Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993–1999): Season 3, Episode 3 - The House of Quark - full transcript

Quark is forced to marry a Klingon widow after he takes credit for the accidental death of her husband, the head of a powerful Klingon House.

Now, I know we're doomed.

Why, brother?

Rule of Acquisition 286:

"When Morn leaves,
it's all over."

There is no such rule.

There should be.

Oh, I know business is bad,
but that's no reason...

Bad? Bad?

It's 2100 hours.

The bar's open.

There's a sale on synthehol

and there's no one here.

You, Ferengi!

Another bloodwine now!

At least someone is still here.

How many has he had?

A dozen.

I should have gone
into insurance...

better hours, more money,
less scruples.

It's all Sisko's fault.


That's right.

If he'd handled things better
with the Dominion

none of this
would have happened.

They want a foothold
in the Alpha Quadrant.

Cut a deal.
Make a few arrangements.

Give them a little something
for their trouble.


But no!
He had to play it tough.

So now everyone's afraid
of the Dominion.

Yes, but, brother?

And that means
fewer people on the station

which means
fewer people at Quark's

which means
I am out of business.

Where's my wine, you cowering
little Ferengi slug?

What's the problem?

He says he's out of money.

He's asking for credit.


I'll handle it.

Watch and learn.

My name is Quark.

I'm... like to discuss, uh,
arranging a line of credit.

You dare talk to me like that?

You pathetic mak'dar.

How long are they going
to leave him there?

I wish they would hurry up
and get rid of him.

I wish we could
put him on display.


Look at them.

They're consumed
with morbid fascination.

They can't wait to get in here.

They all want to know
what happened.

Was it a bar fight?

What started it?

And most of all,
who killed the Klingon?

But no one killed him.
It was an accident.

I killed him in a bar fight.


You heard me.

I killed him in self-defense.

But where is the profit

in lying
about a simple drunken...?

Look at that crowd.

How long has it been
since you've seen

that many customers
waiting to get in here?

This is an opportunity
to turn everything around.

This is insane, brother.

What if his family comes
looking for the killer?

What if they want revenge?

If push comes to shove

we tell the truth
and no harm done.

Rom, let me put it another way.

If business doesn't improve,
I'll have to start making

a few cutbacks
in the operation of my bar

beginning with... your salary.

How big of a cutback?

I'd probably have
to cut it back to zero.

All right, Quark.

Start at the beginning.

My brother fought a desperate

hand-to-hand battle
with the Klingon

and was forced to kill
in self-defense.

You killed him?

I'm sorry.

I couldn't avoid it.

He was abusive...


A typical drunken Klingon.

All that was fine

until it came time
to pay his bill.

He refused.
I insisted.

We began to argue.

He pushed me.

I pushed back.

I was about
to call for security

to throw him out of my bar

when suddenly,
he pulls a knife on me!

I avoided the first thrust.

He came at me again.

I hit him with a left jab.

There was
a furious exchange of blows.

The next thing I knew

his knife was at my throat.

So, I twisted it
out of his grasp

and plunged it into his chest.

I will never forget
the look on his face

when his life drained away.

I'd rather not talk
about this anymore.

Hi, honey.


Oh, what a day.

Synthale, tall glass.

We had three Coverian
freighter captains

all wanting to use
the same docking port.

Someone stole a case
of medical supplies

from the Infirmary.

Two power failures.

How was school?

I closed it.

You closed the school?

Well, why?

What happened?

My last two Bajoran
students left today.

Their families
relocated back to Bajor.

That left Jake, Nog
and a lot of empty chairs.

Well, what about Jake and Nog?

Won't they have to...?

I told them I'd be happy
to tutor them from now on.

Two students are not
enough to sustain a school.

I'm really sorry, Keiko.

It's not your fault.

Everyone's just afraid
of the Dominion.

People aren't going to be
moving their families

to the station anymore.

That means no more children

which means no more school.

Don't look so upset.

It's not like I was planning

to be a teacher
for the rest of my life.


I'm fine, really.

Don't worry, Constable.

I won't be dispatching
any more customers today.

You don't have
to keep an eye on me.

Oh, thank you for putting
my mind at ease

but I didn't come here
to protect the patrons

from your violent temper.

Then what can I do for you?

I just thought you'd
like to know who it was

that you killed in self-defense.


His name was Kozak,
by all accounts

a thoroughly
disreputable character.

A notorious drunkard.

