Shrill (2019–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Episode #2.3 - full transcript
- I really loved the pieces you
submitted in your application.
That troll piece was
fascinating.
So insightful.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I've really tried to
push myself this past month,
and, you know, this is the kind
of in-depth stuff
I could've never done
at "The Thorn."
- It is really impressive to me
that someone so young
has such
a clearly defined voice.
- I'm impressed
by everything about you.
I- I mean,
I would love to work for you.
And I'm kind of a workaholic.
Like, if I'm not busy, I'm sad.
- Well, you are
a great essayist.
But unfortunately, Annie,
I do not think
"The Bridgetown Tribune"
would be a good fit for you.
- I mean, a daily newspaper
is a totally different animal,
and we're looking
for a beat reporter
with a lot of experience.
But I would love to offer you
an internship.
Though I should mention
it's unpaid.
Fuck.
- Um, it's just that--
that sounds so nice.
I just-- I also need money.
- Well, typically, our interns
get another job to earn money.
- Okay, but this was me
getting a job for money.
Um, you know, I've been
submitting everywhere,
and I assumed that something
would lead to something,
but it's really led to nothing,
and it's been a--
it's been a bad month.
So could you please
just let me work here?
For money?
- I'm gonna say good-bye, okay?
- Yeah. Um--
- And thank you for coming in.
Thank you.
- That was-- that was bad.
- Make sure you
face the labels out.
- You don't work here anymore.
- Doesn't mean I can't, like,
hang out and help.
- Well, it kind of does,
actually.
And Dave doesn't want you
touching the shelves, so...
- I worked here
for five years, okay?
My blood
is all over these shelves.
- All right, cool.
- I think I can touch
whatever I want.
Fuckin' Dave.
- You have to find
somewhere else to be.
How about that?
Because you can't be here
anymore.
- Ryan, you don't work here
anymore.
- Which makes me the customer,
which means I'm always right.
- You have to leave.
- Mike was stacking
the cans wrong.
- I don't give a shit.
This is my business!
Now get out of here
before I call the cops...
or your mom.
See?
Make sure the labels
are facing out.
- I know. Yeah, they're--
I will-- they will.
- Mom?
Dad?
Hello?
- Holy shit.
- Okay, listen to this.
Maureen tells everybody
that her uncle
came up with the ideas
for Hooters
and that his name
is Fred Hooters.
- See, this is the kind of
scorching-hot gossip
that I can't believe I only get
it, like, every few weeks now.
- Yeah, but you're doing good,
though, right?
- Um, it's definitely
different
than I thought it would be.
But I'm-- I'm good.
I'm really good. I...
I just had an interview
at "The Bridgetown Tribune."
And it was great.
It was great,
and I think it's gonna happen.
- That's great.
- Yeah,
but who cares about that?
I want to hear
about the big promotion.
- Well,
it's mostly just taking care
of people's dumb shit.
Like, Andy came to my desk
four times today.
He wanted to go home
'cause his tooth fell out.
- What?
- Yeah.
I let him go.
I miss everybody, like, a lot
more than I thought I would.
- We miss you, too.
You know what?
You should come
to Ruthie's birthday party.
It's gonna be at
the Oaks Park skating rink.
Studio 54 theme.
- Wow.
"1970s dress code.
- Must have"...
- "Full bush."
- Full bush.
- Wow. Wow.
This is actually very much
my kind of party.
- Yeah?
You should come rub your
success in everyone's face.
Yeah, definitely.
Um, actually,
I'm gonna cover this,
because we're
actually celebrating
a very important promotion.
So I have $3 here,
and then I have this gift card,
and it does--
it says RadioShack, but it's
actually very good anywhere.
You can use it.
- You know what?
Actually, why don't you let me
get this?
I can expense this
'cause I am the boss now.
- Wow.
That's extremely fancy
and really nice.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
- I'll...
I can leave...
the tip.
- It's a origami duck.
Nice.
- Wait, you want us to believe
that the woman who called me
a prude bitch
for never being in an orgy
hasn't had sex in a month?
- Not a soul,
not even a soulless being.
I haven't even fucked a ghost.
- Okay, and we're using "ghost"
as, like, a code word
for masturbation, right?
I'm just trying to understand
how dire the situation is.
- Well, I haven't hooked up
with anyone in a month,
and I'm masturbating
tastefully and sparingly.
Oof.
- Okay, you're braiding
too tight.
Please don't take your sexual
repression out on my scalp.
- Okay, there's no repression.
I've just been hooking up
with people since I was 15.
