A Different World (1987–1993): Season 1, Episode 11 - Does He or Doesn't He? - full transcript
Jaleesa takes bets on how Dwayne will act when a graduate student tries to seduce him.
£ I KNOW MY PARENTS LOVE ME £
£ STAND BEHIND ME
COME WHAT MAY £
£ I KNOW NOW THAT I'M READY £
£ BECAUSE I FINALLY
HEARD THEM SAY £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ HERE'S A CHANCE TO MAKE IT £
£ IF WE FOCUS ON OUR GOAL £
£ IF YOU DISH IT,
WE CAN TAKE IT £
£ JUST REMEMBER
YOU'VE BEEN TOLD £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
MM-MMM.
MMM!
SHE'S JUST READING.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL
WHEN SHE READS.
MM.
WHY WOULD A BEAUTIFUL
GRADUATE STUDENT LIKE THAT
GO OUT WITH
A FRESHMAN?
IF YOU READ THE PAPERS
YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT
THE CRITICAL SHORTAGE
OF MEN IN THIS COUNTRY.
YOU'VE BEEN
STARING AT HER
FOR ALMOST A WEEK.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE YOUR MOVE?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT COOKING?
THIS IS NOT SOME BARBECUE
CHICKEN YOU THROW ON THE FIRE.
PEGGY IS A GOURMET BABE.
I'M LETTING HER SIMMER.
I'M GOING TO NEED THESE.
DID I TELL YOU?
I SAW CARL YESTERDAY
WITH KAY McGHEE.
BOY, HE DIDN'T WAIT
ONE MINUTE.
PEGGY, CARL IS A JERK.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH
IN THE SEA.
YEAH. SHARKS, BARRACUDAS
OR GUPPIES.
LET'S GO.
IF THERE ARE TWO OF US
IT WON'T LOOK LIKE
I'M HITTING ON HER.
TAKE THESE BOOKS.
I WANT HER TO THINK
MY FRIENDS ARE SMART.
( whistling )
OH, LORD.
YOU KNOW, RON
THE HILLMAN BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT
HAS CONSTRUCTED
THIS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT,
THIS HIGHLY FINE ROBOT CALLED
"THE ULTIMATE WOMAN."
YOU OBVIOUSLY MUST HAVE BEEN
THE PROTOTYPE.
TRULY.
I'LL JUST TAKE
THE ONE BOOK.
I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS BENEATH ME.
IT WAS BENEATH YOU.
I'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU
BY TAKING YOU TO ISLAND PETE'S
FOR SOME HAM STEAK HAWAIIAN.
THAT WON'T
BE NECESSARY.
THIS IS LOW-SODIUM HAM.
I'M JEWISH.
THANKS. SEE YOU.
SHALOM, PEGGY.
JALEESA, WHO
WAS THAT GUY?
"RUMOR HAS IT THAT
THE HILLMAN BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT
"HAS BUILT A ROBOT CALLED
'THE ULTIMATE WOMAN'
AND YOU MUST BE THE PROTOTYPE."
OH, NO, DWAYNE WAYNE.
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS
DEALING WITH A LEGEND.
DWAYNE HAS PROBABLY
HIT ON EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA.
HE'S LIKE McDONALD'S:
"OVER 12 BILLION BOTHERED."
I'M SO TIRED OF THESE FOOLS.
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE,
THEY HAVE TO HIT ON YOU.
YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE.
"YO, BABY, WHAT YOU THINK
OF MY MAN'S SERMON?"
CAN YOU
IMAGINE
IF WOMEN
CAME ONTO MEN LIKE THAT?
"OH, MY MAN, NOW YOU WOULDN'T
MIND IF I JUST WATCH YOU
WALK ACROSS THE FLOOR,
NOW, WOULD YOU?"
HOW ABOUT THIS:
"BABY, BABY, CAN ALL THAT
FINE HAIR BE YOURS?"
"YES, IT IS, DARLING.
I HAVE THE RECEIPT."
I THINK MOST GUYS WOULD LIKE IT
IF WE CAME ONTO THEM.
I BET A LOT OF THEM WOULDN'T.
IF A WOMAN CAME ONTO DWAYNE,
HE'D SAY:
HE MIGHT NOT MAKE
THAT MUCH SENSE.
I THINK HE'D SAY:
"YOU BRING THE CHAMPALE.
I'LL BRING THE CHEESESTEAKS."
HE OFFERED ME
HAM STEAK HAWAIIAN.
WHAT?
I'M INSULTED.
I'M TELLING YOU.
IF A WOMAN CAME ONTO HIM,
HE'D RUN LIKE A DOG.
BET ON IT.
NOW THAT WOULD BE ONE OF
THE ALL-TIME GREAT BETS.
A LITTLE TRICKY
TO PULL OFF.
NOT NECESSARILY.
SOMEONE COULD PRETEND
TO COME ONTO DWAYNE.
I'LL DO IT.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU WILL?
I'LL INVITE THAT FOOL OVER
AND SEE WHAT HE DOES.
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
OKAY, NOW, WAIT.
LET'S KEEP
THIS SIMPLE.
PEGGY COMES ONTO DWAYNE.
WILL HE RESPOND,
OR WILL HE RUN AWAY?
BET ON EITHER PROPOSITION.
AND FROM NOW ON, JUST CALL ME
"JALEESA THE GREEK."
YOU GUYS, I THINK
THIS IS WRONG.
WRONG?
DENISE, WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT DWAYNE WAYNE
OF DWAYNE-WAYNE-GO-AWAY FAME.
I KNOW.
HELLO, LADIES.
JALEESA.