Well, sounds like someone
who was going

to get himself killed
sooner or later.

It's a shame it had
to happen here.

Hmm, isn't it?

I thought you'd also
like to know

that Kozak wasn't just
some drifter passing through.

In fact, he was the head
of a Klingon family

a rather powerful family,
from what I can gather.

Now, do you want
to change your story

or do you want to wait
for Kozak's family

to show up and ask to see

the Ferengi bartender
who killed him?

I told you what happened,

Now, either order something

or make room
for a paying customer.

Brother, didn't you hear
what he said?

I heard him.

Then we have
to tell the truth.

We've made enough profit
in the last few hours

to make up
for the losses we had...

It's not about profit anymore.

It's about respect.

It is?

You see the way they look at me now.

I'm not just some venal Ferengi
trying to take their money.

I'm Quark, slayer
of Klingons.

I've struck a blow
for Ferengi everywhere.

But what about Kozak's family?

What if they come here
for revenge?

If that happens

I'll stand up, look them
straight in the eye

and offer them a bribe.

You killed my brother.

My brother killed
by a miserable Ferengi.

I never would have
believed it possible.

I can explain.

You'd better!

I want to know
exactly how Kozak died

and if I don't like
what I hear...

Believe me, you'll like it.

He was in my bar.

I asked him to pay his tab.

He refused.

I was willing
to let it go at that

but then, he pulled a knife
and came at me

and the truth
of the matter is

he was so inebriated
that he just fell...

I hope you're not
going to tell me

that he died in an accident.

You do?

Yes! Because there would be
no honor in such a death.

And if Kozak died in disgrace

then that disgrace
would be passed along

to the rest of his family.

So if you were
the cause of an accident

that will dishonor
my entire family

then I'm going to kill you

and stuff your miserable corpse
out the nearest airlock.

I see.

On the other hand

if he died as a warrior
in personal combat

then there would be no dishonor
for him or his family.

So what you're saying is

if I killed him
in personal combat, that's good.

Of course it isn't good!

He was my brother...


it would be honorable

and an honorable death
requires no vengeance.

Your life would be spared.

I wish you had been there.

You would have been proud
of your brother.

He fought a brave
and valiant battle

right up to the end.

It was an honor to kill him.

I'm sure it was.

Remember that
when you tell your customers

about the death of Kozak.

You can count on it.


What's going on?

You're five minutes early.

The canapés aren't ready yet.

Have I missed something?

Now, don't tell me
you've forgotten what day it is.

Well, it, it's not
our anniversary

or my birthday or...

I can't believe
you've forgotten.

It's "I'm married
to the most wonderful woman

in the galaxy" day.

I marked it in your calendar.

I don't think I'm too familiar
with that day.

Oh, it's an old Irish tradition.

Here we go.


I thought I should
start celebrating it.

Too bad it only
comes once a year.

Well, actually, it's
a very irregular holiday--

crops up all over the place...

sometimes twice a day.


What's a traditional






Oh, definitely fireworks.

I should be finished
the docking inspection

by 1300 hours.

How about lunch
in the Replimat?

Sounds good to me.

It's a date then.

See you later.


just wanted to thank you
for last night.

It was wonderful.

You've already thanked me.

Have a good day.

I'll be in Upper Pylon 2
if you need me.

I'll be here.

Who's there?

We're closed.

Are you Quark?

That depends on who's asking.

My name is Grilka.

Kozak was my husband.

Oh, uh... well, come in.

Can I get you a drink
or something to eat?

I've been told

that you are the one
who killed my husband.

I didn't want to.

I had no choice.

Was it an honorable death?


He died like a warrior.

I'm very sorry this happened.

Is there something I can do?

Actually, there is.

Defend yourself!

So this is the man who killed
my husband in personal combat.

What's this all about?
Who are you?

I already told you.

I'm Kozak's widow,
but first things first, Quark.

I want to know
how my husband died

and I want the truth.

All right.

He was drunk and he did try
to attack me

but he tripped and fell
on his own knife.

So you lied to the station
security officer

to your customers,
and to D'Ghor.

You must be quite a liar.

It's a gift.

I think it's time you put that gift to work... for me.

Cho 'echu!


What happened?

Where am I?

You are on Kronos.


the Klingon Homeworld.

You are in the ancestral home

of what used to be known
as the House of Kozak.

What's it called now?

Kozak died without a male heir.

The House no longer has a name.

