iZombie (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 4 - Wag the Tongue Slowly - full transcript
Clive's patience is tested when Liv consumes the brain of a murder victim who had the reputation of being the ultimate office gossip. Meanwhile, Blaine and Peyton continue to grow closer as...
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Previously on izombie...
All three victims
shot in the head.
They were killed because
they were zombies.
Seattle pd.
I'm not the only one who knew
I had brain eaters
living next door.
See? Message board.
I promised Natalie I'd be the first
thing she saw when she defrosted.
I need to find her before
things go south for me.
- How long do I have?
- Weeks.
I've developed a serum
that could potentially undo
the memory loss that accompanies
the second zombie cure.
The way we left things,
I didn't think you...
Don't!
So, doc. How's my ticker?
Deafening.
Well, you don't appear poised to
shuffle off this mortal coil.
That makes one of us.
The bad news is,
all the memories you lost
when you took the cure
that turned you
from a zombie back to human?
None of them were restored by
the serum you took yesterday.
That's not the worst bad news,
from where I sit.
Granted.
But as you know,
my other zombie patients
would prefer
to keep their memories.
So, how long before we know for
sure whether the serum works?
Could be a few days.
Now, if you wake up
Saturday morning
and there's still been
no change,
I'd be confident the serum
is completely ineffective.
And completely non-lethal.
All right.
I'm setting this
for 6:00 A.M. Saturday.
- I'll let you know asap.
- Noon will be fine.
Meantime,
you should find someone
to keep an eye on you.
In case things take
a sudden turn for the worse.
Morning, boys.
- Any old memories yet?
- Not yet.
It's still too soon.
Hey, thanks for coming out
to the show last night.
And for only yelling "freebird!"
Like, a dozen times.
Yeah, nice set.
Too bad this 24-hour party
person couldn't make it.
Next time, doc.
Rough night, playa?
Please keep your rebuke
to a dull roar.
I'll let god be your judge.
But let's review the facts,
shall we?
First, you tell Peyton
that you're in love with her,
leaving her confused
and speechless,
and then you take home
your old boss
for a drunken hate-bonk.
And when Peyton shows up to say that she's
ready to take a chance on pavi or rayton
or whatever it is that you two
would call yourselves,
you kiss her,
while your latest conquest is
in the next room.
Not good.
I know.
Also,
I believe god is a woman,
so, you're really screwed.
Did you hear about yolanda's
on-site with Dr. klein?
I heard she sold him a dozen
cad/cam intraoral scanners.
Honestly? From what I heard
about how yolanda closed,
teeth aren't the only thing
that Dr. klein likes to drill.
Hey, you kids hear the latest
on Rolf's green card?
- Did it finally get approved?
- I doubt it.
You know how Rolf's been telling
everybody that he's Austrian?
Well, it turns out
his grandfather was German.
Very German.
Make sure the camera
gets your good side.
And save an everything
for Felicia.
She's off her
gluten-free diet... again.
D'you know how Ron got his limp?
I didn't even know
he had a limp, Cheryl.
Then you're gonna
love this. Supposedly...
Don't panic, people!
Come with me if you wanna live!
Come on!
That fire alarm is
probably gonna be
the most exciting thing
that happens today.
Unless Earl comes by
to pick up my quarterlies.
Felicia!
- You're so bad!
- Yeah!
Tell you what else I'd like
to have Earl pick up.
Cheryl?
Swear to god, Cheryl.
My feelings about Earl
do not leave this room.
You hear me?
Cheryl?
Seriously, jan.
Get it together.
Imagine being found like
that on the office toilet.
One more reason to telecommute.
Victim's name is Cheryl Warren.
Single, age 39.
Top salesperson at dentelco,
the northwest's leading
dental equipment supplier.
Lab results show her death was caused
by yogurt spiked with utopium,
which reacted to deadly effect with
Cheryl's prescription anti-depressants.
Well, no suicide note,
and she'd just booked
a vacation to Hawaii.
Could be what we're looking at here
is an office prank gone wrong.
Someone slipped utopium
in her yogurt as a joke?
A security cam picked up Cheryl
removing the sealed
yogurt container
from the office fridge
at 11:09 A.M.
Witnesses say she walked
straight to her desk
and started eating the yogurt.
But the tox results show
that the utopium-laced yogurt
that killed her
was ingested
a full 30 minutes after.
She took a half an hour
to eat a yogurt?
Well, she was interrupted
by an unscheduled fire alarm.
Triggered at 11:13 by
a pull-box on the fifth floor,
where Cheryl and the other
sales associates worked.
Employees exited the building,
remaining outside
until the all-clear, at 11:38.
So, working theory?
A fifth-floor coworker pulled
the fire alarm as a diversion?
Right.
Then spiked Cheryl's yogurt
when everyone else
had cleared out.
I'll start bringing in
all the fifth-floor employees.
I'll eat Cheryl brain.
I'll wait for you to go Willy
loman and depress me further.
Or sell me a spit sink.
You know the old saying,
"a watched pot never boils,"
until its contents
reach a temperature
at which the vapor pressure
of the liquid
is equal to the pressure
exerted on the liquid
by the surrounding atmosphere.
It still doesn't seem real.
Fillmore-graves has got
my unit on call.
In the next few days, our
boots could be on the ground
halfway around the world.
I should go in your place.
I've got nothing else
to live for.
Your inhaler?
I think it's time.
Yeah.
Hey, Liv,
are you still at the morgue?
These 17 syringes constitute the
world's entire supply of the cure.
Side effects may include
complete and total memory loss.
It won't be long
before you have an episode
too severe
for that inhaler to help.
You keep it somewhere
you can get to it.
What's up with you?
You look like the zombie
who ate the canary's brain.
It's just...
Blaine and Peyton.
I saw them duck into the alley
last night after his set.
No.
They were out there
for quite a while.
Doing what?
You tell me.
Hey.
I was just thinking about you.
Well, that can't be the best
use of taxpayer dollars.
I was doing it pro bono.
What's up?
I was just wondering...
What are you doing between
now and Saturday morning?
Here's the latest
on the tuttle-Reid murders.
I printed all
the zombie-related comments
from that online message board.
Here's your half.
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
What do you think Cavanaugh and
devore are talking about in there?
Probably the same thing we are,
the tuttle-Reid murders.
We need to
go through these asap.
Anybody who's been
on that message board
would have reason
to believe that...
Wally's family were zombies,
and would have known
where the family lived.
Look for any comments that
seem particularly murderous.
Babineaux.
Okay, dentelco's
head of hr is here.
You ready to get into this?
You're sure that's what they're
talking about in there?
Then what's with devore
wearing a padded bra today?
