Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 25 - I Triple Dog Dare You - full transcript
In the semi-final round, the final three campers are forced to play a game of I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU, a twisted version of spin the bottle meets truth or dare.
CHRIS: LAST TIME
ON "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND",
YOURS TRULY WAS OFF M.C.ing
A SWANKY AWARDS SHOW.
SO CHEF TOOK OVER AS HOST,
AND, MAN,
WAS HE BRUTAL
TO THE CAMPERS.
NOT ONLY DID HE DUMP THEM
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS
TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES,
BUT HE LEFT THEM ALONE
WITH SCARY DUDE
SASQUATCHANAKWA.
THEY RAN HELTER.
THEY RAN SKELTER.
THEY RAN INTO
A CROWDED BAT CAVE.
MASSIVE MISTAKE,
I MIGHT ADD.
ULTIMATELY,
THE GIRLS ADMITTED DEFEAT.
SO THE GUYS SHARED
THEIR LOOT,
BUT THE GIRLS OUTFOXED THEM
AND WALKED OFF
WITH EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING THEIR DIGNITY,
PROVING ONCE AGAIN
THAT HOT CHICKS TRUMP
GULLIBLE GUYS EVERY TIME.
IN THE END,
IT WAS BAD BOY DUNCAN
WHO TOOK THE WALK OF SHAME,
LEAVING THREE
GLUTTON-FOR-PUNISHMENT CAMPERS
HEADING INTO OUR MOST
EXCITING CHALLENGE YET.
DON'T BELIEVE ME?
THEN I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU
TO WATCH THIS EPISODE
OF
"TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,
I'M DOING FINE ♪
♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
♪ YOU ASKED ME
WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER
IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE
TO THE SUN ♪
♪ WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE,
NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH
NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING)
(FEEDBACK)
CHRIS: CAMPERS!
WELCOME TO THE SEMIFINALS.
TODAY,
WE REWARD OUR CHALLENGERS
WITH AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT
PANCAKE BREAKFAST.
THAT'S RIGHT,
GENUINE FOOD BYPRODUCTS
SERVED WITH FRESH INGREDIENTS
RELATIVELY CLOSE
TO THEIR EXPIRATION DATES.
SO I ACTUALLY MADE IT
TO THE FINAL THREE.
JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU HOW FAR
A BAD ATTITUDE CAN GET YOU.
WHATEVER.
I KNEW I'D MAKE IT TO THE END.
BIG SHOCKER.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
WEIRD GOTH GIRL MADE IT.
I WANTED TO BELIEVE IT.
I DREAMT IT COULD BE TRUE.
AND NOW THE DAY
IS FINALLY HERE.
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKES!
YES!
♪ WE'RE GETTING PANCAKES!
WE'RE GETTING PANCAKES! ♪
DON'T BE SHY, DUDE.
FOUR WORDS:
"ALL YOU CAN EAT."
YOU GOT THE PANCAKES,
I GOT THE STOMACH.
(LAUGHS) TEE 'EM UP!
OH, YEAH!
NOW YOU'RE TALKING, BABY!
(LAUGHS)
YEAH, THE MONEY
WOULD BE AWESOME,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD BE SWEETER?
MAKING SURE HEATHER LOSES.
LUCKILY, I'M UP AGAINST
THE FREAK SHOW
AND FATTY GINORMOUS,
SO THEY MAY AS WELL
JUST GIVE ME THE CHECK.
I MEAN, COME ON.
I THINK WE ALL KNOW
WHO'S GONNA WIN.
PANCAKES, PANCAKES,
PANCAKES!
IF I WIN, I'M GONNA BUY
CAMP WAWANAKWA
SO I CAN BURN IT DOWN
AND TURN IT INTO A GRAVEYARD.
PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES!
(LAUGHS)
WHEN I WIN, I'M THINKING
OF MY OWN SPIN-OFF SERIES--
"THE WORLD ACCORDING
TO HEATHER."
I'D NEVER WIN.
BUT IF I DID, I'D START
EVERY DAY WITH PANCAKES.
'CAUSE THEY'RE LIKE
LITTLE MINI SUNSHINES
FILLED WITH YUMMY FUN.
PERSONALLY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH
DRAMA HERE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
I MEAN, OWEN'S OKAY,
BUT EIGHT WEEKS OF HEATHER
WAS ABOUT AS MUCH FUN AS
A MOUTHFUL OF IMPACTED MOLARS.
SURE, EIGHT WEEKS WITH THESE
LOSERS IS CAUSE FOR INSANITY,
BUT AT LEAST THE MOTHER SHIP
KNOWS WHERE GWEN IS NOW
SO THEY CAN RETRIEVE HER.
