poughqueag reel,
a fly box with two dozen
assorted flies.
I estimated that i was
about $400 on the hoof.
It was 10:30
wher.
I wanted to work the section
set aside for papps
until the rest came back.
Then i'd have the river
all to myself.
Will you catch one
for lunch, a fish?
If it's big enough
to keep, i will.
What is the biggest
fish you ever caught?
The biggest fish
i ever caught?
That'd have to be frankie
"the shark" d'angelo.
Was he difficult to catch?
Yes, he put up
quite a struggle.
Now let me try,
i want to...
ah, no no no,
no no.
It'd be fun to
watch you catch a fish
but, see, Bragan lent
this to me and, ah,
but, see, Bragan lent
i can't give it to you.
Now, you
still smoke?
I do, occasionally,
not... oh, pink!
Pink, yes.
Pink, my
favorite color.
How could i
forget pink?
I just want to catch a fish,
why is that wrong?
This is not my gear,
all right?
Bragan, he lent it to me
so there's certain
rule.
Now, listen, i'm sorry.
And i'll show you
how sorry i am.
I will tell you my first thought
when i saw you last evening...
if you'd care to hear it,
would you?
I'm not sure.
Oh, look at her,
she's at it again.
Unbelievable.
You know, she will
never change.
Come, you still
play backgammon?
That big ring on your husband's
left hand, is it an emerald?
Se.
Our
so this is what i was
thinking, i was thinking that
your husband, he ought to
display his assets
a little bit
more effectively.
Oh, yeah?
How?
Well, by combining his assets
you and the emerald, you see.
See, what i would do is,
i would take the emerald
and i would turn it into
an earring
and i would put it
in your right ear.
Your left ear...
what would i do
with
i'm not sure.
Anyway, that's what i would
do with your right ear.
Like it,
i like pearls.
Now give me that rod.
Good morning,
mrs. Kelefy.
Hard at work,
mr. Goodwin?
Indeed.
I just wanted to
catch a fish
and this man won't give me
his rod, let me use your rod.
Do you know
how to use it?
It takes
a certain expertise.
It's all in the wrist,
when you cast.
Now, how can i help you
today, mr. Ferris?
I'm not sure.
I don't know what you're
doing in this kitchen!
(yelling)
It's full of bacteria!
How dare you say
a thing like that!
Diiingg,
diiingg, diiingg!
Diiingg!
Don't terrify
my people here!
I asked you to
julienne these!
That is julienne!
It is not julienne!
It is julienne
according to the french!
I don't care what
the french think!
Ahh... mr. Goodwin.
You're fishing, too.
Eight trout.
Ah, very nice.
I ran into Bragan, he has
had the audacity to catch 12.
That is no way to win
an oil contract.
I mu?? Get back
and show my wife.
She's out fishing
right now.
You think she's
caught something?
She had hook
in a big one.
I must go and show my fish.
I'll see you at lunch!
Hoit, hoit.
Let's go, gentlemen,
every second affects
the texture of the flesh.
I'd only caught three fish when
i started Leeson's stretch.
Then i got a hit that
almost pulled me over.
I couldn't believe it.
This was the grandpa
of all trout.
(papps)
Look at, beautiful!
That is magnificent!
Mr. Wolfe!
We wish to offer you the
praise that you so lavish...
where is he?
He's gone to pack.
Good god!
Thankgod.
(Bragan)
Goodwin, did you see
secretary Leeson?
No, sir.
So unlike him.
He probably just wanted
to fill up his creel.
You always exaggerate about
how many fish you catch.
I got to give you
a little report here.
See, i want you to know
before the others.
I just found secretary Leeson
downstream, clobbered.
Good heavens.
His skull is...
are you listening?
His skull is bashed in
above the temple.
His armpits
are cold as can be.
Maybe we should go.
He's dead.
Perhaps we should leave.
We wouldn't
get past albany.
Why the devil did you
have to go fishing!
I decided that
more proper attire
would be needed to
break the news.
Mrs. Leeson,
i regret to inform you
that secretary Leeson
has been found down...
(screaming)
If you have to,
i will take you there.
Mr. Bragan, i need you to call
the police and a doctor now.
(man)
You put a handkerchief
under the dead man's head?
Yes, i did.
Very sensible.
I'll get a better look
at him in the hospital.
David!
You, smart guy.
Inside.
I understand
that the ambassador
and mrs. Kelefy and mr. Papps
have diplomatic immunity
and therefore
don't have to...
no, no, we would
be very happy to cooperate.
I mean, even diplomats can be
human on occasion.
On behalf of the people
of the state of new york,
i thank you, sir.
Now, according
to your statements,
you all have alibis.
Those of you who were here
in the lodge have witnesses.
Those of you who were down
in the river have fish...
i caught 12 trout!
That takes time,
even if they're biting.
Yes, and
mr. Ferris caught 10
and ambassador kelefy
caught eight.
I mentioned i've been
bothered by poachers
have you investigated
that angle?
Well, l...
why not?!
Because i guess we...
oh, nate, just bring it here.
I, uh, i wrapped it
in newspaper.
Now, this was found 500 feet
downstream from the bend,
wedged between two rocks.
(screaming)
No, no, don't look,
don't look.
I'm sorry,
but this was necessary.
As you can see, it's been
sawed off at both ends
and it wasn't
in the water long enough
to wash away the
blood stains.
(Bragan)
Of course!
Poacher picked up
a branch and... crrk!
There's pieces of wood
like that in the wood pile.
If this was sawed off
at both ends
it means
it was premeditated.
I'd have to agree.
(Bragan)
Find the poacher, man!
What are you wasting
our time for?
Well, sir, because
we've come to a conclusion.
We don't like it, we don't
like it at all, but...
a duty is a duty,
no matter how painful.
What conclusion?
The perpetrator of the murder
is somebody in this lodge.
Now listen here,
my little
good captain colvin!
Do you know who
my guests are?
I certainly do.
There was an article in
the newspaper yesterday
and a dispatch at
headquarters from washington.
Might help to know what state
the negotiations have reached.
You're out of
your depth, colvin.
You certainly are.
The article mentioned
there was a rivalry
between you and mr. Ferris,
they said it was
intense and bitter.
I assume that's a guess
you're making, sergeant.
Americans do not fight with
clubs, not for millions.
Anybsneaked through the woods
and cked up a stick
from that wood pile.
