90210 (2008–2013): Season 3, Episode 19 - Nerdy Little Secrets - full transcript

Previously on 90210:

I think you're funny and smart.
I think you're hot too.

We have to keep this
on the down low.

- It could really hurt my reputation.
- I was thinking the exact same thing.

- Are you okay?
- I might have smoked some pot.

- You smoke? Since when?
- Since I realised that it really helps me

get back into the water
after my accident.

What kind of person
goes behind their friend's back

and starts sleeping
with their boyfriend?

She didn't do it, it was me.
I'm the one who cheated with Navid.

- You bitch.
- Guys! Hey, guys!



I want our friendship back.

- Break up with him.
- I can't.

We've been friends for too long
to let a guy come in between us.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

- Naomi.
- Hi.

Hey. Wow.

- I think you dislocated my scapula.
- Oh...

Hey, you. Out, now.

Don't wash your hands.
You don't need to, use hand sanitizer.

Go.

Girl's bathroom, how taboo.

Well, I needed a kiss before class.

- Anybody in there?
- It's occupied.



- Oh, I got you a present.
- What?

Oh, come on.

A shirt. Wow.

It's nice.

It's not nice, it's Gucci.

It's amazing,
but it's not exactly my style.

No offence, but your style sucks.

"Geology rocks"?
Honey, I don't think so.

Look, Naomi,
if I start swanning around in Gucci,

my friends are gonna know
something's up.

So we have to be careful if we wanna
keep our relationship on the DL.

Fine, you're probably right.

Can't be flaunting it around school,
but you could wear it this weekend.

Why don't I get a suite
at some hotel?

We'll go swimming, get massages,
order whipped cream.

- And you can eat it...
- I can't, I can't.

- What, are you lactose intolerant?
- No.

But it's the annual
Academic Invitational this weekend.

I'm the captain
of the West Bev team.

- You're such a nerd.
- What can I say?

What about tonight?
I have whipped cream at home.

I'm in study mode
for the invitational right now,

and my teammate Alex and I
are cramming all night.

Okay, fine.
Have your little cram fest with Alex.

But next weekend you are mine.

- Come on, open the door.
- It's a deal.

- It's occupied.
- It's occupied.

- What is going on?
- I'm gonna call a teacher.

- Hey, baby.
- Whoa.

What do you think?

Uh, heh, heh.

- I think you have bright orange hair.
- It's so cool, right?

I woke up this morning, I looked in the
mirror and was like, "I need a change."

It's definitely a change.

- It's different.
- Different, huh?

Would that be different "amazing"?
Or different "fabulous"?

- I'd have to go with different amazing.
- Oh, why, thank you.

- Oh, my God. Who did this to you?
- I did it myself.

Okay, the most important thing
is do not panic.

Do you still have the package?
You have a lawsuit on your hands.

- No.
- Yes.

We're gonna sue the jackasses
who did this to you.

But before that, I'm gonna go search
the lost and found for a hat.

- Don't even listen to her.
- Please.

She is jealous
because she can't pull it off like I can.

Hang on one sec. Hello.

Yes, this is Erin Silver.

It's the NYU rep.

Absolutely.

Three o'clock, yes.
Yes, I know the Beach Club.

Sure, absolutely. Thank you, bye.

Oh, my God.

I have my NYU alumni interview
tomorrow.

- Oh, my God.
- You're gonna be amazing.

- But what about your hair?
- What about my hair?

Well, it's just...
It's a serious interview and...

You know what?
You look great, it's totally fine.

Just go for it.

- Thanks. Aah!
- You're gonna be great.

Nice.

Dude, really?

What about this one?

Oh, come on.

"Dog walker" is just a fancy way
of saying "pooper scooper."

I wonder if anyone's hiring
one of those sign twirlers.

You'd be cute twirling a sign.

This is so hard.
If I can't find a job soon,

I'm never gonna be able to afford
going to college.

Check this one out.
"Personal assistant.

Looking for bright,
self-motivated person

with great organizational skills,
in Hollywood Hills.

Discretion a must."

Oh, my God.
"Hollywood Hills," "discretion,"

that is totally a famous person.

Really? I don't know.

No, I read about it all the time
in tabloids.

Celebrities get you to sign agreements
so you don't spill their dirt to the press.