What the hell is up with you?
The thing you should know
right off the top,
Cheryl was a huge gossip.
There it is.
Just the worst,
god rest her soul.
An absolute nightmare.
If she wasn't such
a tremendous salesperson,
we would have let her go
long ago.
But those big ears
and loose lips of hers
caused all kinds of trouble.
Such as?
Complaints from other sales
associates, which I had to document.
Reprimands from hr,
which I had to write.
Could we take a look at those?
Sure.
It's all in here.
Come to momma.
Jim Davies,
in sales at dentelco
for seven years.
And you worked in the cubicle
right next to Cheryl for...
- The past five.
- Must've been tough.
Especially when she spread
the word about your affair.
With a dental hygienist
named Todd.
Thanks to Cheryl's gossiping,
your wife found out about Todd,
then divorced you and took
your kids to Virginia beach.
His ex moved to Virginia.
She's with the FBI.
But I wasn't mad at Cheryl.
Actually relieved
to be done living a lie.
Still, your desk puts you
in the perfect spot
to doctor Cheryl's yogurt
during the hubbub,
just after the fire alarm
went off.
I was the first one
out the door,
and the first to make it
to the gathering spot.
I'm sure your coworkers
can confirm that.
Did you happen to notice who was
last to the gathering spot?
- Pretty sure it was Pete.
- Ooh.
Pete!
Pete aboud...
We hear you were the last one out of
the building after the fire alarm.
I was on the phone.
A sales call.
- So, you weren't in the kitchen stealing food?
- No.
I guess you stopped doing that
after Cheryl complained so much
about her food being stolen
that hr installed
a kitchen security cam.
The one that caught you
in flagrante yogurt-o.
That all started when I ate
one string-cheese of Cheryl's
a couple of years ago.
Honest mistake.
But she made
such a big deal about it
that I just kept
stealing her food.
Tell me about this sales call.
My numbers were down.
It would've been huge.
This bluebird calls from this
new dental group in Portland
looking to buy a dozen chairs
with all the trimmings.
We keep talking 10, 15
minutes after the alarm.
She's ready to pull the trigger.
Then, all of a sudden, she
gets a case of gelato feet.
"Let-a me
run this-a by my-a boss."
- She was Italian?
- Sounded like it.
This bluebird have a name?
Georgina galleano,
at burnside dental associates
in Portland.
I'll have a uni run this down.
Cavanaugh is dressing nicer.
You think he's been working out?
Hack, slash, hack, slash.
I mean, really,
what's the point?
Come on.
The point is
to use your wraith abilities
to exact revenge
on the forces of Sauron.
In the larger sense.
In a world absent
meaning and justice.
In a world where Peyton,
in front of you and Liv
and my own eyes,
actually defended Blaine
for not wanting to take
the memory serum.
Who is it from?
Blaine.
He got a brain order
from Osborne oates.
That's the guy who bought Natalie
out of the basement of Max rager.
He's back in town.
Hey...
You wanna come help me
stake out his place?
Just look for Natalie?
I hate sex slavery
as much as anyone,
but I don't feel like going
out in public at the moment.
Ravi, it's a stakeout,
all right?
We'll hunker down in my car.
You don't even
have to wear pants.
Why not?
I've got nothing else
to live for.
And we know you're good
at waiting in cars.
Vicky Ernst...
It says here that
our victim, Cheryl,
outed you for abusing
company sick-leave policy.
Sometimes, my boss
makes personal calls
on our office phone to england.
It also says here that Cheryl's
tattling cost you a big promotion.
More promotions, more problems.
Am I right?
All right, here's a problem.
So far, no one's been
able to place you
after that fire alarm went off.
Did you pull it, Vicky?
It's okay. You can tell me.
When the alarm went off,
I was in the bathroom. Alone.
I came out and I saw Jim
running for the stairs.
- He yelled for me to follow.
- So, Jim could vouch for you?
That's right. We went right downstairs
and out to the gathering spot.
Rhonda saw us.
She was already there.
That's Rhonda... Diaz?
You're saying she wasn't in the
office when the alarm went off?
Maybe Rhonda had
a better place to be.
I was at the coffee shop.
The one three blocks
west of the office.
- Any way to confirm that?
- Yep.
I paid with my phone.
I have the receipt right here.
11:02 charge.
I heard the fire alarm go off when I
was walking back into the building.
So, you went to the gathering spot.
Who'd you see there?
Jim and Vicky. They got
there before anyone else.
Um...
I'm afraid I have to ask,
Rhonda,
on the matter of motive.
We...
Um...
We know Cheryl found out
that you had formerly
worked as a, um...
How should I put this?
Porn star.
Once she learned
about your former career,
Cheryl e-mailed your...
Filmography to your coworkers.
Yep.
That's the kind of gal she was.
So, you were
understandably angry.
With a body like this,
you think it's the first time
I've had to deal with a hostile
workplace environment?
There are, like, 80 movies here.
How long did you work
in the porn business?
Five months.
We need to get
Pete back in here.
What's this
Osborne oates do anyway?
He's in the diamond biz.
A bond villain.
Good.
You think Natalie is
somewhere in there?
He's got a wife and kids.
I doubt he'd have
his mistress living here.
I figure Natalie's
in a second location
which Mr. oates is gonna
lead us to.
All we have to do is affix this
GPS tracking device to his car.
The one parked behind
those massive gates?
Dude, don't pitch problems,
all right?
You're the brainy sidekick.
The guy with answers
as sharp as his wit is dry.
Peyton, I have been dying
to talk to you.
You should've seen ravi
at work today.
Hungover. Mopey.
Still hasn't showered
by the looks of it.
Not to mention the smell of it.
Ravi can eat a bag of...
I didn't realize
you had company.
Company with cocktails.
Old fashioned?
The drink, not the concept
of a manservant.
I can make another.
Sure.
Ravi said someone should keep an eye
on Blaine in case he starts to...
- You know...
- Die.
Yeah, that.
I offered up our couch
for a few nights.
I hope that's okay.
- Okay.
- I don't wanna impose.
I will be out of here at dawn's
early light on Saturday.
Hey.
Go time.
Then go already.
Did I really need to be awake
for this part?
There's that dry wit.
Damn it. We're losing him.
"We?"
I told you to drive faster.
Get out.
Both of you.
Over here. Now!
Grab some hood!
Major lilywhite.
If we ever see you again,
I'm gonna kill you
with this gun.
- Got it?
- Got it. Loud and clear.
Now he's got it.
You look awfully pleased
for a man
who just got kicked
in the kidneys.
What on earth were you...
God. The tracking device.
- I slipped it in his pocket.
- Are you mental?
- He just threatened to kill you!
