iZombie (2015–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Virtual Reality Bites - full transcript

Liv: Previously on izombie...
So how did you
become a zombie?
You clawed my forearm.
You are who you eat.
You don't just
have their visions,
You also get some of their
personality traits.
You're a zombie now.
For a mere 25k a month,
I've got the brains
you need to keep
all your pistons firing.
My roommate
took his skateboard out,
Said he was going
to the park
for a couple hours.
That was four days ago.
All right, i'm gonna walk this
over to missing persons
right now. Nice kicks.
-Have you seen my friend?
-Brother, i just saw him.
Blaine: We'll have
you to him in no time.
Be my guest.
I met another zombie.
-Friendly?
-Quite.
Who knows if we even
like each other.
But what have we got to lose?
Hey, where did you
get those shoes?
(grunting)
(gasps)
Easy.
You're lucky you're not dead.
Although, if you were,
this would come
much more naturally to me.
You know what
you're doing, right?
I mean, theoretically. Sure.
But did you consider
a trip to the er?
I'm a social worker.
My insurance covers, like,
one band-aid a year.
Major? What the hell?
It's nothing.
Those are y-incision
stitches. They need
to be closer together,
Unless you're going
for that frankenstein look.
The man's too good-looking.
I'm giving him character.
-Should i just take over?
-Please, god, yes.
How did this happen?
He got into a fight.
I went looking for jerome.
And found the candyman.
Remember? That guy jerome said
was handing out utopium,
Inviting kids back to his van?
He's a real person, then?
The candyman?
He was wearing
jerome's high tops.
How did you know
they were jerome's?
They were cool shoes, but they
weren't one of a kind.
They were jerome's.
So our friend here
went full vigilante.
Batman versus the candyman.
Point candyman.
And i assume that fight
solved everything.
You and the candyman
shook hands, and he
led you right to jerome.
-He knows something.
-(cell phone vibrating)
I know it.
You're a social worker, not a
cop. You could've been killed.
I was an all-conference
strong safety
For the washington
huskies, baby.
A head-hunter.
I'm a dangerous man.
The candyman is dangerous-er.
Please promise me
that that's the last time
You'll take matters
into your own hands.
There's a reason...
Liv tell you about the guy
she met at the wake
the other night?
Musician type?
If i hadn't stumbled in
And totally rocker-blocked
this dude... Ow!
Quite an imagination
you have there.
Have some faith in me,
all right?
I've been girding myself
for this day.
Come on. Who's your buddy?
I'm your buddy.
Eager to share the highs
and lows of your life.
Mmm-hmm.
New customer! 300-pounder
dropped dead on his stairs.
Our services are required.
Just a second.
I don't want it to pop.
That's fine. Chicks dig scars.
(doorbell ringing)
We've got a spinach quiche,
freshly-baked baguette...
Spicy mustard and gulai otak.
Where's the gulai otak?
Are you sure
it's not in there?
Yes, i'm sure!
Okay, um, i'll run back
to meat cute and i'll be
back in 20 minutes.
I don't think
i can wait that long.
(theme song playing)
Whew!
That is straight-up nasty.
I believe the professional
term is "ugh."
Camphor?
It'll help with the stench.
(grunts)
Ah, better. Thanks.
Our vic is simon cutler,
32 years old.
Damn, this is the ripest
dude i've smelled.
His skin reminds me of a grape
that was left out in the sun
too long and split open.
You just ruined grapes for me.
Okay, our guy here
was a total shut-in.
No one's seen him in years,
a regular willy wonka.
He'd receive all necessities
through the dog hatch
on the front door.
Apparently there was
a pile of unopened
deliveries spilling out,
So a neighbor
called the police.
Uh, i'm gonna need
more of that camphor.
So no one's been in or out?
No. Which should make figuring
out what killed him easy.
How long do you think
he's been here?
Well, based on the purple
hue of the skin,
I'd say he's
between putrefaction
and black putrefaction.
