The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 12, Episode 10 - Episode #12.10 - full transcript

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

Actually, I-I need to talk to
both of you about your paper.

Oh, right, how are
the citations coming?


We came a-across
a-a Russian paper

that seems to disprove


Okay, Sheldon and Amy
are still pretty upset

about their theory
being disproved.

So we have made
a list of subjects

for everyone
to avoid.

- Symmetry.
- Asymmetry.

Uh, SimCity--

sounds too much like symmetry.

That also applies

to The Simpsons,
Simba from The Lion King,

and cymbals.

Russia or Russian
in any context.

The country, the dressing,
the roulette.

Uh, also no talk of Rocky IV.

Why Rocky IV?

Because he fights
a Russian.

I'm sorry about her.

We should just try and avoid
anything that makes them think

of their project
or science

or Nobel Prizes
or successes or failures.

- Hi.
ALL: Hi!

Hey, guys.

What are you guys doing?



Like what my career
has come to? Thanks a lot.

Nice going.

♪ The Big Bang Theory 12x10 ♪
The VCR Illumination
Original Air Date on December 6, 2018

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

(music playing)

What are you doing?

Eating, reading,

watching television,
listening to the radio.

What does it look
like I'm doing?

Is that asparagus? I thought
you hate asparagus.

I thought so, too, but I also
thought super-asymmetry

was a good idea,
so what else am I wrong about?

Oh, so now you're

every opinion you've ever had?

Yes. I am following the example

of 17th century philosopher
René Descartes.

He subjected
all his beliefs

to radical doubt so that he
could build a bedrock belief

and build his cognitive life
back up on firm principles.

Ugh! Still yucky, still yucky.

(music stops)

Sheldon, I know you're upset
about the paper, okay.

I'm upset, too.

I mean, I was so sure
we were right.

Every fiber of my being
felt like this was it.

This was the one. How can I
trust my instincts anymore?

Well, just because
our theory was wrong,

that doesn't mean you're wrong
about everything.

Doesn't it? I've always thought
I hated jazz, maybe I was wrong.

Maybe it's great to hear
all the notes at once.

(music playing)

I'm trying,
I'm really trying!

- What you eating?
- Chicken fried steak.

What? You can't have
chicken fried steak

first thing in the morning.
- Hey,

you knew I was a bad boy
when you married me.

Come on, you want
a piece of this?

You or the steak?

I'm not sharing the steak.


Hey, you guys busy?

No, what's going on?

I'm really worried
about Sheldon.

I've never seen him this down.

Have you tried making him
a cup of tea?

He's reevaluated tea.

Now he thinks it's nothing
but leaf soup.

That's a good point.

- No, it's not.
- No, it's not.

He's rethinking everything.

How long is it gonna be
before he gets to me?

- Oh.
- It's that bad, huh?

I'm afraid so. I just...
I don't know what to do.

I have something
that might help.

It's-it's a recording
of the only person

whose opinion Sheldon
actually respects.



No, himself.

It's a pep talk he made
when he was a kid.

He gave it to me years ago
and told me to save it

for a real emergency.

You didn't break it out

when he declared his room
a sovereign nation

and waged a trade war
against us?

His major export is talking.
I didn't want that anyway.

Is that a VCR?

Yeah, Amy asked if we
had one she could borrow

and I just want to make sure
it still works.

What's on the tape?

Not sure. I used to record
a lot of Jeopardy! for my mom,

but if I push play
and you see some naked people...

Got it.
What is porn?

Ooh, we were looking
for "vintage '80s erotica,"

but I'll accept it.

Hello, everybody.

I am The Great Howdini.


Put it back on.
You look adorable.

It's just a practice tape

from when I was trying to become
a member of the Magic Castle.

I didn't know
you auditioned there.

Oh, I never went
through with it.

I watched the tape and realized
I wasn't good enough.

You know that trick where
you saw a mannequin in half?

- Don't you mean a lady?
- Thank God it was not a lady.

I'd just be getting
out of jail.

Come on, you're
a good magician.

Really? You always
called magic dumb.

You can be good
at something dumb.

- You know what, you should audition now.
- It's fine.

I don't need to be a member of
the most elite magical society

on the face
of the earth.

Sounds like you still want it.

And I don't want our kids

to watch this tape one day and
think their dad is a quitter.

Oh, we don't have to
show it to them.

Oh, I'm definitely
showing it to them.



"Fine with flags"?

Yes, flags--

up there flapping around
on poles.

If you think about it,
they're just the strippers

of the emblem world.

Well, I got something

that I think
might cheer you up.

It is the emergency pep talk
you made when you were a kid.

Oh, that.

I was saving it for the day they
stop making Star Wars movies.

I don't think that's
ever gonna happen.

How long has it been
since you've seen it?

Not since the day I recorded it.

No, I had just watched
Back to the Future II,

where Marty McFly gets a glimpse
of his future self

and that got me thinking,

the day may come
where I needed my help,

like they did with that movie.
That was not great.

Okay, all hooked up.

Here we go.

Oh, look how cute you were.

Amy please, of course I was
cute. Look how I turned out.

Hello, Sheldon.

Hello, Sheldon.

If you're watching this,

I assume something bad
has happened.

Something unfortunate
and unforeseen.

Something that's making you

question everything.

I'm so smart.

Now just to make sure
it's really you watching this

and not an imposter,
what am I thinking of?

On the count of three.

One, two, three.

Robot monkey butler.
Robot monkey butler.

Okay, good.

Should I leave
you two alone?

No, this is gonna be inspiring.
You should watch.

Sheldon, never forget,

no matter how bad things seem,

you can Al...

What? What...
No. N... (scoffs)

My dad taped over it

with one of his stupid
high school football games.


You know, it doesn't matter,
nothing matters.

Is there anything
I can do?

Yes. You can build me
a time machine

so I can go back and tell my
younger self to give up, because

nothing's gonna work out
the way he wants.

I was thinking a nice cup
of leaf soup.

What's all this?

Your magic tricks
from the garage.

Your wands, your top hat
with the stuffed mouse inside.

I never had a stuffed mouse.

Okay, do not wear this hat.

Why is it all
in the living room?

Because I think
The Great Howdini

deserves to be a member
of the Magic Castle.

That's sweet, but I'm
not that guy anymore.

I've outgrown it.

Have you?

Look, I know you still
want this, and I can help you.

All those pageants
I did as a kid--

I could teach you
how to present yourself,

connect with the judges,
sabotage the competition.

Whoa, whoa, no one's
sabotaging anybody.

Of course not.

Little girls in ball gowns
trip, it happens.

Trust me, I'm gonna be
the pageant mom to you

that my mom was to me.

I thought you hated your mom
for making you do that.

More talk like that and
you're not getting any dinner.

Amazing how it all comes back.

(Skype ringing)


- Hello, Mother.
- Hey, Beverly.

Hello, Leonard.
Hello, Penny.

To what do I owe this call?

I need your
professional advice.

Well, I'd love
to help you out, dear,

but I'm very busy at the moment.

Perhaps we can schedule
a time next week.

It's about Sheldon.

Oh, well, I-I suppose

I can spare a minute or two.

Wh-Why did you just say
you're too busy, but...

Leonard, please,
not everything is about you.

Penny, go on.

Well, ever since his
paper got disproven,

he's been a wreck.

He's been sad
and... and angry.

He just seems
kind of broken.

Well, it sounds
like he may be grieving.


- Over a theory?
- Of course.

You can grieve
over any emotional loss.

The more you care
about something,

the greater the trauma
of losing it.

Oh, boy.
He cared about this a lot.

Yeah. What can we do
to help him?

Well, grieving is a process.

Every culture has its own
rituals and traditions

to facilitate mourning.

The ancient Egyptians
had their mummification,

the Tibetans had
their sky funerals...

And when I was little and my dog
died, my mom sat me down

and very gently told me
that she wished the truck

had hit my dad instead.

I was trying
to lighten the mood.

Your dog had just died.

Howard and I have been working
really hard on his audition,

so it'll be helpful to get
another set of eyes on it.

Well, as someone who has
watched every episode

of America's Got Talent,

I'm getting pretty good
at telling

when some American's got talent.


Heidi and I agree,
like, 90% of the time.

All right.

Don't be afraid to be
brutally honest.

Like my mom used to say
when I was doing pageants,

"Tears only make your eyes
sparkle brighter."

That is both sad and true.

Half my Instagram
is after a good cry.

Howie, you ready?

WOLOWITZ (flat):

I now present The Great Howdini.

(music playing)

♪ I've got magic to do,
just for you ♪

♪ I've got miracle plays
to play ♪

♪ I've got parts to perform,
hearts to warm ♪

♪ Kings and things
to take by storm ♪

♪ As we go along our ♪

♪ Way. ♪

Hello. I'm The Great Howdini
from Altadena, California.

I have no brothers or sisters

and my favorite thing to eat
is grilled cheese.

When does the magic start?

It already started.


Hi. How are
you guys doing?

A little better,
if you can believe it.


Go away.

Buddy, come on, let us help you.

The only person
who could help me was erased

by the Medford High Wolves.

Oh, that's funny. My high
school was also the wolves.

No? Not now? Okay.

t-this might

seem strange, but, uh,

we thought it might help you get
some closure if you had a chance

to properly say good-bye
to your paper.

Yeah, you know, we
could say a few words,

you could talk about
what it meant to you

and-and we could
bury it somewhere.

You mean have a funeral
for our theory?


That's ridiculous.

I thought so, too, but my mom
thought it might work.

Beverly thought it would help?
We should try it.

Wha-- How come when you thought
it was my idea...

(stammers) Leonard,

please, this is not about you.

I guess we could bury it
in the park.

Yeah, where dogs do their
business and other dogs

sniff that business?
- I don't think so.

What would you
like to do, Sheldon?

The only fitting send-off:

a Viking funeral.

You mean, like,
push it out into a lake

and shoot it
with a flaming arrow?

This guy gets it.

How about a bathtub
and a match?

How about a bathtub
and a flaming arrow?

How about a bathtub, a match
and an ice-cold Yoo-hoo after?



Would you like to say something?

Y-Yes, thank you.

I know this is just
a scientific theory,

but to me, it was
more than that.

It described the universe
in a new and beautiful way.

I want that to be the
universe we live in,

but I guess it's not.

Amy, would you like
to shoot the arrow?

It's kind of beautiful,
isn't it?

Yeah, it is.

It's getting kind of
close to the curtain.

It's in water, it's fine.

- Oh!
- Oh!


Looks like we both had theories
that were wrong.

PENNY: Okay...

Are you getting sick?

No, I have glitter in my nose.

Just your nose?

Consider yourself lucky.

Hey, I'm gonna

take tomorrow off

so we can spend the whole day
running the act.

You know what, it has been
so much fun working on this

with you, but...
- But what?

It hasn't.

I'm not gonna audition.

Hey, I didn't raise a quitter.

You didn't raise me at all.


I get that you're scared, but
we just have to push past that.

I'm not scared.
I don't like the act.

It's over-the-top

and weird and has more
jazz hands than magic.

Why didn't you say
something earlier?

You seemed like
you were so happy,

and then when I tried
to say something,

you seemed like you were so mad.

Hey, this isn't about me.

I just wanted you
to have your dream,

and I wanted
to control everything

about how you looked and acted
so that your victory was mine.

Well, that's honest.

But if I'm gonna
go through with this,

I have to do it my own way.

I respect that,

and I'm glad that I helped
lead you to this moment.

Stop trying to make this
your victory!

(crowd cheering, whistle blowing
over TV)

Why are you watching that?

I'm just looking to see

if there's anything left
of your speech.

It's not important.
I remember everything I said.


It was good, it just would've
meant more coming from me.

All right, bring it in.

Is that your dad?

It is.

I've only seen pictures of him.

I know we're down, by a lot.

And if I'm being
honest with you,

we're probably not
gonna win this one.

In fact, we're definitely not
gonna win this one.

Do you want me to turn it off?

But we're not
gonna quit, either.

And if we do lose,

you need to know
that doesn't make you losers.

You learn as much about who you
are and what you're made of

from failing as you do
from success.

Maybe more.

So you can spend the next half
feeling sorry for yourselves,

or you can get out there
and give them hell.

Yeah! Let's give them hell!

Oh-- watch your mouth,
your mom might...

I remember that game.

Did they win?

Oh, no.

No, they lost so bad,
the other team

let one of their cheerleaders
try to kick a field goal.

Well, that was a nice speech.
Too bad it didn't work.

Maybe it did.

What do you mean?

I've been acting
like the game is over,

but it's only halftime.

And there's a lot more physics
left to play.

Wow, was that your first ever
sports metaphor?

It was.

And I think it was a home run.

That's two.

It's interesting.

I've always thought that
my father's journey and my own

were so different, but he also
faced failure and setbacks.

Maybe our lives mirrored each
other more than I thought.

So, from one viewpoint,

you and your father's lives
are asymmetrical,

but from another vantage point,
they're symmetrical.


what if symmetry and asymmetry
are observer-relative?

That would mean that
the Russian paper was right...

But only from one perspective.

If we look at it from a deeper
view in more dimensions,

our theory still stands.

Not only stands, i-it might be
an even bigger idea

than the one we were
originally proposing.

Go get your laptop.
We have a paper to fix.


Thanks, Dad.

We're gonna give them hell.

Hi, I'm The Great Howdini,

and it's an honor to be
auditioning at the Magic Castle.

Could I borrow your watch, sir?

- Sure.
- Thank you.

Ooh, Rolex, fancy.
I'll get it right back to you.

one very expensive watch,

one wooden mallet.

Do I dare? I do.

Would you be amazed if your
watch survived that pounding?

I think you would-- behold.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==