WHITLEY, MILLIE, IF
A WOMAN CAME ONTO DWAYNE
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'D DO?
I THINK ANY WOMAN THAT
WOULD COME ONTO DWAYNE
SHOULD BE UNDER
A DOCTOR'S CARE.
OH, DWAYNE.
HE'S ALWAYS UNDRESSING ME
WITH HIS EYES--
ALL FOUR OF THEM.
PEGGY'S GOING TO SEDUCE DWAYNE.
SURELY YOU'RE NOT
THAT DESPERATE.
WHY, IF YOU SHED A FEW POUNDS,
DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR...
WHITLEY, IT'S A BET.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
MILLIE.
HOW YOU DO?
LET THE GAMES BEGIN.
DWAYNE, THE GIRL IS NOT
INTERESTED IN YOU.
RON, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT HUMAN NATURE?
LISTEN, GIRLS RESPOND
WHEN YOU ACT
LIKE YOU DON'T CARE.
HI, DWAYNE.
PEGGY!
HAVE A SEAT.
THANKS.
I HOPE I DIDN'T SEEM
RUDE IN THE LIBRARY.
RUDE? YOU?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?
RIDICULOUS.
I'M GLAD YOU
FEEL THAT WAY
BECAUSE AS SOON AS I LEFT,
I STARTED THINKING ABOUT
ALL THOSE THINGS
YOU SAID.
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE
VERY, VERY FUNNY.
I LOVE A MAN
WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.
RON, YOU LIKE
FRENCH FRIES, DON'T YOU?
YEAH.
GOOD. SOME MORE JUST
CAME OUT OF THE GREASE.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
GET SOME FOR
ME AND PEGGY.
AND DON'T FORGET
THE CATSUP.
NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
AH, YES, I BELIEVE
I HAD YOU ON THE FLOOR.
YES.
IT'S JUST
AN INNOCENT LITTLE BET.
DWAYNE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW.
BESIDES, IT WILL MAKE A GREAT
STORY FOR OUR 25th REUNION.
AFTERNOON.
OH, JALEESA, I'M
GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.
I WANTED TO PLACE
A SMALL WAGER ON DWAYNE.
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D
FIND GAMBLING MORALLY WRONG.
I REALLY DON'T THINK
ONE TEENSY BET
WILL MAKE THEM
SELL MY SEAT IN HEAVEN.
HECK, NO.
SO WHAT'S
YOUR ACTION?
$5.00 ON DWAYNE
TO TURN TAIL.
DON'T TELL MILLIE.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
HILL-WOMEN.
YOU MUST ADMIT
THAT'S KIND OF CUTE.
MAKE THAT TEN.
TELL HIM AND YOU DIE.
BYE.
BYE.
BYE.
THEY'RE CUTE.
I LIKE THOSE TWO.
I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR CLASS.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT
MY NEW GIRL ANYTIME.
NEW GIRL?
YOU'LL LIKE PEGGY.
PEGGY HARLEY?
WE'RE DINING AT HER PLACE
TOMORROW NIGHT.
DWAYNE, YOU REALLY LIKE HER?
DENISE, IF THERE WERE A LITTLE
SIGN OVER MY HEART
IT WOULD SAY "OCCUPADO."
DWAYNE, ARE YOU SURE
SHE REALLY LIKES YOU?
SHE LAUGHS AT MY JOKES.
YEAH, SHE'S LAUGHING, BUT
NOT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE OBLIQUE.
DWAYNE...
PEGGY MADE A BET ABOUT WHAT YOU
WOULD DO IF SHE CAME ONTO YOU.
WHAT?
THE WHOLE DORM IS
IN ON IT EXCEPT ME.
DENISE, I LOVE THIS.
YOU'RE MAKING UP
SOME COCKAMAMIE STORY
BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS.
I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED.
YOU'RE DEEPLY NUTS.
DWAYNE, I WOULDN'T
LIE TO YOU.
I JUST DON'T WANT
YOU TO GET HURT.
FINE, DON'T ADMIT
YOU'RE JEALOUS.
WE BOTH KNOW
THE TRUTH.
EXCUSE ME.
IS JALEESA STILL HERE?
SHE JUST LEFT
FOR CLASS.
OH, NO.
I WANTED TO PLACE MY BET.
OH, WELL, I'LL FIND HER.
AND DON'T TELL WHITLEY.
SO HOW BIG IS THE POT?
DWAYNE...
THIS IS THE LONGEST YOU'VE
EVER STAYED AFTER GYM CLASS
WITHOUT HAVING
TO RUN SOME LAPS.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RUN SOME NOW,
PUT THEM ON ACCOUNT?
NO, THANKS, COACH.
UH-OH.
WHO'S THE WOMAN?
HOW DID YOU KNOW
IT WAS A WOMAN?
IN CLASS, YOU WERE CLIMBING
ROPES WITHOUT WEARING GLOVES.
WELL, IT WAS
LIKE THIS.
I MET HER.
I MADE HER LAUGH
AND I THOUGHT IT WAS
THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING.
I FOUND OUT THE WHOLE THING
WAS JUST A BET.
WHAT KIND OF BET?
LET'S JUST SAY IT'S A BET
YOU'D EXPECT GUYS TO MAKE.
NOT THAT BET.
COACH, I WANT
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
THAT MAY SURPRISE YOU.
UH...
I'M NOT AS SUCCESSFUL WITH
THE WOMEN AS YOU MIGHT THINK.
I'M, UH...
I'M QUITE SURPRISED
TO HEAR THAT.
SEE, THE AVERAGE CAT
WALKING AROUND TODAY
IS BASICALLY SORRY.
THEY LOOK GOOD.
