Please Like Me (2013–2016): Season 1, Episode 1 - Rhubarb and Custard - full transcript
Claire breaks up with Josh in the belief that he might be gay, which he himself may or may not yet believe. He has a chance to test Claire's theory when he is introduced to Tom's new friend, their new co-worker Geoffrey, who lets Josh know that he is gay himself and is interested. Regardless, Josh may not be ready to tell his friends and family, let alone the world, why Claire broke up with him beyond the more broad issue of them drifting apart. What is happening to Josh now is made all the more complicated by news from his dad that his mum has been admitted to the hospital, and that they have to decide what best to do about her post-release care. Meanwhile, Tom tells Josh that he is about to break up with Niamh, something he has said time and time before without ever having gone through with it.
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Why can't I ever just let myself properly
enjoy things? Why can't i ever just be
in the moment, you know? I know today is brilliant.
It's sunny. We're in the first world.
We just ordered a $19 sundae. You know, delicious,
but all i can think about is my rubbish face.
I'm obsessing. I mean, it's just,
I'm turning 21 soon, and this is as good as my face
is ever going to get. This is it.
It's all downhill from here. I was hoping puberty would
do a better job, but no. Puberty did a good job with you.
You used to be really awkward to look at.
Incredible-- clap. Don't you think
this is incredible? What an incredible sundae!
Isn't it just mind-blowing to think we actually
get to eat this? - Josh, i wanna
talk to you about something. - Oh... no.
No-- no, you don't. - I think we should break up.
- Oh. Oh, that's bad.
- I just-i kinda feel like we've drifted, you know?
- This isn't good at all. - Also, you're gay.
- What? N... no, i-no, I'm not.
- Josh, you're probably gay. - I'm not.
- I mean, we could still be friends, if you like.
Wouldn't really be that different, would it?
- This $19 sundae is suddenly pretty fuckingg humiliating.
- One-two one-two-three-four ooh
yeah I'll be fine yeah ooh
up yeah here up the good lord knows it
up the good lord knows it i left better behind
to be fine yeah take my mommah
turn another blind eye yeah yeah yeah yeah
i left better behind to be fine
- tom. - Hey.
- Workplace sexual harassment. Here we go.
Workplace sexual harassment. Oh-oh, yeah.
- You don't work here. This isn't workplace
sexual harassment-- it's just normal sexual harassment.
- What are you doing? - I'm on my break.
- Tom, are you googling giraffes again?
- Yeah. - Why are you always
googling giraffes? - I'm not always
googling giraffes. Just, last time you came in,
i was googling giraffes, and i happen to be
googling giraffes again today. - I just hate that you think
you have some sort of special affinity with giraffes.
- I don't! - I imagine it's because
you think that you kind of look like one,
but-but less graceful. - Giraffes aren't graceful.
- I think they are-- i think they're surprisingly graceful.
- No, they're not. Have you ever seen one
pick something off the floor? - I guess you would know,
with all your special research. - Claire said
she broke up with you. - Yeah, yeah-- yep-yep-yep.
Also, i cut myself shaving, and, uh, you won't
shut up about giraffes. So, that's three pieces
of bad news in one day. - I've decided i am
going to break up with niamh. - Why do you
do this to me, tom? We both know you're not
going to-- i don't know why you lie to me.
You get my little hopes up. - Whenever i try,
something gets in the way. - I don't think it does.
I think you just put things in the way
'cause you're scared of her. You're scared of
what she'll do. - Last time i was about to,
and her turtle died. - Of course, she owns
a fucking turtle. - Owned.
- Hi. - Josh, this is Geoffrey.
Geoffrey just started. - Think you might
be in my chair. - Oh, shit-- sorry.
- Uh... are you okay? - Yeah, sorry.
I didn't wanna-- no, i don't wanna put this on you, man.
It's niamh.
I have to get it. Sorry.
Hey, sweetheart. What?
They kicked you out? What did you do?
- My dad got arrested again. - Oh.
Oh, no. Sh-should i ask you what for,
or should we-should we not-- we should not mention it?
- Not mention it. - Okay.
- It does it sound pretty racist.
I just don't know
who to talk to.
- Tom keeps lollies in here. Do you like lollies?
That's kind of, honestly, it's the best
I've got to offer. Pop rocks?
- I love pop rocks. - Yeah?
- No, you can't. Josh just broke up with Claire.
He's all upset. He's a mess.
