The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 12, Episode 13 - The Confirmation Polarization - full transcript

Hello. I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

And this is:
Dr. Sheldon Cooper

and Dr. Amy Farrah
Fowler present...

Dr. Sheldon Cooper's
Fun with Flags.

I'd like to start this episode
by apologizing on behalf

of Dr. Fowler, who made
the wild claim last week

that there was no national
tricolored flag

with a purple stripe,
when, in fact,

the Estonian governorate
inside the Russian Empire

had a purple stripe on their
flag from 1721 to 1917.

See? Right there
in the middle.

And I'd like to apologize
on behalf of Dr. Cooper

for having his zipper down
for the entire segment

on the flags of East Africa.

Sorry, Tanzania,
you deserve better.

All right, on today's episode,

we're gonna start
with some viewer e-mails.

Oh, take off your glasses
so people can't see

your password in
the reflection.

Oh, s-sure.

Okay, our first e-mail
is-- mm-- from...

uh, Brad or Brian?

- I don't know, maybe it's Seth.
- All right, put them back on.

Oh. Uh... oh, my gosh,
it's from Fermilab in Chicago.

Ah. Not surprising,
the Windy City.

Great flag town.

No, no, it's about our paper.

A team of physicists confirmed

Our paper was right.

We did it.

We did it?

We did it.

We did it.

We did it!

- We did it!
- We did it!

Aw, remember when they only
did it on her birthday?

♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x13 ♪
The Confirmation Polarization
Original Air Date on January 17, 2019

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

So, my incredible wife
has some exciting news.

Howie, stop.
I don't want to brag.

Oh, okay, sorry.

Really? No one's gonna ask?

Sorry. What's your news?

The drug I've been working on
for the past five years

just got approved by the FDA.

- Wow.
- Oh, congratulations.

Was that the decongestant
you developed?

No, we had to rebrand that as
a solvent for mining equipment.

Is it that anti-itch cream you
were testing on grad students?

It's not, but that's
a really funny story

which I'm legally prevented
from telling you.

It's her
anti-inflammatory drug.


Yep, three years of testing
and no reported side effects.

Ah, so it works.


Well, congratulations.
I'm so happy for you.

Yeah, well, I'm happy for you,

because I want you
to head up my sales team.

Really? Me? Don't you want
someone with more experience?

Nope. The job's all yours.

Okay, well, thank you.

Why don't we just chat
about this at work?

We can chat about it all you
want, but you're doing it.

We'll see.

That's a yes.

You guys will never believe
what just happened.

Yeah, we heard.

You did it.

We did do it.

And we didn't even
know we did it!

Wait, what?

Two physicists in Chicago
had to tell us.

Wait, what?

Their experiment on kaon decay
supported our predictions

on the higher order corrections
pertaining to super-asymmetry.

Wait, what?

I am so proud of you.

Well, I know how
to do the dishes.

Just, sometimes
I'm tired.

No, I-I mean, I'm proud of
how well you're doing at work.

Are you even using soap?

- Do you want to do this?
- Yeah, I really do.

You know, it was nice
of Bernadette to offer,

but I'm not sure it's
the right move for me.

Well, what are you
talking about?

If you were in charge
of her project,

wouldn't that
be a promotion?

Well, yeah, but it's not
the most important thing.

Aren't you always saying
it's about the work,

not more money
or a better title?

All the smart things I say,
and you remember the dumb one.

Plus, I'd be working
for Bernadette.

I don't know
if that's a good idea.

Look, I-I know she
can be difficult,

but she's no match for you.

Whatever she dishes out, you
can give it right back double.

What the hell
is that supposed to mean?

There you go.

President Siebert,

I have Dr. Cooper
and Dr. Fowler for you.


You two.

Bring it in.

What are
we bringing in?

A hug.

Oh. No, I don't want to.

Well, what you don't want,
you don't get.

Come on. Sit.

I hope you know, with these
new data supporting your theory,

we could be looking
at a Nobel-winning achievement.

And by "we,"

you mean "we,"

not "we."

"We," "we," whatever.


Just a heads-up.

Doctors Pemberton and Campbell
from Fermilab

Confirming my theory,Angeles,
eager to meet me.

They are checking
all my boxes.

You know,
Caltech has 38 Nobel laureates.

If you win, you and Amy
will be 39 and 40.

Ooh! Dibs on 39.

What's the difference?

Wha... You are right,
there is no difference at all.

Thank you. It is exciting.

Oh, that's very sweet.

I'm gonna remember
you said that.

Just like I remember how
you tried to take my office

when I was on maternity leave.

Of course I'm not angry.


How can I be angry
at a dead man?

Hey, you got a sec?

Sure. What's up?

Uh, bad news.

I spoke to my supervisor

about heading up
your sales team, and she said

she just can't
lose me right now.

Do you want me to call her?
I could rip her a new one.

No, no. No ripping.

Um, anyway, I-I don't want
to leave her shorthanded,

so I'm sorry.

I respect that.

That's what makes you
a good employee.

Oh, thank you.

It's just such a bummer.