What about Kozak's brother,

Juht! That pahtk's name
is not spoken in this house.

He is no brother to Kozak.

His family has been
a sworn enemy to this House

for seven generations.

But he came to DS9.

He told me...

What he told you were lies.

He wanted you to say that Kozak
had died in honorable combat

so that no special dispensation
would be granted.

I don't understand.

If Kozak had died in an accident
and left no male heir

the Council might have decided

that this was
an unusual situation

and granted
special dispensation.

That might have allowed
Grilka to become

head of the family,
even though she's a woman

but if Kozak died
in an honorable fight

was defeated simply
by a better opponent

then no dispensation
would have been granted

and without a male heir,
the House will fall.

That hasn't happened yet, Tumek,
and there is still time

to prevent it
from ever happening.

Put this on.


Because if you do not,
I will kill you.

I beg you.

Consider what you do here,

The decision is made.

There is no other choice.

Go'Eveh, Iu cha wabeh,
Mo ka re 'Chas.

Repeat my words.

Go'Eveh, Iu cha wabeh,
To va re 'Luk.

Let me ask just one...

Repeat the words.

Go'Eveh, Iu cha wabeh,
To va re 'Luk.

GhoS ma'lu Kah.

It is done.

What's done?

The ceremony is complete.

You are husband and wife.

And while you're at it

have Alpha shift begin
a series of battle drills.

I'm not satisfied with their
last performance evaluations.


Oh, ah, excuse me, sir.

I can come back later.

No, no, no.
We're done here.

What can I do for you?

Well, it's...

it's kind of private.

Wife problems, Chief?

How did you know?

Well, I've been a husband
and I've been a wife

and I know that look
from both sides.

Come on.


This is where we make
a graceful exit

and let the boys talk
amongst themselves.

Must be some kind
of human thing.

Well, I'm sure the old man

will be happy
to explain it to you

on your way out.


I guess, uh, Keiko
must be very upset

about the school closing, huh?

Well, that's just it, sir.

She's acting
like she doesn't care

like there's nothing wrong.

That sounds bad.

I've tried to lift
her spirits a bit--

romantic dinners

long moonlit walks
in the holosuite.

I even rearranged
my work schedule

so I could spend
more time with her.

Nothing seems
to make a difference.

But now you have an idea?

Oh, yes, sir.

Um, I, I'd like permission
to convert

one of the empty cargo
bays into an arboretum.

I think Bay 21 would be ideal.

The ODN conduits are shot

and the security system's
never worked anyway.

So you're saying yes?

Ah, sounds like it to me.


there's nothing
harder than knowing

that the person you love
is unhappy.

And I know how important it is
to do something about it.

If one empty cargo bay
makes Keiko happy

then I'm all for it.

I just hope it works.

So do I.

She sacrificed her entire career
to be here with me.

I owe her.

If there's anything else
I can do, just let me know.

Thank you, sir.

There being no special
circumstances in the death

and no male heir

I make claim

to the title and property
of this fallen House.

The Council has considered
your petition

and will grant the transfer

once the final rituals
have been...

The petition is out of order.

This woman has no place here.

Her husband is dead
and her House is fallen.

I ask that she be taken
from the hall...

I have performed
the brek'tal ritual, Gowron

and have chosen
a new husband to lead my House.

Enter, husband!

A Ferengi cannot be allowed
to rule a Klingon House!

All I have done is follow
the brek'tal ritual.

If the leader of a House
is slain in honorable combat

the victor may be invited
to take his place

and his wife.

You are the one that made
this possible, D'Ghor.

You certified before the Council

that Kozak died
an honorable death

at the hands of this man.

I am simply exercising my rights as an honored widow.

I will have your House
and your title, Grilka

and when I am done,
I will place your head

and the head
of this ridiculous Ferengi

outside the gates.

Uh, can I say something?

It seems there's
some kind of dispute

going on over some land,
maybe some other property...

I think maybe we should
consider a deal.

I should kill you right now.

Mev yap!

D'Ghor, you cannot challenge
this man in Council

without just cause.

We will have to consider
this matter carefully

before a final decision
is reached.

Until then,
the brek'tal will be respected.

The House of Kozak is gone.

For the time being, it will be
known as... as the House of...




The House of Quark.

I told you not to say anything.

I was trying to avoid a lot
of unnecessary bloodshed...

like my own.

Just do as I say and there
won't be any bloodshed.


