What a Bachelor Needs (2009): Season 1, Episode 1 - Episode #1.1 - full transcript
What a Bachelor Needs
Come on, Zorki. Stop it.
Enough with the long face.
Why don't you give me a smile?
You know what, forget the smile.
A growl. Growl at me.
I told you a month ago that we'd be going.
I told you.
It's not like you found out this morning.
It's been a month.
You've had a month
to prepare yourself for this tragedy.
And what exactly are you missing out on, hmm?
What's that festival called?
Comibombo? Paroshanti? What?
I can't do this anymore.
Know what?
Talk to me when you're over this.
I'll be here, in the car.
By the wheel.
Driving.
And now for the weather report,
tomorrow will see another drop in temperatures,
mostly in the mountains...
Well, what can we do?
Can you fix it?
Yes, I think so.
Well?
Well what?
Fix it!
No, I don't think so.
Why not?
-Why not?
Because it's dirty work.
So what?
Come on, Artzi. Pull out...
some doodad,
screw some nuts and bolts and let's go.
So you'll have to get a little dirty, so what?
It's just a shirt.
You think there are no laundries up north?
Oh, just a shirt.
How many times have I told you?
Either you buy a car that's right for you,
or you learn to drive.
But you didn't bother to learn to drive
and still bought a car with a gear shift.
Are you purposefully trying
to show the world what an idiot you are?
No.
Because I'm not an idiot,
and I'm a great driver.
And this is a cool car.
Sure. It's very cool.
Yes, it is cool.
Look how cool it is.
Alright.
What... what are you doing?
I'm going to hitch a ride.
In a car that works.
What about the car?
What about it?
Put down a warning triangle.
What? My car will get stolen.
Who's going to steal it?
It doesn't work, idiot.
I don't know.
Some Arab from the mountains
will strap it to a donkey or something.
That's 250,000 shekels, gone.
Are you crazy?
Come on! Grab your suitcase.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Put down a triangle.
Moron.
Where do I put the triangle?
What's wrong?
Why are we stopping?
Oh, you're talking to me now?
Lucky me.
I stopped because I need to pee.
Why here?
You're going to go in the field?
There's a toilet just up ahead.
You think your Hushicoco festival
has toilets with water, paper and soap?
Everyone goes outdoors,
in holes they dug up.
Then they wipe with leaves.
So I'm going to pee in the field, alright?
Hushicoco.
Hey! Are you nuts?
What are you doing here?
Sorry.
-Get out of here.
I didn't know anyone was out here.
I'm sorry.
It's alright. I'm not even looking at you.
I've got my back turned.
It's alright.
Fuck.
Alright, fine. Nothing happened.
You didn't see anything,
I didn't see anything.
It's alright. A little embarrassing,
but alright.
-Yeah, pretty embarrassing.
Alright, I'm done and I'm going. Bye.
Don't step in the puddle.
Did your car break down too?
No.
It's just pondering.
-Oh.
I'm Ben-Gal.
Zohar.
My car broke down.
Don't know what happened. Unclear.
Something happened. I don't know.
Say,
are there car thieves around here?
How should I know?
What am I, the head scientist?
So what? You drive this car?
Me? No.
Then who?
My bio mom.
What?
Where is she?
She went to the toilet.
There's a toilet here?
What's going on, Zohar? Who is this?
This is Ben-Gal.
His car broke down.
This is my mom.
Hi.
Ben-Gal.
-Hi.
My car broke down.
Where? I don't see any cars around here.
It's just around the corner.
So what, you need cables?
No, the problem is...
What broke down was the carburetor, or...
What's it called? The alternator?
I don't actually know what's wrong with it.
It just started...
emitting this thick, white smoke.
Oh.
Okay.
I put down a triangle.
Oh yeah?
-Yeah. -Great.
Do you know any garages around here?
A good one, though.
Ben-Gal!
Ben-Gal!
Ben-Gal!
Look, man. I got us a ride.
Put your things inside.
Hello.
Mom?
What?
Do you think they're rich?
Those two idiots?
I don't know.
Could be.
Mom?
What?
Would you want to marry someone rich?
To swim in a pool made of money
and drink from gold glasses?
Why do you ask?
Because rich people need to marry, too.
What does a single man who has everything
need, besides a wife?
You're a woman.
Yes, I'm a woman.
I'm one hell of a woman.
Alright, you're a woman.
I don't want you to get remarried.
I think I'm through with marriage.
If you want any rich people in this family,
you'll have to marry them yourself.
You could remarry dad, if you wanted.
One marriage to your father
was enough, wasn't it?
It was just a question.
No need to piss off the air.
Zorki...
-What?
Would you like to change the subject?
Definitely.
Alright, what should we talk about?
Grandpa?
Grandma?
Netta?
Netta.
She is the hottest topic right now.
Go easy on her.
She's not in the best place right now.
You'll have to be
very nice to her when we get there.
Why? Is she traumatized?
Traumatized?
I don't know if I'd call it that,
but divorce isn't fun.
Right.
She's definitely traumatized.
Grandma said she's traumatized.
Grandma's traumatized too, I think.
Is she?
Do you even know what trauma is?
Sure. Trauma.
It's a very cool word.
Right. Very cool.
Well? What's going on?
People are traumatized here.
He said he'll send someone
to bring the car here.
But he closes for lunch
so if it isn't a quick fix
I'll have to leave the car here,
and he probably won't be able
to get to it over the weekend.
Well, I really hope it's a quick fix.
So what do you want to do?
You want to take your things?
We're actually heading someplace.
I don't remember what it's called...
Artzi?
Where are you?
Artzi.
-What?
Well?
I don't know. Someone
has to go with the tow truck to get the car.
Someone?
-Yes, someone.
Can it be anyone,
or does it need to be
the person who owns the car?
I see how it is, Artzi.
What do you see?
I'm the one who needs
to go with the tow truck, aren't I?
Nice. You really do see.
And what will I do with all my stuff?
Well...
I need to get to Amuka.
Could you drop me off
at a taxi stand?
We're going to Amuka.
My grandparents own some vacation homes there.
Maybe you're staying
at my grandparents' homes.
Maybe.
Can I ride with you?
If it's alright.
I wouldn't ask if there was any other way.
No, it's alright.
We're going there anyway.
Get in.
What about your friend?
He'll catch another ride later.
Wait, you're leaving me here?
What can I do?
You need to wait for the car.
But I'll die of boredom.
You'll manage.
Nushki! I'm so happy you're here.
Incredible.
Wow, Zorki.
Look how much you've grown.
You're so beautiful.
You have such a beautiful daughter.
You look good, too.
Do your parents know you're here?
You'll stay for coffee, right?
Maybe later.
We're just dropping someone off.
But you'll show me the room, right?
No, there's no time for that, Zorki.
We're just dropping off things,
dropping off...
him, and then we're going
to Grandpa and Grandma.
Who are you dropping off?
This guy?
You're dropping him off?
Yes, we're...
I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot.