It feels good to finally get
off the roller coaster.
- I got off
on a roller coaster once.
Tacky.
- I'm sorry.
I need help.
I'm so nervous
about this party,
and I've been jamming
on teen YouTube tutorials
for about two hours now,
and I'm concerned
that I'm starting to look
like the queen of the raccoons.
- Okay, just let me
do your hair
and don't try to do it
yourself.
- Good. I'm gonna get me
some more damn wine.
- Me too, please.
- I love when I get to be your
little gorgeous baby doll.
- And don't call
yourself that.
- Why?
- Annie, what do you think of
Fran's record-long dry spell?
- No, wrong. It's only
a dry spell if you're thirsty.
- I feel like it was very hard
with the Vic shit, you know?
Like, if she wants to take
a break, she should do that.
- Okay, yes, but I'm moving on
to the next stage of my life,
which means no more
emotionally destroying
all of the women
in the Pacific Northwest.
And, Annie, how do you feel
about adding
about 4 pounds more hair?
- Yes,
I very much want to look
like a horse in heat.
A gorgeous horse in heat.
Wow!
You didn't tell me
this was gonna be '70s themed.
- Yeah, I mean, why are you
dressed like that?
- 'Cause this is
the way I dress.
- Hey!
What the fucking shit is this?
- God.
Ruthie, I'm sorry.
Amadi told me about your party,
so I thought it was okay.
- I'm just--
I'm just fucking with you.
Scaring people makes me horny.
Wow, it's my birthday.
Did you bring me a gift?
- No, the invitation said
"no gifts."
Give me your earrings.
Well, these are actually
my mom's from college.
"Mom's from college."
A woman belongs in the home,
especially a mom.
- Wow.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Yeah, actually, that could have
been so much worse.
But I think tonight
I'll be okay.
What's wrong with you?
- Hey, chill. Chill.
- A claw machine.
Cool!
- Yeah, those are
the distro guys.
They actually deliver
the papers.
They're really nice.
You should go claw with them
if you want.
- No.
I'm-- I'm here for you tonight.
- Aw.
I- I actually feel good.
Honestly, like, I feel fine.
And I see my buds. I'm good.
Yeah, go. Go claw it up.
- Okay.
All right.
- Ho!
Come on! Damn.
- Hey, Annie.
- There she is.
- Hi!
- Annie!
Okay, I have to ask you
a favor.
Can you please
guard the ladies' room
so I can have sex
with my husband, the boss,
in one of the stalls?
- Sorry, what is happening?
- Cindy's very into me
since the promotion, sex-wise.
I tried to tell her I don't
even have a wall in my office.
It's just, like,
a stack of books.
- Okay, whatever.
You're making more money,
and now I can get an SUV.
Annie, speaking of new
big things, "The Tribune"?
- Yeah.
Yeah, "The Tribune."
It's-- it's gonna be great.
- Well, Amadi was worried
that it was gonna be rough
for you after you left,
and I just said,
"Shut up, loser.
This is Annie, and she
is gonna make it happen."
- Yeah.
I'm gonna make it happen.
And I'm feeling good.
And I'm gonna have
a fucking great night.
Yes!
And you and Amadi are gonna
fucking run this stupid city.
Okay.
Wow, whoo!
You're like
the male Cruella de Vil.
- Okay.
- But don't be mad,
because your outfit...
incroyable!
- Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
These are actually
my own clothes.
- Did you wear it to party
at Club 54?
- It's called Studio 54.
What did you think,
I was ten years old
going from Little League
to doing lines with Halston?
- Who's that?
Plus, your clothes
are all wrong.
They're all
from the fuckin' '90s.
Rollerblades didn't exist
in the '70s.
- Well, neither did we,
but, um, I don't know,
we just thought
it was, like, old and vintage.
- Like you.
- Um, what the fuck
is this music?
Is this, like,
a joke song or something?
- It's Captain & Tennille,
you pieces of shit.
- I-I got you a White Russian.
- Maureen, thank you.
Wow.
- Well, I actually kissed
a white Russian man in 2007.
I- I mean I assume
he was Russian
'cause he didn't say a word.
- Wow.
- It's-- yeah.
- That's cool.
You know, I might--
- So, you know, it's so fun,
just two gal pals in the city
talking sex.
- Yeah.
- But, you know...
You're my hero for quitting
like you did.
No one stands up
to Gabe like that,
and it meant a lot
to a bunch of us.
- Um, well, thank you.
Thanks for saying that.
That-- that means a lot.
- So what's been going on?
