What a Bachelor Needs (2009): Season 1, Episode 2 - Episode #1.2 - full transcript
Previously
Hey! Are you nuts?
What are you doing here?
Sorry.
-Get out of here.
I didn't know anyone was out here.
I'm sorry.
It's alright. I'm not even looking at you.
I've got my back turned.
It's alright.
Fuck.
I don't want you to get remarried.
I think I'm through with marriage.
You could remarry dad, if you wanted.
One marriage to your father
was enough, wasn't it?
I need to get to Amuka.
Could you drop me off
at a taxi stand?
We're going to Amuka.
My grandparents own some vacation homes there.
Maybe you're staying
at my grandparents' homes.
Maybe.
The room seems fine,
but I think there's a storeroom
full of single women
who are waiting for us with pitchforks.
Really? Great.
Oh, we have great masseuses here.
Or masseurs, if you prefer.
Do you prefer masseurs?
-Anat, you're such a barbarian.
Just tell her you hate massages.
I really do hate massages.
Really? Me too.
I can't stand being touched by a stranger.
Yes, it's him.
He's a millionaire.
Netta, Nushi, the first one
to show him some cleavage can marry him.
This is my sister, Netta.
We have to go. So, bye.
What a Bachelor Needs
Good morning, sir.
Sorry..
Good morning. Is everything alright?
-Yes.
"The Cabin in the Field"?
That's us.
-Excellent.
Thank you.
Come on.
So? You made it all the way to the house
but didn't find it?
It never even occurred to me
that I was so close to the house.
-Oh.
And what about...
asking someone? No?
I didn't want to start
knocking on doors in the middle of the night.
11:00 PM isn't really the middle of the night.
In the city, maybe,
but everyone knows
people in the country turn in earlier.
It's all your fault, Micha.
I told you to leave your mobile phone on.
It's all your fault.
You told me to turn it off
so I wouldn't disturb the sing-along
I never wanted to attend in the first place.
-Since when do you listen to what I say?
Why start now?
This breakfast, Ora,
I tell you, for sure,
is the best thing I've ever tasted.
It's just excellent.
Oh, this is nothing.
You should taste my daughters' cooking.
That's real food.
You know, my generation
cooked what we were told to cook.
Omelets, schnitzels, mashed potatoes.
But each of my girls is a chef, and...
they're so beautiful.
Oh, you have girls.
How many?
Too many.
Shut up, Micha. Two.
But one's divorced with a kid.
We have a bit of everything.
We also have one who's divorced without kids.
Micha, why don't you go see
if one of the girls is up
so she can prepare Avikam's room?
The room's been ready since yesterday morning.
Then go make sure
it's 100 percent perfect.
Go wake up Alona.
He doesn't need to wake anyone up.
It's no big deal.
Everything's great.
I'm happy, I'm enjoying myself,
everything's calm, I'm eating now.
Later I'll have coffee
and then I'll go to the room.
It's alright, I can meet the girls later.
It's no problem. I'll meet them both,
even the divorcee with the kid. I'm no snob.
Okay, then I'll go wake up Alona.
Okay.
Wow. Great.
Exceptional.
Simply exceptional.
You mean it?
-I really do.
You know, my boss
is Simona Liberman-Artzi.
You know her?
No.
-Really? She was in the papers a lot.
You haven't seen the article
about Israel's 50 richest women?
I must have missed it.
No worries.
She has a shed for guests outside her house.
You must know the house.
There was an article about it, as well.
No, I must have missed that one too.
No kidding?
-Yeah.
Well, that shed
really reminds me of your house.
It really does.
Really?
So your boss, this Simona.
What does she do?
Simona?
She's a shareholder at D.R.C.
You know it?
D.R.C.?
Its sounds familiar.
D.R.C... No.
No, I don't think I know it.
How can you not? They produce
the most innovative medical equipment.
Catheters, shunts,
optic cables for intracorporeal visualizations.
You don't know it?
No, I don't.
Her husband Moshe Artzi founded the plant.
God bless him.
He was a good man. Salt of the earth.
Moshe Artzi.
Moshe Artzi.
You don't know him either?
No, I don't.
You know, us country folk
don't know many things.
Besides, we go to bed early.
I know, right?
Well.
She's his second wife.
The first one died.
A very beautiful woman.
Very beautiful.
Who, his first wife?
-No, I don't know the first one.
I was talking about Simona.
Oh, I thought...
I was talking about Simona.
Very beautiful.
Very cultured woman. Very cultured.
You haven't heard of me, by any chance?
Avikam Gross, publicist?
I was written up in the gossip columns.
There was even a picture.
Avikam Gross.
Publicist.
No.
But, as I said before...
It's the country. Can't be helped.
-Yes.
Some things must not...
But she finds me indispensable.
Really, she said so. In her own words.
"Avikam, you're indispensable.
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
Just like that.
In those words.
-Of course.
Is everything alright?
No, it's just,
there's something stuck in my throat. Thanks.
Avikam, I'm heading out
for my morning run.
So get settled, make yourself comfortable
and join us later. -Sure thing.
We'll show you around the area.
Okay? Excellent.
Exceptional.
Hey.
You wouldn't believe the treasure we've landed.
What?
-Avikam Gross.
Publicist.
I'm in love already.
You have to go to him.
You could live for a decade in Tel Aviv
and never meet a guy like that.
I guarantee it.
-Who is it?
Our guest. Avikam Gross.
Publicist.
Yes. He wandered around all night
and then decided to sleep in his car,
just outside the house.
He's the publicist for some rich lady,
I didn't...
quite understand.
In short, we have to set him up with someone.
Netta.
What do you think?
Hmm? He looks like someone
who would get married in a heartbeat.
Well? Let's go.
Go to him,
marry him.
Do your mother a favor.
Dad? -Hmm?
-Don't bug me. I just woke up.
Who's bugging you?
Am I bugging you?
I'm simply trying to get rid
of as many girls as I can at once,
that's all.
Where are you going?
-To have breakfast with Anat.
Does Mom know?
-Yes.
Did she say you could go?
Are you kidding? It was her idea.
There are rich bachelors staying there.
She insisted we go make friends.
Alright, go.
Make friends.
But don't you dare marry them.
I'm saving you
for Avikam Gross.
-The publicist.