No. Fine.
Niamh's coming over for dinner. - What-- no.
Tom, you said you were gonna break up with her.
- They kicked her out of her poetry group.
- She got kicked out of a poetry group?
- She's upset. - Tom, no, that's no excuse.
You have to do this. You can do this-- come on.
- Okay, I'll break up with her tonight.
Are you eating my pop rocks? - No.
- Can i come to dinner?
- Do you know what i think about a lot?
- What? - The time when
you were telling me, when you were kids,
and you were naked in the backyard
at your friend's house, and your-his mum told you
that if you do that, then a magpie might mistake
your penis for a worm and eat it.
- You think about that a lot? - It just... i just think
it's a funny image. A tiny version of you
terrified that a magpie might swoop down
and eat your penis. Nobody--
- i had a pet magpie for a while.
- Hmm? - It used to come to
the back door every morning. We'd give him our leftovers.
- Did it ever try and eat your penis?
No.
Hey!
Hey, guys. - Hi, niamh.
This is Geoffrey. - Hey.
- Hi-- thanks.
- Josh, uh, tom told me about how
Claire broke up with you. - Yes.
- What happened? - Um, she said we drifted.
- Well, that's disappointing. You know, i really
liked Claire. - Really?
You never-- - how'd you let it drift?
- Well, i don't know, niamh. You see, that's the nature
of drifting, is that it happens slowly,
over time. And then, one day,
you order a $19 sundae, a-and it's finished.
- Right. - How did you get kicked
out of your poetry group? - You think this is funny,
don't you? - No.
- It's just, Claire's probably at home, crying,
and you're here, having a dinner party.
- Niamh, i don't think she's crying, okay?
She broke up with me. It was a surprise.
I didn't know. If I'd known,
maybe i would've planned a more mournful evening.
I'm-I'm sorry. - Well, isn't that
just charming? - Niamh, can you just--
- oh... I'm sorry, tom. Am i embarrassing you,
a-again? - Maybe we could sort this out
with indoor voices. - What the fuck?
I don't even know who the fuck you are.
- I'm-I'm Geoffrey-- tom's friend.
- I'm so nice to you guys, and you're all just such
fucking bitches to me. - Oh, god!
- Can we just take this into another room?
- Yeah.
- I just, uh, i just can't imagine that
they're having that much fun, you know?
So, what-what do you do?
- I'm-I'm studying, uh, bachelor of creative industries.
- Really? - Yeah.
- That's real interesting. - N-no.
- I'm gay. - Oh, cool.
- Yeah, i, um, i haven't told tom.
- Oh... why? Why's that?
- I just-i didn't want him thinking i was hitting on him.
- I don't think anybody thinks that anyone
is hitting on tom.
- Can i sleep over?
- We don't really have anywhere.
- If you've got a-a pretty big bed,
i could just crash there.
- Light.
- Is this okay? - Yeah, yeah.
Do you-do you taste blood? - What?
- Oh, there's a-a little mole on your lip that's bleeding.
- I-i cut myself shaving.
Well, what-what are we meant to do now?
- I don't know. - Do we just wait for me
to stop bleeding? - I might go to sleep.
We'll try again in the morning?
- Okay.
- Do you, uh, do you prefer big spoon or little spoon?
- I don't know.
Don't really get the big spoon, little spoon thing.
Su-surely, they'd be the same sized spoons.
Different sized spoons don't fit together like this.
- Received at 11:13 A.M. - Josh, it's your dad.
Don't worry, mate. Uh, mum's okay-- she's okay.
She's been moved to a ward. You awake?
Received at 10:15 A.M.
- Josh, uh, it's your dad. Um, oh, mate, where are ya?
Call me back.
- Received at nine A.M. - hey, Josh.
Uh, your dad called and he told me what happened.
I just-i hope that you're okay, and if you need anything,
please just let me know.
- Received at 8:40 A.M. - fuck, Josh-- fuck.
Mum-- fuck, fuck. Call me!
- Josh, Geoffrey's in your room.
He isn't wearing a shirt! - 8:09 A.M.
Josh? Lovey, i need some help.
- Tom, i think i need you to drive me to the hospital.
- What? - I-i need you to drive me
to the hospital. - Which hospital?
- I don't know-- just get in the car!
- What the hell happened last night?
You've never left this much time
between something happening and you telling me.
