The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 3 - The Dependence Transcendence - full transcript

Bernadette confides to Raj she isn't sure if she's ready to be a mother. Penny accompanies Amy to a university mixer, and Sheldon goes to unusual extremes to assist Howard with his military project.

It's pretty late.

You think I've got time
to run some more simulations

on the cooling system?

Sure, I'm still figuring out

the thermo-acoustic expander.

Oh, while you do that

I am going to pump
cerebral spinal fluid

through my brain cells to remove
the metabolic by-products

of the day's thoughts.


It's called sleep
and it's my bedtime.

Nighty-night, y'all.

Hey, hey, hey,
you're not going anywhere.

We only have two months to
deliver this to the Air Force

because of you.

I know, I was there.

Well, wake up!

We're gonna put in
a lot of late nights.

How late?

Well, I don't know,
midnight, 1:00.

One o'clock?

I'm not a raccoon.

If you're tired,
have some coffee.

You have some coffee.

I am having coffee!

And look how irritable
it's making you!


We're not gonna get anything
done if we start fighting.

Now, can you please try
to soldier through?


I don't think
I can go much longer.

It's been three and a half
minutes, wake up!

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ?

? The Earth began to cool ?

? The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ?

? We built the Wall ?
? We built the pyramids ?

? Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ?

? That all started
with a big bang ?

? Bang! ?

? The Big Bang Theory 10x03 ?
The Dependence Transcendence
Original Air

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

I had a bad dream that
my best friend became a tyrant

and forced me to stay
up all night to work.

Oh, I had a good dream that
when I carried you to bed,

I let your head hit
the wall and I laughed.

Good morning.

What is this?

Well, we didn't see you
last night,

we're not gonna see you today,

so we thought we could have
breakfast together.

Oh, that is so nice.

Ow, it does hurt!

So, what are you guys
gonna do today?

Well, Sheldon was supposed to go

to this party with me
this afternoon,

but I don't think
that's happening.

Oh, that was never happening.

Oh, I'll go.

I like a party.

Well, to be honest, it's not
like a "party" party,

it's more like a gathering

where scientists of different
disciplines get together

to share their work
and keep current

on what's going on
in other fields.

I don't know why
I called it a party, sorry.

It's okay, I'll still go.

You don't think you'll be bored?

Oh, I'll have some wine
and listen to people go on

about crap I don't understand.

I mean, how is it any different

than every
single day of my life?

I won't be there.

Look at that, it is a party.


Sorry I have to work
all weekend.

It's okay.

Thanks again for breakfast.

Well, I didn't get to
see you last night.

It was the least I could do.

You shouldn't have made
the alarm code his birthday.

So, what should we do today?

Oh, I appreciate it,

but you don't have to
spend your day off with me.

Well, I don't mind.

Oh, you want go to the mall
and look at baby stuff?

Not really.

Oh, come on,
we could share a pretzel

and get sideways glances
from racist old ladies.

I get enough of that
when I take Howard

to my grandmother's
for Christmas.


I know, why don't we get started
on clearing out the baby's room?

Isn't it
a little early for that?

You have to
get to it eventually.

Oh, there's so much junk
in there, it's embarrassing.

How can you be
embarrassed around me?

I'm gonna be in the room
with you when you give birth.

I don't think you are.

You didn't think I was gonna be
in your kitchen this morning,

yet here I am.

Psst, hey, kid.

Huh, what?

You look tired.

Why don't you have
an energy drink?

Everyone's doing it.

Oh, no, thank you,
those have caffeine in them.

Oh, sorry,

I thought you were cool.

I am cool.

This is Yoo-hoo,

chocolate milk's
delicious watery cousin.

All right.

But if you ever want to feel
like you have superpowers,

try one of these.

Superheroes take
performance-enhancing chemicals?

You bet.

You know why Hulk
is so strong?


You know why Batman
wanders around at night

getting into fights?


I am facing
a great deal of work.

And I do like things better when
famous people also like them.


It's on the house.

The first one's free?

Flash, how do you
stay in business?

You want to know my secret?

I bought stock in Marvel.

Hi, Bert.

This is my friend, Penny.


Hey, come on in.

I'll gonna go turn on
some rock music.

That's a geology joke.

Bert's a geologist.

And a joker.

How early are we?

Oh, actually,
we're an hour late.

I suddenly wish
Sheldon was here.

I don't even
know where to begin.

Well, in The Sound of Music,
Julie Andrews says,

"Let's start at
the very beginning.

A very good place to start."

Oh, I was gonna start
at the end.

Thank God you're here.

Well, I think the first thing we
should get rid of is that tone.


I should probably keep this

in case we have a girl.

Oh, that's a nice one.

Was it yours when
you were little?

My dad built it for me.

Wow, it's so cute.

