iZombie (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 6 - The Scratchmaker - full transcript

Previously on iZombie...

You tell your boss that Freylich
brains equals zombie cures,

and suddenly, these
poor kids will be hunted.

This is the hub
of Renegade's operation.

We have five zombie kids here
who need tutoring.

Yes, I'm in.

Graham Moss,
I hear you work for Renegade.

You work for us now.

Al Bronson, Bluster Magazine.

I'm gonna need an extension
on the DeBeers profile.

I told you.
Blaine killed Baracus!



That means
he also stole my cures.

What do you mean,
no brains shipped?

It's because of the story.

Ten thousand zombies

depend on the brains Blaine
delivers into the city.

Let's just admit it.

We've all got
a little monster in us.

Excuse me, hon.

Excuse me.

Sidecar.
Give it some extra kick.

You got proof of ID?

Funny. A sense of humor.
You need fashion sense.

Owner or just work here?

Kinda both.
It's complicated.



You're employed.

And yet, despite all that,
let me guess... Single.

How can you tell?

It's my job.
I'm a matchmaker.

Some of my handiwork.

So which way?
Boys or girls?

What?

So, girls. Okay, as I see.

I think I have
the perfect one for you.

- One what?
- The perfect girl for you.

Excuse me.
Mr. Eberhard,

this is my son's
wedding reception and...

Just a second. Uh, perfect for
me, how do you even know?

Intuition, experience.
It's my job.

- If you're interested.
- So... So what, I just call you and...

- Mr. Eberhard!
- What?

It's my son's wedding reception

and there are people
picketing outside.

The owner's had some bad
press recently, so...

That Blaine DeBeers
sounds like a monster.

Is he a monster?

Am I a monster?

Maybe I've crossed a few lines.

But does that make me a monster?

Here's the situation.

Shipments of brains into
Seattle have stopped.

We have supplies for three days.

I need you tell me
the details of your operation

so we can get
the brains moving again.

You make these charges disappear
and get me out of here,

and I'll have brain operations
back up in a day.

Because I can't take it.

The rec room TV is just repeating
the edited-for-television version

of Snakes on a Plane.

You're toxic.

If I let you out,
people will riot in the streets.

Well, I guess we're all
screwed, monkey fighter.

You see?

Samuel I. Jackson just doesn't
work edited for TV.

Without monsters, what would
people even talk about?

The case of Carol Barbera,

the murdered matchmaker
these two are working on?

Seen it.

But if you insist...

So, did Major fill you in
on the whole Blaine business?

Good riddance, I say.

Living the high life off
the cures he stole from us.

I say, let him rot.

What? Don't tell me
you don't savor the idea

of Blaine DeBeers spending some well-earned
time in an unflattering jumpsuit.

I can deal with Blaine
living the high life

as long as he kept
this city from coming apart.

So, check it out.

That red button
found at the scene...

- Not hers.
- Not hers?

Interesting.

No, it's not.
We all know the drill.

You eat the brain.
Find clues. Blah, blah, blah.

Case closed.
But this isn't her story.

It's mine.

So, what's it like being
the most hated man in Seattle?

I don't know. I haven't
talked to A-Rod in a while.

So this is all a joke to you.

- Not a very funny one.
- Well, this is a waste of time.

We'll have a warrant for
his house within 24 hours.

- Then he'll talk.
- About what?

My green-in-green coffee table?

Or my Warhol Polaroids?

How about the mask your
journalist printed pictures of?

It's the same one
I saw in a vision.

I know you killed the mayor.

Aren't you a little...
fertilized to be having visions?

Shut up. Don't speak.

You know the drill.
Lawyer is here. You're out.

Great talk, gang.

- We all learned something.
- Okay.

Fun fact.

No one in the history of
the criminal justice system

has ever gotten off as
a result of a witticism.

Or zinger. Don't. Speak.

I've reviewed your case.

And from a legal angle,
I've seen worse.

