A Different World (1987–1993): Season 3, Episode 21 - Sweet Charity - full transcript
Whitley, Jaleesa, and Freddie secretly plan to raise money for Kim; and Dwayne and Ron portray hoopsters in a commercial.
£ I know my parents loved me £
£ stand behind me
come what may £
£ I know now that I'm ready £
£ for I finally heard them say £
£ it's a different world £
£ than where you come from £
£ yes, it is now, yeah £
£ here's our chance to make it £
£ and if we focus on our goal £
£ you can dish it,
we can take it £
£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £
£ it's a different world £
£ it's a different world £
£ it's a different world £
£ than where you come from £
£ ooh £
£ than where you come from. £
Now, item six:
Last week's
unfortunate grease fire.
Never mind who's responsible
for nearly destroying
my entire life's work.
Now what's important
is that you remember to use
the fire extinguisher.
Is that clear, Clarence peale?
You won't put out flames
jumping up and down
calling for your mama.
Schedule changes.
There will be no changes.
Now start the frying
and, people, let's be careful
in there, please.
Mr. Gaines.
Mm-hmm.
I know you said
no schedule changes
but this really isn't a change.
It's more like a modification.
I'm going to be working
Tuesday for Benny
and Saturday for Helen.
Look like you putting
in more hours than I am.
I'm just filling in
for some people.
You in college
to become a surgeon
not to make burgers.
You burning the candle
at both ends.
You tried to deep-fry
my sponges.
They looked like fish cakes.
You already destroyed
my sponges.
You might hurt yourself.
What if someone asked you
for a Bologna sandwich
you sliced off a half a pound
of meat and two fingers?
I need the hours.
You need fingers.
You can't hold a scalpel
between your toes.
Why do you need all these hours?
Have you gone crazy
with your charge card?
No, I like to work.
It relaxes me.
You can relax here
25 hours a week.
Get somebody else
to do the rest.
Oh, my goodness!
And not him!
Ron:
He stops.
He pops.
He shoots.
And he couldn't hit water
if he fell off a boat.
Now it's time for
my patented Jordan 360 jump.
And my patented
Charles barkley rejection.
Now for my hakeem the dream
monster hook.
Dream on, shorty.
I got five dollars says
I can tie one arm behind my back
and still whup your behind.
Oh, really?
I bet you five dollars
that I can get on my knees
give you 20 and hit 21 quicker
than you can get
turned down for a date.
Well, come get some
of this, homesky.
Let's go.
Ahh!
Man, you slimed all over me.
No.
That was my Dwayne Wayne
super sweat rejection.
That was nasty.
You guys play an intense game.
Play for a team?
No. We couldn't let
our talents be confined
by that n.C.A.A.
Rule book.
Well, I'm shooting
a new mega-pro vitamin
commercial next week.
Chuck Lance.
Hey, chuckie.
You guys are what
I've been looking for.
What would we have to do?
Play basketball and then wait
for the checks to roll in.
Which way to the bank?
Whoa.
Whenever something
sounds too good
a guardian angel
sings in my ear.
Right now I hear "walk on by."
Wait a second.
Take my card.
Talk it over.
If you decide you're in,
give me a call.
But no later than 4:00
on Wednesday.
4:00 Wednesday.
"Chuck Lance.
Commercial director."
Welcome home.
Ohh!
Oh, Walter.
Now that I've got your attention
where the hell have you been?
This is the third time
you've come in
after 5:30 in the morning.
I've been at work.
Nice try.
The pit closes at 10:00 P.M.
Ooh, and smelling
like cheap hooch, too.
It's embalming fluid.
What you drink
is your own business.
Now talk to me.
I'm working
at deaton's funeral parlor.
I need a little extra money.
Now, Kim, the funeral business
is an honest profession
but somehow I don't see you
as a hospitality hostess
for the dead.
Also, I don't want you
coming in my dorm
like some thief in the night
can't you get financial help
somewhere else?
What can I do...
Call home and go,
"hi, mom and dad
"I turned down a scholarship
from orange glow
"because they support apartheid.
"There's no other scholarship
"and I may never be able
to come back to school
so, daddy, get off disability
and get on overtime."
Okay, Walter oakes,
open mouth, insert foot.
I'm sorry, and I'm shocked.
A young person
giving up some money
for something they believe in.
I'm proud of you, Kim.