What's next?

What do we do now?

How do we strengthen
the position of your House?

How do we keep D'Ghor
from carrying out his threats?

What's the plan?

I'm thinking.

You don't have a plan, do you?

You're just making
this up as you go along.

I've managed to get us this far.

But you have no idea
where to go from here.

Can I make a suggestion?

Let's try having a more
equal partnership, shall we?

What do you want?

Just tell me what's going on.

Kozak squandered much
of our family's wealth

incurred several
large gambling debts

made unwise investments.

As a result, the House has
been weakened severely

in power and in influence.

Much of the debt
is owed to D'Ghor

who is now ready to take
advantage of our weakness.

If he can gain title
of our lands and property

his family will become

a very powerful influence
in the Empire.

He may even earn
a seat on the Council.

Would it be possible for me

to see all the financial
records of your House

and I mean all of them?

D'Ghor's, too,
if you can arrange it.

Maybe I can find a way
out of this mess.

That is not
how we do things here.

We are Klingons.

We do not dirty ourselves
with filthy ledgers

for some financial trick.

Look, we've been doing
things your way

ever since this started
and now you've run out of ideas.

So maybe we should try doing
things my way for a change.

It certainly can't hurt

to let me look
at some "filthy ledgers."

Good afternoon, Chief.


Plomeek soup, hot.

Oh, with a touch of basil.

What do you think?

You're asking my opinion?

An arboretum.
For Keiko, I presume

to make her a little happier

now the school's
been closed down.

It's not just for Keiko.

I mean, it'd benefit
the entire station.

Do you think it'll work?


for about two months.

Then you'll be right back
where you started.

Two months?

Well, it's been my experience

that during any
serious disagreement

a smile and sweet words
will buy you two hours

flowers will buy you a week

an arboretum, well,
that's at least two months.

But, in the end

you still have to solve
the underlying problem.

I thought an arboretum

would give her a chance
to continue her studies.

Help her find something
to do with her time.

Like a hobby?


Exactly why it won't work.

You can't ask her to turn
her profession into a hobby.

Would you be satisfied just
pottering around in a workshop

building nano-circuit boards
and playing with tricorders?

I suppose not.

You're Chief of Operations

I'm a doctor,
and Keiko's a botanist

and until she can be
a botanist again

I'm not sure she's ever
really going to be happy.

Very clever.

Very clever, indeed.

D'Ghor has manipulated
your family's holdings

devalued the lands you hold

and he is
the principal creditor

on Kozak's outstanding
gambling debts.

It's no accident
your family's getting weaker

and D'Ghor's family
is getting stronger.

He's been systematically
attacking your family's assets

for over five years now.

You mean D'Ghor
has been scheming

and plotting like a F...

Like a Ferengi.

There is no honor
in what he has done.

If he wanted
to challenge my House

he should have made
a declaration

met our forces in battle.

And risk destroying
the very thing he wanted most--

your lands and property?

Can you prove any of this?

You can show the Council
exactly what D'Ghor has done?

It's all right there.

All I have to do
is talk them through it.

Thank you, Quark.

You may have saved my family.

Well, it is the House
of Quark, after all.

I really am very grateful
for all you've done, Quark.

That is why I'm going to let
you take your hand off my thigh

instead of shattering every bone in your body.

Let's go talk to the Council.

So, as you can see
from the gross adjusted

assets tabulation in Column "J"

the net value
of the land acquisition

was actually zero.

Now, if you go to the file

marked "devaluation
of capital income"

we can review the way D'Ghor...


I don't want to hear
anything more

about finances, mergers
or currency transactions.

The charge has been made
that you have used money

to bring down a great House.

What do you say to this, D'Ghor?

I say that he is a liar.

That he has smeared my name
and I demand vengeance

through personal combat.

I have discovered new evidence

evidence which proves
Kozak did not die honorably.

That he actually died
in an accident.

I have a witness who will say

he watched Kozak trip
and fall on his own blade

and that Quark made up
the entire story.

I don't know what
he's trying to pull here.

The only other person
who was there was...

Hello, brother.

Come on, this way.

And keep quiet!

I thought
you might try to leave.

Look, I have done my part
in this little game of yours

and I am sorry
about your House and title

but there's a man out there
that wants to kill me tomorrow.

It's a matter of honor, Quark.

D'Ghor has accused you of lying.

There's no way
to answer that challenge

except through personal combat.

