90210 (2008–2013): Season 3, Episode 18 - The Enchanted Donkey - full transcript

Previously on 90210:

- When did this start?
- After my accident,

I figured out that getting high
helps with my stress.

- You have cancer?
- The doctors say I have three,

maybe four years.

- Are you okay?
- I think I have the hots for a nerd.

Look, we're gonna have to keep this
on the down-Iow.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

Give me a call.

It was me.
I'm the one who cheated with Navid.

I know.



Sent.

Yeah.

Really, with the Mexican radio?

Hey, before Christmas,
I listen to carols.

So before spring break in Cabo,
I'm gonna listen to Latino...

Okay.

I can't believe
that in less than 24 hours,

we're gonna be eating churros,
dancing with mariachi bands

and swimming with the dolphins.

Well, hopefully not at the same time.

Come on, get excited.

I already have a plan for all of us
to go to El Squid Roe.

Oh, sushi in Mexico, that ends badly.

It's not sushi.
It's the coolest club in Cabo.



They have foam parties.

- Foam party?
- You dance in giant pits of foam.

Is that even sanitary?

Come on. It's the last chance for all
of us to party together in high school.

You're gonna dance in foam
and you're gonna love it.

Mm-hm.

What's the matter?
Nothing we haven't seen before.

Hey, babe.

Would you leave the country
with me?

I was thinking, uh, maybe Mexico?

Yeah, sure.

- You okay?
- I'm fine.

Just some jerks ogling me

because they saw Adrianna's picture
that she sent out.

Yeah.
Every time I walk down the hall,

I feel like I'm in one
of those airport scanner x-ray things.

- Silver, I'm sorry...
- I hate her.

I mean it, I actually hate her.

- Okay. You know what we should do?
- What?

We should leave the country.

You and me, let's go.

Yeah.

Teddy.

- Marco. Remember me?
- Oh, sure. Hey.

- How you been?
- Been all right. You?

Good. I mean, I'm blind in the eye
you hit, but I can still play soccer.

Don't feel bad or anything.

I'd only feel bad
if you lost sight in both eyes.

So, what about that tennis lesson
you owe me?

- How about tomorrow?
- How about tonight?

Got a court in the backyard.

My dad's out of town.

I have a game tonight.

Right. Just come by after.
We'll have the place to ourselves.

You know what?
I'm not looking for just a hookup.

- Okay.
- See you around.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey there.
I hadn't heard from you in a while.

I wanted to make sure
you didn't move

or accidentally skate off a cliff
or something.

Uh, nope. Nope, I'm still here.

Well, that's a relief.

You wanna come skate?

Uh...

Yeah... You know, actually,
I'm pretty busy.

I decided to take your advice
and try to focus on school and stuff.

Yeah, yeah. No, um, it's cool.
I get it.

It's probably a good idea, so...

Um, yeah, I'll see you around.

Yup, okay. I'll see you.

Bye.

- Are we?
- Should we?

I have prophylactics. Condoms.

- Are you sure you're ready?
- l...

I'm ready if you're ready.

Oh, I'm ready.

Prepare to have your world rocked.

Wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

- You're like a prodigy.
- Well, thank you.

Yeah. No, seriously.

I mean, that would have been
incredible even if you weren't a virgin.

Oh, I'm not a virgin.

Nor was I one prior
to this wonderful experience.

- You've had sex before?
- Yeah, I have.

- With how many people?
- Oh, come on.

I don't wanna kiss and tell.

Tell me. Max, how many?

All right, fine.

Let's just say less than
the square root of 64.

You've had sex with 64 people?

Seven.

Math isn't your speciality, is it?

Apparently, it's not yours either.

I'm gonna miss you over break.

Yeah, I'm gonna miss you.

I'm gonna miss this.

Yeah.

Me too.

Wow, a private jet.

Dude, this is gonna be
the best vacation ever.

Now, this is the way to travel.

No lines, no security,

no crying babies in the seat
next to you.

It's an international flight,

so there'll be lines and security
on the other end.

- Really?
- Yeah.

At least you're clear of crying babies
in the next seat.

- Right.
- Unless you sit next to Navid. Oh!

Oh, burn.

Vamos a Mexico, bitches.

Whoo!

Is that Max Miller?

What is he doing here?

Hi, everyone. My math tutor, Max.

- You brought a math tutor?
- Hey.

Oh, I'm failing precalc and there's
a huge test when we get back.

If I don't do well, I won't get off
the wait list for CU.

Guess you've never been one
to pack lightly.

Really?

Who reads those things?

