The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 17 - The Comic-Con Conundrum - full transcript

The guys' annual trip to Comic Con is in doubt when Raj can't afford to go.

Previously on
The Big Bang Theory...

My father thinks the reason
I can't make a relationship work

is because I'm spoiled.

All right, how much,
exactly, does he pay for?

Okay, I'll tell you,

but please don't judge me.

He pays for my car,
my rent, and my credit cards.

I'm trying, but I'm judging.

Maybe your dad's right.

Yeah, women do like a man
that can support himself.

I have come to
an important decision.

I will not be accepting
your money anymore.

That's wonderful.

Yes, that is wonderful.
You will no longer be able

to accuse me of being spoiled.

I'm so proud of you.

Dad, I'm trying to tell you off,
and you're ruining it

with your delight and relief.




How bad is it?

Let me put it this way--

do you own a barrel
and suspenders?

Are you serious?

I'm not wearing this visor
to play women's golf.


Oh, let me guess.

You guys are drafting
your fantasy accounting firms.

We're helping Raj
figure out his finances.

Well, he has a job.
How bad can it be?

Well, his rent and car lease
are exceedingly high.

You couple that
with his penchant

for dining out and shopping...

Wait, wait, not shopping
for clothes, right?

Because look.

He also has a remarkable
amount of credit card debt.

I thought your dad
paid your cards.

I have a card for emergencies
that I pay for myself.

What emergency happened
at the L.A. Zoo?

That's a penguin I sponsor.

They're losing their homes
to global warming,

and my car gets, like,
seven miles a gallon,

so I felt bad.

What is Pink Cheeks?

It's intimate waxing.
Quit looking at that!

Maybe you should find someone

to help you get your
finances under control.

Like a business manager?

No, absolutely not.

You can't afford to hire someone

who'll forbid you
from spending your money

on foolish expenses.

That is a foolish expense,
and I forbid it.

What if there's someone
who just likes controlling

other people and stealing
joy from their lives?

He sounds like a sociopath.

We don't know,
his mother never had him tested.

You're talking about me.
Very funny.

Although I would enjoy
drawing up a budget

and forcing Raj to adhere to it

without an ounce of compassion.

Wait, wait, who's gonna
break it to the penguin?

Okay, Sheldon.

Yeah, I'm putting you
in charge of my finances.

I will not spend another penny
that you don't authorize.

Very well.

Hey, Comic-Con tickets
go on sale this Friday.

You can't buy one.

Oh, better luck next
time, Pink Cheeks.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 10x17 ♪
The Comic-Con Conundrum
Original Air Date

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

KOOTHRAPPALI:You're actually going
to Comic-Con?

Well, Leonard wants me to do
more stuff like that with him,

so I thought maybe
this year I'd tag along.

Well, that's sweet.
I bet you'll have fun.

So, do you want to come?

No, thanks.

I already live in a place
all the nerds come to.

Please? I went to your
boring thing last month.

My aunt's funeral?

Come on, even you
checked your e-mail

during the eulogy.

Well, I'm not going,

but I do think it's nice
you want to.

It's not that I want to go,

I just think
it'll make Leonard happy.

And if I have
to watch him

squeeze into an Ewok
costume, so be it.

Look at you,
going to Comic-Con,

talking about Ewoks.

I really have become
the cool one around here.

You actually think Penny
will have fun at Comic-Con?

No. Which will
make me miserable,

which is usually
Sheldon's job.

She's gonna hate waiting
in line for the panels.

She's gonna hate all
the crowds at the panels.

She's gonna hate
the panels.

She's gonna hate how often
we say the word "panels."

Why don't you just
tell her not to come?

Well, she's so excited,
I can't do that to her.

What if you make it sound so bad

she won't want to go?

That I would do to her.

I can't believe Penny's
gonna get to go,

and I'm not.

You can always watch
the panels online.

Oh, boy, we do
say that a lot.


Just wanted to be included.

Come on, Sheldon,
it's Comic-Con.

Just let me have
the money for this,

and I won't ask
for anything else.

You put me in charge
of your finances.

If you wanted someone
weak and spineless

you could walk all over,
you should have asked Leonard.

See? Miserable.

Okay, you're right,
I got myself into this,

but I've never missed
a Comic-Con with you guys.

Your father may have
spoiled you, but I won't.

If you want a ticket
to Comic-Con,

I suggest you figure out a way
to earn the money yourself.

Yeah, you're a grown man
who's highly educated.

You could charge people
money to punch you.

Go ahead, make jokes.
I don't know why you think

you're going to Comic-Con--
you just had a baby.

Well, so?

So you think Bernadette's
just gonna let you jet

down to San Diego
for five days

and leave her alone?

Hang-hang on.

So I have to bring Penny,
you can't afford it,

Howard's gonna get in trouble,

and this guy gets
to have a great time.

