The Who Was? Show (2018): Season 1, Episode 3 - William Shakespeare & King Tut - full transcript

An amazing group of history people.
How do we choose?

We're doing William Shakespeare,

and the Egyptian pharaoh,
King Tutankhamun.

Oh. Never heard of him.
You should feature King Tut.

King Tutankhamun is King Tut.

Really? You've made an excellent choice.

He and I are alike.
In high school I was known as King Toot.

-Gross.
-My farting.

-Got it.
-When I sneezed.

-Every time I sneezed, I'd fart.
-Every time?

Every time. Good meeting.



Oh, fajitas.

♪ They were more than
Just some famous names ♪

♪ They were brilliant, brave
A bit insane ♪

♪ And against all odds
They changed the game ♪

♪ What was going on inside their brains? ♪

♪ These are not your average Joes ♪

♪ They did stuff the whole world knows ♪

♪ They're the superstars
Of The Who Was Show ♪

♪ This is The Who Was Show ♪

♪ This is The Who Was Show ♪

Who was William Shakespeare?

Author of such plays as Hamlet,
Romeo and Juliet, Macbeth--

No, no, not just a list.

No offense, but we can improve this.
Let me do it, I love to write.



This man is awaiting his introduction.
Start with him.

Absolutely.

Who was King Tut?

He was an Egyptian king by age 10.

He is probably the most famous pharaoh,

but not because
he was an important ruler.

Um, I can hear you.

Because in 1922,
when his tomb was discovered,

they found artifacts of
Egyptian gods, rituals and language.

A treasure trove of knowledge.
And treasure.

It sparked a craze for Egypt
that inspired dances, movies and fashion.

-That's what I'm talking about!
-Though he died at 18 or 19.

I'm done.
This wasn't as fun as I hoped.

Wonderful.

I'm ready.

It's an honor to read an
intro written by a writer for a change.

Begin.

'Tis with all due fanfare I introduce thee

To the genius of theater as all agree
He changed the way that stories are told

Using brave new language
Exciting and bold

Wonderful. Ramp up the drama.

The author of sonnets and 38 plays

Shakespeare by far was the star of his day

When it comes to writers
None is better

And now let's unfurl
A Shakespeare love letter

Oh. Bravo.

Bravo. By the way,
I created the term "love letter."

Nobody knows for sure

how Shakespeare, the son of a glove-maker,
fell in love with the theater.

Maybe it was like this.

-Father. Father.
-Quiet.

I need total concentration
for this thumb stitch. And...

Victory. There's nothing
more satisfying than making gloves.

But, Father, some traveling players
put on a show in town square.

There was laughter, romance,

-costumes.
-How were the gloves?

They were fine.

But they created an entire world
with words.

That's what I want to do, Father.
I want to write plays and poetry.

But glove-making,
that's a respectable trade, a legacy.

Son, you know I hate
randomly breaking into song, but...

♪ How can I make you understand ♪

♪ As you grow to be a man? ♪

♪ There's no greater joy in all the land ♪

♪ Than covering up the human hand ♪

♪ Oh, you can't spell glove
Without "love" ♪

♪ Because everybody loves a good glove ♪

♪ They keep fingers warm
In wind and storm ♪

♪ And don't overlook
Their eye-pleasing form ♪

-I yearn--
-Not done riffing.

♪ Form ♪

♪ That sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet form ♪

-Continue.
-But I yearn for applause of an audience.

♪ When people are clapping
The hands slapping wear what wrapping? ♪

A glove.

♪ 'Cause you can't spell glove
Without "love" ♪

I shall move to London
and join an acting company.

I may die penniless,
but I'll have expressed myself.

Big finish.

♪ A big mistake, you'll see ♪

♪ Soon you'll run back to me
When you realize that being a playwright ♪

♪ Cannot possibly manage to excite ♪

♪ Like making sure handwear
Does not fit too tight ♪

♪ You can't spell glove
Without "love" ♪

Bom, bom, unh!

Hear ye.
A wool shortage drove you out of business.

Out of business?

-You lose everything.
-Everything?

-Everything.
-Everything?

Everything.

As I was saying, follow your dreams,
all the world's a stage.

Use that.

-Hey, King Tut.
-Yes, Shakespeare?

Before you came,

did you have to ask permission
from your mummy? Hmm?

That's the greatest writer?

Tomb Fixers.
You can never have too much tomb.

Hi, everyone, and welcome to Tomb Fixers.

Today, we'll transform this space

into a cozy tomb
for our new pharaoh of Egypt.

No, no, no. I cannot imagine
getting eternal rest in this dump.

Let's talk about our must-haves.

Tutty needs a home
in the Valley of the Kings.

He'd like a formal antechamber
and no natural light.

-Bad for decaying skin. I want a man cave.
-Lucky you, this is a cave.

-And an open concept floor plan. Oh!
-Again, cave.

And a place to put my curse.

Oh, Tutty. I can only work
with things that are real.

How dare you challenge
the curse of the pharaoh?

All right--

We'll be right back.

Tomb Fixers.

Now at the Globe Theatre,
the plays of William Shakespeare.