Thanks, Walter.
But you're still a broke sister.
You got that right.
Maybe your father's precinct
has some kind of hardship...
No, we don't do that.
I'm going to get you
a football scholarship.
Nobody will even notice
don't you worry about this one.
Walter oakes has
some pull on this campus
and so do some of your friends.
No. My friends
don't know about this
and I want to keep it that way.
Promise me
you won't say anything?
Cross my heart and hope to die.
As long as you're not on duty.
Now go on upstairs.
I know our phone bill
is 30 days in arrears
but now wouldn't be a good time
to reach out
and disconnect someone.
How would I call
my mom for the money?
Hello?
A sense of humor must not
be a job requirement.
This just in from the landlord:
"Dear, gentlemen.
"Three-quarters
of a month's rent
"gets you three-quarters
of an apartment.
"The bathroom is now off limits.
"Thank you.
The management, la granade."
I have the solution
to our problems.
We dribble them away on TV.
What happened
to Dwayne "walk on by" Wayne?
I need the toilet.
Give me Chuck's number.
Good, it's not 4:00 yet.
No. We've been cut off!
I've got to find a pay phone.
I need some change.
I need change.
Chill, homey.
Our contracts will be here
in 15 minutes.
I called Chuck.
Bless you, Ron.
Bless you.
Bless you.
Hey, Kim took a stand
and made a sacrifice.
It's so unfair.
Kim told me
that she was selling her scooter
because she was tired
of having helmet head.
We are going to help
that girl raise
her tuition money.
Wait a minute.
Kim didn't want anybody to know.
We could have a rummage sale
or a car wash.
I could play my guitar
in front of the bus station.
£ Kimberly, Kimberly £
£ gonna set South Africa free £
£ Kimberly, Kimberly £
£ come rain, come snow,
come hell or high water £
£ gonna get you some money. £
how about a party?
People can pledge money
to dance to their favorite song.
I will sing at the party.
I shouldn't have
even told y'all.
I just can't take this.
Our little Kimmy
working in a mortuary
with people
who were formerly alive.
She has a lot of pride.
You know, there has been this
terrible stench in the room.
I just thought it was her feet.
Have either of you seen
an actual dead person?
No, and I don't want to.
Well, when I went
to Albert souje's funeral
Louise souje's second husband...
He had a terrible
golfing accident.
He would never admit
that he was stone-deaf
in his left ear.
That's why he didn't hear
my daddy go "fore!"
So they wanted to have
an open casket
because he had to be buried
with his golf clubs.
I was so relieved
when they closed that lid.
We were in the middle
of a heat wave
and he was drawing flies.
Everyone's so afraid of death
but people who were revived
after being clinically dead
say it's a state
of total calm and completeness.
Wow. I wonder
if that's really true.
If Kim finds out
about our fund-raising scheme
we'll find out,
because she'll kill us.
Hey.
How you doing, Walter?
Where you going at this hour?
I'm going to work
at the library.
This time of night
I bet that place is a morgue.
If you all need
any more light bulbs
let me know.
Thank you for
the light bulbs, Walter.
Thank you.
Hey, Kimberly
is there anything
you'd like to say to me?
Or me?
Yeah, don't wait up.
Ohh.
Freddie, we are now
in the fund-raising business
because that girl is our friend.
Because that girl means
the world to us.
I love her.
What if she finds out?
We'll just do what any good,
decent friend will do.
We will lie.
Ladies, let's pick up
a little liquid refreshment.
Then I'm going
to fast break to your table
and steal your hearts.
You already have.
Oh, hello.
Have a seat.
Thank you, darling.
Brother, you take
the one in the skirt.
I'll get the one
that gives spandex a good name.
Leech alert, brother.
Until they heard about
our commercial
these women wouldn't give us
the wrong time of day.
They're trying to use us.
You gonna let a little thing
like that get in our way?
I say we let them use us
tell they use us up.
I can do that.
Pride is overrated.
Head up, Wally.
You like us now.
About as much
as I liked you before...
I don't.
Give me a vanilla shake.
And two root beers.
Walt, you can tell coach Harris
that we might...
Might.
Consider playing
for the maroon and gray.
His prayers have been heard.
We will need some perquisites.
A private interview room
to accommodate all the press
including
Brent musburger's hair.
Personal towel girls...
for those hard-to-reach places.