The publicist.
-The publicist.
Bye, Dad.
Ora, I found Netta a husband.
Alright. Show me your cleavage.
Wow.
My God.
He's going to die.
And some homemade bread.
-Wow, thank you.
You're welcome.
-This is great.
Wonderful. Enjoy.
Oh.
Hello.
-Hi. -Hey, what's up? -Okay.
Alona.
Come, sit with us.
Let us buy you breakfast.
Go on, sit with them.
Don't you want to?
Go on, I have to finish up some work anyway.
Alright, I'll go watch them
because I think they're minutes away
from disappearing into some grove.
Let them, why do you care?
I have to protect the family honor.
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
We just ran out of things to say.
Oh, really?
What did you talk about
before you ran out of topics?
Don't remember.
Artzi, what did we talk about?
You expect me to remember
every stupid thing you say?
Yes, because you're my friend,
you should remember the stupid things I say.
I can't tell him that he says stupid things.
Why, doesn't he?
Of course he does,
but he's my boss
and he's far more educated,
far richer
and far stronger than I am,
so I'm afraid he'll hit me.
Do you hit him?
No, but he scares me,
especially on Friday nights
when he's stuck at home
with nothing to do.
What does he do
when he doesn't have anything to do?
He bugs me.
Would you like me to leave,
so you can gossip about me?
Why? It's nice to talk trash about you
while you're here.
Omer, you're such an idiot.
Why would you ever talk trash about him?
Was that trash? Are you kidding me?
Wasn't it?
In our family it starts with,
"Shut the hell up"
and deteriorates from there.
Oh, we really don't talk like that.
Besides,
you can't talk trash about Artzi.
Oh really? Why, is he perfect?
Tell me, are you perfect?
Of course not.
Let's change the subject.
See? He admits that he isn't perfect.
Would you mind talking about something,
or maybe someone, else?
Sure, but first you need
to confess to a character flaw.
Why, do you like people
who flaunt their defects?
No.
-Then please.
I think self-awareness
is the first step to a solution.
If you don't know you have a problem,
how can you solve it?
I think self-awareness
is the first step to doing nothing.
I agree.
I have a ton of problems and defects
and I'm well aware of them,
but it doesn't help at all.
Really? What problems
could you possibly have?
A week ago...
-I got it.
I'm bitter, bad-tempered
and argumentative.
-That's right.
You really are bad-tempered.
I have one too. I'm a crier.
Really? What makes you cry?
Everything.
Autumn, films, fights.
I cry from hunger.
-Really?
If I want to eat something
and it isn't available,
I can burst into tears.
Especially when it comes to Tahini.
That's true, Tahini really does make her cry.
Before I leave the house,
I have to make sure
all the cabinet doors are shut.
I never go to the toilet
in other people's homes.
I'm afraid they'll hear me.
Why are we talking about this
at the breakfast table?
Why not?
We're talking about a significant flaw.
We're trying to get to the bottom of it.
It's a group dynamic.
I haven't said mine yet.
I can't stand knees.
Whose knees?
Everyone's.
I hate mine especially,
but everyone's.
Disgusting body part.
Alright, everyone's spoken.
Now you have to confess something, Artzi.
Okay.
I'm not spontaneous.
Me too, I hate spontaneity.
Is that a flaw?
What are we doing, sitting here chatting?
Look at this lovely day.
Let's go for a walk.
Oh, you probably have to get back to work.
Yes.
-No, no. Don't go to work. Come with us.
No, no. We actually
do have to get back to work.
There's so much to do.
Forget work.
Be spontaneous.
I'll be spontaneous at Mom and Dad's.
You stay.
Mom! Dad's here.
Dad's here.
We might decide to get another plane,
if there's a demand for one.
Since it's winter anyway,
we need to find other sources of income.
There aren't that many flights.
Mostly rescue operations,
which don't pay much.
But suddenly, now that I'm here,
there's more work.
Nushi,
on the one hand, you aren't really listening.
On the other hand,
you're looking at me. Admit it.
I admit it, I was looking at you.
Why aren't you listening to me?
Is it because you find me so handsome
that you can't focus on anything?
That's right.
You're the handsomest hunk I've ever seen.
But Miki, darling, my hunk,
why didn't you let me know you were coming?
Because if I'd told you I'm coming,
and you had a boyfriend
that you were hiding from me,
you'd have had time to hide him.
Where exactly would she hide him?
Or maybe you weren't planning to come
until something fell through
and you ended up here?
Say, Zohar,
how can you stand your mother?
Is she such a nag to you, too?
Yes, but she nags me all day long.
She only nags you when she sees you.
Well, even so. She...
She's nice, isn't she?
Yes.
-Yes.
Yes, sometimes.
She barks more often
than she wags her tail.
She just needs someone to play with her,
that's all.
Do me a favor and shut up, alright?
Fine.
Just try and...
make some time for me.
Just a little, maybe today or tomorrow?
Book us a room. I need privacy.
Seriously, Miki.
Look at him. I don't believe it.
Look at him laughing, flirting, hugging.
I tell you, Ora,
of all our ex-sons-in-law,
he's my favorite.
Look how Zorki looks at him.
As if he's God or something.
That loser.
Oh, he's not a loser.
You're just jealous
because he's nice and you aren't.
Of course I'm jealous.
Why wouldn't I be?
He left his wife and daughter,
and see how they look at him.
No, you look and see
how much he loves Zorki.
You can tell he loves Zorki,
and Nushi as well.
I didn't say he doesn't love them.
He just doesn't want
to live with them, that's all.
Really?
Is that what you think?
Since when are you the State Comptroller?
I don't understand. A 20-year-old guy
knocks up his girlfriend,
your clever daughter, I might add,
who could have been careful herself.
A girl was born and they got married.
Things didn't work out. It happens.
They were kids themselves.
What do you want?
Why are you settling scores now?
Besides, it was so long ago.
They've both grown up.
You can't know what he's like now.
People change.
He hasn't.
I guarantee it.
He was a shithead,
and he's still a shithead.
Oh.
Nushi.
-What?
You know what you need?
A headache pill.
-No, no. Stop.
It's not that bad.
Look, he's behaving himself.
And look how happy Zorki is.
How can he make her that happy?
Mom, since she was born
he can barely remember she exists.