- My mum took quite a bit of panadol and drunk
half a bottle of baileys. - Baileys?
- Yeah. - How do you even drink
half a bottle of baileys? - I just don't know.
Guess what else? - You made out with Geoffrey?
- I can never really trust when someone that good-looking
is into me. Do you know what i mean?
I-i just don't get it. Like, i-if they're
mediocre-looking, i can sort of appreciate why
their standards are so low. When they're that pretty,
I'm just like, "ugh! "What are you hiding?"
You know? - Claire was quite
good-looking. - I really don't think
she was that good-looking when we got together.
Puberty did well with her. - Just so i know,
we're not talking about your mum because you're all,
like, emotionally stunted. Yeah?
- Yeah. - And we're just ignoring
the fact that Geoffrey's a man? - Yes.
When he kissed me, my lip started bleeding
because i cut myself shaving, and then i bled actual blood
into his actual mouth. - Ugh.
- It's the third worst thing that's ever happened to me
during sex. - You had actual sex?
- No-- my lip was bleeding. - Are you sure
you don't have feelings you wanna share with me
in some kind of talk? - Yeah.
- It can be good to share your feelings.
- Nope. No.
Nah.
Josh.
- Hi, dad. - Hey, Alan.
Just gonna go have a seat.
- You know what happened? - Yeah.
- That mum took a box of panadol?
- Yeah, you-you told me on the phone.
- And drank half a bottle of baileys.
- Yes, dad. I-i know what happened.
- Did you get a park okay? - Yes.
- I think mum tried to kill herself.
- You think? - But, why would
she wanna do that? - I-i don't know.
- It's probably my fault. - Look, it-it might be
I doubt it's your fault.
- Did-did you tell her that i have a girlfriend?
- You've been divorced for a while-- i don't think
it really matters. Uh, no, i-i-i didn't.
- Oh, um, when i couldn't get onto you,
i called Claire. - Oh, why?
- What? - Oh, it's nothing.
It's just, uh, we broke up yesterday.
It's fine. - Oh, sorry, mate.
I didn't know. - No, it's fine.
- Why'd she break up with you? - I-i don't know.
- She just wasn't happy with you?
- I guess not. - Oh.
Mum doesn't know I'm here. - Okay.
- Do you think she'd be uncomfortable
if she knew i was here? - Yep-- yes.
Yes, i do.
- Hi.
How's it going? - Hi, lovey.
How's Claire? - Oh, yeah.
She's all right.
Ugh.
Oh, I'm sorry, lovey.
- Hello.
Rose, is it? - Mmm-hmm.
- I just have a few questions. Are you still vomiting?
- Yeah, a little. - No headache at all?
- A headache? She took quite a bit of panadol.
- Mmm. - No headache?
- I've still got a little bit of a headache.
- If you get a headache in the next few weeks,
i really think we should be calling the customer
complaint line. - Sorry-- i just have to get
through these questions. Then, i can move on
to other patients. - Okay.
- Do you think you could step outside for a moment?
- What-- no. This is my mum.
- Okay. Well, can you just shush?
- Yeah, i can shush. - Perhaps you could pop out
and get your mum a turkish delight, Josh?
- All right.
- Hi. - Claire, hi.
Sorry about your mum.
- Oh-- oh, yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Well, um, are you okay?
- Yeah-- no-- yeah. Sure.
You dumped me yesterday-- yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay. I just - i just-- i thought
that meant that i-i wouldn't be seeing you so much.
Do you know what-- do you know what i mean?
But, i-i can see you. - Yeah, but, uh, we said that
we were gonna be friends. So, I'm just here,
trying to be friendly. That's all.
- Okay. I just-- i just-- i just
thought maybe that you were just, like, saying it--
that to sort of soften the blow.
- So, you're saying you don't wanna be friends?
- Yeah, i want-- i want to. I just-- there's another
thing, also, um, to that. I-i made out with a boy.
- I know. - Male boy.
- I know-- yeah. - Okay.
- I don't understand, though. Why would you do it on
the same day that we break up? - I didn't mean to-- i promise.
I honestly just-- he was just there.
Do you know what i mean? - There?
- Yeah, he was-- he was really very there.
- Is-is that what you think of me?
I was just there. - No-- come on.
You're being silly. No, ob-obviously you were there.
You know, that's good, that's helpful for you
to be there. It-it's completely
necessary, even. But, uh, you weren't just--
anyway, i-i don't know. - I feel like you didn't even
really enjoy having sex with me, honestly.
