Sleepers (1991): Season 1, Episode 2 - The Net Tightens - full transcript
VICTOR: Once upon a time,
a secret room was
discovered in the Kremlin
revealing that two agents have
been missing for 25 years.
How's that grab you?
Sounds totally implausible.
- It's probably true.
- Yeah.
Who the hell is this?
It's Vladimir.
Vladimir Zelenski.
What is the significance of
Alf's Wingless Wonders?
Mmm... Good old Bobby. Good old Nobby.
(CHUCKLES)
We think these two
young men are agents.
I don't wanna go back
any more than you do.
But I'd rather go in than have
them come and get me.
I don't want my family put at risk.
Look.
I don't even know where Eccles is.
How the hell are the
KGB gonna find you?
GRISHINA: It's them.
I know it's them.
- (LAUGHTER)
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
INSPECTOR: Right. Hold it there!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(SNORING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(SNORING CONTINUES)
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
Wakey, wakey. Rise and shine.
Come on, Boris.
Out of your bed, Ivan.
Party's over, comrades.
My God! What happened here?
Thought I was dreaming.
- (BELCHES)
- (GROANS)
GRISHINA: Identification is positive.
They are Zelenski and
Rublev filmed here in 1966.
And there is no
records of these agents
ever returning to the Soviet Union.
Then, what the goddamn hell
is going on here, Major?
The KGB are supposed
to inform us of any
covert operation in the UK.
We knew nothing about this either.
That's the whole point.
It seems to have been
a completely unauthorised operation.
Is there any significance
in these banners?
VICTOR: Uh...
Charlton. Peters. Moore.
All names of the England team?
Uh, yes, I've checked.
Thought you might have.
The question we have to answer is,
are these two agents still here?
Well, lost for a quarter of a century
on an island of 55
million people. Mmm.
Shouldn't be too difficult to trace.
I discovered both defendants
doing a funny sort of dance
along the towpath.
MAGISTRATE: A funny dance, Constable?
Yes, sir, you know,
sort of a Cossack dance.
Kicking their legs about and that.
I, uh, asked them what they were
doing and Coward replied,
"We're the Moscow
State Circus, squire."
And knocked my helmet into the canal.
In my opinion,
this sort of behaviour has
become only too common recently.
In the hitherto quiet
shires of England.
And although you
pair don't appear to be
the usual lager louts,
a more appropriate term
might well be vodka vandals.
(HUSHED LAUGHTER)
SANDRA: Mr Albert Robinson.
That's right.
They are all the same, men.
He'll have been out gallivanting
last night if I knew owt about it.
Well, he always rings me, Mam.
He's good like that.
What?
Oh, right.
Well, thanks anyway.
No answer from his room?
Probably means he's laying
comatose in an alcoholic stupor.
Unless of course he got distracted
last night and never came back.
I must have got it wrong.
They're saying he's
not booked in there.
ALBERT: I wish I'd never found you.
First you turn up with a gun to kill me,
then you land me with a criminal record.
JEREMY: I wish you'd never found me.
I also wish you had the simple common
sense to sling the transmitter years ago.
ALBERT: How many more times?
I didn't and that's an end to it.
When you get back to
wherever it is you come from
you better forget you ever knew me.
Don't worry. If they
make contact again,
- I'm going straight to the police.
- Well, you keep me right out of it.
That's typical of
you, isn't it, Sergei?
- You always were a selfish bugger.
- I mean it.
Completely out of it.
It's a million to one
shot they'll ever find us.
But if they do, you're
on your own, sunshine.
I'm so ashamed.
Drunk and disorderly, at my age.
(PHONE RINGING)
What's all this?
I'm going to need office space.
Your very nice house
manager fixed me up.
Of course, he did.
You seem to be able to
organise anything you want.
And I bet if they're still out
there, you'll find them.
I hope so. That's my job.
What about your private life?
Is that running smoothly?
I hardly think this is the
time to discuss such topics.
Of course not. Work, work, work.
So, if Zorin ordered
the film to be shot,
shouldn't you be asking him
what's it's all about?
Moscow's doing that.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
We've reduced his dose. He's awake.
But I hope you speak English,
because he still refuses
to speak any other language.
My English is fine.
(IN ENGLISH) Comrade Zorin,
you have a guest.
The KGB, yet again.
Seems they have nothing
better to do these days.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
So you insist on speaking English.
As obstinate as a mule, you.
(IN ENGLISH) OK.
My English is pretty best.
Don't you worry, my fine fellow.
We know you are sending Zelenski
and Rublev to English in 1966.
We are finding film about them
at World Cup final.
What do you think of that?
My fine fellow.
Do you think the good doctor
will allow me slabber?
Or just a slaver or dribble
to be slobber or be slubber.
To gobble, sloppily and grossly.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
You've spent 20 years here.
If you don't work with us,
I promise you another 20.
(IN ENGLISH) Ah. I have it.
And with the added bonus
of a triple word score.
I-M-B-E-C-l-L-E.
Imbecile, my fine fellow.
IGOR: Waste of
resources, if you ask me.
I've got two staff plying
through records of
every Soviet citizen who's been
in the UK in the past 25 years.
I, uh...
I noticed the Gorky play at...
Barbican.
It's had quite respectable reviews.
We're entitled to tickets,
if you'd like to come.
Odd that they were supporting England.
Odd that they were there at all.
IGOR: Victor is having another look
at the film. Might spot something.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, I'm
watching it right now.
It's crystal clear and it's in focus.
Yeah, well, of course,
it shows the disputed goal.
That's the whole goddamn
reason that I'm calling you.
ALBERT: I hope she gets me back.
Had a leaking hose on the way down.
I'm surprised she got you here at all.
Look,
it may not be a Maserati,
but it's been a bloody
good runner has this.
I'm sure it has. Now, look, I don't
want to be personal, old chap,
but this is goodbye
with a capital "G".
I had hoped you might have grown up a
bit in the past twenty-odd years, Sergei.
Sergei is dead and we never met.
Ciao.
(ENGINE REVS)
(CAR HONKING)
Stop! Stop!
You got Morris!
(CAR HONKING)
Bloody hell.
Excuse me.
Do you know if Chelsea won last night?
The game was cancelled.
Follow me.
It's rather silly, all this
cloak and dagger stuff.
You sure you're not having me on?
(CLICKS)
Yes. I thought so.
A leopard doesn't
change his spots, George.
Nor does the Russian Bear.
Great chess players, the Russkies.
Never make a move
without an ulterior motive.
Any idea what the meeting was about?
Quality is a bit iffy.
The directional mic
seemed to be playing up, sir.
ALAN: (ON TAPE) To be of
any use to my program me
it must be broadcast quality.
It is. And it definitely
shows the incident.
As I already told
you, it's crystal clear.
All I got, I'm afraid, sir.
Hmm.
Found out who he is?
Name's Alan West.
A television producer.
- BBC?
- No, the other side.
So, not necessarily a lefty.
Got a beard though, I see.
He produces sport. Soccer mainly.
Anything else known?
There is one thing
that could be relevant.
He spent time in Russia.
Worked on the Moscow Olympics.
Did he, by heaven?
Yes, yes, yes. This is
beginning to look interesting.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON EARPHONES)
Goddamn traffic!
This lousy city needs a network of
10-lane highways driven through it.
Yeah, it's a bitch.
Now give me an update on Grishina.
It's kind of hard to say, sir.