He didn't go to a single kindergarten event.
He barely showed up
to a single grade school graduation party.
He calls once a month,
visits twice a year
and even then it's because
he has business in the area.
Look how much she adores him.
Why?
Because he's her dad.
Why doesn't she adore me like that?
I'm her mother.
Sweetie,
that has nothing to do with it.
I went to every holiday event:
Purim, Passover, Hanukkah,
Mother's Day.
So what?
Do either you or Netta adore me?
No, neither of you do.
-That's because you're an idiot.
And a bother.
I may be a bothersome idiot,
but at least I'm here.
And what good is that?
Do we like having you here?
Why are you picking a fight with me now?
Nushi?
-What? -Do me a favor.
Take some herbal tea
up to the vacation home, alright?
What? Where is it?
Over there.
-There.
What are you up to?
Nothing.
-No, I know you,
and I know that look on your face.
I'm not up to anything.
There's no look.
It's just that when she meets
that idiot in the vacation home,
it'll improve her mood.
I don't believe this.
You want to tell me
you sent her up to the vacation home
as a prank?
Why not?
Pranks are good. They're funny.
You know,
sometimes you act like such an idiot
that I can't remember
why I ever married you.
If I was an idiot,
I might have joined
that nice son-in-law of yours
and moved to an igloo in Alaska.
Then a miracle would happen
and you'd be eaten by a polar bear.
God, I wish.
Those Chinese are so ugly.
It's terrible.
So what?
What are you reading?
A book.
What's it about?
Stalin.
That sounds kind of heavy.
Yeah, it's pretty heavy.
Where's the fun in that?
It's not fun.
I don't think Stalin
was a very fun guy.
I love historical fiction.
They're so interesting
and you can learn so much.
Take Mao, for example.
It's amazing much
the Chinese look alike, isn't it?
Have you read "The Da Vinci Code"?
Noga is so cute.
Really.
Yes.
And she's grown
since the last time I saw her.
She wasn't as tall back then,
was she?
Probably not.
When was the last time I saw her?
About six months ago?
Hmm.
And she's so funny.
She made me laugh so hard on the way.
It was hilarious.
Was it? That's nice.
Hey, what's up?
I brought you some tea.
-Thank you.
Is everything alright?
-Yes. -Is there anything you need?
Nothing, everything's great.
I have everything I need.
Your parents pampered me properly.
Micha and Ora are your parents, right?
Yes.
-Then you must be the younger daughter.
No, I'm the eldest.
Oh, the divorcee with the kid.
Not that I mind, right?
Yes, I'm the divorcee with the kid.
Do you know Simona Liberman-Artzi?
She also had a daughter from a failed marriage
before she met her second husband,
so...
-You don't say.
Really? I didn't know that.
Well, Tel Aviv is full of divorcees.
Right.
Other places, too.
There are divorcees everywhere.
Even abroad, I think.
And I don't live in Tel Aviv, so...
There's no shame in it.
There are other divorcees with girls.
Yes, and with boys, too.
And there are divorcees who have
both boys and girls, though not always.
Right?
Have you been divorced long?
Ages.
I've been divorced with a kid
longer than I've been single.
And longer than I've been married.
You must meet a lot of men
who are bothered by it.
I don't know.
I don't meet that many men.
Because I'm not bothered by it.
Divorcees with kids.
Oh, really? Alright.
I mean, I'd understand
if you were bothered by it.
I can understand people who are.
If it bothered you
I'd totally understand,
because it can be bothersome.
Do you need any more towels?
I think the quality
of the person is what matters.
I mean, kids aren't an issue.
Who'd ever think kids are an issue?
That they're trouble?
They're no trouble at all.
Kids are great.
I'd love to have kids, just so you know.
Oh yeah?
I didn't know that.
Great, good for you.
It's not about being good.
It's not that I want kids so I can be good.
It's just that my situation in life...
I never married.
I don't know why. Never had the chance.
And...
Now I have only two options,
I can either date women
who are much younger than me,
which some men are into
but I...
I'm no good with young women.
Or rather,
they're no good with me.
That's option one.
Or I could find a life partner,
someone my age,
someone mature, responsible.
But women at that age
are all divorced,
with girls. Or boys.
We can't banish them to Siberia, can we?
-Definitely not.
Definitely not.
So...
would you go out with me?
I mean, I think you're really nice
and I don't mind the whole
"divorced with a kid" thing.
It doesn't bother me.
You're pleasant and polite,
and...
I'd treat you well.
I'm not an asshole.
There's no one I can be an asshole to.
It's so kind of you to offer.
Really, very nice.
And I could tell from the start
that you weren't an asshole. -Thanks.
But no.
I don't think it'll work out.
I don't think we're compatible.
How I about I introduce you
to a friend of mine who will go out with you?
She's a much better match for you than I am.
I'm really not looking
for a relationship right now.
It's not just you.
How about it?
How do you know she'll agree?
She'll agree. Trust me.
Sure.
Ready, Avikam?
It's really nice of you
to take me to see your friend
when you don't even know me.
I... can't tell you how much
that means to me, really.
Don't get so excited.
She's a nice girl. She won't bite.
You don't know
how city girls treat me.
Well, this is the country.
-Yes.
Nushik.
-Hey. There's Anat.
Hi.
-Hi.
Bye.
Avikam Gross.
Nice to meet you.
-It's so lovely here.
Yes, I agree.
Otherwise you wouldn't live here.
-Right.
May I help you?
-Gladly.
I finally tracked you down.
We live in the same house,
it's not much of a challenge.
-Oh, Alona, Alona.
Alright, enough.
This isn't appropriate.
-It's very appropriate.
Enough.
No, stop.
Why, Alona? Isn't this tradition?
I know it's tradition. That's the problem.
I don't see the problem.
I love you. That's all.
Yes, that much I know.
So?
So...
So you love me twice a year. That's...
not much.
Not enough.
Well, you know me, don't you?
-Yes. I know you.
Do you want to know something, Miki?
-What?
I think I'm pathetic.
Pathetic? How come?
Because...
it's been 15 years since my divorce
and I still sleep with my ex-husband.
Twice a year, I sleep with my ex-husband.
What kind of life is that?
There are married couples out there
who do a lot less than that.
And it's not twice a year, Alona.