- Oh, come on-- no. - Well, did you?
- I guess. Y-yes.
- You guess? - I mean, yes.
- No, you didn't! - The answer is yes-yes
to the question. Mmm-mmm, sex with Claire.
You're so frustrating.
I don't know why you wouldn't just tell me.
My mum attempted
suicide today, so i have a pretty good excuse
to get out of this conversation, by the way.
I just want you to know that. - I understand rose
lives alone. In a situation like this,
we can't release the patient unless she has people around
to keep an eye on her. - Well, i-i can't move back
in with her, can i? We're divorced.
- I don't know your personal situation. But, no,
that doesn't sound ideal. - Does this mean that I'm gonna
have to move back in with her? - Well, no.
In a circumstance like this, we would advise that
she is transferred to a private facility.
- A mental home? - We don't call it that.
- But, like, that's what it is. - Well, we don't call it that.
- Aunty peg could move in with her.
- I-i don't think mum actually likes her.
- Oh, why did she have to be so stupid?
- I can't be her carer. I don't know how to do caring.
I don't even know how to care for myself.
I never floss.
Sorry this took so long. - Thanks, lovey.
So, what have you guys decided to do with me?
- Um, we haven't decided, but the doctor thinks we should
put you in a mental home. - What-- you think--
am i mental? - I-i don't know.
- So, what are the other options?
- Well, someone needs to live with you.
So, that could be me, i-i guess, or aunty peg.
- Uh, no-- no. Don't make me move back
in with her. I couldn't Bear it.
- Okay. - And you shouldn't have to
live with me, either, Josh. I-i shouldn't be your problem.
- Well, i mean, i-i-i haven't decided.
Uh, I'm not sure i can move out on tom.
- No, but, you see, you could do all the same
sorts of things at my place as you do at tom's.
It's okay. I'm cool with that.
- Mum, you don't have to-- i haven't decided.
I-I'll think about it. - But, you see, you could bring
Claire home to sleep over, if you want.
- What? - I'm cool, okay?
Like, you can have sex in the house, if you want.
- Oh, fuck, mum. - No, please don't swear, Josh.
- Also, uh, Claire and i broke up.
- What?
Who broke up with who? - She broke up with me.
- Oh, well, look, even if you want casual girls.
- Mum, i-I'm not having sex in the house.
- Well, I'm just saying you can, if you want.
- Well, i don't want to. I especially don't want
to with your permission. - No, i am just saying, okay?
- Well, don't. - Okay, i won't.
- What did i do with the parking ticket?
- Mae-- ha-ha-ha. How long have you been
in the car? - Your father told me
to wait here for a moment. That was six hours ago.
- What are you talking about? I-i left you the keys,
and i just brought you a drink. - Mmm, like a dog.
Josh, I'm sorry to hear
about your mother. - Oh, yeah-- thanks, Mae.
- Mae, have you got the parking ticket?
- No-- you took it. Your father thinks
it is his fault because of the divorce.
- Well, clearly, it is. - Oh, yes, of course it is.
If you break up with someone, where's the point for them
in living? They may as well end it.
I mean, they have experienced perfect love,
and they will never find happiness, again.
So, they may as well end it because you are so perfect.
- It's not like that. - Alan, i promise you--
no one is attempting suicide because a fat man like you
dumped them. - Yes, well--
- she has a mental disorder. - Yes, i understand that, Mae.
But, i do think that-- - dad, i think she's right.
I don't know if you've seen your face lately.
It's like a scrotum.
- Shaniqua, ain't nobody gonna mess with you.
- Hi, tom. - Hi.
- Hey, Shaniqua. - How's it going?
- Oh, yeah, big day. I have had a big day.
- Hi. - Oh, you're back.
- He never left. - Yeah, i wanted to help out.
So, i-i cleaned the house, and i made dinner.
- He made spaghetti. You love spaghetti.
- I really do love spaghetti! - Anyway, I'd best be off.
- Oh, you're not-- you're not gonna stay
and eat spaghetti? - No, i promised my dad
I'd visit him, so-- - oh, okay.
Thanks for all the stuff.
- Why doesn't niamh ever do that?
- What-- make you dinner and then, uh, not-not
make you talk to her while you eat it?
- Yeah. - You could just break up
with her and then go to a restaurant.
- Mmm. How's your mum?