Me, I read these things.

Yeah, you should always be prepared,
just in case of...

- Oh, my God.
- Disaster.

Why is she here?

- Okay, Silver's coming?
- Not if you're coming.

Yeah, Silver, sit down. Yes, you are.

- You know what? It's fine. I'll leave.
- Okay.

- I can't believe you guys invited her.
- Stop it, both of you, all right?

You both have done horrible things
to each other. Really horrible things.

And we get why you're upset,

but you're gonna have to get over it
because you're both our friends, okay?

Whatever.

Hello, folks, and welcome aboard.

Please buckle your seat belts
and prepare for the flight.

Watch out, Mexico, here we come.

- All right.
- Yeah.

Welcome to the Burro Encantado.

That means Enchanted Donkey.

- I see someone read our website.
- Ha, ha.

The spa is just down the hall.

And, of course, the beach
is just a short walk across the dunes,

where you will find parasailing,
snorkelling, surfing,

even swimming with the delfines.

See? I told you there'd be delfines.

A few warnings.

The riptides here are stronger than
they are in California, so be careful.

And do not drink the tap water,

unless you want to spend
your vacation in your hotel room.

Well, who needs water
when we have margaritas?

All right.

You all right back there?

Your suitcase is bigger
than my closet.

I like to have clothing options.

Never pegged you as a over-packer.

Like an onion, baby.
Layer after layer.

Yeah, layer after layer
of clothing options.

Okay, 103.

Uh...

Silver?

This is a great room. Oh, guac.

Oh, yes.

- I'm starving.
- Ha, ha.

Yeah, it's pretty nice.

The bedspread's really not my taste
but, luckily, I brought a spare.

- What?
- Tell me you're kidding.

I'm kidding.

Mm. Right? Mm.

So good.

You're really digging
that guacamole, huh?

Mm. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God, Navid. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Mm. Mm.

Yes, yes, yes.

It's 7:32.

Exactly. Which means
we're already behind schedule.

It's our first day in Cabo,
we have so much to do.

Like zip-line in the jungle
and shopping in the mercado.

Oh, and it would be so great
if we could squeeze in lunch

at this amazing little caf?
that I read about.

Hey, come on.

Oh, okay, all right. I'm up.

I just thought the whole point
of vacation was to sleep and relax.

Which is why I have
"relaxing by the pool"

scheduled for later this afternoon.

You scheduled time to relax?

I may have.

But I also set aside a little time tonight
for skinny-dipping.

But, you know,
if you don't like schedules,

I can forget about it all.
It's really not...

What are you talking about?
I love schedules.

Hey, shower now. Kiss later.

- But let us...
- Nope, nope, nope.

Up, up, up. Let's go.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Thank you.

There are some very cute boys
around here.

Yeah, but they're all straight.

Well, regardless, I'm really glad you're
ready to get back on the horse.

Or the burro, as it were.

- That is a horrible expression.
- You know what I mean.

Come on, there's gotta be
some prospects around here for you.

Last Friday, I did run into that guy,
you know, from Malibu,

that I hit with the tennis ball.

You ran into cute black-eye guy?

And?

And he asked me out.

That's great.

No, not so much.

I just wanna have a good time,
you know?

Just keep things light, fun.

No strings attached.

Nothing wrong with that.

Well, he seemed to think differently.

Montgomery?

- Tripp Willinson.
- Hey, man.

What...? What are you doing here?

I'm on spring break
with my buddies from Princeton.

Us too. Hey, this is Silver.
Silver, this is Tripp.

He was my roommate at Exeter.

- Nice to meet you.
- You too.

- This is crazy. It's been forever.
- Yeah.

Okay, you and me, we're grabbing
beers tonight. What do you say?

- Sounds good.
- Okay, cool.

- I'll find you.
- All right.

Nice to meet you.

That's wild, you running into him.

Yeah. It's weird.

Good weird
or another kind of weird?

Well, I mean,
he was my roommate, but...

He was also the first guy
I ever had feelings for.

Yeah, I was so freaked out,
I had to drop out of Exeter.

Wow.

I mean, ahem, I'm happy
to see him and all,

it's just I'm not exactly looking forward
to a night of pretending to be straight.

That's amazing.

- Sorry. Sorry.
- Ha, ha.

Oh, my God.

Dixon, I'm pretty sure that is not
how that is supposed to work.

Yeah, the guys at the bar
made it seem so easy.

Yo, we're cool and everything, right?
I mean, there's like...

There's no weirdness after that time
I asked you out in the cafeteria?

