Celebs Go Dating (2016–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Episode #1.5 - full transcript
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- This summer,
these famous dating disasters
are looking for love.
Joey Essex!
I really wanna meet a sort
and that's why I'm here.
- Stephanie Pratt!
- I don't want guys to
think if they date me
I'm gonna bring them on
TV and they'll be famous.
- Paisley Billings.
- I've never been in love,
so I need the agents to find me
someone
who I can be myself
with and learn to love.
- Tyger Drew-Honey.
- My parents worked in the porn
industry.
What difference does that make?
- Jack Jones.
- I'm here looking for love.
- And Charlotte Crosby.
- I want unicorns, I want
butterflies,
I want fairytale love.
- They've signed up
to E4's Celebrity Dating
Agency to find the one.
- Scared in case you see my
vagina.
- But in their
search for a soulmate,
these celebs aren't dating
famous people.
- It just don't seem to work.
- They're dating you!
- Oh my fucking God!
- Everyone stop panicking!
- Do you have a lot of sex?
- They've got three weeks.
- Hi!
- Hiya.
- To meet and greet,
wine and dine, kiss or diss.
- It was disgusting.
- As many dates as possible.
- It was just awful.
- Before they must choose.
- Who's had chlamydia?
- Their perfect plus one.
Tonight, who will make the
grade?
- You said I'm a slag.
- And who will get the chop.
- Tongued the shit out of her.
- As our Celebs.
- Very nice!
- Go.
- Is it bigger than
that piece of sandwich?
- Dating.
- Do you wanna pick my fluff?
- What?
- Welcome to the
Celebrity Dating Agency.
Yesterday three of our single
celebs
continued their quest for love.
Despite being set up with model
Jack, Steph was not happy.
- I model full time.
- You guys must not set me
up with any more models.
- Liberal Jade
proved too much for Tyger.
- So what do you like
to do in your free time?
- Drink.
- And agency newbie
Jack Jones had his first date
but got a little too comfortable
with Joey Essex super fan
Marlene.
- Taken some food out with a
knife, it killed the romance.
- It's been a mixed
bag for our daters so far.
- Marlene was telling me about
Joey Essex.
Did put me off a little bit.
- But that won't stop this lot.
- We gonna see each other again?
- Well I have your number.
- Oh!
With a singles party lurking
next week,
our celebrities are keener than
ever
to continue in their search for
love.
First up is Charlotte who's
busy filming up north.
She's catching up with Nadia and
Eden
to talk about her date with
Jeavon.
- Let's get on the phone.
- Hi!
- Hi!
- Hey!
- Charlotte's now had two dates.
Her first with Danny ended in a
snog.
So much tongue!
But then she was blown away by
big Jeavon,
who she didn't even wanna
date in the first place.
- Jeavon makes us feel sick!
- But now she's changed her tune
and she's well into him.
- You're the best person I've
dated, ever.
- Women!
Can you still say that?
- I'm on a shoot today.
You wanna know about the date
then?
- 'Course.
- Desperately.
- So it was actually really
good.
Annoyingly because yous were
right.
- Yay!
- I was a little bit late,
obviously I was a big
negative about the date.
But when I turned up,
he had his hair tied up
and I was like, "Wow, he looks
fit."
His dress sense was so good,
he literally looked like a
model.
- Well his feedback.
- Oh god!
- We got a solid 10.
He would have given you a
12 had you not been so late.
- You liked him more than Danny?
- Yeah, I don't even like
Danny now compared to Jeavon.
- Really?
So you choose Jeavon over Danny
full stop?
- 100% would choose Jeavon over
Danny.
- We'll give you the
next date with Jeavon.
- Right, I'm so glad that yous
were right about everything.
But yous, I really need to go
now because I'm on a shoot.
Look, it's not me, it's
this girl here, Gemma
- Film our videos, go away.
- I'll see yous next time.
Bye!
- She's team Jeavon all the way.
We nailed it, we smashed it.
High five!
- Decent high five that.
Captain reem, Joey, is back at
the agency
to discover who is date number
three.
- Last time I was here, it was
so bad.
Calling Natalie and
having to explain to her
the reasons that I thought
it didn't go well at all
was terrible.
I don't think today could get
any worse.
Yes Tom, it's Joe!
- Come in.
- What's happening?
What's happening?
- Hello my honey bee.
- It's so miserable outside.
- Is it inclement weather?
- Yeah.
- Inclement weather?
Leave it out, Tom, it's raining.
- Oh, I do love it when
Joey comes into the agency.
I've such a soft spot for him,
but one mustn't have favourites.
- I need something to cheer me
up, Tom.
- Oh, I'm sure they've got
something to cheer you up.
- I hope so.
They're always telling me off.
- Oh, are they?
Well I shan't admonish you.
- Admonish?
Come on, Tom, what did you
have for lunch, a thesaurus?
- I've never got anything
cross to say to you.
- I know, exactly.
- Hi, Eden, Joey's here.
- Oh great, would you send him
up please?
- Last time Joey was in,
we made him call Natalie
to be honest about how he felt.
He was not impressed.
It will help, honestly.
- I felt like you thought
I was trying to mug you off a
little bit
and then you eye rolled me.
- No.
- We're only trying to help.
- You're not gonna tell
me off for anything today?
- Tell you off?
- Natalie.
- Did we tell you off?
- No, I think--
- A little bit.
- Do you think so?
- Yeah.
- Did you learn from it though?
- I feel like I'm a bit too
honest.
If you was at a date with
a girl, I ain't gonna go
"By the way I just wanna let you
know
"that I really, really don't
like you."
- We'd never ever
encourage you to do that.
- No we wouldn't suggest that.
- No, exactly, that's what I'm
saying.
Well hopefully the next
date is gonna be better.
- Well hopefully Rebecca
will make you feel amazing and
you'll--
- Robecca?
- Rebecca.
- What Rob or Reb?
- Rebecca.
- Rebecca?
- Yeah, the name Rebecca.
- Rebecca.
- Is it me?
- Rebecca?
I thought you said Robecca.
- No, Rebecca.
- Rebecca?
- Yeah, Rebecca.
- Yes.
- That's her name.
- Wait till he finds out
her surname is Papadopoulos.
Only joking, Joe.
- She attended a fabulous
all girls' school in Sussex.
- Sussex!
- Yeah.
- Is that near, Essex?
- Essex?
Not really.
- It ain't is it?
- It's quite posh.
- Is it?
- Bless him.
- She really
wants to find true love.
She's a real natural beauty.
Is that a picture of her?
- Yeah.
Now that picture doesn't do her
justice
and she looks phenomenal.
- Have you got any more pictures
of her?
- None.
- Not that I can show you.
- What do you think?
- Surely they can
get another photo, it's 2016.
Across town, Jeavon is
waiting patiently in a hotel
for his date with Charlotte.
He's confident, in't he?
She's 10 minutes late already
which is actually early for her.
- I mean I don't know how long
I've got
but I'm definitely gonna be late
again.
- That's it.
Just eat your weird shaped
scrambled egg
while everyone else waits for
you.
- I know that Jeavon's
gonna be downstairs now
and I'm gonna be late again.
- He's gonna
have to wait for you.
You've got about fifteen
croissants to get through.
- Do you think she does like
you?
- I hope so, she seems
to be interested, yeah.
- Oh, I'm gonna actually poop
myself.
Wait a second, I'm so sorry, I'm
so sorry.
- Are you nervous?
- No, I've got diarrhoea.
- You are physically nervous.
- Why would I be nervous?
I've already been out with him.
I really fancy him and I
think I fancy him so much
that it's given us a nervous
tummy.
- Listen, if you go on another
date with someone else,
I'll find out.
- Ooh, you laid down the
gauntlet.
- I wanna see her again.
I'd be upset if she did wanna go
on a date
with someone else.
- Yep, Charlotte
is literally shitting herself.
I'd give it five minutes if I
were you.
- What do you wanna do
for the second date?
- I've got a special
place that I like to go.
- Oh, is
this okay for broadcast?
- I've only ever been there
with a couple of people
and I wanna take her there
and have a picnic there.
- Second date will always be
easier.
- I hope there's not a third
though,
'cause you know what happens on
the third.
- You piss yourself?
- The third, sex has to happen.
- Oh yeah,
then you piss yourself.
- He's been in reception 25
minutes now.
I need to get a move on.
Hi!
Oh not again, don't start again.
- You're not
as late as last time.
- I'm not as late.
- You all right, yeah?
- How are you?
I'm so excited to see Jeavon
again.
We had such a laugh last time,
I'm hoping that this date is
even better.
- I'm feeling a little bit
unwell.
Is that a picnic?
- Yeah.
- What the hell?
- Let's go.
- What you got
in that picnic, Jeavon?
Fingers crossed for
Charlotte it's some Imodium.
Not many toilets in that park.
- I think it's so sweet
that he's planned a picnic.
No one's ever taken us to the
park
for a finger buffet before.
- Classic Crosby finger chat.
Not sure Joey's feeling
his date as much though.
- First impressions?
- Come on, Joey.
- I don't know, she's all right.
- You can be
honest, Joey, it's okay.
- When it comes to girls, I'm
quite fussy.
But I mean Joey Essex knows what
he likes.
I'm so picky.
That's what I'm trying
to say, I don't know.
She might be really nice.
I might meet her and be like "Oh
my God,
"this girl's so fit, man.
"She's reem."
But I don't know that till I
meet her.
- These celebs have such high
standards.
Rebecca is absolutely stunning.
What the hell is Joey's problem?
- Again you can't tell.
- And you're right, so go on the
date.
Where are you taking her?
- I'm taking her to a
restaurant, ping-pong place.
You can have a laugh
there so it's more like,
instead of just sitting
there, we can have a laugh,
you know what I mean?
I just think anything can
be better than the previous.
- Cool.
- Has she got fake lips?
- You'll just
have to wait and see.
I can't tell you.
- She's got fake lips.