It's a lot more.
Oh, alright. Fine.
I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't want it.
You've met someone.
How could I meet someone?
I have you.
Over the holidays. Pathetic.
Well, it's a holiday now.
Come into the room.
No, enough.
Enough.
Enough. -Don't be stupid, Alona.
You'll regret it eventually.
I already regret it
because I've been thinking
of sleeping with you since the summer, but no.
Enough. Enough.
Enough, enough, enough.
Enough.
But it's the holidays.
I can't believe that Alona.
How could my stupid brother
think she's cool?
I don't get him.
Did you see the rags she wears?
And her hair.
Unkempt, bad haircut.
I don't understand
women who let themselves go like that.
I just don't.
Did you see anything cool about her?
She's pretty old, too.
She's kind of gross, no?
No.
She isn't? What's pretty about her?
She's got nice eyes.
Nice eyes?
I only say that about fat girls.
I say that about women
who have nice eyes.
That girl has nice eyes and she isn't fat.
She may not be fat, but...
she's not shapely.
You're really into her, aren't you?
Shall I book the wedding venue?
Women have a very active imagination.
You say one nice thing about a girl,
and they're all set to book the venue.
Well, her sister Netta
is nice.
In her own way.
An idiotic, provincial way
with her tits hanging out.
You know something?
-What?
The trees, the flowers,
the air, all this nature...
What about it?
It's kind of itchy and uncomfortable.
If only we could get a room.
It's funny. You've got a room,
I've got a room,
and here we are under some tree.
I don't even know which kind.
Pine.
-Pine. Right.
What are you doing tonight?
I'm going dancing.
Really? Where?
Here, in the village.
We have ballroom dancing.
Really? Is it good?
Are you any good at it?
-I'm great at it.
Yes, I'm sure you are.
Oh, that's my sister.
Hi.
Hi.
What's up?
Alright.
We're taking a walk.
Oh.
Nice. Where?
Honestly, I have no idea.
Netta knows.
Netta, where are we?
Rosh Pina Stream.
-Rosh Pina Stream.
How about that?
So Rosh Pina has a stream, too.
Nice.
Yeah.
When will you be back?
Why, are you bored?
Not at all.
We're actually having a great time.
It's quiet. Nice.
And what are you doing?
Artzi is resting.
And I'm resting too.
I'm reading, listening to music.
Fun.
How about you?
Nothing.
Killing termites.
And when will you be done with your nothing?
Don't know. Maybe when we get hungry.
Are you hungry?
-No, not yet.
Then not yet.
Alright, then talk to us when you get hungry.
We'll be here meanwhile, having...
so much fun.
Bye.
-Alright, bye.
What a nag.
-What did she want?
Nothing. She's just bored.
What's she doing out there?
-Nothing.
What do you think about the guy
I set Anat up with? Have you met him?
Only for a moment.
Isn't that the guy
Dad told you to set me up with?
Yes, Avikam Gross, publicist.
Then why'd you set him up with Anat,
and not me? What kind of sister are you?
I made an executive decision
and decided he's better for Anat.
Besides, I set you up with Ben-Gal.
Oh, you're quick.
It's not like that.
Oh, no? Then what's it like?
I don't know. I think I'm in love.
Already? You only got divorced a week ago.
Lucky me. If I hadn't gotten divorced,
nothing would have happened.
Yes, but now you say you're in love.
Isn't it great?
Hi.
-Hi.
Hi.
Hi, what's up?
What the hell are those clothes?
This is fun.
No pushing.
Zorki's thirsty, she wants something to drink.
Do you have any money?
Alright.
Hold on.
Dad, after this we...
have to dance again.
Alright.
But Dad needs to catch his breath first.
I'm going to the toilet, alright?
Do you want to eat something as well?
Processed meat remnants in cylindrical form.
What?
A hot dog.
But look at this line.
No worries, I'll cut it.
Want to dance?
What?
Who with?
With me.
Are you trying to think of an excuse?
Excuse for what?
Why you can't dance with me.
Are you scared?
Scared of what, you?
Think of it as being hospitable.
You know,
no one will be here tomorrow morning anyway.
But can you tango?
Tango?
Maybe.
Can you?
Are you kidding me?
I'm a tango master.
Noga?
What's going on? What are you doing?
Dancing.
Oh, you're dancing.
Who exactly are you dancing with?
Miki. She's dancing with Miki.
Oh, with Miki. Hi, Miki.
How old are you, Miki?
-Is there a problem?
What is she, your girlfriend?
-No, my sister.
Stop it, Nimrod.
She's 19.
Why do you care? I don't understand.
Weren't you just dancing, too?
Mind your own business.
Who do you think you are, my commander?
My father?
It's not your day, is it, man?
Now you've pissed up both your sister
and my ex-wife.
What?
Alona. Alona, my ex-wife.
Mother of my child.
She's a good dancer, isn't she?
So this is your ex?
Yes, that's my ex.
You know I'm divorced,
so, I have an ex.
If I was a widow, I wouldn't have an ex.
And does he usually...
hit on young girls?
Your sister isn't a girl, she's 19.
Didn't you do anything foolish
when you were 19?
No.
Then you're an idiot.
That's right, I really am an idiot.
Can I sit with you?
Yeah, sure.
So what?
Were you crying?
No.
Is it because I danced with that girl?
As if I care.
Then what was it?
You can tell me.
I hate Mom.
I want you to take me away.
Simona Liberman-Artzi has invited us to dinner.
Wow.
I thought we were having dinner at your place.
That's great. Where does she live?
Not far from here. We can walk.
-Okay.
Alright? I'll show you some nice houses.
-Okay.
Why did she invite us, all of the sudden?
Who cares? It's a great honor.
Not just great, huge.
Really. She doesn't invite just anyone.
I think she wanted to honor me.
Because of you.
Lovely.
Just don't let the house intimidate you.
Everyone's intimidated by it
when they see it for the first time.
I'll never forget
the first time I saw it.
I just looked at it...
My tongue retracted, like this...
I didn't...
I wanted to have a drink,
but I was afraid to spill something
on the carpet and ruin it or something.
Everything cost a fortune.
It was just awful.
But the most important thing
is to be natural.
Really, I mean that.
As much as you can,
considering the circumstances
and Simona's personality,
which can be a little daunting.