I don't remember your name.
Artzi. Nimrod.
-Right. -Nimrod Artzi.
I booked two vacation rooms
under that name. -That's right.
Artzi. I remember. I'm Anat.
Hello.
-Hello, nice to meet you.
Would you like to bring in your things?
Yes.
-While he's bringing his things,
can you show me the room?
He's fine with it.
Not now Zorki.
It's just... The room isn't ready yet,
you're a little early and I haven't
made the bed or placed the candles.
You know what?
Zohar,
why don't you show Nimrod around?
Ten minutes, and the room will be all yours.
Anati, where am I supposed to take him?
Flower-picking?
That's against the law. You like flowers?
Take him to the house.
Get him some coffee.
Alright? We have a really good
coffee machine, don't worry.
Ten minutes, alright?
Alona, come with me for a moment.
Come on, Zohar.
So...
Frosting for some coffee?
Frosting?
Are you cool with coffee.
Oh.
Am I cool with it?
Yeah, I'm cool with it.
Frosty.
Frosty.
He's hot. Where'd you find him?
In the bushes.
Yeah, I went to pee,
got up while my pants were still down
and bam, he was there
on the other side of the bush.
How romantic!
Turns out his friend's car broke down
and they were heading this way anyway.
So I had no choice,
I had to give him a ride.
Okay, can we circle back
to the friend thing?
Was he a "special friend"
or an "army buddy" friend?
Why do you care?
They didn't seem particularly gay,
but you never know nowadays.
Then let's say they're straight,
alright? Because he's rich
as well as handsome.
How do you know he's rich?
Nushki, only rich people come here.
We're really expensive.
Alona, you have no idea
who stayed here since we opened.
Oh, so you're part of high society now.
Wonderful. Aren't you pleased?
Sure, by the money.
But no one single ever comes here, which sucks.
And if they do come here,
they bring their girlfriends
in order to propose.
So not only
do I get nothing out of it,
but I also have to arrange
all sorts of romantic settings.
What do you mean?
For their proposals.
They go out to dinner,
we go into the room
and set up scented candles
and rose petals, turn on the hot tub.
Bring in the cellist.
They come back from dinner,
the girl opens the door,
the cellist plays...
The girl gets excited,
the guy says, "I have a surprise for you,
"but you have to get into
the hot tub to get it."
Then the girl performs a striptease,
gets into the hot tub and finds... a ring.
Hold on, Anati.
How do you know all this?
Do you peak?
-No way.
I'm in the kitchen with the pots and pans,
how could I peak?
Netta peaked once
and told me about it.
You're saying
that if I ever go out with anyone,
I'll have to do a striptease too?
I'd rather die.
What are you talking about?
You can't have sex nowadays
without a striptease.
Seriously?
Like, with the lights on?
Sure.
And with fancy lace lingerie
in weird colors.
Get real, Nushki.
Nowadays romance
means acting like a prostitute.
What about meeting a guy
while you're peeing in a field?
That's the most romantic thing ever,
because no one's done it.
That's why I asked if he's gay,
because if he is we'll get nothing out of it.
Are we supposed to get something out of it?
Sure.
If a guy comes along
who's both rich and handsome,
there's an opportunity there.
But you said yourself that they're all
either married or getting there.
True, but even the married ones
might get divorced one day.
And when they get divorced,
where do you think
they'll come for some pampering?
Don't know.
Here, silly.
So even if nothing's
going to come of it now,
I think of it as an investment.
And that Artzi,
mark my words,
is into you.
Seriously?
What makes you think that?
He seemed pretty shocked by Zorki,
and I don't know. He seems...
clean.
-Right.
You're not wrong.
Still, I have a hunch.
I have a hunch, too.
That he's a misanthrope.
-Why do you say that?
Maybe he's just shy.
You can be a shy misanthrope.
The two aren't mutually exclusive.
Just pray her parents don't show up.
That's a family of teeth right there.
Her dad especially,
he's a full set of teeth.
Teeth?
They chatter.
Oh.
Teeth.
Cute.
-Yeah.
He's a boring waste of time.
That whole family is a bunch of teeth.
They went to Tuscany for six months
and think that makes them experts on Italy.
But that's only because Anat
was traumatized when her boyfriend left her
to marry one of her friends in the village.
She had to go away and recover.
Can you imagine?
Two parents
taking their daughter
who's 30 and a million
to Tuscany for six months?
And all because of who?
Don't know. Someone I know?
Yonatan Spielman.
You know. Redheaded,
ugly, short.
Doesn't it just squeeze your brain?
Squeeze my brain?
You're not great with words,
are you?
No, not really.
I actually don't know
how to use the coffee machine.
I think Anat just wanted to get rid of me.
Listen, if it was instant coffee,
I wouldn't have a problem.
My mother slaves me away at home,
I make her instant coffee all the time.
I don't really like instant coffee.
I don't love cappuccinos, either.
Do you like instant coffee?
No.
Then cappuccino?
No.
Espresso.
Make me a cup?
Of espresso?
Aren't you a little young?
For an espresso?
I may be a little young for marriage...
Although, maybe not in my family.
Why, does your family marry young?
My grandparents married in the army,
my mom just after the army.
And my aunt Netta
married her high school boyfriend,
but they divorced a week ago
and she's super traumatized.
Who's traumatized?
I mean, who's divorced?
Both my mom and Netta.
-Oh yeah?
But I think
it's better to get married and divorced
than to never marry at all.
So Anat is even more traumatized
because she was never married.
If you married her, you'd be doing a favor
to the world, and to yourself.
She's a killer cook.
I'm glad to hear it,
because we're dining here tonight.
Oh, it would be great if you guys got married.
She's on the lookout for a husband.
You could marry my aunt Netta, too.
You or your friend.
She's an okay cook.
And she's pretty.
Really pretty.
I'm not sure we'll have time
to get married while we're here.
Oh, that won't be a problem for Anat.
She'll marry anyone.
Just give her a day.
Are you married?
You're not married.
No, not married.
How come?
You're not super ugly.
We could breed you with someone
and make okay kids.
I'm not really into
marriage right now, honestly.
Why, are you gay?
Excuse me,
I need to go check on my friend.
Bye, hon.
What's going on?
When will you get here?
I'm done for, I think I'll be stuck here
all through the weekend
before I get this car fixed.
Did you talk to the girls?
Yeah, they're coming to pick me up.
If they can find me.
Can Noga navigate?
Like a five-year-old in the dark.
Damn. Karin's the same way.
How about you?
You latched onto the hot girl
and ditched me?
Who's hot?
You think I latched onto anyone here?
Yes.
No, I haven't latched onto anyone.
If anything, I'm stuck with her.
Really, man?
If you weren't so clearly into her,
I wouldn't have stepped aside for you.
But I figured,
why ruin it, if there's a chance?
Are you high or something?
That girl went to pee
in the bushes like a farmer,
her car is a trash can on wheels,
her daughter won't shut up,
and if that's not bad enough,
the moment I set foot in here
her daughter started to go and on
about how I need to marry her aunt
or one of the other old maids around here.