She's got fake lips.
I don't mind fake lips.
I mean big fake boobs are a big
weird
but I don't mind.
- She definitely
doesn't have those,
you're fine.
- She doesn't?
- No.
- No.
- Ooh!
Ooh!
- Ooh, indeed, Joey.
- Later!
- How's that
magical picnic going?
- So you call this a picnic?
It has three items in.
You have just stopped by the
garage
when you got off the train
and picked two sandwiches up.
I'm so disappointed in you.
- Oh, I'm having one of these.
Don't knock that over.
- I know I've got the shits
but this picnic is crap.
- Have you
been on any more dates?
- I haven't.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely positive.
- So how did you think the last
one went?
Truthfully?
- Truthfully, I told
you, I really enjoyed it.
More than I ever expected.
- So your mom thought
I was all right then?
- Yeah she said that you were
fit.
And she was happy that it went
well
'cause before I went, I
was a bit of a nightmare.
- Shock!
- He's been so cheeky
but I let him have it
because he's quite fit
and I suppose he's a little bit
kissable.
Like there is another
mixer that I have to go on.
- Sour men!
- But I don't know who's gonna
be there
and what if you came again,
and what if Danny was there?
- In the world
of celebrity dating,
our celebs are very sure
about what they want.
- Joey Essex needs perfection.
- Rank!
- Joey's making
up his mind about Rebecca.
- Robecca?
- Sorry, Robecca.
Things aren't quite gonna plan
with Charlotte on her picnic
with Jeavon.
- You call this a picnic?
I'm so disappointed.
- And Paisley's
still in a stand-off
with the agency.
But Nadia and Eden are confident
the next client to arrive at the
agency
will be the solution.
- Got someone special in mind,
so we just wanted to find out
a little bit more about you,
and just to see if we think
it would be a good match.
We're focusing really
on sending you on a date
with our client, Paisley, from
the "Tattoo Fixers" TV show.
Have you seen it?
- I have seen it.
- You have?
- I've seen a
good couple of episodes,
I think she's beautiful.
- Great.
- Ooh.
Ding, ding, ding, ding!
From TV, what attracts you to
her?
- Her personality is just
so good, her one-liners,
her little laugh.
I don't know, I wouldn't
say I was smitten,
but I'd say she's--
- Oh a little bit!
- She's beautiful, she's a
beautiful girl.
- Do you fancy her?
- Definitely, yeah.
- All right, well we'll speak to
Paisley,
we'll try and get it all
sorted and we'll let you know.
- I'm so excited.
- Yes!
- I hope you're right.
- He's gonna smash it,
she's gonna love him,
it's gonna be amazing.
It's just what she needs.
- Totally.
- This for us is the
redeeming shining beacon
that we need to prove to her
that we know what we're doing.
- Meanwhile back at the park,
Jeavon is grilling Charlotte
on her first date, Danny.
- Have you been chatting to him
or has he tried to get in
contact or what?
- Not really, no.
- Not really?
That's a yeah.
- No he actually hasn't.
Because what if Danny
does what he did before?
- Do you wanna go out on
a date with me or not?
- I don't know
whether I can answer that
in front of all these people.
Wait, wait!
- I ain't gonna sit back
and laugh this time.
I'll be like, well, what
would you want me to do?
Would you want me to protect
you or say "Crack on, mate,"
or "She's mine," or what?
- Well I don't know, I don't
know.
But there will be other boys
there
and these dating agencies--
- Is there other girls there?
- Yes, there'll be girls.
- Well tell you what then,
we'll go there open minded.
- Don't you dare do a fist pump!
No, that's so bad.
- Don't leave you hanging?
- I'm leaving you hanging.
Ah!
A fist pump!
Who does he think he is?
As if I'm actually gonna
be excited about him
getting off with a load
of girls at the mixer.
What a bellend!
- Over at the agency,
Nadia and Eden are about to call
Paisley.
They've brought receptionist
Tom in for moral support.
- We've got super news for
Paisley
but she was very disappointed
with her last date
so this phone call could go
either way.
- Calling Miss Paisley to
inform her about Thales.
- Oh yes!
- Bit nervous, not gonna lie.
- So, Mom?
- Yes, baby.
- This is Nadia and Eden's
last chance, you know,
because I can't put myself
through that any more.
Like if you would have been
there.
- Corrie!
- Hiya.
- How are you, darling?
- I'm good, how are you?
- Sadly to say, I feel like me
and her
would just be better off as like
friends,
like really good friends.
- This is hard.
Are you for real?
It was horrible.
- They can't treat you like
that.
Can't find you people like that.
- Mom, honestly.
- You're a good person,
you need someone nice.
- This is why I say last chance,
unless they fix up.
- I'll be surprised if she
picks up the bloody phone.
- Yeah, good luck with that one.
- Not gonna lie.
She might see my name and
be like, "No, not today."
- Good luck.
- Back in the
park, Charlotte's keen on
getting to the nitty gritty of
Jeavon.
I guarantee you it's about his
nob.
- Do you know your private area?
- Yeah.
- Told you!
- Is it bigger
than that piece of sandwich?
- Yeah.
Come on!
That would be embarrassing.
- Yeah it's
bigger than the sandwich,
but it still does have a crust.
- Count yourself lucky that
there's no
cocktail sausages on this
picnic.
Well, some people have got
willies
smaller than that sandwich.
- Really?
Have you been with some of them?
- Well no, well no, but
it's not a bad thing.
It's the motion in the ocean.
- Motion in the ocean?
- Isn't it?
- Well, you tell me.
I've never had any complaints
so.
- If Jeavon's penis is pretty
decent,
I need to know more about it.
How many people have you slept
with?
- Oh god, this
ain't gonna end well.
- You don't have to answer exact
amount,
but you can say higher or lower.
- Lower!
Oh you're talking to him.
- 20.
- Higher.
- 30.
- Higher.
- 40.
- Higher.
- 50.
- I'd say probably about fifty.
- Really?
- Yeah but in 11 years
that ain't bad is it?
- My turn.
- Oh god.
- 100.
- Lower.
- 40.
- Lower.
- 30.
- Lower.
- 20.
- Little bit lower.
- 18.
- Actually it might be 20.
Is that bad for a girl?
- That is bad.
For a lad it's not that bad.
- Not that bad for a lad?
Is he for real!
Talk about double standards.
I've had about eight or nine
boyfriends.
- That's bad.
That's bad for a girl.
- Bad for a girl?
Come on, mate, it's 2016.
- Apart from my boyfriends,
that's like having sex
with one person a year.
That is not bad.
- Back at the agency,
it's time for that
phone call with Paisley.
- Hello!
- Hello, is that Paisley?
- Yeah, is this Nadia?
- Hi Paisley, how you doing?
- I'm okay.
After my disaster date with
Grant,
I've not exactly got
faith in Nadia and Eden.
- So I have your next date.
- Okay.
- We've found you the
perfect guy.
He's lovely, I'm gonna
send you a picture of him.
- Okay.
- So you can get to see him.
He's organising the date and
he's asked me specifically
to keep it a surprise.
Not a risk, he ticks all the
boxes.
- Well I've heard that before.
I'm trusting you 'cause
you said this last time
and you didn't tell me
if it was a risk or not.
It was only after when it went
badly
that you told me it was a risk
so.
- Yeah, of course we
can't send you on a date
and say "Oh by the way,
this is a risky one,"
because--
- Yeah so how can I trust
that this one isn't?
- I will do a deal with you.
If you don't like this date,
then you can come in to the
agency
and give me a slap round the
face.
- It's not me that you have to
worry about
giving you a slap, it's my mom.
I'm her baby, she's well pissed
off
that I had to go on a bad date.
- And the person burp in your
face.
- Look at mom!
Always with a glass of cava,
standard.
- Oh, she sounds like a
force to be reckoned with.
- She has to come out sometime.
I'll sit in my car.
- I take full responsibility
for that date,
but we're really, really
confident
that mama Paisley will love us.
You have to kiss a frog to get a
prince
and now we think we've found you
a prince.
Can't get any bloody worse.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay, bye Paisley!
Bye, bye, bye, bye
- Oh, nice work, nice work.
No but she's gonna love him.
I mean he is.
I mean I know his name's
Thales but he's tailor-made.
- You know that me and Tom
are off that day, don't you?
- Shut up!
No chance.
- Back at possibly
the most unromantic picnic
there has ever been, the
world's worst feminist, Jeavon,
asked Charlotte a brave
question.
- So what do you think of this
date
compared to the last one?
- To be honest, I think
it's been a letdown.
- Sound then.
- 'Cause you brought a shit
picnic.
You said I'm a slag.
And now you're not refusing that
comment,
so you think I'm a slag.
I really feel like the
cute momsy boy Jeavon
who I loved on the first date
is starting to turn into an
obnoxious lad.
- Well I hope the mixer goes
well on--
- You might be there.
- I will be and I'll be
looking for more women.
Just saying!
- Jeavon is acting like a right
tool.
All men are the same, I give up.
Come on, let's pack this stuff
away.
- Are you going?
- Yeah, it was all right.
It didn't flow as well as
last time but maybe next time.
- It was a risk that it was
gonna rain in the beginning,
kind of wish it did so it could
end the date a bit sooner.
- Well we walked into
the park holding hands
'cause we could but on the
way out, she was swigging away
at the champagne bottle
like a classy bird.
She wasn't lucky enough to
get another snog, bless her.
- I am open to going on
dates with other people
because I feel like another date
could be better than this one.
I mean it's not hard to beat,
so I'm gonna keep my options
open.
- Stay positive, Charlotte.
There's a man out there for you
somewhere.
And poor old Jeavon can't
stretch to a cab home.
Shouldn't have spent all
that money on sandwiches.
The Celebrity Dating Agency
has had a busy old day.
Paisley's been set up
on a date with Thales.
- She's beautiful.
- Charlotte's
pissed off with Jeavon.
