Sabri Maranan (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - Sabri Maranan - full transcript
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What's the date?
I think I have to renew
my driver's license.
So, do it online.
I have to get my picture taken.
Why?
-Mine's so old,
I look different now.
I hate getting those photos,
I always looked surprised.
Or startled.
Or half asleep.
It looks like I have a lazy eye
and I don't understand why.
I do this stunning pose, I smile,
put lipstick, my hair's great,
my eyes are shiny,
as soon as I get the photo
I see a grumpy, bitter,
startled woman with a lazy eye.
Why?
Because you're not photogenic.
Excuse me?
I'm photogenic, you're not.
Seriously?
You're photogenic? -Yes.
-I'm not photogenic?
Reach under the seat,
there's a folder with papers.
Give me my driver's license,
you'll see what photogenic is.
No, I'm not photogenic.
You're hilarious.
Mr. Photogenic...
To this day when I go to the mall
I'm stopped by model scouters,
I'm not photogenic?
Sweetie,
you didn't take this to school?
-What is that?
Why did you ask me to make food
for Diaspora Day?
I forgot it when I left the house.
What is that?
My mom's spicy sauce.
Perfect, I'll give it to my mom.
No way,
we're not bringing anything to your mom.
Your mom's finally fond
of her daughter in law,
let alone likes, let alone adores
after years of blood, sweat
and tears to get to where I am
you want to ruin it
by bringing her food?
No way.
And not after you said
I'm not photogenic.
I'm sorry.
Is the sauce still good?
-Of course, I made it this morning.
It's in a sealed plastic container
and unlike a kid,
the heat of the car
merely enhances it.
Good Sabbath.
What's wrong with Kos,
Mikonos, Lesbos?
Hello.
-Good Sabbath.
Who's a lesbos, Sapir?
No one's a lesbos, Pinhas.
Good Sabbath.
Sapir, it's not politically correct,
this is the 21st century
and it's fine to be a lesbos.
Dad, you're a pervert.
It's not a perversion,
it's perfectly normative.
No, I meant to say, you digress.
We were talking about
the island of Lesbos in Greece.
I don't want to go to Greece
or Lesbos or Shmesbos.
Shmesbos isn't an island.
You're going on vacation again?
No, we're planning ahead.
I want to go to Warsaw.
-Warsaw?
Why there?
-Exactly.
It's very trendy.
Suddenly Warsaw is this exotic destination.
Kind of.
A peculiar language,
peculiar food,
but it's cheap.
You forgot peculiar people.
Fine, I have those here too.
A propos, where's Riki?
In the kitchen.
I'm going to say hello.
Go. -I am.
Has she been driving you crazy
since you left and went back
and left and went back?
A little, not too much.
You deserve it.
-I know, I made a mistake.
A big mistake.
And for mistakes you pay.
In Warsaw.
Yes, in Warsaw they paid big time.
Riki, good Sabbath.
-Hi, Sapir.
Where were you? I was worried.
We're here.
What...
why are you upset?
Do I look upset?
I'm not upset.
Okay.
It just doesn't make sense
that I have to make the same salad twice
because Miss Liora
doesn't want onions
or tomatoes.
Or cucumbers.
Since when?
-Last week. The smell.
Now I have to make it all again.
That woman is nuts.
What did I do to deserve this?
What crime did I commit
that I deserve such a punishment?
Poor Itamar.
"Poor Itamar?"
He brought that abomination
into my house.
I'm the poor thing
that never hurt anyone.
But that abomination
got Itamar out of your house.
What do you want from me?
I'm just saying
there's something good in every bad.
Did I tell you
that your clothes are too revealing
and that your hair's too big?
No.
Then don't annoy me, okay?
This is my kitchen,
I'll bitch and moan as much as I want.
The survey shows
that on Friday
most citizens of Israel say...
Good Sabbath.
Good Sabbath.
Grandpa, can we watch TV in the room?
-Yes, but don't make a mess,
Grandma will kill me.
Good Sabbath.
Thanks.
Where's Itamar?
-They're not here yet.
They're late, as usual.
What's with her?
I don't know,
but I'm letting her roam free,
it calms her down.
I bet when she gets home
she falls asleep right away.
Shut up,
I'm looking for the best lighting.