And you have the nerve
to tell me I'm into someone.
Seriously?
So the room sucks?
The room seems fine,
but I think there's a storeroom
full of single women
who are waiting for us with pitchforks.
Really? Great.
So great.
I'm going to hide out in the room until
I can make sure the slob from the mountains
isn't coming after me with a ring.
Come on, get here already. I'm dying here.
Alright. I'll see you later.
What?
What's wrong?
Why are you laughing?
I just heard the guy I drove,
the hot one... -Well?
Talking to his friend on the phone.
And...
He called me a "slob from the mountains"
and was shocked that I peed in the bushes.
Seriously?
I almost chimed in to tell him
I didn't wipe, either,
but I took pity on him.
-Yeah.
He's that shocked by some pee in the bushes?
What's wrong with him? -Right.
So if you don't want him,
mind if I hit on him?
Give him a striptease
in the hot tub for all I care.
You and the cellist.
I made some espresso.
Thank you.
-Alright, the room is ready.
Here's your key.
I hope you like it.
When will your friends arrive?
Oh, they're not exactly my friends.
Oh, okay.
Then who's coming?
Family.
Oh, lovely.
What do you mean by "family"?
Family.
I'm just asking
because I need to know
how to arrange the room.
It depends on the guests.
If it's a couple, I put things for couples.
Like what, sea movies?
-What are sea movies?
What color is the sea?
Nushki, what are you teaching your daughter?
She learned that one on her own.
No, I mean things for couples.
You know,
essential oils, flowers.
To set a romantic mood.
Do you want something romantic?
If you're going to propose,
we have a special marriage package.
I just need advance notice,
so I have time to prepare. Alright?
The special marriage package
includes special items?
Yeah, what's a special marriage package,
Anati?
Trust me, Zorki.
It's not for you.
Or for me.
No, it's lovely.
And the...
essential oils.
What are they for?
Massages, of course.
And who's giving the massage?
Oh, we have great masseuses here.
Or masseurs, if you prefer.
Do you prefer masseurs?
-Anat, you're such a barbarian.
Just tell her you hate massages.
I really do hate massages.
Really? Me too.
I can't stand being touched by a stranger.
Well, alright. No masseurs.
But you can massage your girlfriend,
or your girlfriend can massage you.
There are lots of options.
So how many family members are we expecting?
Are your wives joining us?
No.
Oh, so no women in your group.
Oh, there are two.
Anati,
you're toast.
-Alright, Zorki. We're done here.
Anati needs to start cooking
and finish her interrogation.
We'll talk later.
Artzi,
have fun with your friends.
And you don't have to answer
every question you get asked.
Oh, say hi to Ben-Gal.
But I thought we were going to see the room.
-Later. Bye.
Did you come up
with "sea movies" on your own? -Yeah.
I have such a genius kid. Love you.
Who's Ben-Gal?
I've been waiting for you for ages.
What's wrong?
Where's your car, with all your stuff?
Why didn't you say you'll be late?
-But we aren't.
Why are you saying we're late?
-You said you'd be here earlier.
It's unbelievable.
Your dad has lost it. Zorki,
your grandpa is insane.
Honestly, this time I told him to call,
but he said no.
He said that if there was an accident,
they'd let us know.
How would they let us know?
How would they know? Come on.
Why didn't you cut your hair?
You said she was going to get a haircut.
What didn't you get a haircut, Zorki?
Mom, you talk to her about it.
She doesn't want a haircut.
You want me to get a bob cut
or something, Grandma? -Maybe.
Oh, that's gross.
Mom, why don't you take Zohar to see Grandpa
and Netta and I will go bring the car?
What, now?
-Yes.
Why didn't you bring it earlier? Where is it?
I wanted to walk a little.
It was a two-hour drive.
I don't understand.
Where's the car now?
At the Reuvenis'.
Did you see the vacation homes
they built there?
Anat promised to give me a tour.
Oh my God, Zohar.
I don't believe this.
Let me get this straight,
you went to see Anat first?
Why?
Why?
Here I was, losing my mind,
Dad and Netta were waiting for you
and you went to see Anat. Why?
What do you mean by that?
You come to your family first.
Come on, Mom. It wasn't like that.
What was it like?
Give her a break, Mom.
When you have kids, you give them a break.
Yes, Nushi? -We gave a ride
to some guy whose car broke down.
Oh?
What guy?
Just a guy.
Kind of bland.
-Bland how? In what way?
Listen, Mom.
Nushi and I are going to get the car,
we'll be right back.
Okay?
-Fine, okay. But tell me, Nushi,
who's the guy? What's he like?
Is he cute?
Nushi!
Zorki.
You're Grandma's favorite granddaughter.
Now focus and answer me.
Does Mom have a boyfriend?
Omer, do me a favor
and be careful with my things.
Do you have any idea how expensive
this suitcase is?
I'm dying for a coffee.
Noga, think we could get
a normal cup of coffee here?
Is this even the right place?
I'm desperate for a shower. I look awful.
Hi, Nimrod.
This place is amazing.
Love the north.
Nushi, I'm so glad you came, you know?
It's been terrible these past few days.
Everyone's all over me.
You can't even imagine.
Why didn't you let me
come with you to divorce court?
Why did you go alone?
You shouldn't go alone. It's awful.
Next time, you can come with me.
Next time you'll find a better husband
and you won't ever get divorced.
Took me long enough to find the first one.
Netta.
-What?
You're so pretty.
And nice, and...
I don't know.
You'll find yourself a great husband.
You won't find him.
He'll find you, alright?
One lousy husband doesn't mean anything.
We all have one lousy husband.
Even me.
Yeah. I feel so pathetic.
Pathetic? Why?
Why?
Because when the Rabbi asked us
if we wanted to get a divorce,
I prayed, I actually prayed
that Shai would stand up and said,
"Actually, no.
"I've thought about it
and I don't want a divorce. I love my wife."
Isn't that pathetic?
And I kept asking myself,
why don't they send us back home
to try and reconcile?
Everyone says
the rabbinical judges are annoying
because they always send couples
to try and reconcile,
and what business is it of theirs?
But I really liked that idea.
At least they care
whether people get divorced.
But I stood there
before those three judges,
and not one of them suggested we reconcile.
Isn't that sad?
Even the Orthodox are tired of us.
How come no one's in my corner?
His parents? His friends?
When we got married,
everyone had an opinion.
They were all so supportive.
All of the sudden, they don't have an opinion?
If they supported us getting married,
it's only logical they'd oppose our divorce,
isn't it?
And Mom's driving me crazy.
She keeps cursing him,
calling him a shit
and an idiot and a bastard,
and I guess that's true, I don't know.
But what does that say about me,
that I was married for five years
to an idiot and a shit and a bastard?
It doesn't say anything about you.
Oh, no?
-No.
You realize that six months ago,
I still thought
that guy loved me?