To you Klingons
there may be no other way

but there's
an old Ferengi saying

about discretion being
the better part of valor.

Then what they say
about the Ferengi is true.

You're all lying,
thieving cowards

who have no sense
of loyalty or honor.

Sticks and stones.

I thought you were different.

I thought you had
something in here.

But all you have in there
is a piece of latinum.

And it's a pretty small piece
at that.

Let them run.

I don't want them in my House.

All right, let's go.



You think I should stay
and fight D'Ghor?

Is that what you're thinking?

How could you let her
get to you like this?

Don't you see
what she's trying to do?

She's trying to make us
feel guilty.

Well, it's not going to work.

You're right, brother.

You're a businessman.

All you care about is profit.


This was all just a ploy
to boost sales at the bar.

Who cares if some Klingon
female loses her House?

I certainly don't.

Me neither.


Now, let's get out of here.


where is the leader
of your House?

I do not know.

Then I say
that the House of Quark

has dishonored itself
before this Council

and I ask that it be dissolved,
and its land and property

be turned over to me
as compensation for...

I am Quark, son of Keldar

and I have come to answer
the challenge of D'Ghor

son of... whatever.

Whatever happens,
I am proud of you.

I wish I could say
that's comforting.




Go ahead, kill me.

That is why I'm here,
isn't it--

to be killed?

Well, here I am.

So go ahead and do it.

You all want me
to pick up that sword

and fight him, don't you?

But I don't have a chance
and you know it.

You only want me
to put up a fight

so that your precious honor
will be satisfied.

Well, I'm not going to make it
so easy for you.

Having me fight D'Ghor

is nothing more
than an execution.

So, if that's what you want
that's what you'll get--

an execution.

No honor

no glory.

And when you tell your children
and your grandchildren

the glorious story
of how you rose to power

and took Grilka's House
from her

I hope you remember to tell them

how you heroically killed
an unarmed Ferengi...

half your size.

Whatever you say, Ferengi.

What are you doing?

I didn't want
to believe the things

he said about you yesterday,
but if you can stand here

and murder
this pathetic little man

then you have no honor...

and you have no place
in this hall.

A brave Ferengi.

Who would have
thought it possible?

I believe there are enough
unusual circumstances here

to justify granting you
special dispensation.

You can lead your House
on your own

if that is what you want.

Yej rhin!

You have given me back my House
and my family name.

How can I repay you?

I would like a divorce, please.

No offense.

None taken.

I can give it to you right away.

N 'Gos tlhogh cha!

You're a free man.

A little warning
would've been nice.

Qapla', Quark...

son of Keldar.

Qapla ' to you, too.

I've never understood
what people see in that game.

Don't they ever get sick of it?


there's an agrobiology

for the Janitza mountains

on Bajor in two weeks.

They need a chief botanist.

I think you could
probably qualify.

0" Bajor?

That's right.

They've never surveyed
these mountains.

It's a very important

How long is this expedition
supposed to last?

Six months.

I can't leave you
and Molly for six months.

You can take Molly with you.

I've already checked.

And as for me...

well, Bajor's only three
hours away in a runabout.

We can manage.

When we moved here,
we made an agreement...

I know.

And I'm not trying
to back out of that agreement.

Don't let this business
about the school

make you feel guilty, and...

This isn't about guilt.

This is about you being happy

and me knowing that you're not.

I made a promise
to stay with you

and make this work.

I know.

But you're a botanist.

That's what you're
trained to do.

That's what you love.

Be a botanist, Keiko.

Be the best damn botanist
in the galaxy.


I haven't had
the chance to tell you

but in the Great Hall

when you stood there
in front of D'Ghor

you were magnificent.

I was lucky.

If it didn't work

I didn't have
another card to play.

Business is dropping off again.

Money isn't everything.

If father were alive

he'd wash your mouth
out with galcor.

You can't buy respect, brother

and that's what you
have now-- respect.

After all, that's what you
wanted, isn't it?

Respect is good,
but latinum's better.

Tell the story again

about how you stood there
in front of D'Ghor

not knowing whether you
were going to live

to see another day.

Everyone's tired
of hearing it, Rom.

It's not going to boost
business anymore.

No, I mean... tell me.

I want to hear it again.

All right, but I'm
taking this time

out of your paycheck.

Well, when I entered
the Great Hall

the first thing I noticed
was that D'Ghor

was about a meter taller
than I remembered...