The Big Bang Theory (2007–…): Season 10, Episode 16 - The Allowance Evaporation - full transcript

Sheldon and Amy have their first fight since moving in together. Meanwhile Raj is shocked at the reality of financial independence when he stops receiving support from his father.

(Inhales deeply)

Come on, raj!

You can do this!

There's no way.

What is happening?

This is an euler's disk.

It's a physics toy

that demonstrates
angular momentum,

potential energy,
and kinetic energy.

Aw, look at you
watching sports.

We're betting to see
if koothrappali

can hold his breath

longer than the
disk can spin.

Its weight and smoothness,

along with the slight concavity
of the mirror, means it can spin

for a long time.

But raj is from India,
which means

he's no slouch
at holding his breath.

Okay, I want in. Ten bucks says
I'll lose interest

before that thing
stops spinning.

Hey, Sheldon, I found a great
restaurant for date night.

Kind of busy right now.

Oh, an euler's disk! Fun!
Yeah, we're seeing

if raj can hold his
breath longer than it.

Oh. Immature.

How ya doing?


He's not gonna make it.

Yes, he is!
You know,

deep-sea divers holding
their breath for several minutes

have shown elevated markers
of a protein

that can signal brain damage.

Yeah, see, what's happening here
signals brain damage.

(Muffled groaning)

My god, how long does
this thing spin for?

Ha! You're interested!
You're out ten bucks!

It's slowing down!
Dig deep!

Like when we bet you couldn't
fit into Howard's pants!


He's not gonna make it!

Yes, he is!

Come on, raj!
It's like

your favorite movie!
You're just waiting to exhale!


Yeah! I knew you
could do it!

And j.. And just so you know,

my favorite movie...

Is Princess bride.

? Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ?

? then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... wait! ?

? the earth began to cool ?

? the autotrophs began to drool,
neanderthals developed tools ?

? we built the wall ?
? we built the pyramids ?

? math, science, history,
unraveling the mystery ?

? that all started
with a big bang ?

? bang! ?

(line ringing)

Hello, rajesh.
How are things by you?

Good, good.

Uh, listen,
i just wanted to let you know

when you get
my credit card bill,

it might be a little high
this month.

Well, you're a grown man
with a steady job.

Why wouldn't you spend
all your father's money?

(Chuckling): Oh, daddy,
you're so rich and funny.

Yeah. So what else is going on
with your life?

Uh, well, I was dating a woman
at the university,

but we broke up.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I know you are. That's why
you just bought me a new iPad.

And before you start,

I am not interested in
you arranging a marriage for me.

Oh, I gave up on that
a long time ago.

You did?

It's too much work.

You're an adult who can't get by

without an allowance
from his parents.

Women don't want that.

Wh-what are you saying,
that y-you're giving up on me?

What kind of father gives up
on his son?

I have six children,

five of whom are married
and self-sufficient.

I don't think I'm the problem.

I can't believe
what I'm hearing.

This is deeply hurtful.

You're also too sensitive.

Women don't want that either.

The food here's
supposed to be great.

Don't fill up
on chips.

Oh, I won't.
I have a trick.

I only eat
equilateral triangles.

Isosceles, isosceles,

oh, scalene...

You didn't see that.

Oh, look.

It's Bert, at the bar.

We should
go say hi.


Because that's what you do

when you see someone you know
in a public place.

I have multiple restraining
orders that say otherwise.

Sheldon, there's a difference
between greeting a friend

and following a celebrity
into a bathroom.

If the judge
couldn't explain it to me,

I don't see how you will.

Hi, Bert.

Oh, hey, guys.

What brings you here?

Oh, we're having date night.

I'm meeting someone, too.

Oh, really. Anybody we know?

I doubt it. I met
her on g-Harmony.

That's a web site for
geologists to find love.

That's a real thing?

Yeah. Their slogan is
"we're all about dating

and not the carbon-14 kind."

Well, have
a lovely evening.

Thanks. You, too.

If you think
that's more fun than talking

to Zachary quinto through
a stall door, you're crazy.

You know, we could've come
to you guys.

You didn't have to bring
the baby here.

Oh, it's okay. It's good
to get out of the house.

And the car ride
puts her to sleep.

Aw, that used to work
with Sheldon.

Yeah, until someone left him
in the drugstore parking lot

and he freaked out.

