The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 11, Episode 14 - The Separation Triangulation - full transcript

Space is the mirror of the soul.

Are we looking beyond,
or are we looking within?

I'm looking at my shoes.

This is making me a
little motion sick.

When we gaze out
at the immensities of space,

we understand them
because there are immensities

within us as well.

I'm Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali,

and thank you
for taking a walk with me...

through the stars.

That pause gets
longer every show.

I believe...

you're right.


Can I get a picture with you?


And if you post it
on social media,

I suggest the hashtag

Thank you.
The show was great.

Well, I can't take
all the credit.

I have pretty good co-stars.

The stars.

Do you say that to everyone?

Only to beautiful women.

And okay women.


Uh, just to clarify:
you're the first kind.


Thanks for coming.

What did you handsome
gentlemen think of the show?

Uh, you can turn it off now.

It's sweet of you to say,
but I don't think I can.

Look at this cute picture
of Halley in the bath.

Oh, ho, ho! That's great.

Want me to send it to you?

No, on your phone it's cute,
on my phone it's a crime.

I also have
a pretty cute picture to share.

What is that?

An equation.

Isn't it perfect?

Sometimes I just stare at it,

and I think "I can't believe
that came out of me."

Well, since
we're sharing pictures,

I have one to contribute.

Please don't let it be
you and your dog in the bathtub.

It's not.

But don't swipe.

What are we looking at here?

Well, that's me
and a beautiful woman

and my watch showing the time
as 2:30 in the morning.

So, state's exhibit "A"?

No. I met her at
the planetarium a few days ago,

and she invited me
out for a drink.

Oh, good for you.

w-what's the Hindi word
for "dog"?

You kutta.


That's Hindi for woof-woof.

I am seeing her again tonight.

You know, I also have
a date tonight.

But don't worry,
it's not another woman.

It's string theory.


Sorry, he's a kutta, you're not.

- Hi.
- Hello.

What you doing?

Oh, taking another picture
with my baby.

Look how big he got.

It's fun to see you
this excited.

Aw, thank you, that's so...

- Don't sit there!
- What, what?

I, uh... sorry.

It-It's part of
my organization system.

That's-that's where
those papers go.

Okay. Um, how about if I just...

slide this notebook...


You know what, it's fine.
I'll just be in the bedroom.

No, no. Uh, this is
your apartment, too.

Uh, look, I'll-I'll stop
for the night

and clean this up.

Well, that's very considerate,

I know.

See, I'm trying
this new technique

where I imagine how I would feel
in someone else's position.

Y-You mean empathy?

Oh, I thought I came up with it.

Well, regardless,
I-I appreciate the effort.

Thank you.

It's really hard.


Good morning.

Aw, you didn't have
to cook me breakfast.

Well, I wasn't sure
how I did last night,

and I wanted to finish strong.

You don't need to worry.

Last night was great.

Ah, well, you say that now,

but wait until you taste this.

Oh, my God, this is amazing.

Which is why I keep an omelet
pan in the trunk of my car.

Well, thank you, it's delicious.

My husband never cooked for me.

Oh, uh, y-you were married.

Yeah. Well, technically,
I guess I still am.

Is that "technically,"

like, the paperwork
hasn't gone through,

or "technically,"

like, he's in the closet
watching us right now?

No, no, we're separated.

Do you mind if we talk
about something else?

Of course.

Uh, you know, my secret to
making great omelets is that

I beat the egg whites

Speaking of which,
how long have you been separated?

About two weeks.

That is not a lot of weeks.

In fact, that's the bare minimum
to get to the plural "weeks."

Doesn't matter.

He moved out, I moved on.

Oh. Good.

Yeah, do you mind me asking
what he does for a living?

He's a firefighter.

- Oh.
- Interesting.

A potentially jealous man
who's handy with an ax.

It's-It's okay, though.

He's almost had two
weeks to cool down.

Okay, the next drug is Romatrol.

Oh, I know this one.
We're actually

pushing it really hard.
It treats mild dermatitis.

Uh, correct. And who can it
be prescribed to?

Adults and children
who have absolutely, for sure,

stopped growing.

Right again.

And what are the side effects?

Oh, shoot, shoot.

Mm, remember the mnemonic.

Ah... GRAVY, yes. G-R-A-V-Y.

Okay, gastric distress,
redness, anal leakage,

vasculitis and yellow eyes.