Why? -Why?
Because Shai said I'm not photogenic.
Am I not photogenic, Pinhas?
I don't know much about photogenetics.
I'm very photogenic,
everyone always said I am.
I'm photogenic!
Is she alright?
She keeps saying "photogenic."
Adam, get up,
there's great lighting here,
Adam, take my picture.
Wait, I'm going to the bathroom
to freshen up and I'm coming.
I'll be back in a second,
don't move.
This is a great spot.
Shai, why are you driving her crazy?
I saw pictures of her,
she looks fine.
In regular pictures, yes,
but not in official photos.
Here's her old license.
Look.
Oy vay, who's that?
-Shani. -What?
Why isn't she shaved?!
Shani had a beard?
No, that's a shadow, she...
she's not photogenic, that's all,
she's like an ISIS leader,
she was stopped
in every airport in the States
to be searched.
Who's in here? -Hey!
-You're here.
Why don't you knock?
Big deal.
"Big deal?"
What if I was on the toilet?
What if it was Pinhas?
-Shani, you're like my sister,
we're family, it's all good.
And Pinhas? -Him too.
You're totally messed up.
I know, if I were sane
would I return to this family?
Listen, I'm starving,
when's the queen of England coming?
-You're right,
that one is such a primadonna.
At least we got rid of the smell of carob
from Itamar's room.
True.
Classic,
Mom's not in the kitchen.
What's with dinner?
Are we going to eat tonight?
Itamar's not here yet.
Then let's nosh on some schnitzel.
I don't nosh before dinner,
it gives me heartburn.
Look what I brought.
Shani's spicy sauce?
-Yes.
Shani's spicy sauce
that adds zing to every dish?
And enhances them by 20%.
Shani's spicy sauce
made of natural ingredients,
no sugar, no salt, no oil,
yet spicy but not too spicy?
That burns gently when it goes in
and burns softly when it comes out?
-Yes, that one.
To the kitchen?
-To the kitchen.
Sapir,
next time knock
before you enter the bathroom.
Okay.
You're here?
Why didn't you knock, Riki?
Knock in my home?
Schnitzels I pound,
but knock on my bathroom door?
What if we were
in the middle of something?
Like what?
-Riki, you know what she means.
In the middle of pee pee or poo poo?
Okay, saying it like a child
doesn't make it any nicer.
The men are chatting in the living room
so I came to see where you are.
What were you talking about?
Is that a trick question?
I don't feel like playing, I'm starving.
When do we eat?
When her majesty gets here.
Oh, that's what we were talking about.
Wait, stop, stop... And...
Mom can't know.
-Or Shani.
Of course.
Good Sabbath.
Good Sabbath,
lovely Rosen family.
There's no one here.
Where is everyone?
Must be scattered in the rooms.
Scattered? Is this a castle?
It's a standard four room apartment.
Where would they scatter to?
You'd be surprised what one can do.
This is annoying,
I wasted an entrance.
You want to leave
and come in again, right?
I was worried,
when did you get here? -Just now.
Long ago, and the living room
was cold and empty,
I'm always a bit late
to make an entrance.
Good Sabbath, Riki.
-Good Sabbath.
Good Sabbath, Sapir.
-Good Sabbath.
Shani.
Good Sabbath, where is everyone?
Are we having schnitzel?
I'm starving.
I'm in the kitchen.
You'd think I don't feed him.
How are you, Liri?
Great. -Good.
How's it going in...
-The office?
Great. -Good.
So everything's fine.
-Everything's great. -Good. -Good.
Listen,
since Mom's been making me
this blanched chicken instead of schnitzel,
I've been waiting for this moment.
This spicy sauce is extraordinary.
It goes with everything.
And it's low fat.
It's delicious,
something I appreciate about food.
I'll pop into the kitchen
to see how the boys are getting along.
Riki is very sweet, right?
-Who?
Riki, she's sweet.
-Riki?
Of course.
-Sure...
She even kvetched a bit in the kitchen.
How nice. -Yes.
Mom. Mom.
What's going on here?
It's not what you think.
-Excellent,
don't complain afterwards.
Let's sit down.
I brought you samples of face cream.
Yay.
-That's sweet.
It's all the rage. Look.
-What?
Oh, so cute.