Yet, you're reading about it,
in the tabloids.

Whatever. You will be jealous when I'm
hanging poolside with George Clooney.

Ha-ha-ha. Right.

Also in sports,
girls-softball hurler Karen Franklin

pitched what would have been
a no-hitter

were it not for the mighty bat
of Malibu's Lacy O'Connell.

And still the Lady Wildcats
were victorious

and remain undefeated
as they enter postseason play.

In other news, this weekend,

our academic invitational team
competes in Oxnard

hoping to bring home the gold
once again.

Now an exclusive sneak peak
at the brains behind the legend.

Hi, I'm Max.

My passions are biology
and astrophysics.

I'm the captain of the
Academic Invitational Team.

Shh!

We've been state champs
for two years running,

and this weekend
we're going for a three-peat.

So put your hands together, give
a loud West Bev cheer for your team.

Oh, hi. Heh, ooh.

My name's Gilbert. Art history
and archaeology are my interests.

Hi, I'm Allen,
and chemistry is my bag.

And I'm Alex.

I love literature and history.

That's Alex?

Together,
we're going to bring home the title.

Go Wildcats.

Now, you have
a good day at school, sweetie.

- I don't wanna go.
- Come on, I'll walk you in.

Come on, is it that awful?

Uh, yeah, Raj. It's high school, okay?

It's totally and utterly boring.

It's way more boring
now that I'm not smoking pot anymore.

Yeah, I hear you.

- Still, I'm proud of you.
- Whatever. Yo!

Hey, hey.
What's up, Raj? What's up, Ivy?

- Hello.
- How you doing, Dixon?

Hey, man, I'm living the dream.

- I'm living the dream, guys.
- Whatever.

See, now why can't you have some of
Dixon's positive go-get-them energy?

Because I'm cool, Raj.

Because I got better things
to do with my life than just school.

Oh, hey, speaking of which.

Know how Hurley is coming to town
this weekend for that competition?

They're scouting women
for the team.

- Yeah, I heard something about that.
- I signed you up.

I'm sorry, you what?

I know I should have asked you first,
but there were only a few slots left, so...

Well, dude, you thought wrong. I'm...
Raj, I'm not into that.

I'm not... I'm not interested.

Ivy, you make the team,

and you're gonna be travelling
the world in like two months.

Surfing the best waves,
living your dreams.

- Why wouldn't you want that?
- Because maybe I'm not a sellout.

Maybe I don't need to sell my soul
just to get a free trip to Bali.

Okay.

All right, my bad. Sorry.

- Hi, guys.
- Hey.

Sorry I'm late,
I had to tutor some freshman.

No worries.

Did anyone else
get the apple pie?

- It's pretty good.
- That does look good.

Psst! Hey.

- What's up, Naomi?
- Hey.

What do you know
about that girl Alex?

Alex Scarborough?

She's brilliant.
Like a bona fide genius.

Not when it comes to fashion.

Word is she's still deciding
between Oxford and Harvard.

Yeah, she fences, she plays chess.

She's like a Tom Brady
of the academic invitational team.

What exactly
is the academic invitational thingy?

It's pretty intense.

All the smartest kids from the state
compete at Oxnard Pacific every year.

- Sounds lame.
- Yeah, well, you think so,

but it's notorious for actually having
the craziest after-parties.

- What?
- Uh, guess that's what happens

when you put all those repressed
overachievers in one hotel.

Oh, and I hear everybody hooks up
and gets wasted. It's crazy.

It's like one big nerd orgy.

- Not interested.
- I'm sorry?

Well, you're selling
Girl Scout cookies?

No. Uh, I'm Annie.

I'm here for the job interview.
We spoke on the phone.

Of course we did. I'm Marla.

Nice meeting you.

Whoa.

This place is very interesting.

Interesting?

Well, that's an interesting
choice of words. It's a mess.

Well, you know, uh,
it's just certainly well-lived in.

Please, sit.

So, uh, you're looking
for a personal assistant?

That's a little euphemistic.

Really what I need
is someone to get my affairs in order.

I have years worth of junk here.

And some things, believe it or not,
are not junk.

I need the whole place organised,
catalogued and cleaned.

Oh, uh, okay.

- Are you an honest person?
- Yes.