You see how swollen
his tongue is?
I'll take your word for it.
A week, maybe two.
By the looks
of his computer setup,
He could've been directing
air traffic down here.
Day trader, maybe?
Hmm. The carpet's sticky.
Nice shag.
Apparently he's been
down here since 1974.
Spilled his soda
when he collapsed.
Fried chicken. Fried pies.
My money says big boy
here had a heart attack.
Well, a heart attack
is a reasonable hypothesis,
But seeing as he's
in his early 30s
And hasn't been
to the hospital recently,
an autopsy is de rigueur.
It means required.
You know, my french tutor,
mademoiselle perrier,
Is gonna be so disappointed
i blanked on that one.
(coughs)
Confetti?
(clive reading)
Well, it was a memorable one.
(sirens wailing)
Oh. Seems the neighbors
are curious about the man
behind the dog hatch.
Excuse me, officer,
what happened to him?
Do you know?
Yeah, did he suffer?
Hey, how long was he in there?
(phone clicking)
Come on, man,
show some respect.
What the hell is wrong
with these people?
(ringing and vibrating)
(sighs)
Was i unclear?
Our sex life is more
me calling you
When i'm so inclined,
And you resisting
the urge to call me.
My delivery hasn't
arrived yet.
It should have been
there hours ago.
Well, it's not.
How about i bring you
a special delivery myself?
No. I just didn't
want to be charged.
You know what?
I just remembered,
that my doorbell is broken,
So he probably
came by after all.
Anyway, i have a meeting,
so i better boogie.
I'll come by later
and pick something up.
Sorry to trouble you.
No worries.
Another piece of confetti
in his eyeball.
It is sad, don't you think?
Hermit threw himself
a little party.
"happy birthday to me!"
handful of confetti
in the air.
Internal organs are liquefied.
Please say heart attack.
I don't wanna eat, nay,
drink rotten brains.
Arteries weren't blocked.
No scar tissue
around the heart.
Heart attack seems unlikely.
You know, almost anything,
if you deep fry it...
Detective babineaux,
what can we do for you?
I'm hoping you can
tell me what happened
to mr. Cutler here.
Dead 10 days.
No cause of death yet.
I've sent his blood samples to
that lab for bio-chem testing.
That'll give us
more to work with.
I'm afraid
all the decomposition
slows us down a bit.
Well, maybe i can
speed things up.
It turns out our friend here
was one of the most hated
people on the internet.
I just spent an hour
looking through death threats
levied against the man.
We're almost certainly
looking at murder.
Son of a bitch!
You've grown attached
to this one, huh?
Man's inhumanity to man.
Do you ever
really get used to it?
I'm pretty used to it.
Apparently, cutler here was
an internet troll and hacker
Known hither and yon
as the sim reaper.
There's already a website up
celebrating this guy's demise.
Oh, let's pull it up,
shall we?
An internet troll.
Is that like a cyberbully?
Well, if he's an accomplished
hacker, then he's like a
cyberbully with super powers.
All right, sim reaper.
Here we go.
Are all of those
links about him?
Yup. Plus some
of sim reaper's work.
Sexist public commentary,
fascist political screeds,
Taking credit for shutting
down websites,
Hacking into people's
cloud-based accounts, sharing
their personal content.
What kind of person does that?
Click right there
and hear for yourself.
It's the one known recording
of simon cutler,
A customer service call
gone very wrong.
Woman: Customer service,
this is shanie.
Simon: (distorted)
shanie, perfect!
I've been on hold
for 45 minutes.
Shanie: I'm sorry about that,
sir. Can i have your account
number, please?
Simon: I've given it.
Several times.
Shanie: Your name, then.
I'm happy to look it up.
Simon: I am the
sim reaper, shanie.
I am the keeper of the web.
Ceos of fortune 500 companies
tremble before me.
I am invisible, intangible,
untouchable.
I am the bringer
of cyber-darkness.