Who forgot to crack the window?


Leonard: Hey.
Penny: Oh,

someone's been shopping
at Gucci.

Yeah, I saw something for halley
and I couldn't resist.

That's so
sweet of you.

Yeah, it's a crushed velvet
baby cape.

Oh, no, now we have two.

That must've been expensive.
Yeah, it was.

But it's my father's money
and I'm mad at him.

What's going on with your dad?

And if you really want
to hurt him,

I look great in Chanel.
(Clears throat)

It turns out he doesn't care
if I'm married or if I'm single.

He's basically given up on me.

Oh, I'm sure that's not true.

It is. He stopped trying to find
Indian girls for me to marry.

All you did was complain
when he did that.

Leonard, he's hurting.
Let him feel how he feels.

Thank you, penny.

Shoes, I'm a seven-and-a-half;
Boots, I'm an eight.

...msn search,


and... ask jeeves.


Sorry, I don't have a list

of defunct search engines
that I miss.

Hey. Looks like I got stood up,

so I'm gonna head out.

Oh, no. Are you sure
you don't want to give her

a few more minutes?

Nah, g-Harmony recommends
after two hours,

it's time to cut bait.

I'm so sorry.

Bert, I insist
that you join us.

You really wouldn't mind?

Not at all. Amy?

Fine with me.

Thanks. I'll go grab a chair.

Sheldon, that was so sweet
of you.

Well, I could deduce
by his facial expression

and body language
that he was sad.

So the part where he got
stood up didn't clue you in?

You want me to look at him
and listen to him?

My father thinks the reason
i can't make a relationship work

is because I'm spoiled.

I'm sorry, is he waiting
for someone to disagree?

Just because he helps me out

doesn't automatically mean
that I'm spoiled.

All right, how much exactly
does he pay for?

I'll tell you,

but please don't judge me.

He pays for my car, my rent,
and my credit cards.

I'm trying, but I'm judging.

Maybe your dad's right.

Yeah, women do like a man
that can support himself.

But Bernadette makes
more money than Howard.

She basically
supports him.

Yeah, maybe your
dad's right.

Good question. Let's see.



oh, hotbot.

Okay, literally
any other topic.

All right.
How did you guys meet?

Actually, we met online.

Our-our first date
was at a coffee shop.

Although, unlike your date,
she actually showed up.

Oh, he looks sad again.

Well, I really envy
your relationship.

Other than you two only
having sex once a year,

you're the perfect couple.

You-you know about that?

Uh, yeah, everyone at
the university does.

Were you aware of this?

No. No, I only told Leonard,
Howard, raj,

kripke, uh, professor wu,
professor klein,

and a lunch lady
in the cafeteria.

How everyone else found out
is a mystery to me.

Why aren't you
talking to me?

Because I'm mad at you.

Well, now I'm sorry I asked.

Sheldon, it's humiliating.

Thanks to you, my colleagues are
gossiping about our sex life.

What is there to gossip about?

We barely have one.

That's why they're doing it!

Is it safe to assume
you're not speaking to me again?

If you're not answering because
you're not speaking to me,

perhaps we could come up
with a signal!

(Door slams)

Torrent downloaded by RARBG

That works!

You don't need your dad's money.

You can get by on your salary.

Well, we work at the
same place as you, and

we've always been fine.
Oh, please.

Look in the mirror. You both
look ten years older than I do.

All right.

Hang on. We can
figure this out.

Let's just go over your
expenses. How much is your rent?

I don't want to say.

Is it really
that high?

I don't want to say because
i don't know how much it is.

You don't how much
your rent is?

My father pays for it! Do you
know how much your rent is?!

Well, then double it,

because my building's
a lot nicer than this dump.

Do you know how
much your car costs?

Not really.

Well, how much
do you spend on food?

The housekeeper
does the shopping.

Oh, my god, you
really are spoiled.

I'm spoiled?!

Your baby has a cape
that costs $300!

I'm going to bed.

Well, wait.

This is our first fight as
a couple who live together.


I'm not sure of the protocol.

Television teaches us

that the man's supposed
to sleep on the couch,

but of the two of us,
you're clearly more sofa-sized.

I'm not sleeping on the couch

'cause you don't know
what's private and what's not.

This isn't fair.