THEY SMELL NICE.
BUT THEY GOT NO RAP.
AND THE WOMEN GET
CONDITIONED TO THIS.
REALLY?
YEAH, THEN I COME ALONG
AND THEY SAY:
"OOH, THIS BROTHER'S
DIFFERENT.
HE'S FUNNY AND SMART."
BUT THEN THEIR CONDITIONING
TAKES OVER.
START TALKING LIKE:
"OH, HE'LL JUST
GET BORED WITH ME.
OHH."
THEY END UP GIVING ALL THE PLAY
TO THE RAPLESS FELLOWS.
HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED
NOT HAVING A RAP?
YOU KNOW, JUST
TALK TO THE WOMAN
LIKE SHE'S A REGULAR PERSON.
IS THAT YOUR APPROACH--
JUST TALKING?
WELL, YEAH, YOU KNOW
SOMETIMES IT ACTUALLY WORKS.
YOU'RE ONE OF
THE RAPLESS FELLOWS, AREN'T YOU?
DWAYNE, YOUR RAP IS ABOUT
TO OVERTAKE YOU, MAN.
SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR.
PUT THIS WOMAN
COMPLETELY OUT YOUR MIND.
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT IT'S HARD, COACH.
SHE LAUGHED AT ALL MY JOKES.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE IS HISTORY.
RIGHT NOW
SHE'S PROBABLY OUT WITH
ONE OF THOSE RAPLESS FELLOWS.
DWAYNE, MAN,
YOU'RE WELCOME
TO USE THE ROPES
AS LONG AS
YOUR HANDS HOLD OUT.
HERE. MY BET.
MILLIE,
NO CHECKS.
IT'S FROM
A LOCAL BANK.
THEN I SUGGEST YOU GO THERE
AND GET SOME LOCAL CASH.
FINE.
JALEESA, I DON'T
KNOW ABOUT THIS.
OH, GREAT.
IS YOUR CONSCIENCE
SUDDENLY BOTHERING YOU, TOO?
NO, I JUST CAN'T DECIDE
WHICH WAY TO BET.
WELL, WHAT TIME ARE
YOU GOING TO PEGGY'S?
I'M NEVER
GOING TO PEGGY'S.
AND FROM HERE ON IN,
ANY MENTION OF THAT NAME
WILL BE IN THE CONTEXT
OF SERIOUS DOGGING.
YESTERDAY YOU HAD THE GIRL
BUSTING A GUT.
IT WAS A SET-UP.
THIS GIRL MADE A BET
TO SEE WHAT I'D DO
IF SHE CAME ONTO ME.
NO.
YEAH.
SO HOW COME YOU'RE NOT GOING?
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT PRIDE, DO YOU?
ONE OF THE FINEST WOMEN
ON THIS CAMPUS
INVITED YOU OVER
TO HER APARTMENT.
APARTMENT, MAN.
MOST OF US ARE LUCKY
IF WE MEET A GIRL
WITHOUT A ROOMMATE.
YOU GOT A HOMEOWNER.
I'M GOING TO TAKE IT SLOW.
THE GIRL WAS PRETENDING
TO GIVE ME SOME PLAY.
SHE MIGHT START OUT PRETENDING
BUT WHO SAYS
IT HAS TO END UP THAT WAY?
REMEMBER, YOU'RE DWAYNE WAYNE.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT.
THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE A MAN.
SHE'S A WOMAN.
TRUE.
A WOMAN WITH AN APARTMENT.
I MUST HAVE BEEN BUGGING.
I HAVE TO GO.
ALL RIGHT!
AND I WILL WEAR
MY LUCKY RAINBOW SWEATER.
BUT NOT FOR LONG.
Whitley:
NOW, CLIFTINE, YOU
WENT OUT WITH DWAYNE.
IF A WOMAN WERE
TO MAKE ADVANCES
IN HIS DIRECTION
HOW DO YOU THINK
HE WOULD RESPOND?
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
OH, I GET IT.
YOU DIG DWAYNE, AND
YOU WANT TO SNAG HIM.
HMM.
AND I THOUGHT
I WAS BEING SUBTLE.
SO?
HMM.
ASK EUNICE HARPS.
SHE WENT OUT WITH HIM
FOR ALMOST A WEEK.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
GOOD LUCK.
OH, I FORGOT
YOUR NAME.
DENISE HUXTABLE.
DWAYNE, YOU HAVE ON
YOUR LUCKY SWEATER.
YOU'RE GOING TO PEGGY'S,
AREN'T YOU?
LOOK, I AM A MAN.
SHE IS A WOMAN.
SHE HAS AN APARTMENT.
DWAYNE, YOU'RE
INCREDIBLE.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
SELF-RESPECT AND PRIDE?
I THINK THEY'RE OVERRATED.
WHAT IS THIS?
"PEGGY CONVERSATION"?
DENISE...
DWAYNE!
"NUMBER ONE: START SLOW.
MAKE SMALL TALK."
OOH, VERY ORIGINAL.
CAN I HAVE
MY CARDS?
"TWO: MOVE ON TO HUMOR.
NO KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES."
DWAYNE, YOU NEED
SERIOUS HELP.
FINE.
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME LATE.
LOOK, I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY
FOR GOING THROUGH WITH THIS
BUT WHY DON'T YOU PRETEND
THAT I'M PEGGY?
PRETEND YOU'RE PEGGY?
YES, YOU NEED
THE PRACTICE.
LET ME HEAR
THIS SMALL TALK.
OKAY, SMALL TALK.
I WALK IN.
I SCOOP HER PAD.
AND I SAY SOMETHING LIKE,
"NICE PLACE."