- Oh, yeah. Tom, i just-- i just
really think i have to move back in with her.
- Wow! That is very nice of you.
- Yeah-- I'm a modern day hero. - Hero is a strong word.
- No-- I'm almost definitely gonna be young Australian
of the year for this. - More like young
duckface of the year. - Brilliant-- that's clever.
That's really good.
Shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
ah
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Why can't I ever just let myself properly
enjoy things? Why can't i ever just be
in the moment, you know? I know today is brilliant.
It's sunny. We're in the first world.
We just ordered a $19 sundae. You know, delicious,
but all i can think about is my rubbish face.
I'm obsessing. I mean, it's just,
I'm turning 21 soon, and this is as good as my face
is ever going to get. This is it.
It's all downhill from here. I was hoping puberty would
do a better job, but no. Puberty did a good job with you.
You used to be really awkward to look at.
Incredible-- clap. Don't you think
this is incredible? What an incredible sundae!
Isn't it just mind-blowing to think we actually
get to eat this? - Josh, i wanna
talk to you about something. - Oh... no.
No-- no, you don't. - I think we should break up.
- Oh. Oh, that's bad.
- I just-i kinda feel like we've drifted, you know?
- This isn't good at all. - Also, you're gay.
- What? N... no, i-no, I'm not.
- Josh, you're probably gay. - I'm not.
- I mean, we could still be friends, if you like.
Wouldn't really be that different, would it?
- This $19 sundae is suddenly pretty fuckingg humiliating.
- One-two one-two-three-four ooh
yeah I'll be fine yeah ooh
up yeah here up the good lord knows it
up the good lord knows it i left better behind
to be fine yeah take my mommah
turn another blind eye yeah yeah yeah yeah
i left better behind to be fine
- tom. - Hey.
- Workplace sexual harassment. Here we go.
Workplace sexual harassment. Oh-oh, yeah.
- You don't work here. This isn't workplace
sexual harassment-- it's just normal sexual harassment.
- What are you doing? - I'm on my break.
- Tom, are you googling giraffes again?
- Yeah. - Why are you always
googling giraffes? - I'm not always
googling giraffes. Just, last time you came in,
i was googling giraffes, and i happen to be
googling giraffes again today. - I just hate that you think
you have some sort of special affinity with giraffes.
- I don't! - I imagine it's because
you think that you kind of look like one,
but-but less graceful. - Giraffes aren't graceful.
- I think they are-- i think they're surprisingly graceful.
- No, they're not. Have you ever seen one
pick something off the floor? - I guess you would know,
with all your special research. - Claire said
she broke up with you. - Yeah, yeah-- yep-yep-yep.
Also, i cut myself shaving, and, uh, you won't
shut up about giraffes. So, that's three pieces
of bad news in one day. - I've decided i am
going to break up with niamh. - Why do you
do this to me, tom? We both know you're not
going to-- i don't know why you lie to me.
You get my little hopes up. - Whenever i try,
something gets in the way. - I don't think it does.
I think you just put things in the way
'cause you're scared of her. You're scared of
what she'll do. - Last time i was about to,
and her turtle died. - Of course, she owns
a fucking turtle. - Owned.
- Hi. - Josh, this is Geoffrey.
Geoffrey just started. - Think you might
be in my chair. - Oh, shit-- sorry.
- Uh... are you okay? - Yeah, sorry.
I didn't wanna-- no, i don't wanna put this on you, man.
It's niamh.
I have to get it. Sorry.
Hey, sweetheart. What?
They kicked you out? What did you do?
- My dad got arrested again. - Oh.
Oh, no. Sh-should i ask you what for,
or should we-should we not-- we should not mention it?
- Not mention it. - Okay.
- It does it sound pretty racist.
I just don't know
who to talk to.
- Tom keeps lollies in here. Do you like lollies?
That's kind of, honestly, it's the best
I've got to offer. Pop rocks?
- I love pop rocks. - Yeah?
- No, you can't. Josh just broke up with Claire.
He's all upset. He's a mess.
No. Fine.
Niamh's coming over for dinner. - What-- no.
Tom, you said you were gonna break up with her.
- They kicked her out of her poetry group.
- She got kicked out of a poetry group?
- She's upset. - Tom, no, that's no excuse.
You have to do this. You can do this-- come on.
- Okay, I'll break up with her tonight.
Are you eating my pop rocks? - No.
- Can i come to dinner?