Don't forget number three:
Small towels for
your hard-to-reach places.
Ha, ha, ha.
Two root beers.
That will be $1.80.
Keep the change.
Nice tipping, scrooge mcduck.
Here you go. Enjoy.
Would you look at this tip jar?
Filled to overflowing.
The third day in a row.
And all just for you.
Some should go to Clarence.
He hasn't caused
one grease fire.
He's been cleaning out
the freezer.
Well, look here.
Another five-dollar bill.
We usually don't
collect this much
in a semester.
That's because
you make your burgers
with lettuce, tomatoes
and a smile.
But you don't know nothing
about holding onto a dollar.
You just dropped your money
right on the floor.
But, Mr. Gaines,
this is my five.
Well, you know what they say...
Finders, keepers.
Losers, weepers.
Oh, yes, ladies.
I've been around many
TV commercial shoots.
It's all very technical.
That man with the camera...
Uh-huh?
Uh-huh?
He's the cameraman.
And see this fellow with
the doughnuts?
He's the doughnut man.
Show biz is in your blood.
Let's come over here
and get some doughnuts.
To what do we owe
this honor, coach?
Don't be calling me coach.
I won't be held responsible
for your sorry
basketball playing.
Over here is where
the talent sits.
Wait a second.
Four chairs?
Hey, Chuck!
Oh, Chuck.
You didn't say anything
about sharing our spotlight.
You'll be playing two on two.
Two on two?
Yeah. Walt, Rick.
We're ready for you over here.
Walt, Rick..?
Rick Barry and Walt Hazzard?
Get out of here!
NBA action is fantastic!
Rick holds the all-time
NBA free throw record.
89 percent, right?
Ninety.
Just don't foul the guy.
Rick Barry.
Walt Hazzard.
My mama named me after you.
Look, I'm not your daddy.
Y'all take it easy
on my guys here, man.
Shooting hoops
with the free throw king
and the playmaker.
Wow! Two living legends.
Take it easy on these old guys.
Give me the ball, pop.
Why is it I always get the guys
that think they can play?
Dwayne!
Underneath!
Underneath!
Looking for this?
Hey, man...
Play number one, man.
All right.
Director:
And action!
Play number two.
All right.
Dwayne:
Wait! Wait!
Chuck, can we do this again?
I started on the wrong foot.
Aren't you calling fouls, man?
Keep playing.
It's perfect.
I think it's time.
I think it's time to quit.
It's time for London Bridges.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Old London Bridges.
Oh.
Okay.
Come on, papa, give me the ball.
I got it.
Play number three.
Yeah!
Oh, get it up!
Yeah!
Nice shot, Dwayne.
We'll edit that one out.
Let's break for five.
Then we'll go in
for the close-ups.
Chuck
something tells me
you didn't hire my boys
because they're photogenic.
You hired them
because they're pitiful.
Actually, I cast them
for both reasons.
Company slogan says it all.
Oh, man, that's cold.
Walter, we're getting
our butts kicked
by the bionic fossils.
Two fossils who took
their mega-pro vitamins.
What?
What?
In a close-up,
these golden words
will flash across
your ugly faces.
"Guess who didn't take
their vitamins today?"
What?!
We're going to be dogged
on national TV?
Mm-hmm.
In 29 languages?
Mm-hmm.
In perpetuity?
Mm-hmm.
But look at the good side.
You'll get to keep
most of the money you make
'cause no self-respecting man,
woman or beast
will be seen with you
after this humiliation.
In perpetuity?
Hi, Kimberly.
Hey.
Call Eric brown and tell him
that you will go
to that semi-formal dance.
I found something you can wear
in my closet.
It's beautiful.
Looks brand-new.
Oh, please.
This is where Kent souje
spilt champagne
and this is where I dribbled
some sauce bearnaise.
And here's where you forgot
to take off the price tag.
Is that what that was?
All this time
I thought a bust wire
was sticking in my ribs.
£ dun dun dah! £
Kim, since you have
no way to get to work
when you're going to work
late at night in the library
where you work,
I bought you this bike.
Say thank you, Kim.
It must have cost, what?
A hundred dollars?
No. No.
Look.
Rusty bell.
Ninety-five.
Cents at the yard sale.
Right. Ninety-five cents.
I knew it.
I knew if you guys found out
I couldn't pay my tuition
you'd do this.
