The Ms. Pat Show (2021–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Ain't No Party... - full transcript

- "The Ms. Pat Show" is filmed

in front of a live
studio audience.

- The internet is a place
where pointless-ass people

get to have
pointless-ass opinions.

And no matter how many
good comments you get,

it's always one bucktooth,
musty, mildew-breath,

backward belly button-ass nigga
who gonna fuck up your day.

I don't know why we look to
other people for validation.

But sometime, that backwards
belly button-ass nigga

might have a pointless-ass
point.

[laughter and cheers]



- Oh, my god, Pat,
you having a stroke?

- My phone recognition
is broke,

and my phone is blowing up,
and I can't get in it.

- Oh, your phone
didn't recognize you?

That's technology's way of
telling you that you're old.

- Shut the fuck up.

- Good to know you ain't
sensitive about it.

- Is Mama OK?

- You don't know the answer
to that question by now?

Her phone blocked her out.

- Don't act like
you don't know me, ho!

- Oh, God, Pat, just use mine.

I'll unlock it for you.

- What the fuck are you doing?
- Making myself look good.



My phone ain't about
to clown me.

- What are you looking for, Ma?

- Somebody posted that video
of me dog-walking the shit

out of Tony Free at the studio.

- Dang,
you're doing numbers, Ma.

Pretty soon,
you gonna get recognized

at the grocery store.

- Mm-hmm, and not because
they got your picture up

for forging checks this time.

- Wow, look at all
those comments.

Ooh. "Ms. Pat is funny AF."

- Damn right she is.

- "Ms. Pat dropped Phony Free
right in the dollar bin."

- Damn right she did.

- "What up, Ms. Pat?

What that old mouth do,
though?"

- Sit yo ass down!

I'm gonna read that shit
in private.

- ♪ Come on,
it's time to go ♪

♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪

- Hey, baby,

you coming to
my company's karaoke night

Friday, right?

I gotta RSVP.

Oh, come on, baby.

Hey, you know what?

Look, I'll invite Denise, too.
It'll be fun.

- What's fun about
watching drunk people

fuck up good music?

- Nah, baby girl,
I only work with good people.

- Boy, good people can't sing.

R. Kelly, Michael Jackson,
Elvis, Chris Brown--

- Hey, well, look, look.

See, that is my buddy, Frank.

You met him.

And that is my boss, Max.

- Wait a minute,
you got a Black boss?

- Oh, yeah.

He's pretty cool, too,
so long as you don't

ask him about his family.
- Wait a minute.

Slow your scroll. Go back.
- What? What? What?

- Who is this young bitch
with her arms

around you with no bra on?

- She's not wearing a bra?

- Oh, really?
You don't see them titties?

Either you're lying
or you're blind.

I can see that shit from space,
Terry.

- Hey, whoa--now, baby,
I don't be never

noticing nothing like that.

Uh-uh, I keep my eyes up here,
you know?

I'm never looking anywhere
lower than that.

- I didn't know you worked
with good-looking women,

especially in a factory.

I was expecting beer guts
and booty crack.

- [laughs]
There's some women down there

that look like that.

- Nigga, I look like that.
- Hey.

Look, now, you ain't never
looked like that a day

in your life,
so stop it, all right?

Now, I already promised Max
that you'd come.

And he actually hit me up
about that video

that's been going around
about you

because he's dying to meet you.

- So now, you want me
to kiss your boss ass?

- Nah,

but you can sniff it
a little bit.

Look, baby, oh,
it's very important

that we get in good with him,
all right?

That supervisor position
is opening up,

and I deserve that job.

That's big money.

- Yeah, it's my fault that
you gotta work that hard.

That damn comedy tour money was
gonna really set us up nice.

- Hey, baby, at least you got
some attention from it, huh?

- You right.

And look at all these comments
they said about me.

They think I'm funny as hell.

- Hey, hey, hey, now, you be
careful reading all that,

all right?

You gotta take the good
with the bad.

- No, they like my ass.

Look.