I got a job at "The Tribune."
I'm gonna cover
local politics...
I think, so...
- I knew you'd do
something amazing.
- Yeah.
- Hey, hey, did I ever tell you
about the time my brother
tried to wear a top hat
to high school?
It's long but worth it.
- I-I want to hear that,
but I just--
I finished my drink,
so I might get a freshie.
You know?
- Okay, cool.
You know, it was actually not
my brother-- it was me.
My brother wore a cowboy hat.
He looked hot.
Come on, I believe in you.
I'll knock you and throw
you down the fucking stairs
like my fuckin' dad did--
let's go!
You got this. You're
a modern-day Jesus Christ.
Now just bring us home.
- There's a Casio watch
right there!
- Where? What?
- Right by
the stuffed cell phone
and the big-eyed baby cat.
There's a fucking Casio watch!
- It's too stacked.
I don't think
I can get in there.
- Stop thinking that way!
Stop with the stinking thinking
and start
with the money thinking.
- Come on!
- All right?
Now go! Go!
- We love you!
- We love you!
You're awesome!
It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
- I suck!
- Hey!
You are not a loser!
- Do not!
- But you are acting like one!
- Yes!
Get your ass
back in the game, dude.
- So Andy's going
by DJ Pussyhound now?
That guy's
a nasty little freak.
Everybody, listen up.
This is an emergency.
There is an active shooter
in the skating rink right now.
That active shooter is me...
because I'm about to blow
your fucking minds off.
Thank you all so much
for being here.
I know that I may be turning 24
and I may look 16,
but my wish
is to be as wise and amazing
as the oldest person I know,
my gay grandpa, Gabe.
Fuck you, honey.
Kill yourself.
DJ, play my backing track?
Shit.
My perfect moment is ruined.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
- So what-- what are you up to?
I'm great, Angus.
- Cool, but, like, what--
what are you doing now?
- Fuck, man, I'm fucking good.
Tell everybody
I'm fucking great, man.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Hey, really enjoy that.
That's the last bag my dealer
sold me before she died.
Fuck.
- Fuck this whole night.
- Hey, Gabe.
Do you want us
to clear out of here
so you can take
your trademark tiny shit?
- Very funny.
Jesus, I love drugs.
- Pee-pee.
- Gabe.
- Hey, be careful, dude.
Dude, that's ketamine.
Yeah.
Think about how much coke
you would normally do
and do, like, a tenth of that.
- Please, honey.
I invented drugs.
Here we go.
My God.
Um, you are about to go
into a K hole.
- What's that?
- A K hole is the darkest place
in the world,
where you're fully paralyzed
because you've done
too much ketamine.
- No, the '80s was
the darkest place in the world.
This I can handle.
Take the dog
away from the Casio.
- Ryan.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
- Ryan.
- Shake it up.
Annie!
- Annie sauce!
- Ha ha ha.
You did not tell us
that you were with Annie.
- Yeah.
- What the hell?
I thought that you liked us?
- Both of you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I like you as friends, but...
Come on.
Please?
Maybe just the two of us
can talk?
- Yeah.
And I got you this.
So if you need to talk to me
at any point,
just give me a ring.
- Okay.
Okay, I just, um...
I'm kind of freaking the fuck
out right now.
I told everyone, like,
"I'm great," or whatever,
but that's fucking fake,
you know?
And my hair is so heavy
because it's fake,
and I-I drank a lot.
Like, I drank a lot of liquids.
Different liquids all mixed up,
and I'm just--
Like, do I seem okay?
Be honest, please.
Like, does the feelings
in my brain--
are they starting to also
come out to the outside of me?
- You're fine.
You're great.
- Are you sure?
- I promise.
- Yeah.
I feel great.
I feel actually
really fucking great.
Thanks.
I feel fucking great.
It's dog shit out there,
Andrew.
Really fucking bad, okay?
And I don't have anything
to show for it.
I'm sad, I'm mad, nobody
in the world will hire me.
Everyone's real fucking good
on their wheel shoes
showing off making me
look like a dumbass.
Hello, 911?
Yes, could you please kill me
and then bury my body
in the fucking dump?
Sucks.
- Dr. Martin Luther King
once said--
- My God. Shut up.
I don't need to talk
to you anymore,
'cause there's
my real fucking friend.
Amadi?
Annie.
- Can I have a real honesty
talk with you, please?
- Yeah, okay, I get it-- she's
drunk, and she's getting real.
Yeah. Yeah.
- I lied so much.
I miss working at "The Thorn."