Hey! Are you nuts?
What are you doing here?
Sorry.
-Get out of here.
I didn't know anyone was out here.
I'm sorry.
It's alright. I'm not even looking at you.
I've got my back turned.
It's alright.
Fuck.
I don't want you to get remarried.
I think I'm through with marriage.
You could remarry dad, if you wanted.
One marriage to your father
was enough, wasn't it?
I need to get to Amuka.
Could you drop me off
at a taxi stand?
We're going to Amuka.
My grandparents own some vacation homes there.
Maybe you're staying
at my grandparents' homes.
Maybe.
The room seems fine,
but I think there's a storeroom
full of single women
who are waiting for us with pitchforks.
Really? Great.
Oh, we have great masseuses here.
Or masseurs, if you prefer.
Do you prefer masseurs?
-Anat, you're such a barbarian.
Just tell her you hate massages.
I really do hate massages.
Really? Me too.
I can't stand being touched by a stranger.
Yes, it's him.
He's a millionaire.
Netta, Nushi, the first one
to show him some cleavage can marry him.
This is my sister, Netta.
We have to go. So, bye.
What a Bachelor Needs
Good morning, sir.
Sorry..
Good morning. Is everything alright?
-Yes.
"The Cabin in the Field"?
That's us.
-Excellent.
Thank you.
Come on.
So? You made it all the way to the house
but didn't find it?
It never even occurred to me
that I was so close to the house.
-Oh.
And what about...
asking someone? No?
I didn't want to start
knocking on doors in the middle of the night.
11:00 PM isn't really the middle of the night.
In the city, maybe,
but everyone knows
people in the country turn in earlier.
It's all your fault, Micha.
I told you to leave your mobile phone on.
It's all your fault.
You told me to turn it off
so I wouldn't disturb the sing-along
I never wanted to attend in the first place.
-Since when do you listen to what I say?
Why start now?
This breakfast, Ora,
I tell you, for sure,
is the best thing I've ever tasted.
It's just excellent.
Oh, this is nothing.
You should taste my daughters' cooking.
That's real food.
You know, my generation
cooked what we were told to cook.
Omelets, schnitzels, mashed potatoes.
But each of my girls is a chef, and...
they're so beautiful.
Oh, you have girls.
How many?
Too many.
Shut up, Micha. Two.
But one's divorced with a kid.
We have a bit of everything.
We also have one who's divorced without kids.
Micha, why don't you go see
if one of the girls is up
so she can prepare Avikam's room?
The room's been ready since yesterday morning.
Then go make sure
it's 100 percent perfect.
Go wake up Alona.
He doesn't need to wake anyone up.
It's no big deal.
Everything's great.
I'm happy, I'm enjoying myself,
everything's calm, I'm eating now.
Later I'll have coffee
and then I'll go to the room.
It's alright, I can meet the girls later.
It's no problem. I'll meet them both,
even the divorcee with the kid. I'm no snob.
Okay, then I'll go wake up Alona.
Okay.
Wow. Great.
Exceptional.
Simply exceptional.
You mean it?
-I really do.
You know, my boss
is Simona Liberman-Artzi.
You know her?
No.
-Really? She was in the papers a lot.
You haven't seen the article
about Israel's 50 richest women?
I must have missed it.
No worries.
She has a shed for guests outside her house.
You must know the house.
There was an article about it, as well.
No, I must have missed that one too.
No kidding?
-Yeah.
Well, that shed
really reminds me of your house.
It really does.
Really?
So your boss, this Simona.
What does she do?
Simona?
She's a shareholder at D.R.C.
You know it?
D.R.C.?
Its sounds familiar.
D.R.C... No.
No, I don't think I know it.
How can you not? They produce
the most innovative medical equipment.
Catheters, shunts,
optic cables for intracorporeal visualizations.
You don't know it?
No, I don't.
Her husband Moshe Artzi founded the plant.
God bless him.
He was a good man. Salt of the earth.
Moshe Artzi.
Moshe Artzi.
You don't know him either?
No, I don't.
You know, us country folk
don't know many things.
Besides, we go to bed early.
I know, right?
Well.
She's his second wife.
The first one died.
A very beautiful woman.
Very beautiful.
Who, his first wife?
-No, I don't know the first one.
I was talking about Simona.
Oh, I thought...
I was talking about Simona.
Very beautiful.
Very cultured woman. Very cultured.
You haven't heard of me, by any chance?
Avikam Gross, publicist?
I was written up in the gossip columns.
There was even a picture.
Avikam Gross.
Publicist.
No.
But, as I said before...
It's the country. Can't be helped.
-Yes.
Some things must not...
But she finds me indispensable.
Really, she said so. In her own words.
"Avikam, you're indispensable.
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
Just like that.
In those words.
-Of course.
Is everything alright?
No, it's just,
there's something stuck in my throat. Thanks.
Avikam, I'm heading out
for my morning run.
So get settled, make yourself comfortable
and join us later. -Sure thing.
We'll show you around the area.
Okay? Excellent.
Exceptional.
Hey.
You wouldn't believe the treasure we've landed.
What?
-Avikam Gross.
Publicist.
I'm in love already.
You have to go to him.
You could live for a decade in Tel Aviv
and never meet a guy like that.
I guarantee it.
-Who is it?
Our guest. Avikam Gross.
Publicist.
Yes. He wandered around all night
and then decided to sleep in his car,
just outside the house.
He's the publicist for some rich lady,
I didn't...
quite understand.
In short, we have to set him up with someone.
Netta.
What do you think?
Hmm? He looks like someone
who would get married in a heartbeat.
Well? Let's go.
Go to him,
marry him.
Do your mother a favor.
Dad? -Hmm?
-Don't bug me. I just woke up.
Who's bugging you?
Am I bugging you?
I'm simply trying to get rid
of as many girls as I can at once,
that's all.
Where are you going?
-To have breakfast with Anat.
Does Mom know?
-Yes.
Did she say you could go?
Are you kidding? It was her idea.
There are rich bachelors staying there.
She insisted we go make friends.
Alright, go.
Make friends.
But don't you dare marry them.
I'm saving you
for Avikam Gross.
-The publicist.
The publicist.
-The publicist.
Bye, Dad.
