Total Drama (2007–2014): Season 1, Episode 24 - Are We There Yeti? - full transcript
The campers have a rude awakening, literally -- when they wake up in the middle of the wilderness.
CHEF: LAST WEEK ON
"TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,"
THOSE GOOD-FOR-NOTHING CAMPERS
GOT SWEPT AWAY BY A RAINSTORM
THAT LEFT THEM STRANDED
ON A DESERTED ISLAND.
MEANWHILE, THE CHUBBY ONE
DRIFTED ASHORE IN HIS OUTHOUSE
AND MADE A NEW FRIEND WHO HAS
AN I.Q. ALMOST AS HIGH AS HIS.
GRUESOME CHICK BUILT A RAFT
FOR HER AND THE DELINQUENT,
WHICH LEFT MOUTHY GIRL
TO FEND FOR HERSELF.
SOMEHOW, THEY ALL ENDED UP
TOGETHER IN A TREE HOUSE
CONFESSING THEIR SINS.
THAT'S WHEN THEY CAME UP
WITH A CRACKER-JACK PLAN
TO FIND OUT WHO
WAS MAKING FIRE.
BUT ALL THEY FOUND WAS THE
SECRET LOCATION
OF OUR PRODUCTION-CREW CAMP.
YEAH, THAT'S ME DOING THE RECAP.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
SINCE CHRIS IS OFF HOSTING
SOME FROUFROU AWARDS SHOW,
I'M FILLING IN AS HOST.
AND GUESS WHAT?
I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER.
SO SIT BACK, SHUT UP,
AND WATCH TONIGHT'S EPISODE
OF "TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,
I'M DOING FINE ♪
♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
♪ YOU ASKED ME
WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER
IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE
TO THE SUN ♪
♪ WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE,
NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH
NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING)
(SNEEZES)
(BUZZING)
(SNORING)
(COUGHS)
WHAT? WHO'S THAT?
WHERE ARE WE?!
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
-CHRIS?
-MOMMY!
EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!
HOW YOU GOT HERE
IS NOT YOUR CONCERN!
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRIS?
NONE OF YOUR GOSH-DARN BUSINESS
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRIS.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH
YOU WERE NEVER BORN.
YOUR MISSION IS TO FIND YOUR WAY
OUT OF THE FOREST OR DIE TRYING.
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
WE WILL DIE.
THEY LEFT US IN THE WOODS.
ALONE. AGAIN.
WITH HEATHER.
I'D RATHER GO SWIMMING
IN THE SHARK-INFESTED WATER.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
TEAM ONE--
DELINQUENT AND CHUBBY.
TEAM TWO--
GRIM AND GRIMMER.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED
IS IN THESE BAGS.
YOU'LL NAVIGATE YOUR WAY NORTH
TO BASE CAMP.
THE FIRST TEAM TO TAG THE CAMP
TOTEM POLE WINS.
AND HERE'S A TIP.
BETTER SET UP CAMP BEFORE
SUNDOWN,
BECAUSE ONCE NIGHTFALL HITS,
YOU WON'T EVEN SEE YOUR
TREMBLING HAND
IN FRONT
OF YOUR TERRIFIED FACE
UNLESS YOU GOT NIGHT-VISION
GOGGLES.
BUT YOU DON'T.
(LAUGHS)
OH, PLEASE, PLEASE,
DON'T LEAVE US HERE.
I'M BEGGING YOU.
WE WON'T SURVIVE!
GRAB A HOLD OF YOUR GUT,
SOLDIER!
DUNCAN'S A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT HE IS DEFINITELY
NOT A CHICKEN.
HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
I CAN TELL.
AND I AM GOING TO FIND OUT
WHAT IT IS.
THIS IS TOTALLY BONKERS!
WE'LL BE SCARFED DOWN
BY A GRIZZLY!
OH,
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU'LL WISH YOU SAW A GRIZZLY
ONCE YOU MEET UP
WITH OLD SASQUATCHANAKWA.
HE'S ONE MEAN MAMMA JAMMA.
-(GASPS)
-GOOD LUCK, TROOPS!
TRY NOT TO DIE!
THIS ISN'T LEGAL!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
(GASPS)
HEY, PEACHES, FILE IT
WITH THE NETWORK LAWYERS.
WHERE DO THEY THINK
THEY'RE GOING?
THEY CAN'T SURVIVE OUT THERE.
IT'S SUICIDE, IT'S--
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS
IF YOU SHUT UP ALREADY.
OKAY, NOTHING WOULD GIVE ME
GREATER PLEASURE
THAN DITCHING HER GRIM LITTLE
BUTT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
BUT THIS IS THE WILD.
I NEED SOMEONE TO SHOVE IN
FRONT OF ME IF A BEAR COMES BY.
I GOT TO SAY, I WAS JAZZED
TO BE PAIRED WITH OWEN.
I MEAN, COME ON,
IF YOU WERE A GRIZZLY,
WHO'D YOU RATHER BE DIPPING
IN BARBECUE SAUCE?
