The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 7, Episode 6 - The Romance Resonance - full transcript

The anniversary of Howard and Bernadette's first date is approaching, and Howard wants to do something special and romantic for the occasion, namely write a song for her which he wants to perform for her with the help of their friends. This gesture makes Penny come to the realization that with the exception of having sex with him, she does nothing romantic for Leonard ever, while he does romantic things for her all the time. She tries to come up with her first ever romantic gesture to make Leonard feel good. But what she ends up doing doesn't quite have the effect she wants, while romance has been sitting in her closet all along. Meanwhile, Sheldon has been zoned out of all his friends' goings-on while he works on something. That something ends up being a breakthrough, namely the discovery of how to synthesize a new, stable super heavy element. This discovery takes the scientific world by storm. After receiving all this well deserved attention, Sheldon discovers that the attention is not well deserved as he made an error in his calculation based on misreading a table, meaning that he accidentally stumbled across his discovery rather than came by it from a purely scientific standpoint. Sheldon has to decide if his error will make him feel bad about what he nonetheless accomplished.

What are you
working on?

Can't talk.
In the zone.

Do you know
what he's doing?

Could be anything.

Last time he was like this,
he figured out

electron transport in graphene.

The time before that,
he was making a list

of who's allowed in his
tree fort if fe ever gets one.

Still can't believe
I didn't make the cut.

Uh, Sheldon,
you want to take a break?

Your food's ready.

No, no,
what are you doing?

He's both happy and quiet.

It's like seeing a unicorn
and Bigfoot at the same time.

Sorry we're so late.

Bernadette got
stuck at work.

Great news!

A raccoon virus just
crossed the species barrier

and now can infect humans!

Why is that great news?

In the pharmaceutical business,
we have a saying:

"Mo' infections, mo' money."


Maybe you want to wash

your little raccoon
hands first.

Oh, calm down.

If I had it,
I'd be dead already.

Guys, listen up.

Can't listen, zone.

Also don't care.

Next week is the anniversary

of my first date
with Bernadette.

Really don't care.

I want to do something special,

and I was hoping
you guys could be a part of it.

Aw, what horrible thing

are you trying
to make up for?

Just putting something
in the bank

for what horrible thing
I do next.


Look, she's gonna be back
any second, so here's the deal:

I'm writing a song,
and I was hoping

we could all play it
for her together.

Oh, I love that.

That is so beautiful.


When did we get to
The Cheesecake Factory?

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x06 ♪
The Romance Resonance
Original Air Date on October 24, 2013

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

It's really sweet what Howard
wants to do for Bernadette.


Hey, how come you've never
done anything romantic

to celebrate
our first date?

Well, for starters, you've
broken up with me so many times,

which first date
are we talking about?

Ooh, somebody call
the burn ward.

And back to the zone.

And besides, I do romantic
things for you all the time.

Can you even name

one romantic thing
you've done for me?

I can name tons.

Sex doesn't count.

I know, what about
that bed-and-breakfast?

Well, I took you there.

All you did was...

I know what I did.

I bet they had to throw
out that rocking chair.

You know, I can be
romantic if I want to.

It's fine.

And also not true.

Okay, just you
wait and see.

I'm gonna romance
your freakin' ass off.

That's beautiful.

Is that Shakespeare?



He'll figure it out when
he falls off the roof.

Sheldon, I know
you're in the zone,

but do you
want some tea?

All right, I can't believe
I'm gonna say this,

but you haven't
spoken in hours

and I'm starting
to get worried.

Please say something.

Leonard, prepare
to be humbled

and weep at the glory
of my genius.

Nope, it was better before.

Look at it.

I feel like my mind
just made a baby.

And it's beautiful.

It's not like human babies,

which are loud
and covered in goop.

Holy crap, Sheldon,

did you just
figure out a method

for synthesizing a new stable
super-heavy element?

Did I?

Well, that can't
be right.

No one's ever done that before.

Except me,
because I just did it!