She never goes anywhere.
You telling me, she ain't
been out of that dump yet?
Not even once?
Now, let's get this straight.
What's the first thing
any red broad always does
as soon as she hits town?
Gets her ass down to Harrods
or South Molton Street, right?
Affirmative, sir.
Hmm. I don't like the smell of this.
You got any bright ideas?
All we know is that she's
an English language expert
with a technical background.
And word has it, she's going places.
Shit!
I've only been there for 30 seconds.
What the hell's the matter
with you goddamn people?
So, she hasn't been shopping once?
Something sure as hell is going on.
Hmm.
I love London, me.
When our Walter was alive, we used
to go down for a weekend, in June.
Trooping the Colour, and that.
Of course, we weren't
on no union expenses,
so we couldn't afford to
stay in no swish hotels.
It weren't that swish.
What, The Kensington?
Sounds pretty posh to me.
It had its own Jacuzzi and everything.
Nowt so grand.
What were the beds like?
Manage to get a good night's sleep?
She's dozed off.
I don't know. What a blabber
over a bloody stuffed monkey.
I'll get it back, love. Don't worry.
You definitely know this
bloke who went off with it, then?
ALBERT: Oh, aye.
Did he stay at the Kensington
with you as well?
Uh, yeah.
Funny.
Cos when our Sandra phoned the hotel,
the lass there said
she'd never heard of you
or your union booking.
Let alone, blokes
running off with monkeys.
Mam, shut it.
Right. Yes, it's just that
I'm rather keen on a quick sale,
and I'd appreciate a swift evaluation.
Excellent!
OK. I'll arrange access. Bye.
Ah, that's got them moving, Morris.
Let's see if we can wake up those
dozy bastards at British
Telecom, shall we?
Well, I thought I got a bite
and then I realised it
was snagged on something.
So, I waded in with me knife.
Expecting to find what?
I don't know. A bike or something.
There's all sorts in there, you know.
Ah, but not many of
what you caught, eh?
No, when I fished it out, I found
it were an old radio transmitter.
But no ordinary one. This was
a bit special, wasn't it, Brian?
Yeah. This one was Russian.
In fact, a recently dumped
Soviet radio transmitter
in British territorial canal water
sounds the sort of thing
James Bond might be involved with.
(LAUGHS) This is funny, yeah.
Indeed.
The British seem to have the most
peculiar attitude to the news.
Now, that was mullet lover television
program me in the Midlands.
- Did they show the transmitter?
- No.
Where is it now?
According to them,
the police still have it.
I'm trying to get one of our
local spooks to check it out.
I'd like to go there myself.
No way.
It's outside your
restricted travel area.
Isn't there anyone you bribed
to handle all that?
Doesn't work like that
around here, honey.
It's most important
I investigate this.
No, forget it!
You're almost certainly being watched.
You step foot outside of Greater
London and they'll bust your ass.
A seething cesspit.
A shrieking asylum
where they don't know
a bottle of Chateau Latour
from a bucket of Harvey Wallbanger.
You recognise that?
Yeah, it's vaguely familiar.
Ah, should be.
It's how you once
described Wall Street.
Really?
Actually, I'm rather
fond of the old place.
Come on, you hate that hellhole
almost as much as I do, Jeremy.
You wanna leave this green and pleasant
land to go to the New York office.
There must be a very good reason.
Is there anything I should know about?
I'm just getting a bit stale.
I need a change. A new challenge.
Don't bullshit me, Jeremy.
No, it's very simple, Baris.
I see my future in the States.
And I'd prefer to stay on
the Hamilton Fairchild team, but...
Look, this is all very sudden and you're
not gonna railroad me into a quick decision.
Gone for another walk, you say?
He wanted some fresh air.
Fresh air?
There's something up, Sandra.
Mam, please leave it.
Your dad never did the dirty on me
once in his life, God rest his soul.
But his brother Eric and that
piece from Ancoats.
Well, everybody knew what was going on
except your poor aunty Dorothy.
You had to feel for her.
It's not another woman.
He's the right age, love.
There's plenty of young lasses
down in that brewery
who wouldn't mind a ding-dong
with a married man.
And they don't give any thought to the happy
half and the home they might be wrecking.
Oh, Mam, please do shut up.
IGOR: Why do I listen to you?
If we're caught here,
we'll certainly be expelled.
Don't worry.
And I'm really grateful to you, Igor.
Your initiative won't go unnoticed
with the directorate.
I can assure you.
It won't go unnoticed
with Chekhov either.
He'll have my guts for garters.
Oh. What a strange expression. Relax.
No one will know.
(BELL TOLLING)
If you don't want
to know, just say so.
But I rather enjoyed the other night.
Well, so did I.
The earth moved and everything.
Serena.
Call Marcus Fielding, apologise
and cancel me for bridge tonight.
Do I give any particular reason?
Goodbye, Serena.
A little bird tells me
you've had an audience with Baris.
Really?
Must give Serena the
bullet one of these days.
She's worried about you, Jeremy.
We both are.
Sweet of you. Quite unnecessary.
Come on. You look terrible.
Serena says you're
not eating properly.
Something's obviously wrong.
All right. None of my business.
Quite.
No use smiling at me, young lady.
You journalists are all the same.
It's under lock and key
until some boffin chap pie
from London has
given it the once-over.
But it's such a good story.
It would make an amusing item
for our readers in the Soviet Union.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm all in favour of
glasnost and all that.
It's just, I have my orders, see?
Thank you for your help.
I'll go and interview
this Brian anyway.
One thing getting the local rag.
You'll be tickled pink
if he gets into Pravda.
(LAUGHING)
It's been quite a Russian week
round here one way or another.
Sorry?
ALBERT: Sorry, I didn't
phone you but, well...
All right.
We were out boozing.
I didn't wanna call you up sozzled.
That's the top and
bottom of it, honest.
You're lying, Albert.
I can read you like a book.
It's a lot of fuss over nothing, this.
It all started that night
you went out without a word
and you didn't come back till dawn.
I was chained up
about the strike and that.
No, Albert. Something else is up.
I'm not daft, you know.
Tell me straight.
Are you seeing another woman?
Bloody hell.
Is that what you think?
Well, what am I to think?
You won't be honest with me.
Never.
Never, never.
The day I look at another woman
will be the day hell freezes over.
It's only ever been you, Sandy.
You're everything to me.
Everything.
I still want the truth, Albie.
I still need to know.
She breaks cover.
Comes all the way out here,
buys a newspaper,
and then pops into
the local police station.
What the hell's going on?
MAN ON RADIO: Omaha to Kansas,
Olga's back in play.
Get in, get in!
I told you this would happen.
It's the bloody CIA.
For Christ's sake, Richfield,
it's the first time she goes out.
You've got two cars,
six personnel, and you lose her!
They caught us cold, sir.
I don't suppose you're any closer to
figuring out what the hell is going on.
Sir, we've got airbases
in that sector of the country.
I don't know whether
you've noticed, Richfield,
but we have airbases all over
these God-forsaken islands.
Sir, she bought a
newspaper in the village.
There may be some
significance in that.
Go on, amaze me.
All right.
It's a copy of the Huntingdon
and Northamptonshire Bugle, sir.
The what?
I should never have
left the Marine Corps.
These are delicate
times, for God's sake.
It was stupid, provocative and clumsy.
But essential for my operation.
I don't give a damn about that.
