Please Like Me (2013–2016): Season 1, Episode 2 - French Toast - full transcript

- Look, Mae, um, I'm gonna have to
drop you here for a bit. - What?
Oh, fine. - Yeah, it-it's just that rose
doesn't know about you yet, and i really don't think
this is the way for her to find out, okay?
- Yeah, it's okay. I understand.
- I-i know this is annoying. I'm really sorry.
- It's fine. - But, i won't take long.
I promise-- i promise. I just wanna make sure
that you're okay. - Yes, it's okay-- i get it.
- All right-- okay. - I don't know why you aren't
hearing me when i say, "it is okay."
You just keep hearing your own voice going on and on
- i-i just wanna make sure that you're okay.
- Come on, ma. You gotta get up.
Here we go-- up you get. Hey, let's go.
Carpe diem-- seize the day. It's time to get up.
Come on. Going to the psychiatrist!
- Joshua! - Here we go-- come on.
You know I'll do it-- come on. - Don't, don't.
- Get up-- come on. - Jesus fucking Christ, Joshua!
- Psychiatrist! - Won't be long.
- Mmm-hmm.
- I made you some, uh, "hey, you aren't
"in hospital anymore" celebration French toast.
That's very sweet of you.
- Oh, that's dad, i think, with some of my stuff.
Do you, um, do you wanna see him?
- No. - Okay.
Hi. - Hi.
There's more in the car. Is, uh, is your mum home?
- Yeah, of course. - Should i say hello?
- No, she's-she's asleep. - She's asleep?
- Yeah. - Josh, she shouldn't
be asleep. You need to get her up,
doing things. She'll just get more depressed
if she's asleep. - She's fine.
- What-what she needs is some kind of hobby.
Like, you know, crochet or something.
- Crochet? - Yeah.
- I don't think knitting is gonna make her less depressed.
- I know, but-but she needs to get out of the house.
She needs to exercise. What if she picked up
the local paper route? - What the hell
are you talking about? - Well, the-the local
paper route, deliver the paper. I think it's a good idea.
Then she'd be committed to getting up every day
and going for a walk. - That is a stupid idea.
- Plus, she'd make some extra money-- what do you mean?
What's wrong with that? - Dad, she's mentally ill.
She's not saving up for a game boy.
- Well, how about-how about some sort of team thing?
You know, like, where she can make friends and meet people,
and, you know, like, indoor cricket or something?
- Have you ever actually met mum?
She doesn't play indoor cricket.
- Well, it's just an idea, Josh.
There actually wasn't much stuff.
- Yeah. I told you, you didn't
need to go and pick it up. - I, um, i got some
coat hangers for you because it looked like
you didn't pack any. So...
- I think mum has coat hangers.
- All right, let's get this stuff to your room
and wake up your mother. - Oh, no.
Uh, i lied to you. She-she's-she's awake,
but she just said she was too tired to wanna see you.
Thanks for picking up my stuff. - Okay.
- Come on, John.
- Oh, god. - You okay?
- I'm fine. I hate coming here.
It's so humiliating. What if someone sees me?
- No one's gonna see you, ma. All right?
If they do see you, they're probably mental, too.
So, that's nice. You can-you can bond.
- Josh, i just don't need to be here.
- You-you don't need to go to the psychiatrist?
- No! - Well... you do.
- Oh, i made one mistake. - You just started crying
in an elevator. We need to go in.
Haven't they got this already? Who's your next of kin?
- You are. - No.
I can't be your next of kin. You're my next of kin.
I'm the child. - Oh, well, i can't very well
ask aunt Peggy, can i? - She's all right.
- She hasn't even called me since the thing.
- Wow! Dad?
Oh, my god! I'm your next of kin.
- Yes. - I'm responsible for you
in case of emergency. - Yes.
- That's not very encouraging for you now, is it?
- I'll be fine. - Rose.
Come with me, please.
Love you-- bye.
Hi. - Hi-- it's your dad.
- Hi. - How'd it go?
- She-she's still there. - What-- you didn't
go in with her? - To a psychiatrist
appointment? No-- no, i didn't.
- Well, should you have? - I don't think so.
- Oh, so-so, when will you be done?
- I don't know-- 'bout an hour. - Right-- okay.
Call me in an hour. - Okay, bye.
Hey-- what are you doing? - Hello.
I've been thinking a lot today.
- Yes. - And i really think i could
date a disabled person. - Oh, no.
- I really think i could. I'm pretty proud of myself.
- Tom, i think the fact you're proud of yourself
is a fairly strong indication you're not cut out for it, okay?