- Do you do drugs?
- No.

- I don't.
- You're hired.

Oh.

There's something about you
that I like.

And quite frankly, no one else applied,
so the job is yours.

I'll give you a thousand a week.

- A thousand dollars?
- No, yen.

Yes, dollars.
Do you want the job or not?

Yeah. Ha, ha. Yeah, I want the job.

Okay, what about this one?

To a college interview?

Okay.

Then how about just this one?
Yeah?

- Are you serious?
- Yes, I'm serious, I'm...

I wanna be an artist.
It's okay for me to look artistic.

I'm applying to film school,
not law school.

And certainly not
hair-dressing school.

Ha, ha. You love it.

You are wound up about this interview,
aren't you?

Uh, yeah. But I'm all prepared.
Well, practically. What do I have to do?

I have to finish burning the DVD's
of my reel.

I have to print off my portfolio
and fill my scooter with gas.

How about this one?
You love this one, right?

You're gonna wear a leopard print
to a college interview?

I just might.

- Hey, girls.
- Hey, I'm so glad you're here.

I need help picking out my outfit
for the interview, okay?

And what do you think?

She did it to herself on purpose,
so there's no one to sue.

- You like it?
- I love it.

- It is so you.
- Yeah? Come here.

Thanks.

Okay, West Beverly,
with a lead of 84 to 80

as we enter the final speed round,
you select the next topic.

From which arena
would you prefer to answer questions?

Mediaeval poetry or biology?

- Biology, please.
- Excellent, here we go.

The duodenum, jejunum and ilium
are parts of what?

- Calabasas Canyon.
- Small intestine.

- That is correct.
- Yes.

To which taxonomic class
do snails and slugs...?

- West Beverly.
- Gastropods.

Or Gastropoda. Correct.

In the sexual reproduction
of bryophytes,

Zygotes synthesized by the union of
gametes develop into? West Beverly.

- Sporangium.
- That is correct.

In a eukaryotic cell, where does
the Krebs cycle occur?

- West Beverly.
- The mitochondrial matrix.

That is correct.

For the third year in a row,

West Beverly Hills High School
advances to the finals.

Congratulations, Wildcats.

You were great.

- Hey.
- Hey. So how's George?

Fantastic.

Yeah? You guys hanging poolside?

Oh, yeah, you know,
Matt and Brad just came by.

We've all been chilling.

I think we're gonna go
to Lake Cuomo soon.

Ooh. Now I'm getting jealous.

Please,
I've been cleaning all afternoon

and I still have not made a dent
in all the junk that this lady has.

I swear she makes
the Grey Gardens chicks

look like Martha Stewart.

- Hang in there, okay?
- Mm. Yeah.

I mean, for a grand a week,
I'll do whatever the packrat wants.

I'm just not sure
how she can afford it.

I mean, I guess it's from not having
a cleaning lady for 50 years.

You okay?

I made a mess.
Like that's even possible in this place.

- I'll call you later, okay?
- All right. Hey, enjoy Lake Cuomo.

All right, ciao. Ha, ha.

Oh, my...

Aw, ha.

Cool.

What are you doing?

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

I was looking for a broom
and then I saw the box,

and I was looking at your things.

- Well, don't.
- I just... I mean, I can't believe it.

You were on the cover
of LIFE Magazine.

- I mean, you're famous.
- I used to be.

I used to be Marla Templeton.

I can't believe that you're an actress.

I'm an actress too.
Well, aspiring anyway.

Yes, I thought you might be.

This town is lousy with aspiring
actors and actresses. Ha.

Everyone who parks your car or serves
you a salad is wanting to be an actor.

Yet very few people bother
learning to act.

Yeah, well,
that's what I'm hoping to do.

That's why I need this job actually.

I really wanna go to college
and study acting.

Well, good luck to you.

It's not an easy career,
but it can be quite interesting.

Interesting sounds good to me.
I just wanna learn.

Um, I saw that picture with you and
the guy from Easy Rider, Peter Fonda.

Were you guys friends?

"Friends," uh, you could say that.

Good old Peter. There was a time
when Peter and I had a standing date

every Thursday night
at Musso & Frank.

What's Musso and Frank?

"What's Musso and Frank?"

You really do have a lot to learn.

I bet you can't juggle
while reciting pi.