How the hell is the
Home Office gonna take it
when they hear that the KGB has been
cruising around Northamptonshire,
playing hide-and-seek with
Uncle Sam's goddamn flying circus?
I lost them, sir, so there
was no real incident.
Kostov!
You consider yourself lucky
that I don't expel you myself.
I can understand your anger.
But the risk was more than worthwhile.
What?
Some radio ham dumps his crummy Russian
set in the canal because it doesn't work.
Oh, that's a big deal.
Hold the front page.
And these vodka bandits.
Coward and Robinson.
They're clearly English.
Obviously just a couple
of assholes clowning around.
Yes, it may be a coincidence,
but I insist it's followed up.
Major Grishina.
You're a million miles away.
You follow it up your goddamn self.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
GEORGE: They met again, sir.
This time, they handed over
what looks like a can of film, sir.
Really?
I think it might be
some sort of Soviet attempt to
infiltrate the British media, sir.
From what I've seen on the box,
they achieved that years ago.
(CHUCKLES) Very good, sir.
Is it a bit chilly in
here or is it me?
I fired off a memo but apparently,
the boiler's likely to be on the blink
all morning, George, so get on with it.
Oh, right.
Uh...
Their target this time seems to be sport
rather than current affairs or drama, sir.
Very odd.
Indeed, but playwright's contact
currently produces
a program me called Soccer Scene.
- Ever watched it?
- No, sir.
But I put in a requisition for media
surveillance to video it for us.
Well, let's hope the
sodding machine's working.
I don't know, George,
the whole outfit's going to pot.
Listen to this.
"Can our department spare anybody
to go to Northants
"to take a butchers at some
old radio found in a canal?"
I ask you, who the bloody hell
do they think we are?
(DOG BARKING)
About time. Your tea's ready.
How long's that car been outside?
What car?
Dad, when's Morris coming home?
Soon, I told you.
There's no need to snap at her.
I'm sorry.
It'll be soon, I promise. OK?
Well, whatever general trend's doing there's
always a market for quality property.
Well, I bow to your expertise.
Let's just hope we can place it soon.
I only wish I could afford it.
Look, why don't we
have lunch together?
Maybe I could give you a few tips on
how to become a wealthy young woman.
Oh. I'd love to.
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
Excuse me.
The owner, by the
way, is extremely dishy.
Unfortunately, he
doesn't come with it.
Sorry to barge in, but you're going to
have a square meal tonight, like it or not.
Oh, well done, Alison.
Should've known there'd be a queue.
Forget it for tonight.
Let me take you for a traditional
British curry. You'll love it.
(SIGHS) Look.
The boss is right.
Cossack dancing does not make Misters
Coward and Robinson into KGB agents.
But doesn't it seem curious to you?
A company director from London
and a shop steward from Lancashire,
getting drunk together in a
small village miles from anywhere.
Nothing about the English
and drinking surprises me.
And they do their Cossack dance
on the very banks of the canal.
Where a Soviet radio transmitter
happens to be found.
At the academy, we played a game.
Finding hidden words
within words.
IGOR: Jeremy Coward.
Albert Robinson.
(SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN)
Incredible.
Amazing.
Unbelievable!
(LAUGHTER)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Yes, sir. What can we do for you?
My name is...
Vladimir Yefimovich Zelenski.
I am an illegal immigrant.
A citizen of the Soviet Union.
And an agent of the KGB.
I've come to surrender myself
to the British authorities.
Thanks. I really enjoyed that.
Pretty basic nosh.
Fills a corner, as
my mother would say.
Didn't see you as a cuddly
toy person, Jeremy.
Probably quite a few things
you don't know about me.
I think I'd better wash
up and leave you to it.
You really shouldn't have
gone to all this trouble.
You may not want to hear this, but I did
it because I happen to care about you.
I care because somewhere,
behind that pebble-smooth performance,
is a fundamentally decent man who
desperately needs to touch another being.
Not just screw them.
Touch them.
Coffee?
Mmm?
I want 'em away from me house.
Away from me wife and kids.
And I want a guarantee that my family will
have 24 hours protection if necessary.
All right, all right. Now,
hold on. Just hold on.
I've got a unit on its way.
Let's just first ascertain who the
occupants of the parked car are
and what they're doing
outside your house.
For God's sake!
How many more times? The KGB!
I'm an agent myself.
I'd know them anywhere!
Sit down.
Please.
I just want to clarify
a couple of points.
Now.
Your name is Vladimir
Yefimovich Zelenski.
And you're a Soviet agent.
Yeah.
Well, can you enlighten me
as to why you've got
a broad Mancunian accent?
You live in a council house in Eccles
and you've got three kids
named Gary, Wayne and Sharon.
Please.
Just get them away from me family.
(SIREN WAILING)
What are you doing?
Out, out, out, out, out!
Police.
Department of Social Security.
Right.
On your feet, comrade.
We've got enough on our plates
holding together
the tattered fabric of
decadent Western civilisation
without comedians like
you wasting our time.
Your KGB hit squad
are in fact the DSS,
keeping an eye on your
next-door neighbour.
What?
Who's apparently claiming to be
disabled and unfit for work.
At the same time as putting in
a 10-hour day as a scaffolder.
- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm bloody sure!
Like I'm sure your real name
is Albert Robinson.
Not Nikita bloody Khrushchev.
Like I'm sure that you were nicked
last week in Northampton for D and D.
And like I'm sure, that if you
don't get out of here right now,
I'm gonna kick your arse
from here to breakfast time.
Now, out.
Now! Before I throw
the sodding book at you!
(lNDISTINCT MUTTERING)
(SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN)
Leave me alone!
Leave me alone!
(SHOUTING)
(IN ENGLISH) Shh, it's all right.
You're having a bad dream.
Hey, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Yeah.
(lNDISTINCT TALKING ON RADIO)
Right, that's it. Didn't get
back till the early hours.
You hardly slept a wink and you
haven't touched your breakfast.
I'm not going on like this, you know.
When you get back tonight, you and me
are gonna have a straight talk.
I want it out in the
open, whatever it is.
Gary, Wayne. Are you dressed yet?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
very ingenious, Kostov.
And I suppose you think the sun
shines out of Major Grishina's ass?
No, sir, but I do think
she is onto something.
OK, OK.
What does it mean?
If Coward and Robinson are in truth
Rublev and Zelenski,
then it means they are still
working together as a cell.
Doing what, for God's sake?
The analysis is that
they're long term sleepers.
But it appears they have
assumed the botched radio contact
from Moscow was an activation
signal led to start the operation.
An operation that was secretly
hatched up back in the Cold War.
Yeah, I know that.
But I need to know
what is happening now.
You've got two mavericks out there
on the rogue operation
that could cause great embarrassment
to the Soviet Union.
That's what's happening now.
OK, this is the way I see it, sir.
Major Grishina's an
electronics expert.
She's been sent over by the Reds
because they have lost some
extremely valuable
communications hardware.
Which a Soviet field agent accidentally
drops into the Grand Junction Canal.
Jesus H. Christ...
Sir, the accident was
that somebody found it.
Now, it would be high tech, water resistant
and probably put there for security purposes.
Sir, there's a simple
way to check this out.
The hardware is currently in the
possession of the British Police.
Hey, I ain't turning this over to
those devious sons of bitches at Ml5.
It wasn't my suggestion, sir.
What is your suggestion, Richfield?
I would like you to authorise
a covert operation
to liberate the
Russian transmitter, sir.