I thought he was crazy about me.
So who's the idiot?
Well, you told me not to marry him.
I didn't.
You did. You told me
I ought to think it through.
Do you think I was an idiot?
If you were an idiot, then I'm an idiot too.
Need I remind you who I married?
What's that got to do with anything?
You got pregnant.
Which is a huge sign of intelligence.
Are you parked next to Anat?
Will they see me?
So what if they do?
But let's not stay there long,
because if you get stuck there again
I'll get another two-hour speech from mom
and I really can't handle her.
-Alright.
Are there any boys there?
Grandpa, press enter.
Not delete. Enter.
No, no.
Oh.
Found it!
Nushi, come here a second.
Look. Is that him?
Yes, it's him.
Not the best photo of him.
He's a millionaire.
Netta, Nushi, the first one
to show him some cleavage can marry him.
Anat's already on it.
Hold on. Let me see, then we'll decide.
I can't see anything.
Netta, read it out. I don't have my glasses.
"The speaker at the conference
was Nimrod Artzi, CEO of D.R.C."
What's D.R.C.?
That's the company
that owns my company.
Oh.
-They own Nano Star.
Oh, so he's basically your boss.
He's basically my owner. Funny.
I knew about Moshe Artzi
and that his son inherited D.R.C.
and the rest of his business,
but I didn't make the connection.
He's so young.
He looks very nice.
Nice?
He's hot.
There's no way he'll be into you.
Thanks, Dad. Thanks.
I think he's just bland.
Alright, shall I continue?
-Yes.
"The company reported
a 125% increase in their quarterly earnings."
125% of what?
"Nimrod Artzi became CEO
following the death of his father,
"company founder Moshe Artzi."
He's an orphan.
Orphan.
Even being an orphan means something to her.
She thinks everything is an angle.
-Well...
he seems nice and he's very rich
but he's not right for Alona.
Really? How come?
He's too young. He's 28 years old.
He'll be good for Netta.
Alright. Let's leave it up to chance.
Put some notes in a hat.
Whoever wins, I'll go over there
and tell him she's the one he has to marry.
That's it. No need to fight.
You don't know anything.
Listen to me.
He's right for Netta.
He's the right age,
he's rich...
Wait, how much money has he got?
It says here his net worth is estimated
at 30 million dollars. -Wow.
Alright. Netta, Nushi,
what are you doing here? Let's go.
Go marry him already.
Tell your mother to calm down.
I'll calm down
when millionaire bachelors
start showing up here
instead of at the Reuvenis'.
Yes? What will you do
with millionaire bachelors?
You get the millionaires here
and I'll figure out what do with them.
It's funny the food here
was so universally praised.
It's a joke, isn't it, Artzi?
Yes, and I'd laugh if I wasn't so hungry.
And this is what they call Tuscan food.
God.
I remember the food in Tuscany.
Remember how well we ate there?
-Yes. Not like here.
Not at all.
Excuse me, but you sound
like two old biddies.
What's wrong with you?
The food's delicious.
It's great, isn't it?
It's a beautiful place. That Anat seems nice.
-Are you serious?
She tried to dress up, too. Poor thing.
So provincial.
Well, it's nothing like the people in Tuscany,
citizens of the world
who think Israel is in America.
I guess if they're speaking Italian,
they aren't provincial.
Give me a break.
You're such whiners.
Always have to spoil the mood.
Isn't that right, Nogi?
I'm enjoying myself.
-You always enjoy yourself, Nogi.
Not always.
Well, most of the time.
Noga, don't mind my sister.
She's being annoying.
It's a shame your girlfriend didn't show up.
What? What girlfriend?
The one who gave us a ride.
Her parents own a vacation home here, too.
And she's already his girlfriend?
That was quick.
Yeah, he fell for her pretty quickly.
I immediately saw the potential.
Oh, sure. Lots of potential.
You're so full of it sometimes.
-Hold on. Is she nice?
Yeah, she's totally cool.
Oh, yeah. Very cool. The coolest.
Don't pretend. I saw the way you looked at her.
I looked at her? -Yes.
-I looked at her? -Yes.
Okay. You're crazy.
What?
Oh, there she is. Be quiet.
How are you, Alona?
Hi, Ben-Gal. What's up?
Hi, Artzi.
-Hi, what's up?
Hello.
It's funny you showed up.
We were just talking about you.
Oh, really?
Don't you have anything better to talk about?
What do you care? I said you're cool.
Oh, okay.
What's going on?
You're here to see Anat?
Yes, we came to have some coffee.
How do you like the food?
It's great.
Yes, excellent.
-Really good.
This is my sister, Karin,
and this is Noga, Artzi's sister.
Hi.
This is my sister, Netta.
This is Ben-Gal,
whose sports car broke down.
And this is Artzi, our hitchhiker.
Hi.
Alright, we have to go.
Enjoy.
-Thanks. -Bye.
We have to go. So, bye.
Bye.
Have you ever seen a girl that pretty?
Oh?
Hold up.
Have you ever seen a girl that pretty?
Come on.
She looks alright.
No need to go overboard.
Alright? You call that alright?
Are you blind?
Alright, she is prettier than her sister.
Good enough for you?
Her sister is very pretty,
but she's even prettier.
"Very pretty".
What's wrong with you? Noga...
I think they were both very pretty.
Come on, Noga.
Did you two drink too much, or what?
Artzi, you be the judge.
-Me?
Why me?
Because you know the older sister
from back when she used
to pee in the bushes.
So you're a qualified judge.
You told her?
Why did you tell her?
Was it a secret?
I thought it was funny.
Artzi went to pee in the bushes, too.
Why are we only making fun of her?
Because he's a man. That's totally different.
So what?
You pee in the bushes sometimes, too.
Me?
Hardly.
Oh, Ben-Gal. You're such an idiot sometimes.
So you really think she's beautiful, huh?
Me?
Admit it. You're into her.
You love her. You want to marry her.
Yeah, right.
There you go, see?
I saw the potential right away.
Oh, sure. There's so much potential there.
Stop it.
Stop what?
Looking at me like that.
Am I looking at you?
-Yes.
You are. Stop it.
I'll stop looking at you like that
when you stop looking like that.
Looking like how?
Ow.
Ow.
I can't believe that Alona.
How could my stupid brother
think she's cool?
I don't get him.
Did you see the rags she wears?
And her hair.
Unkempt, bad haircut.
I don't understand
women who let themselves go like that.
I just don't.
Did you see anything cool about her?
She's pretty old, too.
She's kind of gross, no?
No.
She isn't? What's pretty about her?
She's got nice eyes.
Nice eyes?
I only say that about fat girls.
I say that about women
who have nice eyes.
That girl has nice eyes and she isn't fat.
She may not be fat, but...
she's not shapely.
You're really into her, aren't you?
Shall I book the wedding venue?
Women have a very active imagination.
You say one nice thing about a girl,
and they're all set to book the venue.
Well, her sister Netta
is nice.
In her own way.
