Sleepers (1991): Season 1, Episode 1 - The Awakening - full transcript
"Hello, good evening and welcome."
"This, of course, doesn't mean
"that the pound in your pocket
has been devalued."
"There's some people on the pitch.
"They think it's all over.
"It is now!"
Yes, it's a pretty good bouncer.
Wakey wakey!
(HUMMING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIREN WAILING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Show me.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Oh, fuck.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(PANTING)
(PANTING)
(GUN FIRES)
Christ sake.
Don't be such a wimp.
Good heavens. Jeremy Coward.
Those things are bloody lethal.
Ah, poor diddums!
Lucky for you, they're not.
Well, the good news is I am dead.
- Can I go please?
- No.
Go to the neutral zone and tell them
you've been eliminated,
along with the rest of your crowd.
At least the chase man, Hatton,
put up a bit of a fight.
Bye.
Aw, for God's sake!
- You're supposed to be dead.
- That makes two of us.
Care to bunk off for a spot of lunch?
(MEN CHEERING)
(CLAMOURING)
- There you go.
- (CHEERING)
MAN: Quiet, lads, please.
- (CHEERING)
- MAN: Game on.
(CHEERING)
(CLAMOURING)
- You joined us?
- I dropped in, luckily.
But it's time we won't like something
that really matters, eh?
Forget all that, Sean. It's
the weekend. Same again?
Aye, get them in before
we go on strike pay.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ You think you've lost your love
♪ Well, I saw her yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
(SONG STALLING AND REPEATING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This is incredible.
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
(SONG REPEATS IN BACKGROUND)
Bit of a conundrum, old chap, eh?
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Well, Oleg.
We need to figure it out.
Before gossip spreads.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
This strike's in nobody's interest.
I must make the lads at
Braithwaite's see that.
It's his fault. He's tight fisted.
Anyway, eat your pie
up before it gets cold.
I think things are
coming to the crunch.
Mum, can Morris leave
the table now he's finished?
Bloody hell, Sharon.
(LAUGHS)
♪ Wild thing
(SQUEAKING)
♪ You make everything ♪
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
What is it? Scenery for
a propaganda film about the English?
I doubt it. They wouldn't have locked
the door and kept the room secret.
♪ Wild thing
♪ I think I love you
- (SQUEAKING)
- (GASPS)
♪ Come on and hold me tight
♪ I love you ♪
I know him.
Who is it?
Bobby Charlton, of course.
(BELL CLANGING)
Come on, Georgie.
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- Rise and shine.
(lNDISTINCT VOICE ON RADIO)
Breakfast?
Oh, God, no... Coffee.
(SIGHS)
What are these people
wittering on about?
Silage, absolutely fascinating.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I think I overdid it a bit last night
I didn't say anything
indiscreet, did I?
Afraid so, confessed you
fancied me for months.
Said I was the hottest thing
in pants in the city.
No, seriously Jeremy, business wise?
(SIGHS) I have an awful feeling I said
something I shouldn't.
No...
But you know how silage is made,
by the way?
(CHEERING)
MAN: Some people say that
Braithwaite's is a family firm.
Family, my arse!
(MEN CHEERING)
I, no... Oh, yes, I noticed...
I noticed that Mr Harvey,
and his stuck-up office lot
don't have to clock on like we do.
No!
Or have their pay docked
if they're a couple of minutes late!
(JEERING)
Yes.
And I'll tell you this...
if our demands are not met in full,
- then we strike immediately.
- (CHEERING)
(CHANTING) Strike,
strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
- Strike, strike, strike, strike.
- All right.
- Strike, strike.
- All right, all right!
- I understand your feelings.
- (MEN CLAMOURING)
But a strike's in nobody's interest.
- (MEN CLAMOURING)
- It must be...
It must be our last resort.
ALL: No!
(CHANTING) Strike,
strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
♪ A mouse lived in a windmill
♪ In old Amsterdam
♪ A windmill with a mouse in
♪ And he wasn't grousin'
♪ He sang every
morning, "How lucky I am
♪ "Living in a windmill
in old Amsterdam" ♪
WOMAN ON RECORDING:
How now brown cow.
How now brown cow.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
She's asking how a brown cow is doing.
WOMAN ON RECORDING:
A large gin and it.
Please, my good man.
A large gin and it.
Sounds like the BBC.
No, it's more of a phonetics lesson.
WOMAN ON RECORDING:
I am the very model
of a modern major general.
I am the very model
of a modern major general.
(IN ENGLISH) I have
information, animal,
vegetable, and mineral.
WOMAN ON RECORDING: Peter Piper
picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Peter Piper picked a
peck of pickled peppers.
(PHONE RINGING)
Good morning, Serena.
(ALL BOOING)
Tight arse!
Come for your white feather, Jeremy?
How about those guys?
Just gave us a bit of a be a sting.
Thanks to wimps like you.
Never mind, it's only a game.
Come on, it's business.
Now, what's Worldwide Resources'
rating at the moment?
Moody classified it at A3, a real dog.
Even the bucket
shops won't touch them.
JEREMY: Reason being?
MAN: General world recession.
And they're currently facing
a multimillion dollar lawsuit.
What if there was no lawsuit and Worldwide
just made a huge oil strike in Alaska?
- Totally different.
- And that's what's happened.
When New York opens this afternoon,
Barker Isaacs will be flat out
to corner the market.
Their Wall Street office
will be making a dawn raid.
Unless we ramp the market here first.
Precisely.
(PHONE RINGING)
Very sharp.
- Quite something, isn't he?
- Razor sharp.
Word of advice,
if you don't want to get hurt,
keep it strictly business with JC.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This must be their range. Check it.
Clutching at straws, aren't we?
I knew who they were.
But this is all very strange.
Andrei Zorin.
Used to be Chief of Department here.
I got his military dossier, personal
file. We can easily locate him.
Zorin.
I remember the name.
Yes. But what about these two?
- Vladimir Zelenski.
- (TYPING ON KEYBOARD)
Sergei Rublev.
Also KGB officers.
But no personal files after 1966.
I saw an ol' clip of Colin Bell
on the telly last week.