I miss you guys. I miss money.
And I know Gabe is a dick, but
I should have never quit.
And I have to
tell you the truth.
There is--
there's no job at "The Trib."
- So now I'm just a big fucking
dumb liar who sucks.
- Hey, everyone's
full of shit, okay?
It doesn't matter.
And if you want your job back,
just go ask for it.
Gabe didn't fire you, you quit.
- Yeah, but I fucked
everything up with Gabe,
and now he hates me,
and he won't even look at me.
- No, he doesn't. I've been
working with him a lot, okay?
When you quit, it spun him out.
- Really?
- Yeah.
He feels like
an old close-minded jerk.
And he might not admit it,
but he wants a redo
just as bad as you do.
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
Now, go eat some shit
and go get your job back.
I saw Gabe a minute ago
over by the lockers.
- Okay, you are such a angel
to me.
Such a true angel.
And you actually have a call.
- All right.
- It's from God.
- Okay. It's God?
- And He wants to thank you
for your service.
- Okay.
God, what's up, man?
Gabe?
Are we allowed in here?
Um...
I'm just--
I'm just gonna say it.
I want my job back,
and I'm sorry.
And I also should confess.
Currently I am drunk.
But I do still mean
all the words.
And-- and--
and if you have me back,
you can give me all
the shit assignments you want.
Anything you want,
and I will say thank you,
and I'll do it with a smile.
I just really, really, really
want people with real eyes
to read my work again
and not just penis bots.
Please.
- Okay, I like "please."
"Please" I like.
I like a long ple-e-ase.
- I should have never quit.
I should have come to talk
to you,
and I always thought
you were the coolest,
the most authentic,
smart, cool--
- I-I am.
- Yes.
You-- you totally are.
- If I was
to take you back, Annie,
you would have to experience
my res--
you'd have to respect
my experience,
because I have been doing this
for 20 years.
And you have been doing this
for 20 minutes.
- Yes, and maybe
you could be open
to the idea that I am talented
and I deserve respect as well.
Or-- or-- or not.
It's not a deal breaker.
I'll come back either that way
or the other way, with no--
- Annie, you need to learn
what the rules are before you--
before you just break 'em.
- That is-- that is so smart.
- I want to be your mentor.
But you won't let me.
- Yeah, but does that mean
I can come back?
- Yeah!
- Wow, yes.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I was so scared
you were gonna say no,
and I'm so happy.
I- I promise you,
I can really appreciate
what "The Thorn" is now.
Gabe?
Gabe?
Gabe?
- K hole.
Why won't...anybody help me?
- What?
Get me out of my body.
- Help you
get out of your body?
- I want
that fucking thing, man!
Come on!
Machines have taken over!
They atomized the Midwest!
The opioid epidemic
is happening!
All right, give me
this fucking thing!
- I believe in you!
- Machines will not control me!
Get it!
Get the fuckin' thing! Get it!
- My God.
- Give me the watch!
- Right there.
- Yeah!
Yes! We did it!
- Fuck society!
- That's right!
I did this for you guys!
I'm the one that--
- Ryan!
- Shit.
- Ryan!
I love you!
You're one of us now!
- I love you guys!
- I love you, too.
- My hair.
- No.
No. Okay, see?
Gabe, we're gonna get you home
nice and safe, okay?
And, yes,
Monday you're my boss,
but tonight you're my baby.
You know,
and babies get kissed.
See that?!
Here's a car that I called
for you, okay?
Hi. Tyler?
Okay, you actually--
This is Gabe.
And you're gonna have a baby
on board here, okay?
So you need to get him home,
okeydokey?
- Thank you, sir.
Um, okay, Gabe?
I'm gonna see you on Monday.
I love you.
Bye!
This is the best night
of my life!
I'm sorry.
I'm so disgusting.
Just, please, don't look at me.
- It's okay.
It's totally okay.
Shit.
I just broke your hair.
- It's fucking fake.
It's all fucking fake.
I'm so sorry you have
to see me like this.
I want to help.
- No, but you already helped me
so much tonight.
Thank you for coming with me,
'cause I was so scared.
I was so embarrassed,
and now you're pushing my puke
down the drain.
- I want to help.
- I'm so disgusting.
I'm sorry.
- Don't say that.
Don't say you're gross
and disgusting.
I don't care.
I'm sometimes gross.
We're allowed to be gross
with each other.
I'll be gross
with you always, Annie.
I love you.
- What?
- Yeah.
I love you.
I've known for a while now.
- I love you. too.
submitted in your application.
