Sabri Maranan (2011–…): Season 4, Episode 5 - The Baba Sali - full transcript

I'm not used to going to your folks
on Saturday night.

How could we know

he'd guess yesterday's games?

It's unbelievable
what's going on with your dad.

He's always involved

in these weird stories.

It's like he's a character
in a stupid TV show,

not a real person.
-Right.

Do you think he's...
the special one?

I don't think so.

I think he guesses.



When it all began
he said he's just guessing.

Excuse me, Ma'am,
may I ask you a question?

No need, we're in a hurry.

Just one question.

I said, no need.

You film
then everyone calls

and jinxes us.

Excuse me, Sir.

Let's go home.
-Just a second.

What channel is this?
-The Sports Channel,

7 Plus Live HD1,

may I ask one question?

It will only bring us grief.
-It's...

If it's only one question.
-Great.



Who do you think will win,
Italy or Spain?

Italy.

Even though they're shorthanded.
-You said one question.

Italy won,

shorthanded and all.
-Unbelievable.

Maybe it was just a good guess.

Right, but it happened again.

Everyone said you looked wonderful.

And bravo on the guess.

Isn't that the interviewer from yesterday?

They must be doing a segment for TV.

Did you come shopping with me

because you want to be on TV again?

I'm the only one who knew
what the score would be.

Excuse me, are you filming?

Hello, Sir.

It's you from yesterday.

You're filming.
-Not yet.

You're the only who guessed
the score between Italy and Spain.

I didn't guess, I knew.

Remind me.
-Italy won.

Sali, he means your name.

Silvan Hasson.

Roll it.
-You're filming now?

With us is Mr. Silvan Hasson,
the only one who guessed the score

between Italy and Spain.

No, I didn't guess,

I knew.

You knew. -I knew.

I sensed within me

the pain of the Jews
who were exiled from Spain in1492,

what they did to them during the Inquisition.

Then I can guess
who you think will win the game

between Germany and Holland.
-You can,

you can guess,
but you'll be wrong,

because I'm guessing...

I know, I know.

A tie.

With us again is Mr. Sali Hasson.

Mr. Hasson.

Scotland.

Sali is with us again today.
-Greece.

With us, Soothsayer Sali.

He guessed the scores
of all the games

and didn't get it wrong once.

It's amazing.

Maybe he does have super-powers

and we have to watch out.

Why?

Babe, I don't believe in mysticism,

but I don't want to open my mouth to Satan.

You just did, answer her.

You answer.
-She's your mother.

What's going on with you?

What?

I was about to answer
and she hung up.

Why is she calling on Saturday night?
Maybe I'm busy?

Maybe I'm resting?

What is it you people say?
You'll rest in...

Dad, it's Grandma.

Salt, water, garlic, onion...

What's she muttering there?
-Nothing, Mom,

she's giving a friend
a recipe for tomato dip.

Add a lot of spicy paprika

and hot peppers
and two liters oil.

I need you to come by me.
-Yes, Mom.

Your oil, garlic, onion didn't help.

Come in, handsome,

the soothsayer will answer any question.

The game is starting.

Baldie, going once.

Meni, what's all this noise?

It's driving your mom crazy.

Aline, Soothsayer Sali

is the spiritual equivalent
of a high-tech exit.

Wait. -What?
-Are you charging them?

Not yet,
I'm building the community.

Good Sabbath.
-It's "good week," the Sabbath's over.

I got mixed up. What's this?

Is the TV crew here
to do a report on the Soothsayer?

Not yet, the games haven't begun.

Ah. -Moshe.

Aaron was looking for you.
-He was?

What does he want?

I don't know,
I was in the kitchen

and Merav said in no uncertain terms

to get Moshe when he comes.

Okay.

Who are they?

Because of Dad's accurate guesses

they think he's a psychic

who gives blessings and things like that.

Where did that come from?

Maybe from Dad's Facebook post
that he's a psychic

and gives blessings
and things like that?

Are you taking advantage of it?

Meni, you'll jinx it.
-What?!

Mom.

You see?

The game's on.

Baldie, going twice.

Gentlemen, please,

keep it down.

Whoever goes in to the Soothsayer
asks only one question.

I don't want him to get tired
and get his answers wrong.

Now you, my man.

Handsome, come out.

Please, go in, my man.