(WHEEZING)
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
I JUST WANTED TO GET AWAY
FROM THE GIRLS,
PSYCH THEM OUT A BIT,
YOU KNOW?
OKAY,
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.
YEP, YEP.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
EXCEPT ONE THING'S MISSING.
FO-O-O-O-O-O-OD!
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(DISTANT ROARING)
WHAT WAS THAT?
WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE.
WE'LL BE OUT OF THE WOODS
IN NO TIME
THANKS TO THESE BABIES.
YOU STOLE THOSE FROM CHEF?!
SWEET!
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I'M A HARDENED CRIMINAL.
WITH THESE BABIES,
WE CAN SEE AS CLEAR AS DAY.
(LAUGHS) AWESOME.
LET ME SEE THOSE.
(SIZZLING)
AH HA HA! MY EYES!
I'VE BEEN BLINDED!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
WE'VE GOT A CHALLENGE TO WIN.
NOW, GRAB THE MAP WHILE
I FIGURE OUT WHERE WE ARE.
SURE, BUT THE MAP ISN'T MUCH USE
WITHOUT A COMPASS, IS IT?
(CHUCKLES)
OKAY, THE SUN ROSE
FROM THE EAST,
WHICH MEANS THAT'S NORTH,
SO CAMP IS THAT-A-WAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
I THINK THE SUN ROSE
FROM OVER THERE,
WHICH MEANS THE CAMP
IS THAT-A-WAY.
UH, YEAH,
I THINK YOU'RE WRONG.
WE'RE GOING THIS WAY.
LET'S MOVE.
UH...
CAMP IS NORTH,
SO WE JUST FOLLOW THE RIVER.
EASY.
YEAH, AS LONG AS WE'RE NOT
MUNCHED BY SASQATCHAMACALLIT.
WOULD YOU RELAX?
THAT'S OBVIOUSLY
JUST ANOTHER STUPID,
MADE-UP MYTH TO SCARE US.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN SASQUATCHES.
I DON'T.
AND THEY WOULDN'T, LIKE,
DROP US HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST
IF THERE REALLY WAS ONE.
WHAT IF WE DIED?
WOULD THEY?
(ANIMAL GROWLING SOFTLY)
(GROANS)
I'D KILL FOR SOME BUG SPRAY.
THESE MOSQUITOES THINK
I'M AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET.
(GASPS) AH!
I THINK A MOSQUITO BIT
THE INSIDE OF MY THROAT.
(GAGS) IT ITCHES.
(COUGHS)
OKAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M SAYING THIS,
BUT I THINK
I ACTUALLY MISS CHRIS.
ANYTHING IS BETTER
THAN CHEF PSYCHOPATH.
WHY DO CAMP COOKS ALWAYS LOOK
LIKE ESCAPED CRIMINALS?
CAN YOU HEAR ME, CHRIS?
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED
YOUR LITTLE DAY OFF
WHILE WE PUT UP WITH
YOUR PSYCHOTIC SIDEKICK,
WHO, BY THE WAY,
WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING.
HE JUST DITCHED US
IN THE WOODS.
"PARDON, MONSIEUR."
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
HMM. (CHUCKLES)
DID YOU CATCH WHAT CHEF SAID
ABOUT THE SASQUATCHANAKWA?
THAT REALLY FREAKED ME OUT.
WHOA!
DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE
THINK BIGFOOT
IS THE MISSING LINK
BETWEEN HUMANS AND MONKEYS?
(GRUNTING) REALLY?
I'D SAY THE MISSING MONKEY
IS RIGHT HERE.
OW!
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
WITNESSES SAY HE'S 8 FEET TALL,
400 POUNDS,
AND HAS B.O. THAT WOULD
MAKE YOU HURL CHUNKS FROM,
LIKE, 200 YARDS.
(CHUCKLES) COME ON,
IF HE REALLY EXISTED,
DON'T YOU THINK SOMEBODY
WOULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM BY NOW?
NAH, HE'S CRAFTY.
HEY...
HEY, IT'S THE GIRLS.
AND THEY'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY!
TYPICAL CHICKS WITH ZERO SENSE
OF DIRECTION!
HEY, HERE'S A POINTER!
TRY CHECKING A MAP!
UH, WE WOULD IF WE HAD ONE,
BUT THIS COMPASS TELLS US
THAT'S NORTH!
YOU KNOW? LIKE WHERE CHEF SAID
THE CAMP IS?!
UGH!
ENJOY THE VIEW UP THERE,
SUCKERS!
GREAT.
NOW WE'RE BEHIND.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO JUMP
AND DIVE INTO THE RIVER.
AFTER MY BIG CLIFF DIVE
ON THE FIRST DAY OF CAMP,
I WAS KING OF THE WORLD.
I'M GOING TO DIE NOW.
I'M GOING TO FRICKIN' DIE NOW.
I CONQUERED MY BIGGEST FEAR
AND HELPED MY TEAM WIN!
IT WAS AWESOME.
COME ON, BIG GUY.
YAHHHH!
OH! CRAP!