What's it called?
-So tiny.
T-hora...
T-hora.
It's in English, Shani.
-I see that,
I can't...
It has a great scent.
It's harvested by special technique
from sheep hemorrhoids,
they're ground up with capers
and it's turned into a cream.
What do they grind?
Capers?
No, no, not capers.
Before that,
I heard you say sheep,
sheep what?
Hemorrhoids.
-What?!
And you use it?
-Of course not,
I'm half vegetarian.
Speaking of,
shall we go eat?
The blessing.
Hold on,
we'll just scrub our hands
and be right there.
Get up, don't touch me.
Get in there.
Don't touch me.
She's nuts.
And you put it on?
Read what's in it first.
Don't come near me.
Blessed are You, God,
Who sanctifies the Sabbath.
Amen.
Bon appetit.
Liri,
I made your special salad,
no tomatoes, no cucumbers,
no coriander, no onion.
Just lettuce.
-Thank you, Riki,
you shouldn't have,
I'm not a picky eater.
Which lettuce?
-Excuse me?
Curly or regular?
-Regular.
That's okay...
Shai, the...
Regular lettuce is too crunchy for me,
curly lettuce is more mushy.
Mom, why is this lamp shade still here?
It just gets in the way.
Lay off my beautiful lamp shade.
Your mother is right,
it's back in style.
Great.
Pass it to me when you're done.
You want rice?
-What kind?
Curly...
White rice.
A spoonful.
-Like this? -Yes.
Thank you.
Adam, leave me some!
Your spicy sauce is delicious.
Shai, what's it doing here?
Spicy?
I deny, it's not me,
I don't know how it got here.
Are you nuts?
I told you not to bring it.
Riki, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
What is it? Give it here.
Maybe it'll add zing
to this boring rice.
Shani, thank you kindly
for the small gift from the Maghreb.
It's amazing.
Nah, it's just spicy sauce.
Oh please,
it does wonders for this banal food.
Thank you so much, Shani.
I have an idea.
-Oy vay.
How about next week
everyone will make a dish
for Friday night dinner?
Riki will have less work
and we'll have more of a selection.
How often can we eat
this pathetic schnitzel
and this nasty shleikele?
How about it, Riki?
No offense.
Why would I be offended?
It could be so nice
and more tasty.
Excuse me,
I just remembered,
I forgot to switch out
my winter to summer clothes,
I must do it now.
Riki.
I'll be in my bedroom
if anyone looks for me.
I'm going to see she's alright.
Was it something I said?
It's Shai's fault.
Me?
I told you not to bring it here.
I don't get you!
He showed us a photo
from your first license too.
Shai.
Excuse me,
I just got a phone call
from work,
I have to take this.
I'll go to the balcony.
I didn't hear a ring.
-It's her inner ring.
Excuse me.
It came out very spicy.
Shai, stop!
I never thought I'd say this
about another woman
except my mother,
bless her memory,
but that woman is horrible.
Riki, don't, calm down.
Please,
your mother was much more horrible.
Pinhas!
You're right.
You see?
Your mother has it in for me,
she doesn't like me.
No matter what I do for her.
Didn't you see what happened?
-I did,
she lashed out at me instead of Shani,
her favorite daughter in law.
And she brought the sauce.
We haven't had a dinner like that in years.
Shani, my hands burn.
Sweetie, calm down.
What's wrong, my love?
Adam...
-She put cream on her hands
made from sheep rectum.
What?
-Good luck with that kiss.
Is she here?
-No.
Listen,
I can't calm Mom down.
She's nuts.
-Liri or Riki?
Yes.
Go to your mom,
assume responsibility for the sauce thing
and let's go home mentally
and physically sound.
Go rinse your mouth.
Don't you think a different dish
from our diasporas
is an excellent idea?
That sauce wasn't bad at all.
And I'm sure that tall Kavkazi
makes tasty dishes too.
Is she Kavkazi or Georgian?
Does it matter?
-No.
Your turn will come too
and you, babe,
you can't make a thing.
Yes.
But I know how to order, very well,
including the digits
on the back of the card.
Mom.
It's my fault,
I was out of line.
It's not your fault,
don't take the blame,
she was out of line.
But Shani only made it.
Not her.
I couldn't care less
if her sauce burns you.