♪ Sheldon and
his brain-- yeah! ♪

♪ Sheldon and his brain--
yeah! ♪

♪ Sheldon and
his brain-- yeah! ♪

♪ Sheldon and
his brain-- yeah! ♪

♪ Sheldon
and his brain... ♪

Yeah, definitely better before.

So I'm almost done writing
the song for Bernadette.

Are you cool
playing the cello?

If by "cool" you mean
"willing to," yes.

If by "cool"
you mean "cool,"

clearly you've never
seen me play the cello.

Will you play the ukulele?

Of course. I'd be happy
to shred it on my ax.

Or you could just play
your tiny, ridiculous guitar.

Fine. I will
melt her heart.

And her face!


Uh, no doubt you heard about
my little breakthrough.

Now, if your plan

is to hoist me
on your shoulders

and carry me around the
cafeteria, please refrain.

I don't care
for heights,

motion sickness

or the thought of your necks
touching my buttocks.

congratulations, Sheldon.

Yeah, I read
your paper online.

That technique for creating
a new heavy element is inspired.

Oh, well, thank you.

Believe it or not,

I just learned
a Chinese research team

at the Hubei Institute
for Nuclear Physics

ran a test on a cyclotron,

and the results were
extremely promising.

that's incredible.

Yeah, I know! They called it
the greatest thing

since the Communist party.

Although I'm pretty sure that

the Communist party
made them say that.

I like China.

See, they know how to keep
people in line.

So, what happens next?

Oh, more testing,
more success, more fame.

But don't worry,

I will remain the same
down-to-earth humble Joe

I've always been.

- Good to know.
- Yeah.

Now give me
that cookie;

I discovered an element.

Thank you so much
for coming.

You called the right person.

I believe I have
the perfect romantic evening

for you to give Leonard.

Okay, good,
'cause I've been

really struggling
with this.

As I'm sure you're aware,

the quickest way to a man's
heart is through his...

Pants, but Leonard says
sex doesn't count.

Oh. You poor thing.

You have one arrow
in your quiver,

and you just can't use it.

Fortunately, another
pathway to a man's heart

is through his stomach.

I don't know if
I want to cook for him;

he's kind of a picky eater.

I mean,
"It's too salty.

"It's too dry.

It's too burnt and frozen
at the same time."

Wait, come on,

what else would
sweep you off your feet?

Well, I've always had
this fantasy

that involves dancing.

The sexual chemistry

between my partner and me
is electric.

But boy, oh, boy,

does my father not approve

until he sees us
in the big dance competition.

Okay, that's just
the plot for Dirty Dancing.

What else would you love?

Other than being lifted over
Patrick Swayze's head.

Oh! Oh, uh, you could, uh,
stand outside his window

with a boom box in the air.

That's from Say Anything.

Look, I'm a lonely guy;
I watch a lot of movies.

Look, Penny, if you truly
want to be romantic,

it needs to come
from you.

I get that,
but why is this so hard?

Well, you've probably
never had to do this stuff

'cause you're
young and beautiful

and men have always thrown
themselves at you.


Yeah, I'm trying
to be sad about that.

I can't.

Let's see,
what's next?

Okay! Here.

This is
the Magic Marker

I was using when
I made the discovery.

I don't think the Smithsonian's
gonna want your marker.

And that's why you're not
on a list for my tree fort.

Ooh, guess who's
getting an article

written about him
in Physics Today?

I'll give you a hint.

You measured the diameter of
his suspicious mole yesterday.

Sheldon, I'm so proud of you.

Well, you should be.

My discovery is
spreading like wildfire.

Unlike my mole,
which is holding steady

at the size of
a navy bean.

What's next?

This is
the very copy

of The Handbook of
Chemistry and Physics

in which I looked up
the reaction rates

of mendelevium and...

And what?

No, no, no, no.

What's wrong?

I've made a horrible mistake.

What are you talking about?

This table--
it's in square centimeters.

I read it as square meters.

You know what that means?

That Americans can't handle
the metric system?

Amy, I was off by
a factor of 10,000.

But the Chinese team
found the element.

Yeah, well, they shouldn't have.