- Oh, yeah.
- Fabulous footballer.
Ever see him play?
I'm a season ticket holder.
Pretty exciting, those days.
Bell, Lee, Summerbee.
Ah, football with footballers.
Exactly.
But what happened, Albert?
I'll tell you.
Greed!
Greed's killed the game.
People nowadays are never
satisfied with what they've got.
Mmm.
One of Arthur's better days.
I was in old Bob's den the other day.
He lets me knock in the odd jibe.
Oh...
They rolled him in a barrel
and baptised him into the guild
of coopers before you were born.
He's never seen a
strike at Braithwaite's.
The lads only want to
keep up with inflation.
Listen to me, Robinson.
Greedy employees are ruining football.
They're ruining the country.
But I'll see you all starve
before you ruin Braithwaite's!
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
It's a waste of time.
He's only babbling in English.
(IN ENGLISH) Comrade Zorin,
you have a distinguished visitor.
A major from the KGB, no less.
Hello, Andrei.
The talk is over.
The Directorate thought
we better have a little...
Chin wag.
"Rumbling under blackened girders,
"Midland, bound for Cricklewood,
"Puffed its sulphur to the sunset
"where that land of laundries stood."
This dispute has really
hurt me, you know.
It's always been
such a friendly place.
Look how we all work
together for the telephone.
The thing is, nowadays,
people like to be trusted.
- What do you mean?
- Well...
Clocking on machines.
Normal industrial practise.
The Japanese will show us the way.
There's no difference there
between management and men.
Everyone's treated the same.
You're telling me, that if we
all wear regulation boiler suits,
and do jujitsu in the canteen,
he'll drop the bloody claim?
No.
But, perhaps, if you made
some sort of gesture, say,
got rid of the clocking on machines
my members might temper their demands.
NINA: 1966,
the British had a general election.
Was this something to do with that?
It's so long ago.
So long ago.
Harold and George... (MUTTERS)
Sir Alec...
All so long ago.
What is the significance of
Alf's Wingless Wonders?
Good old Bobby, good old Nobby.
(ANDREl CHUCKLES)
We think
these two young men are agents.
Vladimir Zelenski
and Sergei Rublev.
The secret
was 4-4-2, you see.
Only two up front. That's the key.
We are gravely concerned about them.
All the records have been erased.
Do you know anything about it?
The Czech had said
it couldn't be done.
Joe Stalin said it couldn't be done.
But I did it.
I did it.
Did what?
What did you do?
What the hell was it all about?
"It has been a hard
"day's night.
"And I been working like a dog.
"It's been a hard day's night
"I should be sleeping
"like a log."
(SNORES)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
- MAN: Let's bugger out, lads.
- ALL: Yeah.
Don't know what they're smiling for.
We didn't get that 12ºº.
Not far off. Still a good deal though.
You know, he's a crafty bugger
getting rid of these things.
There'd have been
a strike, but for that.
Aye, happens so.
(MEN CHEERING)
(CLAPPING AND WHOOPING)
A little prezzie from JC
to the downtrodden worker.
(ALL CHEERING)
WOMAN: Red faces
all around inside that
citadel of silly arses.
- Barker Isaacs.
- (ALL CHEERING)
Especially,
for Bl's full-time head guru
and part-time head banger,
Nigel Henderson.
(ALL CHEERING)
Our Nige was the
victim of a brutal leg over
when the Hamilton Fairchild A-team
zapped Barker Isaacs
in a dawn raid on worldwide resources.
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL SHOUTING)
"Get back in your bucket, John!"
I think someone had a
leg over Barker Isaacs
in more senses than one.
What are you suggesting, Alison?
I know who your Bl mole was.
"Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie...
"Kissed the girls and made them cry."
Definitely heard a funny noise
up there, Albert.
Got the ladder out to have a look.
It's the tank.
Or a mouse or something.
I bet there's nothing up there.
Except a great big
greenish, scaly,
red-eyed monster mouse.
Who's going to gobble up
poor little Sandy
Wandy's squidgy face.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(DOG GROWLS)
(RADIO DRONING)
That's a funny noise, Morris.
(DRONING CONTINUES)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
What's going on?
It's unbelievable.
One of the transmitters is still on.
It's impossible.
Wait.
I hear something.
Here.
(SHARON SPEAKING lNDISTINCTLY)
SHARON: I'm going
to smack your bottom.
Don't be a potty mouth!
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This is A-L-F-4-4-2.
Who are you?
Who are you?
That's a silly voice, Mr Man.
(IN ENGLISH) This
is A-L-F-4-4-2. Identify.
Identify.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This is A-L-F-4-4-2.
Who are you?
(IN ENGLISH)
This is A-L-F,
4-4-2.
Identify.
Identify.
SHARON: You're a
very silly monkey, Morris.
Playing with Dad's toys.
He's very cross with you.
ALBERT: Oh, Sharon.
It's time you're in bed.
Hey, you get snuggled up.
I'll come read you a story
in a minute, all right?
(SOFTLY) Night, night.
SHARON: You're always getting
me into trouble, Morris.
You're a bad, bad boy.
(WHIRRING)
Albert?
(MEN SPEAKING lNDISTINCTLY)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
How's comrade Zorin doing?
I think he's not as
insane as he seems.
Anything on Zelenski and Rublev?
No.
However, a funny incident
with a transmitter has occurred.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(HORN HONKING)
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Yeah?
Sorry, I don't understand you.
What?
Who the hell is this?
It's Vladimir.
Vladimir Zelenski.
Some major has
arrived from Moscow, sir.
MAN: Well, let them wait, will you.
Sure, sure.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
He will be with you soon.
He's got important work to do.
How was your flight?
- Did you tell him it was urgent?
- Sure. In English.
This is what we speak here.
I hope you don't mind speaking it too.
(IN ENGLISH) Not at all.
"When in Rome,
"do as Romans do."
And don't lie to me in any language.
I said it was urgent.
(CHEERING)
Great run.
Great run. How about that, huh?
Give me some goddamn skin, Igor.
Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
Major Grishina, sir.