From a PR angle, I haven't.

I'm gonna need to do some fancy
filing to see if I could swing bail.

In the meantime, what do you do?

- Speak?
- Don't speak.

I do have to get a message
to an associate though.

Oh, well, let me check.

- I'm pretty sure it's legal.
- No, I meant your retainer. Did the check clear?

Yeah, you can tell me.

"365 degrees."

That's the message.

You sure he's gonna get it?

Oh, yeah.

My guy's as sharp as a tack.

Like, I don't know what you're
talking about. I just work here.

You're Blaine's right-hand man.

I have a hard time believing you
don't know how his system works.

I just do what he says.
It's brain's Blaines, man.

Or... You know what I mean.

Look, I'd love to help.
But...

Okay, look.

I'm gonna leave
this contract for you.

Same deal we had with Blaine.
It's a good deal.

And a chance to step up.
Be a hero.

Well, I have to ask Blaine
because it's Blaine's...

Brains?

Yeah. Got it.

Gentlemen.

Let's make a deal.

Stacey Boss.

Stacey Boss.
Thought you were dead.

I was close.

You have no idea how hot a Bangladeshi
summer is in a three-piece suit.

- You've been hiding in Bangladesh?
- Hiding?

Working.

Bangladesh, Sudan, Ukraine...

Anywhere there's brains,
I've been.

That... That's how it works.

I procure, Don E distributes.

Blaine does jack.

I'd be willing to solve your
little problem right here and now.

We cut Blaine out,

Don E and I handle
the brains ourselves.

Everybody's happy.
Except Blaine.

The catch being?

A slight cost adjustment.
Say, double what you're paying Blaine?

We don't have the budget.
I can't agree to that.

I get it.
Budgets are stubborn things.

But let me just say this.

When zombies start tearing
humans limb from limb,

my price is not likely
to have come down.

Taken under advisement.

So what do you think?

I think I wish you had told me
about all this in advance.

Sorry. But the pitch
demanded a dramatic entrance.

Are you in?

I don't know.
Cutting Blaine out...

You do all the work
and reap no reward.

If the roles were reversed,
would Blaine be as loyal to you?

But I don't know
if Major's bluffing.

I mean, Blaine had a good deal.

They don't have the budget?

You play poker, Don E?

- Not really.
- We got a winning hand.

When you got a winning hand,
you don't fold.

Fun crowd outside.

Next time,
use the back entrance.

No, there shouldn't be
a next time.

I'm here on behalf of
my client Blaine DeBeers.

Tanner, where've you been?
Where's the booze?

I can't run a bar with just
vermouth and this melon crap.

He wouldn't let me take it.

He says his payment
didn't go through.

What? Why didn't you just
use the business card?

I tried.
None of them worked.

- Get on the phone. Call the bank.
- Don't bother.

I've seen this before.

They've frozen Blaine's assets.

So he just gave you this.

"365 degrees."

What?

365 degrees.
I hope it means something to you

because he just used up
his retainer.

Oh.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, okay. I got it.

- Got it?
- Yeah.

Don E.

We need to ask you some questions about
the death of a Mrs. Carol Barbera.

Hey. Free advice.
Don't speak.

Murdered.

The matchmaker.
She was murdered.

Can you believe it?

She's trying to make
people happy,

ends up thrown off a balcony.

Did you meet Mrs. Barbera?

I poured her a drink.

She told me that she had
my perfect match.

You're in her brain!

Please tell me
you remember the name.

When... When she told me,
I dropped a glass.

Come on. Have a vision.

Nothing? Come on!

Was... Was there anything else
you noticed that night?

She did have an argument
with Candy.

At one point.
She's in the back.

I'd knock first.

I... I understand, General.

But...

The situation here
is truly dire.

I can't state it
any more bluntly.

We'll be out of brains
in 48 hours.

After that, zombies might
turn on the living.

Some might try
to scale the wall.