An idiotic, provincial way
with her tits hanging out.
Come on, Zorki. Stop it.
Enough with the long face.
Why don't you give me a smile?
You know what, forget the smile.
A growl. Growl at me.
I told you a month ago that we'd be going.
I told you.
It's not like you found out this morning.
It's been a month.
You've had a month
to prepare yourself for this tragedy.
And what exactly are you missing out on, hmm?
What's that festival called?
Comibombo? Paroshanti? What?
I can't do this anymore.
Know what?
Talk to me when you're over this.
I'll be here, in the car.
By the wheel.
Driving.
And now for the weather report,
tomorrow will see another drop in temperatures,
mostly in the mountains...
Well, what can we do?
Can you fix it?
Yes, I think so.
Well?
Well what?
Fix it!
No, I don't think so.
Why not?
-Why not?
Because it's dirty work.
So what?
Come on, Artzi. Pull out...
some doodad,
screw some nuts and bolts and let's go.
So you'll have to get a little dirty, so what?
It's just a shirt.
You think there are no laundries up north?
Oh, just a shirt.
How many times have I told you?
Either you buy a car that's right for you,
or you learn to drive.
But you didn't bother to learn to drive
and still bought a car with a gear shift.
Are you purposefully trying
to show the world what an idiot you are?
No.
Because I'm not an idiot,
and I'm a great driver.
And this is a cool car.
Sure. It's very cool.
Yes, it is cool.
Look how cool it is.
Alright.
What... what are you doing?
I'm going to hitch a ride.
In a car that works.
What about the car?
What about it?
Put down a warning triangle.
What? My car will get stolen.
Who's going to steal it?
It doesn't work, idiot.
I don't know.
Some Arab from the mountains
will strap it to a donkey or something.
That's 250,000 shekels, gone.
Are you crazy?
Come on! Grab your suitcase.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Put down a triangle.
Moron.
Where do I put the triangle?
What's wrong?
Why are we stopping?
Oh, you're talking to me now?
Lucky me.
I stopped because I need to pee.
Why here?
You're going to go in the field?
There's a toilet just up ahead.
You think your Hushicoco festival
has toilets with water, paper and soap?
Everyone goes outdoors,
in holes they dug up.
Then they wipe with leaves.
So I'm going to pee in the field, alright?
Hushicoco.
Hey! Are you nuts?
What are you doing here?
Sorry.
-Get out of here.
I didn't know anyone was out here.
I'm sorry.
It's alright. I'm not even looking at you.
I've got my back turned.
It's alright.
Fuck.
Alright, fine. Nothing happened.
You didn't see anything,
I didn't see anything.
It's alright. A little embarrassing,
but alright.
-Yeah, pretty embarrassing.
Alright, I'm done and I'm going. Bye.
Don't step in the puddle.
Did your car break down too?
No.
It's just pondering.
-Oh.
I'm Ben-Gal.
Zohar.
My car broke down.
Don't know what happened. Unclear.
Something happened. I don't know.
Say,
are there car thieves around here?
How should I know?
What am I, the head scientist?
So what? You drive this car?
Me? No.
Then who?
My bio mom.
What?
Where is she?
She went to the toilet.
There's a toilet here?
What's going on, Zohar? Who is this?
This is Ben-Gal.
His car broke down.
This is my mom.
Hi.
Ben-Gal.
-Hi.
My car broke down.
Where? I don't see any cars around here.
It's just around the corner.
So what, you need cables?
No, the problem is...
What broke down was the carburetor, or...
What's it called? The alternator?
I don't actually know what's wrong with it.
It just started...
emitting this thick, white smoke.
Oh.
Okay.
I put down a triangle.
Oh yeah?
-Yeah. -Great.
Do you know any garages around here?
A good one, though.
Ben-Gal!
Ben-Gal!
Ben-Gal!
Look, man. I got us a ride.
Put your things inside.
Hello.
Mom?
What?
Do you think they're rich?
Those two idiots?
I don't know.
Could be.
Mom?
What?
Would you want to marry someone rich?
To swim in a pool made of money
and drink from gold glasses?
Why do you ask?
Because rich people need to marry, too.
What does a single man who has everything
need, besides a wife?
You're a woman.
Yes, I'm a woman.
I'm one hell of a woman.
Alright, you're a woman.
I don't want you to get remarried.
I think I'm through with marriage.
If you want any rich people in this family,
you'll have to marry them yourself.
You could remarry dad, if you wanted.
One marriage to your father
was enough, wasn't it?
It was just a question.
No need to piss off the air.
Zorki...
-What?
Would you like to change the subject?
Definitely.
Alright, what should we talk about?
Grandpa?
Grandma?
Netta?
Netta.
She is the hottest topic right now.
Go easy on her.
She's not in the best place right now.
You'll have to be
very nice to her when we get there.
Why? Is she traumatized?
Traumatized?
I don't know if I'd call it that,
but divorce isn't fun.
Right.
She's definitely traumatized.
Grandma said she's traumatized.
Grandma's traumatized too, I think.
Is she?
Do you even know what trauma is?
Sure. Trauma.
It's a very cool word.
Right. Very cool.
Well? What's going on?
People are traumatized here.
He said he'll send someone
to bring the car here.
But he closes for lunch
so if it isn't a quick fix
I'll have to leave the car here,
and he probably won't be able
to get to it over the weekend.
Well, I really hope it's a quick fix.
So what do you want to do?
You want to take your things?
We're actually heading someplace.
I don't remember what it's called...
Artzi?
Where are you?
Artzi.
-What?
Well?
I don't know. Someone
has to go with the tow truck to get the car.
Someone?
-Yes, someone.
Can it be anyone,
or does it need to be
the person who owns the car?
I see how it is, Artzi.
What do you see?
I'm the one who needs
to go with the tow truck, aren't I?
Nice. You really do see.
And what will I do with all my stuff?
Well...
I need to get to Amuka.
Could you drop me off
at a taxi stand?
We're going to Amuka.
My grandparents own some vacation homes there.
Maybe you're staying
at my grandparents' homes.
Maybe.
Can I ride with you?
If it's alright.
I wouldn't ask if there was any other way.
No, it's alright.
We're going there anyway.
Get in.
What about your friend?
He'll catch another ride later.
Wait, you're leaving me here?
What can I do?
You need to wait for the car.
But I'll die of boredom.
You'll manage.
Nushki! I'm so happy you're here.
Incredible.
Wow, Zorki.
Look how much you've grown.
You're so beautiful.
You have such a beautiful daughter.
You look good, too.
Do your parents know you're here?
You'll stay for coffee, right?
Maybe later.
We're just dropping someone off.
But you'll show me the room, right?
No, there's no time for that, Zorki.
We're just dropping off things,
dropping off...
him, and then we're going
to Grandpa and Grandma.
Who are you dropping off?
This guy?
You're dropping him off?
Yes, we're...
I'm sorry, I'm such an idiot.
I don't remember your name.
Artzi. Nimrod.