Major Grishina, huh?
Eh, that's a good-looking broad.
Things must be looking up in the KGB.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
I didn't expect you to be a woman.
(IN ENGLISH) And I didn't expect you to
look like something out of Disneyland.
I'm a Soviet spy working in the West,
honey. What do you want me to wear?
- Fur hat, an I Love Leningrad t-shirt?
- (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
Hi.
I'm Victor Chekhov.
No relation.
I would appreciate
your undivided attention.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
Leave us.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
So?
Do the names Vladimir Zelenski
and Sergei Rublev
mean anything to you?
Sure, weren't they
a couple ofjugglers?
In fact, didn't they top the bill at
"Sunday Night on the
Moscow Palladium"?
I would advise against flippancy.
And I would advise against
the KGB waltzing into Highgate
like it was Afghanistan.
In fact, you ever walk into
my office again like that,
I'll throw you out on your butt.
Got that, comrade?
Moscow has lost two agents.
They are rogue and out of control.
This is a serious and urgent matter
and I am in charge of it.
Got that, comrade?
No.
No.
These two jokers don't
mean a thing to me.
Andrei Zorin, I did know.
Bit of a guru in your
branch of the KGB.
Then it was decided he
was ideologically unsound.
Then he got a one-way
ticket to Palookaville.
Gorky, in fact.
Same thing.
OK, Major, leave this with me.
Thank you.
I really appreciate your help.
(CHUCKLES) Anytime, huh?
Have a nice day.
She seems a bit of a handful.
Anything of interest, sir?
Once upon a time,
a secret room was
discovered in the Kremlin
revealing that two agents have
been missing for 25 years.
How does that grab you?
Sounds totally implausible.
It's probably true.
Yeah.
She's KGB.
So what's she really up to?
I'll bet them union organisers
down in London
are gonna be proud of you
the way you handled Braithwaite's.
Aye, maybe.
Er, now you know where the
building society book is, don't you?
Albert, I think I will manage to cope
without you for a couple of days.
Yeah, right. Er, if you do
need it, it's in the sideboard.
Get on with you. You'll be late.
See you Gary, Wayne.
Come up, you two. I'm off.
- Bye, Dad.
- See you, Dad.
Oh.
Here's a bit of extra
pocket money for you.
- Oh, great, Dad.
- Thank you, Dad.
- Take care of your Mum, yeah.
- OK.
- Ta-ra.
- BOTH: See you.
- You are a big softie, Albert.
- (LAUGHS)
- Where's our Sharon?
- She's upstairs.
- She lost her bloody monkey.
- Oh.
- SHARON: Morris.
- I'll say goodbye for you.
No, no, I better.
SHARON: Morris.
Morris.
Where are you?
Where's Morris, Dad?
I reckon you're all going to
meet some fancy woman.
- Eh?
- (CHUCKLES)
Packed enough for a fortnight.
No, no.
Just a couple of nights.
Oh, I'm only joking.
Is anything wrong, Albert?
'Course not.
- I love you.
- (CHUCKLES)
You are a big softie, Albert.
Them carrots will be boiling over.
VICTOR: Well, you're talking
out your ass, Karl,
he was a lousy quarterback.
Bradshaw for the
Steelers, that was the man.
KARL: Both yesterday's men.
- So Victor, what's on your mind?
- (SIGHS)
(STAMMERS) Well,
it's a bit embarrassing, really.
- We lost a couple of our agents.
- How lost?
Lost, lost. We don't
know where they are, lost.
Disappeared, lost?
The UK?
Yeah, maybe.
When lost?
- 1966.
- (LAUGHS)
You got to be kidding me.
And you're only just missing 'em?
Yeah, well, I said it
was embarrassing.
And... Listen, Karl, look, look.
If those guys are here,
we got to find them.
They were programmed
back in the Cold War.
We don't know whether they're working
in our interest or anybody else's.
Names.
Vladimir Zelenski, Sergei Rublev.
Look, er...
if they had defected,
or you had 'em eliminated,
you know, just let us know, huh?
I'll check it out, but no favours.
And, er, we'll expect
something in return.
Oh, yeah, sure.
For instance, would you be prepared
to tell the CIA
what a Major Grishina
of the KGB is doing in town?
- Oh, that's news to me, he is, Karl.
- (LAUGHS)
There's a lot of things I don't know,
but I can tell a he from a she.
VICTOR: Oh. (LAUGHS)
KARL: Nice looking broad, too.
Did you get it?
He was a bit chatty but he
scribbled me something in the end.
I can't believe that you guys in Ml5
have to beg for a goddamn receipt
for two cups of tea and a Milky Way.
Yes.
You and your bloody glasnost.
Hold this a moment.
Now we're all chums,
cut-backs are really hitting us.
It's hurting us all,
George, it's hurting us all.
Anyway, look, the thing is this...
It could be important
that we trace these guys.
Bit tricky. Gone missing in 1966.
I was only four at the time.
Yeah, well, I had already ruled you out
as being personally responsible, George.
Of course...
In the '60s,
we tended to lose our chaps to you
- rather than vice-versa.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
Yeah, good old days, huh?
Good old days.
Oh, no.
(CARS HONKING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Hello, Sergei Alexeevich.
Good afternoon, Vladimir Efimovich.
(IN ENGLISH) it is you.
- Amazing.
- It's been a long time.
It really is you, isn't it, Sergei?
- You haven't changed at all.
- You put on weight.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
Sorry, I'm late.
- I had a bit of trouble with the car.
- Really?
Incredible.
More than 20 years.
If it's not a silly
question, comrade...
Might one ask what you're doing
with a monkey?
- You've talked to the other side?
- (SIGHS)
Yeah, well, the Cold
War is over, honey.
We now have an arrangement with
the West for mopping up spillages.
Hardly anyone in Moscow knows about this,
and you've talked to the CIA and Ml5!
Just the essentials. Look, in
the long run, it will save time.
Let's just see what they come up with.
- And meanwhile?
- Well, whatever you like...
Your first visit, why don't
you take in some sight-seeing?
There's some excellent
theatre in London.