My calculations were wrong.

There must be some resonance

between the elements
I didn't know about.

So you just got lucky?

Sheldon Cooper
does not get lucky!

You and me both, brother.

It doesn't matter.

The element was found
because of you,

and that's groundbreaking.

What matters is

the greatest
scientific achievement

of my life is
based on a blunder.

I'm not a genius,
I'm a fraud.

You know, Sheldon,
in neuroscience,

we're forever finding something
in one part of the brain

that we thought was
someplace else.

Oh, great.

Now I'm worse
than a fraud.

I'm practically
a biologist.

You got to stop beating
yourself up over this.

I mean, you made a mistake,
but it was a happy mistake.

There's nothing happy about it.

I'm being given credit
that I don't deserve.

Oh, people get things
they don't deserve all the time.

Look at me with you.

No, Leonard,
this is going to haunt me

for the rest of my life.

Every science classroom,

every periodic table,
every textbook--

this mistake will be
staring back at me

Like that time you let
Koothrappali wax your eyebrows.

I've got to find a way
to stop this thing.

Buddy, I don't
think you can.

I mean, once it's out there,
it's out there.

This thing is like the science
equivalent of a sex tape.

You know, frankly,
I'd prefer a sex tape.

You don't know
what a sex tape is, do you?


Make sure you guys get
to the restaurant by 8:00.

Bernadette's meeting
me there at 8:30

and I don't want to blow the surprise.
We'll be there.

Got it.

Now, uh, I have a question
about the song.

I was thinking
at some point

I could bust out
a little rap.


Come on, come on, you
haven't even heard it yet.

give me a beat.

I will not.


No, I want this
to be romantic.

It will be!

I don't call
anyone a ho,

and the only time I use
the phrase "my bitch,"

I'm referring to you.

There he is!

Stop it.

Stop celebrating me!


And no woos!

Oh, not you, Dr. Woo.
You're fine.

I want you all to know

that you have no reason
to applaud me.

My so-called

wasn't the result of my genius.

It was nothing more than
a boneheaded mistake.

So please refrain

from praising me for it
in the future.

Wh... I don't understand.

They didn't find the element?

Oh, no, they found the element.

No, no, stop it!

I don't need
to take this admiration

from the likes
of you people!

How do I make them
stop loving me?

Invite them
to live with us.

Boy, Bernadette is
gonna love this.

Yeah. It must be nice
to have someone

do something
so romantic.

Okay, you know
what's not romantic?

Rubbing it in someone's face.

Actually, it can be,

but I told you
sex doesn't count.

I'm getting worried
about Bernadette.

I'm gonna call
and check on her.

The National Science Foundation

wants to give me
a substantial grant.

Oh, that's a big deal.

I know.

When will this
nightmare end?

Hey, I get that you feel bad
about all the attention,

but still,
what you did is amazing.

We're really proud of you.

I'm not.

You're not?

Sheldon, I've been
thinking about it,

and you're right.

You don't deserve
any credit.

All you did was misread
some numbers on a table.

A very easy table, too.

Honestly, I'm
embarrassed for you.

That's the most romantic thing
I've ever heard.

Damn it, everyone's better
at this than me.

Dr. Fowler.

You just made the fort.

Guys, there w-was
an accident at Bernie's lab.

Oh, my God,
is she okay?

Yeah, but she's at
the hospital in quarantine.

Poor Bernadette.

Oh, no.

I hate to pile on the bad news,
but I just got a raise.

Oh, my God, Bernie,
what happened?

Well, let's just say
the next time you move

a dozen vials of raccoon virus
to the fridge, make two trips.

You're sure you're okay?

Yeah, it's just a precaution.

If there was a problem,

I'd be throwing up
out of my eyeballs by now.

Sorry I messed up our date.

, don't worry
about it.

I brought the
date here.

Guys, come on in.

What's all this?

Well, tonight is the anniversary
of our first date,

and I wanted to celebrate it
by writing a song for you.


get over here!

She might be contagious.

Don't you think I'm having
a rough enough day?