That troll piece was
fascinating.
So insightful.
- Thank you.
Yeah, I've really tried to
push myself this past month,
and, you know, this is the kind
of in-depth stuff
I could've never done
at "The Thorn."
- It is really impressive to me
that someone so young
has such
a clearly defined voice.
- I'm impressed
by everything about you.
I- I mean,
I would love to work for you.
And I'm kind of a workaholic.
Like, if I'm not busy, I'm sad.
- Well, you are
a great essayist.
But unfortunately, Annie,
I do not think
"The Bridgetown Tribune"
would be a good fit for you.
- I mean, a daily newspaper
is a totally different animal,
and we're looking
for a beat reporter
with a lot of experience.
But I would love to offer you
an internship.
Though I should mention
it's unpaid.
Fuck.
- Um, it's just that--
that sounds so nice.
I just-- I also need money.
- Well, typically, our interns
get another job to earn money.
- Okay, but this was me
getting a job for money.
Um, you know, I've been
submitting everywhere,
and I assumed that something
would lead to something,
but it's really led to nothing,
and it's been a--
it's been a bad month.
So could you please
just let me work here?
For money?
- I'm gonna say good-bye, okay?
- Yeah. Um--
- And thank you for coming in.
Thank you.
- That was-- that was bad.
- Make sure you
face the labels out.
- You don't work here anymore.
- Doesn't mean I can't, like,
hang out and help.
- Well, it kind of does,
actually.
And Dave doesn't want you
touching the shelves, so...
- I worked here
for five years, okay?
My blood
is all over these shelves.
- All right, cool.
- I think I can touch
whatever I want.
Fuckin' Dave.
- You have to find
somewhere else to be.
How about that?
Because you can't be here
anymore.
- Ryan, you don't work here
anymore.
- Which makes me the customer,
which means I'm always right.
- You have to leave.
- Mike was stacking
the cans wrong.
- I don't give a shit.
This is my business!
Now get out of here
before I call the cops...
or your mom.
See?
Make sure the labels
are facing out.
- I know. Yeah, they're--
I will-- they will.
- Mom?
Dad?
Hello?
- Holy shit.
- Okay, listen to this.
Maureen tells everybody
that her uncle
came up with the ideas
for Hooters
and that his name
is Fred Hooters.
- See, this is the kind of
scorching-hot gossip
that I can't believe I only get
it, like, every few weeks now.
- Yeah, but you're doing good,
though, right?
- Um, it's definitely
different
than I thought it would be.
But I'm-- I'm good.
I'm really good. I...
I just had an interview
at "The Bridgetown Tribune."
And it was great.
It was great,
and I think it's gonna happen.
- That's great.
- Yeah,
but who cares about that?
I want to hear
about the big promotion.
- Well,
it's mostly just taking care
of people's dumb shit.
Like, Andy came to my desk
four times today.
He wanted to go home
'cause his tooth fell out.
- What?
- Yeah.
I let him go.
I miss everybody, like, a lot
more than I thought I would.
- We miss you, too.
You know what?
You should come
to Ruthie's birthday party.
It's gonna be at
the Oaks Park skating rink.
Studio 54 theme.
- Wow.
"1970s dress code.
- Must have"...
- "Full bush."
- Full bush.
- Wow. Wow.
This is actually very much
my kind of party.
- Yeah?
You should come rub your
success in everyone's face.
Yeah, definitely.
Um, actually,
I'm gonna cover this,
because we're
actually celebrating
a very important promotion.
So I have $3 here,
and then I have this gift card,
and it does--
it says RadioShack, but it's
actually very good anywhere.
You can use it.
- You know what?
Actually, why don't you let me
get this?
I can expense this
'cause I am the boss now.
- Wow.
That's extremely fancy
and really nice.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
- I'll...
I can leave...
the tip.
- It's a origami duck.
Nice.
- Wait, you want us to believe
that the woman who called me
a prude bitch
for never being in an orgy
hasn't had sex in a month?
- Not a soul,
not even a soulless being.
I haven't even fucked a ghost.
- Okay, and we're using "ghost"
as, like, a code word
for masturbation, right?
I'm just trying to understand
how dire the situation is.
- Well, I haven't hooked up
with anyone in a month,
and I'm masturbating
tastefully and sparingly.
Oof.
- Okay, you're braiding
too tight.
Please don't take your sexual
repression out on my scalp.
- Okay, there's no repression.
I've just been hooking up
with people since I was 15.
It feels good to finally get
off the roller coaster.