Yes, yes, but the
laws of probability
force us to focus on
the people here.
Not just you, gentlemen.
We have Archie goodwin,
and Nero Wolfe.
According to the same article,
you came here to cook trout?
I was asked to
serve my country.
Baloney, what's
the real reason?
Oh, don't spoil it,
mr. Colvin.
Answer the question,
why are you here?
You have hinted delicately
at a connection between
the death of secretary Leeson
and this contest of oil rights.
The one notable incident i would
add to my statement is that
last night mr. Bragan arranged
the seating at the table
so that mr. Ferris
and mr. Goodwin
were roasted
before our eyes.
Their only choice was
cremation or discourtesy.
Are you through?
Did you listen?
Yes, brilliant,
case solved.
Now, at what time did you and
mr. Goodwin have breakfast?
I had mine early.
Mr. Goodwin
had his at 9:30.
Ah-ha!
Is this significant?
Plenty of time for goodwin
to slip down to the river,
kill mr. Leeson and establish
himself back on the veranda.
Wild conjectures have their
place in an investigation, sir
but it is better
not to blab them
until they are supported by at
least a slender thread of fact.
Your being here
stinks to high heaven.
Now what was the real
reason?
And don't give me
any guff about trout.
Let us be explicit,
do you call me a liar?
I do.
Then there's no
point in going on.
I'm not through with you.
Your statement,
it's absolutely complete?
Yes.
Theryou didn't mention?
No.
Nothing notable?
No.
You don't find it notable
that you came here
to cook
the ambassador's trout...
that's what you say you came
here for, right?
Yes.
And yet, according to the cook,
when you did cook the fish,
you didn't include
the ambassador's.
You don't
find that notable?
Not especially, no.
Well, i do!
I looked at those fish,
there's nothing wrong
with them that i can see.
Ambassador kelefy, did you know
that he didn't cook your fish?
No, i did not,
this is rather a surprise.
Can you think of
any reason why not?
I'm afraid not, but no doubt
mr. Wolfe can supply one.
Well, what about it,
Wolfe... why?
Relate it to the murder,
mr. Colvin.
I don't have to.
Well, the trout are here,
scrutinize them,
dissect them,
send them to the laboratory.
You can conduct a simple
examination.
I don't believe
your story, Wolfe.
I resent your tone,
your diction,
your manners
and your methods!
Only a witling would call
a man of my conceit a liar.
Come, Archie.
(phone ringing)
Captain colvin.
Very nice, mr. Wolfe.
Yes, sir,
how are you...
yes, sir.
Yes, sir, i will,
thank you, sir.
That was district attorney
howard jessel.
He's arriving here at 5:00.
He doesn't want me
to ask any more questions
gets here.
He doesn't want me
to ask any more questionstil he
(Wolfe)
Answer the door.
There's nobody
at the door.
There is a shadow.
Wolfe, i want to talk
to you about something.
Mr. Bragan, don't
stand on ceremony.
Indeed, don't stand at all.
It disconcerts me to
look up at people.
Look, i like the way
you handled colvin.
I didn't,
i want to go home.
Should have toadied him,
i didn't,
vanity comes high. Home. I
well, he's a fool!
The idea that anyone
murdered Leeson is absurd.
Not any more absurd than
the idea of a poacher
selecting a log, then...
would you please sit down?!
All right, maybe
it wasn't a poacher.
Wolfe, i want you to find
who killed Leeson
and i want you to
do it damn quickly!
I can't emphasize
how quickly.
This must be cleared up!
Leeson murdered
in my lodge...
the state department might
decide to freeze me out.
Name your price.
I think not.
If i have a word with
the district attorney,
he'll take your statement and
let you go back to new york.
No.
Mean, no? U
the hell with appeal
i have a reason.
What is it?
I do not wish
to disclose it.
Mr. Bragan, you're
an overbearing man,
but i am a dogged one.
While i owe you
the courtesy of a guest,
i owe you nothing more,
i decline the job.
(knocking)
Come in!
What do you want,
ferris?
Ho, ho,
well, well, Bragan.
I'm glad you're here, i have
something i want to say to you
and i want
witnesses present.
For god's sakes, ferris,
there's been a murder.
Tomorrow, it'll be on the
front page of a thousand papers
tomorrow, i'm going to
go to the district attorney
and tell him the truth.
Congratulations.
About how you had a man
in paris working on kelefy.
And a woman
working on mrs. Kelefy.
And how you put the
screws to Leeson
with some sort of blackmail.
You better watch
what you say, mr. Ferris.
As you say,
there are witnesses.
You thought your dirty scheme
was all set, didn't you?
You had Leeson
eating out of
the palms of your hands,
didn't you?
Ha, ha, oh no,
he started talking to me
and he began to
see the light.
I needed
just one more day.
One more day to close
but that day's come.
And Leeson's
no longer here.
By god, you bought
papps back, didn't you?
You got it.
(laughing)
Let go my arm.
Look, sally...
spiros, go away.
Can't you just
leave me alone?
But, you shouldn't
be alone...
and you've come
to comfort me?
If i can.
Or to save your
precious deal?
Look, sally...
don't you dare!
He trusted you.
(Wolfe)
Pleistocene,
saber-toothed hyenas
hungry for each
other's flesh.
Uh, yeah, yeah,
right, i agree.
Listen, i think
you missed a bet there, see.
If Bragan had talked
the district attorney
into letting us go,
we'd be home in seven hours.
Archie, i'm taking
another bath.
Yeah, fine, but you know,
the fastest way home
is to find the killer and
collect the fee from Bragan.
The investigation is in
captain colvin's thumbs.
(kelefy)
I had hoped, mr. Wolfe,
to thank you for the meal
under happier circumstances.
Yes, well, to be chosen as
an instrument of hospitality
on behalf of my country
is a great honor.
I regret the calamity
that spoiled it.
I thought it might
amuse you to know
how i came to
make the request.
Who knows in advance
what will kill him.
His insatiable curiosity.
We are, as you have guessed,
still curious about you.
Merely curious?
Why did you not cook the fish
my husband caught?
Caprice, i am
a confirmed ecceric.
Still, even a caprice must
spring from something.
No, no, no, a whim,
a freakish dart of the mind.
I see.
I apologize for
my persistence
but in any cause celebre
unexplained facts
give rise to wild rumors.
While the fact that you
did not cook my fish
can't possibly be
connected to the murder,
the gossips will do their
best to invent one.