I don't get what your problem is.

Meni is trying to turn Dad into a saint.

I knew this would be nothing but trouble.

Rachel, your husband is a saint.
-I don't want a saint,

I want my anonymous Sali,

MY Sali.

And now your Sali
is everyone's Soothsayer Sali.

I don't want a soothsayer.

What does it all mean?

That very soon

you'll be Lady Soothsayer of the mansion.

My man, what's your question?

What will be the score difference
between Colombia and Portugal?

More than three,

because the Portuguese exiled us too.

More than three?
-That's what he said.

And the game between Russia...
-One question.

Fine, I just hope
I can still send the forms in.

Next.

What's going on?
-What's with the rhetorical question?

You see there's chaos, just fit in.

Fine, I'm fitting in.

How crazy is that with Dad?

With Aaron.

Oh, Aaron too?
-Yes, he was looking for Moshe

to talk about something urgent.

He's panicking
and wants to call off the wedding?

Who said anything
about calling off a wedding?

No one said call off the wedding.

Did he say
he wants to call off the wedding?

Rachel, calm down.
He didn't say anything to me.

Me either.

Don't worry, Mom.

You can always go to your soothsayer

and ask him to make sure
the wedding's not called off.

No wedding will be called off.

No one will talk about it,

no one wants it.

I didn't say that,
it was Shani, right?

What's with the rhetorical questions?

You see there's chaos, fit in.

Hey, Meni.
-Hey, Shai, you're just in time,

the game is about to start,
all these guys have to go in,

they won't have time
to send the forms.

How much do you charge for a guess?

I don't yet,
I want them to form a dependency

so meanwhile it's free.

Free?

But they only have one question,
I'm no chump.

You should have consulted me,
what a chump.

Whereby we know one another
for many years and whereby...

Whereas. -Where...

Are you sure?

50%.

And whereas we shared a room
for many years...

What's with the intro?

If I don't help you,
who won't I help?

Aaron, you're my brother,

like a brother to me. -Yes.

And you're like his future wife.

Moshe, if you can't help,
be honest and say:

I can't help you.
-Aaron, I can, spill it.

We...
-We need a car for the wedding.

Oh, a car.

A bride/groom car.

But the car is from work,
there's no insurance for new drivers.

I'm not a new driver, Moshe.

Right.

Yes.

But...

we have a new fleet manager,
he hasn't adjusted yet.

Maybe you should ask Shai.

Can you ask Shai for me?

Okay, fine, I will.

Orna will kill me, but I'll ask.

Orna will kill you.
-I know.

The game's about to start,
we have to send in our forms.

Baldie.

Look at them,

they'll pay good money to see him.
-You think? -I know.

Okay,

guys, we've changed the concept

and to see the soothsayer
we're charging 40...

50. -50 shekels.

Shaiko. -Yes, Mom.

You live next to the lab of the HMO, right?

Yes, I live near the lab of the HMO.

I have Dad's sample here
that you have to take to the lab.

Come get it
and hand it in tomorrow morning.

He'll be here soon.

Brush your teeth
and turn off the TV.

Why, Riki?

It's not every day
I get to see a game like this.

Who is it today?
-Russia against Poland,

the East Europe derby.

What's the soothsayer's guess?

The Russians will win.

He's wrong.

The Poles will win alone and in the dark.

Go in, Baldie.

What?

If Russia wins
and Colombia too,

Silvan will surpass
Paul the Octopus

who predicted the results
of the World Cup in South Africa.

It's a world record.
-Wow.

And if Dad guesses the two games,

we'll have ten times the line
we had today.

It'll be an international achievement.

Shai, can I?
-What is it?

I have to ask you something.
-Ask.

Can we do this privately?

Go ahead.

Our washing machine is on the blink.
-Yes.

But the dryer
and dishwasher are fine.

The washing machine is German,
the dryer Turkish and the dishwasher Czech

and my wife, her mom and aunt

saw that there's a special,

two for the price of three
at "Electric Storeroom"

but only for "Dani Levi" club members.

What do I do?

Replace the three of them.

The washing machine,
dryer and dishwasher?

Your wife, her mother and aunt.

Good week to you, Sir.

Thank you, Sir.

He means a bride/groom car.

He knows. -So?

I was just reiterating, Moshe.

What's to reiterate, Aaron?