I'm gonna go as Dumbledore.


how's my favorite girl?


What you doing?
Making lasagna.

Oh, she's sexy, she can cook.

I'm such a lucky guy.

You want something stupid,
or you did something stupid?

No. I just walked in here,
saw how beautiful you are

and had to tell you.

Oh, dear God, you're
cheating on me with Raj.

Never gets old.

Okay, there is
something I want,

but it's not a big deal.

What is it?

Well, Comic-Con tickets
go on sale this Friday,

and I was hoping
I could go with the guys.

But before you say anything,
I'll make up for being gone

by doing everything around
here-- I mean everything.

I'm even gonna
answer for you.

(high-pitched voice):
Yes, Howard, you can go.

It's so hard to
say no to you.

Thank you.

So I'll say maybe.

What? Why?

You said tickets don't go
on sale till Friday, right?


You said you were gonna do
all this stuff for me, right?


See where I'm going with this?


If you don't know how
to make lasagna, Google does.

Okay, so this is the
main Comic-Con floor.

It's where all the
vendors and exhibits are.

Wow, that is a lot
of people jammed in there.

I know. Sometimes Howard
wears a striped shirt

so we can play
"Where's Wolowitz?"

Okay, now, Th-this is us
camping out in line

for the Avengers panel.

Oh, you really sleep
on the sidewalk, huh?


It can get chilly,
but Raj figured out

that if you pee
in a bottle

and put it in your
sleeping bag,

it helps keep you warm.

Here's the hotel room
we all share.

Well, you and I would
get our own room, right?

Every hotel is booked.

But, yeah, see
this space here

between Sheldon's
feet and my head?

That's where you go.

Well, it's no different
than when Sheldon

used to climb in bed with us
during a thunderstorm.

Don't worry, we won't be
doing much sleeping anyway.

It's like an
all-night party.

There's trivia contests
and Dungeons & Dragons.

As we like to say, it's
"off the chain mail."

I even said
"off the chain mail,"

and she still wants to go.

That's probably
my fault.

She may have heard about
my cool Dumbledore costume.

Okay, I can give you
20 bucks for the whole box.

But you charged me
hundreds for this stuff.

I know. And I did it
with a straight face.

But I need to earn
enough money

so I can go to Comic-Con.

Well... all right.

I'll give you 25 bucks.

That's my best offer.

I have no choice.

You know, if you want
to make extra money,

I-I could throw
some work your way.

I'll do anything.

Great, you're hired.

First thing you can do is
put price tags on these.

Start the little ones at $50.

You know, it's no big deal.

I can put up with
anything for three days.

Comic-Con's five days.

Are you kidding me?

Why don't you just tell him
you don't want to go?

I can't, it'll
break his heart.

You know, he's always
making an effort

to do things with me
he doesn't enjoy,

like going outside.

He is an indoor cat.

You know, maybe it
won't be that bad.

Leonard says it's
really mainstream now.

Comic books aren't
just for sad nerds anymore.

I mean, it is still a key
part of their demographic.

KOOTHRAPPALI:(doorbell rings)

Howie, can you get that?

Kind of busy.

Busy like I'll be with the baby

if you go to San Diego?

(footfalls running)


What's with the gloves?

They complete my ensemble.
What do you want?

I'm looking to make extra money

and was wondering if you had
any chores I could do.

Hang on.

Bernie, can I outsource my
chores to an Indian guy?


I tried.

Hey, I was thinking,

if you want to do
a couples costume,

we could paint ourselves green
and be Hulk and She-Hulk.

Or we could paint ourselves blue

and go as Nightcrawler
and Mystique.

Is there any scenario where
we're not in full body paint?

Yeah, if you want us
to look like losers.

Hey, um, are you sure the guys
are okay with me coming?

Yeah, of course, why?

This is just something
you usually do together,

and if I'm screwing it up,
I don't have to go.

Oh, why? Do you not want to go?

Why? Do you not want me to go?

No, I want you to go.

Okay, good, 'cause that's
what I want, too.

Now we're going
as Hulk and She-Hulk.

I don't want to take
my shirt off at Comic-Con.

If I may speak for Comic-Con,
we don't want that either.

Is that nice?

No, but it's honest,
and it sounds like you could use

a little more honesty
in your relationship.

Uh, i-it's more
complicated than that.

I'm always honest with Amy.

The other day she said
she was self-conscious

about the beauty mark
on her shoulder,

and I said, "You know,

"you can call that
a beauty mark all you want.

When there's hair growing
out of it, that's a mole."

Do you think
she's as honest with you?

I should hope so.

When she called me
an insensitive jerk,

I'd like to think she meant it.

There's got to be other ways
you can make a quick buck.

Yeah, you'd think.

Ooh, maybe I could sell
my blood and sperm.

I really should wear
a bell around my neck

so you guys can hear me coming.

Here, let me help you.

Thank you.