I know that you think
that this is our problem.

But it could end up being
all of our problem.

Thank you, uh, Major.

We'll discuss it
and get back to you later.

Or sooner, if you can.

I don't see why they haven't just
taken care of these things already.

Maybe 'cause it's not that easy to go
next door and murder your neighbor.

And we're talking about the lives
of thousands of innocent humans.

Hostages.

We do still have brain stockpiled
from before we cut them off.

General Mills, that sounds
surprisingly temperate.

I believe "nuke 'em all"
was your previous position.

It's just... I figure...

It could buy us some time.
I mean...

I hear there's progress
on the CDC end.

All right. So, Glenn is now
willing to buy some time.

All right. Moving on...

Next item.

I have good news and bad news.

Good news.
I could use some good news.

I'll start with the bad news.

Your assets are frozen.
You are unable to pay my fee.

Come on, man.

You know I'm good for it.

I don't.

The good news is, I have
an in with your judge.

So, if I play ball
and I go the extra mile,

I think I can get you off
this whole thing.

If you're able to pay
my retainer.

Okay.

I guess I gotta make some calls.

Come on.
You made your call.

But I can call
whomever you'd like.

Money. What money?

I don't have any money.

Do you know how much I make?

Tell him I do know.

I was obviously talking about
the club account rainy day fund.

He means the rainy day fund.

Yeah, it's on fumes.

All right? We...
We don't have any customers.

Our vendors
are demanding cash up front.

Tell him there's a red bag behind
the panel under the Hefeweizen tap.

There's a bag under
the Hefeweizen tap.

Should be 50 grand in there.

My client says
there's 50 grand in there.

There's 40 grand.

Fifty.

Don E.

Could you loan me $10,000?

- He wants you to loan him...
- $10,000?

Blaine, man.
I'm not exactly rolling in dough.

Damn it, Don E.
Just give me the money!

He just wants you to
get him the money.

Okay, fine. I'll get it.

Okay. What the hell is this?

Oh, no.

My beautiful, beautiful home.

So I'll just be adding destroying
evidence to the charges?

And why is that?

I'm the most hated man
in Seattle.

Why wouldn't my house
get torched?

You tweeted Seattle has two days

until brain supplies run out.

How do you back up your claim?

The blue collar workers in that
plant are my friends and neighbors.

And they told me,
no more brains.

Officials at the plant
did not respond for comment.

Back to you.

So, Commander. The joint chiefs
called when you were out.

Finally. Ellen,
let's call back the joint chiefs.

Actually, sir.
They, uh, left a message.

Basically, since it's the official
position of the US government

that Fillmore Graves
is a terrorist operation,

- they do not...
- So, no.

Yes... No.

Oh, and, uh...

Looks like Blaine DeBeers
made bail.

House is in my
ex-stepdad's name.

So no one will trace you here.

You can hang
as long as you want.

That should be zero minutes.

This makes me miss jail.

Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.

It's private.
You got the TV...

The couch...

I spent some pretty good
times down here.

I'm sure you did.

Where you are right now,

me and Pam Haggler watched
the One Tree Hill from here...

- And I lost my V...
- Ah, if you continue,

the scream I utter
will shatter the universe.

Okay, fine. I'm going
to The Scratching Post.

I am on a yacht to Ibiza.

Blake Lively's hitching a ride.

We share a nice, crisp Grunier.

You must be Don's friend.

All right, so...
Give her the rundown.

And just keep in mind,
if she doesn't pass,

your boyfriend washes up
in the lake.

Okay.

So, they're toughest with
stuff they can double check.

Names, dates, addresses...

Stuff like that.

You'll need to
have that down pat.

It's down. That it?
Just questions?

If you pass the interview,

they'll say you're in,
then do a group toast.

But the shot they give you
is laced with ghost pepper.

You'll need to react,
to prove you're human.

That it?

Yeah, that's it.