Wait a minute, let me see that.
- Uh--

- What?
- Nothing, baby.

Baby, let's just focus
on the good comments.

- "Ms. Pat look like
a plantation mammy."

Do I look like that?

- Can I answer it after
you take that bandana off?

Look, look, look, baby,
baby, baby--

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
I'm just playing.

I'm just playing.

I don't know why you would
read that mess anyways.

Who cares what some old
thumb bullies be typing up?

- I care.
You think I'm the only woman

on Earth
that don't be stressing

about the way she look?

- I told you to stop reading
all this hateration, girl.

- Do you know that today,
my damn phone

wouldn't even let me in?

My iPhone think
I'm getting old, Terry.

Fuck it, I'm not going out
to no karaoke party

with them young bitches with
them titties that sit upright.

- Hey, hey--
- They gonna laugh at me.

- Wait, look, wait,
would you stop, OK?

Baby, you're a beautiful,
strong, sexy woman, Pat.

- That's not what
DickerLicker69 think.

[doorbell rings]

- What's good, Elizabeth?

- My privilege.

Oh, I just got out of
three speeding tickets.

But that's not why I'm here.

I was wondering
if I can use your living room

for a fill and chill party
that I'm having.

- What the hell
is a fill and chill party?

- It's a party
where you get to chill,

and I fill you with fillers.

I'm getting my house painted
tomorrow,

and it's too late to cancel.

It'll just be
for a couple of hours.

I will shoot those ladies up
and be right out of your way.

- Oh, we got records.

We can't be nowhere
white womens get shot up at.

- What if I throw in free
injections for you and Pat?

- Girl, we are Black.

We don't need no fillers.

We age gracefully
'cause God loves us more.

- You'll still ask Pat
for me though, right?

- Yes, I will ask her.

- Oh, please, and thank you.

- Mm-hmm.
- Ooh, I can't wait.

- Yeah, neither can those
gullible, goofy bitches

that's gonna let you
do that shit.

- Oh, hey, Ashley.

- Hey, Elizabeth.

- Hey, what's wrong with you?

- Look at this.

- Ooh, who is that?

That is a beautiful ring.

- That's Tanika's new fiancée.

- Now why'd she give her
that ugly-ass ring?

- She's engaged to the trick
she was cheating on me with.

- That little stud stealer.

- I can't believe
she would do this.

Any time I ever brought up
marriage to her,

she always acted like
she wasn't into it.

- Well, not with you,
apparently.

- Wow. Thanks, Auntie.
So inspirational.

- Oh, OK, wait, wait.

Sit down.

Listen, I know you not gonna
let that girl distract you

from your own life.

I thought you was over that.

You came out here,
you started a whole new life.

Focus on that.

I mean, wasn't you just talking
about a new girl

you met last week?

- I mean, yeah, but she's not
what I normally go after.

- Well, what you normally
go after is some bullshit.

You need to try something new.

You said she was sweet
and adventurous.

That's what you need right now.

I'm just glad to see you
getting back on the horse.

[laughs] Or in your case,
the mechanical bull.

- You know what?
You're right, Auntie.

I keep dating the same girl,
getting the same outcome.

Maybe I need to try
something different.

- Exactly.

So you gonna see her again?
- Yeah.

Actually, we about
to hit up Taco Tuesday.

- Oh, great.
Make sure you wear a bib,

since you gonna be
eating pussy.

- Why is everything about sex
with this family?

We really going to get tacos.

- Mm-hmm.
Whatever you say.

- So nasty.

Oh, my good God.

- Why you got all them colors
on your face?

- I went down to the mall
for that girl to do my makeup.

She said she was gonna
contour my face,

and hide a little chin,
and highlight my cheekbones.

- Well, you look
like you fell off

the illiterate Reading Rainbow.

- Yeah, I'mma go, 'cause this
giving Pennywise the clown,

and it's messing
with my appetite.

Thanks, Auntie.
Bye, Denise.

- Where she going?
- To eat tacos.

- You know you can tell me
she going to eat pussy, right?