I'm talking about Itamar's Liora.
She's horrid.
I can't take it anymore.
Shai's been in there a long time,
you think he needs help?
She's nuts,
she's declaring war on my mother?
Doesn't she get the trouble she's causing?
You don't get
what cream she gave Sapir.
She gave it to you?
She tried to give it to me.
She put it on.
-No, no!
That's it, I'm leaving her.
Because of me?
-No, my mother.
No, hold on, not yet,
wait here.
Whose turn is it to go in?
Mommy?
Adam.
Mom.
Look what your siblings
have brought me to.
Mom, stop.
To the lowest of degradation.
They sent me the big guns.
Mommy.
Sending my angel in
would usually do the trick.
Mommy.
But this time it won't work.
We had this saying in Swidnica,
I'll translate it in a very crude way,
May she have sexual relations
and make a bed operable unnaturally.
Don't worry,
Adam always calms her down,
it'll be okay.
Did you wash your hands well?
You have to apologize to her.
-No, it's over.
Dad, leave him alone,
don't try to convince him.
And you owe me 100,
I said two months.
You bet that Liri and I
would split up? -Sure.
Why didn't you count me in?
Because of questions like that.
-What?
And like that.
-What?
I just suggested
that the daughters in law
bring their own dishes.
Don't tell me you like her food.
I don't, of course not.
Then why not?
Hold on a second,
you come for dinner
without eating at home first?
That's a beginner's mistake.
She and I are done.
I want to go, where is he?
Well,
she won't let go.
I have an idea.
You're new here,
I've been here for years,
I have some simple things
to explain to you.
Yes, that she's a wonderful woman
under all that shleikele.
No, not at all.
-What then?
On Fridays I come here
for 2.5 hours max
and in that time I can see it all.
But in 10-15 minutes
I'm going home
and it's all behind me.
Then why do you even come here?
Because of our intimacy, Shai's and mine.
People do a lot of things,
but I've never heard of that.
No, not anything kinky,
what's with you?
We come here
and if everything's nice
and Shai's mom is calm
then he's calm too
and everything's nice back at home.
Extra nice even.
I like the extra. -Yeah.
Mom. -Itamar.
That's it, I'm leaving her,
and not for you,
because of you.
No, because of her,
what she did to you
and the sick relationship you two have.
Sweet Itamar.
-You're my mother
and no one can replace you.
I'm going to the balcony
to tell her here and now.
Itamar.
I'll go home with her,
pack my stuff and come back home.
Itamar? -I'll pack my stuff
in two black bags, one orange,
and call Dad to pick me up.
Itamar.
-I know that at first
it will be rough
without the job at her office,
but hey, I've been in worse situations
and I overcame them.
Itamar.
-I'm glad you're on my side, Mom
and you're not trying to resist.
Itamar! -Mom.
You know what?
Maybe it's made of that stuff,
but surprisingly
my skin feels
lighter, as if it's breathing.
And rashy, babe.
You have a rash.
-I have a rash!
Let's go to the ER,
I don't know what that is.
I'll get the car.
But how will I go to Warsaw like this?
Don't worry, the Poles have seen Jews
in worse situations
and it didn't faze them.
-Pinhas.
Liri. -Riki.
I...
-Wait,
first I want to apologize,
I shouldn't have put you
in that situation.
Your food is as it should be,
but I'd like you to calm down
so our Itamarmalade can relax.
You are so wonderful.
Itamarzipan.
-Itamarshmallow.
I need half a bottle of Itamerlot
to deal with these word games.
Let's go home.
Two shot of Itamartini for me.
Itamedical marijuana for me.
Well, are you relaxed?
-I'm relaxed.
Relaxed relaxed?
Yes, honey.
I'm glad everything calmed down.
When my mom's calm, I'm calm.
Poor woman, it's not easy.
I'm sad for Riki.
What are you talking about?
No, nothing,
everything's chill.
Is something going on with my mom
that I don't know?
No, of course not...
Should I be stressed?
-On the contrary, relax, babe.
My mistake.
-What happened? -Nothing.
Babe, relax,
nothing happened.
You're stressing me out,
extra stressing me out.
No extra.
Just forget it,
the moment's passed.
Maybe I should switch out my clothes too.