- Do you know what i think about a lot?
- What? - The time when
you were telling me, when you were kids,
and you were naked in the backyard
at your friend's house, and your-his mum told you
that if you do that, then a magpie might mistake
your penis for a worm and eat it.
- You think about that a lot? - It just... i just think
it's a funny image. A tiny version of you
terrified that a magpie might swoop down
and eat your penis. Nobody--
- i had a pet magpie for a while.
- Hmm? - It used to come to
the back door every morning. We'd give him our leftovers.
- Did it ever try and eat your penis?
No.
Hey!
Hey, guys. - Hi, niamh.
This is Geoffrey. - Hey.
- Hi-- thanks.
- Josh, uh, tom told me about how
Claire broke up with you. - Yes.
- What happened? - Um, she said we drifted.
- Well, that's disappointing. You know, i really
liked Claire. - Really?
You never-- - how'd you let it drift?
- Well, i don't know, niamh. You see, that's the nature
of drifting, is that it happens slowly,
over time. And then, one day,
you order a $19 sundae, a-and it's finished.
- Right. - How did you get kicked
out of your poetry group? - You think this is funny,
don't you? - No.
- It's just, Claire's probably at home, crying,
and you're here, having a dinner party.
- Niamh, i don't think she's crying, okay?
She broke up with me. It was a surprise.
I didn't know. If I'd known,
maybe i would've planned a more mournful evening.
I'm-I'm sorry. - Well, isn't that
just charming? - Niamh, can you just--
- oh... I'm sorry, tom. Am i embarrassing you,
a-again? - Maybe we could sort this out
with indoor voices. - What the fuck?
I don't even know who the fuck you are.
- I'm-I'm Geoffrey-- tom's friend.
- I'm so nice to you guys, and you're all just such
fucking bitches to me. - Oh, god!
- Can we just take this into another room?
- Yeah.
- I just, uh, i just can't imagine that
they're having that much fun, you know?
So, what-what do you do?
- I'm-I'm studying, uh, bachelor of creative industries.
- Really? - Yeah.
- That's real interesting. - N-no.
- I'm gay. - Oh, cool.
- Yeah, i, um, i haven't told tom.
- Oh... why? Why's that?
- I just-i didn't want him thinking i was hitting on him.
- I don't think anybody thinks that anyone
is hitting on tom.
- Can i sleep over?
- We don't really have anywhere.
- If you've got a-a pretty big bed,
i could just crash there.
- Light.
- Is this okay? - Yeah, yeah.
Do you-do you taste blood? - What?
- Oh, there's a-a little mole on your lip that's bleeding.
- I-i cut myself shaving.
Well, what-what are we meant to do now?
- I don't know. - Do we just wait for me
to stop bleeding? - I might go to sleep.
We'll try again in the morning?
- Okay.
- Do you, uh, do you prefer big spoon or little spoon?
- I don't know.
Don't really get the big spoon, little spoon thing.
Su-surely, they'd be the same sized spoons.
Different sized spoons don't fit together like this.
- Received at 11:13 A.M. - Josh, it's your dad.
Don't worry, mate. Uh, mum's okay-- she's okay.
She's been moved to a ward. You awake?
Received at 10:15 A.M.
- Josh, uh, it's your dad. Um, oh, mate, where are ya?
Call me back.
- Received at nine A.M. - hey, Josh.
Uh, your dad called and he told me what happened.
I just-i hope that you're okay, and if you need anything,
please just let me know.
- Received at 8:40 A.M. - fuck, Josh-- fuck.
Mum-- fuck, fuck. Call me!
- Josh, Geoffrey's in your room.
He isn't wearing a shirt! - 8:09 A.M.
Josh? Lovey, i need some help.
- Tom, i think i need you to drive me to the hospital.
- What? - I-i need you to drive me
to the hospital. - Which hospital?
- I don't know-- just get in the car!
- What the hell happened last night?
You've never left this much time
between something happening and you telling me.
- My mum took quite a bit of panadol and drunk
half a bottle of baileys. - Baileys?
- Yeah. - How do you even drink
half a bottle of baileys? - I just don't know.
Guess what else? - You made out with Geoffrey?
- I can never really trust when someone that good-looking
is into me. Do you know what i mean?
I-i just don't get it. Like, i-if they're
mediocre-looking, i can sort of appreciate why
their standards are so low. When they're that pretty,
I'm just like, "ugh! "What are you hiding?"