OR MAYBE "LOVELY PLACE."
IS "LOVELY" A WORD
A MAN WOULD USE?
LOVELY'S FINE.
LET'S MOVE ON TO HUMOR.
HUMOR.
OKAY.
BEING AS SHE LIVES
IN AN APARTMENT
I FIGURED I'D DO SOMETHING
TOPICAL LIKE:
"PEGGY, I LIKE APARTMENTS,
BUT I ALSO LIKE HOUSES.
"SO I THINK I'LL
BUY AN APARTMENT
AND PUT GRASS IN
THE LIVING ROOM."
MAYBE I'LL
USE THIS
AHEAD OF
THE SMALL TALK.
NO, DWAYNE, DON'T
USE THAT AT ALL.
IT'S AWFUL.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU
THIS NERVOUS.
YOU KNOW WHY
I'M EATING?
I AM EATING SO MY STOMACH
WON'T RUMBLE IN FRONT OF HER.
YOU KNOW, THERE ISN'T
JUST ONE DWAYNE WAYNE.
THERE'S DWAYNE THE SMOOTH.
HE'S A LOVE MACHINE.
THERE'S DWAYNE THE ATHLETIC.
I'M DEADLY FROM THE OUTSIDE.
THEN THERE'S
DWAYNE THE SHY.
HIS KNEES ARE KNOCKING,
AND HE MAY LOSE HIS LUNCH.
I WISH I WEREN'T SO DEEP.
DWAYNE, WOULD YOU
FORGET THESE CARDS?
JUST BE YOURSELF.
YEAH, WHOEVER THAT IS.
SHOW PEGGY
THE REAL YOU--
THE ONE I'VE GOTTEN
TO KNOW AND LIKE.
YOU LIKE ME?
YES.
I CAN BLOW PEGGY OFF ANY TIME.
( doorbell )
COME IN.
AHEM.
COME ON.
DID YOU GET LOST?
NO, I GOT OFF THE ELEVATOR
AND TURNED RIGHT--
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
I SAID TURN LEFT.
LEFT. RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.
WELL, I'M HERE.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH, DO YOU
HAVE ANY SODA?
DIET, NATURALLY.
IS THAT OKAY?
JUST FINE.
JUST MAKE
YOURSELF
AT HOME.
YEP, I WILL.
SHE SAID LEFT, DUFUS.
HUH?
NOTHING.
COME ON, SWEATER.
COME ON, SWEATER.
PLEASE, COME ON, SWEATER.
PLEASE, COME ON, SWEATER.
NO, JUST BE COOL
AND BE YOURSELF.
GOT IT.
GOT MY CARDS HERE.
MM, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
I'M GOING TO
PLAY SOME MUSIC.
MUSIC.
OH, I LOVE THE STUFF.
GOOD.
( romantic music )
WHOO.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY PLACE.
THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE, TOO.
RELAX, I'M NOT
GOING TO BITE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'D LIKE ME TO.
NOT BEFORE
I FINISH MY SODA.
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH.
AND THAT MAKES ME CRAZY.
AND WHEN I'M CRAZY...
I DO SOME FUNNY THINGS.
REALLY?
CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I CAN'T DO IT.
NO, PRACTICE.
JUGGLING TAKES PRACTICE.
DWAYNE, LISTEN TO ME.
THE OTHER DAY WHEN I MET YOU,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A REAL JERK.
WOW.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE ME
CONFUSED WITH SOMEBODY ELSE?
ABSOLUTELY.
ANYWAY, I WAS
MAD AT YOU, MAD AT MEN
SO A BUNCH OF US
MADE A BET
TO SEE WHAT YOU WOULD DO
IF A WOMAN CAME ONTO YOU.
IT WAS WRONG.
I'M SORRY.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT, OKAY?
I'LL GET OVER IT.
IT'S JUST THAT
I WAS REALLY STARTING
TO DIG YOU, YOU KNOW?
OH, DWAYNE...
DWAYNE, I FEEL TERRIBLE.
YOU DO?
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE?
NOT THAT TERRIBLE.
I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS CHEAP.
LISTEN, THE HAM STEAK
HAWAIIAN OFFER STILL HOLDS.
ADMIT ONE THING.
YOU DO THINK
I'M FUNNY, RIGHT?
YES.
WANT TO HEAR
A KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PEGGY
THE BETTING CROWD IS GOING
TO WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING.
SO?
WELL, I WAS
KIND OF WONDERING
IF I COULD MAYBE SPRAY SOME
OF YOUR PERFUME ON MY SWEATER.
LET ME THINK
ABOUT IT.
YEAH, UH, YOU DO THAT.
THE BET WAS WRONG.
JALEESA, THAT WAS
VERY BIG OF YOU TO ADMIT.
THANKS.
NEXT TIME, I'M NOT KEEPING
THE MONEY SO I CAN BET.
WHERE'S PEGGY?
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE HASN'T CALLED.
SHE BACKED OUT
AT THE LAST MINUTE.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I WON! I WON!
I...
ALL RIGHT,
I ADMIT IT.
Captioning made possible by
WRIGLEY'S SPEARMINT CHEWING GUM
and NBC.
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation
£ STAND BEHIND ME
COME WHAT MAY £
£ I KNOW NOW THAT I'M READY £
£ BECAUSE I FINALLY
HEARD THEM SAY £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ HERE'S A CHANCE TO MAKE IT £
£ IF WE FOCUS ON OUR GOAL £
£ IF YOU DISH IT,
WE CAN TAKE IT £
£ JUST REMEMBER
YOU'VE BEEN TOLD £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
£ IT'S A DIFFERENT WORLD £
£ FROM WHERE YOU COME FROM £
MM-MMM.