AND GREENPEACE CAN BAG
AND TAG OWEN
AS THE HAZARDOUS WASTE
THAT HE IS.
BUT ALL
THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKES
IN THE WORLD WOULDN'T BE SPECIAL
WITHOUT FRIENDS TO SHARE THEM.
(SIGHS)
SURE, OWEN'S DUMB LUCK
HAS WON HIM A FEW CHALLENGES,
BUT IT'S HIS ABILITY
NOT TO BE DISGUSTED
BY ANYTHING EDIBLE
THAT WORRIES ME.
YOU EVER NOTICE HOW MUCH
A TOILET SEAT
LOOKS LIKE A PANCAKE?
(LAUGHS)
AND LAZY.
UGH, SLOTHS COULD TAKE
A CUE FROM "SLOW-EN."
(LAUGHS) I SHOULD PROBABLY
SPIT THIS OUT.
(SNORES)
THANKFULLY,
GWEN HAS NO STRENGTHS.
SHE'S JUST
A LOW-RENT GUTTER PUNK
WITH DRAGON BREATH
AND UGLY HAIR.
HEATHER'S STRENGTH IS OBVIOUSLY
HER BOTTOMLESS PIT OF MEAN.
I'M BANKING ON HER MASSIVE EGO
TO BE HER DOWNFALL.
(SNORES)
CAMPERS,
WELCOME TO THE SEMIFINALS.
THE PRODUCERS RAN OUT
OF INSANE WAYS OF TORTURING YOU,
SO...
THEY ASKED THE OUSTED CAMPERS
FOR IDEAS.
TURNS OUT THEY HAD A LOT.
THEY PROVIDED US WITH
THE SICKEST, MOST TWISTED,
AND INSANE DARES IMAGINABLE
IN "TDI'S" VERSION OF...
SPIN THE BOTTLE!
STARTING WITH IZZY, TRENT,
CODY, JUSTIN,
NOAH, LESHAWNA, LINDSAY,
BETH, TYLER,
HAROLD, D.J. GEOFF,
BRIDGETTE,
DUNCAN, COURTNEY, EVA,
KATIE AND SADIE,
AND THE HOMESCHOOLED,
MISOGYNISTIC COUNTRY BOY,
EZEKIEL.
PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER,
AND WE'VE GOT A HIGH-STAKES GAME
OF "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU"!
WHAT IS THIS, GRADE 5?
WHY DON'T WE JUST DO SEVEN
MINUTES OF HEAVEN
IN A SKANKY BASEMENT CLOSET?
YEAH! GOOD CALL!
LET'S DO IT!
OW!
EACH PLAYER WILL TAKE TURNS
SPINNING THE BOTTLE.
THE CAMPER THAT YOU LAND ON
DETERMINES
THE DARE YOU'LL PERFORM.
YOU CAN TAKE THE DARE YOURSELF
AND WIN A GET-OUT-OF-DARE
FREEBIE
OR INFLICT THE DARE
ON A FELLOW CAMPER
IN HOPES
OF BOOTING THEM OUT.
AND IF WE REFUSE
TO DO THE DARE?
OH, NOT A GOOD OPTION.
ANYONE WHO CHICKENS OUT
OF THEIR DARE
WILL BE SENT DIRECTLY
TO THE DOCK OF SHAME,
BOARD THE BOAT OF LOSERS,
DO NOT GO TO BONFIRE,
DO NOT COLLECT MARSHMALLOW,
AND DO NOT GET
TO WIN $100,000.
WOW,
A SUDDEN-DEATH ELIMINATION.
GOOD ONE.
OKAY, WHO'S READY
TO HUMILIATE THEMSELVES FIRST?
OH, WHAT THE HECK.
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
OKAY, SO HERE'S THE DEAL.
CHEF AND I HAVE
A LITTLE SIDE BET GOING.
WHOEVER PUKES FIRST
HAS TO PONY UP 100 BUCKS.
OKAY,
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
DUNCAN'S DARE.
LICK OWEN'S ARMPIT.
GWEN, YOU CAN PERFORM
THE DARE YOURSELF
OR DARE ONE
OF YOUR COMPETITORS TO DO IT.
(CHUCKLES) EITHER WAY,
SOMEONE'S LICKING SOME ARMPIT
IN THE NEXT MINUTE.
I TRIPLE DOG DARE HEATHER.
YOU COULD IMAGINE THAT YOU'RE
LICKING AN ICE-CREAM CONE.