You want me to give you permission
to burglarise
the Northamptonshire constabulary?
Affirmative, sir.
K1: Drinky, drinky,
make you feel better.
GEORGE: Do you mind
if I take my coat off, sir?
- I find it a little sticky in here.
- By all means.
The concept of thermostatic control
seems entirely beyond those
cretins in boiler maintenance.
So, fill me in.
Well, sir, the only thing
I can definitely say is that
playwright has handed over some film
to this TV producer.
I mean, presumably it'll
show on his program me.
Yes, and his program me, Soccer Scene,
gets very high ratings among
socio-economic groups C3 and C4.
In other words, lager
louts and hooligans.
Baffling, isn't it?
Not to me, George.
English soccer hooligans have
long been a national disgrace.
Every time those fans misbehave,
it reflects very badly on our country.
That's true, sir.
What if the Soviets,
via programmes like this,
are using television to
orchestrate this violence
and undermine our system?
It's a bit far-fetched, sir.
Millwall fans being whipped into
a Moscow inspired frenzy
by Saint and Greavsie? (LAUGHS)
Don't be flippant.
When you've been in the service as long as I
have, you'll learn that nothing but nothing
is far-fetched.
Yes, sir. Sorry.
I want to know exactly what it was
that Chekhov handed over.
Get onto Special Branch and arrange
a discreet tiptoe into the studio
and a quiet peek at this film.
ELSIE: Bloody obvious what's going on.
He's left you for another woman.
Doesn't have the decency
to tell you to your face.
It's being an orphan that does it.
They don't have feelings like we do.
I'll wring his bloody neck
when I catch up with him.
ALBERT: I have done my best
to provide for you and the kids.
I've seen a solicitor.
Everything is now in your name.
It's best now that I go and you
never know who and what I really am.
I sure can't figure it but I'm
not gonna stand in your way.
I talked to Marvin Barkowski.
He suggests you two have dinner
together when he's in the UK next week.
Thanks, Baris, I appreciate that.
Look, if there's anything shady
about this I'll have your ass, Jeremy.
No, no, no, don't worry.
I really am very grateful.
ALBERT: Hello, Jeremy.
Old chap.
Old chum.
How the devil are you, my fine fellow?
Catch you in the
restaurant. Won't be a tick.
Why can't you stand on your
own two feet, you selfish bastard?
We're going to the
Home Office, Sergei.
It's the only way.
All right, we'll go to them.
Convince them who we are.
What then? You thought about that?
It's better than waiting for the KGB.
Oh, don't be so bloody naive.
They'll either lock us up
for the rest of our lives
or they'll hand us over
to some sodding glasnost deal.
Or they'll make us work for Ml5.
For crying out loud, our lives will
never be our own again.
I can't sleep, Sergei.
And I've started
dreaming in Russian again.
VICTOR: Forget Little
Miss Iron Knickers.
I am taking over.
I want these guys found.
It's top priority. Everyone on it
we can spare, OK?
Sure.
There's literally hundreds of people
called Albert Robinson in Lancashire.
- But a lot fewer Jeremy Cowards in London.
- Yeah, yeah, I know that.
But photo surveillance is already
secretly snapping all the Jeremy Cowards
we can find. Now you keep them
at it, Kostov, understand?
Sir.
KGB may have lost these guys but
the lD's gonna find them, right?
- Right, sir.
- You'd better believe it.
Thanks very much.
Come on.
- How much did you pay for that?
- Fifteen pounds.
(SCOFFS) Bit bloody
steep for spam, isn't it?
It's not spam. It's called salami.
Look, why don't you do what I'm doing?
Go home, don't panic and tough it out.
If you're not panicking, why have
you changed your phone number?
Sensible precaution.
How did you trace me
to my office, by the way?
Glove compartment of your Maserati.
- Ferrari.
- Posh Italian car.
You left an American Express letter
in there with the address on it.
Shit, of course.
(CHUCKLES) All
right, so be it, Sergei.
But talking to you has
cheered me up a bit.
Jolly good. Pass the
oregano, would you?
Ore-what?
Why don't you let me carry the basket?
I mean, you know
what you want, I don't.
- I always carry the basket for Sandra.
- It's all right. It's all right.
- No, I'll do it.
- No, I'll do it.
- If I carry it...
- I'll carry it.
If you're going to squabble,
I should get one each.
This is ridiculous.
Why don't you go home and stay there?
No, I can't live a lie.
Can't deceive Sandra any more.
I've left home for good.
What plans have you got?
Haven't really thought.
I suppose I could stay at your
place till I sort something out.
No, absolutely not.
Out of the question.
- Why?
- I positively don't want you
anywhere near my place.
I could give you some money
for a hotel. How much do you want?
- How much do you want?
- I don't want... I don't want any money.
Excuse me.
(TYRES SCREECHING)
Camera work's dreadful.
But, boy, do they capture the goal.
Just coming up.
Don't move. Special Branch.
We have a warrant.
VICTOR: Ah, unless this
Jeremy Coward here's
put on five stone and had his
nose broke in several places
I think we'll pass on this one.
What do we pay these assholes for? This
one's West Indian, for Christ's sake.
Good evening, comrades.
I'm sure you intended to let me know
you were having those taken.
No matter. The photo lab technician was
sweet enough to let me look them over first.
You haven't seen this set yet.
Physically, he hasn't
changed a great deal.
But agent Sergei Rublev,
first Director at KGB,
has become Jeremy Coward,
Executive Director, Hamilton
Fairchild lnvestment Bank.
One down, one to go I think.
ALBERT: For what it's worth, I didn't
deceive you when I told you I loved you.
I loved you when we
first met. I love you now.
I will always love you.
I hope one day, you and the kids will get
over this dreadful thing I've done to you.
Goodbye, my darling squidgy face.
Forgive me.
Albert.
P.S.
Wherever I am,
and whatever happens to me,
I will always be thinking of you.
You got a lovely home, Sergei.
I will say that.
Not exactly a home.
Morris tells me he
can't stand the place.
Aye, well.
He's being sent back
up north in the morning,
where he belongs.
What's your poll tax like here?
It's a solid Tory borough.
- It's very reasonable.
- Aye.
- Bloody fiddle more like.
- Of course it is.
(CHUCKLES)
I think we should stay off politics,
don't you, comrade?
All this new market economy.
They'll be getting the
poll tax in Russia next.
Together with all the
other Western goodies.
Unemployment, drugs.
- Quiz shows.
- (SCOFFS)
Extraordinary, the way things
are changing over there though.
Don't you think?
It's fascinating.
I bought it all in a
very detached way.
Realised I was looking
at it like an outsider.
An Englishman, in fact.
Yeah.
I know what you mean.
Hmm.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Lots of things I loathe
about England, of course.
The litter.
The small minded jingoism.
- Snobbish class ridden institutions.
- (SCOFFS)
You seem to have done all right
out of the class you joined.
Nonsense.
And don't slosh that rum as if it were a
glass of brown ale. Frightful little oik.
Ah.
What was it?
Beef bourguignon for me tea?
Drop of French brandy to wash it down.
Hey, I don't know I'm born.
Sergei.
Is there anyone in this block
claiming social security?
Well, at 400 grand a pad,
perhaps we all should be.
I got an awful feeling,
this time it's not the DSS.
What do you think?
JEREMY: Bugger.