What, do you think I am, a moron?
3.1415926535897...

Hey.

Oh, hell no.

Housekeeping.

Stay the hell away from him.

Naomi Clark,
what are you doing here?

Yeah, what are you doing here?

I'm here to stop you
from boinking this little whore.

Memorize this, you brainy slut, if you
don't stay away from my boyfriend,

I will send your head to Oxford and
the rest of your corpse to Cambridge.

- But...
- But nothing.

If you so much as look at him again,
you're dead.

- Naomi?
- Oh, my God.

Come on, what are you...? Alex.

Stop. Alex? Alex.

What is your problem?

What's my problem?
What is your problem, Max?

What exactly were the two of you
planning to do in here, huh?

Study. Look around, Naomi.

You were gonna study?

Yeah. This is our team's room.

We came in here to cram
because we made it to the finals.

Congratulations.

Naomi, how could you think
that Alex and l...?

Because I'm going crazy, okay?

Because of the sneaking around
and the lying.

And not being able to tell anybody
that we're together.

It's messing with my head.
I can't take it, l...

Maybe we should just break-up.

Uh, what the hell just happened?

Uh, there was just a misunderstanding.
Did you talk to Alex, where is she?

Getting in her mom's car.
Driving back to L.A.

- What?
- I tried to reason with her,

but for the first time,
Alex was highly irrational.

- Alex quit?
- Final round starts imminently.

If we don't have a fourth,
we'll be disqualified.

Okay, okay. Look, don't freak. Um...

There's some guys here
from West Bev,

- one of them could fill in...
- You know the rules,

each team needs a female.

There are no females here
to watch us.

We're totally screwed.

What are you all looking at me for?

Welcome, everyone, to the
2011 Academic Invitational Finals.

Dominguez Hills High
versus West Beverly High.

- Captains, are your teams ready?
- We are ready.

Uh, we're ready too.

This is a huge mistake.
I don't know the state capitals.

I definitely don't know the presidents.

Frankly, I don't understand gravity.

I pretend to, but I don't.
I think it has to do with apples.

Listen to me.
You don't have to say a word, okay?

Today's final round category
from World History

is Empires and Colonies.

And by the draw, West Bev is first up.
Here you go.

"Historians generally agree
that this empire

is considered
the first of the modern era."

West Bev answering.

Oh, I'm sorry, Your Honour.
That was an accident.

I need an answer.

Um...

Rome?

Incorrect. Dominguez Hills?

- That would be the Akkadian Empire.
- That is correct.

What is the South Pacific territory

that has resisted becoming
independent from New Zealand?

No, no, no.

This is Raj. Leave a message.

Um, hey, it's me.

Um, I'm here. Where you at?

You know, it's dangerous
to leave me alone with all this food.

So I hope you're on your way
and I guess I'll see you soon. Bye.

Help!

Help me! Somebody help!

Hey... Hey, you guys, I think...

I think somebody
needs help out there.

- Help!
- Will somebody help?

Help!

Help! Help!

Raj? What are you doing?
Are you okay?

I'm fine.
Ivy, you did it, you're in the water.

But... You... Oh, my God.

I cannot believe you.

Ivy, what?

Ivy. Ivy, wait.

My God.
What is wrong with you?

- Did you just trick me?
- Ivy...

No, do you realise
how psychotic that is?

You just pretended to drown, Raj.

I mean, God,
how stupid do you have to be?

I just wanted you
to get back in the water.

You did it. You got back in the water.

What makes you think
I didn't want to get in the water?

Well, the other day after you acted
so weird about the competition,

I spoke to Dixon
and he told me everything.

- Did he?
- Look, Ivy, I'm sorry.

But I know you, Ivy, you're a surfer,
and now you can surf.

I mean, I was doing something
for the greater good here.

Screw you, Raj.

- Ivy...
- Enjoy the picnic.

Oh, thank you, Manny.

Happy Birthday to you,
a martini for you.

- Just what I needed.
- And for you.

Mm, we're going to have
two New York steaks, medium rare,

and a side of creamed spinach.

Would you like
a baked potato with that?

- Sure.
- Sour cream and chives and butter?

Just bring it on.

That's what Bette Davis
used to order.

You ate with Bette Davis?