Yeah, we're cool.

Good. Okay, because I...

I don't even know what I was thinking,
but I just...

You know, I'd really like us
to be friends again.

- Yeah, me too.
- Good.

Okay,
so, uh, how about surfing tomorrow?

You know, as friends?

Yeah, okay.

Um...

There's just one thing
I got to take care of.

Yeah, you go take care of your
one thing and I'll see you in the water.

- Sounds good.
- All right.

- I'm gonna go, uh, clean up.
- You do that.

I love the service at this hotel.

Thanks.

I love it more.

Hi. Excuse me.

I was wondering
if you could do me a favour.

You see that short-haired girl
over there?

The one with the ugly bathing suit?

Okay.

So I'm thinking about going and
exploring the town later this afternoon.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

But I heard it was kind of far.

Yeah, right?

So I'm gonna hire a pool boy
to carry me on his back.

Sounds good.

Hey, are you okay?

Oh, yeah. Sorry.
Max is just giving me a look.

What look?
I'm not giving you a look.

Yes, you are.
And I know what it means.

Time to study.

Well, you know, I can't really tolerate
this slacking off much longer.

Fine.

You guys have fun. I'll see you later.

Would you like a bottle of water?

Yes. Thank you.

What did I tell you?

I love the service at this hotel.

Tell me about it.

Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

I'm not wearing a hat.

If you're not gonna wear the shirt,
then you gotta wear the hat.

I'm really okay wearing
my own clothes.

Just trying to have a little fun, jeez.

Oh, my gosh.
We so have to get a photo.

Absolutely not.

Yes, come on.
Someday we'll look back at it

and think about how we were young
and in love in Mexico.

I'm not taking a photo
with that overgrown tree rat.

It's adorable.

It's wearing people clothes.

You know how I feel about animals
in people clothes.

Please?

Okay, fine, one photo.

Yay!

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

Stand together.

Closer to the mono, okay?

Say, "Best spring break ever."

Best spring break ever.

Ow! Oh, my God.

Any chance you wanna relaunch
that rocket?

I can't believe that your friends
are actually buying this whole thing.

Mm. What whole thing?

The whole...

You're failing math, so you need
to bring a tutor to Mexico thing.

Oh, well, it's not that far-fetched.

I mean, I actually am failing math.

You're failing math?

- Is a 59 average failing?
- Yes.

So I'm not so good with numbers.

Naomi...

l...

You realise that if you fail math,

not only can't you get off the wait list
at CU, you probably can't graduate.

I know, I know, okay? But I just...

I guess I've been distracted
by a handsome man with a big...

- Naomi.
- IQ. I was gonna say IQ.

You know what? I'm not gonna
pretend to be your tutor anymore.

- No, we can't let people know.
- I really am gonna be your tutor.

I'm gonna make sure
that you pass math.

Oh, Max.

Fine, but later.

No. We're studying now.

We can have sex
once you pass the practise test.

Oh, my God. You are so twisted.

And I don't mean in a sexy S & M
kind of way.

- Hey.
- Hi.

I couldn't help but overhear
that someone was sick.

Yeah, Silver's not feeling that great,
so...

And now I'm feeling even worse.

Gosh, I hope you didn't drink
any tap water.

That could really mess up
your stomach.

Anyway, take care of yourself.

Oh, my God.

She did this to me.

She tricked me
into drinking the tap water.

- Oh, she's going down.
- Hey, come here.

She's looking for a fight, okay?

- And if you wanna hurt her...
- I do.

Then ignore her, Silver.

Don't give her the reaction she wants.
That's the best way to hurt her.

I promise you.

Hey. Uh...

Okay. Uh...

Okay.

No. Sorry. No, no, no.
I don't want a pharmacy. Um...

l... I want drogas illegales.

Marijuana?

You want pot?

Dude, why didn't you just say that?

- I can hook you up.
- Really?

Oh, that would be awesome.

- Thank you. Yeah?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Okay.

Sweet.

Another round?

Sure.

Oh, man, you know who I ran into
last time I was in the city?

- Freedburger.
- Babyface Freedburger.

- How's that guy doing?
- Fantastic.

He's dating a set of twins.
Like, millionaire identical twins.

- Get out of here.
- No, gorgeous too.

I met one of them.

Or both? I'm not sure.

Hey, speaking of gorgeous,
is that Silver your girlfriend?

Silver, uh, no.

Well, she was.

We dated for a while,
but we broke up.

Still up to your old tricks, huh?

Once a player, always a player.

Yeah, I guess.

You guess?