Looks like dobriy
den in Knightsbridge.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
a secret room was
discovered in the Kremlin
revealing that two agents have
been missing for 25 years.
How's that grab you?
Sounds totally implausible.
- It's probably true.
- Yeah.
Who the hell is this?
It's Vladimir.
Vladimir Zelenski.
What is the significance of
Alf's Wingless Wonders?
Mmm... Good old Bobby. Good old Nobby.
(CHUCKLES)
We think these two
young men are agents.
I don't wanna go back
any more than you do.
But I'd rather go in than have
them come and get me.
I don't want my family put at risk.
Look.
I don't even know where Eccles is.
How the hell are the
KGB gonna find you?
GRISHINA: It's them.
I know it's them.
- (LAUGHTER)
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
INSPECTOR: Right. Hold it there!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(SNORING)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(SNORING CONTINUES)
(DOOR UNLOCKING)
Wakey, wakey. Rise and shine.
Come on, Boris.
Out of your bed, Ivan.
Party's over, comrades.
My God! What happened here?
Thought I was dreaming.
- (BELCHES)
- (GROANS)
GRISHINA: Identification is positive.
They are Zelenski and
Rublev filmed here in 1966.
And there is no
records of these agents
ever returning to the Soviet Union.
Then, what the goddamn hell
is going on here, Major?
The KGB are supposed
to inform us of any
covert operation in the UK.
We knew nothing about this either.
That's the whole point.
It seems to have been
a completely unauthorised operation.
Is there any significance
in these banners?
VICTOR: Uh...
Charlton. Peters. Moore.
All names of the England team?
Uh, yes, I've checked.
Thought you might have.
The question we have to answer is,
are these two agents still here?
Well, lost for a quarter of a century
on an island of 55
million people. Mmm.
Shouldn't be too difficult to trace.
I discovered both defendants
doing a funny sort of dance
along the towpath.
MAGISTRATE: A funny dance, Constable?
Yes, sir, you know,
sort of a Cossack dance.
Kicking their legs about and that.
I, uh, asked them what they were
doing and Coward replied,
"We're the Moscow
State Circus, squire."
And knocked my helmet into the canal.
In my opinion,
this sort of behaviour has
become only too common recently.
In the hitherto quiet
shires of England.
And although you
pair don't appear to be
the usual lager louts,
a more appropriate term
might well be vodka vandals.
(HUSHED LAUGHTER)
SANDRA: Mr Albert Robinson.
That's right.
They are all the same, men.
He'll have been out gallivanting
last night if I knew owt about it.
Well, he always rings me, Mam.
He's good like that.
What?
Oh, right.
Well, thanks anyway.
No answer from his room?
Probably means he's laying
comatose in an alcoholic stupor.
Unless of course he got distracted
last night and never came back.
I must have got it wrong.
They're saying he's
not booked in there.
ALBERT: I wish I'd never found you.
First you turn up with a gun to kill me,
then you land me with a criminal record.
JEREMY: I wish you'd never found me.
I also wish you had the simple common
sense to sling the transmitter years ago.
ALBERT: How many more times?
I didn't and that's an end to it.
When you get back to
wherever it is you come from
you better forget you ever knew me.
Don't worry. If they
make contact again,
- I'm going straight to the police.
- Well, you keep me right out of it.
That's typical of
you, isn't it, Sergei?
- You always were a selfish bugger.
- I mean it.
Completely out of it.
It's a million to one
shot they'll ever find us.
But if they do, you're
on your own, sunshine.
I'm so ashamed.
Drunk and disorderly, at my age.
(PHONE RINGING)
What's all this?
I'm going to need office space.
Your very nice house
manager fixed me up.
Of course, he did.
You seem to be able to
organise anything you want.
And I bet if they're still out
there, you'll find them.
I hope so. That's my job.
What about your private life?
Is that running smoothly?
I hardly think this is the
time to discuss such topics.
Of course not. Work, work, work.
So, if Zorin ordered
the film to be shot,
shouldn't you be asking him
what's it's all about?
Moscow's doing that.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
We've reduced his dose. He's awake.
But I hope you speak English,
because he still refuses
to speak any other language.
My English is fine.
(IN ENGLISH) Comrade Zorin,
you have a guest.
The KGB, yet again.
Seems they have nothing
better to do these days.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
So you insist on speaking English.
As obstinate as a mule, you.
(IN ENGLISH) OK.
My English is pretty best.
Don't you worry, my fine fellow.
We know you are sending Zelenski
and Rublev to English in 1966.
We are finding film about them
at World Cup final.
What do you think of that?
My fine fellow.
Do you think the good doctor
will allow me slabber?
Or just a slaver or dribble
to be slobber or be slubber.
To gobble, sloppily and grossly.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
You've spent 20 years here.
If you don't work with us,
I promise you another 20.
(IN ENGLISH) Ah. I have it.
And with the added bonus
of a triple word score.
I-M-B-E-C-l-L-E.
Imbecile, my fine fellow.
IGOR: Waste of
resources, if you ask me.
I've got two staff plying
through records of
every Soviet citizen who's been
in the UK in the past 25 years.
I, uh...
I noticed the Gorky play at...
Barbican.
It's had quite respectable reviews.
We're entitled to tickets,
if you'd like to come.
Odd that they were supporting England.
Odd that they were there at all.
IGOR: Victor is having another look
at the film. Might spot something.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, I'm
watching it right now.
It's crystal clear and it's in focus.
Yeah, well, of course,
it shows the disputed goal.
That's the whole goddamn
reason that I'm calling you.
ALBERT: I hope she gets me back.
Had a leaking hose on the way down.
I'm surprised she got you here at all.
Look,
it may not be a Maserati,
but it's been a bloody
good runner has this.
I'm sure it has. Now, look, I don't
want to be personal, old chap,
but this is goodbye
with a capital "G".
I had hoped you might have grown up a
bit in the past twenty-odd years, Sergei.
Sergei is dead and we never met.
Ciao.
(ENGINE REVS)
(CAR HONKING)
Stop! Stop!
You got Morris!
(CAR HONKING)
Bloody hell.
Excuse me.
Do you know if Chelsea won last night?
The game was cancelled.
Follow me.
It's rather silly, all this
cloak and dagger stuff.
You sure you're not having me on?
(CLICKS)
Yes. I thought so.
A leopard doesn't
change his spots, George.
Nor does the Russian Bear.
Great chess players, the Russkies.
Never make a move
without an ulterior motive.
Any idea what the meeting was about?
Quality is a bit iffy.
The directional mic
seemed to be playing up, sir.
ALAN: (ON TAPE) To be of
any use to my program me
it must be broadcast quality.
It is. And it definitely
shows the incident.
As I already told
you, it's crystal clear.
All I got, I'm afraid, sir.
Hmm.
Found out who he is?
Name's Alan West.
A television producer.
- BBC?
- No, the other side.
So, not necessarily a lefty.
Got a beard though, I see.
He produces sport. Soccer mainly.
Anything else known?
There is one thing
that could be relevant.
He spent time in Russia.
Worked on the Moscow Olympics.
Did he, by heaven?
Yes, yes, yes. This is
beginning to look interesting.
(MUSIC PLAYING ON EARPHONES)
Goddamn traffic!
This lousy city needs a network of
10-lane highways driven through it.
Yeah, it's a bitch.
Now give me an update on Grishina.
It's kind of hard to say, sir.
She never goes anywhere.
You telling me, she ain't
been out of that dump yet?
Not even once?