Oh, uh, so close.

- It's actually yellow discharge.
- Oh, right.

That's why we went with "gravy."


- Hey.
- Hi.

He knows he doesn't
live here anymore, right?

Maybe he's experiencing
memory loss because he took...

- Flaxitrite.
- Yeah.

- Thank you.
- Uh, Sheldon, what are you doing?

Oh, I was just checking in
on my old room

to see what you've done with it.


Well, I could use a place
to work in the evenings, and...

- No.
- Well, it's just that

there's not a lot of space
in our

- apartment...
- No.

Well, and I feel like

- Amy's been having...
- No.

And since you're not...


- It's...
- No.


That is our room now,

and we're gonna
turn it into a gym.

Do you really expect me
to believe that?

- No.
- No.

So I guess what's bugging me

is that they only broke up
13 days ago,

and now I'm dating her.

So, am I, like,
the good guy in my movie,

or the bad guy in their movie?

Pretty sure you're
the weird friend in our movie.

I like her, okay?

I just, I-I don't know
how I feel about

being the third wheel
in a relationship.

Says the guy in my bed
with my wife.

Guys, I mean, he's around, okay?

He's apparently not happy
about the breakup,

and based on the sweatpants
he left at her place,

he's, like,
a medium to large man.

Maybe those are
his "after the holiday" pants,

like you have.

Oh, no. I mean, do you think

it's too soon
for her to be dating?

If you and Bernadette broke up,

like, how long would you wait?

- Oh, well, I don't even want to think...
- Eight days.


Two days to cry.
Six days to hit the gym.

First of all,
you already look amazing.

Aw, that's sweet.

I'm gonna give him
an extra day of crying.

The answer is still no.

You can say we wouldn't know
you're here, but we'd know.

Because you'd be here!

So, who was that?

I can't believe
you hung up on me!

What the hell?

What are you doing here?

I am proving you wrong.

I've been working
back there for hours.

You had no idea.

Do something.

What the hell?
What are you doing here?

- I-I am trying to respect Amy.
- Okay, look,

you have an office at work.
Why don't you go there?

I can't go to the office
every time I have a brilliant thought.

I'd basically be living there.

- Sounds good, do that.
- Yeah...

No. No, the campus
isn't safe at night.

There's raccoons and
undergrads just walking around

like they own the place.


I need somewhere to work
in the evenings.

You have a space
you aren't using.

Just... take a look
at my proposal.

What is this?

A rental agreement.

I will only use
the room for work.

I-I won't sleep here,
I won't eat your food,

I won't even use your bathroom.

So you can just walk in any
time of the day or night?

Well, he does that now.

At least this way
we'll get paid.

I am Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali,

and thank you
for taking a walk with me...

through the stars.

I-I think that one was too long.

Yeah, you're right.
I totally felt it.

Should we, uh, run it again?

Please, God, no.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Can I help you?

Which one of you
is Rajesh Koothrappali?

Really? You're not sure

which one of us is
Rajesh Koothrappali?

I am.
I was just trying not to be racist.

I'm Nell's husband.

Oh, uh...

h-here's the thing...
I didn't know

that she was married
until after...

After what?


I'm really sorry.

Well, that doesn't
make me feel better.

Wh-What would make
you feel better?

I want you to stop
seeing my wife.

Nice to meet you. Bye.

What am I gonna do?

Hey, buddy,
do-do you want to talk?

I thought we were
gonna start a family.

Next thing I know, it's over.

It's gonna be okay.

How is it gonna be okay?

You're sleeping with my wife.

I mean, besides that.

Can I get you anything?

A glass of water?

A laser show?

- No, thank you.
- Oh, good.

'Cause I don't, I don't
even know how to turn it on.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have come here.

I guess I just wanted to see
who she replaced me with.

Don't say that.

What you two had was special.

No one can replace you.

Did she say that?


I should go, right?

- Stay.
- Okay, I'll call you later.

Look, if it makes you
feel any better,

I barely know her.

And she had sex with you?

Nell tells me you're a fireman.

What's that like?

Okay, I-I-I'm really

with him back in that room.

He hasn't made a peep all day.

Y-Y-You don't get it.
All the years

that we lived together,

he drove me crazy
the whole time.

And now he's not.


D-Don't look at me like that.

It-it-it means he did it
on purpose.

It was a choice.