- OK, Pat, what led
to this makeover?

Or make-under, I should say.

- The bigger my video
get online,

the more people
talking shit about me.

And for some reason,
I can't stop reading it.

- OK, well, what kind of
mean shit they saying?

Let me hear one.

- "Ms. Pat look like
a plantation mammy."

- [chuckles, coughing]

That's terrible, Pat.

Let me hear another one.

- "Bitch look like Ice Cube
from the nose up."

- [laughs]

- Stop laughing.

- Oh, come on, Pat.

You could do it,
put your back into it.

- Shit got me messed up.

And Terry down at the job
with young girls

hugging on him with no bras on.

- Oh, Pat, now you got to work
on your self-esteem.

You know you fine.

- I don't know shit.

- Pat, you are an unknown
Black woman telling the truth

about a famous Black man.

They gonna call you
everything in the book.

Black people will believe that
sneezing was invented in a lab

before they believe
that a Black legend

did some dirty shit.

- But what if they right?

- Well, I mean,
if you really want

to tighten
what nature loosened,

maybe some fillers
wouldn't hurt.

- I'm not letting nobody
stick no needles in my face.

Whatever happened
to Black don't crack?

- Well, it don't crack,

but the foundation does shift
just a little.

Listen, the only reason
I bring it up

is because Elizabeth wants
to have a filler party here.

And if you let her,
we can get free injections.

- I don't know about all that.

- "Ms. Pat--
if she was a movie,

she'd be
'The Five Heart Failures.'"

- I'm coming, Elizabeth!

- [laughs]
- Yes, sir.

- Like that, baby?
- Yes.

- Yeah?

[laughs] Man, I didn't know
having your girl come to work

could be so much fun.
- And sexy.

I love watching you dance.

I can tell you're
passionate about it.

- Yeah, something like that.

- Anybody ever tell you
how proud they are of you?

- I'm a stripper that lives
in his mother's basement.

What do you think?

- Mm, what am I gonna
do with you?

- Girl, whatever you want.
- Mm.

Can I propose
something to you?

- It's a little early
in the relationship

to talk about proposals,
don't you think?

- [laughs] Not that.

Brandon, I'm a pansexual.

- Like, you be having sex
with pots?

- No.

A pansexual is someone
who's attracted to anyone,

no matter the gender--

emotionally,

romantically, sexually--

- And with pots?

- No pots, no pans.

I met somebody.

I really like their vibe.

And I think I want them
to join us in bed.

What do you think?

- Call me Peter
to your pan, then.

- Good.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

- Aight, bet.

- Hey, bro.

- Hey, listen,
I think my girl wants me

to have a threesome with her.
- Nice, boy.

- Yeah.
- I had a threesome once.

Let's just say dude's
aim was off, though.

To this day, I still can't
use lotion if it squirt.

[door shuts]

- Hi, can I have
everyone's attention?

Thank you all for coming.

Oh, and I want to make
a special, special thank you

to Pat for hosting.

[light applause]

- Yeah, it's been a long time
since I let people

use needles in my house.

But Elizabeth's good people.

- Oh, thank you, homie.

Now, ladies, you are about
to experience a miracle

in the world of beauty.

It is the ToxFill.

That's right,
the ToxFill is filled

with more toxins than a Flint,
Michigan, drinking fountain.

- And they water
still ain't clean.

- And all these things
come together

to give you an ultimately
magical, smoother look.

- Ooh.

- Toxic?

They putting poison
in they face?

- So you didn't know that
fillers had toxins in 'em?

- Girl, don't play with me.

You just realized paying
your taxes at the store

ain't paying your taxes.

- Now, all we have to do
is stick the needle

into her forehead, like so.

- She playing tic-tac-toe
on that bitch head.

- Just trying to get
all the hotspots.

- She got T-Mobile?

- Voila.

She is smoother
than a baby's booty.

- She is smooth

as a one-armed nigga's nub.

- Real smooth.

Her forehead look like
my inner thighs

after I've been walking
on a treadmill.