Fail me, and i will delete you
like so much digital noise.
(keyboard clicks)
Why are all the good ones
unavailable?
I have forensics looking
at his laptop for leads.
But if you get any psychic
stirrings, let me know.
Don't worry, detective.
I'm sure liv will suck it up
and help any way she can.
(sighs)
I can't believe
you actually drank that.
Simon cutler's rotten brains
go down in history
as the worst. By far.
Frankly, i'm impressed
that they went down at all.
I have my first zombie date
tonight. How do you think
puking on him is gonna play?
Maybe if you ate something?
Something else.
Like saltines maybe.
It's worth a shot.
Hey, where did these
donuts come from?
Oh, i brought them in
as a peace offering
for the early crew.
I'd offer you one, but
you've never been a donut fan.
Liv: (thinking) mmm. Donuts.
Great. I ate
homer simpson's brain.
(simon panting)
(gasps)
(wheezes)
(coughs)
Are you all right?
He was choking on a donut.
He couldn't breathe.
I think it was a food allergy.
What, you think
something in the donut
caused anaphylaxis?
He barely made it up those
stairs we found him on
And gave himself
a shot of epinephrine.
That may be why
he was found on those stairs.
He was trying
to get to an epipen
and he didn't make it.
Except i didn't find any
trigger foods in his stomach.
No peanuts. No shellfish.
Then what the hell killed him?
Coral: Why don't you tell us
why you're back here, joey?
I got booted from my house.
Again.
We know that. But why?
You've got the file.
If you don't share,
that's a privilege drop,
And i don't wanna have to...
Major, what happened
to your face?
Rollerblading.
It's back, people.
Joey, what are you
doing back here?
Trashed my mom's place.
Now why would you do that?
Mike was being a tool.
Joey, we've established
that mike is always a tool.
But trashing your
mom's place? That's you
surrendering control.
Come on, man.
Coral:
And that's one of the things
joey will be working on.
(cell phone vibrating)
Finding healthy ways
to express his anger.
No phones during group.
Privilege drop!
You went looking for eddie
and jerome, didn't you?
That's you surrendering
to your messiah complex, dude.
Reality check time.
They're dead.
So you're telling me the most
hated man on the internet
Was killed by a donut?
No. Anaphylactic shock
killed him. But there was
no food in his system.
In my vision, it was a donut
that almost killed him.
No idea what triggered the
anaphylactic shock this time.
I'm confused.
Yeah, so are we.
(siren wailing)
(heart beating)
(distorted) liv?
(in normal voice) you okay?
Yeah. Sorry, i...
...Think maybe my breakfast
didn't agree with me.
"happy birthday!"
and you're dead.
If i didn't know better, i'd
swear you're having a vision.
Hold on.
Simon cutler's birthday is...
I just typed it
into my police report.
His birthday isn't for
another four months.
Who sends a card
that far ahead of time?
And with nothing
written on the inside?
-No stamp.
-Hand delivered.
Maybe the card was
a message from the killer.
-Oh, my god, the confetti.
-The what?
The confetti.
It was scattered on the rug.
We even dug some
out of simon's eye.
It's a confetti flinger.
You open the card and
confetti shoots out.
My sorority used these
during rush to let pledges
know they were accepted.
"congrats, you're a mu theta."
fwick!
Can i see that?
What does that smell
like to you?
Peanuts.
The confetti flinger
Was a peanut powder
delivery system.
Congratulations, detective.
You've discovered
the murder weapon.
Liv: Assist a detective
in solving a murder case.
Help stave off
a zombie apocalypse.
Fake being a psychic.
I've got a lot of balls
in the air.
Yet here i am,
getting ready for a date.
The last time i sweated
an outfit choice was
the night major proposed.
Of course,
i did it the five nights
leading up to the proposal,
Because i was sure
it was coming.
I was sure about
everything with major.
There was no debating
whether or not he was the one.