(SCREAMING)
BUT THEN,
A FEW DAYS LATER,
MY FEAR CAME GURGLING BACK UP
LIKE A DAY-OLD INDIAN BUFFET.
(FARTS)
(LAUGHS) OH, NO.
UH, I DON'T DO
DAREDEVIL DIVES ANYMORE.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
NO CAN DO.
THEN NO WORRIES.
I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SPLASH)
OKAY, LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW
WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER,
AND WE BOTH PROBABLY WISH
WE COULD PUSH EACH OTHER
OFF A CLIFF RIGHT NOW.
THE THOUGHT
HAD CROSSED MY MIND.
BUT I THINK WE CAN ALSO AGREE
THAT WE HAVE TO WIN
THIS CHALLENGE.
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LET THE GUYS
WIN INVINCIBILITY.
AND WHO KNOWS WHAT
KIND OF EVIL BONDING
THEY'RE UP TO RIGHT NOW.
(FARTS)
NICE ONE.
(FARTS)
OH-HO! EXTRA POINTS
FOR THE STINK FACTOR.
(LAUGHS)
SO WE'RE A TEAM ON THIS,
RIGHT?
RIGHT.
(GASPS)
BOTH:
THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!
USING THE RIVER
WAS BRILLIANT.
WELL PLAYED, BOYS.
WELL PLAYED.
(GASPS)
WHOA!
AAH!
(BOTH GROWLING)
AAH!
(SCREAMS)
BOTH: AHH!
AGH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY STOLE
ALL OF OUR SUPPLIES.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE
A KNOWN CRIMINAL.
EW, I HOPE WE FIND
THE CAMP SOON.
-YOU REALLY STINK.
-YOU SHOULD TALK.
I CAN SMELL YOUR ARMPITS
FROM HERE.
(GASPS) HEATHER, LOOK!
IT'S A SASQUATCH FOOTPRINT.
OOH, I'M SO SCARED.
PUH-LEASE,
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELVES.
SHH!
AGH!
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMS)
WELL, HELLO,
MR. SQUIRREL.
AND HELLO TO YOU,
MR. RACCOON.
(SCREAMS)
OH, GOOD DAY,
MR. SASQUATCHANAKWA.
(GASPS)
RUN!
AGH!
(ALL SCREAMING)
SASQUATCHANAKWA!
-DUNCAN?
-OWEN?
-HEATHER?
-DUNCAN?
-HEATHER?
-GWEN?
-GWEN?
-OWEN?
HEATHER: NOW THAT WE'VE
TAKEN ROLL CALL,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
DID YOU SEE THE SIZE
OF THAT THING?
DUNCAN:
I COULD HAVE TAKEN HIM.
GWEN: IS THAT WHY YOU WERE
SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL?
DUNCAN: RIGHT. WELL,
I WAS JUST FAKING HIM OUT.
ANYWAY, I THINK WE'RE
SAFE HERE FOR A WHILE.
OWEN: UH, THAT DEPENDS
ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY SAFE.
HEATHER: I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D SAY THIS,
BUT PLEASE TELL ME THAT
TONGUE IN MY EAR IS OWEN.
OWEN: NO, THAT WOULD BE THE...
BATS!
(ALL SCREAMING)
DO SASQUATCHES
GET MEANER AT NIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO FIND OUT.
(SNARLING)
(SINGING MELODICALLY)
(GAGS)
(SNORTING)
SINCE YOU GUYS STILL HAVE
SUPPLIES AND A MAP,
I GUESS YOU BEAT US.
UGH.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
IT'S OBVIOUS
THEY KICKED OUR BUTTS.
FINE, WHATEVER.
YOU BEAT US.
OH, LOOK, IF YOU GUYS WANT
TO BUNK WITH US, IT'S COOL.
WHY DON'T YOU SET UP CAMP
WHILE WE LOOK FOR FIREWOOD?
UGH, THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
THING MADE ME WANT TO PUKE.
SHH! WHO CARES?
LET THEM THINK THEY'RE BIG,
STRONG BOYS FOR NOW.
IT'S SO EASY TO FOOL GUYS.
THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE KIDS.
THEY NEVER SEE IT COMING.
I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
JUST WHEN I THINK HEATHER
CAN'T GET MORE UNDERHANDED,
SHE GETS MORE UNDERHANDED.
TOYING WITH THE BOYS--
WELL PLAYED.
YOU REALLY THINK WE CAN TRUST
THEM WITH OUR STUFF BACK THERE?
AS IF.
TRUST NO ONE.
HEY, I SMOOSHED THE ENERGY BARS
INTO A BIG, CHEWY BALL.
ANY TAKERS?
NO.
BUT I'LL TAKE
YOUR SLEEPING BAG.
(SNORING)
I CAN'T SLEEP.
I'M TOO... SCARED.
CAN I JUST...?
UH, YEAH, SURE.
I FEEL SO SAFE
IN YOUR ARMS.
YOU WON'T FALL ASLEEP,
RIGHT?
YEP,
YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.
(SNORING)
DUDE! WAKE UP.
THE FIRE, THE GIRLS, OUR STUFF.
IT'S GONE!
WHAT?!
OH, THE MAP!
(GROWLS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
DO WE FEEL BAD?
NO WAY.
THEY STOLE OUR STUFF FIRST.
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR,
AND THIS IS DEFINITELY WAR NOW.
OKAY,
THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES.
AND FOR THE RECORD, GWEN WAS
JUST AS INTO SCAMMING THEM
AS I WAS.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET MYSELF
GET SUCKERED BY A CHICK.
UH, TWO CHICKS.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU'RE WEAK.
YOU'VE SUCCUMBED TO THE PRIMAL
URGES OF...
(SNIFFS)
DO YOU SMELL THAT?
WHAT?
IT'S SWEET AND CINNAMONY
AND--I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.
STICKY BUNS!
(SNIFFS) MMM.
THAT'S SOME OVEN LOVIN'.
HOLD ON, BABY.
I'M COMING FOR YA.
NO. NO, WAIT!
WE MADE IT!
OH, CRAP.
HA!
GO FOR IT, DUDE!
STICKY BUNS!
NO! DUDE!
WE WERE SO CLOSE.
WHY?
WELL, THEY'RE FRESH
FROM THE OVEN.
THOSE ARE MINE!
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO THOSE BUNS!
ALL RIGHT, GAME'S OVER.
GIRLS WIN, GUYS LOSE.
WE LOST THE CHALLENGE
FOR A FEW STICKY BUNS?
WHAT WAS THAT?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY STICKY BUNS
I COULD HAVE BOUGHT
WITH $100,000?
(LAUGHS) O.M.G.
THAT WAS SO PATHETIC.
I HOPE THOSE BUNS
WERE WORTH IT.
WOW.
WE KIND OF SCORED THAT ONE.
I THINK DUNCAN'S
REALLY MAD AT ME.
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SAVED HIM
A STICKY BUN.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE MY DAY!
I HAD IT ALL PLANNED.
I WAS GONNA EAT
MY STICKY BUNS
AND RELAX WITH ONE
OF HEATHER'S FACIALS
WHILE I FINISHED READING
GWEN'S DIARY
AND CLEAN MY TOENAILS.
THAT REMINDS ME--
YOU NEED TO SHARPEN THIS.
THEN I WAS GONNA LOOT
THE REST OF OWEN'S SNACK STASH.
-(GASPS)
-BUT YOU ALL RUINED IT!
SO, HERE'S YOUR
INVINCI-DARN-BILITY!
YOU!
CHOKE ON THIS, GLUTTON.
YOU'RE FINISHED!
(SCOFFS) GOOD.
GET ME OUT OF HERE
AND BACK TO JUVIE.
AT LEAST WITH CONVICTS,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
LEFT, LEFT,
LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT!
COME ON, SOLDIER.
DO I BEAR A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE
TO SOMEBODY WHO'S GOT ALL DAY?
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU HAD THE CHANCE
TO ROCK AN ALLIANCE WITH ME,
BUT YOU BLEW IT.
YOU PLAYED THE GAME WELL.
SORRY YOU HAD TO LOSE
OVER STICKY BUNS.
I-I-I--
(BURPS)
WHATEVER.
SO, LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT
TO THE FINAL THREE.
I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE
WHO GOT ME TO THE FINAL THREE.
COURTNEY,
I FEEL YOUR PAIN, GIRL.
YOU SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN
CHEATED OFF LIKE THAT.
NOAH, YOU ARE ONE
SERIOUSLY SMART GUY.
DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE.
AND LINDSAY, THE MOST
FASHIONABLE GIRL ON THE ISLAND,
NEXT TO ME, YOU KNOW YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY BFFS.
I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
I DIDN'T THINK I'D MAKE IT
THIS FAR.
(YAWNS)
BUT NOW THAT I HAVE,
I MIGHT AS WELL WIN.
SO...
IT'S OWEN AND TWO HOT CHICKS.
(LAUGHS) PAR-TAY!
JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.
AAHH!
(SNARLS)
(GIGGLES)
WHEW!
-(ROARS)
-AHHHHH!
(GIGGLES)
WHEW!
-(ROARS)
-AHHHHH!
OHH! WHEW.
NO! WHEW.
NO! WHEW. NO!
WHEW.
"TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND,"
THOSE GOOD-FOR-NOTHING CAMPERS
GOT SWEPT AWAY BY A RAINSTORM
THAT LEFT THEM STRANDED
ON A DESERTED ISLAND.
MEANWHILE, THE CHUBBY ONE
DRIFTED ASHORE IN HIS OUTHOUSE
AND MADE A NEW FRIEND WHO HAS
AN I.Q. ALMOST AS HIGH AS HIS.
GRUESOME CHICK BUILT A RAFT
FOR HER AND THE DELINQUENT,
WHICH LEFT MOUTHY GIRL
TO FEND FOR HERSELF.
SOMEHOW, THEY ALL ENDED UP
TOGETHER IN A TREE HOUSE
CONFESSING THEIR SINS.
THAT'S WHEN THEY CAME UP
WITH A CRACKER-JACK PLAN
TO FIND OUT WHO
WAS MAKING FIRE.
BUT ALL THEY FOUND WAS THE
SECRET LOCATION
OF OUR PRODUCTION-CREW CAMP.
YEAH, THAT'S ME DOING THE RECAP.
YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!
SINCE CHRIS IS OFF HOSTING
SOME FROUFROU AWARDS SHOW,
I'M FILLING IN AS HOST.
AND GUESS WHAT?
I AIN'T HAPPY ABOUT IT EITHER.
SO SIT BACK, SHUT UP,
AND WATCH TONIGHT'S EPISODE
OF "TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND"!
♪ DEAR MOM AND DAD,
I'M DOING FINE ♪
♪ YOU GUYS ARE ON MY MIND ♪
♪ YOU ASKED ME
WHAT I WANTED TO BE ♪
♪ AND NOW I THINK THE ANSWER
IS PLAIN TO SEE ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANT TO LIVE CLOSE
TO THE SUN ♪
♪ WELL, PACK YOUR BAGS
'CAUSE I'VE ALREADY WON ♪
♪ EVERYTHING TO PROVE,
NOTHING IN MY WAY ♪
♪ I'LL GET THERE ONE DAY ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ NAH NAH-NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH
NAH-NAH NAH-NAH-NAH ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
♪ I WANNA BE,
I WANNA BE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE FAMOUS ♪
(WHISTLING)
(SNEEZES)
(BUZZING)
(SNORING)
(COUGHS)
WHAT? WHO'S THAT?
WHERE ARE WE?!
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
-CHRIS?
-MOMMY!
EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP!
HOW YOU GOT HERE
IS NOT YOUR CONCERN!
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRIS?
NONE OF YOUR GOSH-DARN BUSINESS
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHRIS.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW,
AND I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH
YOU WERE NEVER BORN.
YOUR MISSION IS TO FIND YOUR WAY
OUT OF THE FOREST OR DIE TRYING.
YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.
WE WILL DIE.
THEY LEFT US IN THE WOODS.
ALONE. AGAIN.
WITH HEATHER.
I'D RATHER GO SWIMMING
IN THE SHARK-INFESTED WATER.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS.
TEAM ONE--
DELINQUENT AND CHUBBY.
TEAM TWO--
GRIM AND GRIMMER.
EVERYTHING YOU NEED
IS IN THESE BAGS.
YOU'LL NAVIGATE YOUR WAY NORTH
TO BASE CAMP.
THE FIRST TEAM TO TAG THE CAMP
TOTEM POLE WINS.
AND HERE'S A TIP.
BETTER SET UP CAMP BEFORE
SUNDOWN,
BECAUSE ONCE NIGHTFALL HITS,
YOU WON'T EVEN SEE YOUR
TREMBLING HAND
IN FRONT
OF YOUR TERRIFIED FACE
UNLESS YOU GOT NIGHT-VISION
GOGGLES.
BUT YOU DON'T.
(LAUGHS)
OH, PLEASE, PLEASE,
DON'T LEAVE US HERE.
I'M BEGGING YOU.
WE WON'T SURVIVE!
GRAB A HOLD OF YOUR GUT,
SOLDIER!
DUNCAN'S A LOT OF THINGS,
BUT HE IS DEFINITELY
NOT A CHICKEN.
HE'S UP TO SOMETHING.
I CAN TELL.
AND I AM GOING TO FIND OUT
WHAT IT IS.
THIS IS TOTALLY BONKERS!
WE'LL BE SCARFED DOWN
BY A GRIZZLY!
OH,
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.
YOU'LL WISH YOU SAW A GRIZZLY
ONCE YOU MEET UP
WITH OLD SASQUATCHANAKWA.
HE'S ONE MEAN MAMMA JAMMA.
-(GASPS)
-GOOD LUCK, TROOPS!
TRY NOT TO DIE!
THIS ISN'T LEGAL!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
(GASPS)
HEY, PEACHES, FILE IT
WITH THE NETWORK LAWYERS.
WHERE DO THEY THINK
THEY'RE GOING?
THEY CAN'T SURVIVE OUT THERE.
IT'S SUICIDE, IT'S--
HEY, I GOT AN IDEA.
LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS
IF YOU SHUT UP ALREADY.
OKAY, NOTHING WOULD GIVE ME
GREATER PLEASURE
THAN DITCHING HER GRIM LITTLE
BUTT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE,
BUT THIS IS THE WILD.
I NEED SOMEONE TO SHOVE IN
FRONT OF ME IF A BEAR COMES BY.
I GOT TO SAY, I WAS JAZZED
TO BE PAIRED WITH OWEN.
I MEAN, COME ON,
IF YOU WERE A GRIZZLY,
WHO'D YOU RATHER BE DIPPING
IN BARBECUE SAUCE?
(WHEEZING)
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
I JUST WANTED TO GET AWAY
FROM THE GIRLS,
PSYCH THEM OUT A BIT,
YOU KNOW?
OKAY,
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.
YEP, YEP.
IT'S ALL GOOD.
EXCEPT ONE THING'S MISSING.