♪ If I didn't have you ♪

♪ Life would be blue

♪ I'd be Doctor Who
without the TARDIS ♪

Is it me, or does she not look so good?

♪ A candle without a wick

♪ A Watson without a Crick

♪ I'd be one of my outfits
without a dick-ie ♪

♪ I'd be cheese
without the mac ♪

♪ Jobs without the Wozniak

♪ I'd be solving
exponential equations ♪

♪ That use bases
not found on your calculator ♪

♪ Making it
much harder to crack ♪

♪ I'd be an atom
without a bomb ♪

♪ A dot without the com

♪ And I'd probably
still live with my mom ♪

♪ And he'd probably
still live with his mom ♪

♪ Ever since I met you,
you turned my world around ♪

♪ You supported all my dreams
and all my hopes ♪

♪ You're like uranium-235
and I'm uranium-238 ♪

♪ Almost inseparable isotopes

♪ I couldn't have imagined ♪

♪ How good my life would get

♪ From the moment

♪ That I met you

♪ Bernadette

Oh, Howie.

♪ If I didn't have you ♪

♪ Life would be dreary

♪ I'd be string theory
without any string ♪

♪ I'd be binary code
without a one ♪

♪ A cathode ray tube
without an electron gun ♪

♪ I'd be Firefly, Buffy and
Avengers without Joss Whedon ♪

♪ I'd speak a lot more Klingon ♪

♪ Heghlu'meH QaQ jajvam ♪

♪ And he'd definitely
still live with his mom ♪

♪ You turned my world around

♪ You're my best friend
and my lover ♪

♪ We're like changing
electric and magnetic fields ♪

♪ You can't have one ♪

♪ Without the other

♪ I couldn't have imagined ♪

♪ good my life would get

♪ From the moment
that I met you ♪

♪ Bernadette

♪ Oh, we couldn't
have imagined ♪

♪ How good our lives would get

♪ From the moment
that we met you ♪

♪ Bernadette.

Howie, that was amazing!

Look, I'm shaking.

She's sick,
I knew it. Bye!

I have to say,

this is the best Top Ramen
you've ever made.

I discovered
a secret ingredient:

the flavor packet.

That sucker is well named.

All right, lover boy.

Get ready, 'cause there is
a crap storm of romance

coming your way.

Stop it,
you're gonna make me cry.

All right. You seem
pretty confident.

Oh, I am.

Maybe if you follow this trail,

you'll see why.

Oh, rose petals.


The most beautiful

and shockingly expensive
of all the flowers.

You made the bed?

You really are pulling
out all the stops.

Okay, I gave this
a lot of thought,

and I finally found
something to show you

how much I love you.

Oh, wow.

It's a first edition of

Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy.

I remember it was
your favorite book growing up.

This is great.

It... thank you.

It's... so much.


Nothing. I love it.

Something's going on.
What's wrong with it?

I remember you saying
how great it would be

to have a first edition.

It's true, I-I did.

I did say that...

when we were at the used
bookstore together

and I saw the first
edition and I bought it.

Oh, my God,
I am the worst!

No, no, it's okay.
It's really thoughtful.

No, it's not! I mean...

What's thoughtful
is everything you do.

Here, you know what?
Look at this.

Look, here's the...
the plane ticket you bought me

when I was too poor
to go home for the holidays.

And the rose you left
on my windshield...

just because.

Here's the-the thank-you
letter you wrote me

after the first time
I slept with you.

All 11 pages of it.

Can't believe
you saved all this stuff.

Of course I did.

It's you.

Come here.


Is that
a pregnancy test?

Oh, yeah,
just the first one.

I didn't save them all.

I can't believe I read
this table wrong.

I blame you.

Me? What did I do?

You distract me.

I've been distracted since
the moment I met you.


Well, you should be.

Because all I
can think about

is how much I want
to kiss you.

And not just on the cheek,
but on the mouth.

Like mommies
and daddies do.

Oh, Sheldon.



Did you hear
what I said?

Can't talk, in the zone.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==