Shrill (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 5 - Wedding - full transcript

- Excuse me, sir.
What's in this mystery pack?

- Rabbit jerky.
It tastes like ass.

- Wow.
Quite the salesman.

How much for this hat?

- $10.
- What?

I would have paid $1,000.

- Hey, what's happening?
You went pee 30 minutes ago.

I fell asleep out there.
Let's go.

- Wait. What do you think
of this hat?

- I mean, gorgeous.

- I know.
And it's only $10.



- What?
Wait a minute.

D-- you can't distract me, okay?
We need to go.

We told your parents we'd be
at the hotel 20 minutes ago.

- We'll get there
when we get there.

You know how much
I love mini-marts.

- Yeah, but it's
your cousin's wedding,

and your whole family
just flew in

from all over the place, right?
So we need to go.

Stop stalling.

Here's $20.
You need to get two hats.

- So bossy.

Sounds like someone needs
a little wining and dining,

if you know what I mean.

Wining, dining, 69-ing.



Okay, come on.

Is it really gonna be
that bad this weekend?

- I mean,
it'll be amazing at first.

And the next day,
a little less great.

And by the last day,

I'll be chewing my own arm
off to escape.

That's the way it always goes.

- Okay, but it might be
different this time, you know?

I'll be there.
We can make it fun.

- No, you're not there
to have fun.

You're there to be
my emotional support animal,
okay?

Do not let people pet you.

- Okay, but you'll
also have Lamar.

- Really?
I will have Lamar?

- Ma'am, it's actually
not like that, okay?

I'm a happily taken woman.

- This is gonna be
36 consecutive hours

of over 100 judgmental
Nigerians in one place.

It's not gonna be easy.

- Okay, but
it's Abby's wedding.

Like, no one's gonna
even notice that we're there.

- That makes it worse.

They always compare
me and Abby.

- Wow.
Well, tough weekend

for Abby then, okay?

She should be shakin'
in her boots,

because you are
a certified perfect angel.

- See, that is what an
emotional support animal does.

- Aww.

- Thank you.

- Okay.
Bow wow, my bitch.

Does that mean you're gonna
give me little treats?

- Yeah.
- Okay, good.

- I'll feed you scraps.
- Yeah?

I thought I saw you
at the airport.

- Look at you!

- It's over here.
- Look! It's our Frances!

Hi, Auntie.

- And she brought
her white wife.

- No, no.
This is my best friend, Annie.

- But I'm happy to be
the white wife

for the rest of my white life.

- My sweet Frances!

- Hi, mum.

- I've missed you!
- I've missed you too.

- You look so beautiful.

And look at you, Annie!
- Come get your father.

Come.

Both of you, so gorgeous!

- Hey, you girls carried all
this heavy luggage yourselves?

Now you're just showing off.

- My God.

- "Wine 'em, dine 'em, 69 'em."

I don't know what this means.

- Finally.
- Hi!

What's happening, sis?

- Hi.
- Hello.

You girls had me worried.

You are three hours late.

- Mum, please.
We're only 45 minutes late.

There was a lot of traffic.
- Really?

We came from London,
but we're on time.

You're always late.

You were late
for your own birth.

I was in labor for 53 hours.
The hottest summer on record.

- You always bring this up.
I mean,

you haven't seen me
in eight months,

and this is what
you want to talk about.

- Well, we would have more time
if you were on time.

- Mum, please.
There was traffic.

Look, a baby.

- Aw, look at that baby!

- Always works.

Let me get these to our room.

- That got so real, so quick.
Are you okay?

- What?
That was nothing.

- We were just saying hello.
- Really?

'Cause I felt like that amount
of honesty

would have slowly seeped
out of my mom

over the course of 20 years,

and you guys covered it
in two minutes.

I'm honestly impressed.

- Whoo!
- Cheers!

- And every time I took Frances
and Lamar out shopping

when they were very little,
Fran would run off.

Just disappear.

Once, I found her
standing in a toilet.

- What?
Eww!

Fran, you were a very bad baby.

- My God, I was exploring.

- So, Annie, will you be taking
this opportunity

to fornicate again
with my son?

- Dad, calm down.
- What?

- Dad.
- My God.

I'm-- so, everyone
just knows everything.

- Yes.
- It was just easier

to tell them
about your stuff,

'cause that way
they don't ask about me.