SHUT UP, OWEN!
MINUS THE B.O.
I'M WARNING YOU!
OH, AND THE PIT HAIR.
(GAGS)
OH HO HO, MAN!
THAT WAS SO SICK.
I NEARLY PUKED.
NEARLY.
(GAGS)
EZEKIEL'S DARE IS...
CHEW YOUR OWN TOENAIL
SLOWLY.
GWEN!
I DARE GWEN.
DON'T CHOKE ON IT,
HONEY.
AH AH AH AH.
HE SAID CHEW IT SLOWLY.
(GULPS)
THERE.
SATISFIED?
VERY.
I'M JUST PICTURING TRENT
WATCHING THIS,
AND SOMETHING TELLS ME
HE WON'T BE EAGER
TO LOCK LIPS
WITH YOU ANYTIME SOON.
YOU SHOULD TALK,
PIT BREATH.
BETH.
RECHEWING
A WAD OF HAROLD'S GUM.
I WILL TAKE THE DARE!
BOTH: EW!
DUDE, IT'S CHEWED GUM.
HAROLD'S CHEWED GUM.
I KNOW, BUT IT MUST BE PRETTY
SPECIAL IF HE'S BEEN SAVING IT.
MMM.
FULL BODY.
A DELICATE, FRUITY AROMA
WITH A HINT OF CITRUS.
(LAUGHS)
ROBUST, YET BALANCED.
OH, SUMMERY.
OOOH!
AND A CRUNCHY CENTER.
(GAGS)
WHOO-HOO!
OWEN WINS THE FIRST FREEBIE.
AND A TETANUS SHOT
IF YOU WANT.
NAH, I'M GOOD.
THANKS.
THIS COULD BE HARDER
THAN I THOUGHT.
WELCOME BACK TO "TDI'S"
SEMIFINALS
AND A CHALLENGE WE LIKE TO CALL
"I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU."
GWEN, YOU'RE UP NEXT.
DROP A TRAY OF ICE INTO
YOUR UNDIES AND LET THEM MELT.
THAT'S IT?
I CAN HANDLE THAT.
NOW THAT'S ONE COOL CHICK
WITH A FROSTY 'TUDE
CHILLIN' BY THE--
JUST GIVE ME
THE F-F-FREAKIN' F-FREEBIE.
MY TURN!
AND I'M TAKING THE DARE.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS.
THERE IS NO WAY I WAS LETTING
THOSE NERDLINGS GET AHEAD OF ME.
I MEAN,
HOW BAD COULD THE DARE BE?
I'D ALREADY LICKED
OWEN'S ARMPIT.
SORRY.
SHUT UP, OWEN!
-TWICE IN A ROW'S GOTTA SUCK.
-I MEAN IT!
WELL, ESPECIALLY SINCE
I NEVER WASH IN THERE.
-UGH!
-NOT 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO.
I JUST FORGET.
(SLURPING)
HEY!
YOU DIDN'T PUKE THIS TIME!
(GAGS)
YOU STILL COOL?
OKAY, WE'LL GIVE HEATHER A FEW
MORE MINUTES ON LIFE SUPPORT
BEFORE WE START
THE NEXT ROUND.
OKAY, CHEF MADE SNACKS.
PB&J ANYONE?
(VOMITS)
NICE!
COME ON, IZZY!
BRING IT!
GIVE A PURPLE NURPLE
TO A SLEEPING BEAR.
(LAUGHS) YES!
OH, SOUNDS WICKED, MAN!
(LAUGHS)
WHAT'S A PURPLE NURPLE?
(SNORING AND GROWLING)
OH, HEY, THERE, MR. BEAR.
I'M JUST GONNA GIVE YOU
A LITTLE PINCH
AND BE RIGHT ON MY--
(FABRIC TEARING)
AHHH!
(ROARS)
(GROANS)
LICK OWEN'S TOE JAM.
OH, IS THAT WHAT
THAT BLACK GUNK IS?
I'LL USE MY FREEBIE.
GOOD CALL.
DRINK POWDERED FRUIT PUNCH
FROM THE COMMUNAL TOILET.
QUITE THE PREDICAMENT,
GWEN.
DO YOU USE THE FREEBIE
OR DO I SAVE IT FOR AN EVEN
SICKER DARE DOWN THE ROAD?
WHAT TO DO.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I'M GOING IN.
SO FREAKIN' SICK.
CHEF'S GOING DOWN.
NO WAY.
THAT'S SO GROSS.
OH HO HO!