You can't buy cinderella
a new gown and a carriage
and send her off to the ball.
And you can't turn
a pile of tips
into tuition paid in full.
I never left a tip in the pit.
Who else knows?
Knows what?
Kim, you won't believe this.
I found these medical books
lying in the street.
You had no right to do this.
This is not your problem.
Yes, it is.
We are your friends.
It's been hard for you.
We're just trying to help.
You helped, all right.
You managed to turn me
into a charity case.
Thanks a lot.
Does she know how many hours
I spent buying
that little dress?
I got blisters
on top of my corns
on top of my bunions.
I'll never do it again.
Never.
Mr. Gaines?
You know, after a long,
cold winter
it feels good
to have the sun beating
on my head.
I want to talk to you.
Talk to the left.
You blocking my sun.
Here's your money back.
What money?
All these fives
from the tip jar.
How you know they're mine?
I know your crinkle.
You turn up the corner
so the bills
don't stick together.
Oh. Are you going to be
a surgeon or a f.B.I. Agent?
You forgot.
My dad's a detective.
Well, on to plan "b."
Plan "b"?
The velma and Vernon gaines
educational fund.
You and Mrs. Gaines
are not giving me my tuition.
Who said giving?
I'm talking about a loan
made payable in 36 installments
commencing the day
you hang up your shingle.
Don't be late with the checks
'cause velma would charge
a late fee.
Mr. Gaines.
Mm-hmm?
Mr. Gaines.
Yeah?
You are the best,
but I can't take your money.
You're more stubborn
than the lid on a new jar.
It's not money
that's stopping you
from becoming a surgeon.
It's you and that
jumbo-sized pride of yours.
People got to lie
to try and help you.
Nobody's lying...
Don't tell me it's better
to give than receive.
Sometimes you got to learn
to take from people
because giving is what
makes them feel good.
Guess you told me.
Well, I guess I did.
So I guess the only thing
to say is...
Thank you.
Well, it's about time.
I was beginning to fear
for my blood pressure.
What's that foul odor?
It's embalming fluid.
No. That's a grease fire.
Clarence peale!
Clarence peale!
Clarence!
Clarence peale!
You going to burn
the whole house down!
Captioning made possible by
the carsey-Werner company
wrigley's spearmint chewing gum
and nbc.
Captioned by
the caption center
wgbh educational foundation
£ stand behind me
come what may £
£ I know now that I'm ready £
£ for I finally heard them say £
£ it's a different world £
£ than where you come from £
£ yes, it is now, yeah £
£ here's our chance to make it £
£ and if we focus on our goal £
£ you can dish it,
we can take it £
£ hey, just remember
that you've been told £
£ it's a different world £
£ it's a different world £
£ it's a different world £
£ than where you come from £
£ ooh £
£ than where you come from. £
Now, item six:
Last week's
unfortunate grease fire.
Never mind who's responsible
for nearly destroying
my entire life's work.
Now what's important
is that you remember to use
the fire extinguisher.
Is that clear, Clarence peale?
You won't put out flames
jumping up and down
calling for your mama.
Schedule changes.
There will be no changes.
Now start the frying
and, people, let's be careful
in there, please.
Mr. Gaines.
Mm-hmm.
I know you said
no schedule changes
but this really isn't a change.
It's more like a modification.
I'm going to be working
Tuesday for Benny
and Saturday for Helen.
Look like you putting
in more hours than I am.
I'm just filling in
for some people.
You in college
to become a surgeon
not to make burgers.
You burning the candle
at both ends.
You tried to deep-fry
my sponges.
They looked like fish cakes.
You already destroyed
my sponges.
You might hurt yourself.
What if someone asked you
for a Bologna sandwich
you sliced off a half a pound
of meat and two fingers?
I need the hours.
You need fingers.
You can't hold a scalpel
between your toes.
Why do you need all these hours?
Have you gone crazy
with your charge card?
No, I like to work.
It relaxes me.
You can relax here
25 hours a week.
Get somebody else
to do the rest.
Oh, my goodness!
And not him!
Ron:
He stops.
He pops.
He shoots.
And he couldn't hit water
if he fell off a boat.
Now it's time for
my patented Jordan 360 jump.
And my patented
Charles barkley rejection.
Now for my hakeem the dream
monster hook.
Dream on, shorty.