I think it's probably pretty offensive.
- No, I'm saying, i would. How is that offensive?
- You're saying it like you're a hero.
- Well, would you? - No, i-i-i don't think
i could, but-- no, i-i just think
I'm too selfish. - Surely,
that's more offensive. - No, i-i think
it's just honest. - Why is your honesty
not offensive and mine is? - Because you brought it up,
okay? - Geoffrey.
- Hey, babe. - Hi.
- Babe? - Tom thinks he could
date a disabled person. Do you think you could
date a disabled person? - My uncle's disabled,
and he's a dick, so-- - yeah, but what if
they weren't a dick? What if they were, like,
really charming? - Would you date
your disabled uncle if he was very charming?
- No-- what the fuck, tom? I wouldn't date my uncle.
What are you doing here? - Uh, my mum's at the doctor's,
so i thought I'd come and say "hi."
- What are you doing tonight? - Nothing-- never anything.
- Let's have dinner. - Okay, yeah.
Sure-- where do-where do you wanna go?
- I don't mind. - Vietnamese?
- No, i don't-don't eat weird shit.
- Of course-- um, cafe? Pizza-- we could get pizza
or something. - Yeah.
- Yeah, okay. - Okay.
- Josh, do you think that we should talk about
sex with men? - No, i don't-i don't
think we should. I don't like talking about it.
I don't like thinking about it. Nuh-uh-- no way.
- I just don't want you to think that you can't
talk to me about gay stuff.
I can talk about gay things. - Tom, i-i know i can
talk to you about gay things. The other day,
you accidentally referred to hairspray as "our movie."
- I'm just saying, i saw the way Geoffrey
looked at you right now, and i reckon--
- no, no. Tom, i don't wanna think--
stop-stop it. I don't-I'm scared, I'm scared.
- I've been doing some googling.
- Yeah, of course. I've been doing googling,
too, okay? And-and the more i learn,
the less i like. - I just wanna make sure that
you are emotionally prepared. - I'm emotionally prepared.
- Do you think that he is going to want to
put something in your bum?
- No, surely not tonight. I mean--
- niamh touched my bum in the bath once.
It hurt. - Oh, god.
I just-i just really think I'm gonna miss vaginas.
They just-they make so much sense, tom, you know?
So nifty. When are you gonna
break up with niamh? - I don't know.
Maybe i shouldn't. I know that I'll just
end up lonely and dating whoever again,
and she's all right. She's kind of like
the best whoever. - She's not the best whoever.
You could date any girl in this office,
and they would be better. Any-any of them.
- She has something i like. - Tom, she lit
your passport on fire. - She didn't want me to leave.
It was romantic. - Tom!
Okay.
- Hi. - Hi-- it's your dad.
W-what'd he say? - He-he said that
she-she can't be left alone. - Why?
- Uh, he-he thinks she might re-attempt.
- That-that doesn't sound like good news, Josh.
- No, no, it doesn't. - Why does he think that?
- I don't know. I was gonna go out tonight,
as well. - Oh, well, do you want me
to come over while you go out? - No, i don't-i don't think
spending time with you will help her.
- Okay, well, ask aunty peg. - No, that's-that's
a bad idea. I'll just, um,
I'll sort it out, okay? - Oh, I'm getting
another call-- i gotta go. - Who from?
- Geoffrey. It's not important.
- Well, put me on hold. - All right, fine.
Hey. - So, how are you
getting to dinner tonight? - Oh, god, Geoffrey, um,
i don't think i can do it tonight.
My mum's psychiatrist said that i have to stay home
and look after her. - Oh, okay-- that's a shame.
- Yeah-- a-apparently, she can't be alone,
and I'm all she's got. - For how long?
- I-i-i don't know. Maybe, like, a-a month or two.
- What-- i can't see you for a month or two?
- No, I'm sure-- i-i don't know.
- Okay, well, is this just, like, an elaborate way
of ditching me? - No, not at all-- i promise.
I just, um, okay. I-I'll try and fix it, okay?
- Okay, bye-- kisses.
- Hi. - I gotta go.
Okay.
- Hey. - Hello.
I have nothing to do. Normally, I'd come over
and see Josh, but now i have nothing to do.
- Oh, that's a bit depressing. - What are you doing tonight?
I'm literally so bored, I'll even play Nintendo.
- Tonight, Claire, i am breaking up with niamh.
Shut up-- I am!
I'm gonna do it. It's just hard, you know.
I know how much it's gonna hurt.
But, i can do it. I will do it, tonight.