That's it.
---
What's the date?
I think I have to renew
my driver's license.
So, do it online.
I have to get my picture taken.
Why?
-Mine's so old,
I look different now.
I hate getting those photos,
I always looked surprised.
Or startled.
Or half asleep.
It looks like I have a lazy eye
and I don't understand why.
I do this stunning pose, I smile,
put lipstick, my hair's great,
my eyes are shiny,
as soon as I get the photo
I see a grumpy, bitter,
startled woman with a lazy eye.
Why?
Because you're not photogenic.
Excuse me?
I'm photogenic, you're not.
Seriously?
You're photogenic? -Yes.
-I'm not photogenic?
Reach under the seat,
there's a folder with papers.
Give me my driver's license,
you'll see what photogenic is.
No, I'm not photogenic.
You're hilarious.
Mr. Photogenic...
To this day when I go to the mall
I'm stopped by model scouters,
I'm not photogenic?
Sweetie,
you didn't take this to school?
-What is that?
Why did you ask me to make food
for Diaspora Day?
I forgot it when I left the house.
What is that?
My mom's spicy sauce.
Perfect, I'll give it to my mom.
No way,
we're not bringing anything to your mom.
Your mom's finally fond
of her daughter in law,
let alone likes, let alone adores
after years of blood, sweat
and tears to get to where I am
you want to ruin it
by bringing her food?
No way.
And not after you said
I'm not photogenic.
I'm sorry.
Is the sauce still good?
-Of course, I made it this morning.
It's in a sealed plastic container
and unlike a kid,
the heat of the car
merely enhances it.
Good Sabbath.
What's wrong with Kos,
Mikonos, Lesbos?
Hello.
-Good Sabbath.
Who's a lesbos, Sapir?
No one's a lesbos, Pinhas.
Good Sabbath.
Sapir, it's not politically correct,
this is the 21st century
and it's fine to be a lesbos.
Dad, you're a pervert.
It's not a perversion,
it's perfectly normative.
No, I meant to say, you digress.
We were talking about
the island of Lesbos in Greece.
I don't want to go to Greece
or Lesbos or Shmesbos.
Shmesbos isn't an island.
You're going on vacation again?
No, we're planning ahead.
I want to go to Warsaw.
-Warsaw?
Why there?
-Exactly.
It's very trendy.
Suddenly Warsaw is this exotic destination.
Kind of.
A peculiar language,
peculiar food,
but it's cheap.
You forgot peculiar people.
Fine, I have those here too.
A propos, where's Riki?
In the kitchen.
I'm going to say hello.
Go. -I am.
Has she been driving you crazy
since you left and went back
and left and went back?
A little, not too much.
You deserve it.
-I know, I made a mistake.
A big mistake.
And for mistakes you pay.
In Warsaw.
Yes, in Warsaw they paid big time.
Riki, good Sabbath.
-Hi, Sapir.
Where were you? I was worried.
We're here.
What...
why are you upset?
Do I look upset?
I'm not upset.
Okay.
It just doesn't make sense
that I have to make the same salad twice
because Miss Liora
doesn't want onions
or tomatoes.
Or cucumbers.
Since when?
-Last week. The smell.
Now I have to make it all again.
That woman is nuts.
What did I do to deserve this?
What crime did I commit
that I deserve such a punishment?
Poor Itamar.
"Poor Itamar?"
He brought that abomination
into my house.
I'm the poor thing
that never hurt anyone.
But that abomination
got Itamar out of your house.
What do you want from me?
I'm just saying
there's something good in every bad.
Did I tell you
that your clothes are too revealing
and that your hair's too big?
No.
Then don't annoy me, okay?
This is my kitchen,
I'll bitch and moan as much as I want.
The survey shows
that on Friday
most citizens of Israel say...
Good Sabbath.
Good Sabbath.
Grandpa, can we watch TV in the room?
-Yes, but don't make a mess,
Grandma will kill me.
Good Sabbath.
Thanks.
Where's Itamar?
-They're not here yet.
They're late, as usual.
What's with her?
I don't know,
but I'm letting her roam free,
it calms her down.
I bet when she gets home
she falls asleep right away.
Shut up,
I'm looking for the best lighting.
Why? -Why?
Because Shai said I'm not photogenic.