I got five dollars says
I can tie one arm behind my back
and still whup your behind.
Oh, really?
I bet you five dollars
that I can get on my knees
give you 20 and hit 21 quicker
than you can get
turned down for a date.
Well, come get some
of this, homesky.
Let's go.
Ahh!
Man, you slimed all over me.
No.
That was my Dwayne Wayne
super sweat rejection.
That was nasty.
You guys play an intense game.
Play for a team?
No. We couldn't let
our talents be confined
by that n.C.A.A.
Rule book.
Well, I'm shooting
a new mega-pro vitamin
commercial next week.
Chuck Lance.
Hey, chuckie.
You guys are what
I've been looking for.
What would we have to do?
Play basketball and then wait
for the checks to roll in.
Which way to the bank?
Whoa.
Whenever something
sounds too good
a guardian angel
sings in my ear.
Right now I hear "walk on by."
Wait a second.
Take my card.
Talk it over.
If you decide you're in,
give me a call.
But no later than 4:00
on Wednesday.
4:00 Wednesday.
"Chuck Lance.
Commercial director."
Welcome home.
Ohh!
Oh, Walter.
Now that I've got your attention
where the hell have you been?
This is the third time
you've come in
after 5:30 in the morning.
I've been at work.
Nice try.
The pit closes at 10:00 P.M.
Ooh, and smelling
like cheap hooch, too.
It's embalming fluid.
What you drink
is your own business.
Now talk to me.
I'm working
at deaton's funeral parlor.
I need a little extra money.
Now, Kim, the funeral business
is an honest profession
but somehow I don't see you
as a hospitality hostess
for the dead.
Also, I don't want you
coming in my dorm
like some thief in the night
can't you get financial help
somewhere else?
What can I do...
Call home and go,
"hi, mom and dad
"I turned down a scholarship
from orange glow
"because they support apartheid.
"There's no other scholarship
"and I may never be able
to come back to school
so, daddy, get off disability
and get on overtime."
Okay, Walter oakes,
open mouth, insert foot.
I'm sorry, and I'm shocked.
A young person
giving up some money
for something they believe in.
I'm proud of you, Kim.
Thanks, Walter.
But you're still a broke sister.
You got that right.
Maybe your father's precinct
has some kind of hardship...
No, we don't do that.
I'm going to get you
a football scholarship.
Nobody will even notice
don't you worry about this one.
Walter oakes has
some pull on this campus
and so do some of your friends.
No. My friends
don't know about this
and I want to keep it that way.
Promise me
you won't say anything?
Cross my heart and hope to die.
As long as you're not on duty.
Now go on upstairs.
I know our phone bill
is 30 days in arrears
but now wouldn't be a good time
to reach out
and disconnect someone.
How would I call
my mom for the money?
Hello?
A sense of humor must not
be a job requirement.
This just in from the landlord:
"Dear, gentlemen.
"Three-quarters
of a month's rent
"gets you three-quarters
of an apartment.
"The bathroom is now off limits.
"Thank you.
The management, la granade."
I have the solution
to our problems.
We dribble them away on TV.
What happened
to Dwayne "walk on by" Wayne?
I need the toilet.
Give me Chuck's number.
Good, it's not 4:00 yet.
No. We've been cut off!
I've got to find a pay phone.
I need some change.
I need change.
Chill, homey.
Our contracts will be here
in 15 minutes.
I called Chuck.
Bless you, Ron.
Bless you.
Bless you.
Hey, Kim took a stand
and made a sacrifice.
It's so unfair.
Kim told me
that she was selling her scooter
because she was tired
of having helmet head.
We are going to help
that girl raise
her tuition money.
Wait a minute.
Kim didn't want anybody to know.
We could have a rummage sale
or a car wash.
I could play my guitar
in front of the bus station.
£ Kimberly, Kimberly £
£ gonna set South Africa free £
£ Kimberly, Kimberly £
£ come rain, come snow,
come hell or high water £
£ gonna get you some money. £
how about a party?
People can pledge money
to dance to their favorite song.
I will sing at the party.
I shouldn't have
even told y'all.
I just can't take this.
Our little Kimmy
working in a mortuary
with people
who were formerly alive.
She has a lot of pride.
You know, there has been this
terrible stench in the room.
I just thought it was her feet.
Have either of you seen
an actual dead person?
No, and I don't want to.