You see my dilemma?
I do.
What will be thought,
what will not be thought.
Well, what if i to say
that it amused me
to twist the tales of
highly placed persons
and that it provided me
with a touch of mockery
not to cook your fish,
how would that be?
(chuckling)
Excellent,
you will say that?
Yes, i see no
objection to it.
Again, my thanks.
At the present, however,
some unforeseen contingency
might provide one.
Provide what,
an objection?
Yes, perhaps.
I would like to oblige you,
but i cannot
make it a commitment.
I would not
ask it of you.
My gratitude.
Yes, yes.
I hope that
you will permit me
to proffer a token
of my gratitude.
Adria, querida,
i think it
would be fitting
for you to present this
to mr. Wolfe as a token,
a symbol of our
appreciation.
I do beg you to accept this
as a symbol of our gratitude.
Oh, this is
most unnecessary.
If it were necessary, it would
not be so great a pleasure.
Come, my dear.
You wear it monday to fridays,
i wear it weekends.
Well, i'm no art expert.
Could be that
the brown speck
and the crack at the bottom
makes it more valuable
but i'd give it back.
(Archie)
I stared at him.
He did this only when
his brain was going full tilt
with all the wheels whirling
and all the wires singing.
I must make a call.
A phone call,
where's the phone?
?
A phone call,
where's the phone? Parker
yes, who's this?
Ah, mr. Wolfe.
Yes, i need some
information from you.
Mais il faut parler
seulement francais... oui.
Does that
help you at all?
Merci beaucoup.
District attorney jessel,
he'd like to speak with you.
Yes, yes,
first things first.
Mr. Jessel, if i am to
disclose the identity
of the murderer
of mr. Leeson,
i should like to have it done
in the presence of everyone.
I wish you to gather them
all in the great room.
But before i
disclose the murderer,
i wish to speak to the
secretary of state.
Of new york?
Of the united states of
america, you mid-level moron.
I see, well...
i have a "must" too,
mr. Wolfe.
Yes?
You must tell me
what you're going to say!
Impossible, i have
a score to settle.
And you might interfere
with my payment.
The murderer has
foolishly offended
my self-esteem...
you, go!
I'm not gonna...
jasper...
nate.
Make the call.
Mr. Wolfe.
This man is either drunk,
drugged or insane!
(papps)
Let him talk.
When i arrived here,
i was informed
that all of you had
gone fishing the day before.
And so, all had caught a
considerable number of fish.
All of you,
except the ambassador.
That is correct.
My luck was very bad
but, as you know, today,
my luck was good.
Do you know, sir, why i
did not cook your fish?
Caprice...
as you have told me,
you have a very peculiar
sense of humor.
It was at your suggestion
that i concocted
that bogus explanation.
Ahh... one of yours,
mr. Bragan?
(Bragan)
Yes, my...
i did not serve them, sir,
because the fish were not fresh.
Not fresh?
You caught them yesterday,
tied them together
and left them
somewhere in the creek.
Then you came in, pretending
to have caught nothing.
Why would i do
such a thing?
To establish
an alibi, sir.
You brought those fish
in this morning
pretending that you had
spent hours catching them
when in fact,
you were killing Leeson.
(gasps)
(gasps)
(kelefy)
Mr. Wolfe, why would i want
to kill my own best friend?
I could not
surmise that, sir.
But then, you came to my room
to find out if i suspected you.
When i tacitly admitted i did,
you made the mistake of
offering me a bribe.
An emerald...
this emerald.
See, this, mr. Jessel?
This, mr. Jessel,
was the wound to my self-esteem.
A gift from an admirer.
It was a bribe,
to silence me.
Had it measured up
to my conceits,
had it been
the kohinoor diamond,
or even the zabara diamond,
it might have served
its purpose, who can say?
But it is merely a large emerald
with a noticeable flaw.
This is quite fantastic.
But then, sir,
you insisted
that your wife
hand me the emerald.
I believe your words were,
"i think, my dear,
it would be fitting for you
to present it to mr. Wolfe."
Why that choice of words, sir,
why was it fitting?
Diplomatic speech
is flowery.
But rarely
without purpose.
It forced me to
consider her.
Did your wife
drive you to murder?
Since i have been here,
she has exercised her
not-very-subtle charms
on every male guest
in this house.
Of all of them, only
mr. Leeson refused her.
Did mr. Leeson have an
affair with your wife
when he served
in your country?
Oh, don't be absurd!
Preposterous!
David Leeson,
he was just a boy scout.
Sir, answer me.
Sir, answer me!
Yes, it was all her fault.
You had an affair with my
husband in your own house!
You had your claws...
(Archie)
Take it easy, girls.
(speaking
foreign language)
You had your claws
in him so deep,
i got him
called back home.
You went after him again,
as soon as you saw him,
didn't you?
But he wouldn't
have any of it.
So you told your husband
everything, didn't you?
In one of your famous
little fits.
You had him kill David!
Madam!
Why in god's name did you
not say this before?
Because i didn't want
anyone in washington
to know what
a fool David had been.
Besides, what difference
does it make now?
I mean...
the law cannot touch them.
Why not?
He's a killer.
There's one advantage to
being in the woods, mr. Wolfe.
We can at least book him,
hold him until...
hold your tongue,
mr. Colvin.
Not another word.
The kelefys are immune to
prosecution, but we are not.
Now, i asked my lawyer
to read me a statute
on diplomatic im.
Archie, if you will,
read the last paragraph.
(Archie)
Sure, yes.
Ahem, "anyone who obtains
a writ of process
"in violation of this statute
"and every other officer
concerned
"in executing
a writ or process
"shall be deemed a violator
of the law of nations
"a disturber
of the public repose
and shall be imprisoned for
not more than three years."
(Wolfe)
Yes, which is why i insisted
on speaking directly to
the secretary of state.
He confirmed it.
I do not wish to spend
three years in prison
for exposing a murderer.
Congratulations,
mr. Wolfe.
My dear, come.
(kelefy)
Spiros...
spiros.
Mr. Kelefy...
a personal point.
Was it a also a stab
at my self-esteem
that you arranged
for me to be here
for the added
fillip of gullg me?
No, mr. Wolfe.
When i expressed my desire,
i had not yet contemplated
actions that might arouse
your prol interests.
Once i had, i thought
it would be prudent
not to retract
the invitation.
Thank you for lunch.