Yeah, and I guess you're anxious
to check out Harrods.
I'd like to follow
another line of enquiry,
and have a look at the archive records
of all London-Moscow traffic
during the mid-'60s.
Well, if you can't be bothered, er,
Kostov will arrange it for you.
Don't worry about that.
I've already talked to
your charming archivist.
So that's it.
Those KGB bastards dream up
the biggest fairy story in the world
just to get their noses
inside our records.
You stay very close to her, Kostov.
KARL: Zelenski and
Rublev don't exist, sir.
They never have.
Not only do we have no data on them,
but neither does the Lubyanka.
I know because we hacked
into their mainframe.
So this missing agent
crap is just a front.
Affirmative.
Then why is this Major
Grishina really here?
Well, that's difficult
to say right now, sir.
Okay, Karl. Stay close to it.
Oh, and, er...
Naturally, don't let
the Brits in on this.
Hmm.
These luncheon expenses seem to be
on the steep side, George.
Burger King, sir.
I thought it was rather good value.
What's wrong with the staff canteen,
may I ask?
I was tailing
the Bulgarian cultural attaché, sir.
Mmm-hmm. Stick to coffee.
I want a bit less
of these flame-grilled Whoppers.
There's a good chap.
Now...
What's happening on the Russian front?
I've ferreted right
through the records, sir,
and can find absolutely no trace
of Chekhov's so-called missing agents.
So, playwright's deliberately trying
to mislead us, hmm?
I'm not sure, but
something's going on, sir.
ALBERT: It was certainly Moscow,
well, in Russia anyway,
but they didn't use the lock-in code.
So, what now?
Well, I think we should use the
emergency code and contact Highgate.
- Don't you?
- Yeah.
Certainly.
- What are you doing?
- I thought we'd find a quiet spot
and have a little chat.
ALBERT:
Thought they'd forgotten all about us.
- JEREMY: I'm glad they haven't.
- Oh, aye.
I meant they're taking their time,
that's all.
- JEREMY: Yeah.
- (ALBERT SIGHS)
Hardly touched me breakfast.
I'm famished.
I could murder a barm cake.
Tell me, what have you done
with the transmitter?
It's in me bag.
I signed for it.
- You know what they're like.
- Yeah, indeed.
I reckon they'll send us back home.
Well, I hope so.
I've had this country up to here.
By the way, how did you get my number?
Well, it wasn't easy.
I knew your alias, and I knew
you lived in a place down south.
- Ah.
- Luckily, it's not all that common a name.
I eventually dragged the list out
of directory enquiries.
Five years of secret training,
20-odd years' hibernation,
and you get my number
from directory enquiries.
- (LAUGHS)
- Superb, isn't it?
Did you write it down anywhere?
I may be rusty, Sergei,
but I am a trained agent.
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
(PAPER CRUMPLING)
I found The Mousetrap
a great disappointment.
But Cats,
I've been to see three times.
Really, what does this play reveal
about British character?
(SCOFFS)
I don't know.
It's just an entertainment, a musical.
About cats.
Musical cats.
And people queue up to see it.
Extraordinary.
Very little on Zorin.
But there might be something here.
He apparently requested a surveillance
film to be shot over here.
30th July, 1966.
Is there a film archive here?
(CRASHES)
Suppose it'd be easy
for you. No attachments.
You shouldn't have gotten involved,
for Christ's sake.
I know, I know.
I didn't for years.
Then I met Sandra, and it was like...
Well, there'll never be anyone else.
And the kids. If you haven't
got any, you just don't know.
Tell 'em off when they're naughty.
Sit up nights when they're ill.
Have such high hopes.
Always think they're the best kids
in the world.
They'll never know why I left.
They'll always hate me for it.
If you're gonna shoot me...
At least look me in the eyes.
(GUN CLICKS)
What is it you're playing at?
I'm not going in.
No attachments?
I'm on 300 grand a year.
I've got a flat in town,
a cottage in the country,
a string of girlfriends,
and half a bloody racehorse.
What the hell do you mean
by no attachments?
- Oh?
- Think I'm gonna give it all up?
For a bowl of red cabbage?
And a bedsit in Vladivostok?
Fancy a pint?
The only thing I can find of
significance for July 30th, 1966 is...
The World Cup Final.
The German Federal Republic
have just taken the lead.
Will you sit down?
All right, I don't wanna go back
any more than you do.
But I'd rather go in
than have them come and get me.
I don't want my family put at risk.
Look.
I don't even know where Eccles is.
How the hell are the
KGB gonna find you?
That radio call was random.
They have sod all to go on.
So trust me.
That's a laugh. You
came here to kill me.
How many more times? I'm sorry.
All right.
We sit tight, and ignore it.
- But I hope you're right.
- Twenty-five years, haven't got a chance.
Do you really drag in
300 grand a year, Sergei?
Give or take, yeah.
Well, get 'em in again, you overpaid,
southern smartarse.
- Ah, great ball, Nobby!
- Good shot! Ah!
Look at the camera work.
Every time something exciting happens,
it turns to the crowd.
Wait a goddamn minute.
Will you look at that?
This is dynamite.
Did you see that?
A close-up of where
the ball actually landed!
That goal has been
argued about for years!
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(IN ENGLISH) No! Freeze the frame.
Look.
Look at the crowd.
It's them.
I know it's them.
(OWL HOOTING)
ALBERT: Look where
you're going, you daft prat!
JEREMY: Oh, do shut up. This way.
ALBERT: All right, clever clogs.
- (JEREMY GASPS)
- (FABRIC TEARING)
ALBERT: Sorry.
JEREMY: Don't worry.
It's only a 500 quid suit.
(GRUNTS)
Argh!
Right, then.
On the count of three.
- One...
- Oh, no. Just chuck it in.
Huh?
- (GRUNTS)
- (SPLASHING)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
Let the buggers try
and find us now, eh?
(BELCHES)
(SHOUTING)
- (LAUGHS)
- (SHOUTING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
MAN: Right. Hold it there.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
"This, of course, doesn't mean
"that the pound in your pocket
has been devalued."
"There's some people on the pitch.