- If...
they see me again.
We'll just have to make sure
they don't.
Listen to me, major. You're
not responsible for Natalie.
- I made a promise.
- Well, of course you did.
She was gonna kill herself.
But now, you're the one
acting suicidal.
You're not galahad
questing for the holy grail.
You're don quixote
tilting at windmills.
These guys are zombies.
They know
how to eliminate zombies.
You're right.
I'll stay away.
Let's get out of here.
Victim's spleen appears
abnormally enlarged.
You know what else
appears abnormal?
The way Peyton and Blaine
were acting last night.
Very chummy as they watched
the usual suspects,
and that is the last thing
that I will say about that.
The loveliest trick of the devil
is to persuade you
he doesn't exist.
Five hundred and eighty grams.
Okay, one more thing...
So, remember how Pete "the
string-cheese thief" aboud
told us he was on the phone to
his bluebird Georgina galleano,
at burnside dental associates
in Portland
when Cheryl's yogurt was laced?
Yeah.
Well, turns out the only
non-fiction part of that sentence
is "Portland."
Burnside dental associates,
not a real thing.
Georgina galleano,
not a real person.
Interesting.
Glad you think so.
On this thumb drive,
one month's worth
of recorded sales calls.
I'll review them. Find out
whether someone called Pete,
or if he made up
his whole alibi.
Boy.
Another binder?
Well, it turns out
Pete and the other salespeople
use company cell phones.
So we have access to
all those calls and texts.
For you.
I will juice you like
an orange, my friend.
Meanwhile, I'm still only
halfway through my half
of the zombie-haters
message board.
No sex. No intrigue.
Just "zombies bad.
Blah, blah, blah, blah."
Liv.
Listen.
I found Pete's mystery call.
I like the ergo-matic's
price point, Pete.
And here's the fire alarm...
Come with me if you wanna live!
Georgina, can I call you
back in a few minutes?
I thought you cared about
me and my business, Pete.
- I do, Georgina, but...
- Good.
So, do you think there's any
wiggle room on the price?
Does it sound like
Georgina is in on it?
Like she's trying
to keep Pete on the phone?
And I just found
something weird.
A text from Cheryl-outed-me,
blew-up-my-marriage Jim
to Cheryl-caught-me-
abusing-sick-days Vicky.
The minute
before the alarm went off.
Let's bring 'em in.
Ask 'em what that's about.
What am I looking at here?
That binder contains
all the texts
sent on dentelco phones
this month.
The one we've circled is
one you received from Jim.
Okay.
Jim and I text a lot.
It came in one minute before
the fire alarm was pulled.
The entire text is a single exclamation
point. What was that about?
You said you were
in a bathroom at the time.
You know, that's just
this thing me and Jim do.
We send each other
an exclamation point
when we see something funny.
I read a lot of texts between you
and Jim over the past few weeks,
but this was
the first exclamation point.
You sure this wasn't a signal?
Just one question, Jim.
The exclamation point you texted
Vicky, what was that about?
Um...
That must've been a butt dial.
I'm still trying
to piece together
exactly what went down
with Jim and Vicky.
Those two were up to something.
That's for sure.
I like them for pulling
the fire alarm
and slipping Cheryl the utopium,
but I can't figure
how they could've done that
and been the first ones
to leave the building.
My.
You will not believe
what I'm looking at.
Rhonda was in pornos!
I kid you not.
No!
I suppose I could put you
on retainer, Mr. racy.
But I would prefer you put me
on your very large...
Clive! I just had a vision!
Let me double-check something
and I'll call you right back.
We need to find
a Rhonda hardbody porno
where she plays a private
eye's sexy Italian client.
Why not?
I've got nothing better to do.
It's one of the movies
on this list.
Focus on the crime thrillers.
So, ignore remakes
of classics, such as
the magnificent seven-way,
bone-hur...
No doubt part of the criterion
hard-core collection.
If you're not up to it...
I'll muddle through.
You see,
I believe in justice, Liv.
I always thought
I'd go for cremation.
But this ain't so bad.
What if I tortured animals
as a kid?
Um...
They say a lot of killers
do that when they're kids.
I'm sure you didn't.
What if my memory comes back,
and I just see stuff that I'm
unequipped to deal with?
That's not the Blaine I know.
You can't just assume the worst.
Yeah, well, the Blaine
you knew killed people.
Okay, and behavior like that
just doesn't
come out of the blue.
A few of those people probably
begged for their lives.
Maybe you'll find
some good memories in there.
People you loved
who loved you back.
You've taken the warped tour, Peyton.
You met my dad.
You got an inkling of what
my childhood was like.
You get what you're hoping for,
and I'll get back
all the memories
that led me to becoming
a murdering brain-dealer.
Or, maybe...
Maybe your memories come back,
but you stay this new and
improved version of Blaine.
A boy can hope.
Okay, next thing we need to do
is pound these breasts.
What did that poor chicken
ever do to you?
It crossed the road. And me.
Now it's payback time.
Hey, you two.
What's happening?
Chicken cordon bleu,
that's what.
Wanna get in on it?
We bought enough pour toi.
In that case, merci.
But first, I must visit
your salle de bain.
So, is he remembering stuff?
Still nothing.
You realize if he doesn't get something
soon, I'm gonna stay like this
and the major we know
will disappear.
I know.
I hope so.
Starting to wonder if you've lost
sight of the big picture here.
What do you two want to show me?
Rhonda in the role
of lady effamia duro,
looking for her husband's
killer, in the hard-boiled,
triple-x thriller,
hump me deadly.
Does she play it
with an Italian accent?
And then some.
I found it after going
through her porn-noirs.
The all-tease phallus...
Farewell, my lusty...
- Dial "m" for moisture...
- Okay, I get it.
Sorry for making you watch
all those.
A welcome diversion.
I may have become
Rhonda hardbody's biggest fan.
And here's
Georgina's sales call.
I like the ergo-matic's
price point, Pete,
but how does it compare
feature-wise
to the royal brougham?
And here's lady effamia.
Right.
I suppose I could put you
on retainer, Mr. racy.
But I would prefer you put me
on your very large desk.
The voices match.
Yeah. If she didn't show up
in your records,
she was probably
using a burner phone.
Does this mean you'll be
bringing Rhonda back in again?
Would asking for an autograph
be out of bounds?
Who doesn't look guilty here?
We need blueprints
for the building.
It wasn't easy
to crack this one...
until I took a look
at the dentelco floor plans.
You all had solid alibis.
Rhonda, you were out of the
office on a coffee run.
Jim, you were leading everyone
to the gathering spot
and getting there first.
Vicky, you were in the
bathroom, then with Jim.
But we finally figured out
how the prank went down.