FO-O-O-O-O-O-OD!
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
(DISTANT ROARING)
WHAT WAS THAT?
WE'RE GONNA DIE OUT HERE.
WE'LL BE OUT OF THE WOODS
IN NO TIME
THANKS TO THESE BABIES.
YOU STOLE THOSE FROM CHEF?!
SWEET!
WHAT CAN I SAY?
I'M A HARDENED CRIMINAL.
WITH THESE BABIES,
WE CAN SEE AS CLEAR AS DAY.
(LAUGHS) AWESOME.
LET ME SEE THOSE.
(SIZZLING)
AH HA HA! MY EYES!
I'VE BEEN BLINDED!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
WE'VE GOT A CHALLENGE TO WIN.
NOW, GRAB THE MAP WHILE
I FIGURE OUT WHERE WE ARE.
SURE, BUT THE MAP ISN'T MUCH USE
WITHOUT A COMPASS, IS IT?
(CHUCKLES)
OKAY, THE SUN ROSE
FROM THE EAST,
WHICH MEANS THAT'S NORTH,
SO CAMP IS THAT-A-WAY.
ARE YOU SURE?
I THINK THE SUN ROSE
FROM OVER THERE,
WHICH MEANS THE CAMP
IS THAT-A-WAY.
UH, YEAH,
I THINK YOU'RE WRONG.
WE'RE GOING THIS WAY.
LET'S MOVE.
UH...
CAMP IS NORTH,
SO WE JUST FOLLOW THE RIVER.
EASY.
YEAH, AS LONG AS WE'RE NOT
MUNCHED BY SASQATCHAMACALLIT.
WOULD YOU RELAX?
THAT'S OBVIOUSLY
JUST ANOTHER STUPID,
MADE-UP MYTH TO SCARE US.
I DON'T BELIEVE IN SASQUATCHES.
I DON'T.
AND THEY WOULDN'T, LIKE,
DROP US HERE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FOREST
IF THERE REALLY WAS ONE.
WHAT IF WE DIED?
WOULD THEY?
(ANIMAL GROWLING SOFTLY)
(GROANS)
I'D KILL FOR SOME BUG SPRAY.
THESE MOSQUITOES THINK
I'M AN ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET.
(GASPS) AH!
I THINK A MOSQUITO BIT
THE INSIDE OF MY THROAT.
(GAGS) IT ITCHES.
(COUGHS)
OKAY, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M SAYING THIS,
BUT I THINK
I ACTUALLY MISS CHRIS.
ANYTHING IS BETTER
THAN CHEF PSYCHOPATH.
WHY DO CAMP COOKS ALWAYS LOOK
LIKE ESCAPED CRIMINALS?
CAN YOU HEAR ME, CHRIS?
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED
YOUR LITTLE DAY OFF
WHILE WE PUT UP WITH
YOUR PSYCHOTIC SIDEKICK,
WHO, BY THE WAY,
WASN'T EVEN DOING ANYTHING.
HE JUST DITCHED US
IN THE WOODS.
"PARDON, MONSIEUR."
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
HMM. (CHUCKLES)
DID YOU CATCH WHAT CHEF SAID
ABOUT THE SASQUATCHANAKWA?
THAT REALLY FREAKED ME OUT.
WHOA!
DID YOU KNOW THAT SOME PEOPLE
THINK BIGFOOT
IS THE MISSING LINK
BETWEEN HUMANS AND MONKEYS?
(GRUNTING) REALLY?
I'D SAY THE MISSING MONKEY
IS RIGHT HERE.
OW!
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
WITNESSES SAY HE'S 8 FEET TALL,
400 POUNDS,
AND HAS B.O. THAT WOULD
MAKE YOU HURL CHUNKS FROM,
LIKE, 200 YARDS.
(CHUCKLES) COME ON,
IF HE REALLY EXISTED,
DON'T YOU THINK SOMEBODY
WOULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM BY NOW?
NAH, HE'S CRAFTY.
HEY...
HEY, IT'S THE GIRLS.
AND THEY'RE GOING
THE WRONG WAY!
TYPICAL CHICKS WITH ZERO SENSE
OF DIRECTION!
HEY, HERE'S A POINTER!
TRY CHECKING A MAP!
UH, WE WOULD IF WE HAD ONE,
BUT THIS COMPASS TELLS US
THAT'S NORTH!
YOU KNOW? LIKE WHERE CHEF SAID
THE CAMP IS?!
UGH!
ENJOY THE VIEW UP THERE,
SUCKERS!
GREAT.
NOW WE'RE BEHIND.
WE'LL JUST HAVE TO JUMP
AND DIVE INTO THE RIVER.
AFTER MY BIG CLIFF DIVE
ON THE FIRST DAY OF CAMP,
I WAS KING OF THE WORLD.
I'M GOING TO DIE NOW.
I'M GOING TO FRICKIN' DIE NOW.
I CONQUERED MY BIGGEST FEAR
AND HELPED MY TEAM WIN!
IT WAS AWESOME.
COME ON, BIG GUY.
YAHHHH!