"They think it's all over.
"It is now!"
Yes, it's a pretty good bouncer.
Wakey wakey!
(HUMMING)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIREN WAILING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Show me.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Oh, fuck.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(PANTING)
(PANTING)
(GUN FIRES)
Christ sake.
Don't be such a wimp.
Good heavens. Jeremy Coward.
Those things are bloody lethal.
Ah, poor diddums!
Lucky for you, they're not.
Well, the good news is I am dead.
- Can I go please?
- No.
Go to the neutral zone and tell them
you've been eliminated,
along with the rest of your crowd.
At least the chase man, Hatton,
put up a bit of a fight.
Bye.
Aw, for God's sake!
- You're supposed to be dead.
- That makes two of us.
Care to bunk off for a spot of lunch?
(MEN CHEERING)
(CLAMOURING)
- There you go.
- (CHEERING)
MAN: Quiet, lads, please.
- (CHEERING)
- MAN: Game on.
(CHEERING)
(CLAMOURING)
- You joined us?
- I dropped in, luckily.
But it's time we won't like something
that really matters, eh?
Forget all that, Sean. It's
the weekend. Same again?
Aye, get them in before
we go on strike pay.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ You think you've lost your love
♪ Well, I saw her yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
(SONG STALLING AND REPEATING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This is incredible.
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
♪ Yesterday
(SONG REPEATS IN BACKGROUND)
Bit of a conundrum, old chap, eh?
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Well, Oleg.
We need to figure it out.
Before gossip spreads.
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
This strike's in nobody's interest.
I must make the lads at
Braithwaite's see that.
It's his fault. He's tight fisted.
Anyway, eat your pie
up before it gets cold.
I think things are
coming to the crunch.
Mum, can Morris leave
the table now he's finished?
Bloody hell, Sharon.
(LAUGHS)
♪ Wild thing
(SQUEAKING)
♪ You make everything ♪
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
What is it? Scenery for
a propaganda film about the English?
I doubt it. They wouldn't have locked
the door and kept the room secret.
♪ Wild thing
♪ I think I love you
- (SQUEAKING)
- (GASPS)
♪ Come on and hold me tight
♪ I love you ♪
I know him.
Who is it?
Bobby Charlton, of course.
(BELL CLANGING)
Come on, Georgie.
- (KNOCKING AT DOOR)
- Rise and shine.
(lNDISTINCT VOICE ON RADIO)
Breakfast?
Oh, God, no... Coffee.
(SIGHS)
What are these people
wittering on about?
Silage, absolutely fascinating.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I think I overdid it a bit last night
I didn't say anything
indiscreet, did I?
Afraid so, confessed you
fancied me for months.
Said I was the hottest thing
in pants in the city.
No, seriously Jeremy, business wise?
(SIGHS) I have an awful feeling I said
something I shouldn't.
No...
But you know how silage is made,
by the way?
(CHEERING)
MAN: Some people say that
Braithwaite's is a family firm.
Family, my arse!
(MEN CHEERING)
I, no... Oh, yes, I noticed...
I noticed that Mr Harvey,
and his stuck-up office lot
don't have to clock on like we do.
No!
Or have their pay docked
if they're a couple of minutes late!
(JEERING)
Yes.
And I'll tell you this...
if our demands are not met in full,
- then we strike immediately.
- (CHEERING)
(CHANTING) Strike,
strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
- Strike, strike, strike, strike.
- All right.
- Strike, strike.
- All right, all right!
- I understand your feelings.
- (MEN CLAMOURING)
But a strike's in nobody's interest.
- (MEN CLAMOURING)
- It must be...
It must be our last resort.
ALL: No!
(CHANTING) Strike,
strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
Strike, strike, strike, strike.
♪ A mouse lived in a windmill
♪ In old Amsterdam
♪ A windmill with a mouse in
♪ And he wasn't grousin'
♪ He sang every
morning, "How lucky I am
♪ "Living in a windmill
in old Amsterdam" ♪
WOMAN ON RECORDING:
How now brown cow.
How now brown cow.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
She's asking how a brown cow is doing.
WOMAN ON RECORDING:
A large gin and it.
Please, my good man.
A large gin and it.
Sounds like the BBC.
No, it's more of a phonetics lesson.
WOMAN ON RECORDING:
I am the very model
of a modern major general.
I am the very model
of a modern major general.
(IN ENGLISH) I have
information, animal,
vegetable, and mineral.
WOMAN ON RECORDING: Peter Piper
picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Peter Piper picked a
peck of pickled peppers.
(PHONE RINGING)
Good morning, Serena.
(ALL BOOING)
Tight arse!
Come for your white feather, Jeremy?
How about those guys?
Just gave us a bit of a be a sting.
Thanks to wimps like you.
Never mind, it's only a game.
Come on, it's business.
Now, what's Worldwide Resources'
rating at the moment?
Moody classified it at A3, a real dog.
Even the bucket
shops won't touch them.
JEREMY: Reason being?
MAN: General world recession.
And they're currently facing
a multimillion dollar lawsuit.
What if there was no lawsuit and Worldwide
just made a huge oil strike in Alaska?
- Totally different.
- And that's what's happened.
When New York opens this afternoon,
Barker Isaacs will be flat out
to corner the market.
Their Wall Street office
will be making a dawn raid.
Unless we ramp the market here first.
Precisely.
(PHONE RINGING)
Very sharp.
- Quite something, isn't he?
- Razor sharp.
Word of advice,
if you don't want to get hurt,
keep it strictly business with JC.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This must be their range. Check it.
Clutching at straws, aren't we?
I knew who they were.
But this is all very strange.
Andrei Zorin.
Used to be Chief of Department here.
I got his military dossier, personal
file. We can easily locate him.
Zorin.
I remember the name.
Yes. But what about these two?
- Vladimir Zelenski.
- (TYPING ON KEYBOARD)
Sergei Rublev.
Also KGB officers.
But no personal files after 1966.
I saw an ol' clip of Colin Bell
on the telly last week.
- Oh, yeah.
- Fabulous footballer.
Ever see him play?
I'm a season ticket holder.