Starting with Cheryl making it
to her desk with her yogurt.
Jim clocks her opening the foil.
That would've been key
to make this plan work.
He sends Vicky
the exclamation point text.
A signal for you
to pull the fire alarm.
That's the cue for Jim
to act like a hero.
Don't panic, people!
Come with me if you wanna live!
Come on!
Cheryl sets down her yogurt
and follows her coworkers
to the stairs.
Meanwhile, Jim's with Vicky
in the women's bathroom,
waiting for the coast to clear,
as Rhonda, on her coffee run...
Using her dental equipment savvy
and her sexy Italian accent...
Sets up Pete to take the fall.
His numbers were down.
You figured
he needed a sale so bad,
he'd stay on the phone
if his desk were on fire.
While you, Rhonda,
distract Pete...
Jim slips the utopium
in Cheryl's yogurt...
Hoping to send her
on a little trip
that will make her
the butt of office gossip.
Jim then joins Vicky
in the freight elevator,
the little feature I found
when I checked the blueprints.
And which still operates even
after an alarm has been pulled.
Which enables them to race to the
gathering spot ahead of the others
making their way down
five flights of steps,
and be vouched for by you,
who resented Cheryl
for outing your porn career.
Who wanted to get back at Cheryl
for torpedoing your promotion.
Who wanted payback
for her ruining your marriage.
Now, if you wanna see
more of your kids,
maybe you wanna make a deal
on a manslaughter rap.
If so, I advise you
to step right up.
I only need one of you
to confirm the facts.
Or maybe you'll all decide
to stick to your story.
In which case, you'd
better hope we don't find
some new evidence that ups
the charge to murder one.
We thought it would be funny
to take Cheryl down a peg.
None of us imagined
she would die.
We were all in on it.
Vicky recruited me and Rhonda
after a team-building seminar.
Rhonda got the utopium.
That bitch Cheryl
screwed up our lives.
We thought we'd give her
a taste of her own medicine.
Now, we're gonna
spend years in prison.
She managed to screw us even
worse from beyond the grave.
Just wait till I tell Felicia
in hr.
Excuse me, sir?
Sir!
Sir!
Sir!
My god, major.
Sir, can you come with me?
Why did you come here?
Sir, I'm gonna
have to call security.
To save you?
What the hell are you doing?
We need to get you outta here before
your benefactor's muscle shows up.
And where do you propose I go?
Okay, I know a place. It's an
organized group of zombies.
They can protect you from
oates and provide you brains.
You don't get it, major.
Seattle doesn't work.
This man, he will hunt me down.
So, unless your group of
zombies has offices
in Sri Lanka or the
amalfi coast, I can't go.
- I can't walk away and leave you here.
- I agree.
You can't walk away.
You need to run.
You have no idea what he'll do
to you if he finds you here.
I have a pretty good idea.
Don't worry,
I'll figure a way out of this.
- Some day.
- I left you once.
I'm not gonna leave you again.
Okay, you need to go. Now!
Here, let me give you this.
What is it?
It'll turn you human again.
Look, you won't need brains
anymore.
You can go anywhere
you've ever dreamed of.
I... I'll be human again?
That's wonderful, major.
My god!
After a couple of days,
the memories of your life
and your loved ones,
they'll all start to fade.
Eventually, you won't remember
anyone or anything.
You'll be starting life
as a new person.
Please go, major.
So, tomorrow morning
you'll be in the clear.
Ravi says if I'm gonna get back any
memories, it'll happen by then.
I'm sorry.
I want Liv and major
to be human again.
I think I've kinda gotten used
to them being zombies.
But I'm not the one
who has to eat brains.
Hey,
I get it.
I know.
Which is why I'm so friggin'
attracted to this...
This version of you.
But what if we wake up
tomorrow morning
and that other Blaine is back?
I've been thinking about that
a lot and... I don't know.
Yeah. Me, neither.
What I do know is,
if this is my last night
to spend with this Blaine...
I don't wanna waste it.
Me, neither.
Okay...
Okay, okay, okay, okay...
Okay, okay, okay, okay...
All right, all right, all right.
So, here's the thing, and I
can't believe I'm saying this,
I really, really can't,
but, um...
Do you think
maybe we should wait?
Yeah.
Yeah, we should.
No, we definitely should.
If we do anything and tomorrow
you're a different guy?
Yeah, the old guy?
The guy that would
never suggest we wait?
Yeah. If you're him tomorrow,
I'm gonna hate myself.
I would, too.
Except I'd be him.
So, I wouldn't.
All right, people, kevlar up!
This is not a drill!
This is the real deal!
With real bullets!
So, let's make sure they
do not leave you real dead!
I found an interesting post
from a zombie-hater.
And I'm finding
my share of those, too.
Harley Johns.
His online signature links
to a local gun range.
Check it out.
We're just in time for their
zombie apocalypse special.
Am I dreaming, or is there a
beautiful woman watching over me?
Sorry.
I couldn't sleep.
I guess if I was dreaming,
you'd be holding coffee.
So? What's the word?
Nothing.
I'm sorry about what this
means for your friends.
I'll start on that coffee.
How do you take...
Excuse me, Mr. Johns?
Mr. Johns!
I thought I smelled something.
Right on, white power.
I'm Dr. Moore, with
the medical examiner's office.
And I'm detective babineaux,
spd homicide.
Hey, be my guest.
It's a bit more weapon
than you're used to,
the sight's a little off,
but you seem like a big boy...
Not bad.
Sight seems fine.
We had a few questions about
something you posted online.
"Online." Online where?
You see,
my interests run the gamut
from full-auto
firearm conversions
to the sovereign
citizen movement.
This was a message board
where someone claimed to live
next door to a family of...
Zombies.
It included a helpful map
to their house.
The family was murdered,
you know.
Yeah, I heard about that.
The day before,
you posted that you were
"itching to put some bullets
to good use,"
"perforating
a brain-eater's skull."
Well, it is on my bucket list.
However, at the time
of the incident in question,
I was with my family.
Klan rally?
We prefer the term "picnic."
Listen, I don't know if those
dead folks were zombies or not,
but I do know this...
Zombies are real.
They exist right here
in Seattle,
right under our noses.
What makes you say that?
My brother Dave showed me
a photo of a zombie.
It was gnarly.
Like him. You know,
just without all the holes.
Can we see the photo?
Sorry.
My bro took it to the grave.
This good man was killed
by zombies.
The official story is, he died
in the Max rager massacre.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thanks for your help.
That was the lab technician
whose severed arm we used
to access
the Max rager basement.
I know.
It means this Harley character
is no ordinary nut-job.
He knows there are zombies.
Hey!