Okay, stop,

I got it,
it's not that complicated.

You need a car.
-Exactly. -Exactly.

And you're asking
if I can give you

my car.
-Exactly. -Exactly.

Are you serious?
-Yes. -Yes.

Okay, let's assume

that I will,

let's assume. -Yes.

Who will drive?
-Me.

But Moshe, you...

how can I say this
without offending you,

you're a shit driver.

Why are you saying that?

All the accidents I was in
weren't my fault.

That's the problem,
you don't assume responsibility.

Dude.

Once a grand piano crashed into you.

The piano wasn't tied to the car properly

and he didn't signal.

Another time a cement truck
unloaded its cement on you.

Not a whole truck, only half,

remember?
-Got it.

And the time you crashed into a fountain?

I thought it's a carwash, Shai.
-I see.

Well, that troubles me.

But it's getting better, right?

Besides that time with the tree.

Excuse me,
that was the city's fault,

who puts a tree there?

Will you?

I don't know,
I'm leaning towards yes.

Great. -But I have to ask
my senior director, Shani,

I must get her consent.

Of course, that's obvious.

Thank you for the good will
to even lean. -Sure,

it's not for granted.

You're wanted in the living room,
the TV crew is here.

Great.

Good evening.
-Good evening.

I'm glad everyone's here,

you said only the immediate family.

This is the immediate family.
-Alright.

In ten minutes we'll break in live

to the sports studio
of 7 Plus Live HD1

and then I'll interview
each of you separately.

You're closest to the soothsayer,
what are your thoughts?

When and where?

I'm not surprised,

but at the time I was smitten with shock.

Smitten with shock.
-Yes,

I'm telling you,
I thought it was a fluke.

At the end of these games
we'll know if Soothsayer Sali

defeated Paul the Octopus.
-We're out.

I didn't know that Paul
was really an octopus.

What could an octopus be
if not an octopus?

I thought it's an expression
for someone whose arms are everywhere,

you know.

Now I feel bad for the octopus.

You know, cruelty to animals.

You're so sensitive.

Shani, can I talk to you?
-Talk.

Let's do this privately.

Okay.

No!

What is it?
-Listen,

Moshe and Aaron asked me

if we can give them the car

so they have a bride/groom car.

Give it to them,
what's the problem?

Nothing, I mean,

I wanted to say yes right away

but I wanted to ask you first.

So you did and I say yes,
so give it to them.

Sure thing.
They're family,

who will we help if not family?

But to be honest,
I don't really trust Moshe.

He's not the best driver,

so chances are
if we give him the car

we won't get it back
in the same condition.

The car.

Maybe Moshe won't either,
but I'm focusing on the car.

I understand,

but do you want to help them?

I'm leaning towards wanting to.
-Okay, then give the car

on condition Aaron will drive.

That's a great idea,
I knew I should ask you.

Man.

But Aaron, you know,

they're brothers,
I don't know how he drives,

they have the same faulty genes.
-Yes.

In a good way.
-Of course,

only in a good way.

So take Aaron for a test drive
on the down low, okay?

Tell him you want to go somewhere,

and then decide if he drives well enough.

Whoa...

What's the score?
-It just started.

I'm getting a signal
there's been a score.

1:0 to Russia.
-Yes!

Sorry to interrupt a romantic moment.

You're not interrupting, Shai.

What about the car?

I haven't checked with Shani yet.

But regardless,

Aaron, can you come to my folks with me?

I have to get a little
well-wrapped something from them.

What do you need Aaron for?

Because I need him to...

drive,

I have a cramped calf muscle.

In the front of my foot.

Because you lost too much weight,

you want me to give you a massage?

What? No.

Thanks, I'm sure it will ease up soon.

Okay, then, let's go.

Maybe he was touched by sanctity,

it happens.

People can get this enlightenment

and everything changes.

In the end
I won't be able to see my father

without scheduling an appointment.

On the other hand,
maybe he's possessed.

Possessed?!

He doesn't have room to be possessed.

Drive slowly
because my calf muscle

tends to cramp up at high speeds.

"Turn left in 200 meters"
-Don't worry, Shai,

you're in safe hands.

Hey, a stop sign.

Where?
-Never mind, you passed it.

Bygones.

What's important about driving
is eyes ahead.

"Turn left"

There's no left here.