Am I not photogenic, Pinhas?
I don't know much about photogenetics.
I'm very photogenic,
everyone always said I am.
I'm photogenic!
Is she alright?
She keeps saying "photogenic."
Adam, get up,
there's great lighting here,
Adam, take my picture.
Wait, I'm going to the bathroom
to freshen up and I'm coming.
I'll be back in a second,
don't move.
This is a great spot.
Shai, why are you driving her crazy?
I saw pictures of her,
she looks fine.
In regular pictures, yes,
but not in official photos.
Here's her old license.
Look.
Oy vay, who's that?
-Shani. -What?
Why isn't she shaved?!
Shani had a beard?
No, that's a shadow, she...
she's not photogenic, that's all,
she's like an ISIS leader,
she was stopped
in every airport in the States
to be searched.
Who's in here? -Hey!
-You're here.
Why don't you knock?
Big deal.
"Big deal?"
What if I was on the toilet?
What if it was Pinhas?
-Shani, you're like my sister,
we're family, it's all good.
And Pinhas? -Him too.
You're totally messed up.
I know, if I were sane
would I return to this family?
Listen, I'm starving,
when's the queen of England coming?
-You're right,
that one is such a primadonna.
At least we got rid of the smell of carob
from Itamar's room.
True.
Classic,
Mom's not in the kitchen.
What's with dinner?
Are we going to eat tonight?
Itamar's not here yet.
Then let's nosh on some schnitzel.
I don't nosh before dinner,
it gives me heartburn.
Look what I brought.
Shani's spicy sauce?
-Yes.
Shani's spicy sauce
that adds zing to every dish?
And enhances them by 20%.
Shani's spicy sauce
made of natural ingredients,
no sugar, no salt, no oil,
yet spicy but not too spicy?
That burns gently when it goes in
and burns softly when it comes out?
-Yes, that one.
To the kitchen?
-To the kitchen.
Sapir,
next time knock
before you enter the bathroom.
Okay.
You're here?
Why didn't you knock, Riki?
Knock in my home?
Schnitzels I pound,
but knock on my bathroom door?
What if we were
in the middle of something?
Like what?
-Riki, you know what she means.
In the middle of pee pee or poo poo?
Okay, saying it like a child
doesn't make it any nicer.
The men are chatting in the living room
so I came to see where you are.
What were you talking about?
Is that a trick question?
I don't feel like playing, I'm starving.
When do we eat?
When her majesty gets here.
Oh, that's what we were talking about.
Wait, stop, stop... And...
Mom can't know.
-Or Shani.
Of course.
Good Sabbath.
Good Sabbath,
lovely Rosen family.
There's no one here.
Where is everyone?
Must be scattered in the rooms.
Scattered? Is this a castle?
It's a standard four room apartment.
Where would they scatter to?
You'd be surprised what one can do.
This is annoying,
I wasted an entrance.
You want to leave
and come in again, right?
I was worried,
when did you get here? -Just now.
Long ago, and the living room
was cold and empty,
I'm always a bit late
to make an entrance.
Good Sabbath, Riki.
-Good Sabbath.
Good Sabbath, Sapir.
-Good Sabbath.
Shani.
Good Sabbath, where is everyone?
Are we having schnitzel?
I'm starving.
I'm in the kitchen.
You'd think I don't feed him.
How are you, Liri?
Great. -Good.
How's it going in...
-The office?
Great. -Good.
So everything's fine.
-Everything's great. -Good. -Good.
Listen,
since Mom's been making me
this blanched chicken instead of schnitzel,
I've been waiting for this moment.
This spicy sauce is extraordinary.
It goes with everything.
And it's low fat.
It's delicious,
something I appreciate about food.
I'll pop into the kitchen
to see how the boys are getting along.
Riki is very sweet, right?
-Who?
Riki, she's sweet.
-Riki?
Of course.
-Sure...
She even kvetched a bit in the kitchen.
How nice. -Yes.
Mom. Mom.
What's going on here?
It's not what you think.
-Excellent,
don't complain afterwards.
Let's sit down.
I brought you samples of face cream.
Yay.
-That's sweet.
It's all the rage. Look.
-What?
Oh, so cute.
What's it called?
-So tiny.
T-hora...