This was the husband
and this was the wife.

They'd go out on
adventures together.

Cruises, skiing,

horseback riding.

That was really me just
duct taping them to our dog.

Oh, and did they have kids?

They did, but the mommy
and daddy didn't like them,

so they shipped them off
to an orphanage

I made out of a shoebox.

Yeah, that's not worrisome
at all.

Not every girl dreams
about being a mom.

Sometimes you think
you're never gonna have kids

and one day you wake up
and you're pregnant.

And it doesn't matter that your
career's going great right now

and that you and your husband
never even got to go anywhere

taped to a dog!

I skipped spin class for this.

Why is it taking him so long

to get a drink out
of a vending machine?

Oh, it's complicated.

He finds pushing
that little door

and reaching up into the machine
uncomfortably intimate.

Gentlemen, I am ready to work.

To quote The Martian, "Let's
science the feces out of this!"

That's The Martian the book

and The Martian the movie,
not Marvin the Martian.

Although to quote
Marvin the Martian,

"I claim this planet

in the name of Mars."

Are you okay?

Oh, I'm fantastic,
never been better.

I had my first energy drink

and I feel great.

Hey, you guys want to wrestle?

We can do arm,
thumb, mud, sumo.

Nah, we're not fat enough,
or wearing diapers.

You wanted him awake.

So should we talk
to each other or mingle?

I don't know where everyone is.

Yeah, I mean,

I could see him eating
one or two guests,

but not a whole party.

Well, I guess this is
kind of a bust.

You don't have to stay.

I'm gonna start cleaning up.


I feel so bad about
leaving him here.

Oh, it's funny, I was just thinking
the same thing about you.

Hey, listen,

could you not
say anything about this

to the people at the university?

You know, 'cause...

you're you and I'm me,
and it's kind of embarrassing.

Wait, what do you mean
"she's her"?

Well, you know how Amy's the
coolest girl on campus, right?


Oh yeah, everybody thinks so.


You tell me about your foot
fungus, but this is a secret?

I'm sure it's just
'cause I'm dating Sheldon.

Mm, actually, I think Sheldon's
popular because he's dating you.

Now Sheldon's popular?

What is happening?

Maybe we should break for lunch.

What time is it?

According to the world's worst
cuckoo clock, it's 2:00.

My head hurts

and I'm more tired than ever.

Why don't you just go home?

No, I can do this.

I just, I just need
another energy drink.

Oh, no.


I want another one.


That's a craving.

That's a sign of
chemical dependency.

You only had one.

No, I know,

but plenty of
things are addictive

after a single exposure.

I mean, crack cocaine,
nicotine, Pringles.

You know once one pops
one just can't stop.

You can't develop
a problem that fast.

You want to bet?
Oh, great,

now I'm addicted to gambling.

We can't afford to lose
any more time.

Well, this probably won't
work, but has anyone ever tried

to just haul off and
whoop the crazy out of him?

That's not helpful.

It's fun to think about,
but it's not helpful.

Hey, Sheldon, we are on
a serious time crunch.

We can't do this
without you.

Can you please
pull it together?

I'm sorry.
Yes, of course.

Thank you.

Just, please, bear with me
if I display symptoms

of caffeine withdrawal.

No worries.

You guys stink.

Sorry I flipped out on you.

I think it's just hormones.

I think you were mean
before you were pregnant,

but it's fine.

So, uh, instead of
cleaning out the room,

why don't we just decide
on a theme for the nursery?

Does it really need one?

Of course it does.

Didn't your baby room
have a theme?

Well, it doubled
as my dad's office,

and he was a cop,
so I guess the theme was

bloody homicide photos.

Oh. Mine was
Winnie the Pooh.

But anyway...

why don't we just
take a step back

and start with a color?

Right? There are
so many amazing ones.

Red, blue, green, purple...

Are you just gonna name
all the colors?

Well, not now.

I don't care what color
the room is.

Okay, well, I'm just
trying to help you.

Well, you're not,
so just drop it!

I'm clearly upset.
Why aren't you following me?

Sorry! Sorry!

And when Amy started using
a solution of chromic acid

and white vinegar to clean
all her lab equipment,

all of a sudden,
everybody was doing it.

You trend setter!

Just the right idea
at the right time.

Okay, okay, so Amy's cool,
Sheldon's cool.

Tell me about Leonard.

Leonard Hofstadter.

Oh, him.
I guess he's all right.

Apparently he tricked some
hot girl into marrying him.

That's me, I'm her.

You know, he
didn't trick me.

He just wore me down.

It makes sense
you two are friends.

I mean, hot girls
always stick together.

And you thought this
wasn't gonna be

a great party.

You know, I had no idea

Caltech is exactly
like my high school.

Well, it's not
exactly like it.

We're all
extremely smart.