I didn't worry i'd get bored
of being with the same
person year after year.
He was it for me.
I thought i'd spend the rest
of my life with major.
And i guess i did.
But apparently my death
is a new chapter.
Bizarre as that may be.
(panting)
(heart beating)
What the hell?
(phone ringing)
Recording: This is lowell,
leave a message.
Hey, lowell. So sorry
to do this on a message,
but i have to cancel.
I'm literally seconds away
from puking. I, i...
It hit me out of nowhere.
And i'm calling you from
the bathroom floor right now.
I hope you understand...
Oh, my god. I'm such an idiot.
I totally forgot you're
a zombie. I can just tell you.
I had a bad batch of
agoraphobe brain and can't
get out of my apartment.
Okay. Bye.
Dr. Chakrabarti.
Wanted to share intel
on that near decapitation.
They said he was found
by some hikers out
on cold creek trail.
But the body was covered
in bear saliva,
So i'm guessing the bear got
to him before the hikers did.
Could a bear have done this?
Well, the bear was responsible
for the scratching and gnawing
part, all postmortem.
But the wounds on the neck
are consistent with those
of a carpenter's claw hammer.
Fingerprints confirm
our vic's michael dornan, 18.
A foster kid who's been in and
out of juvie since he was 11.
-That's curious.
-Why is that?
Well, the contents
of his stomach. Look.
It reads like the main course
at a shah wedding.
Wagyu beef.
Italian white truffles.
If somebody poured in
a bottle of bordeaux,
it would be my dream meal.
Is there a point?
You're not much of
a foodie, are you?
Wagyu beef is about
$100 for a filet.
Italian white truffles
are about $200 an ounce.
This street kid had about $500
worth of food in his stomach.
How does a down-and-out kid
Have access
to that kind of food?
Has liv had a look at him?
Sadly, she's home, sick.
Yeah, i could use her help
on the cutler case too.
Our forensics guys
couldn't find anything
on simon's laptop.
I was hoping liv could look at
it, maybe get some whoo-whoo.
I was planning on
dropping in on her later.
I'd be happy to drop
the laptop off if you'd like.
What am i supposed
to do with it?
Well, clive thought if you
handled simon's laptop,
you might pick something up.
Yeah, i know how clive thinks
my fake psychic powers work,
but what's your endgame here?
Are you expecting me
to eat the hard drive?
It's password protected,
what am i supposed to...
(computer chimes)
Okay. That was kind of creepy.
Or kind of amazing.
I've got simon's
muscle memory.
Please don't let me be
opening gross porn.
-Seriously.
-(game theme music playing)
What are the chances
an agoraphobe in his 20s
Was not a chronic
chicken choker?
What the hell
is warlock forest?
Have you been living
under a crag?
Which is a large jagged rock
in warlock forest.
It's an mmorpg. A multiplayer
online role playing game.
Oh, is that one of those games
where grown men pretend to be
Warrior gnomes and quest
after magical knickknacks?
No. It's one of those
games where hard-working
professionals can relax
Whilst performing
virtual heroic acts
That require creativity,
tactical skill and teamwork,
While saving the
moss princess.
It's a billion-dollar
industry.
Some people even get
paid loads of money
To level up characters
that can dominate
in these games.
People make money
playing video games?
Oh, yeah, it's big business.
This is dorky...
Wait, what did i just do?
Oh, you're a trollock.
I'm a polish troll?
You're a troll with warlock
abilities. The second most
powerful of all the halflings.
Those are the people
you're playing with.
They saw you log on.
At 3:00 p.M. On a weekday,
people are sitting around
waiting for a polish troll.
Character: (distorted)
master! You have returned!
Hey, who's this jackass?
All hail sim reaper!
He's talking to you.
Your mortal enemy full auto
has claimed he killed you
For exterminating
all of his soul brethren.
Sim reaper exterminating
full auto's soul brethren
Could've cost a serious player
many thousands of dollars.