(LAUGHS)
(SLURPING)
(GAGS)
(VOMITS)
(BOTH GULP)
AT THIS RATE,
TRENT'S GONNA NEED A FUMIGATION
SQUAD JUST--
(BURPS)
EAT DOG FOOD.
YEAH, BABY!
MAN, SORRY, GUYS.
I KEEP GETTING
ALL THE GOOD ONES.
OKAY, DOWN, BOY!
HEEL!
DUDE, YOU HAVE TWO FREEBIES
YOU CAN USE.
BETTER YET,
YOU COULD DARE AN OPPONENT--
LIKE, SAY,
ONE WITHOUT A FREEBIE?
YOU STILL HAVE A BIT OF JELLY
ON YOUR LOWER LIP.
OH, GO STICK YOUR FACE BACK
IN THE TOILET.
IT'S COOL, BRO.
MY DOG DIGS THIS FOOD.
TIME TO FIND OUT
WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING.
MEATY-TASTING.
OKAY,
THAT WAS SO GROSS!
(VOMITING, COUGHING)
IS THERE NOTHING
THESE FREAKS WON'T DO?!
(VOMITS)
I CAN'T BELIEVE
NO ONE'S DROPPED OUT
AND OWEN'S GOT 20 FREEBIES.
YEAH, BABY!
("TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR"
PLAYS)
GWEN AND HEATHER HAVE SQUAT,
BUT NOT TO WORRY.
THERE'S STILL PLENTY
TO BE MOTIVATED ABOUT.
("SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT" PLAYS)
IF YOU HELP ME
TAKE DOWN HEATHER,
I'LL SHARE MY WINNINGS
WITH YOU.
WHAT IF YOU DON'T WIN?
I'LL SWING FOR
A BOX OF DOUGHNUTS.
THE LADY DRIVES
A HARD BARGAIN.
DEAL!
CHRIS, I'D LIKE TO GIVE
AWAY HALF MY FREEBIES.
UH, WELL, OKAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
HELLO?!
IX-NAY ON THE ONSPIRACY-CAY!
THAT IS TOTALLY UNFAIR.
GET OUT YOUR RULE BOOK
AND DO YOUR RULE-CHECKING THING.
THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY GONNA
GANG UP AND WHOOP ME WITH DARES.
THERE HAS TO BE A RULE
ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING!
SORRY, THEM'S THE RULES.
NOT A RULE TO BE HAD.
-NADA.
-(GRUNTS)
DRINK A BLENDED PUREE
OF CHEF'S MYSTERY MEAT.
EENY, MEENY, MINEY...
HEATHER.
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
(SIGHS)
FINALLY, I CATCH A BREAK.
THERE IS NO WAY LINDSAY
COULD THINK OF ANYTHING BAD.
OOH, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA LIKE THIS ONE.
HAVE YOUR HEAD SHAVED BY CHEF.
WHAT?!
LINDSAY RULES!
WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE,
HEATHER?
ARE YOU GOING TO DO THE DARE?
(CLIPPERS BUZZING)
OR THE WALK OF SHAME?
(HORN TOOTS)
(BUZZING)
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
(BUZZING)
(BUZZING)
NOOOO!
(BUZZING STOPS)
HUH? WHA--
AGH!
WOW. WELL, THAT WAS
AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT.
LOOKS LIKE HEATHER'S OUT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE SHAVED MY HEAD!
TRUE, BUT YOU DIDN'T
ACTUALLY ACCEPT THE DARE.
IF YOU HAD,
YOU'D STILL BE BALD,
BUT AT LEAST
YOU'D BE IN THE GAME.
THAT WAS HARSH.
TOUGH BREAK.
(ECHOING) AGGHHH!
SORRY, THEM'S THE RULES.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THERE WEREN'T ANY RULES!
YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S COMPLICATED.
BUT HERE'S THE RUB--
YOU LOSE, THEY WIN.
BOTH: NO WAY!
WE WON!
YES!
FINE! BUT YOU'LL BE HEARING
FROM MY LAWYERS!
YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S GONNA BE A LONG RIDE.
A LONG RIDE TO COURT
WHEN I SUE YOU
FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!
AND THEN THERE WERE TWO.
TUNE IN TO SEE WHO WILL WIN
THE CHECK FOR $100,000
ON "TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
YOU WANT DRAMA?!
YOU'LL BE PENNILESS!
JOBLESS!
YOUR NAME WILL BE MUD
ON EVERY BLOG
FROM HERE TO CAPE BRETON!
ON "TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND",
YOURS TRULY WAS OFF M.C.ing
A SWANKY AWARDS SHOW.