But "Waze" said there is.

So it said.

"Take the third exit on the roundabout"

I have a problem counting exits,

tell me when it's the third one.

Okay, but go slow.

"Take the third exit"

One.

Two. Slow.

Thr... You passed it.
Go around again.

"Take the third exit"

One. -No,
you counted this one already.

Start counting from the next one.
-Fine,

one. -Yes.

Two. -Two.

Three, exit now.
-Now? Now?

No, not now.

"Take the third exit"

How many exits so far?
-Forget it,

just take an exit, I'm dizzy.

As long as your calf muscle eased up,

that's what matters.

"Take the third exit"

At halftime we'll visit the Hassons

and Soothsayer Sali
will break a world record.

We're breaking in to you.

Yes, yes, he's right here.

Russia and Colombia are in the lead

and if this goes on,

Silvan, it will be a world record.

I never thought I could guess,

but maybe I can.

So you're optimistic, right?
-Of course.

Wait, it's not over till it's over.

A soccer game is 180 minutes.

90. -Yes,
but we have two games at a time,

90 and 90,
that's 180 with no extra time.

We didn't think of that, you're right.

Should I come with you?
-No,

wait in the car,
I'll be right back.

Okay, I'm here.

Is this the radio?

No.
-Oh, the a/c.

Alright.

What's this?

The cruise control.

Aaron, don't touch anything.
-I'm not.

Can I turn on the a/c?

It's not the a/c.

Where's the a/c?

Here's the a/c.
No, it's the blinker.

What's this?

A penalty to the Poles.

I knew it would happen!

The Poles always ruin something good.

The Polish forward kicks the ball

and he misses. -Yes!

Yes!

Unbelievable, Silvan is super-human.

Meanwhile he's just super-octopus.

Here's the sample,

keep it dry and cold.

Isn't...

Tell me,

as long as I'm here,
can I ask you something spontaneously?

You know I hate spontaneous.

Riki, he's here...

What do you need?

Merav and Moshe's brother are getting married

and they need a car for the wedding,

a bride/groom car.

I was thinking of giving them mine,

but then I won't have a car,

so I thought of taking yours.

Wow, that's a lot of thoughts.
-Yes,

is it okay by you?

Yes, but who will drive?
-Me.

But Shai, how can I say this
without offending you?

You're a shit driver.

Would it be nice if I call you

Lady Soothsayer?

No.

Okay.
-Three, two, one, action.

Okay, Rachel,
your thoughts on the scores?

What did Soothsayer Sali say?

Silvan says that Russia
and Colombia will win.

Then I say that Russia
and Colombia will lose.

They're both leading for now...

It doesn't matter
because I'm betting

that they'll both lose.

How surprising,
Rachel says they'll both lose.

The suspense is intense.

Cut.

God, what I do for a living.

Yeah, huh?

Tell me about it.

Aaron, how did the car get hit?

I was in the car,

the a/c was on,
the radio was on,

suddenly there was a bang in back,

I looked behind me,
didn't see anyone,

then there was a bang in front,

I looked in front of me,
didn't see anyone.

I backed up
to escape the guy that hit me

then the dumpster made a hill start,

the clutch lurched,
I heard this crunch

like a hard boiled egg in a sock,
you know what I mean?

Good thing you're back,

we almost started without you.
-What happened?

We went for a drive.
-How was it?

Fine.

We came back by cab.

We're okay,
the insurance will cover the damage,

Aaron will cover the deductible.

No way, Aaron is family,

the deductible is our wedding gift.

What?

What's the scores?

Dad's going to break the world record.

He's going to break the record
in three seconds,

the ref is holding the whistle.

What's this?

Look at this.

Both fields at the same time.

Goal!

It's a tie in both.
-Please, God,

save us.

God, save us.

And there's the whistle.

Dad.

I can't believe I lost to the octopus.

Damn calamari.

At least if it was kosher.

Rachel, the score is 1:1,

who will win,
Sweden or Morocco?

Morocco.

Unbelievable,

you guessed 12 scores in a row.

I surpassed Paul the Octopus?
-Yes. -Yay!

But you lost to Jiminy Cricket.

At least he's kosher.

Your mom was right in the end,

she's the only one who said
Russia and Colombia would lose.

My mom's just glad the madness is over.

Excuse me, what's that smell?

What smell?