- Oh. Well, i could always
come by after that. - Sometimes, i feel like
you and Josh disregard my feelings.
- Do you know where my orange cardigan is?
I can't find my orange cardigan.
- Haven't seen it. - I thought i left it
in the bathroom. - Just wear another one.
- No, i just-i only own blue jumpers.
I don't know why i only own blue jumpers.
Sometimes, i wanna wear blue pants.
It looks stupid if you wear blue jumpers with blue pants.
- Look at you. You're so flust--
you going out on a date? - No-- just going out
with friends. - Who with?
- Friends-- just new friends. - Well, what are their names?
- I don't know. - You don't know their names?
- Can't i just go out without telling you where I'm going?
- I guess. - Good.
- Oh, hello, John. Well, here i am.
Come to look after your mother. Like i don't have
better things to do. - Hi, aunty peg.
- You look nice. - Oh, thanks.
Ma, peg's here!
- Well, my girl.
You gonna say something or just stand there
like a zombie? - Hi.
- I'd love a cup of tea. - Okay.
- Josh, there's something I've been wanting to ask you.
- Okay. - And don't be immature
about it. How big are your testicles?
- What-- what the hell? - It's no big deal.
Just-just-just-just roughly, how big are they?
- Why do you wanna know this? - Why-why-why-why do you
always have to ask why? - Surely, that's a good thing.
Surely, it's good for me to ask why-- now, surely,
you'd be a bit perturbed if i wasn't asking you why.
- If you were going to compare them to fruit--
big grapes, kiwi fruit, a walnut?
- I-I'm not answering. - It's just that i had been
watching this documentary on klinefelter's disorder.
- Oh, no, no, you haven't. - Sometimes, it's known
as "x-x-y syndrome." You know how boys
have an x-y chromosome and girls have x-x.
- Yes-- yes, i know. - Boys with this disorder
have x-x-y. - I'm fairly confident i have
the right amount of chromosomes. - It's nothing to be
ashamed of-- it's quite common. And you do have
some of the symptoms. - Am i really doing
this badly at life, that you think i have
bonus chromosomes? Mum, does it feel like i have
bonus chromosomes to you? - You have a pear-shaped body,
which isn't really right for a boy, now, is it?
- It's-it's not that bad. - And man boobs,
a-and you're quite effeminate. But, the most obvious symptom
is that your testicles do not develop in puberty.
So, people who have this disorder have tiny,
tiny testicles. So, that's why i asked you
how big yours are, to check. - They're fine, okay?
I promise you. Please believe me that
they're fine, and just-- - how do you know?
What are you comparing them to?
I mean, how many testicles have you seen?
- Right-- okay, that's it. I'm out.
Ma, I'm taking your car. Here's the keys-- thanks.
Peg, you just be nice, okay?
- I am pretty hungry. - Oh.
- Prosciutto.
How old are you? - I'm 23.
- Oh, okay. I-I'm 20.
- Really? - Yeah.
- I thought you were older. - Yeah, that's-that's
because of my face. Yeah, I'm-- yeah.
I look like a 50-year-old baby, you know?
- No, i don't think so.
- That was just a... Just a joke.
Just a little joke. - Oh.
- What are you, um, what are you thinking about ordering?
- Uh, actually, i don't think I'm gonna eat.
- What? - Yeah, i had
a really big lunch. - Oh, okay.
Well, i guess-i guess i won't eat, either, then.
- You said before, you were hungry.
- Yes. Yes, i am hungry.
- So, eat something. - You're quite right.
Yes, i will-i will eat. - What-- is-is that weird?
Should i eat, too? - Uh, it's a--
yeah, it's a bit weird, but that's okay.
You know, if you're not hungry, that's fine.
- M-may-maybe i should eat. Should i eat?
- I-i don't know. That's a decision that you
have to make based on how your tummy is feeling.
- Okay. I won't eat.
- I'm gonna get some water. Do you want some-do you
want some water? - No.
- We need to talk. - 'Kay.
- It's just-- - yeah?
- It's just-- i don't know. I-i just don't like the way
you've been treating me lately. - What do you mean?
How have i been treating you? - Well, i feel like
you never listen. Like you don't care.
- I care. Niamh, i care.
- Well, you never stick up for me in front of your friends.
- I do stick up for you. - You-you tease me,
in front of them. Like yesterday.
- I wasn't teasing you. I was just saying that
people from Africa aren't African American.
They're African. - Right-- well, I'm-I'm just
sick of sitting at home, just watching you
play video games. I mean, you-you're 21.