You know? - Claire was quite
good-looking. - I really don't think
she was that good-looking when we got together.
Puberty did well with her. - Just so i know,
we're not talking about your mum because you're all,
like, emotionally stunted. Yeah?
- Yeah. - And we're just ignoring
the fact that Geoffrey's a man? - Yes.
When he kissed me, my lip started bleeding
because i cut myself shaving, and then i bled actual blood
into his actual mouth. - Ugh.
- It's the third worst thing that's ever happened to me
during sex. - You had actual sex?
- No-- my lip was bleeding. - Are you sure
you don't have feelings you wanna share with me
in some kind of talk? - Yeah.
- It can be good to share your feelings.
- Nope. No.
Nah.
Josh.
- Hi, dad. - Hey, Alan.
Just gonna go have a seat.
- You know what happened? - Yeah.
- That mum took a box of panadol?
- Yeah, you-you told me on the phone.
- And drank half a bottle of baileys.
- Yes, dad. I-i know what happened.
- Did you get a park okay? - Yes.
- I think mum tried to kill herself.
- You think? - But, why would
she wanna do that? - I-i don't know.
- It's probably my fault. - Look, it-it might be
I doubt it's your fault.
- Did-did you tell her that i have a girlfriend?
- You've been divorced for a while-- i don't think
it really matters. Uh, no, i-i-i didn't.
- Oh, um, when i couldn't get onto you,
i called Claire. - Oh, why?
- What? - Oh, it's nothing.
It's just, uh, we broke up yesterday.
It's fine. - Oh, sorry, mate.
I didn't know. - No, it's fine.
- Why'd she break up with you? - I-i don't know.
- She just wasn't happy with you?
- I guess not. - Oh.
Mum doesn't know I'm here. - Okay.
- Do you think she'd be uncomfortable
if she knew i was here? - Yep-- yes.
Yes, i do.
- Hi.
How's it going? - Hi, lovey.
How's Claire? - Oh, yeah.
She's all right.
Ugh.
Oh, I'm sorry, lovey.
- Hello.
Rose, is it? - Mmm-hmm.
- I just have a few questions. Are you still vomiting?
- Yeah, a little. - No headache at all?
- A headache? She took quite a bit of panadol.
- Mmm. - No headache?
- I've still got a little bit of a headache.
- If you get a headache in the next few weeks,
i really think we should be calling the customer
complaint line. - Sorry-- i just have to get
through these questions. Then, i can move on
to other patients. - Okay.
- Do you think you could step outside for a moment?
- What-- no. This is my mum.
- Okay. Well, can you just shush?
- Yeah, i can shush. - Perhaps you could pop out
and get your mum a turkish delight, Josh?
- All right.
- Hi. - Claire, hi.
Sorry about your mum.
- Oh-- oh, yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Well, um, are you okay?
- Yeah-- no-- yeah. Sure.
You dumped me yesterday-- yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay. I just - i just-- i thought
that meant that i-i wouldn't be seeing you so much.
Do you know what-- do you know what i mean?
But, i-i can see you. - Yeah, but, uh, we said that
we were gonna be friends. So, I'm just here,
trying to be friendly. That's all.
- Okay. I just-- i just-- i just
thought maybe that you were just, like, saying it--
that to sort of soften the blow.
- So, you're saying you don't wanna be friends?
- Yeah, i want-- i want to. I just-- there's another
thing, also, um, to that. I-i made out with a boy.
- I know. - Male boy.
- I know-- yeah. - Okay.
- I don't understand, though. Why would you do it on
the same day that we break up? - I didn't mean to-- i promise.
I honestly just-- he was just there.
Do you know what i mean? - There?
- Yeah, he was-- he was really very there.
- Is-is that what you think of me?
I was just there. - No-- come on.
You're being silly. No, ob-obviously you were there.
You know, that's good, that's helpful for you
to be there. It-it's completely
necessary, even. But, uh, you weren't just--
anyway, i-i don't know. - I feel like you didn't even
really enjoy having sex with me, honestly.
- Oh, come on-- no. - Well, did you?
- I guess. Y-yes.
- You guess? - I mean, yes.
- No, you didn't! - The answer is yes-yes
to the question. Mmm-mmm, sex with Claire.
You're so frustrating.
I don't know why you wouldn't just tell me.