I appreciate the warning,
Commander Lillywhite,

but I really don't need
protective custody.

Yes. I'm aware of
what kind of man Blaine is.

Yeah, I'll be fine.
Thank you. Bye-bye.

My ears were burning right up.

What do you want?

What do I want?

You always did cut right
to the chase, didn't you?

Okay.

I wanna scare you.

Yeah. I've killed people.
Your story was correct.

Hell, I'm probably gonna
kill you, too.

Not now. But soon.

I just wanted you to know,

so you could spend whatever
time you do have left

in fear knowing it's coming.

You've really pissed me off.

'Cause I showed people
who you really are.

Yeah, it was gonna happen.

Did you really think this whole
charming rascal act would work forever?

- It worked on you.
- It worked on me?

No. I worked on you, dummy.

You sad daddy's boys
are all the same.

You're so gullible.

- You don't know me.
- Sure, I do.

You're another two-bit
homicidal thug

who thinks he's unique
because deep down,

you're special and you're different
and you deserve admiration.

Like... From Peyton Charles.

The great love of your life.

You know what she called you?

Her greatest embarrassment.

You are a goon, Blaine.
That's all.

Just an average,
run of the mill...

I can see the headline now.

"Child killer shot dead."

They would throw me a parade.

You can show yourself out.

Okay, hold it right there!

You really gotta
work on that, Don E.

You were holding a gun right at
me and I wasn't scared at all.

What are you doing here?

Trying to solve
my liquidity crisis.

I need that list of bidders
from our zombie cure auction

as we still got
a few cures left.

Okay. Now we're talkin'.

By the way, have you seen
Lieutenant Bozzio lately?

Yeah, I do my best
to steer clear.

- She scares me a little.
- Yeah, well. She's pregnant.

- Did you know that?
- How does a zombie end up pregnant?

I assume in the normal way.

Just not as a zombie.

I read this article about this kid
who died of some rare brain disease,

which made her brain
a zombie cure,

and it got me thinking that...

Found it.

Okay, we need to contact
all the runner-up bids,

and we should be flush
again by lunch.

Whoo!

You get the stuff from the safe?

Tanner took care of it.

Tanner, bring in the stuff
from the house!

God, you sent Tanner?

I was being tailed.
It wasn't safe.

Tanner is capable.

Here it is!

Cleaned out the safe just like you said.
Cash, IDs...

Just give me the bag.

Sorry if some of the pages
are wrinkled and stuff.

Where are my cures, Tanner?

Four syringes in a Ziploc bag!

Oh. So, I'm going back
over the bridge,

cops pulled me over.

I got two strikes.
I can't get caught with drugs.

So I ditched them.

You... You ditched...
You ditched them?

I tossed 'em off the bridge.

Don't worry.
They won't find 'em.

Strike three, monkey fighter!

You were supposed
to handle this!

So you take care of that!

You did this, Don E!

You did.

Of all the things
I miss about the first world,

high quality bourbon
isn't the least.

You still consider it
the first world?

You raise a good point.

But hey, at least
our hand remains strong.

With that crazy fish lady
stirring the pot,

it's just a matter of time
before Fillmore Graves folds.

- So, how old is...
- Get your feet off my desk.

You gonna tell me whose blood
that is on your shirt?

Just a friend.

Oh, man. What I wouldn't give
to go back to the old days.

Yeah.

The cops were cheap,
and the racketeering was easy.

When the Utopium wasn't cut
down to basically pancake mix.

The stuff Beanpole Bob
made? Que bella!

The Da Vinci of the drug trade.

Beanpole Bob.

I forgot about that guy.

Whatever happened
to that weirdo?

Ah, the usual story.

Got into this own supply,
fried his brain.

Hey, kid.

I respect your loyalty
to Blaine,

but there is serious money
on the table here.

- And if we...
- Screw Blaine.

I'm in.

U-Dub Law.
So where did you live then?

Studio in Eastlake off Edgar.