MMM!
SHE'S JUST READING.
SHE'S BEAUTIFUL
WHEN SHE READS.
MM.
WHY WOULD A BEAUTIFUL
GRADUATE STUDENT LIKE THAT
GO OUT WITH
A FRESHMAN?
IF YOU READ THE PAPERS
YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT
THE CRITICAL SHORTAGE
OF MEN IN THIS COUNTRY.
YOU'VE BEEN
STARING AT HER
FOR ALMOST A WEEK.
WHEN ARE YOU GOING
TO MAKE YOUR MOVE?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT COOKING?
THIS IS NOT SOME BARBECUE
CHICKEN YOU THROW ON THE FIRE.
PEGGY IS A GOURMET BABE.
I'M LETTING HER SIMMER.
I'M GOING TO NEED THESE.
DID I TELL YOU?
I SAW CARL YESTERDAY
WITH KAY McGHEE.
BOY, HE DIDN'T WAIT
ONE MINUTE.
PEGGY, CARL IS A JERK.
THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH
IN THE SEA.
YEAH. SHARKS, BARRACUDAS
OR GUPPIES.
LET'S GO.
IF THERE ARE TWO OF US
IT WON'T LOOK LIKE
I'M HITTING ON HER.
TAKE THESE BOOKS.
I WANT HER TO THINK
MY FRIENDS ARE SMART.
( whistling )
OH, LORD.
YOU KNOW, RON
THE HILLMAN BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT
HAS CONSTRUCTED
THIS HIGHLY INTELLIGENT,
THIS HIGHLY FINE ROBOT CALLED
"THE ULTIMATE WOMAN."
YOU OBVIOUSLY MUST HAVE BEEN
THE PROTOTYPE.
TRULY.
I'LL JUST TAKE
THE ONE BOOK.
I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS BENEATH ME.
IT WAS BENEATH YOU.
I'LL HAVE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU
BY TAKING YOU TO ISLAND PETE'S
FOR SOME HAM STEAK HAWAIIAN.
THAT WON'T
BE NECESSARY.
THIS IS LOW-SODIUM HAM.
I'M JEWISH.
THANKS. SEE YOU.
SHALOM, PEGGY.
JALEESA, WHO
WAS THAT GUY?
"RUMOR HAS IT THAT
THE HILLMAN BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT
"HAS BUILT A ROBOT CALLED
'THE ULTIMATE WOMAN'
AND YOU MUST BE THE PROTOTYPE."
OH, NO, DWAYNE WAYNE.
I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS
DEALING WITH A LEGEND.
DWAYNE HAS PROBABLY
HIT ON EVERY WOMAN IN AMERICA.
HE'S LIKE McDONALD'S:
"OVER 12 BILLION BOTHERED."
I'M SO TIRED OF THESE FOOLS.
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE,
THEY HAVE TO HIT ON YOU.
YOU COULD BE ANYWHERE.
"YO, BABY, WHAT YOU THINK
OF MY MAN'S SERMON?"
CAN YOU
IMAGINE
IF WOMEN
CAME ONTO MEN LIKE THAT?
"OH, MY MAN, NOW YOU WOULDN'T
MIND IF I JUST WATCH YOU
WALK ACROSS THE FLOOR,
NOW, WOULD YOU?"
HOW ABOUT THIS:
"BABY, BABY, CAN ALL THAT
FINE HAIR BE YOURS?"
"YES, IT IS, DARLING.
I HAVE THE RECEIPT."
I THINK MOST GUYS WOULD LIKE IT
IF WE CAME ONTO THEM.
I BET A LOT OF THEM WOULDN'T.
IF A WOMAN CAME ONTO DWAYNE,
HE'D SAY:
HE MIGHT NOT MAKE
THAT MUCH SENSE.
I THINK HE'D SAY:
"YOU BRING THE CHAMPALE.
I'LL BRING THE CHEESESTEAKS."
HE OFFERED ME
HAM STEAK HAWAIIAN.
WHAT?
I'M INSULTED.
I'M TELLING YOU.
IF A WOMAN CAME ONTO HIM,
HE'D RUN LIKE A DOG.
BET ON IT.
NOW THAT WOULD BE ONE OF
THE ALL-TIME GREAT BETS.
A LITTLE TRICKY
TO PULL OFF.
NOT NECESSARILY.
SOMEONE COULD PRETEND
TO COME ONTO DWAYNE.
I'LL DO IT.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
YOU WILL?
I'LL INVITE THAT FOOL OVER
AND SEE WHAT HE DOES.
YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
OKAY, NOW, WAIT.
LET'S KEEP
THIS SIMPLE.
PEGGY COMES ONTO DWAYNE.
WILL HE RESPOND,
OR WILL HE RUN AWAY?
BET ON EITHER PROPOSITION.
AND FROM NOW ON, JUST CALL ME
"JALEESA THE GREEK."
YOU GUYS, I THINK
THIS IS WRONG.
WRONG?
DENISE, WE ARE TALKING
ABOUT DWAYNE WAYNE
OF DWAYNE-WAYNE-GO-AWAY FAME.
I KNOW.
HELLO, LADIES.
JALEESA.
WHITLEY, MILLIE, IF
A WOMAN CAME ONTO DWAYNE
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'D DO?
I THINK ANY WOMAN THAT
WOULD COME ONTO DWAYNE
SHOULD BE UNDER
A DOCTOR'S CARE.
OH, DWAYNE.
HE'S ALWAYS UNDRESSING ME
WITH HIS EYES--
ALL FOUR OF THEM.
PEGGY'S GOING TO SEDUCE DWAYNE.