Now, let's get this straight.
What's the first thing
any red broad always does
as soon as she hits town?
Gets her ass down to Harrods
or South Molton Street, right?
Affirmative, sir.
Hmm. I don't like the smell of this.
You got any bright ideas?
All we know is that she's
an English language expert
with a technical background.
And word has it, she's going places.
Shit!
I've only been there for 30 seconds.
What the hell's the matter
with you goddamn people?
So, she hasn't been shopping once?
Something sure as hell is going on.
Hmm.
I love London, me.
When our Walter was alive, we used
to go down for a weekend, in June.
Trooping the Colour, and that.
Of course, we weren't
on no union expenses,
so we couldn't afford to
stay in no swish hotels.
It weren't that swish.
What, The Kensington?
Sounds pretty posh to me.
It had its own Jacuzzi and everything.
Nowt so grand.
What were the beds like?
Manage to get a good night's sleep?
She's dozed off.
I don't know. What a blabber
over a bloody stuffed monkey.
I'll get it back, love. Don't worry.
You definitely know this
bloke who went off with it, then?
ALBERT: Oh, aye.
Did he stay at the Kensington
with you as well?
Uh, yeah.
Funny.
Cos when our Sandra phoned the hotel,
the lass there said
she'd never heard of you
or your union booking.
Let alone, blokes
running off with monkeys.
Mam, shut it.
Right. Yes, it's just that
I'm rather keen on a quick sale,
and I'd appreciate a swift evaluation.
Excellent!
OK. I'll arrange access. Bye.
Ah, that's got them moving, Morris.
Let's see if we can wake up those
dozy bastards at British
Telecom, shall we?
Well, I thought I got a bite
and then I realised it
was snagged on something.
So, I waded in with me knife.
Expecting to find what?
I don't know. A bike or something.
There's all sorts in there, you know.
Ah, but not many of
what you caught, eh?
No, when I fished it out, I found
it were an old radio transmitter.
But no ordinary one. This was
a bit special, wasn't it, Brian?
Yeah. This one was Russian.
In fact, a recently dumped
Soviet radio transmitter
in British territorial canal water
sounds the sort of thing
James Bond might be involved with.
(LAUGHS) This is funny, yeah.
Indeed.
The British seem to have the most
peculiar attitude to the news.
Now, that was mullet lover television
program me in the Midlands.
- Did they show the transmitter?
- No.
Where is it now?
According to them,
the police still have it.
I'm trying to get one of our
local spooks to check it out.
I'd like to go there myself.
No way.
It's outside your
restricted travel area.
Isn't there anyone you bribed
to handle all that?
Doesn't work like that
around here, honey.
It's most important
I investigate this.
No, forget it!
You're almost certainly being watched.
You step foot outside of Greater
London and they'll bust your ass.
A seething cesspit.
A shrieking asylum
where they don't know
a bottle of Chateau Latour
from a bucket of Harvey Wallbanger.
You recognise that?
Yeah, it's vaguely familiar.
Ah, should be.
It's how you once
described Wall Street.
Really?
Actually, I'm rather
fond of the old place.
Come on, you hate that hellhole
almost as much as I do, Jeremy.
You wanna leave this green and pleasant
land to go to the New York office.
There must be a very good reason.
Is there anything I should know about?
I'm just getting a bit stale.
I need a change. A new challenge.
Don't bullshit me, Jeremy.
No, it's very simple, Baris.
I see my future in the States.
And I'd prefer to stay on
the Hamilton Fairchild team, but...
Look, this is all very sudden and you're
not gonna railroad me into a quick decision.
Gone for another walk, you say?
He wanted some fresh air.
Fresh air?
There's something up, Sandra.
Mam, please leave it.
Your dad never did the dirty on me
once in his life, God rest his soul.
But his brother Eric and that
piece from Ancoats.
Well, everybody knew what was going on
except your poor aunty Dorothy.
You had to feel for her.
It's not another woman.
He's the right age, love.
There's plenty of young lasses
down in that brewery
who wouldn't mind a ding-dong
with a married man.
And they don't give any thought to the happy
half and the home they might be wrecking.
Oh, Mam, please do shut up.
IGOR: Why do I listen to you?
If we're caught here,
we'll certainly be expelled.
Don't worry.
And I'm really grateful to you, Igor.
Your initiative won't go unnoticed
with the directorate.
I can assure you.
It won't go unnoticed
with Chekhov either.
He'll have my guts for garters.
Oh. What a strange expression. Relax.
No one will know.
(BELL TOLLING)
If you don't want
to know, just say so.
But I rather enjoyed the other night.
Well, so did I.
The earth moved and everything.
Serena.
Call Marcus Fielding, apologise
and cancel me for bridge tonight.
Do I give any particular reason?
Goodbye, Serena.
A little bird tells me
you've had an audience with Baris.
Really?
Must give Serena the
bullet one of these days.
She's worried about you, Jeremy.
We both are.
Sweet of you. Quite unnecessary.
Come on. You look terrible.
Serena says you're
not eating properly.
Something's obviously wrong.
All right. None of my business.
Quite.
No use smiling at me, young lady.
You journalists are all the same.
It's under lock and key
until some boffin chap pie
from London has
given it the once-over.
But it's such a good story.
It would make an amusing item
for our readers in the Soviet Union.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm all in favour of
glasnost and all that.
It's just, I have my orders, see?
Thank you for your help.
I'll go and interview
this Brian anyway.
One thing getting the local rag.
You'll be tickled pink
if he gets into Pravda.
(LAUGHING)
It's been quite a Russian week
round here one way or another.
Sorry?
ALBERT: Sorry, I didn't
phone you but, well...
All right.
We were out boozing.
I didn't wanna call you up sozzled.
That's the top and
bottom of it, honest.
You're lying, Albert.
I can read you like a book.
It's a lot of fuss over nothing, this.
It all started that night
you went out without a word
and you didn't come back till dawn.
I was chained up
about the strike and that.
No, Albert. Something else is up.
I'm not daft, you know.
Tell me straight.
Are you seeing another woman?
Bloody hell.
Is that what you think?
Well, what am I to think?
You won't be honest with me.
Never.
Never, never.
The day I look at another woman
will be the day hell freezes over.
It's only ever been you, Sandy.
You're everything to me.
Everything.
I still want the truth, Albie.
I still need to know.
She breaks cover.
Comes all the way out here,
buys a newspaper,
and then pops into
the local police station.
What the hell's going on?
MAN ON RADIO: Omaha to Kansas,
Olga's back in play.
Get in, get in!
I told you this would happen.
It's the bloody CIA.
For Christ's sake, Richfield,
it's the first time she goes out.
You've got two cars,
six personnel, and you lose her!
They caught us cold, sir.
I don't suppose you're any closer to
figuring out what the hell is going on.
Sir, we've got airbases
in that sector of the country.
I don't know whether
you've noticed, Richfield,
but we have airbases all over
these God-forsaken islands.
Sir, she bought a
newspaper in the village.
There may be some
significance in that.
Go on, amaze me.
All right.
It's a copy of the Huntingdon
and Northamptonshire Bugle, sir.
The what?
I should never have
left the Marine Corps.
These are delicate
times, for God's sake.
It was stupid, provocative and clumsy.
But essential for my operation.
I don't give a damn about that.
How the hell is the
Home Office gonna take it
when they hear that the KGB has been
cruising around Northamptonshire,
playing hide-and-seek with
Uncle Sam's goddamn flying circus?