- OK, I think we should
roll up in Terry's job

looking extra fierce

and scare them young bitches
into confusion.

- You ain't said
nothing but a word.

both: We doing this shit.

[knocking on door]

[romantic R&B playing]

♪ ♪

- What took you so long?

- Wow, no girl's ever
asked me that before.

- [laughs] Come on.

You sure you ready for this?

- [scoffs]
What? Girl, come on.

I'm a grown man, all right?

Shoot, what you talking about?

[laughs]

Baby, where's the
little boy's room?

- Gray door.
- OK.

- Mm, mm, mm.

Whew.

You sure you want to do this?

- Yes, I just need
to calm my nerves.

You got anything
stronger than this?

- In the kitchen.

After my breakup,
I promised myself

I would have less boundaries,
be more open-minded.

- Well, your mind ain't
the only thing I want to open.

Oh, you're gonna love his
little outfit I picked out.

- His?
What do you mean, his?

I thought this was a she.

- She?
Oh, no, baby, it's a he.

But he got soft features.

- Wha--what?

Uh-uh, no.

I am a lesbian, gold star.

I thought you were too.

You didn't say you were bi.

- Isn't everybody?
- [scoffs]

What in the hell?
- Oh, hell no!

- Wait,
you two know each other?

both:
Yeah, that's my brother!

- I'm your sister, fool.

- Sorry, the blood done
rushed to my other head.

- Y'all related?

Oh, so I guess
the threesome is a no.

- It's a hell no.

- It's a fuck no.

- Ew.

When'd you get a tattoo
on your ass?

- No!

Mm-mm,
we not starting there.

How did this happen?

When did you start
seeing Romona?

- [scoffs] Romona?

I know her as RoRo.

- Great, go-go.

- Fine, look, she came into the
strip club, all right?

She was very direct
and a little bit aggressive,

but in the best way.

I mean, every man's fantasy,
really.

And plus...
[exhales]

That ass.

- Ramona wasn't like that
with me.

She was tender,
patient, hilarious.

[laughs] And plus...
[exhales]

That ass.
- Mm-hmm.

- Ugh! This is some bullshit.

I cannot believe I had to see
your scrawny ass half-naked.

- Well, I can't believe
I had to see you half-naked,

with your thighs all out,

looking like you ain't got
no mama.

- I really thought
she was special.

I've never had a girl listen
to me the way she did.

- Man, I know, right?

Oh, and the way that woman
cooked just so--

- Wait, she cooked for you?

- Yeah, she ain't cook for you?

- No, but did she write a song
on her guitar for you?

- Ha.
RoRo ain't got no guitar.

- Yeah, RoRo do-do.

- Damn, I want a song.

I know it's good.

- And I want a meal.

I know it tastes good.

- Man, I swear I be falling
for that girl.

- Me, too.

Sucks we gotta
break up with her.

- We?

This must be one of
your new pronouns,

'cause I ain't
breaking up with her.

- Excuse me?

- Look, you said it yourself
that she's amazing.

- She is, but--

- So if you're giving her up,
then she is mine.

- Uh-uh, hold up.
That ain't fair.

- Come on, Ashley, you just said
that you were gonna end it.

- Well, maybe I changed my mind.

- OK, you know what?
We'll see about that.

I'm gonna go see RoRo.

- Well, I'm going to see Ramona.

- Fine.
May the best sibling win.

- Oh, I will.
- Ow.

Why you doing it so hard?
Wait, where you going?

- Why you moving fast?
- Why you moving fast?

- Why you moving fast?
- Why you moving fast?

- Ladies first, Brandon.

- Oh, you're gonna pull
the ladies card now?

You the man in the relationship.

[laughter]

- So where's Pat?

- Well, you know, I think she
wanted to make an entrance.

- Ah.
Oh, girl, you look incredible.

What did you do?

- Calm your ass down.

You act like I look like Shrek.

- [laughs]
No, I'm just saying, baby,

you look like
you turned back time.