SURELY YOU'RE NOT
THAT DESPERATE.
WHY, IF YOU SHED A FEW POUNDS,
DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR HAIR...
WHITLEY, IT'S A BET.
WHAT ARE THE ODDS?
MILLIE.
HOW YOU DO?
LET THE GAMES BEGIN.
DWAYNE, THE GIRL IS NOT
INTERESTED IN YOU.
RON, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT HUMAN NATURE?
LISTEN, GIRLS RESPOND
WHEN YOU ACT
LIKE YOU DON'T CARE.
HI, DWAYNE.
PEGGY!
HAVE A SEAT.
THANKS.
I HOPE I DIDN'T SEEM
RUDE IN THE LIBRARY.
RUDE? YOU?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
ISN'T THAT RIDICULOUS?
RIDICULOUS.
I'M GLAD YOU
FEEL THAT WAY
BECAUSE AS SOON AS I LEFT,
I STARTED THINKING ABOUT
ALL THOSE THINGS
YOU SAID.
YOU KNOW, YOU ARE
VERY, VERY FUNNY.
I LOVE A MAN
WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.
RON, YOU LIKE
FRENCH FRIES, DON'T YOU?
YEAH.
GOOD. SOME MORE JUST
CAME OUT OF THE GREASE.
I'M NOT HUNGRY.
GET SOME FOR
ME AND PEGGY.
AND DON'T FORGET
THE CATSUP.
NOW, WHERE WERE WE?
AH, YES, I BELIEVE
I HAD YOU ON THE FLOOR.
YES.
IT'S JUST
AN INNOCENT LITTLE BET.
DWAYNE HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW.
BESIDES, IT WILL MAKE A GREAT
STORY FOR OUR 25th REUNION.
AFTERNOON.
OH, JALEESA, I'M
GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.
I WANTED TO PLACE
A SMALL WAGER ON DWAYNE.
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D
FIND GAMBLING MORALLY WRONG.
I REALLY DON'T THINK
ONE TEENSY BET
WILL MAKE THEM
SELL MY SEAT IN HEAVEN.
HECK, NO.
SO WHAT'S
YOUR ACTION?
$5.00 ON DWAYNE
TO TURN TAIL.
DON'T TELL MILLIE.
GOOD AFTERNOON,
HILL-WOMEN.
YOU MUST ADMIT
THAT'S KIND OF CUTE.
MAKE THAT TEN.
TELL HIM AND YOU DIE.
BYE.
BYE.
BYE.
THEY'RE CUTE.
I LIKE THOSE TWO.
I'M GOING TO BE LATE FOR CLASS.
OH, ALL RIGHT.
I CAN TELL YOU ABOUT
MY NEW GIRL ANYTIME.
NEW GIRL?
YOU'LL LIKE PEGGY.
PEGGY HARLEY?
WE'RE DINING AT HER PLACE
TOMORROW NIGHT.
DWAYNE, YOU REALLY LIKE HER?
DENISE, IF THERE WERE A LITTLE
SIGN OVER MY HEART
IT WOULD SAY "OCCUPADO."
DWAYNE, ARE YOU SURE
SHE REALLY LIKES YOU?
SHE LAUGHS AT MY JOKES.
YEAH, SHE'S LAUGHING, BUT
NOT FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.
I HATE IT WHEN YOU'RE OBLIQUE.
DWAYNE...
PEGGY MADE A BET ABOUT WHAT YOU
WOULD DO IF SHE CAME ONTO YOU.
WHAT?
THE WHOLE DORM IS
IN ON IT EXCEPT ME.
DENISE, I LOVE THIS.
YOU'RE MAKING UP
SOME COCKAMAMIE STORY
BECAUSE YOU'RE JEALOUS.
I AM DEEPLY TOUCHED.
YOU'RE DEEPLY NUTS.
DWAYNE, I WOULDN'T
LIE TO YOU.
I JUST DON'T WANT
YOU TO GET HURT.
FINE, DON'T ADMIT
YOU'RE JEALOUS.
WE BOTH KNOW
THE TRUTH.
EXCUSE ME.
IS JALEESA STILL HERE?
SHE JUST LEFT
FOR CLASS.
OH, NO.
I WANTED TO PLACE MY BET.
OH, WELL, I'LL FIND HER.
AND DON'T TELL WHITLEY.
SO HOW BIG IS THE POT?
DWAYNE...
THIS IS THE LONGEST YOU'VE
EVER STAYED AFTER GYM CLASS
WITHOUT HAVING
TO RUN SOME LAPS.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RUN SOME NOW,
PUT THEM ON ACCOUNT?
NO, THANKS, COACH.
UH-OH.
WHO'S THE WOMAN?
HOW DID YOU KNOW
IT WAS A WOMAN?
IN CLASS, YOU WERE CLIMBING
ROPES WITHOUT WEARING GLOVES.
WELL, IT WAS
LIKE THIS.
I MET HER.
I MADE HER LAUGH
AND I THOUGHT IT WAS
THE BEGINNING OF SOMETHING.
I FOUND OUT THE WHOLE THING
WAS JUST A BET.
WHAT KIND OF BET?
LET'S JUST SAY IT'S A BET
YOU'D EXPECT GUYS TO MAKE.
NOT THAT BET.
COACH, I WANT
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
THAT MAY SURPRISE YOU.
UH...
I'M NOT AS SUCCESSFUL WITH
THE WOMEN AS YOU MIGHT THINK.
I'M, UH...
I'M QUITE SURPRISED
TO HEAR THAT.
SEE, THE AVERAGE CAT
WALKING AROUND TODAY
IS BASICALLY SORRY.