You're not 15 anymore. You need to grow up.
You need to leave the house. - I do leave the house.
I left the house today. - Just--
hey, mum. Yep.
Yeah-no, I'm just with him now. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah-- no, i said that. Yeah, yeah.
Okay-okay, I've gotta go. Okay-- okay, bye.
Do you see what
I'm saying, tom? I mean, you say you love me,
but i-i just don't see it. I mean, you really
embarrass me. And, you know, i don't think
i wanna be with someone who makes me feel like that.
Would you? - No.
- What? - No, i-i wouldn't.
I won't do it again. I'm sorry.
- Okay, good. - I love you.
- I love you. All right, hang on.
I-I've just gotta call mum.
Hi. Yeah, yeah.
No, we spoke about it. Yeah, he's better-- mmm-hmm.
Yeah-- no, no, he was fine.
He-he understood. Yeah, well,
he knew i was right. - Hi-- you do eat stuff
like this, don't you? - Hey, um, mum, can i just
call you back in a second? Claire, w-what are you
doing here? - Oh, am i
interrupting the-- no.
Uh, it's just that I'm, you know, kind of in
the habit of popping over. I guess it's kind of weird,
now that Josh and i have broken up, though, right?
Just so alone.
- So, i got three waters. I know you said
you didn't want one, but the cups are so small,
and i-i was just worried th-that one wouldn't be enough,
so i got myself two. And then, i was worried
that if i brought two over, that you would think
i got you one. So, i got three,
even though you said you didn't want one.
- So, can I have one? - Yes.
Can't help but notice that you took the fullest one,
even though you said you didn't want any water.
- Um, I'm sorry-- you're right. I-i didn't want any.
You have it. - Geoffrey, i was joking.
You can-you can have as much water as you like.
Special treat. - Oh.
Ha! - Ah!
- Guys? Didn't expect you to be here.
Niamh. - I told you i was
hanging out with niamh and Claire tonight.
- Of course you did.
Claire, this is, um, Geoffrey.
I-i don't-i don't think you two have met.
- You're so pretty. - Yeah, incredible.
- Are you Josh's ex-girlfriend?
He's told me so many great things about you.
- What? No, i haven't.
- Oh. - Right-- well, this is fun.
We're just gonna go hang out in my bedroom.
- Good, good, 'cause I'm just gonna stay here
and watch Japanese manga with these two, so--
- uh, actually, Claire, it-it's anime.
Manga's the books.
- I've been wanting to do this all night.
- Oh, okay.
- Is everything okay? - Yeah-- no.
Sure-- i just-I'm just worried about the others lis-listening.
- What-what is this song? - It's from "Romeo and Juliet,
"the ballet." It's intense, yeah?
- I hope the poor little guy's okay.
- Just, uh, maybe we could turn the lights down.
Just-just a bit?
That's my orange cardigan! Been looking for that all day.
- I think I love you. - What?
- I love you. - Oh.
I-i love you, too.
I-ignore it.
- I can't. It might be my mum.
Oh.
- What? - It's just-there's nothing
like a call from your dad to make your erection go away.
- It's okay. I'll-I'll make it come back.
Shit, um--
- ignore it.
- It's just-i think i need to pee.
I just think i need to pee. Okay?
Shut up.
- Come sit down.
Are we-are we okay? Is this okay?
- Yes. - Do you not like me?
- No. No, it's nothing like that.
I just-i just-- i-I'm worried about--
i don't want to put anything in my bum.
- What? - I said, i-i don't want to
put anything in my-in my bum. - Oh... gosh, dude.
We-we don't have to put anything in your-in--
Oh, thank god.
Wait-- i just-i really need to get that-- I'm sorry.
What? - Mum's not
answering the phone. - Well, maybe she just
doesn't wanna talk to you. - No, i called the home phone.
She wouldn't know it was me. - She-she's fine-- i-I'm out.
Aunty peg's there. - Josh, i need you
to go and check on them. - No, I'm-I'm-I'm not.
No, I'm out. - Okay, I'll go.
- No, you can't go. - Why?
- You'll scare the shit out of her.
Okay, fine-- i-I'll go.
I'm really sorry. - It's okay-- I'll come.
Are you all right? - Yeah.
Just, you-you can't come into the house.
- Okay. Why?
- Just my aunty's there, and she's really homophobic,
and she's Christian, and I'm sorry.
- That's a shame. I really wanted to meet them.
- Sorry.
- Geoffrey? Geoffrey, do you think
my testicles are big enough? - Yeah... they're massive.