Nice picture of kelefy,
not many details
hot him
nice picture of kelefy,
coming home from the airport. S
it doesn't say whether
it was for the murder
or ruining
the oil negotiations.
I doubt if he
cared much.
Thank you, Fritz.
"Death is nothing to us.
"That which is dissolved
into its elements,
experiences
no sensations..."
you're using
those eggs?
These eggs were laid
fresh this morning.
"And that which
has no sensation,
is nothing to us."
So you agree with me?
I shall never
forgive him.
For what?
I am fond of trout,
and i shall never
be able to savor it
in just the same way again.
You'll get over it.
Where are you going?
Me?
Ahem, i'm going to
central park zoo... yeah.
I'm taking the widow Leeson.
Showing her the penguins,
make her smile.
Yes, it's my mission
in life to make her smile.
I need you here.
Oh, i'm sorry, my uh,
my country calls... duty.
The orchid list
just arrived, i need you.
Oh, well, i wouldn't
want to miss that.
When i get back.
(phone ringing)
Oh.
Nero Wolfe's office.
Archie good...
uh... yes, sir.
Ye... ye...
i'll ask him, sir.
Who is it?
It's the president.
What?
Of the united states.
And he heard about
your gourmet trout,
he wants to invite you to
camp David for the weekend.
Hold on, sir.
Yes, sir...
no, i am not interested
in a subscription
Archie,
come back here!
Archie!
Captioning made possible by
a&e television networks
a&e television networks
can you get this
on record?
Yeah.
Okay, good... any progress
on getting the interview
with the man himself?
Ahem, the ambassador?
No, Nero Wolfe,
Nero Wolfe.
Yeah, that would be
a real feather in my hat.
Nero Wolfe, man, i'll tell ya,
i'd have a by-line
on the front page of every
newspaper in the country.
(Leeson)
Okay, kid, listen here.
This is an experiment
on how being in nature
away from the secretaries
the pens and paper,
long tables
the formal diplomacy.
How, perhaps,
being in nature
may actually, be able to
change people's minds.
You know, president eisenhower
is actually considering using
camp David as such a place.
When i invited kelefy to come
fish at my lodge, it, ah,
never occurred to me
i was gonna instigate
some kind of an
international incident.
Then the state department
got into it
and the conglomerate
lodged a complaint.
My, my... a complaint!
(kelefy)
These people know
that we have a very rich
cache of oil in our country.
Now, you know
that oil is big money.
You mine it cheaply,
you sell it high.
The only way to do that is to
take it to other countries.
(ferris)
It's always brutal
when you're
talking about fuel.
A resource, oil,
black gold.
Everybody wants it.
(papps)
In this country,
the government meddles more
in the affairs of,
of businessmen.
Whereas, ah, where we are,
it is left up to the businessmen
to really set things straight.
(Archie goodwin)
The new ambassador
from vezenhuego
and wanted to taste
his famous brook trout.
The state department
wanted vezenhuego's oil
and asked Wolfe
for the favor.
(man)
Mr. Goodwin, i presume?
(Archie)
Yes, yes, yes.
(Archie)
Yes, yes, yes. Do you do?
Very good, thank you,
very nice to meet you.
(Wolfe)
This is an abomination!
Ah, mr. Wolfe...
mr. Secretary, Leeson.
I'm...
Archie, i have lumbago
and i will not...
i will be
dining in my room.
That's a hell of a way
to serve your country.
You don't have
lumbago, what it is,
is we've driven 328 miles,
your back is sore.
From 35th street
to the adirondacks,
what do you expect...
confound it,
it's lumbago!
No, it's acute
grumpiness...
lumbago!
20 years ago,
Nero Wolfe got the papers
that made him a u.s. Citizen.
Who is this
vezenhuego idiot?
He'd always been grateful,
so he agreed to cook for
the ambassador
and various
american oil interests
vying for the large
oil contract.
Uh, hello.
(Bragan)
Ah, thank god,
here they are.
Come on in, mr. Wolfe,
welcome to my humble abode!
Very pleased
to meet you, sir.
I'd like you to meet the
ambassador from vezenhuego,
mr. Kelefy
and his wife.
It's a pleasure
to meet you.
I'm a great
admirer of yours.
(laughs)
Dinner will be
at 6:30.
Where is my room?
Your room's right
along there.
(clamoring)
I have lumbago...
i have it.
And, now, i must
eat at a strange table
with a jumble of strangers
in a nightmare, dime-store,
frontier theme park
filled with...
bacteria-infested animals!
So why don't you giddyup on down
to the mess hall and tell them
that i will not be chowing
down with you this evening!
Wolfe's real problem
was aggravated laziness.
Wolfe's real problem
was aggravated laziness. & c
hatter)
When does it stop?
Perhaps a little later on,
after another cocktail.
My wife is r
(Archie)
Why is that unfortunate?
Because the ambassador,
yesterday, caught only two.
Tomorrow, i'm going to have
a migraine not go fishing.
David, we are getting
a townhouse on jay street.
My name is spiros papps.
I am here as advisor
to my good friend,
cy,
i am here as advisor
theodore kelefyriend, en
who is the ambassador
of vezenhuego.
I am an expert
and a financier.
Tell me a little
something about these people
because the introductions,
they were skimpy.
David m. Leeson, assistant
secretary of state.
Oh, yeah,
he called Wolfe.
His influence
with the ambassador
makes him a linchpin
to any deal.
He's very close
to the ambassador.
Oh, okay,
what about her?
Mrs. Sally Leeson, she is an
asset to any career diplomat.
She doesn't look like
she's having a good time,
i'll tell you that.
She's a woman
of many moods.
What about that
one over there?
That is adria kelefy,
wife of the ambassador,
a woman full of life.
Sitting across from you there,
james arthur ferris.
He's gotta be
somebody's lackey
'cause he's sitting
next to the fire, too,
he's burning up in
the frying pan.
No, as a matter of fact,
he's a billionaire.
This guy over here
is a billionaire?
They stick him
next to the fire like me.
He's the head of five
oil syndicates.
Wait a minute,
wait a minute.
Bragan invited the
competition to go fishing?
It was my idea
to invite him.
It was Bragan's idea to
make him uncomfortable.
I'm a man of malice,
mr. Goodwin.
I am a man of guile.
(hysterical laughter)
You're what?
Ah, your excellency!
Madame kelefy,
as the host,
it's my honor to
propose the first toast.
So, i would like to welcome
our honored friends
to the
united states of america,
the land of plenty.
We are
a marvelous machine,
a machine that can
feed the world.
But, a machine that
needs fuel to feed herself.
And, so, we turn
to the little countries,
the backwaters,
who have the resources
but don't know what
to do with them.
And, to them,
we offer a hand.
A hand, of course,
that is filled with the
benefits of civilization.
Our technology,
our medicine, our...
jets, your planes,
your tanks...
and our indoor plumbing,
mr. Ambassador,
don't forget that.
(all laughing)
(continues)
But this exchange
has but one goal:
That you never
forget that texas,
united states of america,
is your friend.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
my toast for this evening
is to a long and prosperous
friendship, mr. Ambassador.
(applause)
I would like to say
how beautiful my wife
looks this evening.
(applause)
Absolutely,
mr. Ambassador.
Mr. Wolfe?
Oh, yes, beautiful.
First, i would like to
thank mr. O.v. Bragan
for providing us with
this haven, this oasis
far away from my
"backwater" country.
(Bragan)
My pleasure, sir.
And far away from the
chitchat of Washington.
I would also like to thank
my dearest David Leeson,
for providing this
magnificent adventure.
And, without whom,
i would never have fallen
so in love with fly fishing.
We are a people of beauty
and passion and great love.
And we pledge friendship,
steadfast loyalty
and the pursuit
of the american dream.
(Bragan)
Hear, hear!
Well said,
mr. Ambassador.
Ferris, you can toast another
time, when you host, maybe.
(papps)
I revel in it, seeing big men
sharing bad blood.
Look at them.
Too damn much hot air!
You know, there is nothing
as petty as a big man.
Little men are rarely
as petty as big men...
look at him.
I mean, hot air!
About your... your
behavior during dinner.
You know how i feel about
disturbances at a meal.
Yes, it was either that
or i fry, so...
i concede that
this was an exception.
This Bragan is either
a dunce or a ruffian.
So, are you going
fishing tomorrow?
No, i'm not going fishing.
See any reason
why i shouldn't?
No, none that i caother than
common sense.
All right,
well, good night.
All right,
well, good ndid you see these?
Look, it's some sort of tribute
to the myth of the frontier.
Yeah, yeah...
Archie, you were right
to oppose this expedition.
These people are engaged
in bitter combat.
In his present humor,
i doubt if the ambassador
could distinguish between
truite bleu
and carp fried in lard.
Archie...
if, uh... if we left tomorrow
right after lunch,
would we be home by bedtime?
Ah, yeah, sure, sure...
good night.
Good night... Archie!
What is this?
Apinata.
Archie, this, uh,
other creature on my bed,
could you remove this?
I doubt i could
sleep with it.
Are you going to sleep?
Yes, i'll sleep,
normally, i do.
I'm gonna play
a little pool first, though.
You must keep your
mind on business.
You were talking entirely
too much at dinner.
Now, we have
things to do here.
We must do them quickly
and efficiently.
I will not have you
embarrass me one more time,
you understand me?
As i came down the stairs,
i noticed papps
had left a few details
out of his introductions.
Last night,
he saw the light.
Let me tely home
and you, sir,
are my guest.
Oh, for god's sake, don't pull
that great man act on me.
If i were you,
i'd be worried about papps.
He's not the kind of man
who stays bought.
Hey, you waiting
for your cue?
What a fool.
Who, uh, ferris?
I honestly thought the
americans would pull together.
Instead, they could sink
the negotiations.
There's other people
that want that oil, y'know.
Well, listen,
tomorrow's another day
and you'll be tasting
Wolfe's cooking.
All right, everybody,
gather round.
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
come on, kids, come on.
Put that cue down,
come on over here!
Come on, you ladies, ladies,
come on in!
Now, then.
(mariachi music)
Let's hear it,
come on!
(cheering)
Bring on
the dancing girls!
(cheering & yelling)
(cheering)
(chatter)
(Archie)
There were a lot of
twists and turns
in the three miles
of river that Bragan owned.
Bragan and kelefy had the two
sections north of the lodge
and Leeson and ferris were
working the two south bends.
If papps developed the headache
he was planning on,
i planned to take his
stretch in the middle.
Good day, everyone.
Ah, yes.
Feeling better today?
No, the pain,
the pain.
His promise
of a migraine
so his boss could
catch a few more fish.
Wish me luck!
Do you see the sheen?
Yes.
Wolfe kept his mind off lumbago
by prepping for the trout.
Where all of the essences
form to make this genius dish.
Here, taste.
Salt.
It needs salt,
ha-ha!
Wh... what did you say?
And a bit of onion,
where's the onion?
Onion!
Wh... what...
you would destroy
th... the delicate taste
of trout with onion!
It's a joke,
it's a joke...
!
It's absolutely perfect,
it's a joke.
You call yourself a chef?
You make a joke in the
middle of proofing a sauce!
You know w witling.
Bragan told me,
not very cordially,
to help myself to supplies.
Well, i ended up with a
walton special three-piece rod,
a poughqueag reel,
a fly box with two dozen
assorted flies.
I estimated that i was
about $400 on the hoof.
It was 10:30
wher.
I wanted to work the section
set aside for papps
until the rest came back.
Then i'd have the river
all to myself.
Will you catch one
for lunch, a fish?
If it's big enough
to keep, i will.
What is the biggest
fish you ever caught?
The biggest fish
i ever caught?
That'd have to be frankie
"the shark" d'angelo.
Was he difficult to catch?
Yes, he put up
quite a struggle.
Now let me try,
i want to...
ah, no no no,
no no.
It'd be fun to
watch you catch a fish
but, see, Bragan lent
this to me and, ah,
but, see, Bragan lent
i can't give it to you.
Now, you
still smoke?
I do, occasionally,
not... oh, pink!
Pink, yes.
Pink, my
favorite color.
How could i
forget pink?
I just want to catch a fish,
why is that wrong?
This is not my gear,
all right?
Bragan, he lent it to me
so there's certain
rule.
Now, listen, i'm sorry.
And i'll show you
how sorry i am.
I will tell you my first thought
when i saw you last evening...
if you'd care to hear it,
would you?
I'm not sure.
Oh, look at her,
she's at it again.
Unbelievable.
You know, she will
never change.
Come, you still
play backgammon?
That big ring on your husband's
left hand, is it an emerald?
Se.
Our
so this is what i was
thinking, i was thinking that
your husband, he ought to
display his assets
a little bit
more effectively.
Oh, yeah?
How?
Well, by combining his assets
you and the emerald, you see.
See, what i would do is,
i would take the emerald
and i would turn it into
an earring
and i would put it
in your right ear.
Your left ear...
what would i do
with
i'm not sure.
Anyway, that's what i would
do with your right ear.
Like it,
i like pearls.
Now give me that rod.
Good morning,
mrs. Kelefy.
Hard at work,
mr. Goodwin?
Indeed.
I just wanted to
catch a fish
and this man won't give me
his rod, let me use your rod.
Do you know
how to use it?
It takes
a certain expertise.
It's all in the wrist,
when you cast.
Now, how can i help you
today, mr. Ferris?
I'm not sure.
I don't know what you're
doing in this kitchen!
(yelling)
It's full of bacteria!
How dare you say
a thing like that!
Diiingg,
diiingg, diiingg!
Diiingg!
Don't terrify
my people here!
I asked you to
julienne these!
That is julienne!
It is not julienne!
It is julienne
according to the french!
I don't care what
the french think!
Ahh... mr. Goodwin.
You're fishing, too.
Eight trout.
Ah, very nice.
I ran into Bragan, he has
had the audacity to catch 12.
That is no way to win
an oil contract.
I mu?? Get back
and show my wife.
She's out fishing
right now.
You think she's
caught something?
She had hook
in a big one.
I must go and show my fish.
I'll see you at lunch!
Hoit, hoit.
Let's go, gentlemen,
every second affects
the texture of the flesh.
I'd only caught three fish when
i started Leeson's stretch.
Then i got a hit that
almost pulled me over.
I couldn't believe it.
This was the grandpa
of all trout.
(papps)
Look at, beautiful!
That is magnificent!
Mr. Wolfe!
We wish to offer you the
praise that you so lavish...
where is he?
He's gone to pack.
Good god!
Thankgod.
(Bragan)
Goodwin, did you see
secretary Leeson?
No, sir.
So unlike him.
He probably just wanted
to fill up his creel.
You always exaggerate about
how many fish you catch.
I got to give you
a little report here.
See, i want you to know
before the others.
I just found secretary Leeson
downstream, clobbered.
Good heavens.
His skull is...
are you listening?
His skull is bashed in
above the temple.
His armpits
are cold as can be.
Maybe we should go.
He's dead.
Perhaps we should leave.
We wouldn't
get past albany.
Why the devil did you
have to go fishing!
I decided that
more proper attire
would be needed to
break the news.
Mrs. Leeson,
i regret to inform you
that secretary Leeson
has been found down...
(screaming)
If you have to,
i will take you there.
Mr. Bragan, i need you to call
the police and a doctor now.
(man)
You put a handkerchief
under the dead man's head?
Yes, i did.
Very sensible.
I'll get a better look
at him in the hospital.
David!
You, smart guy.
Inside.
I understand
that the ambassador
and mrs. Kelefy and mr. Papps
have diplomatic immunity
and therefore
don't have to...
no, no, we would
be very happy to cooperate.
I mean, even diplomats can be
human on occasion.
On behalf of the people
of the state of new york,
i thank you, sir.
Now, according
to your statements,
you all have alibis.
Those of you who were here
in the lodge have witnesses.
Those of you who were down
in the river have fish...
i caught 12 trout!
That takes time,
even if they're biting.
Yes, and
mr. Ferris caught 10
and ambassador kelefy
caught eight.
I mentioned i've been
bothered by poachers
have you investigated
that angle?
Well, l...
why not?!
Because i guess we...
oh, nate, just bring it here.
I, uh, i wrapped it
in newspaper.
Now, this was found 500 feet
downstream from the bend,
wedged between two rocks.
(screaming)
No, no, don't look,
don't look.
I'm sorry,
but this was necessary.
As you can see, it's been
sawed off at both ends
and it wasn't
in the water long enough
to wash away the
blood stains.
(Bragan)
Of course!
Poacher picked up
a branch and... crrk!
There's pieces of wood
like that in the wood pile.
If this was sawed off
at both ends
it means
it was premeditated.
I'd have to agree.
(Bragan)
Find the poacher, man!
What are you wasting
our time for?
Well, sir, because
we've come to a conclusion.
We don't like it, we don't
like it at all, but...
a duty is a duty,
no matter how painful.
What conclusion?
The perpetrator of the murder
is somebody in this lodge.
Now listen here,
my little
good captain colvin!
Do you know who
my guests are?
I certainly do.
There was an article in
the newspaper yesterday
and a dispatch at
headquarters from washington.
Might help to know what state
the negotiations have reached.
You're out of
your depth, colvin.
You certainly are.
The article mentioned
there was a rivalry
between you and mr. Ferris,
they said it was
intense and bitter.
I assume that's a guess
you're making, sergeant.
Americans do not fight with
clubs, not for millions.
Anybsneaked through the woods
and cked up a stick
from that wood pile.
Yes, yes, but the
laws of probability
force us to focus on
the people here.
Not just you, gentlemen.
We have Archie goodwin,
and Nero Wolfe.
According to the same article,
you came here to cook trout?
I was asked to
serve my country.
Baloney, what's
the real reason?
Oh, don't spoil it,
mr. Colvin.
Answer the question,
why are you here?
You have hinted delicately
at a connection between
the death of secretary Leeson
and this contest of oil rights.
The one notable incident i would
add to my statement is that
last night mr. Bragan arranged
the seating at the table
so that mr. Ferris
and mr. Goodwin
were roasted
before our eyes.
Their only choice was
cremation or discourtesy.
Are you through?
Did you listen?
Yes, brilliant,
case solved.
Now, at what time did you and
mr. Goodwin have breakfast?
I had mine early.
Mr. Goodwin
had his at 9:30.
Ah-ha!
Is this significant?
Plenty of time for goodwin
to slip down to the river,
kill mr. Leeson and establish
himself back on the veranda.
Wild conjectures have their
place in an investigation, sir
but it is better
not to blab them
until they are supported by at
least a slender thread of fact.
Your being here
stinks to high heaven.
Now what was the real
reason?
And don't give me
any guff about trout.
Let us be explicit,
do you call me a liar?
I do.
Then there's no
point in going on.
I'm not through with you.
Your statement,
it's absolutely complete?
Yes.