THEY LOOK GOOD.
THEY SMELL NICE.
BUT THEY GOT NO RAP.
AND THE WOMEN GET
CONDITIONED TO THIS.
REALLY?
YEAH, THEN I COME ALONG
AND THEY SAY:
"OOH, THIS BROTHER'S
DIFFERENT.
HE'S FUNNY AND SMART."
BUT THEN THEIR CONDITIONING
TAKES OVER.
START TALKING LIKE:
"OH, HE'LL JUST
GET BORED WITH ME.
OHH."
THEY END UP GIVING ALL THE PLAY
TO THE RAPLESS FELLOWS.
HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED
NOT HAVING A RAP?
YOU KNOW, JUST
TALK TO THE WOMAN
LIKE SHE'S A REGULAR PERSON.
IS THAT YOUR APPROACH--
JUST TALKING?
WELL, YEAH, YOU KNOW
SOMETIMES IT ACTUALLY WORKS.
YOU'RE ONE OF
THE RAPLESS FELLOWS, AREN'T YOU?
DWAYNE, YOUR RAP IS ABOUT
TO OVERTAKE YOU, MAN.
SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR.
PUT THIS WOMAN
COMPLETELY OUT YOUR MIND.
YEAH, I KNOW,
BUT IT'S HARD, COACH.
SHE LAUGHED AT ALL MY JOKES.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
SHE IS HISTORY.
RIGHT NOW
SHE'S PROBABLY OUT WITH
ONE OF THOSE RAPLESS FELLOWS.
DWAYNE, MAN,
YOU'RE WELCOME
TO USE THE ROPES
AS LONG AS
YOUR HANDS HOLD OUT.
HERE. MY BET.
MILLIE,
NO CHECKS.
IT'S FROM
A LOCAL BANK.
THEN I SUGGEST YOU GO THERE
AND GET SOME LOCAL CASH.
FINE.
JALEESA, I DON'T
KNOW ABOUT THIS.
OH, GREAT.
IS YOUR CONSCIENCE
SUDDENLY BOTHERING YOU, TOO?
NO, I JUST CAN'T DECIDE
WHICH WAY TO BET.
WELL, WHAT TIME ARE
YOU GOING TO PEGGY'S?
I'M NEVER
GOING TO PEGGY'S.
AND FROM HERE ON IN,
ANY MENTION OF THAT NAME
WILL BE IN THE CONTEXT
OF SERIOUS DOGGING.
YESTERDAY YOU HAD THE GIRL
BUSTING A GUT.
IT WAS A SET-UP.
THIS GIRL MADE A BET
TO SEE WHAT I'D DO
IF SHE CAME ONTO ME.
NO.
YEAH.
SO HOW COME YOU'RE NOT GOING?
YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT PRIDE, DO YOU?
ONE OF THE FINEST WOMEN
ON THIS CAMPUS
INVITED YOU OVER
TO HER APARTMENT.
APARTMENT, MAN.
MOST OF US ARE LUCKY
IF WE MEET A GIRL
WITHOUT A ROOMMATE.
YOU GOT A HOMEOWNER.
I'M GOING TO TAKE IT SLOW.
THE GIRL WAS PRETENDING
TO GIVE ME SOME PLAY.
SHE MIGHT START OUT PRETENDING
BUT WHO SAYS
IT HAS TO END UP THAT WAY?
REMEMBER, YOU'RE DWAYNE WAYNE.
I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT LIKE THAT.
THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU'RE A MAN.
SHE'S A WOMAN.
TRUE.
A WOMAN WITH AN APARTMENT.
I MUST HAVE BEEN BUGGING.
I HAVE TO GO.
ALL RIGHT!
AND I WILL WEAR
MY LUCKY RAINBOW SWEATER.
BUT NOT FOR LONG.
Whitley:
NOW, CLIFTINE, YOU
WENT OUT WITH DWAYNE.
IF A WOMAN WERE
TO MAKE ADVANCES
IN HIS DIRECTION
HOW DO YOU THINK
HE WOULD RESPOND?
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
OH, I GET IT.
YOU DIG DWAYNE, AND
YOU WANT TO SNAG HIM.
HMM.
AND I THOUGHT
I WAS BEING SUBTLE.
SO?
HMM.
ASK EUNICE HARPS.
SHE WENT OUT WITH HIM
FOR ALMOST A WEEK.
OKAY.
THANK YOU.
GOOD LUCK.
OH, I FORGOT
YOUR NAME.
DENISE HUXTABLE.
DWAYNE, YOU HAVE ON
YOUR LUCKY SWEATER.
YOU'RE GOING TO PEGGY'S,
AREN'T YOU?
LOOK, I AM A MAN.
SHE IS A WOMAN.
SHE HAS AN APARTMENT.
DWAYNE, YOU'RE
INCREDIBLE.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO
SELF-RESPECT AND PRIDE?
I THINK THEY'RE OVERRATED.
WHAT IS THIS?
"PEGGY CONVERSATION"?
DENISE...
DWAYNE!
"NUMBER ONE: START SLOW.
MAKE SMALL TALK."
OOH, VERY ORIGINAL.
CAN I HAVE
MY CARDS?
"TWO: MOVE ON TO HUMOR.
NO KNOCK-KNOCK JOKES."
DWAYNE, YOU NEED
SERIOUS HELP.
FINE.
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME LATE.
LOOK, I THINK YOU'RE CRAZY
FOR GOING THROUGH WITH THIS
BUT WHY DON'T YOU PRETEND
THAT I'M PEGGY?
PRETEND YOU'RE PEGGY?
YES, YOU NEED
THE PRACTICE.