No. How old do you think I am?
Don't answer that.

When I first started coming here in the
'60s, this place was already a legend.

That's why we liked it.

We were fascinated
with old Hollywood.

- Me too.
- So I gathered.

- I didn't mean...
- Oh, Annie, I'm just teasing you.

So you used to come here
with Peter Fonda?

Sure, sure, but everyone came here.

Cassavetes and I used to split
an egg salad sandwich

and plot how we were going to
make the leap from theatre to film.

You hung out
with John Cassavetes?

Sure, I did.

It was an interesting time.

Oh, the stories I could tell you.

Please tell them. Tell...
Tell me everything. Teach me.

Excuse me. Oh, it's just my mom,
I'll press "ignore."

What? Don't ignore your mother.

Oh, it's no big deal.

You're gonna learn from me?
Lesson one:

Don't ignore your mother.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Hi, Mom.

No, I'm good. I'm great actually.

Hi. Are you Christopher Smith?

I am.

- You must be Erin Silver.
- I'm sorry, hi.

Nice to meet you.

You can call me Silver,
all my friends do.

Not that I think we're friends,
but I hope we will be.

Anyway, I'm so sorry I'm late.

- It's all right, I'm glad I waited.
- I'm so sorry.

- I ran out of gas and then I ran.
- You ran?

Nearly a mile.
Like I was in Run Lola Run.

You certainly got the hair for it.

- You a fan of that movie?
- I loved it.

Well, I mean,
I'm a Tom Twyker fan in general.

I liked Perfume a lot and I thought
the movie was better than the book.

And now Twyker
is directing Cloud Atlas,

and that's gonna be
one tough book to top.

- You read Cloud Atlas?
- More like I devoured it.

You know what's weird?

David Mitchell wrote a novel called
Black Swan Green, right?

And the star of Black Swan, the movie,
is Natalie Portman,

who I hear is supposed to be starring
in Cloud Atlas.

That is interesting.

What did you think of Black Swan?

Well, normally,
I am not such an Aronofsky fan,

he's too melodramatic for my taste,

but in this case, I thought
the melodrama totally suited the story.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Oh, this place is so beautiful.
Everything's so old.

I said, "everything," not "everyone."

- What are you doing?
- I'm sorry?

How dare you
just sit right next to me.

Marla?

What are you,
a stalker or something?

What?
It's me, Annie, I work for you.

I've been cleaning your house
and I'm organising your things.

Annie.

Are you okay?

Getting old is a bitch, Annie.

Anyway...

Cassavetes,
he was a real character all right.

He started out as an actor,
you know.

Not just any old type of actor,
a method actor.

Which would have been fine
except for the type of roles he played.

So it all comes down
to this final question worth ten points.

West Beverly, if you are correct,
you'll be victorious,

but if you're wrong, we will have
a new state champion on our hands.

St. Barthelemy,
otherwise known as St. Barts,

is a Caribbean island
owned by the French.

In St. Barts' coat of arms,

what non-French language appears
in the bottom banner?

You have 30 seconds.

- Oh, I know this one.
- Oh, come on, Naomi.

No, I used to vacation there
all the time.

I was hanging out on beach, topless,
waiting for my masseuse.

- Naomi.
- No, hear me out, okay?

Being topless is not a big deal,
my masseuse is Pierre and he's gay.

But this Olaf guy shows up,
blond, beefy, totally straight.

So I throw a fit, right?
But eventually we start talking,

and I ask him how some guy named
Olaf ends up in the Caribbean.

And he tells me how his ancestors
settled there years ago.

And he said,
I remember clear as day,

that the island used to be a Swedish
colony, and so the answer is Swedish.

Before the modern era, the island
was inhabited by indigenous peoples.

I say Amerindian.

There's historical precedence for this.
Amerindian.

It doesn't make sense.
It's Swedish, Max.

Five seconds.

That would be, uh...

That would be...

That would be Swedish.

That would be incorrect.

The correct answer is Amerindian.

Congratulations,
Dominguez Hills High,

our new state champion.

Thanks for nothing.

There you go.

- Hey.
- Hi.

- So how'd it go?
- Amazing.

I just had the best interview
that you could possibly imagine.

I mean, seriously imagine the best
interview ever. Mine was better.