That-That's like finding out
Godzilla could've had Arby's

instead of Tokyo.

I don't think they have

- Arby's in Japan.
- Not my point.



I'm sorry. Am I
being too loud?

No, you're being perfect
and you know it.

Would you like me to be a
less considerate tenant?

No. Yes.

Stop messing with me!

Hey, I was wrong.

There's an Arby's in Okinawa.

He was best friends
with her older brother,

but he didn't even notice her.

And then years afterward,

they randomly bumped into
each other at the DMV.

Two hours later,
they were in love.

You can really see the sparkle
in his license photo.

He told you all this
at the planetarium?

No, no, we went
to House of Pies.

He got banana cream.
I got coconut.

We did halfsies.

You did pie halfsies
with another man?

You mean other than you?


I feel bad for him, Bernie.

He's a, he's a good guy.

Well, if you're uncomfortable
with it,

maybe stop sleeping
with his wife.

I don't think the sex
is the problem.

I know for a fact
I was just okay.

For the record, I'm the one

who introduced you
to House of Pies.

- Sheldon?
- Oh, Leonard.

Sorry, I just, I had
to get out of there.

What did he do now?

Nothing. He's being a dream.

Don't give me that look.

That's how Penny looked at me.
I'm not crazy.

Penny and I have the same
"You're crazy" look?

That's kind of sweet.

I know how to deal with
Sheldon being Sheldon,

but Sheldon being a-a
rational, thoughtful person?

I'm clueless.
I-It's like

when my mom called last year
to sing happy birthday

and I-I just threw up.

Well, if it gets to be too much,

you can always send him
back over here.

I made a deal with him,

and besides, that
wouldn't be fair to you.

Well, actually, I miss him.

He's been over there a lot.

Well, great.
Tell him he can come back.

I can't. He's thinking of me
and my feelings

and trying to be respectful.

That's what he's doing
to me, too, the jerk!

Stop that.

Hey, your mad look and Sheldon's
constipated look are the same.

This is nice.

It is.

She used to kiss me like that.

You okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry.


Oh, God, I'm so alone.

Sorry, I can't do this.

What's going on?

I met Oliver the other day.

Wait, you tracked down
my husband?

No, that would be weird.

He tracked me down, then we
spent the evening together.

I don't believe this.

He-he only did it
because he cares about you.

No, he did it because
he's possessive and jealous.

I didn't get that at all.

He made me feel
very comfortable.

Well, I'm glad you
two hit it off.

You know, I don't think that
you're being very fair to him.

You're taking his side?

No, but I should point out
that he did offer

to go to counseling, so at least
one of you is trying.

You're crazier than he is.

I'll tell you what, just
give him one more chance

and if it doesn't work out,

I'll be happy to keep
sleeping with you.

You would?

Either way, you've
got yourself a fella.

Like, how nice is that?

Hey, Sheldon.

- Hello.
- Hey.

So, your contract provides
for a three-day trial period,

and I don't think
this is working out.

So, to put it in legal terms,

the party of the first part
would like

the party of the second part
to get out.

What time does the
trial period end?

12:00, noon.

Yeah... what does
it say after that?

Eastern Standard Time.

That was three hours ago.

And, uh, since you
didn't exercise

your right to revoke,
I exercised my right to extend,

triggering this long-form
rental agreement...

of which you're
already in violation.

This is just
a-a bunch of paper.

You can't enforce this.

Hire a lawyer.
Let's find out.

This is not happening.

Be that as it may,

page nine says that
you have to provide me

with lemon-flavored sparkling
waters, so... chop-chop.

Hey, how'd it go?

Well, apparently
he's not leaving

and I have to go get him
sparkling water.

Why are you smiling?

I don't know.
It just feels right

to the stars.


Hey, buddy.

I talked to Nell.

She was pretty upset
after you left.

- Yeah, I'm sorry.
- No. No, no, no.

She told me that you said
something so creepy

that I seemed great
in comparison.

I know exactly what it was.

I... no, actually, there was

a couple of things
it could've been.

Whichever one it
was, it was creepy.

Anyway, uh, I went over
to comfort her,

and we talked, and I think we're
gonna give it another chance.

- I am so happy for you!
- Hey-hey-hey.

Hey, uh, we should celebrate.

House of Pies?

You know it.

Should we invite Nell?

- Do we have to?
- Nah.