Full auto shall send forth
waves of minions
bent on your destruction.
You must take back
tree palace.
You have to respond.
Everyone uses voice
modulation, so they
won't know you're a girl.
I'm not taking back
tree palace.
You must!
Liv, if anything brought
me to violence
It'd be someone exterminating
my soul brethren.
You have to play to find
this full auto guy.
He could be our killer.
I don't even know
what i'm doing.
Yet i know that
if i use my freezing rod
on these fire witches,
I can take out
all seven at once.
But i hate this kind of crap.
I'll go home and log in.
I can help you
from inside the game.
How will i know who you are?
I'm a were-terrier
with healing abilities
called arf vader.
This is going to be epic.
Jerome on computer:
Aw, man! That's brutal.
Try to do that one more time.
Jerome?
Is it too loud?
No, i just, uh...
I heard jerome
and thought maybe...
Your optimism is tragic.
(chuckles)
It's just old skate stuff
jerome posted on youtube.
It's how we share tricks.
Is there a lot of footage
like this from the skate park?
Yeah. There's like
hundreds of videos,
And maybe four
don't completely suck.
Why are you scoping
the crowd? It's all
skate skanks and hobos.
Okay, keep going.
Okay, we're going in
fast and tight.
If you're casting vapor
spells, you need to be
casting as we enter.
Full auto's all about
the obscuring veil,
so remember to stay centered.
They'll be blasting orbs,
but if we hit them heavy
with diviners
And reserve our gem spells,
we can take these bitches.
And this should go
without saying,
But don't use
your multi-crystals
until we're inside.
Arf vader...
Do you have boon to revive us?
I only have enough boon
to resurrect four people.
Timber, you're on recon
for arf. Okay, we're going.
Stay in formation!
Why am i not seeing shields?
Timber, if we lose arf,
i will crush you.
I will drive you into the sea
and hear the lamentations
of your women!
Vapor casters,
why am i not clouded
in iridescence right now?
(clears throat)
Mom! Hi.
Peyton told me you were sick.
I thought i'd come by
and take care of you.
Mmm. That's so sweet.
Wait, who the hell
just cast an opal rendering?
-Olivia? I brought you...
-(clattering)
Soup.
I'm sorry. We're storming
the tree palace right now
And i've got fire witches
up my ass and a battalion
of idiots who don't understand
What "reserve your
gem spells" means.
Well, this is the most engaged
i've heard you sound
in a long time.
I wish it were
with actual people.
Honey, i know this has been
a challenging year.
And i want you to know
that i love you.
And all i want for you
is to be happy.
But i worry that you're
letting your life pass you by.
Sorry, mom. What did you say?
Just, sit up straight,
sweetheart.
Thank you. For the soup.
This is important
police business.
Hmm.
We're in! We're in!
Take this boon and you can't
be killed for five minutes.
It's your only boon.
You need to find full auto.
Ravi: Oh, my god.
He's coming for you!
Character: (distorted)
sim reaper? I killed you.
You were dead.
Vengeance was mine.
-(computer chimes)
-yeah. I don't think so.
My name's olivia moore
and i'm with the seattle
police department.
I need to ask you
a few questions regarding
the murder of simon cutler,
Also known as sim reaper.
-Seriously?
-(skype ringtone chiming)
Full auto?
Am i gonna need a lawyer?
-You're full auto?
-Yeah.
-How old are you?
-Fourteen.
Wait, did you say
you were from the seattle
police department?
Is that where sim reaper
was from?
-You didn't know?
-Well, there were
a lot of theories.
There was a whole warlock
forest thread devoted to
Who the reaper was
and where he lived.
No one knew for sure.
-So he's really dead?
-Yes.
And you think i had
something to do with it?
-Well, you threatened him.
-In a game.
And even if i knew who he was,
how would i get to seattle?
I live in new york.
That's the empire state
building, lady.
(sighs)
Fourteen, lives in new york,
had no idea who simon was
or where he lived.