You're a legend, Montgomery.
I swear, after you left school,

I had half a mind to petition
the Exeter Historical Society,

see if they'd wanna preserve
your bed.

You know, as a historical artefact?

Right.

So you and Silver are no more.
Are you seeing anyone now?

No.

You're not the relationship type, man.
I hear that.

I'm gay, Tripp.

You're kidding, right?

Teddy Montgomery's gay?

Look, I'm sorry
if I made this night awkward...

Ugh.

Your shoulder still hurt?

- No. No, I can barely feel it.
- That's good.

Because the pain in my abdomen
from the rabies shot

is making it hard for me
to feel anything else.

Is there anything I could do to help?

You're very sweet,
but, no, I'll be fine.

You should go and have fun, though.
Go swimming, relax.

Seriously, go. Go.

I don't wanna ruin your vacation
just because I'm stuck in here.

Okay.

Get some rest.

I will.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- How are you?
- Great.

Last night was amazing.

Yeah, it was.

There you are.

Hey, I'm Will. Tripp's boyfriend.

I'm Teddy.

So this is who you hooked up with
last night.

- Mm-hm.
- You're right. He is hot.

I'm gonna get us some drinks,
I'll be right back.

Okay.

You have a boyfriend?

No, boyfriend is a loose term.

Will and I have an open relationship.
It's cool.

I mean, come on.

Guys like you and me
aren't the relationship type.

Hey, look who decided to show up.

Yeah, that's fine.

Hey. It is sick out there.

You hear me? Ha, ha.

They said the tide's coming in
in about a half an hour

so the waves are gonna be crazy.

- Hey, dude, aren't you freezing?
- What?

I'm freezing and you just came
from the water,

so I thought you'd be,
you know, freezing.

Ivy, it's like a hundred degrees
out here.

Are you okay?

Look, I might have smoked
some pot.

You smoke? Since when?

Since I realised that it really helps me
get back into the water,

you know, after my accident.

And then I met a guy
and he smokes too, so...

Well, not like how you're thinking of.

He has to smoke for, like, medicine,
you know, because he's sick or...

He's dying, actually.

I totally blew him off the other day,
he...

I don't know, I feel like I'm not, like,
ready to deal with that, you know?

Like, death, because it...

It's so final.

You know what I mean? And I...

It kind of just really weirds me out

and makes me really sad, actually,
and...

I'm feeling really weird, dude.

I'm tweaking out. I feel like that pot
was probably laced with something.

Okay, okay. Um...

Look...

This is what we're gonna do, okay?

We're just gonna chill out here,
how's that sound? Good?

- Yeah. Okay.
- Okay.

- Just relax.
- Yeah.

Everything's gonna be fine, all right?

We're just gonna sit here, ride this out,
all right?

Everything is okay.

Don't worry about nothing.
Everything's gonna be okay, all right?

This sun is strong.

Does anyone wanna borrow
some sunblock?

Oh, right here. Sunblock me.

Adrianna, you're welcome to use some
if you want.

No, thanks, Silver.

I think I'll use my own.

You've been gone a while.

Yeah. Sorry.

What is going on?

Just because you're stuck in bed

doesn't mean you can't go
on spring break.

Oh, my God.

Oh, you bought me churros?

After a dinner of enchiladas,
you gotta have churros for dessert.

Okay, not that I'm complaining,

but bubble bath wasn't really part
of the itinerary.

No. But foam parties was
and so was skinny-dipping.

Thought maybe
we could combine the two.

I don't understand,
I thought you hated all of this stuff.

Well, I might not be a guy who loves
churros and swimming with dolphins,

but, uh, I'm a guy who loves a girl

who loves churros
and swimming with dolphins.

Oh, one more thing.

One day we could look back

and remember being young
and in love in Mexico.

Oh...

Best spring break ever. Ever, ever.

One more sip.

I don't know what's worse,
the bad high,

or the bloated stomach from
all the water you're pushing on me.

Aha.
Wow, was that an attempt at humour?

Someone's feeling better.

I am.

Thank you.
For sitting with me and stuff.

Hey, thank me
by never smoking again.

Done.

Hey, uh, you hungry?

It'd probably be a good idea
to get some food in your system.

Man, you are being way too nice
to me, Dixon.

I mean, after what I did with Oscar
and, you know, I just ruined it all.

Hey, I messed up too, all right?

Not as much as you, of course,
but I messed up.

You know, I should've never lied to you
about liking Sasha.

Yeah.

But, you know,
not everything was ruined.

We definitely had a lot of fun
together.

Yeah, we did.