LET ME HEAR
THIS SMALL TALK.
OKAY, SMALL TALK.
I WALK IN.
I SCOOP HER PAD.
AND I SAY SOMETHING LIKE,
"NICE PLACE."
OR MAYBE "LOVELY PLACE."
IS "LOVELY" A WORD
A MAN WOULD USE?
LOVELY'S FINE.
LET'S MOVE ON TO HUMOR.
HUMOR.
OKAY.
BEING AS SHE LIVES
IN AN APARTMENT
I FIGURED I'D DO SOMETHING
TOPICAL LIKE:
"PEGGY, I LIKE APARTMENTS,
BUT I ALSO LIKE HOUSES.
"SO I THINK I'LL
BUY AN APARTMENT
AND PUT GRASS IN
THE LIVING ROOM."
MAYBE I'LL
USE THIS
AHEAD OF
THE SMALL TALK.
NO, DWAYNE, DON'T
USE THAT AT ALL.
IT'S AWFUL.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN YOU
THIS NERVOUS.
YOU KNOW WHY
I'M EATING?
I AM EATING SO MY STOMACH
WON'T RUMBLE IN FRONT OF HER.
YOU KNOW, THERE ISN'T
JUST ONE DWAYNE WAYNE.
THERE'S DWAYNE THE SMOOTH.
HE'S A LOVE MACHINE.
THERE'S DWAYNE THE ATHLETIC.
I'M DEADLY FROM THE OUTSIDE.
THEN THERE'S
DWAYNE THE SHY.
HIS KNEES ARE KNOCKING,
AND HE MAY LOSE HIS LUNCH.
I WISH I WEREN'T SO DEEP.
DWAYNE, WOULD YOU
FORGET THESE CARDS?
JUST BE YOURSELF.
YEAH, WHOEVER THAT IS.
SHOW PEGGY
THE REAL YOU--
THE ONE I'VE GOTTEN
TO KNOW AND LIKE.
YOU LIKE ME?
YES.
I CAN BLOW PEGGY OFF ANY TIME.
( doorbell )
COME IN.
AHEM.
COME ON.
DID YOU GET LOST?
NO, I GOT OFF THE ELEVATOR
AND TURNED RIGHT--
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
I SAID TURN LEFT.
LEFT. RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.
WELL, I'M HERE.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH, DO YOU
HAVE ANY SODA?
DIET, NATURALLY.
IS THAT OKAY?
JUST FINE.
JUST MAKE
YOURSELF
AT HOME.
YEP, I WILL.
SHE SAID LEFT, DUFUS.
HUH?
NOTHING.
COME ON, SWEATER.
COME ON, SWEATER.
PLEASE, COME ON, SWEATER.
PLEASE, COME ON, SWEATER.
NO, JUST BE COOL
AND BE YOURSELF.
GOT IT.
GOT MY CARDS HERE.
MM, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
I'M GOING TO
PLAY SOME MUSIC.
MUSIC.
OH, I LOVE THE STUFF.
GOOD.
( romantic music )
WHOO.
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE
A LOVELY PLACE.
THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE, TOO.
RELAX, I'M NOT
GOING TO BITE.
UNLESS, OF COURSE,
YOU'D LIKE ME TO.
NOT BEFORE
I FINISH MY SODA.
YOU MAKE ME LAUGH.
AND THAT MAKES ME CRAZY.
AND WHEN I'M CRAZY...
I DO SOME FUNNY THINGS.
REALLY?
CAN YOU JUGGLE?
I CAN'T DO IT.
NO, PRACTICE.
JUGGLING TAKES PRACTICE.
DWAYNE, LISTEN TO ME.
THE OTHER DAY WHEN I MET YOU,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A REAL JERK.
WOW.
YOU SURE YOU DON'T HAVE ME
CONFUSED WITH SOMEBODY ELSE?
ABSOLUTELY.
ANYWAY, I WAS
MAD AT YOU, MAD AT MEN
SO A BUNCH OF US
MADE A BET
TO SEE WHAT YOU WOULD DO
IF A WOMAN CAME ONTO YOU.
IT WAS WRONG.
I'M SORRY.
HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT, OKAY?
I'LL GET OVER IT.
IT'S JUST THAT
I WAS REALLY STARTING
TO DIG YOU, YOU KNOW?
OH, DWAYNE...
DWAYNE, I FEEL TERRIBLE.
YOU DO?
YOU FEEL TERRIBLE?
NOT THAT TERRIBLE.
I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS CHEAP.
LISTEN, THE HAM STEAK
HAWAIIAN OFFER STILL HOLDS.
ADMIT ONE THING.
YOU DO THINK
I'M FUNNY, RIGHT?
YES.
WANT TO HEAR
A KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, PEGGY
THE BETTING CROWD IS GOING
TO WANT TO HEAR SOMETHING.
SO?
WELL, I WAS
KIND OF WONDERING
IF I COULD MAYBE SPRAY SOME
OF YOUR PERFUME ON MY SWEATER.
LET ME THINK
ABOUT IT.
YEAH, UH, YOU DO THAT.
THE BET WAS WRONG.
JALEESA, THAT WAS
VERY BIG OF YOU TO ADMIT.
THANKS.
NEXT TIME, I'M NOT KEEPING
THE MONEY SO I CAN BET.
WHERE'S PEGGY?
I DON'T KNOW.
SHE HASN'T CALLED.
SHE BACKED OUT
AT THE LAST MINUTE.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
I WON! I WON!
I...
ALL RIGHT,
I ADMIT IT.
Captioning made possible by
WRIGLEY'S SPEARMINT CHEWING GUM
and NBC.
Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation