The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 11, Episode 21 - The Comet Polarization - full transcript

Sheldon's comic book store experience changes when writer Neil Gaiman puts Stuart's store on the map; friendships are threatened when Koothrappali takes credit for Penny's astronomical discovery.

What are you doing?

Pigeon check for Sheldon.

North side's all clear!

Great. Let's look
at some planets!

Hey, why'd you lug your
telescope all the way over here?

Leonard has one
in our apartment.

Yeah, I'm gonna
use Leonard's.

Might as well hold my hand
up like this and squint.

I don't know.
It seemed pretty good.

You know, once
when the cable went out,

I watched an entire episode
of The Bachelor

on a TV across the street.

This one's more
of a professional model.

So was the girl he picked!

This baby's got a ten-inch
diameter with f/10 ACF optics.

And tonight Mercury is
at its highest elongation.

It makes far-away things seem
close, and Mercury is a planet.

I know Mercury is a planet.

But the-the other
thing was helpful.

Oh. Look at that.

- Neil Gaiman tweeted about my store!
- What did he say?

Uh, "Next time
you're in Pasadena,

"check out The Comic Center.

"Great vibe,
old school,

the owner really knows
his stuff."

Isn't that amazing?

Well, uh, it's no Sandman,
but I guess we can't expect

everything he writes
to be a masterpiece.

When was he in your store?

I have no idea.
I think I would remember that.

Obviously, vibranium is the
most powerful metal in comics.

What, more powerful
than adamantium?

He's right.
Wolverine's claws,

Ultron's outer shell.

Need I go on?

You don't need to,
but you probably will.

What about Wonder
Woman's bracelets?

Good point.

Strong as a metal and
fierce as a fashion choice.

You know, Thor's hammer's
pretty powerful,

and in the comics,
it's made out of enchanted uru.

Uh, yeah, I think
it's the enchantment

that's powerful,
not the uru,

but, uh,
thanks for playing.

Oh, man, I can't believe
Neil Gaiman came in,

and we weren't even there.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪
Season 11 Episode 21

Episode Title:
"The Comet Polarization"

Can you see Mercury?
Can you see it?

One second.

You know,
the Greek version of Mercury, Hermes,

was worshipped
in Athens

by the carving of
giant wooden phalluses.

Please, Amy,

get your mind out
of the ancient Athenian gutter.

Got another follower.
I'm blowing up.

How many does that make?

High double digits.

- The nineties?
- Mid double digits.

Hey, uh, Penny,

- do you want to check this out?
- Yeah, sure.

All right, just, uh, look through here,
and if you want to take a picture,

- just push that button.
- Okay.

Oh, what is that?

Is it Mercury?
I'm really jonesing for Mercury.

I think it's a
little early

for Mercury to
be visible yet.

Playing hard to get.

I like that in a planet.

No, there's something fuzzy.

Is it your teen years?


Yes. Shut up.

Look. Look at that.
I think I see something.

It could just be your eyelash.

It's not an eyelash!

Okay, well, uh,
take a picture. Let's see.

Okay. Here.


I do see something.

- Told you.
- What is it?

I don't know.

Maybe it's a comet.

That would be so cool.

You guys want
to see a real star,

look over here.


I just got retweeted...
by Patton Oswalt's brother.

So, this is really
where Neil Gaiman shops?

Neil Gaiman, Nicolas Cage,
Natalie Portman.

The list goes on.

They all come here?

Unless I'm lying.

Who are all these people?

What? Is this
a flash mob?

Are they dancing?

I don't know what today's
dancing looks like.

Hey, guys. That tweet
actually got people

to come in.
Isn't that great?

No. I liked the way
the store was before.

You mean empty and sad?

Yes, it was perfect.

Like a funeral home
that sells Pokémon cards.

What am I supposed
to do now

if I want to hang out
and read a comic book?

Go sit on the couch.

Next to a stranger?

If I'm going to sit, read,
and ignore a woman,

it's going to be my fiancée.

Why are you being
such a baby about the crowds?

You go to Comic-Con.

You... I'm sorry.

You're comparing
this place to Comic-Con?

Well, can I go to the bathroom
here next to a Wookiee

who got his zipper
stuck in his fur?

Wow. We go to Comic-Con
for different reasons.

You know what?

Just give me a copy
of Action Comics 1000,

and I'll be on my way.

Sorry. All out.

Now you just let people
come in and buy them?

I didn't realize
your soul was also for sale.


it wasn't,
but, uh, make me an offer.

Who is that?

- Sheldon.
- Who is he mad at?

- Neil Gaiman.
- Who's that?

- Not us.
- Great.

- Guys.
- Hi. - Hey.

So, guess what.

That indeed was
a comet last night,

and it turns out,
no one's seen it before.

- Wow.
- Really?

Look at that!
I discovered a comet! Oh!

What do you mean
you discovered it?

I'm the one who saw it.

In my telescope
that I positioned.

All you did was look into it.

Well, you both discovered it.

You can put both your names
on the registration form.

- Actually, we can't.
- Why not?

Because when I filled it out,
it asked for name of discoverer,

and I put
"Rajesh Koothrappali" because...

because that's who I am,
and that's what I did.

Are you kidding me?

Well, he is the one
who knew it was a comet.

No, he didn't.
He thought it was an eyelash!

And you thought
it was a fuzzy streak.

I mean, do you even know
what a comet is?

Yeah, the thing I saw first.

I honestly don't think that
that qualifies as a discovery.

But I took the picture.

Because I told you to!

Like, if a monkey
took the picture,

did it discover the comet?

Excuse me?!

Eh, eh, eh, uh,
he didn't mean monkey.

- Get the hell out of my apartment!
- And she didn't mean that.

Actually, I think she did.
You should go.

You look great.

Oh, thanks.

Would you believe
this is actually a dress

from before I was pregnant?

Well, it's not a competition,

but... I wore this suit
to my Bar Mitzvah.

Where's Stuart?

I told him
we had a 6:30 reservation.

Well, I'll call him.

Comic Center,
where the real superhero is you.

Stuart, you're supposed
to be babysitting.

- Oh!
- Shoot. That was tonight. I forgot.

The store's been really busy.

Well, when can you
get here?

Um, I don't think I can.
Listen to this.

I-I was ringing up a customer,
and I heard someone say,

"Hey, there's a line,"
and I looked, and there was.

Come on. You can't
do this to us.

I am really sorry.
I will make it up to you.

But it won't be with
a Val Kilmer Batman figurine

because some sucker's
buying that right now.

Not you. This is great.

He says he has to work.

Oh, it's okay.

We can have date night
another night.

But you got all dressed up.

We were supposed to have
dinner and romance.

We'll just have
to divide and conquer.

I'll go to dinner,

and you can stay home with
the Internet and have romance.

Okay, look, I Googled it.

I took the picture,
so it's my discovery.

He stole my comet.

I know, but on the other hand,
do you really care?

Yes, I care.
This happens to me all the time.

People take one look at me

and assume I don't know
what I'm talking about.

Oh, I'm sure that's not true.

I'm sorry.
Are you saying

I don't know
what I'm talking about?

No, I'm not saying anything...
ever again.

Look, I'm serious.
The other day at work,

I had this great idea,
but no one was listening to me.

And then five minutes later,
Paul said the same thing,

and they practically
carried him around the room.

Oh, well, what was it?

Well, CPK for lunch,

but that's just one example.

It also happens
with all

the doctors
I have to deal with.

You know,
they're so condescending.

I'm so sick
of letting this stuff slide.

I found that comet.
Why should I let Raj say he found it?

I know you're right,
but he is our friend,

and this could be good
for his career.

Okay, so you agree with me,
but he still gets his way?

Ah, there you go.
Everybody wins.

My God, you're such
a people-pleaser.

You can't stand
making anyone angry.

Why would I want
to make anyone angry?

'Cause it would mean
you were on my side.

Oh, I am on your side.
Hey, hey.

Let's not forget who
you're really mad at here... Raj.

Oh, and Paul.
Paul sucks, right?

But don't tell him I said that.

Hey, Howard,
did you see that...?

I'm over here, Sheldon.

That was a close one.

I almost went home
with that guy.

You doing okay?
Do we need to go?

No, I'm fine.

I admit all these people
did take me by surprise at first,

but... I've learned
that I can accept change.

S-Since when?

I managed it when Amy
switched her shampoo

from Prell
to Prell for oily hair. Hmm?

Although I do miss the way

her head used
to slide off the pillow.

May I help you?

Who are you?

Oh, I'm Denise,
the new assistant manager.


Can you believe it?
In the past decade,

I have spent thousands
of dollars in that store,

and this is the thanks I get.

You're right. I mean,
he could at least get you a mug.

He gave me a mug.

What do you think
I'm drinking out of?

Do you even pay attention?

Honestly, less and less.

Amy, the comic
book store

is like my version
of the country in Black Panther.

Okay, I'm afraid
this is gonna get really offensive

to certain groups.

The nation of Wakanda
was a hidden gem,

and they wanted to
keep it that way,

because they knew if they
opened it up to the world,

everything that was special
about it would get ruined.

- Are you done?
- Yes.

Oh, okay.

That both made sense
and wasn't offensive.

And to make things worse,
Stuart hired some woman.

There we go.

I'm not annoyed
that she's a woman.

I'm annoyed, and
she's a woman.

No, I get that.

I'm annoyed and I'm a woman.

It's just, Stuart knows
my likes and dislikes.

And I can count
on his discretion

if I pick up the
occasional back issue

of Superman's Pal
Jimmy Olsen.

Which I don't.

Well, don't think of her
as a stranger.

Just think of her as a...

a friend you haven't berated,
lectured or condescended to yet.

I hadn't thought
of it that way.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

You're wise,
and you smell like books.

You really are
the whole package.

Raj, just help me out.

Penny's pretty mad
about this comet thing.

Well, I'm sorry
she's upset.

- But she didn't discover it.
- Oh, come on,

you know
she was a part of it.

Just add her name
to the registration.

But I already told
everyone at work that I did it.

My boss was so excited,

he started calling me
Captain Comet.

Which is better

than his last nickname for me:
Dr. Doughnuts.

Because one time
I had two doughnuts.

And two times
I had three doughnuts.

I guess you're just gonna
have to swallow your pride.

I, I, I can't do that.

Sure you can... just pretend
it's two or three doughnuts.

You don't understand.

Leonard, I need this.

My last big discovery was:

if you press
your upper lip hard enough,

you can block a sneeze.

I told you that.

This is all my fault.

I brought this
upon myself.

I'm a bad scientist.

I'm a selfish person.
No, no,

- don't get upset.
- You're not a bad person.

Just let me...
talk to Penny.

I'm-I'm sure I can

make her understand.

Thank you.
You're a good friend, Leonard.

I'm glad you think so,
'cause I may be living here soon.

Just look at her
over there.

She just started,

and she gets to
put up "Staff Picks."

I've been coming here
for ten years...

I still can't put up
"Sheldon Dislikes."

I talked to her yesterday.

She really seems
to know her stuff.

Challenge accepted.

That is not what that was.

Excuse me.

I was wondering

if you could recommend

Oh, sure.
You want to tell me what you like?

I would not.

All right, well, you're
wearing a Green Lantern shirt,

so I'm guessing
you're a DC fan.

Although that's from
the Alan Scott era,

so you're probably not
super into the current run.

How would you feel about
an alternate history

where World War I was fought
with dragons and magic?

That's what I wanted
the theme

of my tenth birthday party
to be!


Check this out.

- It's by Kurt Busiek.
- You know, if you're interested

in alternate histories,

Neil Gaiman wrote one
called 1602.

I'm sorry, we're in the middle
of something here.

It is pretty good, actually.

He takes
the Marvel superheroes

and he puts them
into Elizabethan England.

Let me guess... everyone thinks
the X-Men are witches.


Why don't you take this home,
and if you don't like it,

return it and I'll give
you your money back.

Just don't tell Stuart.

Stuart who?

Hey. Where have you been?

I went to yell at Raj.

And? Is he gonna
give me back my comet?

Interesting thing.

Did you cave?

Maybe I did, or...

maybe I did.

But I did realize something.

I-I don't need
to fight your battles.

You... you are

a strong and independent woman.

You have
your own voice.

And, to quote
another strong woman,

Katy Perry,
it's time to hear you roar.

Did you just think of that
on your way home?

What do you want from me?
The song was on in the car.

But it doesn't mean

that it's not true.

Well, you make a good point.

I'm gonna go talk to Raj myself.

I know I don't say it enough,

but you go, girl.

That was enough.

What's all this?

Well, we missed
our date night,

and Stuart's working again,
so I thought we could have

a date night here at home.

Aw, that's so sweet.

Oh. So... is that
really what you're wearing

to our date night?

Well, Stuart's not here
and the kids are sleeping.

I could wear nothing.

You might want
to hold off on that...

We're starting with soup.


Wha...? I thought you
were working late again.

I was, but Denise
has got it covered.

- Oh.
- Oh...

the funniest thing
happened today.

You know the, uh, receipt tape
in the cash register?

It ran out.

I didn't even know
it could do that.

You know, we were just
sitting down to dinner.

Oh. Perfect timing.

I'll go wash up.

There goes date night.

Are you kidding?
Stuart's here! Get your purse.

- We're going out.
- What about the dinner you made?

Right. Hey, Stuart!

That can of soup
sitting by the stove, that's for you!

You made canned soup
for date night?

And you wore sweatpants.
Let's go.

Oh, and it turns out Denise
is also really excited

for Dan Slott's run
on Iron Man,

because he was her favorite
Spider-Man writer, too.

How about that?

Oh! And guess who goes to art school
right here in Pasadena.

Hmm. I don't know.


You're a good guesser, Amy.

Not as good
as Denise, though.

She thought I would like
this comic, Arrowsmith,

and she was right.
Well, was the store crowded?

I bet it was.
I know you hate that.

It was.
But if it weren't for the crowds,

Stuart never would
have hired Denise,

and she's the best.

You must be Denise.

Oh, yeah. How
can I help you?

I'm Amy, Sheldon's fiancée.

Oh. I got to be honest,

I wasn't a hundred percent
sure you were real.

Oh, I am. And I heard you and
Sheldon had a great time today

talking about comic books.

- We did.
- Great. Here's what's gonna happen.

You're gonna teach me
how to do that.

Do what?

Pretend to like comic books.

Oh, no, I actually
like comic books.

All right, let's not get
hung up on semantics.

It's late, we got
a lot of work to do.

I'm sorry.

I haven't even said
anything yet.

I know, but I heard your
footsteps coming up the stairs,

and they sounded angry.

They are angry.
I'm mad at you.

And you have
every right to be, okay?

I was being...
I was being a jerk.

We did this together,
and I hogged all of the credit.

And after you've been such a good friend
to me over the years.

Like, I wouldn't even be able to talk
to women if it wasn't for you, so...

so I'm... I'm gonna make sure
that your name is on the comet.

Thank you.

Even if it's
professionally embarrassing.

You know, or maybe put me
on thin ice at work.

I may lose my funding.

I still, uh...
still want to make this right.

Good. Bye.

That worked way better
with Leonard.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Why are you reading
a comic book?

Denise recommended it to me.

It's the Rebirth Omnibus.

She thought it would be
a good entry point for me

into the DC Universe...
And I have to say,

- I really do like...
- You know, Amy, Amy, I've talked

a lot about
comic books lately,

can we talk about
something else?