SO CHEF TOOK OVER AS HOST,
AND, MAN,
WAS HE BRUTAL
TO THE CAMPERS.
NOT ONLY DID HE DUMP THEM
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS
TO FEND FOR THEMSELVES,
BUT HE LEFT THEM ALONE
WITH SCARY DUDE
SASQUATCHANAKWA.
THEY RAN HELTER.
THEY RAN SKELTER.
THEY RAN INTO
A CROWDED BAT CAVE.
MASSIVE MISTAKE,
I MIGHT ADD.
ULTIMATELY,
THE GIRLS ADMITTED DEFEAT.
SO THE GUYS SHARED
THEIR LOOT,
BUT THE GIRLS OUTFOXED THEM
AND WALKED OFF
WITH EVERYTHING,
INCLUDING THEIR DIGNITY,
PROVING ONCE AGAIN
THAT HOT CHICKS TRUMP
GULLIBLE GUYS EVERY TIME.
IN THE END,
IT WAS BAD BOY DUNCAN
WHO TOOK THE WALK OF SHAME,
LEAVING THREE
GLUTTON-FOR-PUNISHMENT CAMPERS
HEADING INTO OUR MOST
EXCITING CHALLENGE YET.
DON'T BELIEVE ME?
THEN I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU
TO WATCH THIS EPISODE
OF
"TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,
I'M DOING FINE ♪
♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
♪ YOU ASKED ME
WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER
IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE
TO THE SUN ♪
♪ WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE,
NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH
NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING)
(FEEDBACK)
CHRIS: CAMPERS!
WELCOME TO THE SEMIFINALS.
TODAY,
WE REWARD OUR CHALLENGERS
WITH AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT
PANCAKE BREAKFAST.
THAT'S RIGHT,
GENUINE FOOD BYPRODUCTS
SERVED WITH FRESH INGREDIENTS
RELATIVELY CLOSE
TO THEIR EXPIRATION DATES.
SO I ACTUALLY MADE IT
TO THE FINAL THREE.
JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU HOW FAR
A BAD ATTITUDE CAN GET YOU.
WHATEVER.
I KNEW I'D MAKE IT TO THE END.
BIG SHOCKER.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE
WEIRD GOTH GIRL MADE IT.
I WANTED TO BELIEVE IT.
I DREAMT IT COULD BE TRUE.
AND NOW THE DAY
IS FINALLY HERE.
ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKES!
YES!
♪ WE'RE GETTING PANCAKES!
WE'RE GETTING PANCAKES! ♪
DON'T BE SHY, DUDE.
FOUR WORDS:
"ALL YOU CAN EAT."
YOU GOT THE PANCAKES,
I GOT THE STOMACH.
(LAUGHS) TEE 'EM UP!
OH, YEAH!
NOW YOU'RE TALKING, BABY!
(LAUGHS)
YEAH, THE MONEY
WOULD BE AWESOME,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD BE SWEETER?
MAKING SURE HEATHER LOSES.
LUCKILY, I'M UP AGAINST
THE FREAK SHOW
AND FATTY GINORMOUS,
SO THEY MAY AS WELL
JUST GIVE ME THE CHECK.
I MEAN, COME ON.
I THINK WE ALL KNOW
WHO'S GONNA WIN.
PANCAKES, PANCAKES,
PANCAKES!
IF I WIN, I'M GONNA BUY
CAMP WAWANAKWA
SO I CAN BURN IT DOWN
AND TURN IT INTO A GRAVEYARD.
PANCAKES, PANCAKES, PANCAKES!
(LAUGHS)
WHEN I WIN, I'M THINKING
OF MY OWN SPIN-OFF SERIES--
"THE WORLD ACCORDING
TO HEATHER."
I'D NEVER WIN.
BUT IF I DID, I'D START
EVERY DAY WITH PANCAKES.
'CAUSE THEY'RE LIKE
LITTLE MINI SUNSHINES
FILLED WITH YUMMY FUN.
PERSONALLY, I'VE HAD ENOUGH
DRAMA HERE TO LAST A LIFETIME.
I MEAN, OWEN'S OKAY,
BUT EIGHT WEEKS OF HEATHER
WAS ABOUT AS MUCH FUN AS
A MOUTHFUL OF IMPACTED MOLARS.
SURE, EIGHT WEEKS WITH THESE
LOSERS IS CAUSE FOR INSANITY,
BUT AT LEAST THE MOTHER SHIP
KNOWS WHERE GWEN IS NOW
SO THEY CAN RETRIEVE HER.