- You think I'm a slag.
- And picky
old Joey is off on a date,
which he's over the moon about.
- Have you got any more pictures
of her?
- And Paisley's
going down the pub
for a pre-date girly
chat with best mate Alex.
- I've been friends with Alex
for donkeys.
We love a good chat and she
gives really good advice.
- So how's it all going?
- Honestly, the past two dates.
The first one, I feel
like he just said yeah
because he felt bad and
then the second one,
he was just so rude, Alex.
- Do you know what,
it can only get better.
- This is what I'm thinking.
Do you wanna see a picture?
I'll show you a picture.
- He looks like a really
nice guy.
- We'll see.
I'm a little bit scared like
I don't know how to flirt.
- If I like someone, I'll groom
them
and I'll pick stuff of.
- That's what monkeys do,
innit?
- Exactly.
You know go back to like primaeval
times and that's flirting.
- Nadia was saying that flirting
is like,
"Oh, little bit of."
- That's not flirting,
it's clothes maintenance.
- As long as he says nice
things, so that,
do you know what I mean?
- No but this is the thing,
I can't take compliments can I?
- True.
- So if he starts complimenting
me,
I'll probably start crying or
something,
and I can't cry on a date.
- I think it's gonna go
well, positive thinking.
Come on, come on!
- Positive thinking,
Positivity!
- Positive, yeah.
Positivity.
- Positivity.
- Yeah, it'll be good.
It's good to know Alex
is just around the corner
so if I need her, I can ring her
and get out of this bloody date.
- Jack's back at
the agency and for some reason
he's got sunglasses on
in the pissing rain.
- Hello, it's Jack.
- Hello.
- Hello, how are
you doing darling?
- It's a Blues Brother.
- Long time no see.
How you doing, you all right?
- Yes.
- What's going on?
You okay?
- Do you know all you need do
is laugh, it's like Uncle
Albert?
- Uncle Albert?
- I'd know you straight away.
You know Mary Poppins on the
ceiling?
- Mary Poppins?
Are you into musicals, Tom?
- Hi Eden, I've got Jack here.
- Is it all right to go up?
- Yeah absolutely, do.
- Gotta leave you now darling.
- I shall be bereft.
♪ Goodbye my friend
Can't wait to see Eden and Nadia
again
to talk to her about the date.
I thought I done all
right and I think Marlene
had a bit of a sick time
as well, so can't wait.
So how have you guys
been, you been all right?
- Good, excited to talk to you.
- Bet you can't wait.
- Genuinely.
Honestly, no, I can't.
I'm excited to hear how it went.
- Yeah, awesome, amazing.
- Date number one.
- I know.
- Smooth, Jack, real smooth.
- How in general
did the date flow?
- Brought up some great
conversations.
brought up "Pokemon Go".
I pulled a chair out for her.
I've never really done
that on a date before,
pulled out a chair.
So, yeah, I thought I'd done all
right.
- Over in Essex,
Joey is off down the pub
dishing the dirt on his
dating disasters to his dad.
- I love my dad, he's
basically my best mate
and he's the one I go to at
all times for every reason.
The first one was nice, her name
was Flo
and the conversation flowed
nicely.
It was like we was both getting
on,
but she started burping
in my face and all that.
We're seating here,
burp in my face.
- Oh no!
- I had to get up,
I thought I was gonna
have to call first aid.
- I'm so sorry.
- That's cringy.
And then I went on a date with
this girl
the other day, right and
I just didn't fancy her.
I don't know, anything you wanna
ask me?
- And you've got to go
and meet another one tonight?
- Yeah, but then they showed
me a picture of this girl
and to be quite brutally
honest, I don't fancy her.
- Oh Joe, look, you're
going on a blind date,
you've got to see what happens
ain't you?
- It's like a
scene from "EastEnders".
- It's not even about the looks,
it's literally, if you
obviously like a girl
so you're attracted because
they're pretty
and then you get to the
know the personality
and then it all works and it all
bonds.
But I'm not even finding none of
it.
- Well you will, Joe,
you're putting down on it
before you even get there.
- I totally
agree with him, Joey,
mainly because he looks well
hard.
At the agency, Nadia has
some home truths for Jack.
- Well her feedback.
She would give you an eight.
- Very nice.
That's good, I like that, that's
all cool.
- And she commented that
you were very down to earth.
- Awesome.
- And you had a lot more
substance than she expected.
- Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome, I like that,
that's really nice of her.
If there had been anything
negative,
I would have changed my verdict.
- Wasn't all 100% positive.
- Oh here we go, we started off
good,
now we're getting the bad.
- Well there's just a couple of
things
that we wanna speak to you
about.
- Okay, cool.
- He picked his tooth with a
knife.
- I didn't have a toothpick at
the time.
What's wrong with that?
It's got to be done.
- The feedback we've got from
her
is that there was no romance,
there was no flirting.
Do you think you want
to see Marlene again?
- She's a nice girl.
- She does feel that she was
friend-zoned.
- Oh, okay.
I'll explain to her and we
can talk about what she likes
and then I can pick up them tips
and in the least awkward way,
you know?
"Oh, so you know last
time, you might think that
"I was friend zoning."
- All right Jack, spit it out.
- "But I was just a bit nervous
and I was a bit insecure
"'cause you're a really
beautiful girl but."
- Oh, Jack!
If you talk as much on your
dates as you do in here,
I can see where your problem
lies.
- "What kind of things do you
like
"for someone to do to you?"
That's how I would kind of say
it.
Does that sound okay?
- Sounds like you've
got it all worked out, mate.
- Well mixer time,
that's the next on the agenda.
- Big night.
- Big night.
We will be there, like you said.
You're not gonna just be left to
go in and fend for yourself.
We'll be there to help,
so you can come and speak
to us and ask us anything.
- After setting Jack straight,
he heads off to prepare
for his first ever mixer.
- See you later, Thomas.
- Peace, that man.
- Bye!
- Bye-bye.
- Back at the pub,
Joey's dad has some words of
wisdom on how to meet girls.
- You imagine when I was young,
all you done was met a
girl in a pub or a bar
and arranged to meet them again.
There was none of this was
there?
I suppose there was blind dates,
but I've never been on one.
- Well I went on one the other
day
and it didn't work out at all.
She kept rolling her
eyes at me, this girl.
She kept going like, going
like rolling her eyes.
And they were saying because.
They was going, "Oh,
maybe 'cause her hair was in her face."
I went, "No, it was not because
there was hair in her face."
- I don't know, you're going
night anyway,
you've just got to go and
enjoy yourself, ain't you?
- I feel like I'm quite a
picky person with girls.
- That's all right.
- That's all right innit?
- What's wrong with that?
- I ain't.
'Course I am.
Listen, you've got to
enjoy yourself, mate.
Just go along and see what
happens
and meet someone and be happy
really.
That's all, that's the
most important thing isn't?
Just be happy.
- Fresh from a
pep talk with best mate Alex,
Paisley's about to meet her
date, Thales,
who has already revealed he's a
big fan.
- Do you fancy her?
- Definitely, yeah,
I think she's beautiful.
- Definitely.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Let's hope
it's third time lucky
for our tattoo fixer.
- I'm Thales, I'm a technical
analyst.
So I'm a nerd, an IT guy.
- I have never been this
nervous.
One more bad experience could
put me off dating for life.
- I'm very much a person
that would like to
wine and dine a girl.
I've not had much luck up
to this point unfortunately.
I'm hoping to find love.
- Come on, Paisley,
keep your head in the game.
- Hello.
- Hi!
- You all right, babe, these are
for you.
- Shut up.
- What?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, nice to meet
you.
I'm Thales.
- Nice to meet you.
Thales?
- Yeah.
So please sit.
- I'm gonna crawl round.
Oh my god, you got me flowers!
They're well cute!
- Yeah.
- I've never had flowers off a
guy before.
This is a good sign.
Maybe he's an actual gentleman.
- How are you?
- Nervous.
- Why nervous?
- Dating makes me nervous.
- Well you look beautiful so.
- Thank you.
- Did it take
you long to get here?
- No.
- No?
- I was at the pub,
up the road with my friend.
- Yeah.
- We're just chilling.
And she was like--
- Is that the pep talk
before the date?
- Yeah.
- Like girl to girl talk.
- He's really cute!
I just don't wanna get my hopes
up though
'cause of what happened before.
Here's a little secret, right.
The dating agency have told me
that
flirting is like picking fluff.
So if you've got something on
you,
I've gotta pick the fluff off or
whatever.
- Do I have some fluff on me?
- No, you don't, this is the
thing.
Am I meant to pretend
that there's fluff there?
- I've got holes there.
You can kind of be like
"Oh, there's something
wrong with your shirt."
- If you had fluff, I probably
would pick the fluff off you.
But you don't have any fluff.
Oh my God, I know my nerves
are getting the better of me
when I just keep chatting and
chatting.
- Someone who
doesn't suffer with such nerves,
Joey Essex.
- This girl tonight, I'm gonna
know by first impressions.
Wallop innit?
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba!
Straight in there.
Let's get with the girl, what?
Hopefully she's just dressed
nice,
probably a bit dressed down,
you know just casual like me.
Look what I'm wearing?
I'm wearing jeans with rips
in them, a T-shirt, jacket
and some skating trainers.
Standard.
Trying too hard is too much.
If you try too hard in
life, it doesn't work.
Do less.
It's a true saying.
I don't know the exact
saying but let's just say,
try too hard, how can I work
this out?
- Your guess is as good as mine.
So Joey's en route to his date
but Paisley's is in full swing
and looks like it's going pretty
well.
- Right so, what do you do?
- I work in a bank in the City.
IT, it's just me being
a nerd really.
- Are you a bit of a nerd?
- Yeah, I got to say, I'm
self confessed, sorry.
Bit of a nerd.
- What's the nerdiest
thing you've ever done?
- The nerdiest thing I've ever
done?