Shakespeare does it all.
Romances like Romeo and Juliet.

What light through
yonder window breaks?

It was beautiful.

I brought rotten veggies and didn't throw
a single one at the stage.

-Soulful tragedies like Hamlet.
-To be or not to be. That is the question.

He made me question
the very nature of existence.

-I like the jokes about farts.
-Histories like Richard III.

A horse.
My kingdom for a horse.

Come on.

He treats kings and queens
like real people.

To see or not to see.
That is the question.

When it comes to Shakespeare
at the Globe, the answer is yes.

-Tomb Fixers.
-Welcome back to Tomb Fixers.

Tutty's been frustrated
with the renovations,

but he's lifted the curse on me

-and I'm giving him what he wants.
-I'm a giver.

You'll love it after renovations.

To keep comfortable for 3000 years,

we'll be adding cow couches,
luxurious sarcophagus,

hieroglyphics
to read about how dead you are.

And mummy cats.
Lots of mummy cats.

-Great food in the afterlife.
-Yeah. Ooh.

Here's William Shakespeare.

I invented commonly-used phrases,

but I also had some
that didn't quite catch on,

like sweet as a monkey's buttons,
midnight in cake pants,

sing me another one, washcloth.

Do you understand Shakespeare?

"My grave is like my wedding bed."
What's that mean?

It's like this Shakespeare writes
in another language, which he doesn't?

Oh, no. We're like Ron.
Get that book away.

Oucheth.

I was following mine belly to the snacks

whenst this familiar play was hurled
upon my face.

-We discussed your writing and--
-Confused?

-Yeah, the kids are.
-Oh, let's see here. Well--

Sorry. Last banana.

My plays were the first of their kind.
Before me, plays were simple.

You know, a king was bad,
a person killed the king, the end.

What a story, that's amazing.

No, it's not.

What I did was make my characters behave
like real people.

Okay, but, like, uh,
what's with all the long speeches?

Oh. Those are called soliloquies.

They allow a character to reveal
inner feelings to the audience. Behold.

This is from my new play, The Snack Table.

It is I, Ronvolio. I wear a business suit.

But look at me closely,
you'll see I have a fruit.

Oh, banana.
Our friendship does mean so much to me.

Inside my heart,
I swell with love, for I cherish thee.

Forgive me, yellow chum,

for inside my mouth you go.

I shall miss you, yellow buddy,

for it's on with the show.

That was beautiful.

Love the part where he--
Hey. That was my banana.

Bad news.

Shakespeare's a banana thief.
Get back with that!

How to Make a Mummy.

Hey, mummy fans.
Imhotep the royal mortician here,

with my assistant, Anpu,

jackal-headed god of the dead. Say hi.

A lot of comments say,
"Pharaoh's dead,

I gotta prep him,
and he's starting to stink."

How to make a mummy:

Take out the organs.
Except the heart, he'll need that.

Throw his other organs in an organ jar.
Get them at Tomb Depot.

Do not eat that stomach.

Grab the brain hook,
jam it up the nose and yank.

He can't feel it. He's dead.
Throw it away, don't waste a jar.

Salt the body,
let it dry for 40 days.

Okay, 40 days later. Your mummy's skin
should be leathery like a wallet.

Now, fun part: Wrapping.

Play fast and loose.
Say prayers, throw in magic charms.

It's your mummy.
Put in whatever you want.

Then glue that mess up.
And mummy accomplished.

Everybody's happy.
See you in the afterlife.

- Tomb Fixers.
- And time for the big reveal.

Wow. Whoa.

What a transformation.
I wish I could move in.

-You'll be here soon.
-What?

Nothing. No curses.
See you next time!

Oh, wow-- Oh.

Sit, doggy, sit.

-Hey, Tut-Tut.
-Yes, Willie Shakes?

-Knock knock.
-Who's there?

The man who first wrote
"knock knock, who's there?"

First to write
"knock knock, who's there" who?

First to write
"knock knock, who's there"

and also wrote 38 plays, I thank you.

Please. I was ruler of the Egyptian empire
at 10 years old.

Thank you. Good day.

Knock knock. Who's there?
Monsieur Tidbits,

with bits of tid
about Shakespeare's London.

Surprisingly, in Shakespeare's day,
cities were filthy.

In fact, everything smelled like poo.

No inside plumbing, so everyone
threw their poo into the streets.

No sewer system, so poo sat there
until rain washed it away.

It washed it into the River Thames,
making that smell like poo, too.

And I speak for all dogs when I say,
what a glorious time to be alive.

And now to handle the Tutankhamun tids,

may I introduce my Egyptian cousin,
Princess Tutbits.

Greetings.

I am Princess Tutbits
with some wonderful bits of Tut.

Tut was a pharaoh.
What was a pharaoh?

Glad I asked.

A pharaoh was considered a child of
the gods and after death, became a god.

Why am I always looking sideways?
Glad I asked.

I'm drawn in the style of hieroglyphs,

which was a picture-based alphabet with a
thousand symbols for letters and words.

This one, cleverly enough, means "goose."

The Great Sphinx,
body of a lion and head of a human.

No one knows why it was built,
but it sure is big.

Oh, no, where's his nose?

Glad I asked.

Perhaps it was removed
in 1378 for political reasons.

Perhaps by a cannonball fired by Napoleon.
Perhaps the British army

used it for target practice.
Or maybe he sneezed too hard.

The point is, if you have the nose,
return it.

Tid/Tut-bits delivered,
Tid/Tut-bits enjoyed,

Tid/Tut-bits out!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, TUT Talks.

Whoo! Yes. Yes. Yes.

Okay. Bring it down.

Please. Thank you. Okay.
You're probably wondering:

"What's it like to be a pharaoh?"
I'll let you in on a secret.

I don't know what it's like.

I wasn't one.

But you wanna know something
that's really important about me?

My legacy. Your legacy
is what you leave behind when you're gone.

And my legacy
is that the world knows a whole lot

about ancient Egypt all because of me.

I was pretty forgettable.
Nobody bothered my tomb.

Let me show you.

You see this big tomb?
That's King Ramses' tomb.

For centuries, everyone explored it.
That one way down there?

That's your boy.

An afterthought,
left completely intact for 3000 years.

So, for modern times,
it's the most impressive tomb found.

Here's a number:

You know that? That's the number
of objects I was buried with.

That's why everyone knows my name.

I'm trying to say don't sell
yourself short, keep a low profile,

stay in school and get buried
with a lot of gold.

And you, you, you
and you can have a legacy

like mine.

Thank you.

William Shakespeare.

People ask,
"What is it like being the greatest writer

with the world's largest vocabulary
at your command?" And I say, "It's cool.

Pretty cool."

♪ I coined a phrase
Every few days ♪

♪ When I was writing all my plays ♪

♪ Made it all up as I went along
Too much to fit in just one song ♪

♪ But I'll try
I made up "brave new world," "puppy dog" ♪

♪ "Merry as the day is long"
"Wild goose chase," "bated breath" ♪

♪ "One fell swoop," "bump," "dawn"
"Kill with kindness," "break the ice" ♪

♪ Both from Taming of the Shrew
Hamlet chipped in "heart of hearts" ♪

♪ And "to thine own self be true" ♪

♪ Look it all up in prose or verse ♪

♪ I was the one who wrote it first ♪

♪ I made up "gossip," "swagger"
And "lie low" ♪

♪ "As pure as driven snow"
"As luck would have it," "heart of gold" ♪

♪ "Eat me out of house and home"
"Quarrelsome," "strange bedfellows" ♪

♪ "Cold-blooded," "fancy free"
"Good riddance," "cruel to be kind" ♪

♪ "Bloodstained"
And "it's all Greek to me" ♪

♪ Look it all up in prose or verse ♪

♪ I was the one who wrote it first ♪

We know how Ron's Rap Room works.
What'd we learn on today's episode?

Uh, Shakespeare and King Tut
left gems.

Tut left actual gems,
Shakespeare's works were precious.

I learned when writing about emotions,
plays are relatable centuries later.

"Bury yourself
in a gold box with cats

and you'll be famous forever."
That's all.

Ron, if I could have one last soliloquy?

No. You're not in your wig.

-Here's a wig. This'll do. Ahem.
-Okay.

Shakespeare was a man of the theater,
but King Tut's life was theater.

He playacted the role of king and god,
a 24-hour pageant.

Even after his death, the show went on,

as his unearthed body
was taken on a world tour for millions,

for truly, all the world is a stage,

and we just the poor players,
whether--

Oh, hey, there. I'm Amelia Earhart.

-World-famous pilot?
-World-famous?

When I broke records,
everybody knew my name.

Mm, well, we just learned
that the only way

to get famous is to bury yourself
in a gold box with cats.

I doubt that.
Becoming a pioneer will do the trick.

You do you,
I'm off to the gold box and cat store.

Toodle-loo.

How did the show go?

It was so inspiring.
The theater can do so much now.

I wish I could've found the audience.
Were they behind us?

Favorite part?

Being reminded I made the right choice
leaving the glove shop.

There'd be no show about
"Shakespeare: Finger-warmer."

- Any last words for the fans?
- Go see Romeo and Juliet.

It's playing somewhere near you.
It's got kissing in it.

How was the show?

I loved it. Much easier way
to tell my story than hieroglyphics.

Favorite part?

Least favorite was finding out
how mummies are made.

They took my brain?
No wonder I get headaches.

How was an episode
with Shakespeare?

Nice guy.
Doesn't wear enough gold headdresses.

So, what's next for King Tut?

I'll be in a glass case
in a museum in Egypt.

Say hi. Heh. I won't talk back, though.

I'm not being rude.
I'm a mummy.

All the world's a stage.
You can use that.

John.

It's just you and me, gloves.
You can use that.

You can use that.

You can use that.

Imagine, wanting to do theater.

There must be a ticket for me.
Look under Q for "Queen Elizabeth."

Oh, try the First.

Queen Elizabeth I.
I'm in a later episode.

Unless you're watching out of order,
in which case, wasn't I funny?

Oh, well, look at that.
Can someone give me a hand?

You can't get arrested.
I'll give you a pardon. Push me in.