- I got off
on a roller coaster once.
Tacky.
- I'm sorry.
I need help.
I'm so nervous
about this party,
and I've been jamming
on teen YouTube tutorials
for about two hours now,
and I'm concerned
that I'm starting to look
like the queen of the raccoons.
- Okay, just let me
do your hair
and don't try to do it
yourself.
- Good. I'm gonna get me
some more damn wine.
- Me too, please.
- I love when I get to be your
little gorgeous baby doll.
- And don't call
yourself that.
- Why?
- Annie, what do you think of
Fran's record-long dry spell?
- No, wrong. It's only
a dry spell if you're thirsty.
- I feel like it was very hard
with the Vic shit, you know?
Like, if she wants to take
a break, she should do that.
- Okay, yes, but I'm moving on
to the next stage of my life,
which means no more
emotionally destroying
all of the women
in the Pacific Northwest.
And, Annie, how do you feel
about adding
about 4 pounds more hair?
- Yes,
I very much want to look
like a horse in heat.
A gorgeous horse in heat.
Wow!
You didn't tell me
this was gonna be '70s themed.
- Yeah, I mean, why are you
dressed like that?
- 'Cause this is
the way I dress.
- Hey!
What the fucking shit is this?
- God.
Ruthie, I'm sorry.
Amadi told me about your party,
so I thought it was okay.
- I'm just--
I'm just fucking with you.
Scaring people makes me horny.
Wow, it's my birthday.
Did you bring me a gift?
- No, the invitation said
"no gifts."
Give me your earrings.
Well, these are actually
my mom's from college.
"Mom's from college."
A woman belongs in the home,
especially a mom.
- Wow.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
Yeah, actually, that could have
been so much worse.
But I think tonight
I'll be okay.
What's wrong with you?
- Hey, chill. Chill.
- A claw machine.
Cool!
- Yeah, those are
the distro guys.
They actually deliver
the papers.
They're really nice.
You should go claw with them
if you want.
- No.
I'm-- I'm here for you tonight.
- Aw.
I- I actually feel good.
Honestly, like, I feel fine.
And I see my buds. I'm good.
Yeah, go. Go claw it up.
- Okay.
All right.
- Ho!
Come on! Damn.
- Hey, Annie.
- There she is.
- Hi!
- Annie!
Okay, I have to ask you
a favor.
Can you please
guard the ladies' room
so I can have sex
with my husband, the boss,
in one of the stalls?
- Sorry, what is happening?
- Cindy's very into me
since the promotion, sex-wise.
I tried to tell her I don't
even have a wall in my office.
It's just, like,
a stack of books.
- Okay, whatever.
You're making more money,
and now I can get an SUV.
Annie, speaking of new
big things, "The Tribune"?
- Yeah.
Yeah, "The Tribune."
It's-- it's gonna be great.
- Well, Amadi was worried
that it was gonna be rough
for you after you left,
and I just said,
"Shut up, loser.
This is Annie, and she
is gonna make it happen."
- Yeah.
I'm gonna make it happen.
And I'm feeling good.
And I'm gonna have
a fucking great night.
Yes!
And you and Amadi are gonna
fucking run this stupid city.
Okay.
Wow, whoo!
You're like
the male Cruella de Vil.
- Okay.
- But don't be mad,
because your outfit...
incroyable!
- Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.
These are actually
my own clothes.
- Did you wear it to party
at Club 54?
- It's called Studio 54.
What did you think,
I was ten years old
going from Little League
to doing lines with Halston?
- Who's that?
Plus, your clothes
are all wrong.
They're all
from the fuckin' '90s.
Rollerblades didn't exist
in the '70s.
- Well, neither did we,
but, um, I don't know,
we just thought
it was, like, old and vintage.
- Like you.
- Um, what the fuck
is this music?
Is this, like,
a joke song or something?
- It's Captain & Tennille,
you pieces of shit.
- I-I got you a White Russian.
- Maureen, thank you.
Wow.
- Well, I actually kissed
a white Russian man in 2007.
I- I mean I assume
he was Russian
'cause he didn't say a word.
- Wow.
- It's-- yeah.
- That's cool.
You know, I might--
- So, you know, it's so fun,
just two gal pals in the city
talking sex.
- Yeah.
- But, you know...
You're my hero for quitting
like you did.
No one stands up
to Gabe like that,
and it meant a lot
to a bunch of us.
- Um, well, thank you.
Thanks for saying that.
That-- that means a lot.
- So what's been going on?
I got a job at "The Tribune."