OH! CRAP!
(SCREAMING)
BUT THEN,
A FEW DAYS LATER,
MY FEAR CAME GURGLING BACK UP
LIKE A DAY-OLD INDIAN BUFFET.
(FARTS)
(LAUGHS) OH, NO.
UH, I DON'T DO
DAREDEVIL DIVES ANYMORE.
BEEN THERE, DONE THAT.
NO CAN DO.
THEN NO WORRIES.
I'LL DO IT FOR YOU!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SPLASH)
OKAY, LOOK, WE BOTH KNOW
WE DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER,
AND WE BOTH PROBABLY WISH
WE COULD PUSH EACH OTHER
OFF A CLIFF RIGHT NOW.
THE THOUGHT
HAD CROSSED MY MIND.
BUT I THINK WE CAN ALSO AGREE
THAT WE HAVE TO WIN
THIS CHALLENGE.
WE CAN'T AFFORD TO LET THE GUYS
WIN INVINCIBILITY.
AND WHO KNOWS WHAT
KIND OF EVIL BONDING
THEY'RE UP TO RIGHT NOW.
(FARTS)
NICE ONE.
(FARTS)
OH-HO! EXTRA POINTS
FOR THE STINK FACTOR.
(LAUGHS)
SO WE'RE A TEAM ON THIS,
RIGHT?
RIGHT.
(GASPS)
BOTH:
THEY'RE GETTING AWAY!
USING THE RIVER
WAS BRILLIANT.
WELL PLAYED, BOYS.
WELL PLAYED.
(GASPS)
WHOA!
AAH!
(BOTH GROWLING)
AAH!
(SCREAMS)
BOTH: AHH!
AGH!
I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY STOLE
ALL OF OUR SUPPLIES.
NEVER UNDERESTIMATE
A KNOWN CRIMINAL.
EW, I HOPE WE FIND
THE CAMP SOON.
-YOU REALLY STINK.
-YOU SHOULD TALK.
I CAN SMELL YOUR ARMPITS
FROM HERE.
(GASPS) HEATHER, LOOK!
IT'S A SASQUATCH FOOTPRINT.
OOH, I'M SO SCARED.
PUH-LEASE,
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELVES.
SHH!
AGH!
(GROWLING)
(SCREAMS)
WELL, HELLO,
MR. SQUIRREL.
AND HELLO TO YOU,
MR. RACCOON.
(SCREAMS)
OH, GOOD DAY,
MR. SASQUATCHANAKWA.
(GASPS)
RUN!
AGH!
(ALL SCREAMING)
SASQUATCHANAKWA!
-DUNCAN?
-OWEN?
-HEATHER?
-DUNCAN?
-HEATHER?
-GWEN?
-GWEN?
-OWEN?
HEATHER: NOW THAT WE'VE
TAKEN ROLL CALL,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
DID YOU SEE THE SIZE
OF THAT THING?
DUNCAN:
I COULD HAVE TAKEN HIM.
GWEN: IS THAT WHY YOU WERE
SCREAMING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL?
DUNCAN: RIGHT. WELL,
I WAS JUST FAKING HIM OUT.
ANYWAY, I THINK WE'RE
SAFE HERE FOR A WHILE.
OWEN: UH, THAT DEPENDS
ON WHAT YOU MEAN BY SAFE.
HEATHER: I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D SAY THIS,
BUT PLEASE TELL ME THAT
TONGUE IN MY EAR IS OWEN.
OWEN: NO, THAT WOULD BE THE...
BATS!
(ALL SCREAMING)
DO SASQUATCHES
GET MEANER AT NIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
BUT I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO FIND OUT.
(SNARLING)
(SINGING MELODICALLY)
(GAGS)
(SNORTING)
SINCE YOU GUYS STILL HAVE
SUPPLIES AND A MAP,
I GUESS YOU BEAT US.
UGH.
SPEAK FOR YOURSELF.
IT'S OBVIOUS
THEY KICKED OUR BUTTS.
FINE, WHATEVER.
YOU BEAT US.
OH, LOOK, IF YOU GUYS WANT
TO BUNK WITH US, IT'S COOL.
WHY DON'T YOU SET UP CAMP
WHILE WE LOOK FOR FIREWOOD?
UGH, THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS
THING MADE ME WANT TO PUKE.
SHH! WHO CARES?
LET THEM THINK THEY'RE BIG,
STRONG BOYS FOR NOW.
IT'S SO EASY TO FOOL GUYS.
THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE KIDS.
THEY NEVER SEE IT COMING.
I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
JUST WHEN I THINK HEATHER
CAN'T GET MORE UNDERHANDED,
SHE GETS MORE UNDERHANDED.
TOYING WITH THE BOYS--
WELL PLAYED.
YOU REALLY THINK WE CAN TRUST
THEM WITH OUR STUFF BACK THERE?
AS IF.
TRUST NO ONE.
HEY, I SMOOSHED THE ENERGY BARS
INTO A BIG, CHEWY BALL.
ANY TAKERS?
NO.
BUT I'LL TAKE
YOUR SLEEPING BAG.