-Right. -Nimrod Artzi.
I booked two vacation rooms
under that name. -That's right.
Artzi. I remember. I'm Anat.
Hello.
-Hello, nice to meet you.
Would you like to bring in your things?
Yes.
-While he's bringing his things,
can you show me the room?
He's fine with it.
Not now Zorki.
It's just... The room isn't ready yet,
you're a little early and I haven't
made the bed or placed the candles.
You know what?
Zohar,
why don't you show Nimrod around?
Ten minutes, and the room will be all yours.
Anati, where am I supposed to take him?
Flower-picking?
That's against the law. You like flowers?
Take him to the house.
Get him some coffee.
Alright? We have a really good
coffee machine, don't worry.
Ten minutes, alright?
Alona, come with me for a moment.
Come on, Zohar.
So...
Frosting for some coffee?
Frosting?
Are you cool with coffee.
Oh.
Am I cool with it?
Yeah, I'm cool with it.
Frosty.
Frosty.
He's hot. Where'd you find him?
In the bushes.
Yeah, I went to pee,
got up while my pants were still down
and bam, he was there
on the other side of the bush.
How romantic!
Turns out his friend's car broke down
and they were heading this way anyway.
So I had no choice,
I had to give him a ride.
Okay, can we circle back
to the friend thing?
Was he a "special friend"
or an "army buddy" friend?
Why do you care?
They didn't seem particularly gay,
but you never know nowadays.
Then let's say they're straight,
alright? Because he's rich
as well as handsome.
How do you know he's rich?
Nushki, only rich people come here.
We're really expensive.
Alona, you have no idea
who stayed here since we opened.
Oh, so you're part of high society now.
Wonderful. Aren't you pleased?
Sure, by the money.
But no one single ever comes here, which sucks.
And if they do come here,
they bring their girlfriends
in order to propose.
So not only
do I get nothing out of it,
but I also have to arrange
all sorts of romantic settings.
What do you mean?
For their proposals.
They go out to dinner,
we go into the room
and set up scented candles
and rose petals, turn on the hot tub.
Bring in the cellist.
They come back from dinner,
the girl opens the door,
the cellist plays...
The girl gets excited,
the guy says, "I have a surprise for you,
"but you have to get into
the hot tub to get it."
Then the girl performs a striptease,
gets into the hot tub and finds... a ring.
Hold on, Anati.
How do you know all this?
Do you peak?
-No way.
I'm in the kitchen with the pots and pans,
how could I peak?
Netta peaked once
and told me about it.
You're saying
that if I ever go out with anyone,
I'll have to do a striptease too?
I'd rather die.
What are you talking about?
You can't have sex nowadays
without a striptease.
Seriously?
Like, with the lights on?
Sure.
And with fancy lace lingerie
in weird colors.
Get real, Nushki.
Nowadays romance
means acting like a prostitute.
What about meeting a guy
while you're peeing in a field?
That's the most romantic thing ever,
because no one's done it.
That's why I asked if he's gay,
because if he is we'll get nothing out of it.
Are we supposed to get something out of it?
Sure.
If a guy comes along
who's both rich and handsome,
there's an opportunity there.
But you said yourself that they're all
either married or getting there.
True, but even the married ones
might get divorced one day.
And when they get divorced,
where do you think
they'll come for some pampering?
Don't know.
Here, silly.
So even if nothing's
going to come of it now,
I think of it as an investment.
And that Artzi,
mark my words,
is into you.
Seriously?
What makes you think that?
He seemed pretty shocked by Zorki,
and I don't know. He seems...
clean.
-Right.
You're not wrong.
Still, I have a hunch.
I have a hunch, too.
That he's a misanthrope.
-Why do you say that?
Maybe he's just shy.
You can be a shy misanthrope.
The two aren't mutually exclusive.
Just pray her parents don't show up.
That's a family of teeth right there.
Her dad especially,
he's a full set of teeth.
Teeth?
They chatter.
Oh.
Teeth.
Cute.
-Yeah.
He's a boring waste of time.
That whole family is a bunch of teeth.
They went to Tuscany for six months
and think that makes them experts on Italy.
But that's only because Anat
was traumatized when her boyfriend left her
to marry one of her friends in the village.
She had to go away and recover.
Can you imagine?
Two parents
taking their daughter
who's 30 and a million
to Tuscany for six months?
And all because of who?
Don't know. Someone I know?
Yonatan Spielman.
You know. Redheaded,
ugly, short.
Doesn't it just squeeze your brain?
Squeeze my brain?
You're not great with words,
are you?
No, not really.
I actually don't know
how to use the coffee machine.
I think Anat just wanted to get rid of me.
Listen, if it was instant coffee,
I wouldn't have a problem.
My mother slaves me away at home,
I make her instant coffee all the time.
I don't really like instant coffee.
I don't love cappuccinos, either.
Do you like instant coffee?
No.
Then cappuccino?
No.
Espresso.
Make me a cup?
Of espresso?
Aren't you a little young?
For an espresso?
I may be a little young for marriage...
Although, maybe not in my family.
Why, does your family marry young?
My grandparents married in the army,
my mom just after the army.
And my aunt Netta
married her high school boyfriend,
but they divorced a week ago
and she's super traumatized.
Who's traumatized?
I mean, who's divorced?
Both my mom and Netta.
-Oh yeah?
But I think
it's better to get married and divorced
than to never marry at all.
So Anat is even more traumatized
because she was never married.
If you married her, you'd be doing a favor
to the world, and to yourself.
She's a killer cook.
I'm glad to hear it,
because we're dining here tonight.
Oh, it would be great if you guys got married.
She's on the lookout for a husband.
You could marry my aunt Netta, too.
You or your friend.
She's an okay cook.
And she's pretty.
Really pretty.
I'm not sure we'll have time
to get married while we're here.
Oh, that won't be a problem for Anat.
She'll marry anyone.
Just give her a day.
Are you married?
You're not married.
No, not married.
How come?
You're not super ugly.
We could breed you with someone
and make okay kids.
I'm not really into
marriage right now, honestly.
Why, are you gay?
Excuse me,
I need to go check on my friend.
Bye, hon.
What's going on?
When will you get here?
I'm done for, I think I'll be stuck here
all through the weekend
before I get this car fixed.
Did you talk to the girls?
Yeah, they're coming to pick me up.
If they can find me.
Can Noga navigate?
Like a five-year-old in the dark.
Damn. Karin's the same way.
How about you?
You latched onto the hot girl
and ditched me?
Who's hot?
You think I latched onto anyone here?
Yes.
No, I haven't latched onto anyone.
If anything, I'm stuck with her.
Really, man?
If you weren't so clearly into her,
I wouldn't have stepped aside for you.
But I figured,
why ruin it, if there's a chance?
Are you high or something?
That girl went to pee
in the bushes like a farmer,
her car is a trash can on wheels,
her daughter won't shut up,
and if that's not bad enough,
the moment I set foot in here
her daughter started to go and on
about how I need to marry her aunt
or one of the other old maids around here.