I'm gonna cover
local politics...
I think, so...
- I knew you'd do
something amazing.
- Yeah.
- Hey, hey, did I ever tell you
about the time my brother
tried to wear a top hat
to high school?
It's long but worth it.
- I-I want to hear that,
but I just--
I finished my drink,
so I might get a freshie.
You know?
- Okay, cool.
You know, it was actually not
my brother-- it was me.
My brother wore a cowboy hat.
He looked hot.
Come on, I believe in you.
I'll knock you and throw
you down the fucking stairs
like my fuckin' dad did--
let's go!
You got this. You're
a modern-day Jesus Christ.
Now just bring us home.
- There's a Casio watch
right there!
- Where? What?
- Right by
the stuffed cell phone
and the big-eyed baby cat.
There's a fucking Casio watch!
- It's too stacked.
I don't think
I can get in there.
- Stop thinking that way!
Stop with the stinking thinking
and start
with the money thinking.
- Come on!
- All right?
Now go! Go!
- We love you!
- We love you!
You're awesome!
It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
- I suck!
- Hey!
You are not a loser!
- Do not!
- But you are acting like one!
- Yes!
Get your ass
back in the game, dude.
- So Andy's going
by DJ Pussyhound now?
That guy's
a nasty little freak.
Everybody, listen up.
This is an emergency.
There is an active shooter
in the skating rink right now.
That active shooter is me...
because I'm about to blow
your fucking minds off.
Thank you all so much
for being here.
I know that I may be turning 24
and I may look 16,
but my wish
is to be as wise and amazing
as the oldest person I know,
my gay grandpa, Gabe.
Fuck you, honey.
Kill yourself.
DJ, play my backing track?
Shit.
My perfect moment is ruined.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
- So what-- what are you up to?
I'm great, Angus.
- Cool, but, like, what--
what are you doing now?
- Fuck, man, I'm fucking good.
Tell everybody
I'm fucking great, man.
Fuck!
Fuck.
Hey, really enjoy that.
That's the last bag my dealer
sold me before she died.
Fuck.
- Fuck this whole night.
- Hey, Gabe.
Do you want us
to clear out of here
so you can take
your trademark tiny shit?
- Very funny.
Jesus, I love drugs.
- Pee-pee.
- Gabe.
- Hey, be careful, dude.
Dude, that's ketamine.
Yeah.
Think about how much coke
you would normally do
and do, like, a tenth of that.
- Please, honey.
I invented drugs.
Here we go.
My God.
Um, you are about to go
into a K hole.
- What's that?
- A K hole is the darkest place
in the world,
where you're fully paralyzed
because you've done
too much ketamine.
- No, the '80s was
the darkest place in the world.
This I can handle.
Take the dog
away from the Casio.
- Ryan.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
- Ryan.
- Shake it up.
Annie!
- Annie sauce!
- Ha ha ha.
You did not tell us
that you were with Annie.
- Yeah.
- What the hell?
I thought that you liked us?
- Both of you?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- I like you as friends, but...
Come on.
Please?
Maybe just the two of us
can talk?
- Yeah.
And I got you this.
So if you need to talk to me
at any point,
just give me a ring.
- Okay.
Okay, I just, um...
I'm kind of freaking the fuck
out right now.
I told everyone, like,
"I'm great," or whatever,
but that's fucking fake,
you know?
And my hair is so heavy
because it's fake,
and I-I drank a lot.
Like, I drank a lot of liquids.
Different liquids all mixed up,
and I'm just--
Like, do I seem okay?
Be honest, please.
Like, does the feelings
in my brain--
are they starting to also
come out to the outside of me?
- You're fine.
You're great.
- Are you sure?
- I promise.
- Yeah.
I feel great.
I feel actually
really fucking great.
Thanks.
I feel fucking great.
It's dog shit out there,
Andrew.
Really fucking bad, okay?
And I don't have anything
to show for it.
I'm sad, I'm mad, nobody
in the world will hire me.
Everyone's real fucking good
on their wheel shoes
showing off making me
look like a dumbass.
Hello, 911?
Yes, could you please kill me
and then bury my body
in the fucking dump?
Sucks.
- Dr. Martin Luther King
once said--
- My God. Shut up.
I don't need to talk
to you anymore,
'cause there's
my real fucking friend.
Amadi?
Annie.
- Can I have a real honesty
talk with you, please?
- Yeah, okay, I get it-- she's
drunk, and she's getting real.
Yeah. Yeah.
- I lied so much.
I miss working at "The Thorn."