- Ha-ha-ha. That sounds great.
- It was beyond great, it was...

It was stupendous, Navid.

It was me and this alumni guy,
Christopher, we just...

We sat down
and we talked for hours.

I'm going to NYU.
Seriously, I nailed it.

Gotta go, I'm gonna call you back later.
I have so much stuff to do. Bye.

Leave a message.

Hi, Christopher.
Uh, this is Erin Silver.

I just wanted to call and say what
a pleasure it was to meet you today.

I mean, you really inspired me.
Like, it just...

Anyway, thank you.
I hope that I talk to you soon.

Okay, bye.

Leave a message.

Christopher, me again. Hey, um...
Got another question for you.

I was thinking about NYU
and I need your opinion.

Do I need to live in a dorm, or should
I just live somewhere off campus?

Let me know. Thanks, bye.

- Leave a message.
- Christopher, Silver again, hey.

I just had another thought
about Black Swan,

which is what we were
talking about today.

By the way, that was the coolest thing
to meet you. I know I already said that.

You know how when Nina is looking
at her doppelg?nger in that one scene

where she's, like, in the dance studio
looking in the mirror?

I don't understand how they shot that.
And by the way, the whole...

Ivy Sullivan does it
again. Gnarly wave, Miss Sullivan.

Go, Ivy.

- Hey, sweet ride.
- Thanks.

- Good job, Ivy.
- All right.

- Hey, nice ride out there.
- Thanks.

Hey, Ivy.
Tyler Crawford, I'm with Hurley.

- Hey.
- Are you sponsored?

No. No, I just...

You know,
like school tournaments and stuff.

I have a feeling
that's gonna change soon.

You're good, like real good.

We'll be in contact.

Okay, cool. Thanks, man.

Hey, Raj.

You're here.

So are you.

I watched you. You were awesome.

I was okay.

And I was stupid and you were right.

Yeah, well, maybe it was
a good stupid thing you did.

- Really?
- I guess.

I mean, yeah, I was scared
this morning, but I knew I could do it.

So I just said, "Screw you, fear,"
and then I did it.

Would it be sappy of me to say
that I am proud of you?

Yeah, maybe a little bit.

- Well, I don't care. I'm proud of you.
- Thanks.

I'm sorry, Ivy. I'm really sorry.

Next time you fake me out like that,
I'm gonna let you drown.

- Oh, yeah?
- No, no, I'm gonna make you drown.

I'm gonna drown you like you're some
little kitten or something.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You want a ride to school?
- Oh, I'm actually already at Marla's.

I had first period off,
so I thought I'd get a few hours in.

- Okay, how's she doing?
- Better, better.

I don't know what yesterday was,
but she seems to be herself again.

She's pretty amazing, you know.

I was watching one of her old movies
online last night

and she totally blew me away.

- Well, that's cool.
- She is pretty cool.

Okay. Good,
I'm glad you guys are bonding.

I'm less jealous than I would be
if it was George Clooney.

- See you at school?
- All right, I'll see you later.

In third place, Amy Armstrong.

In second place, Sabrina Finnegan.

And in first place, Ivy Sullivan.

- Hello?
- Dr. Harris' office.

Hi. Uh, this is Raj Kher.

And, um, I'm calling because I wanted
to schedule my post-chemo checkup.

Okay, it says here you were due
for a checkup two months ago.

We've been calling you every week.

Yeah, I know.

And I've been avoiding your calls
every week,

but I think I'm ready now.

Hey.

Hey.

I'm really sorry I made a mess
out of everything this weekend.

I'm an idiot,
as if you didn't already know that.

You're not an idiot.

Um, there's something
I have to tell you.

Um, after the invitational,

there's this famous party
that takes place at the hotel.

I went to it and it was pretty nuts.

There were a lot of girls there,
you know,

I mean, just acting wild
and blowing off steam.

Yeah?

And, well,
I was surrounded by all these girls,

but all I could think about was you.

Really?

Really.

I wanna be with you, Naomi.

And I'm sick of all this
sneaking around too.

You're my girl,

and I want everyone to know that.

So...

What do you say?

You wanna be my,
like, official girlfriend?

I know with my track record
you may not believe me,

but I happen to know the answer
to this question.

As long as you don't say "Swedish."

The answer is hell, yes.