AND GREENPEACE CAN BAG
AND TAG OWEN
AS THE HAZARDOUS WASTE
THAT HE IS.
BUT ALL
THE ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT PANCAKES
IN THE WORLD WOULDN'T BE SPECIAL
WITHOUT FRIENDS TO SHARE THEM.
(SIGHS)
SURE, OWEN'S DUMB LUCK
HAS WON HIM A FEW CHALLENGES,
BUT IT'S HIS ABILITY
NOT TO BE DISGUSTED
BY ANYTHING EDIBLE
THAT WORRIES ME.
YOU EVER NOTICE HOW MUCH
A TOILET SEAT
LOOKS LIKE A PANCAKE?
(LAUGHS)
AND LAZY.
UGH, SLOTHS COULD TAKE
A CUE FROM "SLOW-EN."
(LAUGHS) I SHOULD PROBABLY
SPIT THIS OUT.
(SNORES)
THANKFULLY,
GWEN HAS NO STRENGTHS.
SHE'S JUST
A LOW-RENT GUTTER PUNK
WITH DRAGON BREATH
AND UGLY HAIR.
HEATHER'S STRENGTH IS OBVIOUSLY
HER BOTTOMLESS PIT OF MEAN.
I'M BANKING ON HER MASSIVE EGO
TO BE HER DOWNFALL.
(SNORES)
CAMPERS,
WELCOME TO THE SEMIFINALS.
THE PRODUCERS RAN OUT
OF INSANE WAYS OF TORTURING YOU,
SO...
THEY ASKED THE OUSTED CAMPERS
FOR IDEAS.
TURNS OUT THEY HAD A LOT.
THEY PROVIDED US WITH
THE SICKEST, MOST TWISTED,
AND INSANE DARES IMAGINABLE
IN "TDI'S" VERSION OF...
SPIN THE BOTTLE!
STARTING WITH IZZY, TRENT,
CODY, JUSTIN,
NOAH, LESHAWNA, LINDSAY,
BETH, TYLER,
HAROLD, D.J. GEOFF,
BRIDGETTE,
DUNCAN, COURTNEY, EVA,
KATIE AND SADIE,
AND THE HOMESCHOOLED,
MISOGYNISTIC COUNTRY BOY,
EZEKIEL.
PUT THEM ALL TOGETHER,
AND WE'VE GOT A HIGH-STAKES GAME
OF "I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU"!
WHAT IS THIS, GRADE 5?
WHY DON'T WE JUST DO SEVEN
MINUTES OF HEAVEN
IN A SKANKY BASEMENT CLOSET?
YEAH! GOOD CALL!
LET'S DO IT!
OW!
EACH PLAYER WILL TAKE TURNS
SPINNING THE BOTTLE.
THE CAMPER THAT YOU LAND ON
DETERMINES
THE DARE YOU'LL PERFORM.
YOU CAN TAKE THE DARE YOURSELF
AND WIN A GET-OUT-OF-DARE
FREEBIE
OR INFLICT THE DARE
ON A FELLOW CAMPER
IN HOPES
OF BOOTING THEM OUT.
AND IF WE REFUSE
TO DO THE DARE?
OH, NOT A GOOD OPTION.
ANYONE WHO CHICKENS OUT
OF THEIR DARE
WILL BE SENT DIRECTLY
TO THE DOCK OF SHAME,
BOARD THE BOAT OF LOSERS,
DO NOT GO TO BONFIRE,
DO NOT COLLECT MARSHMALLOW,
AND DO NOT GET
TO WIN $100,000.
WOW,
A SUDDEN-DEATH ELIMINATION.
GOOD ONE.
OKAY, WHO'S READY
TO HUMILIATE THEMSELVES FIRST?
OH, WHAT THE HECK.
LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
OKAY, SO HERE'S THE DEAL.
CHEF AND I HAVE
A LITTLE SIDE BET GOING.
WHOEVER PUKES FIRST
HAS TO PONY UP 100 BUCKS.
OKAY,
LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!
DUNCAN'S DARE.
LICK OWEN'S ARMPIT.
GWEN, YOU CAN PERFORM
THE DARE YOURSELF
OR DARE ONE
OF YOUR COMPETITORS TO DO IT.
(CHUCKLES) EITHER WAY,
SOMEONE'S LICKING SOME ARMPIT
IN THE NEXT MINUTE.
I TRIPLE DOG DARE HEATHER.
YOU COULD IMAGINE THAT YOU'RE
LICKING AN ICE-CREAM CONE.
SHUT UP, OWEN!
MINUS THE B.O.