Probably a hackathon.
- A what-a-thon?
- Hang on a minute.
What the fuck is a hackathon?
- So basically
you're given a bit of code
and you have to de-code it
within a certain amount of time
and make sure that it's
all up and running.
It is really nerdy isn't it?
I apologise.
- You're given a bit of codes?
- Yeah.
- Which is what, just
letters and numbers?
- It sounds so exciting right?
- Just letters and numbers,
yeah?
- Yeah.
- And then you have to what?
- De-code it so that it works.
- What is he talking about?
And you do that for fun?
- I guess so, yeah.
- Right.
- I don't know if we're
on the same page here.
- I don't think we are.
- Oh Thales, mate,
don't talk about coding on a
first date.
Delete, delete!
- What's happening geez, sweet.
- With low expectations
but some sound advice from his
old man,
Joey arrives for his date with
Rebecca.
- I need something to liven this
date up
because at this moment in time
I am not feeling this girl.
Is there any such thing
as strip ping-pong?
- If I had to date one of the
celebrities from the show,
it would definitely have to be
Joey.
He's definitely the best
looking, I love his dress sense,
I love how he comes across.
- Hello, you all right?
How are you?
Rebecca?
- Yes.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Joey, you okay?
Yeah, you ever been here before?
- I haven't, no.
- No, nor have I.
I don't really know what I'm
doing but.
Shall we go down, do
you wanna go down, yeah?
What was that photo about at the
agency?
Oh my god, she's a sort.
She's a weapon.
Yeah, what are you saying?
- Would you ever
knowingly date a 19-year-old?
- I mean, I normally look for
like older.
- Experiencing new things
is a good thing though.
Like, you never know.
- She's well posh and
I like a bit of posh.
- I think we need a dare sort of
thing.
- Oh the fine art of date dares.
- Go on then, hit me with a
dare.
- I don't know what to say.
- Ah, could you do like 30
press-ups?
- Yeah if you wanted me to,
yeah.
- 50?
- I'll easily do that.
- 50 press-ups?
No slack?
Three, four.
- Nothing to
see here, just Joey Essex
doing press-ups in a
ping-pong pub restaurant.
- 28.
48, 49, 50.
Well done!
- I might have made that look
easy but, who cares.
- I'm seriously impressed.
- So basically if I win this,
you've gotta kiss me on the
cheek.
Or was you gonna kiss
me on the cheek anyway?
- Smooth, Joey, real smooth.
- Might as well, it's a dare
innit?
Oh, that was nearly on
the lips.
- Easy!
- That was so
close on the lips, man.
- That was not.
- All right.
- Our celebs have been dating.
Charlotte's was a storm in a
picnic and didn't go too well.
- To be honest, I think
it's been a let down.
You said I'm a slag.
This dating malarkey is
harder than it looks.
- Paisley's got
a lovely bunch of flowers.
- You got me flowers!
- While Joey's planning on
taking things up a notch.
- A shot?
Ah!
Oh, you're not having one?
- No.
- Are you hot?
- No, are you?
Boiling in here.
- Maybe you're just anxious.
- Maybe I'm just really scared
now.
I'm getting all hot and
flustered around you.
- Maybe, because I'm totally
fine.
After you!
- Go for it, go
for it, go for it, yes!
Oh, she's only done it.
- I think someone likes Becky!
Play it cool, Joseph.
- Imagine if I was like this.
Would you like me if I
was like this on you?
- It's quite like domineering.
- Oh you would like it, you'd
be like yeah you're the boss?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Yes, I love that.
She is the definition of a salty
potato.
- I don't care
what you do to your potatoes,
I don't wanna hear about it.
- We can swap
places now because I just feel
a little bit sorry for you.
- Yeah, yeah, I think so.
I think it's about time
the agency put me on a date
with a girl I actually like.
Like a girl that I actually
go "Wow, she's fit."
- Back at the restaurant,
Thales has just admitted
he's a bit of a geek,
which didn't go down
too well with Paisley.
He's tryna pull it back.
Come on, Thales!
- There was one time when I was
younger
and I was with my cousins
and we all used to take turns
getting in the sleeping bag,
and then we would push each
other about.
I think there was one time.
There was one time we started
farting.
- You are disgusting!
- I'm guessing
that's one of those stories
you have to be there for,
Thales, yeah?
- At the end of the story,
I was like "Oh no, this isn't
"a good one to tell."
- No, that's funny!
I'm happy you told that one
instead.
- Why?
- 'Cause it's funny.
- Come on, Paisley,
farting in a sleeping bag story?
- I know I'm not exactly
romantic but he's been real.
I love that.
It's making me feel much more
relaxed.
- Probably wasn't the
best one to start with.
- No, I think that's really
really funny,
like you farting in a sleeping
bag.
Honestly that is probably the
best story
you could have told me.
- Why?
- Because you're just so normal.
I hate it when people try and
impress you.
- I actually need to go toilet.
- Okay.
- So as Thales
heads to the toilet
to think of some better
anecdotes,
Paisley calls her emergency
contact and best friend, Alex,
for a quick catch-up.
- We're at some restaurant,
yeah.
He got me flowers, Alex!
He got me flowers, like pink
roses.
- Things are going
well for Paisley, and Joey.
- So like I was like.--
- Oh.
- Someone actually showed me
a Snapchat of you in Ibiza.
"Becks, look at this," and I
was like, "Yeah, he's okay.
"He's all right."
Do you not just think that you
should be
settled down right now?
- Imagine that.
I've only just bought an house,
so imagine all little kids
running about.
Like little mini Joeys and that.
Mini Joeys and Beckys?
Hmm, they could be cute, yeah.
- So like do you like date girls
often?
- Most girls I date are like
models
or any of them, I don't know.
But that's just life I suppose.
- It is.
- You have relationships when
you grow up,
you're in and out of them all
the time
and sometimes it works,
sometimes it don't.
Hopefully one day you
meet someone you like,
you know what I mean?
Yeah, I really like her.
I think I'm not the one to mess
about.
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna say
it.
So are we gonna go out and have
a date?
- If you want too.
What are you doing this evening?
- I've got to go back to Essex
tonight
and then this mixer thing.
- I'm going too.
- What?
- Going too.
I'm so nervous for it.
- Yeah, but I'm there.
- Well, yeah I know, but then
there's
loads of like girls there as
well.
- Obviously on the sly one,
me and you can just like talk.
I'm game.
Sparred on that one, yeah.
- More than.
- Just goes to show Joey,
you shouldn't judge a book by
a photo given to you by a dating
agency.
- I don't know where she's
from, she was bare posh.
- I'm not posh, like I'm from
Sussex.
I'm from Horsham.
- She's like, "No." Do
you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
I go, "No."
They go, "No, no.
"No."
- Elocution
lessons from Joey Essex.
I've seen it all now.
- He kind of said all the right
things
and like what I would
want from like a guy.
- If I had my tick list, I'd
have been ticking bare boxes.
I'd have been ba, ba, ba, ba,
ba.
- Mwah.
- Swag, okay, talk, okay,
personality, okay, fit.
What else you want?
- I am looking forward
to seeing Joey again.
- got myself a posh bird,
what are you saying?
- I think you should go
on at least three dates
before you kiss.
- Oh, what an old romantic.
Back at Paisley's dinner date,
Thales is keen to find out
more about her background.
- Can you dance?
- I've got loads of moves.
- Really?
- Listen!
- No, not even joking.
I was like a professional dancer
from the age of about seven.
So yeah, I can dance very
well, thank you very much.
- What about salsa?
- Salsa? Salsa's fun.
- Can you teach me?
- Can I teach you?
- Yeah.
- I can try.
- I've got a little
bit of rhythm going on.
- That was funny.
I'm not really good at reading
situations,
but was that him just
asking me on another date?
I mean I wouldn't mind if he
did, I'd be well up for that.
Am I how you expected I would
be?
- Obviously, I
think you're beautiful.
- Oh my God, no one's ever
called me beautiful before,
except my mom.
- I'm interested to see how
this girl is in real life.
If she's mellowed out?
If she's gonna be a different
person from who she is on TV?
- Okay.
- I think you're the same,
you're the same person as
you portray yourself on TV.
I think that's good.
It's really, really good.
- It's going really well,
I'm gonna try what Nadia taught
me.
Do you wanna pick my fluff?
Oh my God!
You're supposed to say yes.
- Of course I wanna
pick your fluff.
- Finally someone who I feel
like is a decent person.
Thank you for dinner!
- No problem, babes, my
pleasure.
You've been--
- And my flowers.
- Top-rate company.
- And good company.
- And good company.
Paisley's an amazing girl.
I couldn't think of anyone
better to be on a first date with
because we like bubbled
and it just went naturally.
- Did I fancy Thales?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my God, it's raining.
- Aw, don't worry about it.
Got my coat, do you want it?
- Yeah, you've got to put it
over my head like a nun though.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't believe this.
Go for it.
You all right, you safe?
- You wanna come to the pub?
- Yeah, of course.
- Right, let's go.
- Carry on!
- Paisley's love life.
I feel like we might have
an inkling of a love life,
whereas before it was just
non-existent.
So now we've got a hint.
- Aw, look, he's a proper gent.
He's not tongued the shit out of
anyone.
I think he's a keeper, Pais.
- Really?
- Next week.
- If the celebs thought
week one was tough.
- Look at this!
- Week two's gonna be harder.
- Would it matter to you if I
had a penis?
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- I'm gonna go away now.
- Tougher.
- I think maybe you should just
go.
I can't get my heart broken
again.
- And cringier.
- What is your favourite
sandwich filler?
- You have the
best bitch face, I love it.
- What am I doing wrong?
- He has a six pack but
also looks like shit.
- Get down and give me 20.
- Don't really think our tongues
touched.
- I just feel a little bit
uncomfortable, if I'm honest.
- Completely clashing with us.
- Fuck you guys.
- That's dating.