- Well, I had a little
confidence problem,

but I'm back on track now.

- Well, I'm glad you
got back on track.

You took my breath away walking
through that door, girl.

- And I didn't even have
to take off my damn bra.

- [laughs]

Oh, here comes my boss, Max.

Now remember, whatever you do,
do not talk about his life,

especially his family.

The brother's
walking trauma porn.

Once he gets started,
the tragedy train

does not stop, hmm?

- OK, well, the man don't
look like no tragedy to me.

He cute.
- Welcome, Team Terry.

Now, everybody singing
tonight, you hear?

So don't waste my money
on this karaoke machine.

No one gets out of this room
without performing.

And just to let you know,

I'm doing all Bobby Brown songs

'cause that's my prerogative.

- Oh, my God, I love Bobby.

- Oh, hold up now,
pretty little girl.

I'm gonna have to ask you
to cool it now.

- Oh, well, shit,
don't be cruel.

You know I'm just trying
to rock with you.

- Finally, a woman who speaks
Bobby as fluently as I do.

- [laughs] Hey, as long as
y'all don't start

"humping around," am I right?

- Uh, no.

And how about you, Mrs. Carson?

- Mm, mm--
- Now, I know

how hilarious you are.

Are you gonna
step up on that stage

and grace us with
a performance?

- Denise.

- Oh, my God, Pat,
you don't look so good.

Let's go to the bathroom
and put some cold water on it.

- If that shit don't work,
I'm gonna whup Elizabeth ass.

- I didn't offend her, did I?

- No, no, you ain't offend her,
brother.

But listen, I heard about
this supervisor position--

- OK, well, that was weird.

DJ, put on "Every Little Step"

in the key of C.

That's right, and make it funky.

Let's get this party started.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. Ho!
Ho!

Let's go.

- I can't move anything--
my eyes, my lips.

Shit, I can barely blink.

I think my face done
stopped working.

- Girl, you must have
had an allergic reaction

to the ToxFill.

- The fuck?
- What?

- You look like
a mean old lion.

- Aw.

Oh, put 'em up. Put 'em up.

[notification chimes]

- Holy shit,
this is Terry texting me.

His boss is asking
what's up with us.

- Well, what's up with us
is we came in here

looking like some bad bitches,
and now,

we just look bad, bitch.

- Tonight is a big night
for Terry.

He really want to get that
promotion from his boss, Max.

- What are we gonna do?

- I guess we're gonna
have to face the music.

- With that face.

- Fuck you looking at, bitch?

- ♪ Be together ♪

- ♪ Every little step I take,
you will be there ♪

♪ Every little step I make
will be together ♪

♪ Every little step I take,
you will be there ♪

♪ Every little step I make ♪
Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

- Come on, Pat.

The least you could do
is have a little fun.

- I can't even move my face,

so you know I'm not about to
move my ass.

- Girl, that's why you
need to move your ass--

to distract from your face.

- And you need to stay away
from Terry's boss.

- [laughs]
Please, I don't work here.

I will ride his ass
like Six Flags.

- There you are, girl.

Hey, is everything
all right, huh?

Oh, my good God.

Baby, what the hell
happened to you?

You fall into a beehive
or something?

- No, I got fillers today.

And I had an allergic reaction.

- Fillers?

Why on Earth--

Denise, why did my wife get--

[stammering]

- Why you got to
put the blame on me?

- Well, everybody put your hands
together

for our next singers,
Terry and Pat.

[applause]

- What? What make you think
I want to sing?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey,
Max, man, look, we good.

Why don't you go on
and pick somebody else?

- No, no, no, no,
don't be like that.

Now, nobody leaves this room
without singing a song.

Now, Terry, you a team player,
aren't you?

Well, because I do make all
of my personnel decisions

based on how well you do
at karaoke.

Nah, I'm just playing.
I'm just playing.

I'm just playing--
or am I?

- Come on, Terry,
be a team player.

- Look, baby, one song,

and then I can go talk to this
man about the promotion, huh?

- One song.