Ora, I found Netta a husband.
Alright. Show me your cleavage.
Wow.
My God.
He's going to die.
And some homemade bread.
-Wow, thank you.
You're welcome.
-This is great.
Wonderful. Enjoy.
Oh.
Hello.
-Hi. -Hey, what's up? -Okay.
Alona.
Come, sit with us.
Let us buy you breakfast.
Go on, sit with them.
Don't you want to?
Go on, I have to finish up some work anyway.
Alright, I'll go watch them
because I think they're minutes away
from disappearing into some grove.
Let them, why do you care?
I have to protect the family honor.
Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
We just ran out of things to say.
Oh, really?
What did you talk about
before you ran out of topics?
Don't remember.
Artzi, what did we talk about?
You expect me to remember
every stupid thing you say?
Yes, because you're my friend,
you should remember the stupid things I say.
I can't tell him that he says stupid things.
Why, doesn't he?
Of course he does,
but he's my boss
and he's far more educated,
far richer
and far stronger than I am,
so I'm afraid he'll hit me.
Do you hit him?
No, but he scares me,
especially on Friday nights
when he's stuck at home
with nothing to do.
What does he do
when he doesn't have anything to do?
He bugs me.
Would you like me to leave,
so you can gossip about me?
Why? It's nice to talk trash about you
while you're here.
Omer, you're such an idiot.
Why would you ever talk trash about him?
Was that trash? Are you kidding me?
Wasn't it?
In our family it starts with,
"Shut the hell up"
and deteriorates from there.
Oh, we really don't talk like that.
Besides,
you can't talk trash about Artzi.
Oh really? Why, is he perfect?
Tell me, are you perfect?
Of course not.
Let's change the subject.
See? He admits that he isn't perfect.
Would you mind talking about something,
or maybe someone, else?
Sure, but first you need
to confess to a character flaw.
Why, do you like people
who flaunt their defects?
No.
-Then please.
I think self-awareness
is the first step to a solution.
If you don't know you have a problem,
how can you solve it?
I think self-awareness
is the first step to doing nothing.
I agree.
I have a ton of problems and defects
and I'm well aware of them,
but it doesn't help at all.
Really? What problems
could you possibly have?
A week ago...
-I got it.
I'm bitter, bad-tempered
and argumentative.
-That's right.
You really are bad-tempered.
I have one too. I'm a crier.
Really? What makes you cry?
Everything.
Autumn, films, fights.
I cry from hunger.
-Really?
If I want to eat something
and it isn't available,
I can burst into tears.
Especially when it comes to Tahini.
That's true, Tahini really does make her cry.
Before I leave the house,
I have to make sure
all the cabinet doors are shut.
I never go to the toilet
in other people's homes.
I'm afraid they'll hear me.
Why are we talking about this
at the breakfast table?
Why not?
We're talking about a significant flaw.
We're trying to get to the bottom of it.
It's a group dynamic.
I haven't said mine yet.
I can't stand knees.
Whose knees?
Everyone's.
I hate mine especially,
but everyone's.
Disgusting body part.
Alright, everyone's spoken.
Now you have to confess something, Artzi.
Okay.
I'm not spontaneous.
Me too, I hate spontaneity.
Is that a flaw?
What are we doing, sitting here chatting?
Look at this lovely day.
Let's go for a walk.
Oh, you probably have to get back to work.
Yes.
-No, no. Don't go to work. Come with us.
No, no. We actually
do have to get back to work.
There's so much to do.
Forget work.
Be spontaneous.
I'll be spontaneous at Mom and Dad's.
You stay.
Mom! Dad's here.
Dad's here.
We might decide to get another plane,
if there's a demand for one.
Since it's winter anyway,
we need to find other sources of income.
There aren't that many flights.
Mostly rescue operations,
which don't pay much.
But suddenly, now that I'm here,
there's more work.
Nushi,
on the one hand, you aren't really listening.
On the other hand,
you're looking at me. Admit it.
I admit it, I was looking at you.
Why aren't you listening to me?
Is it because you find me so handsome
that you can't focus on anything?
That's right.
You're the handsomest hunk I've ever seen.
But Miki, darling, my hunk,
why didn't you let me know you were coming?
Because if I'd told you I'm coming,
and you had a boyfriend
that you were hiding from me,
you'd have had time to hide him.
Where exactly would she hide him?
Or maybe you weren't planning to come
until something fell through
and you ended up here?
Say, Zohar,
how can you stand your mother?
Is she such a nag to you, too?
Yes, but she nags me all day long.
She only nags you when she sees you.
Well, even so. She...
She's nice, isn't she?
Yes.
-Yes.
Yes, sometimes.
She barks more often
than she wags her tail.
She just needs someone to play with her,
that's all.
Do me a favor and shut up, alright?
Fine.
Just try and...
make some time for me.
Just a little, maybe today or tomorrow?
Book us a room. I need privacy.
Seriously, Miki.
Look at him. I don't believe it.
Look at him laughing, flirting, hugging.
I tell you, Ora,
of all our ex-sons-in-law,
he's my favorite.
Look how Zorki looks at him.
As if he's God or something.
That loser.
Oh, he's not a loser.
You're just jealous
because he's nice and you aren't.
Of course I'm jealous.
Why wouldn't I be?
He left his wife and daughter,
and see how they look at him.
No, you look and see
how much he loves Zorki.
You can tell he loves Zorki,
and Nushi as well.
I didn't say he doesn't love them.
He just doesn't want
to live with them, that's all.
Really?
Is that what you think?
Since when are you the State Comptroller?
I don't understand. A 20-year-old guy
knocks up his girlfriend,
your clever daughter, I might add,
who could have been careful herself.
A girl was born and they got married.
Things didn't work out. It happens.
They were kids themselves.
What do you want?
Why are you settling scores now?
Besides, it was so long ago.
They've both grown up.
You can't know what he's like now.
People change.
He hasn't.
I guarantee it.
He was a shithead,
and he's still a shithead.
Oh.
Nushi.
-What?
You know what you need?
A headache pill.
-No, no. Stop.
It's not that bad.
Look, he's behaving himself.
And look how happy Zorki is.
How can he make her that happy?
Mom, since she was born
he can barely remember she exists.
He didn't go to a single kindergarten event.