---
- This summer,
these famous dating disasters
are looking for love.
Joey Essex!
I really wanna meet a sort
and that's why I'm here.
- Stephanie Pratt!
- I don't want guys to
think if they date me
I'm gonna bring them on
TV and they'll be famous.
- Paisley Billings.
- I've never been in love,
so I need the agents to find me
someone
who I can be myself
with and learn to love.
- Tyger Drew-Honey.
- My parents worked in the porn
industry.
What difference does that make?
- Jack Jones.
- I'm here looking for love.
- And Charlotte Crosby.
- I want unicorns, I want
butterflies,
I want fairytale love.
- They've signed up
to E4's Celebrity Dating
Agency to find the one.
- Scared in case you see my
vagina.
- But in their
search for a soulmate,
these celebs aren't dating
famous people.
- It just don't seem to work.
- They're dating you!
- Oh my fucking God!
- Everyone stop panicking!
- Do you have a lot of sex?
- They've got three weeks.
- Hi!
- Hiya.
- To meet and greet,
wine and dine, kiss or diss.
- It was disgusting.
- As many dates as possible.
- It was just awful.
- Before they must choose.
- Who's had chlamydia?
- Their perfect plus one.
Tonight, who will make the
grade?
- You said I'm a slag.
- And who will get the chop.
- Tongued the shit out of her.
- As our Celebs.
- Very nice!
- Go.
- Is it bigger than
that piece of sandwich?
- Dating.
- Do you wanna pick my fluff?
- What?
- Welcome to the
Celebrity Dating Agency.
Yesterday three of our single
celebs
continued their quest for love.
Despite being set up with model
Jack, Steph was not happy.
- I model full time.
- You guys must not set me
up with any more models.
- Liberal Jade
proved too much for Tyger.
- So what do you like
to do in your free time?
- Drink.
- And agency newbie
Jack Jones had his first date
but got a little too comfortable
with Joey Essex super fan
Marlene.
- Taken some food out with a
knife, it killed the romance.
- It's been a mixed
bag for our daters so far.
- Marlene was telling me about
Joey Essex.
Did put me off a little bit.
- But that won't stop this lot.
- We gonna see each other again?
- Well I have your number.
- Oh!
With a singles party lurking
next week,
our celebrities are keener than
ever
to continue in their search for
love.
First up is Charlotte who's
busy filming up north.
She's catching up with Nadia and
Eden
to talk about her date with
Jeavon.
- Let's get on the phone.
- Hi!
- Hi!
- Hey!
- Charlotte's now had two dates.
Her first with Danny ended in a
snog.
So much tongue!
But then she was blown away by
big Jeavon,
who she didn't even wanna
date in the first place.
- Jeavon makes us feel sick!
- But now she's changed her tune
and she's well into him.
- You're the best person I've
dated, ever.
- Women!
Can you still say that?
- I'm on a shoot today.
You wanna know about the date
then?
- 'Course.
- Desperately.
- So it was actually really
good.
Annoyingly because yous were
right.
- Yay!
- I was a little bit late,
obviously I was a big
negative about the date.
But when I turned up,
he had his hair tied up
and I was like, "Wow, he looks
fit."
His dress sense was so good,
he literally looked like a
model.
- Well his feedback.
- Oh god!
- We got a solid 10.
He would have given you a
12 had you not been so late.
- You liked him more than Danny?
- Yeah, I don't even like
Danny now compared to Jeavon.
- Really?
So you choose Jeavon over Danny
full stop?
- 100% would choose Jeavon over
Danny.
- We'll give you the
next date with Jeavon.
- Right, I'm so glad that yous
were right about everything.
But yous, I really need to go
now because I'm on a shoot.
Look, it's not me, it's
this girl here, Gemma
- Film our videos, go away.
- I'll see yous next time.
Bye!
- She's team Jeavon all the way.
We nailed it, we smashed it.
High five!
- Decent high five that.
Captain reem, Joey, is back at
the agency
to discover who is date number
three.
- Last time I was here, it was
so bad.
Calling Natalie and
having to explain to her
the reasons that I thought
it didn't go well at all
was terrible.
I don't think today could get
any worse.
Yes Tom, it's Joe!
- Come in.
- What's happening?
What's happening?
- Hello my honey bee.
- It's so miserable outside.
- Is it inclement weather?
- Yeah.
- Inclement weather?
Leave it out, Tom, it's raining.
- Oh, I do love it when
Joey comes into the agency.
I've such a soft spot for him,
but one mustn't have favourites.
- I need something to cheer me
up, Tom.
- Oh, I'm sure they've got
something to cheer you up.
- I hope so.
They're always telling me off.
- Oh, are they?
Well I shan't admonish you.
- Admonish?
Come on, Tom, what did you
have for lunch, a thesaurus?
- I've never got anything
cross to say to you.
- I know, exactly.
- Hi, Eden, Joey's here.
- Oh great, would you send him
up please?
- Last time Joey was in,
we made him call Natalie
to be honest about how he felt.
He was not impressed.
It will help, honestly.
- I felt like you thought
I was trying to mug you off a
little bit
and then you eye rolled me.
- No.
- We're only trying to help.
- You're not gonna tell
me off for anything today?
- Tell you off?
- Natalie.
- Did we tell you off?
- No, I think--
- A little bit.
- Do you think so?
- Yeah.
- Did you learn from it though?
- I feel like I'm a bit too
honest.
If you was at a date with
a girl, I ain't gonna go
"By the way I just wanna let you
know
"that I really, really don't
like you."
- We'd never ever
encourage you to do that.
- No we wouldn't suggest that.
- No, exactly, that's what I'm
saying.
Well hopefully the next
date is gonna be better.
- Well hopefully Rebecca
will make you feel amazing and
you'll--
- Robecca?
- Rebecca.
- What Rob or Reb?
- Rebecca.
- Rebecca?
- Yeah, the name Rebecca.
- Rebecca.
- Is it me?
- Rebecca?
I thought you said Robecca.
- No, Rebecca.
- Rebecca?
- Yeah, Rebecca.
- Yes.
- That's her name.
- Wait till he finds out
her surname is Papadopoulos.
Only joking, Joe.
- She attended a fabulous
all girls' school in Sussex.
- Sussex!
- Yeah.
- Is that near, Essex?
- Essex?
Not really.
- It ain't is it?
- It's quite posh.
- Is it?
- Bless him.
- She really
wants to find true love.
She's a real natural beauty.
Is that a picture of her?
- Yeah.
Now that picture doesn't do her
justice
and she looks phenomenal.
- Have you got any more pictures
of her?
- None.
- Not that I can show you.
- What do you think?
- Surely they can
get another photo, it's 2016.
Across town, Jeavon is
waiting patiently in a hotel
for his date with Charlotte.
He's confident, in't he?
She's 10 minutes late already
which is actually early for her.
- I mean I don't know how long
I've got
but I'm definitely gonna be late
again.
- That's it.
Just eat your weird shaped
scrambled egg
while everyone else waits for
you.
- I know that Jeavon's
gonna be downstairs now
and I'm gonna be late again.
- He's gonna
have to wait for you.
You've got about fifteen
croissants to get through.
- Do you think she does like
you?
- I hope so, she seems
to be interested, yeah.
- Oh, I'm gonna actually poop
myself.
Wait a second, I'm so sorry, I'm
so sorry.
- Are you nervous?
- No, I've got diarrhoea.
- You are physically nervous.
- Why would I be nervous?
I've already been out with him.
I really fancy him and I
think I fancy him so much
that it's given us a nervous
tummy.
- Listen, if you go on another
date with someone else,
I'll find out.
- Ooh, you laid down the
gauntlet.
- I wanna see her again.
I'd be upset if she did wanna go
on a date
with someone else.
- Yep, Charlotte
is literally shitting herself.
I'd give it five minutes if I
were you.
- What do you wanna do
for the second date?
- I've got a special
place that I like to go.
- Oh, is
this okay for broadcast?
- I've only ever been there
with a couple of people
and I wanna take her there
and have a picnic there.
- Second date will always be
easier.
- I hope there's not a third
though,
'cause you know what happens on
the third.
- You piss yourself?
- The third, sex has to happen.
- Oh yeah,
then you piss yourself.
- He's been in reception 25
minutes now.
I need to get a move on.
Hi!
Oh not again, don't start again.
- You're not
as late as last time.
- I'm not as late.
- You all right, yeah?
- How are you?
I'm so excited to see Jeavon
again.
We had such a laugh last time,
I'm hoping that this date is
even better.
- I'm feeling a little bit
unwell.
Is that a picnic?
- Yeah.
- What the hell?
- Let's go.
- What you got
in that picnic, Jeavon?
Fingers crossed for
Charlotte it's some Imodium.
Not many toilets in that park.
- I think it's so sweet
that he's planned a picnic.
No one's ever taken us to the
park
for a finger buffet before.
- Classic Crosby finger chat.
Not sure Joey's feeling
his date as much though.
- First impressions?
- Come on, Joey.
- I don't know, she's all right.
- You can be
honest, Joey, it's okay.
- When it comes to girls, I'm
quite fussy.
But I mean Joey Essex knows what
he likes.
I'm so picky.
That's what I'm trying
to say, I don't know.
She might be really nice.
I might meet her and be like "Oh
my God,
"this girl's so fit, man.
"She's reem."
But I don't know that till I
meet her.
- These celebs have such high
standards.
Rebecca is absolutely stunning.
What the hell is Joey's problem?
- Again you can't tell.
- And you're right, so go on the
date.
Where are you taking her?
- I'm taking her to a
restaurant, ping-pong place.
You can have a laugh
there so it's more like,
instead of just sitting
there, we can have a laugh,
you know what I mean?
I just think anything can
be better than the previous.
- Cool.
- Has she got fake lips?
- You'll just
have to wait and see.
I can't tell you.
- She's got fake lips.
She's got fake lips.
I don't mind fake lips.