Theryou didn't mention?
No.
Nothing notable?
No.
You don't find it notable
that you came here
to cook
the ambassador's trout...
that's what you say you came
here for, right?
Yes.
And yet, according to the cook,
when you did cook the fish,
you didn't include
the ambassador's.
You don't
find that notable?
Not especially, no.
Well, i do!
I looked at those fish,
there's nothing wrong
with them that i can see.
Ambassador kelefy, did you know
that he didn't cook your fish?
No, i did not,
this is rather a surprise.
Can you think of
any reason why not?
I'm afraid not, but no doubt
mr. Wolfe can supply one.
Well, what about it,
Wolfe... why?
Relate it to the murder,
mr. Colvin.
I don't have to.
Well, the trout are here,
scrutinize them,
dissect them,
send them to the laboratory.
You can conduct a simple
examination.
I don't believe
your story, Wolfe.
I resent your tone,
your diction,
your manners
and your methods!
Only a witling would call
a man of my conceit a liar.
Come, Archie.
(phone ringing)
Captain colvin.
Very nice, mr. Wolfe.
Yes, sir,
how are you...
yes, sir.
Yes, sir, i will,
thank you, sir.
That was district attorney
howard jessel.
He's arriving here at 5:00.
He doesn't want me
to ask any more questions
gets here.
He doesn't want me
to ask any more questionstil he
(Wolfe)
Answer the door.
There's nobody
at the door.
There is a shadow.
Wolfe, i want to talk
to you about something.
Mr. Bragan, don't
stand on ceremony.
Indeed, don't stand at all.
It disconcerts me to
look up at people.
Look, i like the way
you handled colvin.
I didn't,
i want to go home.
Should have toadied him,
i didn't,
vanity comes high. Home. I
well, he's a fool!
The idea that anyone
murdered Leeson is absurd.
Not any more absurd than
the idea of a poacher
selecting a log, then...
would you please sit down?!
All right, maybe
it wasn't a poacher.
Wolfe, i want you to find
who killed Leeson
and i want you to
do it damn quickly!
I can't emphasize
how quickly.
This must be cleared up!
Leeson murdered
in my lodge...
the state department might
decide to freeze me out.
Name your price.
I think not.
If i have a word with
the district attorney,
he'll take your statement and
let you go back to new york.
No.
Mean, no? U
the hell with appeal
i have a reason.
What is it?
I do not wish
to disclose it.
Mr. Bragan, you're
an overbearing man,
but i am a dogged one.
While i owe you
the courtesy of a guest,
i owe you nothing more,
i decline the job.
(knocking)
Come in!
What do you want,
ferris?
Ho, ho,
well, well, Bragan.
I'm glad you're here, i have
something i want to say to you
and i want
witnesses present.
For god's sakes, ferris,
there's been a murder.
Tomorrow, it'll be on the
front page of a thousand papers
tomorrow, i'm going to
go to the district attorney
and tell him the truth.
Congratulations.
About how you had a man
in paris working on kelefy.
And a woman
working on mrs. Kelefy.
And how you put the
screws to Leeson
with some sort of blackmail.
You better watch
what you say, mr. Ferris.
As you say,
there are witnesses.
You thought your dirty scheme
was all set, didn't you?
You had Leeson
eating out of
the palms of your hands,
didn't you?
Ha, ha, oh no,
he started talking to me
and he began to
see the light.
I needed
just one more day.
One more day to close
but that day's come.
And Leeson's
no longer here.
By god, you bought
papps back, didn't you?
You got it.
(laughing)
Let go my arm.
Look, sally...
spiros, go away.
Can't you just
leave me alone?
But, you shouldn't
be alone...
and you've come
to comfort me?
If i can.
Or to save your
precious deal?
Look, sally...
don't you dare!
He trusted you.
(Wolfe)
Pleistocene,
saber-toothed hyenas
hungry for each
other's flesh.
Uh, yeah, yeah,
right, i agree.
Listen, i think
you missed a bet there, see.
If Bragan had talked
the district attorney
into letting us go,
we'd be home in seven hours.
Archie, i'm taking
another bath.
Yeah, fine, but you know,
the fastest way home
is to find the killer and
collect the fee from Bragan.
The investigation is in
captain colvin's thumbs.
(kelefy)
I had hoped, mr. Wolfe,
to thank you for the meal
under happier circumstances.
Yes, well, to be chosen as
an instrument of hospitality
on behalf of my country
is a great honor.
I regret the calamity
that spoiled it.
I thought it might
amuse you to know
how i came to
make the request.
Who knows in advance
what will kill him.
His insatiable curiosity.
We are, as you have guessed,
still curious about you.
Merely curious?
Why did you not cook the fish
my husband caught?
Caprice, i am
a confirmed ecceric.
Still, even a caprice must
spring from something.
No, no, no, a whim,
a freakish dart of the mind.
I see.
I apologize for
my persistence
but in any cause celebre
unexplained facts
give rise to wild rumors.
While the fact that you
did not cook my fish
can't possibly be
connected to the murder,
the gossips will do their
best to invent one.
You see my dilemma?
I do.
What will be thought,
what will not be thought.
Well, what if i to say
that it amused me
to twist the tales of
highly placed persons
and that it provided me
with a touch of mockery
not to cook your fish,
how would that be?
(chuckling)
Excellent,
you will say that?
Yes, i see no
objection to it.
Again, my thanks.
At the present, however,
some unforeseen contingency
might provide one.
Provide what,
an objection?
Yes, perhaps.
I would like to oblige you,
but i cannot
make it a commitment.
I would not
ask it of you.
My gratitude.
Yes, yes.
I hope that
you will permit me
to proffer a token
of my gratitude.
Adria, querida,
i think it
would be fitting
for you to present this
to mr. Wolfe as a token,
a symbol of our
appreciation.
I do beg you to accept this
as a symbol of our gratitude.
Oh, this is
most unnecessary.
If it were necessary, it would
not be so great a pleasure.
Come, my dear.
You wear it monday to fridays,
i wear it weekends.
Well, i'm no art expert.
Could be that
the brown speck
and the crack at the bottom
makes it more valuable
but i'd give it back.
(Archie)
I stared at him.
He did this only when
his brain was going full tilt
with all the wheels whirling
and all the wires singing.
I must make a call.
A phone call,
where's the phone?
?
A phone call,
where's the phone? Parker
yes, who's this?
Ah, mr. Wolfe.