T-hora.
It's in English, Shani.
-I see that,
I can't...
It has a great scent.
It's harvested by special technique
from sheep hemorrhoids,
they're ground up with capers
and it's turned into a cream.
What do they grind?
Capers?
No, no, not capers.
Before that,
I heard you say sheep,
sheep what?
Hemorrhoids.
-What?!
And you use it?
-Of course not,
I'm half vegetarian.
Speaking of,
shall we go eat?
The blessing.
Hold on,
we'll just scrub our hands
and be right there.
Get up, don't touch me.
Get in there.
Don't touch me.
She's nuts.
And you put it on?
Read what's in it first.
Don't come near me.
Blessed are You, God,
Who sanctifies the Sabbath.
Amen.
Bon appetit.
Liri,
I made your special salad,
no tomatoes, no cucumbers,
no coriander, no onion.
Just lettuce.
-Thank you, Riki,
you shouldn't have,
I'm not a picky eater.
Which lettuce?
-Excuse me?
Curly or regular?
-Regular.
That's okay...
Shai, the...
Regular lettuce is too crunchy for me,
curly lettuce is more mushy.
Mom, why is this lamp shade still here?
It just gets in the way.
Lay off my beautiful lamp shade.
Your mother is right,
it's back in style.
Great.
Pass it to me when you're done.
You want rice?
-What kind?
Curly...
White rice.
A spoonful.
-Like this? -Yes.
Thank you.
Adam, leave me some!
Your spicy sauce is delicious.
Shai, what's it doing here?
Spicy?
I deny, it's not me,
I don't know how it got here.
Are you nuts?
I told you not to bring it.
Riki, I'm sorry, I didn't know.
What is it? Give it here.
Maybe it'll add zing
to this boring rice.
Shani, thank you kindly
for the small gift from the Maghreb.
It's amazing.
Nah, it's just spicy sauce.
Oh please,
it does wonders for this banal food.
Thank you so much, Shani.
I have an idea.
-Oy vay.
How about next week
everyone will make a dish
for Friday night dinner?
Riki will have less work
and we'll have more of a selection.
How often can we eat
this pathetic schnitzel
and this nasty shleikele?
How about it, Riki?
No offense.
Why would I be offended?
It could be so nice
and more tasty.
Excuse me,
I just remembered,
I forgot to switch out
my winter to summer clothes,
I must do it now.
Riki.
I'll be in my bedroom
if anyone looks for me.
I'm going to see she's alright.
Was it something I said?
It's Shai's fault.
Me?
I told you not to bring it here.
I don't get you!
He showed us a photo
from your first license too.
Shai.
Excuse me,
I just got a phone call
from work,
I have to take this.
I'll go to the balcony.
I didn't hear a ring.
-It's her inner ring.
Excuse me.
It came out very spicy.
Shai, stop!
I never thought I'd say this
about another woman
except my mother,
bless her memory,
but that woman is horrible.
Riki, don't, calm down.
Please,
your mother was much more horrible.
Pinhas!
You're right.
You see?
Your mother has it in for me,
she doesn't like me.
No matter what I do for her.
Didn't you see what happened?
-I did,
she lashed out at me instead of Shani,
her favorite daughter in law.
And she brought the sauce.
We haven't had a dinner like that in years.
Shani, my hands burn.
Sweetie, calm down.
What's wrong, my love?
Adam...
-She put cream on her hands
made from sheep rectum.
What?
-Good luck with that kiss.
Is she here?
-No.
Listen,
I can't calm Mom down.
She's nuts.
-Liri or Riki?
Yes.
Go to your mom,
assume responsibility for the sauce thing
and let's go home mentally
and physically sound.
Go rinse your mouth.
Don't you think a different dish
from our diasporas
is an excellent idea?
That sauce wasn't bad at all.
And I'm sure that tall Kavkazi
makes tasty dishes too.
Is she Kavkazi or Georgian?
Does it matter?
-No.
Your turn will come too
and you, babe,
you can't make a thing.
Yes.
But I know how to order, very well,
including the digits
on the back of the card.
Mom.
It's my fault,
I was out of line.
It's not your fault,
don't take the blame,
she was out of line.
But Shani only made it.
Not her.
I couldn't care less
if her sauce burns you.