I lost them, sir, so there
was no real incident.
Kostov!
You consider yourself lucky
that I don't expel you myself.
I can understand your anger.
But the risk was more than worthwhile.
What?
Some radio ham dumps his crummy Russian
set in the canal because it doesn't work.
Oh, that's a big deal.
Hold the front page.
And these vodka bandits.
Coward and Robinson.
They're clearly English.
Obviously just a couple
of assholes clowning around.
Yes, it may be a coincidence,
but I insist it's followed up.
Major Grishina.
You're a million miles away.
You follow it up your goddamn self.
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
GEORGE: They met again, sir.
This time, they handed over
what looks like a can of film, sir.
Really?
I think it might be
some sort of Soviet attempt to
infiltrate the British media, sir.
From what I've seen on the box,
they achieved that years ago.
(CHUCKLES) Very good, sir.
Is it a bit chilly in
here or is it me?
I fired off a memo but apparently,
the boiler's likely to be on the blink
all morning, George, so get on with it.
Oh, right.
Uh...
Their target this time seems to be sport
rather than current affairs or drama, sir.
Very odd.
Indeed, but playwright's contact
currently produces
a program me called Soccer Scene.
- Ever watched it?
- No, sir.
But I put in a requisition for media
surveillance to video it for us.
Well, let's hope the
sodding machine's working.
I don't know, George,
the whole outfit's going to pot.
Listen to this.
"Can our department spare anybody
to go to Northants
"to take a butchers at some
old radio found in a canal?"
I ask you, who the bloody hell
do they think we are?
(DOG BARKING)
About time. Your tea's ready.
How long's that car been outside?
What car?
Dad, when's Morris coming home?
Soon, I told you.
There's no need to snap at her.
I'm sorry.
It'll be soon, I promise. OK?
Well, whatever general trend's doing there's
always a market for quality property.
Well, I bow to your expertise.
Let's just hope we can place it soon.
I only wish I could afford it.
Look, why don't we
have lunch together?
Maybe I could give you a few tips on
how to become a wealthy young woman.
Oh. I'd love to.
(DOORBELL BUZZING)
Excuse me.
The owner, by the
way, is extremely dishy.
Unfortunately, he
doesn't come with it.
Sorry to barge in, but you're going to
have a square meal tonight, like it or not.
Oh, well done, Alison.
Should've known there'd be a queue.
Forget it for tonight.
Let me take you for a traditional
British curry. You'll love it.
(SIGHS) Look.
The boss is right.
Cossack dancing does not make Misters
Coward and Robinson into KGB agents.
But doesn't it seem curious to you?
A company director from London
and a shop steward from Lancashire,
getting drunk together in a
small village miles from anywhere.
Nothing about the English
and drinking surprises me.
And they do their Cossack dance
on the very banks of the canal.
Where a Soviet radio transmitter
happens to be found.
At the academy, we played a game.
Finding hidden words
within words.
IGOR: Jeremy Coward.
Albert Robinson.
(SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN)
Incredible.
Amazing.
Unbelievable!
(LAUGHTER)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Yes, sir. What can we do for you?
My name is...
Vladimir Yefimovich Zelenski.
I am an illegal immigrant.
A citizen of the Soviet Union.
And an agent of the KGB.
I've come to surrender myself
to the British authorities.
Thanks. I really enjoyed that.
Pretty basic nosh.
Fills a corner, as
my mother would say.
Didn't see you as a cuddly
toy person, Jeremy.
Probably quite a few things
you don't know about me.
I think I'd better wash
up and leave you to it.
You really shouldn't have
gone to all this trouble.
You may not want to hear this, but I did
it because I happen to care about you.
I care because somewhere,
behind that pebble-smooth performance,
is a fundamentally decent man who
desperately needs to touch another being.
Not just screw them.
Touch them.
Coffee?
Mmm?
I want 'em away from me house.
Away from me wife and kids.
And I want a guarantee that my family will
have 24 hours protection if necessary.
All right, all right. Now,
hold on. Just hold on.
I've got a unit on its way.
Let's just first ascertain who the
occupants of the parked car are
and what they're doing
outside your house.
For God's sake!
How many more times? The KGB!
I'm an agent myself.
I'd know them anywhere!
Sit down.
Please.
I just want to clarify
a couple of points.
Now.
Your name is Vladimir
Yefimovich Zelenski.
And you're a Soviet agent.
Yeah.
Well, can you enlighten me
as to why you've got
a broad Mancunian accent?
You live in a council house in Eccles
and you've got three kids
named Gary, Wayne and Sharon.
Please.
Just get them away from me family.
(SIREN WAILING)
What are you doing?
Out, out, out, out, out!
Police.
Department of Social Security.
Right.
On your feet, comrade.
We've got enough on our plates
holding together
the tattered fabric of
decadent Western civilisation
without comedians like
you wasting our time.
Your KGB hit squad
are in fact the DSS,
keeping an eye on your
next-door neighbour.
What?
Who's apparently claiming to be
disabled and unfit for work.
At the same time as putting in
a 10-hour day as a scaffolder.
- Are you sure?
- Of course I'm bloody sure!
Like I'm sure your real name
is Albert Robinson.
Not Nikita bloody Khrushchev.
Like I'm sure that you were nicked
last week in Northampton for D and D.
And like I'm sure, that if you
don't get out of here right now,
I'm gonna kick your arse
from here to breakfast time.
Now, out.
Now! Before I throw
the sodding book at you!
(lNDISTINCT MUTTERING)
(SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN)
Leave me alone!
Leave me alone!
(SHOUTING)
(IN ENGLISH) Shh, it's all right.
You're having a bad dream.
Hey, I'm all right.
I'm all right.
Yeah.
(lNDISTINCT TALKING ON RADIO)
Right, that's it. Didn't get
back till the early hours.
You hardly slept a wink and you
haven't touched your breakfast.
I'm not going on like this, you know.
When you get back tonight, you and me
are gonna have a straight talk.
I want it out in the
open, whatever it is.
Gary, Wayne. Are you dressed yet?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
very ingenious, Kostov.
And I suppose you think the sun
shines out of Major Grishina's ass?
No, sir, but I do think
she is onto something.
OK, OK.
What does it mean?
If Coward and Robinson are in truth
Rublev and Zelenski,
then it means they are still
working together as a cell.
Doing what, for God's sake?
The analysis is that
they're long term sleepers.
But it appears they have
assumed the botched radio contact
from Moscow was an activation
signal led to start the operation.
An operation that was secretly
hatched up back in the Cold War.
Yeah, I know that.
But I need to know
what is happening now.
You've got two mavericks out there
on the rogue operation
that could cause great embarrassment
to the Soviet Union.
That's what's happening now.
OK, this is the way I see it, sir.
Major Grishina's an
electronics expert.
She's been sent over by the Reds
because they have lost some
extremely valuable
communications hardware.
Which a Soviet field agent accidentally
drops into the Grand Junction Canal.
Jesus H. Christ...
Sir, the accident was
that somebody found it.
Now, it would be high tech, water resistant
and probably put there for security purposes.
Sir, there's a simple
way to check this out.
The hardware is currently in the
possession of the British Police.
Hey, I ain't turning this over to
those devious sons of bitches at Ml5.
It wasn't my suggestion, sir.
What is your suggestion, Richfield?
I would like you to authorise
a covert operation
to liberate the
Russian transmitter, sir.