Pretty exciting, those days.
Bell, Lee, Summerbee.
Ah, football with footballers.
Exactly.
But what happened, Albert?
I'll tell you.
Greed!
Greed's killed the game.
People nowadays are never
satisfied with what they've got.
Mmm.
One of Arthur's better days.
I was in old Bob's den the other day.
He lets me knock in the odd jibe.
Oh...
They rolled him in a barrel
and baptised him into the guild
of coopers before you were born.
He's never seen a
strike at Braithwaite's.
The lads only want to
keep up with inflation.
Listen to me, Robinson.
Greedy employees are ruining football.
They're ruining the country.
But I'll see you all starve
before you ruin Braithwaite's!
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
It's a waste of time.
He's only babbling in English.
(IN ENGLISH) Comrade Zorin,
you have a distinguished visitor.
A major from the KGB, no less.
Hello, Andrei.
The talk is over.
The Directorate thought
we better have a little...
Chin wag.
"Rumbling under blackened girders,
"Midland, bound for Cricklewood,
"Puffed its sulphur to the sunset
"where that land of laundries stood."
This dispute has really
hurt me, you know.
It's always been
such a friendly place.
Look how we all work
together for the telephone.
The thing is, nowadays,
people like to be trusted.
- What do you mean?
- Well...
Clocking on machines.
Normal industrial practise.
The Japanese will show us the way.
There's no difference there
between management and men.
Everyone's treated the same.
You're telling me, that if we
all wear regulation boiler suits,
and do jujitsu in the canteen,
he'll drop the bloody claim?
No.
But, perhaps, if you made
some sort of gesture, say,
got rid of the clocking on machines
my members might temper their demands.
NINA: 1966,
the British had a general election.
Was this something to do with that?
It's so long ago.
So long ago.
Harold and George... (MUTTERS)
Sir Alec...
All so long ago.
What is the significance of
Alf's Wingless Wonders?
Good old Bobby, good old Nobby.
(ANDREl CHUCKLES)
We think
these two young men are agents.
Vladimir Zelenski
and Sergei Rublev.
The secret
was 4-4-2, you see.
Only two up front. That's the key.
We are gravely concerned about them.
All the records have been erased.
Do you know anything about it?
The Czech had said
it couldn't be done.
Joe Stalin said it couldn't be done.
But I did it.
I did it.
Did what?
What did you do?
What the hell was it all about?
"It has been a hard
"day's night.
"And I been working like a dog.
"It's been a hard day's night
"I should be sleeping
"like a log."
(SNORES)
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
- MAN: Let's bugger out, lads.
- ALL: Yeah.
Don't know what they're smiling for.
We didn't get that 12ºº.
Not far off. Still a good deal though.
You know, he's a crafty bugger
getting rid of these things.
There'd have been
a strike, but for that.
Aye, happens so.
(MEN CHEERING)
(CLAPPING AND WHOOPING)
A little prezzie from JC
to the downtrodden worker.
(ALL CHEERING)
WOMAN: Red faces
all around inside that
citadel of silly arses.
- Barker Isaacs.
- (ALL CHEERING)
Especially,
for Bl's full-time head guru
and part-time head banger,
Nigel Henderson.
(ALL CHEERING)
Our Nige was the
victim of a brutal leg over
when the Hamilton Fairchild A-team
zapped Barker Isaacs
in a dawn raid on worldwide resources.
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL SHOUTING)
"Get back in your bucket, John!"
I think someone had a
leg over Barker Isaacs
in more senses than one.
What are you suggesting, Alison?
I know who your Bl mole was.
"Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie...
"Kissed the girls and made them cry."
Definitely heard a funny noise
up there, Albert.
Got the ladder out to have a look.
It's the tank.
Or a mouse or something.
I bet there's nothing up there.
Except a great big
greenish, scaly,
red-eyed monster mouse.
Who's going to gobble up
poor little Sandy
Wandy's squidgy face.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(DOG GROWLS)
(RADIO DRONING)
That's a funny noise, Morris.
(DRONING CONTINUES)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
What's going on?
It's unbelievable.
One of the transmitters is still on.
It's impossible.
Wait.
I hear something.
Here.
(SHARON SPEAKING lNDISTINCTLY)
SHARON: I'm going
to smack your bottom.
Don't be a potty mouth!
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This is A-L-F-4-4-2.
Who are you?
Who are you?
That's a silly voice, Mr Man.
(IN ENGLISH) This
is A-L-F-4-4-2. Identify.
Identify.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
This is A-L-F-4-4-2.
Who are you?
(IN ENGLISH)
This is A-L-F,
4-4-2.
Identify.
Identify.
SHARON: You're a
very silly monkey, Morris.
Playing with Dad's toys.
He's very cross with you.
ALBERT: Oh, Sharon.
It's time you're in bed.
Hey, you get snuggled up.
I'll come read you a story
in a minute, all right?
(SOFTLY) Night, night.
SHARON: You're always getting
me into trouble, Morris.
You're a bad, bad boy.
(WHIRRING)
Albert?
(MEN SPEAKING lNDISTINCTLY)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
How's comrade Zorin doing?
I think he's not as
insane as he seems.
Anything on Zelenski and Rublev?
No.
However, a funny incident
with a transmitter has occurred.
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(HORN HONKING)
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
Yeah?
Sorry, I don't understand you.
What?
Who the hell is this?
It's Vladimir.
Vladimir Zelenski.
Some major has
arrived from Moscow, sir.
MAN: Well, let them wait, will you.
Sure, sure.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
He will be with you soon.
He's got important work to do.
How was your flight?
- Did you tell him it was urgent?
- Sure. In English.
This is what we speak here.
I hope you don't mind speaking it too.
(IN ENGLISH) Not at all.
"When in Rome,
"do as Romans do."
And don't lie to me in any language.
I said it was urgent.
(CHEERING)
Great run.
Great run. How about that, huh?
Give me some goddamn skin, Igor.
Yeah.
(LAUGHS)
Major Grishina, sir.
Major Grishina, huh?
Eh, that's a good-looking broad.
Things must be looking up in the KGB.