If I ever run into their kind,
what I do about it
won't be your concern.
Why's that?
'Cause you can't murder
what ain't alive.
---
Previously on izombie...
All three victims
shot in the head.
They were killed because
they were zombies.
Seattle pd.
I'm not the only one who knew
I had brain eaters
living next door.
See? Message board.
I promised Natalie I'd be the first
thing she saw when she defrosted.
I need to find her before
things go south for me.
- How long do I have?
- Weeks.
I've developed a serum
that could potentially undo
the memory loss that accompanies
the second zombie cure.
The way we left things,
I didn't think you...
Don't!
So, doc. How's my ticker?
Deafening.
Well, you don't appear poised to
shuffle off this mortal coil.
That makes one of us.
The bad news is,
all the memories you lost
when you took the cure
that turned you
from a zombie back to human?
None of them were restored by
the serum you took yesterday.
That's not the worst bad news,
from where I sit.
Granted.
But as you know,
my other zombie patients
would prefer
to keep their memories.
So, how long before we know for
sure whether the serum works?
Could be a few days.
Now, if you wake up
Saturday morning
and there's still been
no change,
I'd be confident the serum
is completely ineffective.
And completely non-lethal.
All right.
I'm setting this
for 6:00 A.M. Saturday.
- I'll let you know asap.
- Noon will be fine.
Meantime,
you should find someone
to keep an eye on you.
In case things take
a sudden turn for the worse.
Morning, boys.
- Any old memories yet?
- Not yet.
It's still too soon.
Hey, thanks for coming out
to the show last night.
And for only yelling "freebird!"
Like, a dozen times.
Yeah, nice set.
Too bad this 24-hour party
person couldn't make it.
Next time, doc.
Rough night, playa?
Please keep your rebuke
to a dull roar.
I'll let god be your judge.
But let's review the facts,
shall we?
First, you tell Peyton
that you're in love with her,
leaving her confused
and speechless,
and then you take home
your old boss
for a drunken hate-bonk.
And when Peyton shows up to say that she's
ready to take a chance on pavi or rayton
or whatever it is that you two
would call yourselves,
you kiss her,
while your latest conquest is
in the next room.
Not good.
I know.
Also,
I believe god is a woman,
so, you're really screwed.
Did you hear about yolanda's
on-site with Dr. klein?
I heard she sold him a dozen
cad/cam intraoral scanners.
Honestly? From what I heard
about how yolanda closed,
teeth aren't the only thing
that Dr. klein likes to drill.
Hey, you kids hear the latest
on Rolf's green card?
- Did it finally get approved?
- I doubt it.
You know how Rolf's been telling
everybody that he's Austrian?
Well, it turns out
his grandfather was German.
Very German.
Make sure the camera
gets your good side.
And save an everything
for Felicia.
She's off her
gluten-free diet... again.
D'you know how Ron got his limp?
I didn't even know
he had a limp, Cheryl.
Then you're gonna
love this. Supposedly...
Don't panic, people!
Come with me if you wanna live!
Come on!
That fire alarm is
probably gonna be
the most exciting thing
that happens today.
Unless Earl comes by
to pick up my quarterlies.
Felicia!
- You're so bad!
- Yeah!
Tell you what else I'd like
to have Earl pick up.
Cheryl?
Swear to god, Cheryl.
My feelings about Earl
do not leave this room.
You hear me?
Cheryl?
Seriously, jan.
Get it together.
Imagine being found like
that on the office toilet.
One more reason to telecommute.
Victim's name is Cheryl Warren.
Single, age 39.
Top salesperson at dentelco,
the northwest's leading
dental equipment supplier.
Lab results show her death was caused
by yogurt spiked with utopium,
which reacted to deadly effect with
Cheryl's prescription anti-depressants.
Well, no suicide note,
and she'd just booked
a vacation to Hawaii.
Could be what we're looking at here
is an office prank gone wrong.
Someone slipped utopium
in her yogurt as a joke?
A security cam picked up Cheryl
removing the sealed
yogurt container
from the office fridge
at 11:09 A.M.
Witnesses say she walked
straight to her desk
and started eating the yogurt.
But the tox results show
that the utopium-laced yogurt
that killed her
was ingested
a full 30 minutes after.
She took a half an hour
to eat a yogurt?
Well, she was interrupted
by an unscheduled fire alarm.
Triggered at 11:13 by
a pull-box on the fifth floor,
where Cheryl and the other
sales associates worked.
Employees exited the building,
remaining outside
until the all-clear, at 11:38.
So, working theory?
A fifth-floor coworker pulled
the fire alarm as a diversion?
Right.
Then spiked Cheryl's yogurt
when everyone else
had cleared out.
I'll start bringing in
all the fifth-floor employees.
I'll eat Cheryl brain.
I'll wait for you to go Willy
loman and depress me further.
Or sell me a spit sink.
You know the old saying,
"a watched pot never boils,"
until its contents
reach a temperature
at which the vapor pressure
of the liquid
is equal to the pressure
exerted on the liquid
by the surrounding atmosphere.
It still doesn't seem real.
Fillmore-graves has got
my unit on call.
In the next few days, our
boots could be on the ground
halfway around the world.
I should go in your place.
I've got nothing else
to live for.
Your inhaler?
I think it's time.
Yeah.
Hey, Liv,
are you still at the morgue?
These 17 syringes constitute the
world's entire supply of the cure.
Side effects may include
complete and total memory loss.
It won't be long
before you have an episode
too severe
for that inhaler to help.
You keep it somewhere
you can get to it.
What's up with you?
You look like the zombie
who ate the canary's brain.
It's just...
Blaine and Peyton.
I saw them duck into the alley
last night after his set.
No.
They were out there
for quite a while.
Doing what?
You tell me.
Hey.
I was just thinking about you.
Well, that can't be the best
use of taxpayer dollars.
I was doing it pro bono.
What's up?
I was just wondering...
What are you doing between
now and Saturday morning?
Here's the latest
on the tuttle-Reid murders.
I printed all
the zombie-related comments
from that online message board.
Here's your half.
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
What do you think Cavanaugh and
devore are talking about in there?
Probably the same thing we are,
the tuttle-Reid murders.
We need to
go through these asap.
Anybody who's been
on that message board
would have reason
to believe that...
Wally's family were zombies,
and would have known
where the family lived.
Look for any comments that
seem particularly murderous.
Babineaux.
Okay, dentelco's
head of hr is here.
You ready to get into this?
You're sure that's what they're
talking about in there?
Then what's with devore
wearing a padded bra today?
What the hell is up with you?
The thing you should know
right off the top,
Cheryl was a huge gossip.
There it is.
Just the worst,
god rest her soul.