And you have the nerve
to tell me I'm into someone.
Seriously?
So the room sucks?
The room seems fine,
but I think there's a storeroom
full of single women
who are waiting for us with pitchforks.
Really? Great.
So great.
I'm going to hide out in the room until
I can make sure the slob from the mountains
isn't coming after me with a ring.
Come on, get here already. I'm dying here.
Alright. I'll see you later.
What?
What's wrong?
Why are you laughing?
I just heard the guy I drove,
the hot one... -Well?
Talking to his friend on the phone.
And...
He called me a "slob from the mountains"
and was shocked that I peed in the bushes.
Seriously?
I almost chimed in to tell him
I didn't wipe, either,
but I took pity on him.
-Yeah.
He's that shocked by some pee in the bushes?
What's wrong with him? -Right.
So if you don't want him,
mind if I hit on him?
Give him a striptease
in the hot tub for all I care.
You and the cellist.
I made some espresso.
Thank you.
-Alright, the room is ready.
Here's your key.
I hope you like it.
When will your friends arrive?
Oh, they're not exactly my friends.
Oh, okay.
Then who's coming?
Family.
Oh, lovely.
What do you mean by "family"?
Family.
I'm just asking
because I need to know
how to arrange the room.
It depends on the guests.
If it's a couple, I put things for couples.
Like what, sea movies?
-What are sea movies?
What color is the sea?
Nushki, what are you teaching your daughter?
She learned that one on her own.
No, I mean things for couples.
You know,
essential oils, flowers.
To set a romantic mood.
Do you want something romantic?
If you're going to propose,
we have a special marriage package.
I just need advance notice,
so I have time to prepare. Alright?
The special marriage package
includes special items?
Yeah, what's a special marriage package,
Anati?
Trust me, Zorki.
It's not for you.
Or for me.
No, it's lovely.
And the...
essential oils.
What are they for?
Massages, of course.
And who's giving the massage?
Oh, we have great masseuses here.
Or masseurs, if you prefer.
Do you prefer masseurs?
-Anat, you're such a barbarian.
Just tell her you hate massages.
I really do hate massages.
Really? Me too.
I can't stand being touched by a stranger.
Well, alright. No masseurs.
But you can massage your girlfriend,
or your girlfriend can massage you.
There are lots of options.
So how many family members are we expecting?
Are your wives joining us?
No.
Oh, so no women in your group.
Oh, there are two.
Anati,
you're toast.
-Alright, Zorki. We're done here.
Anati needs to start cooking
and finish her interrogation.
We'll talk later.
Artzi,
have fun with your friends.
And you don't have to answer
every question you get asked.
Oh, say hi to Ben-Gal.
But I thought we were going to see the room.
-Later. Bye.
Did you come up
with "sea movies" on your own? -Yeah.
I have such a genius kid. Love you.
Who's Ben-Gal?
I've been waiting for you for ages.
What's wrong?
Where's your car, with all your stuff?
Why didn't you say you'll be late?
-But we aren't.
Why are you saying we're late?
-You said you'd be here earlier.
It's unbelievable.
Your dad has lost it. Zorki,
your grandpa is insane.
Honestly, this time I told him to call,
but he said no.
He said that if there was an accident,
they'd let us know.
How would they let us know?
How would they know? Come on.
Why didn't you cut your hair?
You said she was going to get a haircut.
What didn't you get a haircut, Zorki?
Mom, you talk to her about it.
She doesn't want a haircut.
You want me to get a bob cut
or something, Grandma? -Maybe.
Oh, that's gross.
Mom, why don't you take Zohar to see Grandpa
and Netta and I will go bring the car?
What, now?
-Yes.
Why didn't you bring it earlier? Where is it?
I wanted to walk a little.
It was a two-hour drive.
I don't understand.
Where's the car now?
At the Reuvenis'.
Did you see the vacation homes
they built there?
Anat promised to give me a tour.
Oh my God, Zohar.
I don't believe this.
Let me get this straight,
you went to see Anat first?
Why?
Why?
Here I was, losing my mind,
Dad and Netta were waiting for you
and you went to see Anat. Why?
What do you mean by that?
You come to your family first.
Come on, Mom. It wasn't like that.
What was it like?
Give her a break, Mom.
When you have kids, you give them a break.
Yes, Nushi? -We gave a ride
to some guy whose car broke down.
Oh?
What guy?
Just a guy.
Kind of bland.
-Bland how? In what way?
Listen, Mom.
Nushi and I are going to get the car,
we'll be right back.
Okay?
-Fine, okay. But tell me, Nushi,
who's the guy? What's he like?
Is he cute?
Nushi!
Zorki.
You're Grandma's favorite granddaughter.
Now focus and answer me.
Does Mom have a boyfriend?
Omer, do me a favor
and be careful with my things.
Do you have any idea how expensive
this suitcase is?
I'm dying for a coffee.
Noga, think we could get
a normal cup of coffee here?
Is this even the right place?
I'm desperate for a shower. I look awful.
Hi, Nimrod.
This place is amazing.
Love the north.
Nushi, I'm so glad you came, you know?
It's been terrible these past few days.
Everyone's all over me.
You can't even imagine.
Why didn't you let me
come with you to divorce court?
Why did you go alone?
You shouldn't go alone. It's awful.
Next time, you can come with me.
Next time you'll find a better husband
and you won't ever get divorced.
Took me long enough to find the first one.
Netta.
-What?
You're so pretty.
And nice, and...
I don't know.
You'll find yourself a great husband.
You won't find him.
He'll find you, alright?
One lousy husband doesn't mean anything.
We all have one lousy husband.
Even me.
Yeah. I feel so pathetic.
Pathetic? Why?
Why?
Because when the Rabbi asked us
if we wanted to get a divorce,
I prayed, I actually prayed
that Shai would stand up and said,
"Actually, no.
"I've thought about it
and I don't want a divorce. I love my wife."
Isn't that pathetic?
And I kept asking myself,
why don't they send us back home
to try and reconcile?
Everyone says
the rabbinical judges are annoying
because they always send couples
to try and reconcile,
and what business is it of theirs?
But I really liked that idea.
At least they care
whether people get divorced.
But I stood there
before those three judges,
and not one of them suggested we reconcile.
Isn't that sad?
Even the Orthodox are tired of us.
How come no one's in my corner?
His parents? His friends?
When we got married,
everyone had an opinion.
They were all so supportive.
All of the sudden, they don't have an opinion?
If they supported us getting married,
it's only logical they'd oppose our divorce,
isn't it?
And Mom's driving me crazy.
She keeps cursing him,
calling him a shit
and an idiot and a bastard,
and I guess that's true, I don't know.
But what does that say about me,
that I was married for five years
to an idiot and a shit and a bastard?
It doesn't say anything about you.
Oh, no?
-No.
You realize that six months ago,
I still thought
that guy loved me?
I thought he was crazy about me.
So who's the idiot?