I know. Just, ugh!

You sure you don't want me
to call her?

Oh, no, I'm sure, definitely
sure. Don't call her.

But, you know, just, ugh, why?

The last time we were in this
room, we were getting married.

I remember.

It's a lot less impressive
without Mark Hamill in it.

That's what you said
about our honeymoon.

And I stand by it.

Doctors Cooper and Fowler,

these are Doctors Pemberton
and Campbell,

whose experiment
confirmed your work.

- Hello. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you. Hi.

Okay, I'll leave you all to it.

Remember about
the hugging.

It is such a pleasure
to meet you.

Oh, it's really nice
to meet you, too.

I mean, we thought we'd
have to wait decades

to get confirmation
for our theory.

Yes, thanks to you,
I'll get to eat my Nobel dinner

with my original teeth.

Well, this certainly is a thrill
for us. Lunch with you two,

and, uh, tomorrow, we're gonna
see a taping of Ellen.

She's having John Stamos on.

Uncle Jesse!

Sounds fun.

So, um, listen, we just
published a few months ago.

How did you have time to
design an experiment?

We didn't. This whole thing
is actually a gigantic accident.

Yeah, we've been
working with kaons,

and our data made
absolutely no sense.

A few weeks ago, someone
told us about your paper,

and we realized
that our failed experiment

confirmed your theory.

And now,
instead of losing our jobs,

Fermilab flew us to L.A.
Economy Plus.

Free headphones.

Looks like my wife left me
a month too soon.

So you weren't even
thinking about super-asymmetry?

Thinking about it?

We don't even
understand it.

And now look at

the four of us,
changing the face of physics!

Ooh, I got to do it.

Oh, man, that last episode of
Star Trek: Discovery was crazy.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
I-I'm actually one behind.

I haven't started
the new season yet.

Ooh, uh, how about
this week's Walking Dead?

Two behind.

Three behind.

- Black Mirror?
- No.


Come on, there must be
something we've all seen.

Oh, how about that video
of my dog I sent you,

where she's growling
at a pinecone?

I actually hadn't
watched it yet,

but thanks
for ruining the ending.

Uh, can you believe this?

Doctors Pemberton and Campbell
have been doing a press tour

trying to take credit
for super-asymmetry.

They didn't even know
what they were finding.

So what? I mean, no one's
gonna give them credit

for accidentally
discovering something.

Yeah, who remembers the guy

who was trying to find India
and discovered America instead?

What was his name again?

But this is different.

Sheldon, super-asymmetry
is your paper.

Everyone knows
you were there first.

Mm, actually, the Nobel
Committee has sometimes favored

experimentalists like them
over theoreticians like you.

No, that's just
a scary campfire story

like the guy with the hook.

No, i-it's true.

The scientists
that proved the big bang,

they thought their sensors
needed cleaning

until someone pointed out
that they were picking up

cosmic background radiation
from the singularity.

They won the Nobel.

Not the scientists
that came up with the theory.

So you're saying they could
steal our Nobel Prize?

- Yes.
- That's terrible.

Good news, though:

Now we have something
we can talk about.

Hey, you wanted
to see me?

- Yeah, come on in.
- Okay.

Close the door.


Have a seat.

Do I have to?

You really do.

So, I talked
to your supervisor,

and she said that she
never stopped you

from working on my team,
because you never asked her.


Oh, you know, you should know,

she's been taking
our new antidepressant,

and lying is one
of the main side effects.

Why don't you want
to work with me?

I know I can be tough,
but that's just 'cause

I'm surrounded by
useless idiots.

No, it's not that.

Then why?

Honestly, I don't know
if I'm up to it.

You know,
the last project I managed

was my high school yearbook.
- And?

And that was the year
we didn't have one.

Apparently, the printers
won't make them

without getting paid.

What happened to the money?

Uh, if I didn't know then, I'm
not gonna magically know now.

Plus, you know,
I didn't go to college.

I'd be in charge of people
that are far more educated

with more experience;
what if they don't listen to me?

Then you be really mean to them.

Have I taught you nothing?

Penny, everybody
feels like you do.

Like they're not good enough,

not smart enough.
- What, even you?

- Of course.
- Dr. Rostenkowski, you wanted me...

Hey, did they not teach
knocking at Stanford? Get out!

I love that kid.

There you are.

Dr. Cooper, hello.

Hello to you, too. Now stop
trying to steal our Nobel Prize.

You come up with your own idea.

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Wouldn't that
be something, though?

Well, too bad.

This discovery belongs
to Amy and me.

Look, Dr. Cooper,

we all want a Nobel Prize.

Super-asymmetry could be the
breakthrough that gets us there.

But we can't fight over credit;
we have to work together.


you're saying
that the four of us

should just agree
to share this discovery?

Well, no,

only three people
can share a Nobel.

Oh, that's right.

So he's out?

No, I'm not out.

So he's out?

Neither of us is out.

We think that
the three physicists

should be the ones to win
the Nobel Prize for physics.

Wait, so you want
to cut Amy out?

No, of course not.

We don't want to,
but we're going to.