Wow... you popular
girls are mean.

I'm gonna get some coffee.
You want some?

Uh, you're really going to
have caffeine in front of me

when I'm trying to get
my life back on track?

Uh, okay, let's pretend
you do have a problem.

I do.
You don't.

Yeah, but I do.
No, you don't!

But let's say you do.

And don't say you do,
because you don't!

Now, wouldn't you think
that throwing yourself

into your work would be
the best way to deal with it?

With what?
Your problem.

I thought I didn't have
a problem.

That was painful
to watch.

So where are we going?

I don't know.


How Thelma and Louise of us.

Raj, why don't I care
about anything?

I'm sorry?

It's my baby.

I-I should care about
nurseries and colors,

and I don't--
what's wrong with me?

Well, crime-scene photos
near your crib spring to mind.

I keep waiting
to feel excited,

but it's not happening.

What if it
never happens?

come on, look,

you're overthinking this,

You're gonna be
an amazing mom.

Even if you don't
believe it,

I know you have
maternal instincts.

Once, I was supposed
to babysit my brothers.

Our neighbor found them
naked in the backyard

eating crickets.

Happy and well-fed.

You see, that's what
I'm taking from that story.

Leonard, can I ask you
a question?

Is it about the
rotational symmetries

you should be
figuring out

or your fake
caffeine problem?

Howard, can I ask you
a question?


All right, I'll just
toss this out to the room.

Um, I was thinking
that the best way

to fight my addiction is by

weaning myself off in steps.

Now, I couldn't find
a caffeine patch,

but I did find
what claims to be

a mind-boosting
caffeine suppository.


You know, the interesting fact
about the rectum...


We are dealing with
an impossible deadline

from the Air Force
because of you.

So have an energy drink,
don't have an energy drink.

Order suppositories
and shove 'em

wherever you want,
I don't care!

You don't shove them.

They come with an
easy-glide applicator.

Listen to me.

We can't do anything
until you do your part.

So get up in front of
this whiteboard and do it!

I can't.
Yes, you can.


I can't figure out
the math.

I've been racking
my brain for days,

and I've got nothing.


I can't do it.

I'm not as smart
as I think I am.

I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.

It's okay, we'll
figure something out.

But what if we can't?

It'll be fine.
You'll see.



When the baby gets here,

you gotta teach me that.

Thank you so much, Bert.
This was great.

My pleasure.

You girls want
to take home

a two-gallon tub
of potato salad?

I think we're good.

Okay, well,
thanks for coming by.

You're nice people.

Well, so are you.
In fact, you know what?

We will never
take you for granite.

Did you get that?

A little geology joke.

You need to leave.

I'm in love
with both of you now.


Uh, pull over.

What? Why?
Who are you calling?

You're gonna rat me out
to Howard, aren't you?

You're such a snitch,
no wonder I don't like you.

Whoa, I'm calling
my dad, okay?

He's got experience
dealing with pregnant ladies

because he's an OBGYN.

And experience
with crazy ladies

because of my mom.

Hello, Rajesh.

Are you calling
to ask for money?

What? No.

Are you calling to ask
for things

that cost money?

Great. What's up?

This is my friend,

She's pregnant,
and she's a bit worried,

so I thought maybe
you could talk to her.

Of course.
What seems to be the trouble?

Something's wrong.

I don't care about
any of the baby stuff

every other mom is so into.

Honestly, I'm not even sure
I like babies.

Look, some people are
baby people,

and some people
are not baby people.

It doesn't mean you won't
love your own baby.

But I thought I'd be
more excited.

Oh, being excited
isn't a guarantee of anything.

Rajesh's mother was thrilled
when she was pregnant with him.

After he was born, she doted
on his every move.

And you know what happened?

He broke her heart,
moved halfway around the world,

and dates only
poor white women.

So you never know.

Thank you.
I feel better now.

- I don't!
- Good.

Bernadette, I hope
you have a daughter.

Um, I don't really know
how to say this.

Well, you could try
starting with "sir".

Right. Sorry, sir.

He said start with it,
not end with it.

- Sir...
- Hmm?

We've hit a bit
of a snag.

We're already behind schedule.

The computations required
to overcome

the deployability issues

are more significant
than we thought.

I understand that
we're under contract,

and I don't know what
the consequences

of violating that are,
but, uh...

we're not gonna
be able to deliver

in the time we promised.

How long do you need?

We-We're thinking...
two years.

All right.

That's it?

You're okay with that?

You think you're
the first government contractor

who isn't gonna deliver
on time?

We're still waiting
for a big space laser

Reagan ordered
to beat the commies.

Thanks for understanding,

Yes, thank you
so much.

We-We really
appreciate it.

All right,
pressure's off

Wanna see a movie?

Popcorn's on me.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==