Stayed when I started as a public
defender 'cause I made zilch.

You do realize you'd be
putting your life at risk

to break the law
if you joined our cause.

I get that.

I mean, I love the law.

But I just wanted to make a real
difference in something bigger.

And Graham says
you met in high school?

Uh, no. No, we met
at his school.

I volunteer there.

I love kids.

You want kids
of your own someday?

Uh, yeah. I... I guess.
Yeah, someday.

Hmm. I sensed that.

Anyone in your life now?

Uh, no, not at the moment.

Because you're "focused
on your career."

No, that's just what
you tell people

because you don't wanna settle.

You have standards.

Don't worry. We will help you
find someone who meets them.

Should we maybe focus
less on her love life

and more on, say, her
qualifications as a coyote.

Are they exclusive?

Little known fact.
Urban coyotes mate for life.

So might this guy, thanks to me.

Oh, you are not taking credit
for me and Peyton.

You tried to keep us apart.

So that you would have to
fight to be together.

All part of my plan.

So, um...

Is the interview over?

Did she pass or what?

With flying colors.

Let's make it official.

We call this a coyote baptism.

Oh, my.

Hey, what's...
What's this hospitality?

The doctor needs
his medicine, too, yeah?

Um, we have only
four glasses, so...

Ah.

I think it's best you steer
clear of the hard stuff, Doctor.

Thanks, Mum.

But I can handle the hard stuff
better than you Yankee lot.

If you say so.

To Riley.

And now you've passed.
Just had to be sure.

Brain distribution issues with our new
supplier are being resolved as we speak.

Until we're back up
to full speed,

we ask that you do ration
the brain tubes you have.

Lillywhite's assurances come
amid ongoing concerns

about Seattle's brain supply.

CHICS leader, Dolly Durkins,
stood by her own claims.

They're running out.

And when they run dry,

the zombies are gonna
come after us.

Surplus stores and gun retailers
are reporting record sales,

and police reports of robbed
graves have skyrocketed.

Looks like the alarmist view
is carrying the day so far.

Things'll calm down once we
get the brains flowing again.

Yeah, speaking of...

Transcript from our bug
in The Scratching Post.

Boss and Don E have cut
DeBeers out of the operation.

Has Seattle finally
reached the end

of its tenuous
zombie-human peace?

Hello, kiddo.

Uncle Stacey!

- I didn't know
you were in town.

And I come bearing gifts.

The brain of a Tibetan monk
said to have reached nirvana.

But a humble token of my gratitude
for clearing Blaine off the board.

Please, it was my pleasure
to eviscerate the douchebag.

Is the plan going okay?

Flawlessly. Fillmore Graves
is about to fold,

I sign a contract,
resume the brain flow,

all that's left is
us counting our money.

Hi, can I help...

- you.
- Hi.

Cute shirt. Does it say on
the back what zombies get?

Or is it the same
dead fish idea?

We don't serve your kind here.

Oh, but if I shut you down
for discrimination,

you won't get to do any more of
those fun little TV interviews.

$9.50.

Excellent service.

Uh! Keep the change.

All good, boys.
They do serve zombies here.

Anyone hungry?

Mmm!

You think you and your jack-booted
thugs can obstruct my business?

You brain-eating,
undead abominations.

Geez, Mom.

Just chill out.

You gave up the right to call me
that when you became one of them.

You've been holding out
on me, Murphy.

Dolly Durkins is your mother?

Not anymore, I guess.

- Wow.
- If I may speak freely, sir.

Don't underestimate her.

She really hates zombies.

Are you mad?

Major's got a bit much
on his plate

for you to set him up
on a blind date,

and you barely know Riley.

I know she's perfect for him.

Smart, compassionate,
wants to make the world better,

loves children,
and, let's be honest,

she's not too tough on the eyes.

She does sound perfect.

If only there were
a zombie version of her.

Ugh, I know.
But, let's not forget,

Major has a proven willingness
to go without sex for love.