(SNORING)
I CAN'T SLEEP.
I'M TOO... SCARED.
CAN I JUST...?
UH, YEAH, SURE.
I FEEL SO SAFE
IN YOUR ARMS.
YOU WON'T FALL ASLEEP,
RIGHT?
YEP,
YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.
(SNORING)
DUDE! WAKE UP.
THE FIRE, THE GIRLS, OUR STUFF.
IT'S GONE!
WHAT?!
OH, THE MAP!
(GROWLS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
DO WE FEEL BAD?
NO WAY.
THEY STOLE OUR STUFF FIRST.
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR,
AND THIS IS DEFINITELY WAR NOW.
OKAY,
THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN.
I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN
THE LOOKS ON THEIR FACES.
AND FOR THE RECORD, GWEN WAS
JUST AS INTO SCAMMING THEM
AS I WAS.
OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET MYSELF
GET SUCKERED BY A CHICK.
UH, TWO CHICKS.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU'RE WEAK.
YOU'VE SUCCUMBED TO THE PRIMAL
URGES OF...
(SNIFFS)
DO YOU SMELL THAT?
WHAT?
IT'S SWEET AND CINNAMONY
AND--I'VE ALMOST GOT IT.
STICKY BUNS!
(SNIFFS) MMM.
THAT'S SOME OVEN LOVIN'.
HOLD ON, BABY.
I'M COMING FOR YA.
NO. NO, WAIT!
WE MADE IT!
OH, CRAP.
HA!
GO FOR IT, DUDE!
STICKY BUNS!
NO! DUDE!
WE WERE SO CLOSE.
WHY?
WELL, THEY'RE FRESH
FROM THE OVEN.
THOSE ARE MINE!
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD
TO THOSE BUNS!
ALL RIGHT, GAME'S OVER.
GIRLS WIN, GUYS LOSE.
WE LOST THE CHALLENGE
FOR A FEW STICKY BUNS?
WHAT WAS THAT?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY STICKY BUNS
I COULD HAVE BOUGHT
WITH $100,000?
(LAUGHS) O.M.G.
THAT WAS SO PATHETIC.
I HOPE THOSE BUNS
WERE WORTH IT.
WOW.
WE KIND OF SCORED THAT ONE.
I THINK DUNCAN'S
REALLY MAD AT ME.
MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE SAVED HIM
A STICKY BUN.
THIS WAS SUPPOSED
TO BE MY DAY!
I HAD IT ALL PLANNED.
I WAS GONNA EAT
MY STICKY BUNS
AND RELAX WITH ONE
OF HEATHER'S FACIALS
WHILE I FINISHED READING
GWEN'S DIARY
AND CLEAN MY TOENAILS.
THAT REMINDS ME--
YOU NEED TO SHARPEN THIS.
THEN I WAS GONNA LOOT
THE REST OF OWEN'S SNACK STASH.
-(GASPS)
-BUT YOU ALL RUINED IT!
SO, HERE'S YOUR
INVINCI-DARN-BILITY!
YOU!
CHOKE ON THIS, GLUTTON.
YOU'RE FINISHED!
(SCOFFS) GOOD.
GET ME OUT OF HERE
AND BACK TO JUVIE.
AT LEAST WITH CONVICTS,
YOU KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
LEFT, LEFT,
LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT!
COME ON, SOLDIER.
DO I BEAR A STRIKING RESEMBLANCE
TO SOMEBODY WHO'S GOT ALL DAY?
WHAT CAN I SAY?
YOU HAD THE CHANCE
TO ROCK AN ALLIANCE WITH ME,
BUT YOU BLEW IT.
YOU PLAYED THE GAME WELL.
SORRY YOU HAD TO LOSE
OVER STICKY BUNS.
I-I-I--
(BURPS)
WHATEVER.
SO, LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT
TO THE FINAL THREE.
I JUST WANT TO THANK EVERYONE
WHO GOT ME TO THE FINAL THREE.
COURTNEY,
I FEEL YOUR PAIN, GIRL.
YOU SHOULD HAVE NOT BEEN
CHEATED OFF LIKE THAT.
NOAH, YOU ARE ONE
SERIOUSLY SMART GUY.
DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE.
AND LINDSAY, THE MOST
FASHIONABLE GIRL ON THE ISLAND,
NEXT TO ME, YOU KNOW YOU'LL
ALWAYS BE ONE OF MY BFFS.
I'VE GOT TO ADMIT,
I DIDN'T THINK I'D MAKE IT
THIS FAR.
(YAWNS)
BUT NOW THAT I HAVE,
I MIGHT AS WELL WIN.
SO...
IT'S OWEN AND TWO HOT CHICKS.
(LAUGHS) PAR-TAY!
JUST GET ME OUT OF THIS PLACE.
AAHH!
(SNARLS)
(GIGGLES)
WHEW!
-(ROARS)
-AHHHHH!
(GIGGLES)
WHEW!
-(ROARS)
-AHHHHH!
OHH! WHEW.
NO! WHEW.
NO! WHEW. NO!
WHEW.