But she's my wife.

Yes, exactly,
she's your wife.

And she's a neuroscientist.

It's like, what's she
even doing on this paper?

It just raises questions.

Look, Fermilab
is going to recommend

the three of us
to the Nobel Committee.

The best chance we have is if
your university does the same.

I see.

So you really think that
I'm the kind of man who would

sell out his partner
for the chance

of winning a Nobel Prize?

Are you?

Boy, I hope not.

I can't believe
Penny doesn't want

to head up my sales team.
- That's too bad.

But it's her decision,
not yours.

Do you hear how dumb you sound?

Why does this matter
to you so much?

Because I believe in her,
and I make people better.

It's what I do.

Against their will?

It's no fun if they want to.

That's just called watching.

Look at Howard.

He was a disaster
when I met him.

Now he's a foxy astronaut
with a hot wife.

Wait, he always wanted
to be an astronaut.

He thinks that, too.

That's how good I am.

Wait, so what
are you gonna do?

Just badger her
until she says yes?

Mm, that may have worked on you,
but she's too smart for that.

Well, if you like fixing people,
I could use some help.


Why do you think you stopped
wearing Crocs and socks?

Uh, well, one day I just woke up
and realized they looked silly.

Yes, you did.
All on your own.

That's how good I am.

What's wrong?

Why do you assume
something's wrong?

Because you haven't
touched your dinner,

and you're literally ticking
like a bomb about to go off.

Oh, Amy.

You see through me
like one of Penny's shirts.

Just tell me.

I talked to Doctors Pemberton
and Campbell today.

They reminded me that only three
people can share a Nobel Prize.

Their university
is recommending

the two of them and me.

And they want Caltech
to do the same.


They say, if we present
a united front,

we have a much better shot
at winning.

Well, you know,

that makes sense.

Oh, but don't worry.
I won't do that to you.

Maybe you should.


This has been
your lifelong dream.

And you may not get
another chance.

I don't want to be the reason
that you don't win a Nobel.

You're the only
reason I deserve one.

But if your best shot
is with them,

I think you should take it.

Is this really
what you want me to do?

I just want you to be happy.

Thank you.

Hey. How long have you
been sitting there?

Long enough for two
of your neighbors

to ask if I was lost
and looking for my mother.

I'm not changing my mind,

That's okay. I'm sorry.

It was wrong of me to badger you
into doing something

that made you uncomfortable.

Thank you.

Mm, it's probably
for the best.

I need someone
who's strong and confident

to head up my sales team,
so I'm giving it to Karen.

What... Karen?
Well, what's the job?

Eating my yogurt and
then lying about it?

I'm just saying.

She went to college.
She's really smart.

Well, I'm smarter than Karen.

I can read the word "Penny"
on a cup of yogurt.

Why are you getting so upset?

I'm agreeing with you.
This is a big job,

and I need someone
who's up to it.

I am up to it.
I'm just nervous about it.

I know.

And that's why
I don't want to pressure you

into doing something that you
clearly don't want to do.

I know what you're up to.

Is it working?


- So I'll see you Monday morning?

I bet I can make
that girl president.

Uh, President Siebert,
Dr. Cooper is...

I need to talk to
you about the paper

that Dr. Fowler
and I published.

Send him in.

Amy and I did this together,

and I will not
be part of an award

that does not recognize
the value of her contributions.

So you either include both of us
in the recommendation letter,

or don't bother writing one.

I hope you know
that's going to cause a fight

between us
and the Fermilab team.

If it's a fight that doesn't
involve any touching,

risk of physical harm
or uncomfortable eye contact

'cause it's happening online
or through intermediaries,

I say bring it.

All right.
I respect your decision.

You do?

Yes. You and Dr. Fowler
have my full support.

Oh, okay.

I anticipated
a little more pushback.

Sorry, my job here
is to serve your needs,

both academic and personal.


Well, now I'm filled with
all this nervous energy.

I don't know quite
what to do with it.

We have a fully equipped

Yeah... Really?

Where's that?

It's part of the new
sports complex.


And where is that?

Come on, I'll show you.

Are there monkey bars?

All right, now,
I'm sure some of you

are wondering,
"Who is this woman?

"How did she get to be
in charge of the sales team?

Is it because she's friends
with Dr. Rostenkowski?"

Because she is.

"Is it because she was
Miss Cornhusker 2001

and still fits
in those very same jeans?"

'Cause she was, and she does,

and they're actually
a little baggy.

Or is it because she's
the best damn salesperson here?

Because I am.

Now that we're clear on that,
here are the drug specs

and marketing strategy
for Inflamminex.

Which, now that I say it out
loud, might be a placeholder.

By tomorrow, I want everyone to
have this committed to memory.

Do you have it
committed to memory?

You want to have
a contest, Karen?

Winner gets a yogurt.

No, boss.

All right, now we all know
what we need to do.

Let's go do it.

R-Right now.
Get out of here. Go.

That was
really impressive.

Damn right it
was impressive.

- Okay, that tone doesn't work with me.
- Sorry, boss.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==