The willingness to do what?

Oh, Major.

Do you want to meet a new friend of mine?
She's a lawyer.

- Matchmaker brain?
- Yup.

Nailed it.
Hey, it's addressed to you.

- Ooh!
- I have a picture of her.

Uh, Liv, I appreciate
the thought,

but unless this girl can get
a massive quantity of brains

into the city overnight,
I think I'll pass.

I'd put a ring on it if she
had some tainted Utopium.

- Peyton would understand.
- That reminds me...

Does the name "Beanpole Bob"
mean anything to you?

No, why?

The name came up
in an intel file.

The Da Vinci of Utopium,
apparently.

Uh, I can ask Clive.

See if he knows a Beanpole
from his vice days.

Night-vision goggles?

Because the CDC can find any trace of
tainted Utopium in the vial I sent,

I had the idea to sneak
into Blaine's mansion

and steal back my cure with the
assistance of a cat burglar brain

and a pair of...

Night-vision goggles.

You know I command
a para-military force, right?

I could've gotten you
those for free.

They're only 800 bucks.

And with UFreightEze
select membership,

you can get literally anything
delivered to your doorstep

in under 24 hours.

I wanna help this city in
any way I can, Mr. Lillywhite,

but this sounds like
it's beyond even me.

It might sound like it,
Mr. Griss, but...

See, we've disassociated
with Blaine DeBeers,

and our alternate brain
supplier is too difficult.

Well, I get it.
You need a supplier.

But here's the problem
as I see it.

I have no clue how to get
thousands of brains.

We'll get you a TV in a day,

but our deliveries have the
advantage of being legal.

I'm not a smuggler.

I wouldn't know where to begin.

What if I told you
none of that mattered?

Whoo!

This place is deader
than we are.

Can I give the girls
the night off?

You see? That's the problem with your
generation, there's no work ethic.

How old are you exactly?

Old enough to know there's
always a market in vice.

We just need a fresh start.

Or a makeover.

You know what my idea for a
zombie brothel name would be?

Hmm?

Cold Cocks.

Why, because of all the fights?

What?

Oh, great.

Look, I told you what I know,

and if you're not here to tell me my
dream girl's name, then who cares.

Actually, we need to
talk to her.

- Um, yeah.
- What about me?

Oh! There you go!

- What did you see?
- It was this skull.

I saw a tattoo.
A small tasteful skull right here.

Tattoos? I love tattoos.
What... What about a name?

Did you see her name?

That's it.

Now.

She's got a tattoo.

You recognize
this coat, Mrs. Schwartz?

No, I don't.

Caring Light has cameras
at their drop-off centers.

We have you on tape
dropping it off.

Look, I told you.
I was at the movies with Mavis Janning,

who left ten minutes into the show
to meet her lover Bernard Selkin.

Mutual alibis. Mrs. Schwartz,
did you kill Carol Barbera?

She set up my son with a zombie.

Now hold that thought.

Wow.

Hey, you okay?

Yeah, yeah, it's just...

You know...

Carrying a human being

and all of its associated
gestation materials inside me...

Sometimes,
it's a bit uncomfortable.

- But it's not a big deal.
- Woman, please. I got you.

Let me take you home.

Maybe we stop off at the OB
on the way just to check?

Man, thank you.
But I'm fine.

- And...
- Hey.

I said I got you.

I heard.

Sounded kind of dorky both
times if we're being honest.

- I got you.
- I stand corrected.

Extremely dorky.

You wanna hear the rest or...

Oh.

Go ahead. Write it down.

It's been three days.
They gotta be out of brains by now.

When's Major gonna
throw his hand in?

Patience, my boy.
Any minute now.

Hey.

Have you guys seen
these billboards?

Candy.
Men are talking business.

Sure. I just thought
you'd wanna see this first.

- I'm no poker player, but it looks like...
- we're screwed?