Well, you told me not to marry him.
I didn't.
You did. You told me
I ought to think it through.
Do you think I was an idiot?
If you were an idiot, then I'm an idiot too.
Need I remind you who I married?
What's that got to do with anything?
You got pregnant.
Which is a huge sign of intelligence.
Are you parked next to Anat?
Will they see me?
So what if they do?
But let's not stay there long,
because if you get stuck there again
I'll get another two-hour speech from mom
and I really can't handle her.
-Alright.
Are there any boys there?
Grandpa, press enter.
Not delete. Enter.
No, no.
Oh.
Found it!
Nushi, come here a second.
Look. Is that him?
Yes, it's him.
Not the best photo of him.
He's a millionaire.
Netta, Nushi, the first one
to show him some cleavage can marry him.
Anat's already on it.
Hold on. Let me see, then we'll decide.
I can't see anything.
Netta, read it out. I don't have my glasses.
"The speaker at the conference
was Nimrod Artzi, CEO of D.R.C."
What's D.R.C.?
That's the company
that owns my company.
Oh.
-They own Nano Star.
Oh, so he's basically your boss.
He's basically my owner. Funny.
I knew about Moshe Artzi
and that his son inherited D.R.C.
and the rest of his business,
but I didn't make the connection.
He's so young.
He looks very nice.
Nice?
He's hot.
There's no way he'll be into you.
Thanks, Dad. Thanks.
I think he's just bland.
Alright, shall I continue?
-Yes.
"The company reported
a 125% increase in their quarterly earnings."
125% of what?
"Nimrod Artzi became CEO
following the death of his father,
"company founder Moshe Artzi."
He's an orphan.
Orphan.
Even being an orphan means something to her.
She thinks everything is an angle.
-Well...
he seems nice and he's very rich
but he's not right for Alona.
Really? How come?
He's too young. He's 28 years old.
He'll be good for Netta.
Alright. Let's leave it up to chance.
Put some notes in a hat.
Whoever wins, I'll go over there
and tell him she's the one he has to marry.
That's it. No need to fight.
You don't know anything.
Listen to me.
He's right for Netta.
He's the right age,
he's rich...
Wait, how much money has he got?
It says here his net worth is estimated
at 30 million dollars. -Wow.
Alright. Netta, Nushi,
what are you doing here? Let's go.
Go marry him already.
Tell your mother to calm down.
I'll calm down
when millionaire bachelors
start showing up here
instead of at the Reuvenis'.
Yes? What will you do
with millionaire bachelors?
You get the millionaires here
and I'll figure out what do with them.
It's funny the food here
was so universally praised.
It's a joke, isn't it, Artzi?
Yes, and I'd laugh if I wasn't so hungry.
And this is what they call Tuscan food.
God.
I remember the food in Tuscany.
Remember how well we ate there?
-Yes. Not like here.
Not at all.
Excuse me, but you sound
like two old biddies.
What's wrong with you?
The food's delicious.
It's great, isn't it?
It's a beautiful place. That Anat seems nice.
-Are you serious?
She tried to dress up, too. Poor thing.
So provincial.
Well, it's nothing like the people in Tuscany,
citizens of the world
who think Israel is in America.
I guess if they're speaking Italian,
they aren't provincial.
Give me a break.
You're such whiners.
Always have to spoil the mood.
Isn't that right, Nogi?
I'm enjoying myself.
-You always enjoy yourself, Nogi.
Not always.
Well, most of the time.
Noga, don't mind my sister.
She's being annoying.
It's a shame your girlfriend didn't show up.
What? What girlfriend?
The one who gave us a ride.
Her parents own a vacation home here, too.
And she's already his girlfriend?
That was quick.
Yeah, he fell for her pretty quickly.
I immediately saw the potential.
Oh, sure. Lots of potential.
You're so full of it sometimes.
-Hold on. Is she nice?
Yeah, she's totally cool.
Oh, yeah. Very cool. The coolest.
Don't pretend. I saw the way you looked at her.
I looked at her? -Yes.
-I looked at her? -Yes.
Okay. You're crazy.
What?
Oh, there she is. Be quiet.
How are you, Alona?
Hi, Ben-Gal. What's up?
Hi, Artzi.
-Hi, what's up?
Hello.
It's funny you showed up.
We were just talking about you.
Oh, really?
Don't you have anything better to talk about?
What do you care? I said you're cool.
Oh, okay.
What's going on?
You're here to see Anat?
Yes, we came to have some coffee.
How do you like the food?
It's great.
Yes, excellent.
-Really good.
This is my sister, Karin,
and this is Noga, Artzi's sister.
Hi.
This is my sister, Netta.
This is Ben-Gal,
whose sports car broke down.
And this is Artzi, our hitchhiker.
Hi.
Alright, we have to go.
Enjoy.
-Thanks. -Bye.
We have to go. So, bye.
Bye.
Have you ever seen a girl that pretty?
Oh?
Hold up.
Have you ever seen a girl that pretty?
Come on.
She looks alright.
No need to go overboard.
Alright? You call that alright?
Are you blind?
Alright, she is prettier than her sister.
Good enough for you?
Her sister is very pretty,
but she's even prettier.
"Very pretty".
What's wrong with you? Noga...
I think they were both very pretty.
Come on, Noga.
Did you two drink too much, or what?
Artzi, you be the judge.
-Me?
Why me?
Because you know the older sister
from back when she used
to pee in the bushes.
So you're a qualified judge.
You told her?
Why did you tell her?
Was it a secret?
I thought it was funny.
Artzi went to pee in the bushes, too.
Why are we only making fun of her?
Because he's a man. That's totally different.
So what?
You pee in the bushes sometimes, too.
Me?
Hardly.
Oh, Ben-Gal. You're such an idiot sometimes.
So you really think she's beautiful, huh?
Me?
Admit it. You're into her.
You love her. You want to marry her.
Yeah, right.
There you go, see?
I saw the potential right away.
Oh, sure. There's so much potential there.
Stop it.
Stop what?
Looking at me like that.
Am I looking at you?
-Yes.
You are. Stop it.
I'll stop looking at you like that
when you stop looking like that.
Looking like how?
Ow.
Ow.
I can't believe that Alona.
How could my stupid brother
think she's cool?
I don't get him.
Did you see the rags she wears?
And her hair.
Unkempt, bad haircut.
I don't understand
women who let themselves go like that.
I just don't.
Did you see anything cool about her?
She's pretty old, too.
She's kind of gross, no?
No.
She isn't? What's pretty about her?
She's got nice eyes.
Nice eyes?
I only say that about fat girls.
I say that about women
who have nice eyes.
That girl has nice eyes and she isn't fat.
She may not be fat, but...
she's not shapely.
You're really into her, aren't you?
Shall I book the wedding venue?
Women have a very active imagination.
You say one nice thing about a girl,
and they're all set to book the venue.
Well, her sister Netta
is nice.
In her own way.
An idiotic, provincial way
with her tits hanging out.