Well, when I went
to Albert souje's funeral
Louise souje's second husband...
He had a terrible
golfing accident.
He would never admit
that he was stone-deaf
in his left ear.
That's why he didn't hear
my daddy go "fore!"
So they wanted to have
an open casket
because he had to be buried
with his golf clubs.
I was so relieved
when they closed that lid.
We were in the middle
of a heat wave
and he was drawing flies.
Everyone's so afraid of death
but people who were revived
after being clinically dead
say it's a state
of total calm and completeness.
Wow. I wonder
if that's really true.
If Kim finds out
about our fund-raising scheme
we'll find out,
because she'll kill us.
Hey.
How you doing, Walter?
Where you going at this hour?
I'm going to work
at the library.
This time of night
I bet that place is a morgue.
If you all need
any more light bulbs
let me know.
Thank you for
the light bulbs, Walter.
Thank you.
Hey, Kimberly
is there anything
you'd like to say to me?
Or me?
Yeah, don't wait up.
Ohh.
Freddie, we are now
in the fund-raising business
because that girl is our friend.
Because that girl means
the world to us.
I love her.
What if she finds out?
We'll just do what any good,
decent friend will do.
We will lie.
Ladies, let's pick up
a little liquid refreshment.
Then I'm going
to fast break to your table
and steal your hearts.
You already have.
Oh, hello.
Have a seat.
Thank you, darling.
Brother, you take
the one in the skirt.
I'll get the one
that gives spandex a good name.
Leech alert, brother.
Until they heard about
our commercial
these women wouldn't give us
the wrong time of day.
They're trying to use us.
You gonna let a little thing
like that get in our way?
I say we let them use us
tell they use us up.
I can do that.
Pride is overrated.
Head up, Wally.
You like us now.
About as much
as I liked you before...
I don't.
Give me a vanilla shake.
And two root beers.
Walt, you can tell coach Harris
that we might...
Might.
Consider playing
for the maroon and gray.
His prayers have been heard.
We will need some perquisites.
A private interview room
to accommodate all the press
including
Brent musburger's hair.
Personal towel girls...
for those hard-to-reach places.
Don't forget number three:
Small towels for
your hard-to-reach places.
Ha, ha, ha.
Two root beers.
That will be $1.80.
Keep the change.
Nice tipping, scrooge mcduck.
Here you go. Enjoy.
Would you look at this tip jar?
Filled to overflowing.
The third day in a row.
And all just for you.
Some should go to Clarence.
He hasn't caused
one grease fire.
He's been cleaning out
the freezer.
Well, look here.
Another five-dollar bill.
We usually don't
collect this much
in a semester.
That's because
you make your burgers
with lettuce, tomatoes
and a smile.
But you don't know nothing
about holding onto a dollar.
You just dropped your money
right on the floor.
But, Mr. Gaines,
this is my five.
Well, you know what they say...
Finders, keepers.
Losers, weepers.
Oh, yes, ladies.
I've been around many
TV commercial shoots.
It's all very technical.
That man with the camera...
Uh-huh?
Uh-huh?
He's the cameraman.
And see this fellow with
the doughnuts?
He's the doughnut man.
Show biz is in your blood.
Let's come over here
and get some doughnuts.
To what do we owe
this honor, coach?
Don't be calling me coach.
I won't be held responsible
for your sorry
basketball playing.
Over here is where
the talent sits.
Wait a second.
Four chairs?
Hey, Chuck!
Oh, Chuck.
You didn't say anything
about sharing our spotlight.
You'll be playing two on two.
Two on two?
Yeah. Walt, Rick.
We're ready for you over here.
Walt, Rick..?
Rick Barry and Walt Hazzard?
Get out of here!
NBA action is fantastic!
Rick holds the all-time
NBA free throw record.
89 percent, right?
Ninety.
Just don't foul the guy.
Rick Barry.
Walt Hazzard.
My mama named me after you.
Look, I'm not your daddy.
Y'all take it easy
on my guys here, man.
Shooting hoops
with the free throw king
and the playmaker.
Wow! Two living legends.
Take it easy on these old guys.
Give me the ball, pop.
Why is it I always get the guys
that think they can play?
Dwayne!
Underneath!
Underneath!
Looking for this?
Hey, man...
Play number one, man.
All right.
Director:
And action!
Play number two.
All right.