An absolute nightmare.
If she wasn't such
a tremendous salesperson,
we would have let her go
long ago.
But those big ears
and loose lips of hers
caused all kinds of trouble.
Such as?
Complaints from other sales
associates, which I had to document.
Reprimands from hr,
which I had to write.
Could we take a look at those?
Sure.
It's all in here.
Come to momma.
Jim Davies,
in sales at dentelco
for seven years.
And you worked in the cubicle
right next to Cheryl for...
- The past five.
- Must've been tough.
Especially when she spread
the word about your affair.
With a dental hygienist
named Todd.
Thanks to Cheryl's gossiping,
your wife found out about Todd,
then divorced you and took
your kids to Virginia beach.
His ex moved to Virginia.
She's with the FBI.
But I wasn't mad at Cheryl.
Actually relieved
to be done living a lie.
Still, your desk puts you
in the perfect spot
to doctor Cheryl's yogurt
during the hubbub,
just after the fire alarm
went off.
I was the first one
out the door,
and the first to make it
to the gathering spot.
I'm sure your coworkers
can confirm that.
Did you happen to notice who was
last to the gathering spot?
- Pretty sure it was Pete.
- Ooh.
Pete!
Pete aboud...
We hear you were the last one out of
the building after the fire alarm.
I was on the phone.
A sales call.
- So, you weren't in the kitchen stealing food?
- No.
I guess you stopped doing that
after Cheryl complained so much
about her food being stolen
that hr installed
a kitchen security cam.
The one that caught you
in flagrante yogurt-o.
That all started when I ate
one string-cheese of Cheryl's
a couple of years ago.
Honest mistake.
But she made
such a big deal about it
that I just kept
stealing her food.
Tell me about this sales call.
My numbers were down.
It would've been huge.
This bluebird calls from this
new dental group in Portland
looking to buy a dozen chairs
with all the trimmings.
We keep talking 10, 15
minutes after the alarm.
She's ready to pull the trigger.
Then, all of a sudden, she
gets a case of gelato feet.
"Let-a me
run this-a by my-a boss."
- She was Italian?
- Sounded like it.
This bluebird have a name?
Georgina galleano,
at burnside dental associates
in Portland.
I'll have a uni run this down.
Cavanaugh is dressing nicer.
You think he's been working out?
Hack, slash, hack, slash.
I mean, really,
what's the point?
Come on.
The point is
to use your wraith abilities
to exact revenge
on the forces of Sauron.
In the larger sense.
In a world absent
meaning and justice.
In a world where Peyton,
in front of you and Liv
and my own eyes,
actually defended Blaine
for not wanting to take
the memory serum.
Who is it from?
Blaine.
He got a brain order
from Osborne oates.
That's the guy who bought Natalie
out of the basement of Max rager.
He's back in town.
Hey...
You wanna come help me
stake out his place?
Just look for Natalie?
I hate sex slavery
as much as anyone,
but I don't feel like going
out in public at the moment.
Ravi, it's a stakeout,
all right?
We'll hunker down in my car.
You don't even
have to wear pants.
Why not?
I've got nothing else
to live for.
And we know you're good
at waiting in cars.
Vicky Ernst...
It says here that
our victim, Cheryl,
outed you for abusing
company sick-leave policy.
Sometimes, my boss
makes personal calls
on our office phone to england.
It also says here that Cheryl's
tattling cost you a big promotion.
More promotions, more problems.
Am I right?
All right, here's a problem.
So far, no one's been
able to place you
after that fire alarm went off.
Did you pull it, Vicky?
It's okay. You can tell me.
When the alarm went off,
I was in the bathroom. Alone.
I came out and I saw Jim
running for the stairs.
- He yelled for me to follow.
- So, Jim could vouch for you?
That's right. We went right downstairs
and out to the gathering spot.
Rhonda saw us.
She was already there.
That's Rhonda... Diaz?
You're saying she wasn't in the
office when the alarm went off?
Maybe Rhonda had
a better place to be.
I was at the coffee shop.
The one three blocks
west of the office.
- Any way to confirm that?
- Yep.
I paid with my phone.
I have the receipt right here.
11:02 charge.
I heard the fire alarm go off when I
was walking back into the building.
So, you went to the gathering spot.
Who'd you see there?
Jim and Vicky. They got
there before anyone else.
Um...
I'm afraid I have to ask,
Rhonda,
on the matter of motive.
We...
Um...
We know Cheryl found out
that you had formerly
worked as a, um...
How should I put this?
Porn star.
Once she learned
about your former career,
Cheryl e-mailed your...
Filmography to your coworkers.
Yep.
That's the kind of gal she was.
So, you were
understandably angry.
With a body like this,
you think it's the first time
I've had to deal with a hostile
workplace environment?
There are, like, 80 movies here.
How long did you work
in the porn business?
Five months.
We need to get
Pete back in here.
What's this
Osborne oates do anyway?
He's in the diamond biz.
A bond villain.
Good.
You think Natalie is
somewhere in there?
He's got a wife and kids.
I doubt he'd have
his mistress living here.
I figure Natalie's
in a second location
which Mr. oates is gonna
lead us to.
All we have to do is affix this
GPS tracking device to his car.
The one parked behind
those massive gates?
Dude, don't pitch problems,
all right?
You're the brainy sidekick.
The guy with answers
as sharp as his wit is dry.
Peyton, I have been dying
to talk to you.
You should've seen ravi
at work today.
Hungover. Mopey.
Still hasn't showered
by the looks of it.
Not to mention the smell of it.
Ravi can eat a bag of...
I didn't realize
you had company.
Company with cocktails.
Old fashioned?
The drink, not the concept
of a manservant.
I can make another.
Sure.
Ravi said someone should keep an eye
on Blaine in case he starts to...
- You know...
- Die.
Yeah, that.
I offered up our couch
for a few nights.
I hope that's okay.
- Okay.
- I don't wanna impose.
I will be out of here at dawn's
early light on Saturday.
Hey.
Go time.
Then go already.
Did I really need to be awake
for this part?
There's that dry wit.
Damn it. We're losing him.
"We?"
I told you to drive faster.
Get out.
Both of you.
Over here. Now!
Grab some hood!
Major lilywhite.
If we ever see you again,
I'm gonna kill you
with this gun.
- Got it?
- Got it. Loud and clear.
Now he's got it.
You look awfully pleased
for a man
who just got kicked
in the kidneys.
What on earth were you...
God. The tracking device.
- I slipped it in his pocket.
- Are you mental?
- He just threatened to kill you!
- If...
they see me again.
We'll just have to make sure
they don't.
Listen to me, major. You're
not responsible for Natalie.
- I made a promise.