He barely showed up
to a single grade school graduation party.
He calls once a month,
visits twice a year
and even then it's because
he has business in the area.
Look how much she adores him.
Why?
Because he's her dad.
Why doesn't she adore me like that?
I'm her mother.
Sweetie,
that has nothing to do with it.
I went to every holiday event:
Purim, Passover, Hanukkah,
Mother's Day.
So what?
Do either you or Netta adore me?
No, neither of you do.
-That's because you're an idiot.
And a bother.
I may be a bothersome idiot,
but at least I'm here.
And what good is that?
Do we like having you here?
Why are you picking a fight with me now?
Nushi?
-What? -Do me a favor.
Take some herbal tea
up to the vacation home, alright?
What? Where is it?
Over there.
-There.
What are you up to?
Nothing.
-No, I know you,
and I know that look on your face.
I'm not up to anything.
There's no look.
It's just that when she meets
that idiot in the vacation home,
it'll improve her mood.
I don't believe this.
You want to tell me
you sent her up to the vacation home
as a prank?
Why not?
Pranks are good. They're funny.
You know,
sometimes you act like such an idiot
that I can't remember
why I ever married you.
If I was an idiot,
I might have joined
that nice son-in-law of yours
and moved to an igloo in Alaska.
Then a miracle would happen
and you'd be eaten by a polar bear.
God, I wish.
Those Chinese are so ugly.
It's terrible.
So what?
What are you reading?
A book.
What's it about?
Stalin.
That sounds kind of heavy.
Yeah, it's pretty heavy.
Where's the fun in that?
It's not fun.
I don't think Stalin
was a very fun guy.
I love historical fiction.
They're so interesting
and you can learn so much.
Take Mao, for example.
It's amazing much
the Chinese look alike, isn't it?
Have you read "The Da Vinci Code"?
Noga is so cute.
Really.
Yes.
And she's grown
since the last time I saw her.
She wasn't as tall back then,
was she?
Probably not.
When was the last time I saw her?
About six months ago?
Hmm.
And she's so funny.
She made me laugh so hard on the way.
It was hilarious.
Was it? That's nice.
Hey, what's up?
I brought you some tea.
-Thank you.
Is everything alright?
-Yes. -Is there anything you need?
Nothing, everything's great.
I have everything I need.
Your parents pampered me properly.
Micha and Ora are your parents, right?
Yes.
-Then you must be the younger daughter.
No, I'm the eldest.
Oh, the divorcee with the kid.
Not that I mind, right?
Yes, I'm the divorcee with the kid.
Do you know Simona Liberman-Artzi?
She also had a daughter from a failed marriage
before she met her second husband,
so...
-You don't say.
Really? I didn't know that.
Well, Tel Aviv is full of divorcees.
Right.
Other places, too.
There are divorcees everywhere.
Even abroad, I think.
And I don't live in Tel Aviv, so...
There's no shame in it.
There are other divorcees with girls.
Yes, and with boys, too.
And there are divorcees who have
both boys and girls, though not always.
Right?
Have you been divorced long?
Ages.
I've been divorced with a kid
longer than I've been single.
And longer than I've been married.
You must meet a lot of men
who are bothered by it.
I don't know.
I don't meet that many men.
Because I'm not bothered by it.
Divorcees with kids.
Oh, really? Alright.
I mean, I'd understand
if you were bothered by it.
I can understand people who are.
If it bothered you
I'd totally understand,
because it can be bothersome.
Do you need any more towels?
I think the quality
of the person is what matters.
I mean, kids aren't an issue.
Who'd ever think kids are an issue?
That they're trouble?
They're no trouble at all.
Kids are great.
I'd love to have kids, just so you know.
Oh yeah?
I didn't know that.
Great, good for you.
It's not about being good.
It's not that I want kids so I can be good.
It's just that my situation in life...
I never married.
I don't know why. Never had the chance.
And...
Now I have only two options,
I can either date women
who are much younger than me,
which some men are into
but I...
I'm no good with young women.
Or rather,
they're no good with me.
That's option one.
Or I could find a life partner,
someone my age,
someone mature, responsible.
But women at that age
are all divorced,
with girls. Or boys.
We can't banish them to Siberia, can we?
-Definitely not.
Definitely not.
So...
would you go out with me?
I mean, I think you're really nice
and I don't mind the whole
"divorced with a kid" thing.
It doesn't bother me.
You're pleasant and polite,
and...
I'd treat you well.
I'm not an asshole.
There's no one I can be an asshole to.
It's so kind of you to offer.
Really, very nice.
And I could tell from the start
that you weren't an asshole. -Thanks.
But no.
I don't think it'll work out.
I don't think we're compatible.
How I about I introduce you
to a friend of mine who will go out with you?
She's a much better match for you than I am.
I'm really not looking
for a relationship right now.
It's not just you.
How about it?
How do you know she'll agree?
She'll agree. Trust me.
Sure.
Ready, Avikam?
It's really nice of you
to take me to see your friend
when you don't even know me.
I... can't tell you how much
that means to me, really.
Don't get so excited.
She's a nice girl. She won't bite.
You don't know
how city girls treat me.
Well, this is the country.
-Yes.
Nushik.
-Hey. There's Anat.
Hi.
-Hi.
Bye.
Avikam Gross.
Nice to meet you.
-It's so lovely here.
Yes, I agree.
Otherwise you wouldn't live here.
-Right.
May I help you?
-Gladly.
I finally tracked you down.
We live in the same house,
it's not much of a challenge.
-Oh, Alona, Alona.
Alright, enough.
This isn't appropriate.
-It's very appropriate.
Enough.
No, stop.
Why, Alona? Isn't this tradition?
I know it's tradition. That's the problem.
I don't see the problem.
I love you. That's all.
Yes, that much I know.
So?
So...
So you love me twice a year. That's...
not much.
Not enough.
Well, you know me, don't you?
-Yes. I know you.
Do you want to know something, Miki?
-What?
I think I'm pathetic.
Pathetic? How come?
Because...
it's been 15 years since my divorce
and I still sleep with my ex-husband.
Twice a year, I sleep with my ex-husband.
What kind of life is that?
There are married couples out there
who do a lot less than that.
And it's not twice a year, Alona.
It's a lot more.
Oh, alright. Fine.