I'm talking about Itamar's Liora.
She's horrid.
I can't take it anymore.
Shai's been in there a long time,
you think he needs help?
She's nuts,
she's declaring war on my mother?
Doesn't she get the trouble she's causing?
You don't get
what cream she gave Sapir.
She gave it to you?
She tried to give it to me.
She put it on.
-No, no!
That's it, I'm leaving her.
Because of me?
-No, my mother.
No, hold on, not yet,
wait here.
Whose turn is it to go in?
Mommy?
Adam.
Mom.
Look what your siblings
have brought me to.
Mom, stop.
To the lowest of degradation.
They sent me the big guns.
Mommy.
Sending my angel in
would usually do the trick.
Mommy.
But this time it won't work.
We had this saying in Swidnica,
I'll translate it in a very crude way,
May she have sexual relations
and make a bed operable unnaturally.
Don't worry,
Adam always calms her down,
it'll be okay.
Did you wash your hands well?
You have to apologize to her.
-No, it's over.
Dad, leave him alone,
don't try to convince him.
And you owe me 100,
I said two months.
You bet that Liri and I
would split up? -Sure.
Why didn't you count me in?
Because of questions like that.
-What?
And like that.
-What?
I just suggested
that the daughters in law
bring their own dishes.
Don't tell me you like her food.
I don't, of course not.
Then why not?
Hold on a second,
you come for dinner
without eating at home first?
That's a beginner's mistake.
She and I are done.
I want to go, where is he?
Well,
she won't let go.
I have an idea.
You're new here,
I've been here for years,
I have some simple things
to explain to you.
Yes, that she's a wonderful woman
under all that shleikele.
No, not at all.
-What then?
On Fridays I come here
for 2.5 hours max
and in that time I can see it all.
But in 10-15 minutes
I'm going home
and it's all behind me.
Then why do you even come here?
Because of our intimacy, Shai's and mine.
People do a lot of things,
but I've never heard of that.
No, not anything kinky,
what's with you?
We come here
and if everything's nice
and Shai's mom is calm
then he's calm too
and everything's nice back at home.
Extra nice even.
I like the extra. -Yeah.
Mom. -Itamar.
That's it, I'm leaving her,
and not for you,
because of you.
No, because of her,
what she did to you
and the sick relationship you two have.
Sweet Itamar.
-You're my mother
and no one can replace you.
I'm going to the balcony
to tell her here and now.
Itamar.
I'll go home with her,
pack my stuff and come back home.
Itamar? -I'll pack my stuff
in two black bags, one orange,
and call Dad to pick me up.
Itamar.
-I know that at first
it will be rough
without the job at her office,
but hey, I've been in worse situations
and I overcame them.
Itamar.
-I'm glad you're on my side, Mom
and you're not trying to resist.
Itamar! -Mom.
You know what?
Maybe it's made of that stuff,
but surprisingly
my skin feels
lighter, as if it's breathing.
And rashy, babe.
You have a rash.
-I have a rash!
Let's go to the ER,
I don't know what that is.
I'll get the car.
But how will I go to Warsaw like this?
Don't worry, the Poles have seen Jews
in worse situations
and it didn't faze them.
-Pinhas.
Liri. -Riki.
I...
-Wait,
first I want to apologize,
I shouldn't have put you
in that situation.
Your food is as it should be,
but I'd like you to calm down
so our Itamarmalade can relax.
You are so wonderful.
Itamarzipan.
-Itamarshmallow.
I need half a bottle of Itamerlot
to deal with these word games.
Let's go home.
Two shot of Itamartini for me.
Itamedical marijuana for me.
Well, are you relaxed?
-I'm relaxed.
Relaxed relaxed?
Yes, honey.
I'm glad everything calmed down.
When my mom's calm, I'm calm.
Poor woman, it's not easy.
I'm sad for Riki.
What are you talking about?
No, nothing,
everything's chill.
Is something going on with my mom
that I don't know?
No, of course not...
Should I be stressed?
-On the contrary, relax, babe.
My mistake.
-What happened? -Nothing.
Babe, relax,
nothing happened.
You're stressing me out,
extra stressing me out.
No extra.
Just forget it,
the moment's passed.
Maybe I should switch out my clothes too.
That's it.