I'M WARNING YOU!
OH, AND THE PIT HAIR.
(GAGS)
OH HO HO, MAN!
THAT WAS SO SICK.
I NEARLY PUKED.
NEARLY.
(GAGS)
EZEKIEL'S DARE IS...
CHEW YOUR OWN TOENAIL
SLOWLY.
GWEN!
I DARE GWEN.
DON'T CHOKE ON IT,
HONEY.
AH AH AH AH.
HE SAID CHEW IT SLOWLY.
(GULPS)
THERE.
SATISFIED?
VERY.
I'M JUST PICTURING TRENT
WATCHING THIS,
AND SOMETHING TELLS ME
HE WON'T BE EAGER
TO LOCK LIPS
WITH YOU ANYTIME SOON.
YOU SHOULD TALK,
PIT BREATH.
BETH.
RECHEWING
A WAD OF HAROLD'S GUM.
I WILL TAKE THE DARE!
BOTH: EW!
DUDE, IT'S CHEWED GUM.
HAROLD'S CHEWED GUM.
I KNOW, BUT IT MUST BE PRETTY
SPECIAL IF HE'S BEEN SAVING IT.
MMM.
FULL BODY.
A DELICATE, FRUITY AROMA
WITH A HINT OF CITRUS.
(LAUGHS)
ROBUST, YET BALANCED.
OH, SUMMERY.
OOOH!
AND A CRUNCHY CENTER.
(GAGS)
WHOO-HOO!
OWEN WINS THE FIRST FREEBIE.
AND A TETANUS SHOT
IF YOU WANT.
NAH, I'M GOOD.
THANKS.
THIS COULD BE HARDER
THAN I THOUGHT.
WELCOME BACK TO "TDI'S"
SEMIFINALS
AND A CHALLENGE WE LIKE TO CALL
"I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU."
GWEN, YOU'RE UP NEXT.
DROP A TRAY OF ICE INTO
YOUR UNDIES AND LET THEM MELT.
THAT'S IT?
I CAN HANDLE THAT.
NOW THAT'S ONE COOL CHICK
WITH A FROSTY 'TUDE
CHILLIN' BY THE--
JUST GIVE ME
THE F-F-FREAKIN' F-FREEBIE.
MY TURN!
AND I'M TAKING THE DARE.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS.
THERE IS NO WAY I WAS LETTING
THOSE NERDLINGS GET AHEAD OF ME.
I MEAN,
HOW BAD COULD THE DARE BE?
I'D ALREADY LICKED
OWEN'S ARMPIT.
SORRY.
SHUT UP, OWEN!
-TWICE IN A ROW'S GOTTA SUCK.
-I MEAN IT!
WELL, ESPECIALLY SINCE
I NEVER WASH IN THERE.
-UGH!
-NOT 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO.
I JUST FORGET.
(SLURPING)
HEY!
YOU DIDN'T PUKE THIS TIME!
(GAGS)
YOU STILL COOL?
OKAY, WE'LL GIVE HEATHER A FEW
MORE MINUTES ON LIFE SUPPORT
BEFORE WE START
THE NEXT ROUND.
OKAY, CHEF MADE SNACKS.
PB&J ANYONE?
(VOMITS)
NICE!
COME ON, IZZY!
BRING IT!
GIVE A PURPLE NURPLE
TO A SLEEPING BEAR.
(LAUGHS) YES!
OH, SOUNDS WICKED, MAN!
(LAUGHS)
WHAT'S A PURPLE NURPLE?
(SNORING AND GROWLING)
OH, HEY, THERE, MR. BEAR.
I'M JUST GONNA GIVE YOU
A LITTLE PINCH
AND BE RIGHT ON MY--
(FABRIC TEARING)
AHHH!
(ROARS)
(GROANS)
LICK OWEN'S TOE JAM.
OH, IS THAT WHAT
THAT BLACK GUNK IS?
I'LL USE MY FREEBIE.
GOOD CALL.
DRINK POWDERED FRUIT PUNCH
FROM THE COMMUNAL TOILET.
QUITE THE PREDICAMENT,
GWEN.
DO YOU USE THE FREEBIE
OR DO I SAVE IT FOR AN EVEN
SICKER DARE DOWN THE ROAD?
WHAT TO DO.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
I'M GOING IN.
SO FREAKIN' SICK.
CHEF'S GOING DOWN.
NO WAY.
THAT'S SO GROSS.
OH HO HO!
(LAUGHS)
(SLURPING)
(GAGS)
(VOMITS)
(BOTH GULP)
AT THIS RATE,
TRENT'S GONNA NEED A FUMIGATION
SQUAD JUST--
(BURPS)
EAT DOG FOOD.