You've discussed aspects

of our physical relationship
with penny.

That's different!

She's a close friend,
not the lady in the cafeteria

who cuts the crust off
your sandwiches!

That lady has a name.

I don't know what it is,

but one time,
i accidentally called her "mom."

Sounds like you're gonna
need a cheaper place to live.

When you moved here,
you didn't have a lot of money.

How'd you get by?

Well, sometimes
you can get free food

and Wi-Fi from the neighbors.

Just know

you might have
to marry one of 'em.

Hey, you guys let Stuart
live with you.

Why not raj, too?

What-what are you doing? I...

I-i-i schlepped the baby over,
i brought imported beer.

Why don't you like me?


I thought
we were best friends!
We are!

That's why I'm sad my best
friend's gonna be homeless.

I'm sorry, raj. We really
just don't have the space.

What if he lives in your garage?

What if you stop helping?!

Guys, I'm not living
in a garage!

Wait. Why are we talking
about our place

when Sheldon's old room is
sitting there perfectly empty?

That's a great idea.


if you need a place to stay,
of course you are welcome here.

Thank you, but if I'm gonna just
take advantage of my friends,

I might as well keep on
relying on my father.

Okay, only if you're sure.






Not exactly the welcome wagon,
but I'll take it.

What is this?

I'm mapping basic topics
of conversation

and with whom
they can be discussed.

I call these circles
"zones of privacy."

Don't Google that

unless you want to see pictures
of people's genitals.

This circle contains
only me and you.

It represents subjects we
only share with each other--

details of physical intimacy,
bathroom habits.

Although, as I'm saying it,

I may need
to add Dr. fink in here.

Are you really worried

about revealing secrets
to Stephen Hawking?

No, I was just excited
to list him as a friend.

Well, I do appreciate
you working on this.

I'm sorry you were embarrassed.

And now I understand that

some things are just
between you and me,

and in the event of redness
and swelling, Dr. fink.

What's that little dot
in the middle?

That's reserved for thoughts
i don't share with anyone.

Interesting. You really
have secrets you don't tell me?

Of course.

Can I hear one?

No, they're private.

Why? Are they naughty?

A little.



Two years ago...

...i got my driver's license.


Why didn't
you say anything?!

I like being
chauffeured around.

It makes me feel important.

So when I got up at 4:00 A.M.
to drive you across the desert

to an antique train museum,
i didn't have to?

No, you didn't.

But keep in mind,

I felt extremely important.

(Line ringing)



Hello, father.

We need to talk.

All right.

I have come
to an important decision.

I will not be accepting
your money anymore.

I'm a man,
and I can take care of myself.

That's wonderful!

Yes, that is wonderful!

You will no longer be able
to accuse me of being spoiled!

I am so proud of you.

Dad, I'm trying to tell you off,

and you're ruining it
with your delight and relief.


Oh, no, my grown son is going
to stop spending all my money.

Where did I fail as a father?!

Yeah, that's right.

Keep asking yourself that!

But I still love you very much,
so don't cut me out of the will.

Oh, you brought
your own lunch.

Good for you.

Yeah, I'm making a bunch
of changes.

This morning,
i fired my dog Walker.

Oh. How's the dog gonna go
to the bathroom?

Uh, I gave her an imodium.

That's tomorrow's problem.

Excuse me. May I have
your attention, please?

I have recently

been made aware
that my personal relationship

with Amy Farrah Fowler has
become water cooler gossip.

And I just want to say,
shame on all of you.

We're scientists.

Our minds should be focused

on the advancement
of human knowledge,

not the intimate details
of other people's lives.

He's right.

And I'm sorry for the part
i played in this.

Thank you, Bert.

You're a good man. That
woman who stood you up

and humiliated you last
night really missed out.

That doesn't paint me
in the best light.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

Correction: That woman not only
had vigorous coitus with Bert...

She also tipped him a
dollar for a job well done.

That better?
Not really.

All right, well, to sum up--
focus on science,

keep your nose out
of other people's business,

and, uh, whoa,
for a good time, call Bert.

What brought that on?

Well, last night Amy was angry

with me because I'd been
foolishly telling people

about certain personal matters.

That's understandable.

Oh, I know that now.

At first, I thought
she was cranky

because of her horrific
menstrual cramps, but... turns out, no, she
was genuinely mortified.