- Well, of course you did.
She was gonna kill herself.
But now, you're the one
acting suicidal.
You're not galahad
questing for the holy grail.
You're don quixote
tilting at windmills.
These guys are zombies.
They know
how to eliminate zombies.
You're right.
I'll stay away.
Let's get out of here.
Victim's spleen appears
abnormally enlarged.
You know what else
appears abnormal?
The way Peyton and Blaine
were acting last night.
Very chummy as they watched
the usual suspects,
and that is the last thing
that I will say about that.
The loveliest trick of the devil
is to persuade you
he doesn't exist.
Five hundred and eighty grams.
Okay, one more thing...
So, remember how Pete "the
string-cheese thief" aboud
told us he was on the phone to
his bluebird Georgina galleano,
at burnside dental associates
in Portland
when Cheryl's yogurt was laced?
Yeah.
Well, turns out the only
non-fiction part of that sentence
is "Portland."
Burnside dental associates,
not a real thing.
Georgina galleano,
not a real person.
Interesting.
Glad you think so.
On this thumb drive,
one month's worth
of recorded sales calls.
I'll review them. Find out
whether someone called Pete,
or if he made up
his whole alibi.
Boy.
Another binder?
Well, it turns out
Pete and the other salespeople
use company cell phones.
So we have access to
all those calls and texts.
For you.
I will juice you like
an orange, my friend.
Meanwhile, I'm still only
halfway through my half
of the zombie-haters
message board.
No sex. No intrigue.
Just "zombies bad.
Blah, blah, blah, blah."
Liv.
Listen.
I found Pete's mystery call.
I like the ergo-matic's
price point, Pete.
And here's the fire alarm...
Come with me if you wanna live!
Georgina, can I call you
back in a few minutes?
I thought you cared about
me and my business, Pete.
- I do, Georgina, but...
- Good.
So, do you think there's any
wiggle room on the price?
Does it sound like
Georgina is in on it?
Like she's trying
to keep Pete on the phone?
And I just found
something weird.
A text from Cheryl-outed-me,
blew-up-my-marriage Jim
to Cheryl-caught-me-
abusing-sick-days Vicky.
The minute
before the alarm went off.
Let's bring 'em in.
Ask 'em what that's about.
What am I looking at here?
That binder contains
all the texts
sent on dentelco phones
this month.
The one we've circled is
one you received from Jim.
Okay.
Jim and I text a lot.
It came in one minute before
the fire alarm was pulled.
The entire text is a single exclamation
point. What was that about?
You said you were
in a bathroom at the time.
You know, that's just
this thing me and Jim do.
We send each other
an exclamation point
when we see something funny.
I read a lot of texts between you
and Jim over the past few weeks,
but this was
the first exclamation point.
You sure this wasn't a signal?
Just one question, Jim.
The exclamation point you texted
Vicky, what was that about?
Um...
That must've been a butt dial.
I'm still trying
to piece together
exactly what went down
with Jim and Vicky.
Those two were up to something.
That's for sure.
I like them for pulling
the fire alarm
and slipping Cheryl the utopium,
but I can't figure
how they could've done that
and been the first ones
to leave the building.
My.
You will not believe
what I'm looking at.
Rhonda was in pornos!
I kid you not.
No!
I suppose I could put you
on retainer, Mr. racy.
But I would prefer you put me
on your very large...
Clive! I just had a vision!
Let me double-check something
and I'll call you right back.
We need to find
a Rhonda hardbody porno
where she plays a private
eye's sexy Italian client.
Why not?
I've got nothing better to do.
It's one of the movies
on this list.
Focus on the crime thrillers.
So, ignore remakes
of classics, such as
the magnificent seven-way,
bone-hur...
No doubt part of the criterion
hard-core collection.
If you're not up to it...
I'll muddle through.
You see,
I believe in justice, Liv.
I always thought
I'd go for cremation.
But this ain't so bad.
What if I tortured animals
as a kid?
Um...
They say a lot of killers
do that when they're kids.
I'm sure you didn't.
What if my memory comes back,
and I just see stuff that I'm
unequipped to deal with?
That's not the Blaine I know.
You can't just assume the worst.
Yeah, well, the Blaine
you knew killed people.
Okay, and behavior like that
just doesn't
come out of the blue.
A few of those people probably
begged for their lives.
Maybe you'll find
some good memories in there.
People you loved
who loved you back.
You've taken the warped tour, Peyton.
You met my dad.
You got an inkling of what
my childhood was like.
You get what you're hoping for,
and I'll get back
all the memories
that led me to becoming
a murdering brain-dealer.
Or, maybe...
Maybe your memories come back,
but you stay this new and
improved version of Blaine.
A boy can hope.
Okay, next thing we need to do
is pound these breasts.
What did that poor chicken
ever do to you?
It crossed the road. And me.
Now it's payback time.
Hey, you two.
What's happening?
Chicken cordon bleu,
that's what.
Wanna get in on it?
We bought enough pour toi.
In that case, merci.
But first, I must visit
your salle de bain.
So, is he remembering stuff?
Still nothing.
You realize if he doesn't get something
soon, I'm gonna stay like this
and the major we know
will disappear.
I know.
I hope so.
Starting to wonder if you've lost
sight of the big picture here.
What do you two want to show me?
Rhonda in the role
of lady effamia duro,
looking for her husband's
killer, in the hard-boiled,
triple-x thriller,
hump me deadly.
Does she play it
with an Italian accent?
And then some.
I found it after going
through her porn-noirs.
The all-tease phallus...
Farewell, my lusty...
- Dial "m" for moisture...
- Okay, I get it.
Sorry for making you watch
all those.
A welcome diversion.
I may have become
Rhonda hardbody's biggest fan.
And here's
Georgina's sales call.
I like the ergo-matic's
price point, Pete,
but how does it compare
feature-wise
to the royal brougham?
And here's lady effamia.
Right.
I suppose I could put you
on retainer, Mr. racy.
But I would prefer you put me
on your very large desk.
The voices match.
Yeah. If she didn't show up
in your records,
she was probably
using a burner phone.
Does this mean you'll be
bringing Rhonda back in again?
Would asking for an autograph
be out of bounds?
Who doesn't look guilty here?
We need blueprints
for the building.
It wasn't easy
to crack this one...
until I took a look
at the dentelco floor plans.
You all had solid alibis.
Rhonda, you were out of the
office on a coffee run.
Jim, you were leading everyone
to the gathering spot
and getting there first.
Vicky, you were in the
bathroom, then with Jim.
But we finally figured out
how the prank went down.
Starting with Cheryl making it
to her desk with her yogurt.
Jim clocks her opening the foil.