You want me to give you permission
to burglarise
the Northamptonshire constabulary?
Affirmative, sir.
K1: Drinky, drinky,
make you feel better.
GEORGE: Do you mind
if I take my coat off, sir?
- I find it a little sticky in here.
- By all means.
The concept of thermostatic control
seems entirely beyond those
cretins in boiler maintenance.
So, fill me in.
Well, sir, the only thing
I can definitely say is that
playwright has handed over some film
to this TV producer.
I mean, presumably it'll
show on his program me.
Yes, and his program me, Soccer Scene,
gets very high ratings among
socio-economic groups C3 and C4.
In other words, lager
louts and hooligans.
Baffling, isn't it?
Not to me, George.
English soccer hooligans have
long been a national disgrace.
Every time those fans misbehave,
it reflects very badly on our country.
That's true, sir.
What if the Soviets,
via programmes like this,
are using television to
orchestrate this violence
and undermine our system?
It's a bit far-fetched, sir.
Millwall fans being whipped into
a Moscow inspired frenzy
by Saint and Greavsie? (LAUGHS)
Don't be flippant.
When you've been in the service as long as I
have, you'll learn that nothing but nothing
is far-fetched.
Yes, sir. Sorry.
I want to know exactly what it was
that Chekhov handed over.
Get onto Special Branch and arrange
a discreet tiptoe into the studio
and a quiet peek at this film.
ELSIE: Bloody obvious what's going on.
He's left you for another woman.
Doesn't have the decency
to tell you to your face.
It's being an orphan that does it.
They don't have feelings like we do.
I'll wring his bloody neck
when I catch up with him.
ALBERT: I have done my best
to provide for you and the kids.
I've seen a solicitor.
Everything is now in your name.
It's best now that I go and you
never know who and what I really am.
I sure can't figure it but I'm
not gonna stand in your way.
I talked to Marvin Barkowski.
He suggests you two have dinner
together when he's in the UK next week.
Thanks, Baris, I appreciate that.
Look, if there's anything shady
about this I'll have your ass, Jeremy.
No, no, no, don't worry.
I really am very grateful.
ALBERT: Hello, Jeremy.
Old chap.
Old chum.
How the devil are you, my fine fellow?
Catch you in the
restaurant. Won't be a tick.
Why can't you stand on your
own two feet, you selfish bastard?
We're going to the
Home Office, Sergei.
It's the only way.
All right, we'll go to them.
Convince them who we are.
What then? You thought about that?
It's better than waiting for the KGB.
Oh, don't be so bloody naive.
They'll either lock us up
for the rest of our lives
or they'll hand us over
to some sodding glasnost deal.
Or they'll make us work for Ml5.
For crying out loud, our lives will
never be our own again.
I can't sleep, Sergei.
And I've started
dreaming in Russian again.
VICTOR: Forget Little
Miss Iron Knickers.
I am taking over.
I want these guys found.
It's top priority. Everyone on it
we can spare, OK?
Sure.
There's literally hundreds of people
called Albert Robinson in Lancashire.
- But a lot fewer Jeremy Cowards in London.
- Yeah, yeah, I know that.
But photo surveillance is already
secretly snapping all the Jeremy Cowards
we can find. Now you keep them
at it, Kostov, understand?
Sir.
KGB may have lost these guys but
the lD's gonna find them, right?
- Right, sir.
- You'd better believe it.
Thanks very much.
Come on.
- How much did you pay for that?
- Fifteen pounds.
(SCOFFS) Bit bloody
steep for spam, isn't it?
It's not spam. It's called salami.
Look, why don't you do what I'm doing?
Go home, don't panic and tough it out.
If you're not panicking, why have
you changed your phone number?
Sensible precaution.
How did you trace me
to my office, by the way?
Glove compartment of your Maserati.
- Ferrari.
- Posh Italian car.
You left an American Express letter
in there with the address on it.
Shit, of course.
(CHUCKLES) All
right, so be it, Sergei.
But talking to you has
cheered me up a bit.
Jolly good. Pass the
oregano, would you?
Ore-what?
Why don't you let me carry the basket?
I mean, you know
what you want, I don't.
- I always carry the basket for Sandra.
- It's all right. It's all right.
- No, I'll do it.
- No, I'll do it.
- If I carry it...
- I'll carry it.
If you're going to squabble,
I should get one each.
This is ridiculous.
Why don't you go home and stay there?
No, I can't live a lie.
Can't deceive Sandra any more.
I've left home for good.
What plans have you got?
Haven't really thought.
I suppose I could stay at your
place till I sort something out.
No, absolutely not.
Out of the question.
- Why?
- I positively don't want you
anywhere near my place.
I could give you some money
for a hotel. How much do you want?
- How much do you want?
- I don't want... I don't want any money.
Excuse me.
(TYRES SCREECHING)
Camera work's dreadful.
But, boy, do they capture the goal.
Just coming up.
Don't move. Special Branch.
We have a warrant.
VICTOR: Ah, unless this
Jeremy Coward here's
put on five stone and had his
nose broke in several places
I think we'll pass on this one.
What do we pay these assholes for? This
one's West Indian, for Christ's sake.
Good evening, comrades.
I'm sure you intended to let me know
you were having those taken.
No matter. The photo lab technician was
sweet enough to let me look them over first.
You haven't seen this set yet.
Physically, he hasn't
changed a great deal.
But agent Sergei Rublev,
first Director at KGB,
has become Jeremy Coward,
Executive Director, Hamilton
Fairchild lnvestment Bank.
One down, one to go I think.
ALBERT: For what it's worth, I didn't
deceive you when I told you I loved you.
I loved you when we
first met. I love you now.
I will always love you.
I hope one day, you and the kids will get
over this dreadful thing I've done to you.
Goodbye, my darling squidgy face.
Forgive me.
Albert.
P.S.
Wherever I am,
and whatever happens to me,
I will always be thinking of you.
You got a lovely home, Sergei.
I will say that.
Not exactly a home.
Morris tells me he
can't stand the place.
Aye, well.
He's being sent back
up north in the morning,
where he belongs.
What's your poll tax like here?
It's a solid Tory borough.
- It's very reasonable.
- Aye.
- Bloody fiddle more like.
- Of course it is.
(CHUCKLES)
I think we should stay off politics,
don't you, comrade?
All this new market economy.
They'll be getting the
poll tax in Russia next.
Together with all the
other Western goodies.
Unemployment, drugs.
- Quiz shows.
- (SCOFFS)
Extraordinary, the way things
are changing over there though.
Don't you think?
It's fascinating.
I bought it all in a
very detached way.
Realised I was looking
at it like an outsider.
An Englishman, in fact.
Yeah.
I know what you mean.
Hmm.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Lots of things I loathe
about England, of course.
The litter.
The small minded jingoism.
- Snobbish class ridden institutions.
- (SCOFFS)
You seem to have done all right
out of the class you joined.
Nonsense.
And don't slosh that rum as if it were a
glass of brown ale. Frightful little oik.
Ah.
What was it?
Beef bourguignon for me tea?
Drop of French brandy to wash it down.
Hey, I don't know I'm born.
Sergei.
Is there anyone in this block
claiming social security?
Well, at 400 grand a pad,
perhaps we all should be.
I got an awful feeling,
this time it's not the DSS.
What do you think?
JEREMY: Bugger.
Looks like dobriy
den in Knightsbridge.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)