This promotion
better be worth it.

- All right, come on,
come on, come on--

- My arm is getting heavy.
It's getting very heavy--

- [chuckles]

- ♪ You're the first, the last ♪

♪ My everything ♪

♪ And the answer
to all of my dreams ♪

♪ You're my sun ♪

♪ My moon ♪

♪ My guiding star ♪

Hey!
♪ My kind of wonderful ♪

♪ That's what you are ♪

♪ I know ♪

- I know.
- ♪ There's only one like you ♪

- ♪ One like you ♪

- ♪ There's no way ♪

♪ They could only make two ♪

- ♪ Make two, make two,
make two ♪

- ♪ You're all I'm living for ♪

♪ Your love,
I'll keep forevermore ♪

♪ You're the first,
my last, my everything ♪

[sparking]
Oh!

- What the fuck?

What happened?

- The--the machine went out.

- Well, no damn duh, Sherlock.

Oh, I wanted tonight
to be perfect.

Now what are we gonna do?

You know papa gets cranky
when he can't sing his Bobby.

- Great.
Now, he's pissed,

right when I was getting ready
to talk to him

about that damn promotion.

Damn!

- Uh, excuse me,

where do you think you're going
looking like that?

- I think you missed the part
where you mind your business,

rewind, and pause.

- OK, but why are you
looking like that, though?

- Like what?

- Like a nasty.

- Good, 'cause when Ramona
sees me in this dress,

she won't even think
about Brandon.

- You and Brandon are chasing
the same girl?

[scoffs] I don't know whether
to laugh in your face

or puke in it.

- She didn't know
we were related.

So now, I'm giving her
a choice--him or me.

- Wow. Uh...
[chuckles]

I thought you were better
than that.

- Than what?

- Than this.

- [sighs] Oh, my God.

This isn't me.

What am I doing?
This is dumb.

I have a degree
in psychology,

and I'm competing with the dude
who gets confused

when we play Uno
with more than one card.

[sighs]

- You know,
maybe you're still hurting

from what Tanika did to you.

- Maybe you're right.

When did you start being right
about things?

I think getting cheated on

really did a number
on my self-esteem.

- Yeah, I get it, but

I mean, you shouldn't be
competing for anyone.

You're a catch, sis.

I don't think this is about
that girl or, God help us,

Brandon.

This is about you learning
to like yourself again.

- It absolutely is.

Wow, Bug,
you sure you don't want

to go into psychology too?

- Aw, hey, you can learn
a lot of stuff on TikTok.

It's not all just
girls in sports bras

pointing at words.

- [laughs]

- I just got off the phone
with RoRo.

Gonna head over.

I'm surprised
you're not there now.

- Nah, good luck to you.

I am bowing out
of this competition.

- So you're just giving up
without a fight?

- No, she just realized that
anybody that would like you

is probably trash.

- Hmm, so victory is mine.

I get RoRo.

- I give you RoRo.
Don't rub it in.

- OK, look, that's cool.

I'm just happy.

Because she's already
hooking up another threesome.

And I know for a fact this
person don't share my DNA.

[laughs]

I'mma tap it for you.

both: Trash.

- Denise, get over here.

Look, could you go over there
and flirt with him

or some shit,
and make the nigga happy?

- OK, well, Papa is cute,
and he got money.

So I'll do more
than lift his spirits.

I got you, Terr Bear.

Hey--hey there, Papa.

Just 'cause the music stop
don't mean that we have to.

- Oh, is that right?
- Mm.

- Well, I would love
to get to know you better

and beat up the man
who's been hitting on you.

- Oh, no,

you're the only man
I let hit on me.

- Oh--
- And not in that way,

'cause I will beat the fuck
out of you.

[laughs]
But enough about me.

I mean, where are you from?

Tell me about your family.

[people groaning]

- My mom got the dementia.

She don't even know
who I am anymore.

I had to put her in a home.

And I thought
she'd hate me for it,

but like I said, she don't even
know who I am anymore,

so she really don't give a damn.