And UFreightEze will handle both
the supply chain and shipping.

Which is of course,
their specialty.

I'll give you this, Lillywhite.

You got moxie.

But we both know

Ty Griss can't handle
this volume of brains.

Well...

He doesn't have your network of
third world hospitals to plunder,

but he's going heavily
into western healthcare.

And he's including a brain
donor card in every package.

There's millions of customers
a day getting a direct appeal

from one of the world's
greatest philanthropists.

And he'll do it all for 90% of
our original deal with Blaine.

So...

- Unless you've got a better...
- We'll do 80%.

Is that an official offer?

It is.

Hmm.

The billboards stay up.

We need a new face
on the brain business.

I'll let the brain plant know to
expect your next delivery tonight.

That's all.

♪ Gotta know
when to hold 'em ♪

♪ Know when to fold 'em ♪

What are you doing here?

Better question...

What is nobody else doing here?

We're open, aren't we?

Then why am I pouring
my own drinks?

This used to be Tanner's shift.

Business has been under-booming

since your big
grey profile came out.

We're trying some new ideas.

Which explains that.

I... I had to do something.

It's our only remaining
source of income.

Speaking of which, I don't
think it's good for business

if people see you
hanging around here.

So maybe you can hang
in the back with the girls,

or in the office
or you use the...

You just said, "our only
remaining source of income"?

You mean besides the brain smuggling
which represents the bulk of our profits...

But I mean we're out of
the brain business.

Please tell me
you're not serious.

If you can tell me that you didn't let
that reporter work you like a rented mule.

They got a new supplier.
It's that billionaire UFreightEze guy.

There's billboards
all over town.

Why'd you have to keep the mask?

You may be out of the brain biz.

Wow.

How did you get in here?

And... How long have you been
standing there?

You left the door unlocked.

I came in around the time the,
uh, riding crop came into play.

- Mmm.
- I won't keep you long.

I just need a contract drawn up.

I can't pay you right now, but I will
make you a quo worth your quid pro.

Counselor Stone.

I need you back in my chambers.

And bring defense exhibit D.

Oh.

I'll be in in a second.

You Honor.

You really do go
the extra mile, don't you?

All right. What contract
do you need?

Hi. Are you Darcy Bennett?

I am.

You got a minute?

Can you run to the dining hall

and steal me a pack
of instant ramen?

I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.

You're here about
my Freylich brain, I assume.

I take it I'm not the first
interested party to reach out.

So what's your best
offer so far?

One guy promised 50 grand
to my family when I'm gone.

I see.

How does half a million sound?

Cash up front.

Once my client meets you and signs
off, the money's yours.

In exchange for ownership
of your brain

after your tragic,
yet inevitable demise.

Hmm. So, what?

You were gonna keep
this all a secret?

The big office,
the Lieutenant's chair?

Acting Lieutenant.

Just till Dale's back
on her feet.

How is the LT mom-to-be?

She's good, baby's good,

but she's on bed rest for the
duration just as a precaution.

Well, she can't be too happy about
that, but baby comes first.

Look at you...

Right at home.

Born to be Lieutenant.

Babineaux.

You need anything else, Liv?

Mmm. A raise wouldn't hurt.

No.

- Can I have a gun?
- No.

- Ooh, how about a squad car?
- No.

- Diplomatic immunity?
- No.

Can I have a...

Mr. DeBeers.

I didn't expect
results so quickly.

However...

This was not our arrangement.

I bought a postmortem brain,
not the pre-mortem human attached to it.

That's why they say
to read the fine print.

You bought a Freylich brain
upon the death of its owner.

I'm sure she'll kick
the bucket any day now.

Or not.

I could consider expediting the
process for a non-nominal fee.

Or... I'd be happy to extend
this offer to the next bidder.

Okay, I can wait.

It's a deal.

I'll wire the money now.

So am I a monster?

Maybe I am.

Because sometimes,
they just don't leave me any choice.