I mean, I don't know about you,
but I don't regret anything.

I mean, it's definitely going down
as six months of my life

that I'll always treasure.

Me too.

He has a boyfriend?

Yeah, but they have
an open relationship.

Well, that's kind of perfect, then,
right?

I mean, nothing says
"no strings attached" like a guy

who has a boyfriend.

Yeah, I'm not so sure.

- Do you wanna date Tripp?
- No.

I mean, not after seeing him
with that guy.

Yeah.

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I think I'm becoming one
of those relationship people.

Whoo!

- Oh, my God, I'm lame.
- You are not lame.

You're just a good guy who's ready
to get back on the relationship burro.

- Still a horrible expression, but...
- Well, I...

Yeah. I think I am.

That's really great.

To getting back on the burro.

All right. I'm finished.

And?

I knew you could do it.

Yay! Ha, ha.

And you didn't miss a single one
on the binomial section.

It's very, very impressive.

You really care about me, don't you?

Of course.

I mean, you care a lot.
Enough to give up having sex.

With me.

I am not in this relationship for sex,
Naomi.

If I wanted to have sex, there are
plenty of band girls who want me.

I mean, the flautists
are practically nymphos.

But I'm with you because I like you.

I really like you.

I really like you too.

And you're smart.

I mean, the way you learned
all that math so fast.

That was damn sexy.

We have to hurry.
It's almost time for the fiesta.

Oh, I'll show you a fiesta.

You like that?

You know that
every guy here is jealous of me?

What? Why?

Because I'm with you.

Well, you are the prettiest girl here.

You've had one too many margaritas,
my boy.

Oh, I'm serious.

I'm really happy.

That's because of you.

Well, I'm really happy too.

Let's get this party started.

Where is the food? I am starving.

Get a room.

I have one.

Silver!

Why is she so red?

You did this.

What are you talking about?
How can I give you a sunburn?

You messed with my sunscreen.

What'd you do,
swap it for moisturiser?

Oh, my God. I knew it. You did.

You asked for it, Ade.

You made me drink tap water
and I was sick all night.

- And what about the e-mail?
- An e-mail?

An e-mail is not quite up there
with stealing my boyfriend.

- Ade.
- You bitch.

Hey, guys.

Oh, my God. Do something.

I'm sorry.

I screwed up.

You think?

No, I should have

been honest with you, Ade.

And, Silver,
you bore the brunt of this.

And I should have taken
more responsibility.

Hey, you...

You've both been friends
a really, really long time.

I hope you don't let some idiot like me
ruin that.

You really hurt me.

I'm so sorry.

I feel sick about what I did.

I'm torn up inside. I betrayed you.
I'm sorry.

Thank you.

I'm sorry I sent out that picture.

Yeah.

I hated that you hated me
that much.

Does that even makes sense?

Yeah. No, that makes sense.

I've missed being friends with you.

Honestly, Ade,
I want our friendship back.

Me too. Me too.

How do we make it better?

Break up with him.

Anything but that. I'm... I can't.

Why not?

Because I'm falling in love with him.

Okay.

Hello?

- Hey, Marco?
- Yeah.

It's Teddy Montgomery.
You know, the jerk from the other day.

Oh, hey.

Look, I'm sorry about how I acted
and I was hoping

well, maybe that you might still be up
for that tennis lesson?

Yeah.

I'd like that.

All right, cool. Cool.

Hey.

Hey.

How you doing?

You know, I've been better.

- You?
- Been worse.

Look, I'm sorry.

It's just that I've never really known
anyone who's, you know...

Is as handsome as me?

Who's gonna die.

- Ivy, everyone's gonna die, you know.
- No, I know, Raj. Just...

You're just...
You're really young, and...

Look, I get it. It freaks you out.

It freaks me out.

And I totally understand if you're not up
for being together with me.

No, but I am up for it.

Okay, look, I realised something
when I was down in Mexico.

I realised that even if

we're not gonna
be together for very long,

I think that we really should
just treasure the time

that we do have together.

You know, whether that's six weeks
or...

Whether I break up with you
next week.

- Raj...
- Ha, ha.

I'm kidding.

Ivy, I can't imagine breaking up
with you.

I'm really happy.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

Of course.

So...

I was pretty thrown when I heard
how serious you were about Navid.

I know.

But I've been thinking about it.

And...

Well, we've been friends for too long
to let a guy come in between us.

Really?

- Ade.
- Silver.

I missed you.

I missed you too.

Oh, God, I'm such a mess.

Can I use your bathroom?

Of course.