I mean big fake boobs are a big
weird
but I don't mind.
- She definitely
doesn't have those,
you're fine.
- She doesn't?
- No.
- No.
- Ooh!
Ooh!
- Ooh, indeed, Joey.
- Later!
- How's that
magical picnic going?
- So you call this a picnic?
It has three items in.
You have just stopped by the
garage
when you got off the train
and picked two sandwiches up.
I'm so disappointed in you.
- Oh, I'm having one of these.
Don't knock that over.
- I know I've got the shits
but this picnic is crap.
- Have you
been on any more dates?
- I haven't.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely positive.
- So how did you think the last
one went?
Truthfully?
- Truthfully, I told
you, I really enjoyed it.
More than I ever expected.
- So your mom thought
I was all right then?
- Yeah she said that you were
fit.
And she was happy that it went
well
'cause before I went, I
was a bit of a nightmare.
- Shock!
- He's been so cheeky
but I let him have it
because he's quite fit
and I suppose he's a little bit
kissable.
Like there is another
mixer that I have to go on.
- Sour men!
- But I don't know who's gonna
be there
and what if you came again,
and what if Danny was there?
- In the world
of celebrity dating,
our celebs are very sure
about what they want.
- Joey Essex needs perfection.
- Rank!
- Joey's making
up his mind about Rebecca.
- Robecca?
- Sorry, Robecca.
Things aren't quite gonna plan
with Charlotte on her picnic
with Jeavon.
- You call this a picnic?
I'm so disappointed.
- And Paisley's
still in a stand-off
with the agency.
But Nadia and Eden are confident
the next client to arrive at the
agency
will be the solution.
- Got someone special in mind,
so we just wanted to find out
a little bit more about you,
and just to see if we think
it would be a good match.
We're focusing really
on sending you on a date
with our client, Paisley, from
the "Tattoo Fixers" TV show.
Have you seen it?
- I have seen it.
- You have?
- I've seen a
good couple of episodes,
I think she's beautiful.
- Great.
- Ooh.
Ding, ding, ding, ding!
From TV, what attracts you to
her?
- Her personality is just
so good, her one-liners,
her little laugh.
I don't know, I wouldn't
say I was smitten,
but I'd say she's--
- Oh a little bit!
- She's beautiful, she's a
beautiful girl.
- Do you fancy her?
- Definitely, yeah.
- All right, well we'll speak to
Paisley,
we'll try and get it all
sorted and we'll let you know.
- I'm so excited.
- Yes!
- I hope you're right.
- He's gonna smash it,
she's gonna love him,
it's gonna be amazing.
It's just what she needs.
- Totally.
- This for us is the
redeeming shining beacon
that we need to prove to her
that we know what we're doing.
- Meanwhile back at the park,
Jeavon is grilling Charlotte
on her first date, Danny.
- Have you been chatting to him
or has he tried to get in
contact or what?
- Not really, no.
- Not really?
That's a yeah.
- No he actually hasn't.
Because what if Danny
does what he did before?
- Do you wanna go out on
a date with me or not?
- I don't know
whether I can answer that
in front of all these people.
Wait, wait!
- I ain't gonna sit back
and laugh this time.
I'll be like, well, what
would you want me to do?
Would you want me to protect
you or say "Crack on, mate,"
or "She's mine," or what?
- Well I don't know, I don't
know.
But there will be other boys
there
and these dating agencies--
- Is there other girls there?
- Yes, there'll be girls.
- Well tell you what then,
we'll go there open minded.
- Don't you dare do a fist pump!
No, that's so bad.
- Don't leave you hanging?
- I'm leaving you hanging.
Ah!
A fist pump!
Who does he think he is?
As if I'm actually gonna
be excited about him
getting off with a load
of girls at the mixer.
What a bellend!
- Over at the agency,
Nadia and Eden are about to call
Paisley.
They've brought receptionist
Tom in for moral support.
- We've got super news for
Paisley
but she was very disappointed
with her last date
so this phone call could go
either way.
- Calling Miss Paisley to
inform her about Thales.
- Oh yes!
- Bit nervous, not gonna lie.
- So, Mom?
- Yes, baby.
- This is Nadia and Eden's
last chance, you know,
because I can't put myself
through that any more.
Like if you would have been
there.
- Corrie!
- Hiya.
- How are you, darling?
- I'm good, how are you?
- Sadly to say, I feel like me
and her
would just be better off as like
friends,
like really good friends.
- This is hard.
Are you for real?
It was horrible.
- They can't treat you like
that.
Can't find you people like that.
- Mom, honestly.
- You're a good person,
you need someone nice.
- This is why I say last chance,
unless they fix up.
- I'll be surprised if she
picks up the bloody phone.
- Yeah, good luck with that one.
- Not gonna lie.
She might see my name and
be like, "No, not today."
- Good luck.
- Back in the
park, Charlotte's keen on
getting to the nitty gritty of
Jeavon.
I guarantee you it's about his
nob.
- Do you know your private area?
- Yeah.
- Told you!
- Is it bigger
than that piece of sandwich?
- Yeah.
Come on!
That would be embarrassing.
- Yeah it's
bigger than the sandwich,
but it still does have a crust.
- Count yourself lucky that
there's no
cocktail sausages on this
picnic.
Well, some people have got
willies
smaller than that sandwich.
- Really?
Have you been with some of them?
- Well no, well no, but
it's not a bad thing.
It's the motion in the ocean.
- Motion in the ocean?
- Isn't it?
- Well, you tell me.
I've never had any complaints
so.
- If Jeavon's penis is pretty
decent,
I need to know more about it.
How many people have you slept
with?
- Oh god, this
ain't gonna end well.
- You don't have to answer exact
amount,
but you can say higher or lower.
- Lower!
Oh you're talking to him.
- 20.
- Higher.
- 30.
- Higher.
- 40.
- Higher.
- 50.
- I'd say probably about fifty.
- Really?
- Yeah but in 11 years
that ain't bad is it?
- My turn.
- Oh god.
- 100.
- Lower.
- 40.
- Lower.
- 30.
- Lower.
- 20.
- Little bit lower.
- 18.
- Actually it might be 20.
Is that bad for a girl?
- That is bad.
For a lad it's not that bad.
- Not that bad for a lad?
Is he for real!
Talk about double standards.
I've had about eight or nine
boyfriends.
- That's bad.
That's bad for a girl.
- Bad for a girl?
Come on, mate, it's 2016.
- Apart from my boyfriends,
that's like having sex
with one person a year.
That is not bad.
- Back at the agency,
it's time for that
phone call with Paisley.
- Hello!
- Hello, is that Paisley?
- Yeah, is this Nadia?
- Hi Paisley, how you doing?
- I'm okay.
After my disaster date with
Grant,
I've not exactly got
faith in Nadia and Eden.
- So I have your next date.
- Okay.
- We've found you the
perfect guy.
He's lovely, I'm gonna
send you a picture of him.
- Okay.
- So you can get to see him.
He's organising the date and
he's asked me specifically
to keep it a surprise.
Not a risk, he ticks all the
boxes.
- Well I've heard that before.
I'm trusting you 'cause
you said this last time
and you didn't tell me
if it was a risk or not.
It was only after when it went
badly
that you told me it was a risk
so.
- Yeah, of course we
can't send you on a date
and say "Oh by the way,
this is a risky one,"
because--
- Yeah so how can I trust
that this one isn't?
- I will do a deal with you.
If you don't like this date,
then you can come in to the
agency
and give me a slap round the
face.
- It's not me that you have to
worry about
giving you a slap, it's my mom.
I'm her baby, she's well pissed
off
that I had to go on a bad date.
- And the person burp in your
face.
- Look at mom!
Always with a glass of cava,
standard.
- Oh, she sounds like a
force to be reckoned with.
- She has to come out sometime.
I'll sit in my car.
- I take full responsibility
for that date,
but we're really, really
confident
that mama Paisley will love us.
You have to kiss a frog to get a
prince
and now we think we've found you
a prince.
Can't get any bloody worse.
- Okay, cool.
- Okay, bye Paisley!
Bye, bye, bye, bye
- Oh, nice work, nice work.
No but she's gonna love him.
I mean he is.
I mean I know his name's
Thales but he's tailor-made.
- You know that me and Tom
are off that day, don't you?
- Shut up!
No chance.
- Back at possibly
the most unromantic picnic
there has ever been, the
world's worst feminist, Jeavon,
asked Charlotte a brave
question.
- So what do you think of this
date
compared to the last one?
- To be honest, I think
it's been a letdown.
- Sound then.
- 'Cause you brought a shit
picnic.
You said I'm a slag.
And now you're not refusing that
comment,
so you think I'm a slag.
I really feel like the
cute momsy boy Jeavon
who I loved on the first date
is starting to turn into an
obnoxious lad.
- Well I hope the mixer goes
well on--
- You might be there.
- I will be and I'll be
looking for more women.
Just saying!
- Jeavon is acting like a right
tool.
All men are the same, I give up.
Come on, let's pack this stuff
away.
- Are you going?
- Yeah, it was all right.
It didn't flow as well as
last time but maybe next time.
- It was a risk that it was
gonna rain in the beginning,
kind of wish it did so it could
end the date a bit sooner.
- Well we walked into
the park holding hands
'cause we could but on the
way out, she was swigging away
at the champagne bottle
like a classy bird.
She wasn't lucky enough to
get another snog, bless her.
- I am open to going on
dates with other people
because I feel like another date
could be better than this one.
I mean it's not hard to beat,
so I'm gonna keep my options
open.
- Stay positive, Charlotte.
There's a man out there for you
somewhere.
And poor old Jeavon can't
stretch to a cab home.
Shouldn't have spent all
that money on sandwiches.
The Celebrity Dating Agency
has had a busy old day.
Paisley's been set up
on a date with Thales.
- She's beautiful.
- Charlotte's
pissed off with Jeavon.
- You think I'm a slag.