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
I didn't expect you to be a woman.
(IN ENGLISH) And I didn't expect you to
look like something out of Disneyland.
I'm a Soviet spy working in the West,
honey. What do you want me to wear?
- Fur hat, an I Love Leningrad t-shirt?
- (CHUCKLES)
(CHUCKLES)
Hi.
I'm Victor Chekhov.
No relation.
I would appreciate
your undivided attention.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
Leave us.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
So?
Do the names Vladimir Zelenski
and Sergei Rublev
mean anything to you?
Sure, weren't they
a couple ofjugglers?
In fact, didn't they top the bill at
"Sunday Night on the
Moscow Palladium"?
I would advise against flippancy.
And I would advise against
the KGB waltzing into Highgate
like it was Afghanistan.
In fact, you ever walk into
my office again like that,
I'll throw you out on your butt.
Got that, comrade?
Moscow has lost two agents.
They are rogue and out of control.
This is a serious and urgent matter
and I am in charge of it.
Got that, comrade?
No.
No.
These two jokers don't
mean a thing to me.
Andrei Zorin, I did know.
Bit of a guru in your
branch of the KGB.
Then it was decided he
was ideologically unsound.
Then he got a one-way
ticket to Palookaville.
Gorky, in fact.
Same thing.
OK, Major, leave this with me.
Thank you.
I really appreciate your help.
(CHUCKLES) Anytime, huh?
Have a nice day.
She seems a bit of a handful.
Anything of interest, sir?
Once upon a time,
a secret room was
discovered in the Kremlin
revealing that two agents have
been missing for 25 years.
How does that grab you?
Sounds totally implausible.
It's probably true.
Yeah.
She's KGB.
So what's she really up to?
I'll bet them union organisers
down in London
are gonna be proud of you
the way you handled Braithwaite's.
Aye, maybe.
Er, now you know where the
building society book is, don't you?
Albert, I think I will manage to cope
without you for a couple of days.
Yeah, right. Er, if you do
need it, it's in the sideboard.
Get on with you. You'll be late.
See you Gary, Wayne.
Come up, you two. I'm off.
- Bye, Dad.
- See you, Dad.
Oh.
Here's a bit of extra
pocket money for you.
- Oh, great, Dad.
- Thank you, Dad.
- Take care of your Mum, yeah.
- OK.
- Ta-ra.
- BOTH: See you.
- You are a big softie, Albert.
- (LAUGHS)
- Where's our Sharon?
- She's upstairs.
- She lost her bloody monkey.
- Oh.
- SHARON: Morris.
- I'll say goodbye for you.
No, no, I better.
SHARON: Morris.
Morris.
Where are you?
Where's Morris, Dad?
I reckon you're all going to
meet some fancy woman.
- Eh?
- (CHUCKLES)
Packed enough for a fortnight.
No, no.
Just a couple of nights.
Oh, I'm only joking.
Is anything wrong, Albert?
'Course not.
- I love you.
- (CHUCKLES)
You are a big softie, Albert.
Them carrots will be boiling over.
VICTOR: Well, you're talking
out your ass, Karl,
he was a lousy quarterback.
Bradshaw for the
Steelers, that was the man.
KARL: Both yesterday's men.
- So Victor, what's on your mind?
- (SIGHS)
(STAMMERS) Well,
it's a bit embarrassing, really.
- We lost a couple of our agents.
- How lost?
Lost, lost. We don't
know where they are, lost.
Disappeared, lost?
The UK?
Yeah, maybe.
When lost?
- 1966.
- (LAUGHS)
You got to be kidding me.
And you're only just missing 'em?
Yeah, well, I said it
was embarrassing.
And... Listen, Karl, look, look.
If those guys are here,
we got to find them.
They were programmed
back in the Cold War.
We don't know whether they're working
in our interest or anybody else's.
Names.
Vladimir Zelenski, Sergei Rublev.
Look, er...
if they had defected,
or you had 'em eliminated,
you know, just let us know, huh?
I'll check it out, but no favours.
And, er, we'll expect
something in return.
Oh, yeah, sure.
For instance, would you be prepared
to tell the CIA
what a Major Grishina
of the KGB is doing in town?
- Oh, that's news to me, he is, Karl.
- (LAUGHS)
There's a lot of things I don't know,
but I can tell a he from a she.
VICTOR: Oh. (LAUGHS)
KARL: Nice looking broad, too.
Did you get it?
He was a bit chatty but he
scribbled me something in the end.
I can't believe that you guys in Ml5
have to beg for a goddamn receipt
for two cups of tea and a Milky Way.
Yes.
You and your bloody glasnost.
Hold this a moment.
Now we're all chums,
cut-backs are really hitting us.
It's hurting us all,
George, it's hurting us all.
Anyway, look, the thing is this...
It could be important
that we trace these guys.
Bit tricky. Gone missing in 1966.
I was only four at the time.
Yeah, well, I had already ruled you out
as being personally responsible, George.
Of course...
In the '60s,
we tended to lose our chaps to you
- rather than vice-versa.
- (LAUGHS) Yeah.
Yeah, good old days, huh?
Good old days.
Oh, no.
(CARS HONKING)
(SPEAKING RUSSIAN)
Hello, Sergei Alexeevich.
Good afternoon, Vladimir Efimovich.
(IN ENGLISH) it is you.
- Amazing.
- It's been a long time.
It really is you, isn't it, Sergei?
- You haven't changed at all.
- You put on weight.
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
Sorry, I'm late.
- I had a bit of trouble with the car.
- Really?
Incredible.
More than 20 years.
If it's not a silly
question, comrade...
Might one ask what you're doing
with a monkey?
- You've talked to the other side?
- (SIGHS)
Yeah, well, the Cold
War is over, honey.
We now have an arrangement with
the West for mopping up spillages.
Hardly anyone in Moscow knows about this,
and you've talked to the CIA and Ml5!
Just the essentials. Look, in
the long run, it will save time.
Let's just see what they come up with.
- And meanwhile?
- Well, whatever you like...
Your first visit, why don't
you take in some sight-seeing?