Oh, Double Stuf Oreos,

I remember when
I could afford you.

(Halley crying)

There she goes.

Stay, I'll get her.

Appreciate it.
That's fine.

She and I can cry together.

He's such a sweetie.

I know, I wish there was
some way we could help him.

If he could find a
girl with a good job,

all his problems
would be over.

Yeah, that's working out
great for me.

Penny says they're ready to go.

Very well.

Prepare for a long night
of deceit.

Sheldon, women can wear makeup,
it's not lying.

I was talking about Leonard.

And if makeup is

so truthful,

why is it called "concealer"?

Wait, wait, wait,
what's Leonard lying about?

He doesn't really want Penny
to go to Comic-Con.

He's just doing it
to make her happy.


Because she doesn't
actually want to go.

She's just doing it
to make him happy.

So they're both trying
to make each other happy,

and the end result
is they make each other sad?

That's hilarious.

I can't wait to tell them.

No, you're not gonna
tell them anything.

You're gonna
stay out of it.


Because it's between them.

Well, if you haven't noticed,

I've been between them
for the last ten years.

- Hey. - Hello.
- Hi.

Hey, babe, you
want to drive?

Sure, or you can.

No, it's fine, I know you
don't like the way I drive.

I don't have a problem
with your driving.

Are you listening to this?

They deceive each other
about everything.


Just so you know, that guy
in the parking lot hit me.

He wasn't in a car, but okay.

Just say you want to drive.

I honestly don't.

Amy, do us a favor,
please drive.

Sure, happy to.

If you want to drive,
just drive.

I don't see why this has
to be so complicated.

It's not complicated.
Amy's driving, that's it!

That's not it because
you're clearly upset.

PENNY: You're the one
who seems upset.

Why would I be upset?

Because you don't want
her to go to Comic-Con!

This is an interesting way
to stay out of it.

Wait, you don't
want me to go?

Well, I just don't think
you're gonna have a good time.

Yeah, well, get this:

neither does Penny,

that's why she
doesn't want to go.

You set 'em up,
I knock 'em down, good job.

Why would you say you wanted
to go if you didn't?

I just thought it
would make you happy.

O-O-O-Okay, hold on,
so if you don't want to go

and I don't need to bring you,
is everything good?

Hold on, I'm trying to
decide if I'm mad at you.

No, I'm happy I
don't have to go.

All right, problem solved.


Not entirely,

the fight over who's going
to drive is still...

Oh, my God, stop talking!

The place looks great.

Did you guys get a maid?

Kind of.

Dinner's almost ready.

If you like meatloaf, I'm
sure you'll like its cousin,

bowl of meat.

Hey, if you're still
looking to make money,

I will pay you
to burn that jacket.

Thank you,
but it doesn't look like

I'm going to Comic-Con
this year.

Well, with as much
debt as you have,

probably not
next year either.


This is for you.

What's this?

It's back pay
for all the babysitting

and taking care of Halley
you've done.

There's more than enough

in there to cover Comic-Con.

Um, I also take
care of Halley.

And you live here for free.

I do, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.

This is so generous of you, I-I,
um, I don't know what to say.

Now you can come with us.

Yeah, there's room in the
bed by Sheldon's feet.

As much as I appreciate this,

I can't accept it.


Halley's my goddaughter,

I don't take care of her
for money.

I would.

Keep it.
Consider it a gift.

Hold on.

Is it back pay or is it a gift?

What's the difference?

When the IRS questions us
in separate rooms,

we need to have
our stories straight.

It doesn't matter.

I'm not keeping this.

I'm trying to pay my own
way and be responsible.

Taking handouts won't help that.

So you're not going
to Comic-Con?

I've been plenty of times.

If I miss one, it's fine.
I'm a big boy.

I'm a big boy,
and if I missed one,

I'd throw a big-boy tantrum.

You know what?
I've gone 12 times.

Maybe I'll sit out
this year, too.


Maybe you and I can do
something fun that weekend.

Ooh, how about
white-water rafting?

Oh... how about
we compromise

and go on the Small World ride
at Disneyland?

You know what, I'm
not gonna go either.

I'm a father now.

I'd rather spend time
with my family.

You just don't want
to go alone with Sheldon.

I'm gonna go check on dinner.

Sounds like everyone's
staying home.

What do you say?

Nuts to that,
I'm going to Comic-Con!

By yourself?

Not necessarily.

I have four months
to find some new friends.

I'll go with you.

That's very kind of you, Stuart.

Check back in
with me in July.

KOOTHRAPPALI:There's my pretty

I'm not going with you
to Comic-Con.

What? Can't a man just be
happy to see his woman

and pat her on her second most
erogenous ball-and-socket joint?

He can, but it's still
not changing my mind.

Well, maybe what's in my
pants will change your mind.

It's a list of this
year's panelists.

It's long, isn't it?

== sync, corrected by elderman ==