- And picky
old Joey is off on a date,
which he's over the moon about.
- Have you got any more pictures
of her?
- And Paisley's
going down the pub
for a pre-date girly
chat with best mate Alex.
- I've been friends with Alex
for donkeys.
We love a good chat and she
gives really good advice.
- So how's it all going?
- Honestly, the past two dates.
The first one, I feel
like he just said yeah
because he felt bad and
then the second one,
he was just so rude, Alex.
- Do you know what,
it can only get better.
- This is what I'm thinking.
Do you wanna see a picture?
I'll show you a picture.
- He looks like a really
nice guy.
- We'll see.
I'm a little bit scared like
I don't know how to flirt.
- If I like someone, I'll groom
them
and I'll pick stuff of.
- That's what monkeys do,
innit?
- Exactly.
You know go back to like primaeval
times and that's flirting.
- Nadia was saying that flirting
is like,
"Oh, little bit of."
- That's not flirting,
it's clothes maintenance.
- As long as he says nice
things, so that,
do you know what I mean?
- No but this is the thing,
I can't take compliments can I?
- True.
- So if he starts complimenting
me,
I'll probably start crying or
something,
and I can't cry on a date.
- I think it's gonna go
well, positive thinking.
Come on, come on!
- Positive thinking,
Positivity!
- Positive, yeah.
Positivity.
- Positivity.
- Yeah, it'll be good.
It's good to know Alex
is just around the corner
so if I need her, I can ring her
and get out of this bloody date.
- Jack's back at
the agency and for some reason
he's got sunglasses on
in the pissing rain.
- Hello, it's Jack.
- Hello.
- Hello, how are
you doing darling?
- It's a Blues Brother.
- Long time no see.
How you doing, you all right?
- Yes.
- What's going on?
You okay?
- Do you know all you need do
is laugh, it's like Uncle
Albert?
- Uncle Albert?
- I'd know you straight away.
You know Mary Poppins on the
ceiling?
- Mary Poppins?
Are you into musicals, Tom?
- Hi Eden, I've got Jack here.
- Is it all right to go up?
- Yeah absolutely, do.
- Gotta leave you now darling.
- I shall be bereft.
♪ Goodbye my friend
Can't wait to see Eden and Nadia
again
to talk to her about the date.
I thought I done all
right and I think Marlene
had a bit of a sick time
as well, so can't wait.
So how have you guys
been, you been all right?
- Good, excited to talk to you.
- Bet you can't wait.
- Genuinely.
Honestly, no, I can't.
I'm excited to hear how it went.
- Yeah, awesome, amazing.
- Date number one.
- I know.
- Smooth, Jack, real smooth.
- How in general
did the date flow?
- Brought up some great
conversations.
brought up "Pokemon Go".
I pulled a chair out for her.
I've never really done
that on a date before,
pulled out a chair.
So, yeah, I thought I'd done all
right.
- Over in Essex,
Joey is off down the pub
dishing the dirt on his
dating disasters to his dad.
- I love my dad, he's
basically my best mate
and he's the one I go to at
all times for every reason.
The first one was nice, her name
was Flo
and the conversation flowed
nicely.
It was like we was both getting
on,
but she started burping
in my face and all that.
We're seating here,
burp in my face.
- Oh no!
- I had to get up,
I thought I was gonna
have to call first aid.
- I'm so sorry.
- That's cringy.
And then I went on a date with
this girl
the other day, right and
I just didn't fancy her.
I don't know, anything you wanna
ask me?
- And you've got to go
and meet another one tonight?
- Yeah, but then they showed
me a picture of this girl
and to be quite brutally
honest, I don't fancy her.
- Oh Joe, look, you're
going on a blind date,
you've got to see what happens
ain't you?
- It's like a
scene from "EastEnders".
- It's not even about the looks,
it's literally, if you
obviously like a girl
so you're attracted because
they're pretty
and then you get to the
know the personality
and then it all works and it all
bonds.
But I'm not even finding none of
it.
- Well you will, Joe,
you're putting down on it
before you even get there.
- I totally
agree with him, Joey,
mainly because he looks well
hard.
At the agency, Nadia has
some home truths for Jack.
- Well her feedback.
She would give you an eight.
- Very nice.
That's good, I like that, that's
all cool.
- And she commented that
you were very down to earth.
- Awesome.
- And you had a lot more
substance than she expected.
- Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome, I like that,
that's really nice of her.
If there had been anything
negative,
I would have changed my verdict.
- Wasn't all 100% positive.
- Oh here we go, we started off
good,
now we're getting the bad.
- Well there's just a couple of
things
that we wanna speak to you
about.
- Okay, cool.
- He picked his tooth with a
knife.
- I didn't have a toothpick at
the time.
What's wrong with that?
It's got to be done.
- The feedback we've got from
her
is that there was no romance,
there was no flirting.
Do you think you want
to see Marlene again?
- She's a nice girl.
- She does feel that she was
friend-zoned.
- Oh, okay.
I'll explain to her and we
can talk about what she likes
and then I can pick up them tips
and in the least awkward way,
you know?
"Oh, so you know last
time, you might think that
"I was friend zoning."
- All right Jack, spit it out.
- "But I was just a bit nervous
and I was a bit insecure
"'cause you're a really
beautiful girl but."
- Oh, Jack!
If you talk as much on your
dates as you do in here,
I can see where your problem
lies.
- "What kind of things do you
like
"for someone to do to you?"
That's how I would kind of say
it.
Does that sound okay?
- Sounds like you've
got it all worked out, mate.
- Well mixer time,
that's the next on the agenda.
- Big night.
- Big night.
We will be there, like you said.
You're not gonna just be left to
go in and fend for yourself.
We'll be there to help,
so you can come and speak
to us and ask us anything.
- After setting Jack straight,
he heads off to prepare
for his first ever mixer.
- See you later, Thomas.
- Peace, that man.
- Bye!
- Bye-bye.
- Back at the pub,
Joey's dad has some words of
wisdom on how to meet girls.
- You imagine when I was young,
all you done was met a
girl in a pub or a bar
and arranged to meet them again.
There was none of this was
there?
I suppose there was blind dates,
but I've never been on one.
- Well I went on one the other
day
and it didn't work out at all.
She kept rolling her
eyes at me, this girl.
She kept going like, going
like rolling her eyes.
And they were saying because.
They was going, "Oh,
maybe 'cause her hair was in her face."
I went, "No, it was not because
there was hair in her face."
- I don't know, you're going
night anyway,
you've just got to go and
enjoy yourself, ain't you?
- I feel like I'm quite a
picky person with girls.
- That's all right.
- That's all right innit?
- What's wrong with that?
- I ain't.
'Course I am.
Listen, you've got to
enjoy yourself, mate.
Just go along and see what
happens
and meet someone and be happy
really.
That's all, that's the
most important thing isn't?
Just be happy.
- Fresh from a
pep talk with best mate Alex,
Paisley's about to meet her
date, Thales,
who has already revealed he's a
big fan.
- Do you fancy her?
- Definitely, yeah,
I think she's beautiful.
- Definitely.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
- Let's hope
it's third time lucky
for our tattoo fixer.
- I'm Thales, I'm a technical
analyst.
So I'm a nerd, an IT guy.
- I have never been this
nervous.
One more bad experience could
put me off dating for life.
- I'm very much a person
that would like to
wine and dine a girl.
I've not had much luck up
to this point unfortunately.
I'm hoping to find love.
- Come on, Paisley,
keep your head in the game.
- Hello.
- Hi!
- You all right, babe, these are
for you.
- Shut up.
- What?
- Thank you.
- You're welcome, nice to meet
you.
I'm Thales.
- Nice to meet you.
Thales?
- Yeah.
So please sit.
- I'm gonna crawl round.
Oh my god, you got me flowers!
They're well cute!
- Yeah.
- I've never had flowers off a
guy before.
This is a good sign.
Maybe he's an actual gentleman.
- How are you?
- Nervous.
- Why nervous?
- Dating makes me nervous.
- Well you look beautiful so.
- Thank you.
- Did it take
you long to get here?
- No.
- No?
- I was at the pub,
up the road with my friend.
- Yeah.
- We're just chilling.
And she was like--
- Is that the pep talk
before the date?
- Yeah.
- Like girl to girl talk.
- He's really cute!
I just don't wanna get my hopes
up though
'cause of what happened before.
Here's a little secret, right.
The dating agency have told me
that
flirting is like picking fluff.
So if you've got something on
you,
I've gotta pick the fluff off or
whatever.
- Do I have some fluff on me?
- No, you don't, this is the
thing.
Am I meant to pretend
that there's fluff there?
- I've got holes there.
You can kind of be like
"Oh, there's something
wrong with your shirt."
- If you had fluff, I probably
would pick the fluff off you.
But you don't have any fluff.
Oh my God, I know my nerves
are getting the better of me
when I just keep chatting and
chatting.
- Someone who
doesn't suffer with such nerves,
Joey Essex.
- This girl tonight, I'm gonna
know by first impressions.
Wallop innit?
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba!
Straight in there.
Let's get with the girl, what?
Hopefully she's just dressed
nice,
probably a bit dressed down,
you know just casual like me.
Look what I'm wearing?
I'm wearing jeans with rips
in them, a T-shirt, jacket
and some skating trainers.
Standard.
Trying too hard is too much.
If you try too hard in
life, it doesn't work.
Do less.
It's a true saying.
I don't know the exact
saying but let's just say,
try too hard, how can I work
this out?
- Your guess is as good as mine.
So Joey's en route to his date
but Paisley's is in full swing
and looks like it's going pretty
well.
- Right so, what do you do?
- I work in a bank in the City.
IT, it's just me being
a nerd really.
- Are you a bit of a nerd?
- Yeah, I got to say, I'm
self confessed, sorry.
Bit of a nerd.
- What's the nerdiest
thing you've ever done?
- The nerdiest thing I've ever
done?
Probably a hackathon.