There's some excellent
theatre in London.
Yeah, and I guess you're anxious
to check out Harrods.
I'd like to follow
another line of enquiry,
and have a look at the archive records
of all London-Moscow traffic
during the mid-'60s.
Well, if you can't be bothered, er,
Kostov will arrange it for you.
Don't worry about that.
I've already talked to
your charming archivist.
So that's it.
Those KGB bastards dream up
the biggest fairy story in the world
just to get their noses
inside our records.
You stay very close to her, Kostov.
KARL: Zelenski and
Rublev don't exist, sir.
They never have.
Not only do we have no data on them,
but neither does the Lubyanka.
I know because we hacked
into their mainframe.
So this missing agent
crap is just a front.
Affirmative.
Then why is this Major
Grishina really here?
Well, that's difficult
to say right now, sir.
Okay, Karl. Stay close to it.
Oh, and, er...
Naturally, don't let
the Brits in on this.
Hmm.
These luncheon expenses seem to be
on the steep side, George.
Burger King, sir.
I thought it was rather good value.
What's wrong with the staff canteen,
may I ask?
I was tailing
the Bulgarian cultural attaché, sir.
Mmm-hmm. Stick to coffee.
I want a bit less
of these flame-grilled Whoppers.
There's a good chap.
Now...
What's happening on the Russian front?
I've ferreted right
through the records, sir,
and can find absolutely no trace
of Chekhov's so-called missing agents.
So, playwright's deliberately trying
to mislead us, hmm?
I'm not sure, but
something's going on, sir.
ALBERT: It was certainly Moscow,
well, in Russia anyway,
but they didn't use the lock-in code.
So, what now?
Well, I think we should use the
emergency code and contact Highgate.
- Don't you?
- Yeah.
Certainly.
- What are you doing?
- I thought we'd find a quiet spot
and have a little chat.
ALBERT:
Thought they'd forgotten all about us.
- JEREMY: I'm glad they haven't.
- Oh, aye.
I meant they're taking their time,
that's all.
- JEREMY: Yeah.
- (ALBERT SIGHS)
Hardly touched me breakfast.
I'm famished.
I could murder a barm cake.
Tell me, what have you done
with the transmitter?
It's in me bag.
I signed for it.
- You know what they're like.
- Yeah, indeed.
I reckon they'll send us back home.
Well, I hope so.
I've had this country up to here.
By the way, how did you get my number?
Well, it wasn't easy.
I knew your alias, and I knew
you lived in a place down south.
- Ah.
- Luckily, it's not all that common a name.
I eventually dragged the list out
of directory enquiries.
Five years of secret training,
20-odd years' hibernation,
and you get my number
from directory enquiries.
- (LAUGHS)
- Superb, isn't it?
Did you write it down anywhere?
I may be rusty, Sergei,
but I am a trained agent.
Yeah.
(SIGHS)
(PAPER CRUMPLING)
I found The Mousetrap
a great disappointment.
But Cats,
I've been to see three times.
Really, what does this play reveal
about British character?
(SCOFFS)
I don't know.
It's just an entertainment, a musical.
About cats.
Musical cats.
And people queue up to see it.
Extraordinary.
Very little on Zorin.
But there might be something here.
He apparently requested a surveillance
film to be shot over here.
30th July, 1966.
Is there a film archive here?
(CRASHES)
Suppose it'd be easy
for you. No attachments.
You shouldn't have gotten involved,
for Christ's sake.
I know, I know.
I didn't for years.
Then I met Sandra, and it was like...
Well, there'll never be anyone else.
And the kids. If you haven't
got any, you just don't know.
Tell 'em off when they're naughty.
Sit up nights when they're ill.
Have such high hopes.
Always think they're the best kids
in the world.
They'll never know why I left.
They'll always hate me for it.
If you're gonna shoot me...
At least look me in the eyes.
(GUN CLICKS)
What is it you're playing at?
I'm not going in.
No attachments?
I'm on 300 grand a year.
I've got a flat in town,
a cottage in the country,
a string of girlfriends,
and half a bloody racehorse.
What the hell do you mean
by no attachments?
- Oh?
- Think I'm gonna give it all up?
For a bowl of red cabbage?
And a bedsit in Vladivostok?
Fancy a pint?
The only thing I can find of
significance for July 30th, 1966 is...
The World Cup Final.
The German Federal Republic
have just taken the lead.
Will you sit down?
All right, I don't wanna go back
any more than you do.
But I'd rather go in
than have them come and get me.
I don't want my family put at risk.
Look.
I don't even know where Eccles is.
How the hell are the
KGB gonna find you?
That radio call was random.
They have sod all to go on.
So trust me.
That's a laugh. You
came here to kill me.
How many more times? I'm sorry.
All right.
We sit tight, and ignore it.
- But I hope you're right.
- Twenty-five years, haven't got a chance.
Do you really drag in
300 grand a year, Sergei?
Give or take, yeah.
Well, get 'em in again, you overpaid,
southern smartarse.
- Ah, great ball, Nobby!
- Good shot! Ah!
Look at the camera work.
Every time something exciting happens,
it turns to the crowd.
Wait a goddamn minute.
Will you look at that?
This is dynamite.
Did you see that?
A close-up of where
the ball actually landed!
That goal has been
argued about for years!
(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(IN ENGLISH) No! Freeze the frame.
Look.
Look at the crowd.
It's them.
I know it's them.
(OWL HOOTING)
ALBERT: Look where
you're going, you daft prat!
JEREMY: Oh, do shut up. This way.
ALBERT: All right, clever clogs.
- (JEREMY GASPS)
- (FABRIC TEARING)
ALBERT: Sorry.
JEREMY: Don't worry.
It's only a 500 quid suit.
(GRUNTS)
Argh!
Right, then.
On the count of three.
- One...
- Oh, no. Just chuck it in.
Huh?
- (GRUNTS)
- (SPLASHING)
(BIRDS SQUAWKING)
Let the buggers try
and find us now, eh?
(BELCHES)
(SHOUTING)
- (LAUGHS)
- (SHOUTING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
MAN: Right. Hold it there.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)