I don't want to do it anymore.
I don't want it.
You've met someone.
How could I meet someone?
I have you.
Over the holidays. Pathetic.
Well, it's a holiday now.
Come into the room.
No, enough.
Enough.
Enough. -Don't be stupid, Alona.
You'll regret it eventually.
I already regret it
because I've been thinking
of sleeping with you since the summer, but no.
Enough. Enough.
Enough, enough, enough.
Enough.
But it's the holidays.
I can't believe that Alona.
How could my stupid brother
think she's cool?
I don't get him.
Did you see the rags she wears?
And her hair.
Unkempt, bad haircut.
I don't understand
women who let themselves go like that.
I just don't.
Did you see anything cool about her?
She's pretty old, too.
She's kind of gross, no?
No.
She isn't? What's pretty about her?
She's got nice eyes.
Nice eyes?
I only say that about fat girls.
I say that about women
who have nice eyes.
That girl has nice eyes and she isn't fat.
She may not be fat, but...
she's not shapely.
You're really into her, aren't you?
Shall I book the wedding venue?
Women have a very active imagination.
You say one nice thing about a girl,
and they're all set to book the venue.
Well, her sister Netta
is nice.
In her own way.
An idiotic, provincial way
with her tits hanging out.
You know something?
-What?
The trees, the flowers,
the air, all this nature...
What about it?
It's kind of itchy and uncomfortable.
If only we could get a room.
It's funny. You've got a room,
I've got a room,
and here we are under some tree.
I don't even know which kind.
Pine.
-Pine. Right.
What are you doing tonight?
I'm going dancing.
Really? Where?
Here, in the village.
We have ballroom dancing.
Really? Is it good?
Are you any good at it?
-I'm great at it.
Yes, I'm sure you are.
Oh, that's my sister.
Hi.
Hi.
What's up?
Alright.
We're taking a walk.
Oh.
Nice. Where?
Honestly, I have no idea.
Netta knows.
Netta, where are we?
Rosh Pina Stream.
-Rosh Pina Stream.
How about that?
So Rosh Pina has a stream, too.
Nice.
Yeah.
When will you be back?
Why, are you bored?
Not at all.
We're actually having a great time.
It's quiet. Nice.
And what are you doing?
Artzi is resting.
And I'm resting too.
I'm reading, listening to music.
Fun.
How about you?
Nothing.
Killing termites.
And when will you be done with your nothing?
Don't know. Maybe when we get hungry.
Are you hungry?
-No, not yet.
Then not yet.
Alright, then talk to us when you get hungry.
We'll be here meanwhile, having...
so much fun.
Bye.
-Alright, bye.
What a nag.
-What did she want?
Nothing. She's just bored.
What's she doing out there?
-Nothing.
What do you think about the guy
I set Anat up with? Have you met him?
Only for a moment.
Isn't that the guy
Dad told you to set me up with?
Yes, Avikam Gross, publicist.
Then why'd you set him up with Anat,
and not me? What kind of sister are you?
I made an executive decision
and decided he's better for Anat.
Besides, I set you up with Ben-Gal.
Oh, you're quick.
It's not like that.
Oh, no? Then what's it like?
I don't know. I think I'm in love.
Already? You only got divorced a week ago.
Lucky me. If I hadn't gotten divorced,
nothing would have happened.
Yes, but now you say you're in love.
Isn't it great?
Hi.
-Hi.
Hi.
Hi, what's up?
What the hell are those clothes?
This is fun.
No pushing.
Zorki's thirsty, she wants something to drink.
Do you have any money?
Alright.
Hold on.
Dad, after this we...
have to dance again.
Alright.
But Dad needs to catch his breath first.
I'm going to the toilet, alright?
Do you want to eat something as well?
Processed meat remnants in cylindrical form.
What?
A hot dog.
But look at this line.
No worries, I'll cut it.
Want to dance?
What?
Who with?
With me.
Are you trying to think of an excuse?
Excuse for what?
Why you can't dance with me.
Are you scared?
Scared of what, you?
Think of it as being hospitable.
You know,
no one will be here tomorrow morning anyway.
But can you tango?
Tango?
Maybe.
Can you?
Are you kidding me?
I'm a tango master.
Noga?
What's going on? What are you doing?
Dancing.
Oh, you're dancing.
Who exactly are you dancing with?
Miki. She's dancing with Miki.
Oh, with Miki. Hi, Miki.
How old are you, Miki?
-Is there a problem?
What is she, your girlfriend?
-No, my sister.
Stop it, Nimrod.
She's 19.
Why do you care? I don't understand.
Weren't you just dancing, too?
Mind your own business.
Who do you think you are, my commander?
My father?
It's not your day, is it, man?
Now you've pissed up both your sister
and my ex-wife.
What?
Alona. Alona, my ex-wife.
Mother of my child.
She's a good dancer, isn't she?
So this is your ex?
Yes, that's my ex.
You know I'm divorced,
so, I have an ex.
If I was a widow, I wouldn't have an ex.
And does he usually...
hit on young girls?
Your sister isn't a girl, she's 19.
Didn't you do anything foolish
when you were 19?
No.
Then you're an idiot.
That's right, I really am an idiot.
Can I sit with you?
Yeah, sure.
So what?
Were you crying?
No.
Is it because I danced with that girl?
As if I care.
Then what was it?
You can tell me.
I hate Mom.
I want you to take me away.
Simona Liberman-Artzi has invited us to dinner.
Wow.
I thought we were having dinner at your place.
That's great. Where does she live?
Not far from here. We can walk.
-Okay.
Alright? I'll show you some nice houses.
-Okay.
Why did she invite us, all of the sudden?
Who cares? It's a great honor.
Not just great, huge.
Really. She doesn't invite just anyone.
I think she wanted to honor me.
Because of you.
Lovely.
Just don't let the house intimidate you.
Everyone's intimidated by it
when they see it for the first time.
I'll never forget
the first time I saw it.
I just looked at it...
My tongue retracted, like this...
I didn't...
I wanted to have a drink,
but I was afraid to spill something
on the carpet and ruin it or something.
Everything cost a fortune.
It was just awful.
But the most important thing
is to be natural.
Really, I mean that.
As much as you can,
considering the circumstances
and Simona's personality,
which can be a little daunting.