- Wow, thank you.
- Hey!

Eat!

If you don't clean your plates,
it's a slap in my face.

Annie, this is

our sister, Bunmi.

The mother
of the beautiful bride.

I love weddings.

It's the beginning
of everything.

Then you live,
and then you are dead.

- Iyawa.
- Wow.

- She's the worst.

Congratulations
on the wedding, Auntie.

- Lamar, when will I be coming
to your wedding?

- I'm not engaged,
so you won't be, all right?

You have a good job.

You should be looking
for a wife.

- Hey, Annie and Lamar

have been having
sexual relations,

so there may be
something there.

- So white wife
is for Lamar?

- Why not?
- Fuck,

this is the best moment
of my life.

- O-okay, wow.
And we're just--

we're back at it again,
and I love that.

- I love it too!
- You love it too. Okay.

- Fran is nearly 30,

- and she's not married, so--
- Lamar!

I even let you sleep
with my white wife.

- Fran, that is shameful.

I can introduce you
to a nice Nigerian man

with a beautiful home.
An ER doctor.

- You'll never have to see him.

- For the millionth time,
Fran is a lesbian.

So?

You can be a lesbian
and marry a man.

Haven't you met
your Aunt Ife?

Aunt Ife.

- My God!

- Hey.
Where were you?

- I was just getting some air.

Where have you been?

You missed breakfast.
Late again.

- I know. I overslept.
Sorry.

- No need for apologies.
Just get ready.

So what do we think?

So gorgeous!

- Aww!

- You look so nice.
- I'm beside myself.

Tell me, where are you going
for your honeymoon?

- We're holding off for a year,
until after my residency,

- Aww.
- I can't believe I'm so lucky

to have
such an amazing daughter,

who blesses my life every day.

- A daughter who has
found love, and is a doctor.

Yay!

- You are so fortunate,
my sister.

- And you.
Soon Frances will be a lawyer.

Your mother tells me
you're applying for law school.

How wonderful.

- Wow.
I didn't know that I was.

- She is still thinking
about it.

No, I'm not.

Sorry to be
such a disappointment, mum.

- Fran, don't be sensitive.

I was just having
a conversation with my sister.

I hope that Frances will find
her way, just as Abby did.

- Please don't talk about me
like I'm not here,

and please don't lie about me.

- Calm yourself, Frances.
This is not the time.

- I don't need
to figure things out.

I like what I'm doing
with my life.

- Hey! Your mother and father
were supportive of you

when you chose to be gay!

You could at least
get a better job!

- No.
- Please do not--

- Chose to be gay?

I didn't choose to be gay.
I am gay.

Just like you didn't choose
to be ignorant.

- Did you call me ignorant?
- All right, Auntie.

- What do you
teach your daughter?

- Don't yell at my mum.
- Frances!

You must treat
your aunties with respect!

I did not raise you this way.

- Why do you always
do this to me?

You could never be on my side.
This is why I never go home.

- Do you know how much
your mother sacrificed for you?

What has happened to this girl?
- Everybody, stop.

- Please don't ruin today!
Please don't ruin today!

Be happy,
or I'm going to scream.

Save it
for the brunch tomorrow.

- Abby.
- Nobody care about the brunch.

- Abby, it's okay.
It's okay.

- Are you okay?
- No.

- She looks so beautiful!

- She is.
- So gorgeous!

- How cool is that cake, right?
It's, like, crazy.

Not-- not crazy weird,
just-- it's just a cake.

And not-- not weird at all.

It's actually--

it would be the same cake
at, like, a white we--

a white's wedding as well.

It's this way.
Follow me.

- You guys.
Will you help me with my dress?

- Yeah!
- Thanks.

Oof.

My God.
Thank you.

I haven't peed
since I was an unmarried woman.

- So is this the happiest day
of your entire life?

Because I know
it's the happiest day

of my mum's entire life.

- You know, I never would've
thought it would be this good,

but it is the happiest day
of my life.

- Aw.
- Aw, That's so nice.

- I wish I could be
good like you.

It'd make things like this
so much easier.

I hate that they compare us.

You know, I'm just a freak

whose life goals just happen
to be what my parents want.

- Fuck off.
- Okay, can you let me

reach past your pussy
and get some toilet paper?

- Of course. Yes.
- Seriously.