- A what-a-thon?
- Hang on a minute.
What the fuck is a hackathon?
- So basically
you're given a bit of code
and you have to de-code it
within a certain amount of time
and make sure that it's
all up and running.
It is really nerdy isn't it?
I apologise.
- You're given a bit of codes?
- Yeah.
- Which is what, just
letters and numbers?
- It sounds so exciting right?
- Just letters and numbers,
yeah?
- Yeah.
- And then you have to what?
- De-code it so that it works.
- What is he talking about?
And you do that for fun?
- I guess so, yeah.
- Right.
- I don't know if we're
on the same page here.
- I don't think we are.
- Oh Thales, mate,
don't talk about coding on a
first date.
Delete, delete!
- What's happening geez, sweet.
- With low expectations
but some sound advice from his
old man,
Joey arrives for his date with
Rebecca.
- I need something to liven this
date up
because at this moment in time
I am not feeling this girl.
Is there any such thing
as strip ping-pong?
- If I had to date one of the
celebrities from the show,
it would definitely have to be
Joey.
He's definitely the best
looking, I love his dress sense,
I love how he comes across.
- Hello, you all right?
How are you?
Rebecca?
- Yes.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Joey, you okay?
Yeah, you ever been here before?
- I haven't, no.
- No, nor have I.
I don't really know what I'm
doing but.
Shall we go down, do
you wanna go down, yeah?
What was that photo about at the
agency?
Oh my god, she's a sort.
She's a weapon.
Yeah, what are you saying?
- Would you ever
knowingly date a 19-year-old?
- I mean, I normally look for
like older.
- Experiencing new things
is a good thing though.
Like, you never know.
- She's well posh and
I like a bit of posh.
- I think we need a dare sort of
thing.
- Oh the fine art of date dares.
- Go on then, hit me with a
dare.
- I don't know what to say.
- Ah, could you do like 30
press-ups?
- Yeah if you wanted me to,
yeah.
- 50?
- I'll easily do that.
- 50 press-ups?
No slack?
Three, four.
- Nothing to
see here, just Joey Essex
doing press-ups in a
ping-pong pub restaurant.
- 28.
48, 49, 50.
Well done!
- I might have made that look
easy but, who cares.
- I'm seriously impressed.
- So basically if I win this,
you've gotta kiss me on the
cheek.
Or was you gonna kiss
me on the cheek anyway?
- Smooth, Joey, real smooth.
- Might as well, it's a dare
innit?
Oh, that was nearly on
the lips.
- Easy!
- That was so
close on the lips, man.
- That was not.
- All right.
- Our celebs have been dating.
Charlotte's was a storm in a
picnic and didn't go too well.
- To be honest, I think
it's been a let down.
You said I'm a slag.
This dating malarkey is
harder than it looks.
- Paisley's got
a lovely bunch of flowers.
- You got me flowers!
- While Joey's planning on
taking things up a notch.
- A shot?
Ah!
Oh, you're not having one?
- No.
- Are you hot?
- No, are you?
Boiling in here.
- Maybe you're just anxious.
- Maybe I'm just really scared
now.
I'm getting all hot and
flustered around you.
- Maybe, because I'm totally
fine.
After you!
- Go for it, go
for it, go for it, yes!
Oh, she's only done it.
- I think someone likes Becky!
Play it cool, Joseph.
- Imagine if I was like this.
Would you like me if I
was like this on you?
- It's quite like domineering.
- Oh you would like it, you'd
be like yeah you're the boss?
- Yeah.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Yes, I love that.
She is the definition of a salty
potato.
- I don't care
what you do to your potatoes,
I don't wanna hear about it.
- We can swap
places now because I just feel
a little bit sorry for you.
- Yeah, yeah, I think so.
I think it's about time
the agency put me on a date
with a girl I actually like.
Like a girl that I actually
go "Wow, she's fit."
- Back at the restaurant,
Thales has just admitted
he's a bit of a geek,
which didn't go down
too well with Paisley.
He's tryna pull it back.
Come on, Thales!
- There was one time when I was
younger
and I was with my cousins
and we all used to take turns
getting in the sleeping bag,
and then we would push each
other about.
I think there was one time.
There was one time we started
farting.
- You are disgusting!
- I'm guessing
that's one of those stories
you have to be there for,
Thales, yeah?
- At the end of the story,
I was like "Oh no, this isn't
"a good one to tell."
- No, that's funny!
I'm happy you told that one
instead.
- Why?
- 'Cause it's funny.
- Come on, Paisley,
farting in a sleeping bag story?
- I know I'm not exactly
romantic but he's been real.
I love that.
It's making me feel much more
relaxed.
- Probably wasn't the
best one to start with.
- No, I think that's really
really funny,
like you farting in a sleeping
bag.
Honestly that is probably the
best story
you could have told me.
- Why?
- Because you're just so normal.
I hate it when people try and
impress you.
- I actually need to go toilet.
- Okay.
- So as Thales
heads to the toilet
to think of some better
anecdotes,
Paisley calls her emergency
contact and best friend, Alex,
for a quick catch-up.
- We're at some restaurant,
yeah.
He got me flowers, Alex!
He got me flowers, like pink
roses.
- Things are going
well for Paisley, and Joey.
- So like I was like.--
- Oh.
- Someone actually showed me
a Snapchat of you in Ibiza.
"Becks, look at this," and I
was like, "Yeah, he's okay.
"He's all right."
Do you not just think that you
should be
settled down right now?
- Imagine that.
I've only just bought an house,
so imagine all little kids
running about.
Like little mini Joeys and that.
Mini Joeys and Beckys?
Hmm, they could be cute, yeah.
- So like do you like date girls
often?
- Most girls I date are like
models
or any of them, I don't know.
But that's just life I suppose.
- It is.
- You have relationships when
you grow up,
you're in and out of them all
the time
and sometimes it works,
sometimes it don't.
Hopefully one day you
meet someone you like,
you know what I mean?
Yeah, I really like her.
I think I'm not the one to mess
about.
I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna say
it.
So are we gonna go out and have
a date?
- If you want too.
What are you doing this evening?
- I've got to go back to Essex
tonight
and then this mixer thing.
- I'm going too.
- What?
- Going too.
I'm so nervous for it.
- Yeah, but I'm there.
- Well, yeah I know, but then
there's
loads of like girls there as
well.
- Obviously on the sly one,
me and you can just like talk.
I'm game.
Sparred on that one, yeah.
- More than.
- Just goes to show Joey,
you shouldn't judge a book by
a photo given to you by a dating
agency.
- I don't know where she's
from, she was bare posh.
- I'm not posh, like I'm from
Sussex.
I'm from Horsham.
- She's like, "No." Do
you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
I go, "No."
They go, "No, no.
"No."
- Elocution
lessons from Joey Essex.
I've seen it all now.
- He kind of said all the right
things
and like what I would
want from like a guy.
- If I had my tick list, I'd
have been ticking bare boxes.
I'd have been ba, ba, ba, ba,
ba.
- Mwah.
- Swag, okay, talk, okay,
personality, okay, fit.
What else you want?
- I am looking forward
to seeing Joey again.
- got myself a posh bird,
what are you saying?
- I think you should go
on at least three dates
before you kiss.
- Oh, what an old romantic.
Back at Paisley's dinner date,
Thales is keen to find out
more about her background.
- Can you dance?
- I've got loads of moves.
- Really?
- Listen!
- No, not even joking.
I was like a professional dancer
from the age of about seven.
So yeah, I can dance very
well, thank you very much.
- What about salsa?
- Salsa? Salsa's fun.
- Can you teach me?
- Can I teach you?
- Yeah.
- I can try.
- I've got a little
bit of rhythm going on.
- That was funny.
I'm not really good at reading
situations,
but was that him just
asking me on another date?
I mean I wouldn't mind if he
did, I'd be well up for that.
Am I how you expected I would
be?
- Obviously, I
think you're beautiful.
- Oh my God, no one's ever
called me beautiful before,
except my mom.
- I'm interested to see how
this girl is in real life.
If she's mellowed out?
If she's gonna be a different
person from who she is on TV?
- Okay.
- I think you're the same,
you're the same person as
you portray yourself on TV.
I think that's good.
It's really, really good.
- It's going really well,
I'm gonna try what Nadia taught
me.
Do you wanna pick my fluff?
Oh my God!
You're supposed to say yes.
- Of course I wanna
pick your fluff.
- Finally someone who I feel
like is a decent person.
Thank you for dinner!
- No problem, babes, my
pleasure.
You've been--
- And my flowers.
- Top-rate company.
- And good company.
- And good company.
Paisley's an amazing girl.
I couldn't think of anyone
better to be on a first date with
because we like bubbled
and it just went naturally.
- Did I fancy Thales?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my God, it's raining.
- Aw, don't worry about it.
Got my coat, do you want it?
- Yeah, you've got to put it
over my head like a nun though.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't believe this.
Go for it.
You all right, you safe?
- You wanna come to the pub?
- Yeah, of course.
- Right, let's go.
- Carry on!
- Paisley's love life.
I feel like we might have
an inkling of a love life,
whereas before it was just
non-existent.
So now we've got a hint.
- Aw, look, he's a proper gent.
He's not tongued the shit out of
anyone.
I think he's a keeper, Pais.
- Really?
- Next week.
- If the celebs thought
week one was tough.
- Look at this!
- Week two's gonna be harder.
- Would it matter to you if I
had a penis?
- Oh, for fuck's sake!
- I'm gonna go away now.
- Tougher.
- I think maybe you should just
go.
I can't get my heart broken
again.
- And cringier.
- What is your favourite
sandwich filler?
- You have the
best bitch face, I love it.
- What am I doing wrong?
- He has a six pack but
also looks like shit.
- Get down and give me 20.
- Don't really think our tongues
touched.
- I just feel a little bit
uncomfortable, if I'm honest.
- Completely clashing with us.
- Fuck you guys.
- That's dating.