Dwayne:
Wait! Wait!
Chuck, can we do this again?
I started on the wrong foot.
Aren't you calling fouls, man?
Keep playing.
It's perfect.
I think it's time.
I think it's time to quit.
It's time for London Bridges.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Old London Bridges.
Oh.
Okay.
Come on, papa, give me the ball.
I got it.
Play number three.
Yeah!
Oh, get it up!
Yeah!
Nice shot, Dwayne.
We'll edit that one out.
Let's break for five.
Then we'll go in
for the close-ups.
Chuck
something tells me
you didn't hire my boys
because they're photogenic.
You hired them
because they're pitiful.
Actually, I cast them
for both reasons.
Company slogan says it all.
Oh, man, that's cold.
Walter, we're getting
our butts kicked
by the bionic fossils.
Two fossils who took
their mega-pro vitamins.
What?
What?
In a close-up,
these golden words
will flash across
your ugly faces.
"Guess who didn't take
their vitamins today?"
What?!
We're going to be dogged
on national TV?
Mm-hmm.
In 29 languages?
Mm-hmm.
In perpetuity?
Mm-hmm.
But look at the good side.
You'll get to keep
most of the money you make
'cause no self-respecting man,
woman or beast
will be seen with you
after this humiliation.
In perpetuity?
Hi, Kimberly.
Hey.
Call Eric brown and tell him
that you will go
to that semi-formal dance.
I found something you can wear
in my closet.
It's beautiful.
Looks brand-new.
Oh, please.
This is where Kent souje
spilt champagne
and this is where I dribbled
some sauce bearnaise.
And here's where you forgot
to take off the price tag.
Is that what that was?
All this time
I thought a bust wire
was sticking in my ribs.
£ dun dun dah! £
Kim, since you have
no way to get to work
when you're going to work
late at night in the library
where you work,
I bought you this bike.
Say thank you, Kim.
It must have cost, what?
A hundred dollars?
No. No.
Look.
Rusty bell.
Ninety-five.
Cents at the yard sale.
Right. Ninety-five cents.
I knew it.
I knew if you guys found out
I couldn't pay my tuition
you'd do this.
You can't buy cinderella
a new gown and a carriage
and send her off to the ball.
And you can't turn
a pile of tips
into tuition paid in full.
I never left a tip in the pit.
Who else knows?
Knows what?
Kim, you won't believe this.
I found these medical books
lying in the street.
You had no right to do this.
This is not your problem.
Yes, it is.
We are your friends.
It's been hard for you.
We're just trying to help.
You helped, all right.
You managed to turn me
into a charity case.
Thanks a lot.
Does she know how many hours
I spent buying
that little dress?
I got blisters
on top of my corns
on top of my bunions.
I'll never do it again.
Never.
Mr. Gaines?
You know, after a long,
cold winter
it feels good
to have the sun beating
on my head.
I want to talk to you.
Talk to the left.
You blocking my sun.
Here's your money back.
What money?
All these fives
from the tip jar.
How you know they're mine?
I know your crinkle.
You turn up the corner
so the bills
don't stick together.
Oh. Are you going to be
a surgeon or a f.B.I. Agent?
You forgot.
My dad's a detective.
Well, on to plan "b."
Plan "b"?
The velma and Vernon gaines
educational fund.
You and Mrs. Gaines
are not giving me my tuition.
Who said giving?
I'm talking about a loan
made payable in 36 installments
commencing the day
you hang up your shingle.
Don't be late with the checks
'cause velma would charge
a late fee.
Mr. Gaines.
Mm-hmm?
Mr. Gaines.
Yeah?
You are the best,
but I can't take your money.
You're more stubborn
than the lid on a new jar.
It's not money
that's stopping you
from becoming a surgeon.
It's you and that
jumbo-sized pride of yours.
People got to lie
to try and help you.
Nobody's lying...
Don't tell me it's better
to give than receive.
Sometimes you got to learn
to take from people
because giving is what
makes them feel good.
Guess you told me.
Well, I guess I did.
So I guess the only thing
to say is...
Thank you.
Well, it's about time.
I was beginning to fear
for my blood pressure.
What's that foul odor?
It's embalming fluid.
No. That's a grease fire.
Clarence peale!
Clarence peale!
Clarence!
Clarence peale!
You going to burn
the whole house down!
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Captioned by
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