And it's not fair that
when our family left Lagos,

yours moved to London
and mine moved here?

I could have
been fuckin' British.

Instead,
I'm from fuck-turd Oregon.

- Yeah, I'm absolutely perfect.
Tell that to my mother.

- Okay, Fran.
Stop it.

Stop it.
I'm serious.

You're the coolest person
in this family,

and you know that.
So stop playin'.

- Yeah, Fran, you should just
talk to your mom, you know?

You don't want it
to get bigger.

- Okay, so, should we go back
to my wedding now?

- Yes, you beautiful
virgin bride.

- Okay.
Ha, ha!

Yes, virgin.

- Um, you guys go ahead.

I'll be there
in a minute, okay?

- Hi.
- Hey. S'up?

- I kind of feel like I'm 14.

Like hiding behind the school
assembly right now.

- Come on.

You never ditched
a school assembly in your life.

- Yeah, but only because
I was in them doing skits

about how drinking was bad.

Although, skipping them was
kind of my, like, sick fantasy.

I can't.

- Okay.

- I want to.

Like, I really want to,

but...I'm in a relationship.

And it's kind of a serious one.

- I get it.
It's totally fine.

I'm just glad
that you ditched the guy

that was treating you
like trash.

- Yeah, well, it is that guy.

It's the sa-- it's the same guy.

- What?
That piece of shit?

- But he-- he's
really different now.

- As long as you're happy.

I just think you deserve more.

- Okay, but I am happy.

And he and I--
we're actually in love,

so I actually think
that's enough.

- I'm sorry.

- Mum?
- Frances.

- Can I sit?

- Look, I don't want this
to fester between us, okay?

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you.

- I'm sorry, too.

I should never have said
anything about law school.

And don't listen
to your Aunt Iyawa.

It wasn't easy for your dad
and me

when you told us you were gay,

and we're still trying
to understand,

but we want you to be happy.

- I know you don't think
like she does.

But I need you to know
that what I do with my life

is not to make things
harder for you.

- Yes,

but sometimes it feels
like you do things

just to be rebellious.
- Maybe when I was younger,

but now, I do what I do
because it's what I want.

- I know.
You've always been unafraid,

which is why we thought
you were leaving

so that you could
achieve something

unbelievable in your career.

- But mum, I'm not a lawyer
on purpose.

Doing hair gives me freedom.
I'm my own boss.

That's pretty unbelievable,
I think.

- Yes, that's true.

But what is hard for me is

we thought you came here

to do something
you can't do back home.

You can do hair in London.
But you want to be here.

Away from us.

- At first, yes, I thought
it was to get away,

because there were
so many expectations

that I knew
that I would never fill.

But then I went away
for school,

and I found
a life that fits me.

It just happens to be far away.

But you and dad
will always be my first home.

I love you.

- I love you too.

You're not like anyone else.

You will always be the baby
standing in the toilet.

- Fran?

Fran, can you move
over a little?

- Be careful.

That's how I got
my first ever black eye.

All right?

- I mean, she won't even move.

- It's like she's stronger
when she's sleeping.

- Do you know what?
Just take my bed.

I can sleep on the floor.

- No.

No, you can't sleep
on the floor.

Um...

We're adults.
We can share a bed.

- Yeah.
We can.

- Okay.

Good night.

- Yeah, good night.
Um...

Good night.

Aww, dad.

It was so good
to see you.

Come on, sis. Don't cry.
Don't cry.

Aww. You're the best.

- Here, take this with you.

Put a paper towel on top
if you microwave it.

It keeps it moist.

- So, Annie.

I heard you and Lamar
slept butt to butt last night.

- Wow.
- Wow.

- Really, Fran?
- I didn't tell him, I swear.

- Bye, Annie.

- Why are you so nervous?
- Okay, bye.

Frances.

- Go. Come on.
- Man.

- Don't waste time.

- You must be exhausted.

- Actually, I feel good.

Even kind of special
in my own dumb way.

- Aww.
- But I'm so ready to go home.

- Well, hold on.
You're not totally ready.

- What do you mean?

- Bam.
- Aw.

You look so stupid.

- I actually look incredible.

Although I do feel like
dine 'em straight into 69 'em--

that's a rough transition,
okay?

- Yeah.
- Ready?

Wow.

Now you're ready to go home.
- Yeah.