That would've been key
to make this plan work.
He sends Vicky
the exclamation point text.
A signal for you
to pull the fire alarm.
That's the cue for Jim
to act like a hero.
Don't panic, people!
Come with me if you wanna live!
Come on!
Cheryl sets down her yogurt
and follows her coworkers
to the stairs.
Meanwhile, Jim's with Vicky
in the women's bathroom,
waiting for the coast to clear,
as Rhonda, on her coffee run...
Using her dental equipment savvy
and her sexy Italian accent...
Sets up Pete to take the fall.
His numbers were down.
You figured
he needed a sale so bad,
he'd stay on the phone
if his desk were on fire.
While you, Rhonda,
distract Pete...
Jim slips the utopium
in Cheryl's yogurt...
Hoping to send her
on a little trip
that will make her
the butt of office gossip.
Jim then joins Vicky
in the freight elevator,
the little feature I found
when I checked the blueprints.
And which still operates even
after an alarm has been pulled.
Which enables them to race to the
gathering spot ahead of the others
making their way down
five flights of steps,
and be vouched for by you,
who resented Cheryl
for outing your porn career.
Who wanted to get back at Cheryl
for torpedoing your promotion.
Who wanted payback
for her ruining your marriage.
Now, if you wanna see
more of your kids,
maybe you wanna make a deal
on a manslaughter rap.
If so, I advise you
to step right up.
I only need one of you
to confirm the facts.
Or maybe you'll all decide
to stick to your story.
In which case, you'd
better hope we don't find
some new evidence that ups
the charge to murder one.
We thought it would be funny
to take Cheryl down a peg.
None of us imagined
she would die.
We were all in on it.
Vicky recruited me and Rhonda
after a team-building seminar.
Rhonda got the utopium.
That bitch Cheryl
screwed up our lives.
We thought we'd give her
a taste of her own medicine.
Now, we're gonna
spend years in prison.
She managed to screw us even
worse from beyond the grave.
Just wait till I tell Felicia
in hr.
Excuse me, sir?
Sir!
Sir!
Sir!
My god, major.
Sir, can you come with me?
Why did you come here?
Sir, I'm gonna
have to call security.
To save you?
What the hell are you doing?
We need to get you outta here before
your benefactor's muscle shows up.
And where do you propose I go?
Okay, I know a place. It's an
organized group of zombies.
They can protect you from
oates and provide you brains.
You don't get it, major.
Seattle doesn't work.
This man, he will hunt me down.
So, unless your group of
zombies has offices
in Sri Lanka or the
amalfi coast, I can't go.
- I can't walk away and leave you here.
- I agree.
You can't walk away.
You need to run.
You have no idea what he'll do
to you if he finds you here.
I have a pretty good idea.
Don't worry,
I'll figure a way out of this.
- Some day.
- I left you once.
I'm not gonna leave you again.
Okay, you need to go. Now!
Here, let me give you this.
What is it?
It'll turn you human again.
Look, you won't need brains
anymore.
You can go anywhere
you've ever dreamed of.
I... I'll be human again?
That's wonderful, major.
My god!
After a couple of days,
the memories of your life
and your loved ones,
they'll all start to fade.
Eventually, you won't remember
anyone or anything.
You'll be starting life
as a new person.
Please go, major.
So, tomorrow morning
you'll be in the clear.
Ravi says if I'm gonna get back any
memories, it'll happen by then.
I'm sorry.
I want Liv and major
to be human again.
I think I've kinda gotten used
to them being zombies.
But I'm not the one
who has to eat brains.
Hey,
I get it.
I know.
Which is why I'm so friggin'
attracted to this...
This version of you.
But what if we wake up
tomorrow morning
and that other Blaine is back?
I've been thinking about that
a lot and... I don't know.
Yeah. Me, neither.
What I do know is,
if this is my last night
to spend with this Blaine...
I don't wanna waste it.
Me, neither.
Okay...
Okay, okay, okay, okay...
Okay, okay, okay, okay...
All right, all right, all right.
So, here's the thing, and I
can't believe I'm saying this,
I really, really can't,
but, um...
Do you think
maybe we should wait?
Yeah.
Yeah, we should.
No, we definitely should.
If we do anything and tomorrow
you're a different guy?
Yeah, the old guy?
The guy that would
never suggest we wait?
Yeah. If you're him tomorrow,
I'm gonna hate myself.
I would, too.
Except I'd be him.
So, I wouldn't.
All right, people, kevlar up!
This is not a drill!
This is the real deal!
With real bullets!
So, let's make sure they
do not leave you real dead!
I found an interesting post
from a zombie-hater.
And I'm finding
my share of those, too.
Harley Johns.
His online signature links
to a local gun range.
Check it out.
We're just in time for their
zombie apocalypse special.
Am I dreaming, or is there a
beautiful woman watching over me?
Sorry.
I couldn't sleep.
I guess if I was dreaming,
you'd be holding coffee.
So? What's the word?
Nothing.
I'm sorry about what this
means for your friends.
I'll start on that coffee.
How do you take...
Excuse me, Mr. Johns?
Mr. Johns!
I thought I smelled something.
Right on, white power.
I'm Dr. Moore, with
the medical examiner's office.
And I'm detective babineaux,
spd homicide.
Hey, be my guest.
It's a bit more weapon
than you're used to,
the sight's a little off,
but you seem like a big boy...
Not bad.
Sight seems fine.
We had a few questions about
something you posted online.
"Online." Online where?
You see,
my interests run the gamut
from full-auto
firearm conversions
to the sovereign
citizen movement.
This was a message board
where someone claimed to live
next door to a family of...
Zombies.
It included a helpful map
to their house.
The family was murdered,
you know.
Yeah, I heard about that.
The day before,
you posted that you were
"itching to put some bullets
to good use,"
"perforating
a brain-eater's skull."
Well, it is on my bucket list.
However, at the time
of the incident in question,
I was with my family.
Klan rally?
We prefer the term "picnic."
Listen, I don't know if those
dead folks were zombies or not,
but I do know this...
Zombies are real.
They exist right here
in Seattle,
right under our noses.
What makes you say that?
My brother Dave showed me
a photo of a zombie.
It was gnarly.
Like him. You know,
just without all the holes.
Can we see the photo?
Sorry.
My bro took it to the grave.
This good man was killed
by zombies.
The official story is, he died
in the Max rager massacre.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Thanks for your help.
That was the lab technician
whose severed arm we used
to access
the Max rager basement.
I know.
It means this Harley character
is no ordinary nut-job.
He knows there are zombies.
Hey!
If I ever run into their kind,
what I do about it
won't be your concern.
Why's that?
'Cause you can't murder
what ain't alive.