Yes, i need some
information from you.
Mais il faut parler
seulement francais... oui.
Does that
help you at all?
Merci beaucoup.
District attorney jessel,
he'd like to speak with you.
Yes, yes,
first things first.
Mr. Jessel, if i am to
disclose the identity
of the murderer
of mr. Leeson,
i should like to have it done
in the presence of everyone.
I wish you to gather them
all in the great room.
But before i
disclose the murderer,
i wish to speak to the
secretary of state.
Of new york?
Of the united states of
america, you mid-level moron.
I see, well...
i have a "must" too,
mr. Wolfe.
Yes?
You must tell me
what you're going to say!
Impossible, i have
a score to settle.
And you might interfere
with my payment.
The murderer has
foolishly offended
my self-esteem...
you, go!
I'm not gonna...
jasper...
nate.
Make the call.
Mr. Wolfe.
This man is either drunk,
drugged or insane!
(papps)
Let him talk.
When i arrived here,
i was informed
that all of you had
gone fishing the day before.
And so, all had caught a
considerable number of fish.
All of you,
except the ambassador.
That is correct.
My luck was very bad
but, as you know, today,
my luck was good.
Do you know, sir, why i
did not cook your fish?
Caprice...
as you have told me,
you have a very peculiar
sense of humor.
It was at your suggestion
that i concocted
that bogus explanation.
Ahh... one of yours,
mr. Bragan?
(Bragan)
Yes, my...
i did not serve them, sir,
because the fish were not fresh.
Not fresh?
You caught them yesterday,
tied them together
and left them
somewhere in the creek.
Then you came in, pretending
to have caught nothing.
Why would i do
such a thing?
To establish
an alibi, sir.
You brought those fish
in this morning
pretending that you had
spent hours catching them
when in fact,
you were killing Leeson.
(gasps)
(gasps)
(kelefy)
Mr. Wolfe, why would i want
to kill my own best friend?
I could not
surmise that, sir.
But then, you came to my room
to find out if i suspected you.
When i tacitly admitted i did,
you made the mistake of
offering me a bribe.
An emerald...
this emerald.
See, this, mr. Jessel?
This, mr. Jessel,
was the wound to my self-esteem.
A gift from an admirer.
It was a bribe,
to silence me.
Had it measured up
to my conceits,
had it been
the kohinoor diamond,
or even the zabara diamond,
it might have served
its purpose, who can say?
But it is merely a large emerald
with a noticeable flaw.
This is quite fantastic.
But then, sir,
you insisted
that your wife
hand me the emerald.
I believe your words were,
"i think, my dear,
it would be fitting for you
to present it to mr. Wolfe."
Why that choice of words, sir,
why was it fitting?
Diplomatic speech
is flowery.
But rarely
without purpose.
It forced me to
consider her.
Did your wife
drive you to murder?
Since i have been here,
she has exercised her
not-very-subtle charms
on every male guest
in this house.
Of all of them, only
mr. Leeson refused her.
Did mr. Leeson have an
affair with your wife
when he served
in your country?
Oh, don't be absurd!
Preposterous!
David Leeson,
he was just a boy scout.
Sir, answer me.
Sir, answer me!
Yes, it was all her fault.
You had an affair with my
husband in your own house!
You had your claws...
(Archie)
Take it easy, girls.
(speaking
foreign language)
You had your claws
in him so deep,
i got him
called back home.
You went after him again,
as soon as you saw him,
didn't you?
But he wouldn't
have any of it.
So you told your husband
everything, didn't you?
In one of your famous
little fits.
You had him kill David!
Madam!
Why in god's name did you
not say this before?
Because i didn't want
anyone in washington
to know what
a fool David had been.
Besides, what difference
does it make now?
I mean...
the law cannot touch them.
Why not?
He's a killer.
There's one advantage to
being in the woods, mr. Wolfe.
We can at least book him,
hold him until...
hold your tongue,
mr. Colvin.
Not another word.
The kelefys are immune to
prosecution, but we are not.
Now, i asked my lawyer
to read me a statute
on diplomatic im.
Archie, if you will,
read the last paragraph.
(Archie)
Sure, yes.
Ahem, "anyone who obtains
a writ of process
"in violation of this statute
"and every other officer
concerned
"in executing
a writ or process
"shall be deemed a violator
of the law of nations
"a disturber
of the public repose
and shall be imprisoned for
not more than three years."
(Wolfe)
Yes, which is why i insisted
on speaking directly to
the secretary of state.
He confirmed it.
I do not wish to spend
three years in prison
for exposing a murderer.
Congratulations,
mr. Wolfe.
My dear, come.
(kelefy)
Spiros...
spiros.
Mr. Kelefy...
a personal point.
Was it a also a stab
at my self-esteem
that you arranged
for me to be here
for the added
fillip of gullg me?
No, mr. Wolfe.
When i expressed my desire,
i had not yet contemplated
actions that might arouse
your prol interests.
Once i had, i thought
it would be prudent
not to retract
the invitation.
Thank you for lunch.
Nice picture of kelefy,
not many details
hot him
nice picture of kelefy,
coming home from the airport. S
it doesn't say whether
it was for the murder
or ruining
the oil negotiations.
I doubt if he
cared much.
Thank you, Fritz.
"Death is nothing to us.
"That which is dissolved
into its elements,
experiences
no sensations..."
you're using
those eggs?
These eggs were laid
fresh this morning.
"And that which
has no sensation,
is nothing to us."
So you agree with me?
I shall never
forgive him.
For what?
I am fond of trout,
and i shall never
be able to savor it
in just the same way again.
You'll get over it.
Where are you going?
Me?
Ahem, i'm going to
central park zoo... yeah.
I'm taking the widow Leeson.
Showing her the penguins,
make her smile.
Yes, it's my mission
in life to make her smile.
I need you here.
Oh, i'm sorry, my uh,
my country calls... duty.
The orchid list
just arrived, i need you.
Oh, well, i wouldn't
want to miss that.
When i get back.
(phone ringing)
Oh.
Nero Wolfe's office.
Archie good...
uh... yes, sir.
Ye... ye...
i'll ask him, sir.
Who is it?
It's the president.
What?
Of the united states.
And he heard about
your gourmet trout,
he wants to invite you to
camp David for the weekend.
Hold on, sir.
Yes, sir...
no, i am not interested
in a subscription
Archie,
come back here!
Archie!
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