My mum attempted
suicide today, so i have a pretty good excuse
to get out of this conversation, by the way.
I just want you to know that. - I understand rose
lives alone. In a situation like this,
we can't release the patient unless she has people around
to keep an eye on her. - Well, i-i can't move back
in with her, can i? We're divorced.
- I don't know your personal situation. But, no,
that doesn't sound ideal. - Does this mean that I'm gonna
have to move back in with her? - Well, no.
In a circumstance like this, we would advise that
she is transferred to a private facility.
- A mental home? - We don't call it that.
- But, like, that's what it is. - Well, we don't call it that.
- Aunty peg could move in with her.
- I-i don't think mum actually likes her.
- Oh, why did she have to be so stupid?
- I can't be her carer. I don't know how to do caring.
I don't even know how to care for myself.
I never floss.
Sorry this took so long. - Thanks, lovey.
So, what have you guys decided to do with me?
- Um, we haven't decided, but the doctor thinks we should
put you in a mental home. - What-- you think--
am i mental? - I-i don't know.
- So, what are the other options?
- Well, someone needs to live with you.
So, that could be me, i-i guess, or aunty peg.
- Uh, no-- no. Don't make me move back
in with her. I couldn't Bear it.
- Okay. - And you shouldn't have to
live with me, either, Josh. I-i shouldn't be your problem.
- Well, i mean, i-i-i haven't decided.
Uh, I'm not sure i can move out on tom.
- No, but, you see, you could do all the same
sorts of things at my place as you do at tom's.
It's okay. I'm cool with that.
- Mum, you don't have to-- i haven't decided.
I-I'll think about it. - But, you see, you could bring
Claire home to sleep over, if you want.
- What? - I'm cool, okay?
Like, you can have sex in the house, if you want.
- Oh, fuck, mum. - No, please don't swear, Josh.
- Also, uh, Claire and i broke up.
- What?
Who broke up with who? - She broke up with me.
- Oh, well, look, even if you want casual girls.
- Mum, i-I'm not having sex in the house.
- Well, I'm just saying you can, if you want.
- Well, i don't want to. I especially don't want
to with your permission. - No, i am just saying, okay?
- Well, don't. - Okay, i won't.
- What did i do with the parking ticket?
- Mae-- ha-ha-ha. How long have you been
in the car? - Your father told me
to wait here for a moment. That was six hours ago.
- What are you talking about? I-i left you the keys,
and i just brought you a drink. - Mmm, like a dog.
Josh, I'm sorry to hear
about your mother. - Oh, yeah-- thanks, Mae.
- Mae, have you got the parking ticket?
- No-- you took it. Your father thinks
it is his fault because of the divorce.
- Well, clearly, it is. - Oh, yes, of course it is.
If you break up with someone, where's the point for them
in living? They may as well end it.
I mean, they have experienced perfect love,
and they will never find happiness, again.
So, they may as well end it because you are so perfect.
- It's not like that. - Alan, i promise you--
no one is attempting suicide because a fat man like you
dumped them. - Yes, well--
- she has a mental disorder. - Yes, i understand that, Mae.
But, i do think that-- - dad, i think she's right.
I don't know if you've seen your face lately.
It's like a scrotum.
- Shaniqua, ain't nobody gonna mess with you.
- Hi, tom. - Hi.
- Hey, Shaniqua. - How's it going?
- Oh, yeah, big day. I have had a big day.
- Hi. - Oh, you're back.
- He never left. - Yeah, i wanted to help out.
So, i-i cleaned the house, and i made dinner.
- He made spaghetti. You love spaghetti.
- I really do love spaghetti! - Anyway, I'd best be off.
- Oh, you're not-- you're not gonna stay
and eat spaghetti? - No, i promised my dad
I'd visit him, so-- - oh, okay.
Thanks for all the stuff.
- Why doesn't niamh ever do that?
- What-- make you dinner and then, uh, not-not
make you talk to her while you eat it?
- Yeah. - You could just break up
with her and then go to a restaurant.
- Mmm. How's your mum?
- Oh, yeah. Tom, i just-- i just
really think i have to move back in with her.
- Wow! That is very nice of you.
- Yeah-- I'm a modern day hero. - Hero is a strong word.
- No-- I'm almost definitely gonna be young Australian
of the year for this. - More like young
duckface of the year. - Brilliant-- that's clever.
That's really good.
Shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
shoo wop doo wop shoo wop doo wop
ah