I miss you guys. I miss money.
And I know Gabe is a dick, but
I should have never quit.
And I have to
tell you the truth.
There is--
there's no job at "The Trib."
- So now I'm just a big fucking
dumb liar who sucks.
- Hey, everyone's
full of shit, okay?
It doesn't matter.
And if you want your job back,
just go ask for it.
Gabe didn't fire you, you quit.
- Yeah, but I fucked
everything up with Gabe,
and now he hates me,
and he won't even look at me.
- No, he doesn't. I've been
working with him a lot, okay?
When you quit, it spun him out.
- Really?
- Yeah.
He feels like
an old close-minded jerk.
And he might not admit it,
but he wants a redo
just as bad as you do.
- You really think so?
- Yeah.
Now, go eat some shit
and go get your job back.
I saw Gabe a minute ago
over by the lockers.
- Okay, you are such a angel
to me.
Such a true angel.
And you actually have a call.
- All right.
- It's from God.
- Okay. It's God?
- And He wants to thank you
for your service.
- Okay.
God, what's up, man?
Gabe?
Are we allowed in here?
Um...
I'm just--
I'm just gonna say it.
I want my job back,
and I'm sorry.
And I also should confess.
Currently I am drunk.
But I do still mean
all the words.
And-- and--
and if you have me back,
you can give me all
the shit assignments you want.
Anything you want,
and I will say thank you,
and I'll do it with a smile.
I just really, really, really
want people with real eyes
to read my work again
and not just penis bots.
Please.
- Okay, I like "please."
"Please" I like.
I like a long ple-e-ase.
- I should have never quit.
I should have come to talk
to you,
and I always thought
you were the coolest,
the most authentic,
smart, cool--
- I-I am.
- Yes.
You-- you totally are.
- If I was
to take you back, Annie,
you would have to experience
my res--
you'd have to respect
my experience,
because I have been doing this
for 20 years.
And you have been doing this
for 20 minutes.
- Yes, and maybe
you could be open
to the idea that I am talented
and I deserve respect as well.
Or-- or-- or not.
It's not a deal breaker.
I'll come back either that way
or the other way, with no--
- Annie, you need to learn
what the rules are before you--
before you just break 'em.
- That is-- that is so smart.
- I want to be your mentor.
But you won't let me.
- Yeah, but does that mean
I can come back?
- Yeah!
- Wow, yes.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I was so scared
you were gonna say no,
and I'm so happy.
I- I promise you,
I can really appreciate
what "The Thorn" is now.
Gabe?
Gabe?
Gabe?
- K hole.
Why won't...anybody help me?
- What?
Get me out of my body.
- Help you
get out of your body?
- I want
that fucking thing, man!
Come on!
Machines have taken over!
They atomized the Midwest!
The opioid epidemic
is happening!
All right, give me
this fucking thing!
- I believe in you!
- Machines will not control me!
Get it!
Get the fuckin' thing! Get it!
- My God.
- Give me the watch!
- Right there.
- Yeah!
Yes! We did it!
- Fuck society!
- That's right!
I did this for you guys!
I'm the one that--
- Ryan!
- Shit.
- Ryan!
I love you!
You're one of us now!
- I love you guys!
- I love you, too.
- My hair.
- No.
No. Okay, see?
Gabe, we're gonna get you home
nice and safe, okay?
And, yes,
Monday you're my boss,
but tonight you're my baby.
You know,
and babies get kissed.
See that?!
Here's a car that I called
for you, okay?
Hi. Tyler?
Okay, you actually--
This is Gabe.
And you're gonna have a baby
on board here, okay?
So you need to get him home,
okeydokey?
- Thank you, sir.
Um, okay, Gabe?
I'm gonna see you on Monday.
I love you.
Bye!
This is the best night
of my life!
I'm sorry.
I'm so disgusting.
Just, please, don't look at me.
- It's okay.
It's totally okay.
Shit.
I just broke your hair.
- It's fucking fake.
It's all fucking fake.
I'm so sorry you have
to see me like this.
I want to help.
- No, but you already helped me
so much tonight.
Thank you for coming with me,
'cause I was so scared.
I was so embarrassed,
and now you're pushing my puke
down the drain.
- I want to help.
- I'm so disgusting.
I'm sorry.
- Don't say that.
Don't say you're gross
and disgusting.
I don't care.
I'm sometimes gross.
We're allowed to be gross
with each other.
I'll be gross
with you always, Annie.
I love you.
- What?
- Yeah.
I love you.
I've known for a while now.
- I love you. too.