YEAH, BABY!
MAN, SORRY, GUYS.
I KEEP GETTING
ALL THE GOOD ONES.
OKAY, DOWN, BOY!
HEEL!
DUDE, YOU HAVE TWO FREEBIES
YOU CAN USE.
BETTER YET,
YOU COULD DARE AN OPPONENT--
LIKE, SAY,
ONE WITHOUT A FREEBIE?
YOU STILL HAVE A BIT OF JELLY
ON YOUR LOWER LIP.
OH, GO STICK YOUR FACE BACK
IN THE TOILET.
IT'S COOL, BRO.
MY DOG DIGS THIS FOOD.
TIME TO FIND OUT
WHAT I'VE BEEN MISSING.
MEATY-TASTING.
OKAY,
THAT WAS SO GROSS!
(VOMITING, COUGHING)
IS THERE NOTHING
THESE FREAKS WON'T DO?!
(VOMITS)
I CAN'T BELIEVE
NO ONE'S DROPPED OUT
AND OWEN'S GOT 20 FREEBIES.
YEAH, BABY!
("TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR"
PLAYS)
GWEN AND HEATHER HAVE SQUAT,
BUT NOT TO WORRY.
THERE'S STILL PLENTY
TO BE MOTIVATED ABOUT.
("SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT" PLAYS)
IF YOU HELP ME
TAKE DOWN HEATHER,
I'LL SHARE MY WINNINGS
WITH YOU.
WHAT IF YOU DON'T WIN?
I'LL SWING FOR
A BOX OF DOUGHNUTS.
THE LADY DRIVES
A HARD BARGAIN.
DEAL!
CHRIS, I'D LIKE TO GIVE
AWAY HALF MY FREEBIES.
UH, WELL, OKAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
HELLO?!
IX-NAY ON THE ONSPIRACY-CAY!
THAT IS TOTALLY UNFAIR.
GET OUT YOUR RULE BOOK
AND DO YOUR RULE-CHECKING THING.
THEY'RE OBVIOUSLY GONNA
GANG UP AND WHOOP ME WITH DARES.
THERE HAS TO BE A RULE
ABOUT THIS KIND OF THING!
SORRY, THEM'S THE RULES.
NOT A RULE TO BE HAD.
-NADA.
-(GRUNTS)
DRINK A BLENDED PUREE
OF CHEF'S MYSTERY MEAT.
EENY, MEENY, MINEY...
HEATHER.
(CHICKEN CLUCKING)
(SIGHS)
FINALLY, I CATCH A BREAK.
THERE IS NO WAY LINDSAY
COULD THINK OF ANYTHING BAD.
OOH, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA LIKE THIS ONE.
HAVE YOUR HEAD SHAVED BY CHEF.
WHAT?!
LINDSAY RULES!
WHAT'S IT GOING TO BE,
HEATHER?
ARE YOU GOING TO DO THE DARE?
(CLIPPERS BUZZING)
OR THE WALK OF SHAME?
(HORN TOOTS)
(BUZZING)
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)
(BUZZING)
(BUZZING)
NOOOO!
(BUZZING STOPS)
HUH? WHA--
AGH!
WOW. WELL, THAT WAS
AN UNFORTUNATE ACCIDENT.
LOOKS LIKE HEATHER'S OUT.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
HE SHAVED MY HEAD!
TRUE, BUT YOU DIDN'T
ACTUALLY ACCEPT THE DARE.
IF YOU HAD,
YOU'D STILL BE BALD,
BUT AT LEAST
YOU'D BE IN THE GAME.
THAT WAS HARSH.
TOUGH BREAK.
(ECHOING) AGGHHH!
SORRY, THEM'S THE RULES.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THERE WEREN'T ANY RULES!
YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S COMPLICATED.
BUT HERE'S THE RUB--
YOU LOSE, THEY WIN.
BOTH: NO WAY!
WE WON!
YES!
FINE! BUT YOU'LL BE HEARING
FROM MY LAWYERS!
YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S GONNA BE A LONG RIDE.
A LONG RIDE TO COURT
WHEN I SUE YOU
FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT!
AND THEN THERE WERE TWO.
TUNE IN TO SEE WHO WILL WIN
THE CHECK FOR $100,000
ON "TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
YOU WANT DRAMA?!
YOU'LL BE PENNILESS!
JOBLESS!
YOUR NAME WILL BE MUD
ON EVERY BLOG
FROM HERE TO CAPE BRETON!