- Thanks again, Denise.

- I said I'm sorry.

- When my mama got
her second stroke,

well, that's about the same time
that my wife left me.

She took the cats with her,
took all four of 'em.

And then that's when
my old homegirl,

tequila, entered the chat.

- Is this man still going?

Hell, I'm gonna
need a tequila, too.

And I don't even drink.

Fuck this.

Denise, help me out.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, excuse me,
what are you doing?

- Driving the boat.

She can't drink
because of the fillers.

- Oh, my God, I was wondering
what the hell

was going on with your faces.

Can I ask?
You are so beautiful.

Why would you need fillers?

- Because somebody was
saying mean stuff about me

on the internet.

- Why do we do this
to ourselves?

I had my armpit hairs
removed because my boyfriend

was freaking out about it.

And I didn't say anything
about his inverted areolas.

- Right, I mean,

women gotta go through
all this

when we gotta accept men
for who they are,

even when they show up looking
like bloated bags of shit.

- And you know what?
They get all that work done,

and they still don't look good.

They look like fucking
frozen ThunderCats.

- Now that's the comedian
I know, right there.

Come on, Pat, get up onstage.

- I ain't doing that shit.

- Oh, come on, Pat.

Come on, please, for me.

Well, if not for me,
then,

for my mama.

- Hey, hey, hey,
hey, go for it, baby. Come on.

- I don't know
his fucking mama.

- Come on.

- My sister and me got
fillers today, y'all.

That's why we look like
we've been sucking on lemons.

Anyone else ever had
some shit done before?

Tell the truth.
I see you in here.

I already knew that about you.

We should own our flaws, y'all,
just like these men.

Look at John old ass
over there.

White man so wrinkled, look
like a wet set of nuts.

He got so many wrinkles in his
face, if he started crying,

the shit wouldn't hit his chin
for two weeks.

And Craig,
with your potbelly ass.

Look at him.

Well, he don't even know
he's a boy.

Somebody need to unzip his
pants and show him his dick.

If we keep changing our face,
when Jesus comes back,

he ain't even gonna
recognize none of us.

And you might look like a nigga
who stabbed a baby.

And now, that baby stabber is
gonna get your angel wings.

That's my time.
I'm Ms. Pat.

[applause]

- [laughs]
Ah, muah.

- Too bad I can't feel that.

- Aw, I love you, baby,
just as you are.

I don't give a damn what no
random people on the internet

think,
and you shouldn't either, hmm?

You are beautiful, baby.

Receive that.

- OK, I receive it.

- All right, all right.

By the way, I think
Max loved you tonight.

- Yeah,
what about that promotion

he gonna give you?
- I know.

Believe me,
I'm working on it, OK?

- Ooh, Ms. Pat,
you saved the night.

I'm happy that damn
karaoke machine went out.

- Me, too, and what about
that damn promotion

you're supposed to give
my damn husband?

- Hey, hey, Pat, Pat,
what you doing, baby?

Wait, hold on--

- I'm trying to get us
more money.

- Yeah--
- This motherfucker in

this "Billie Jean" jacket.

He got all the money.
- Whoa, OK, OK.

She doesn't mean--

- You know what?

She might look like the Klan
tried to lynch her,

but she got a point.

Terry, you and me,

we talk in the morning.

[knocking on door]

[smooth R&B music]

- Ooh, I'm glad
you came to your senses.

- I'm finna come
to your senses next.

It made sense in my head.

- Are you ready
to meet our third?

- Oh, hell yeah, baby.

Who else you invite
to the party?

- Let's get it popping,
Brandon!

No eye contact, don't sweat
on me, and watch your aim.

Come here, girl.

Hey, hey, hey, you ready?

You ready?
You ready?

- Hey, look, I--

I think I'm gonna go home
and fuck a pot.

- What?
- I'm leaving.

- How I'm supposed
to run the train

without the caboose, man?

[funky music]

- ♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And she don't take
no stuff ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman,
and you can't get enough ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman
with family and kids ♪

♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪

♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