That is depressing news.
A 14-year-old kid had
over 20 soul brethren.
My highest was three.
(doorbell rings)
Hang on a sec.
You sounded overwhelmed
in your message, so...
You're giving me
anti-anxiety meds.
I ate a brain with ptsd
a few weeks ago.
It took four to put a dent
in it, but it got me through.
If you're sharing prescription
drugs with me, i should
at least offer you a drink.
I'll call you back later.
-Of course. Don't do
anything i wouldn't...
-(clicks)
So...
Did you run out of napkins
or were you just fondled
by an oompa loompa?
There's some on your butt too.
Not that i was looking.
I clearly
was expecting visitors.
Sorry if it's distracting.
It's probably the least
distracting thing about you.
Whoa. Slow your roll,
silver-tongued devil.
Baby steps.
This is a new thing for me.
Dating.
Oh, this isn't a date.
It's a drop-by.
Maybe that's what you call it
in buckingham regalshire.
Learn your british accents.
I'm from london.
And i'm pretty sure "drop by"
is an american term.
Whatever this is, i haven't
done it in a long time.
And i didn't think
i'd be doing it again.
With anyone other than the guy
i was supposed to marry.
-You were engaged?
-Up until i became a zombie.
And i'm not over it at all.
I need to get there
eventually, but...
-Do you?
-Need to get over it?
Yeah.
Well, what's the alternative?
Stay in love with a guy
i can never be with?
You know people do that
all the time, right?
I'm sorry. I'm being that girl
who talks about her ex.
Yeah, but you're also the girl
who had this freakish
thing happen to her,
And you're discussing it
with probably the one guy
who would understand.
So, what brings a nice british
lad like you to seattle?
Well, i had to escape
the chilly, wet,
Depressing london weather.
So, seattle, naturally.
There may have
also been a girl.
Oh, there's always a girl.
So, your ex, what's he like?
Determined.
Hey, ravi,
you gotta look at this.
You see that guy?
I see a blurry face.
He's the one who beat me up.
I've watched a hundred
of these videos,
and he keeps popping up.
But i can't find
a good shot of him.
You've popped a stitch.
Ah.
I'm gonna run over to liv's.
Uh, maybe you shouldn't.
-Uh, it's late.
-Yeah, she's always up late.
Ooh, let me. Uh, there's
a sewing kit in the bathroom
That i nicked from
a posh hotel when
my cousin got married.
I'd rather not use a hotel
sewing kit on my face, but...
I can fix one stitch.
Major, you really shouldn't.
(chuckles)
She's not alone.
-Sorry.
-It's fine.
Thanks for letting me know.
You woke up in a body bag?
I'm not kidding,
I genuinely used
to have a recurring
nightmare about that.
I can see why. You're up.
My mate's bachelor party.
I drank too much, passed out,
Woke up in the drunk tank
of the county jail
with a scratch on my leg.
-No idea how it happened.
-What the hell?
How many of us
are there out there?
Well, there can't be that many
if you're the first i've seen.
And i'd like to think
that there would be a
Special bulletin if there
were roaming packs of zombies.
How do you eat?
A funeral home over on baker.
For the right price,
a mortician will look
the other way.
I assume since you work
in a morgue...
You assume correctly.
Oh, yeah...
I long for the days
when i just had to explain
To some drunk groupie
how i got the inspiration
for my songs.
I'm not really
the groupie type, but
Next time you play,
i'd love to come see you.
I don't play in public
anymore.
A week after
the bachelor party
I had a show, went on stage.
And got that pre-gig
adrenaline rush,
And started to...
You know, um, so...
For everyone's safety,
i stopped playing shows.
I can still play
in the studio.
I am so sorry.
That is so incredibly
unfair and awful.
Um, it's... You know,
it's funny, i, i...
I didn't think that i was
the type of guy who wanted
People to feel bad
for me, but...
You just said the exact thing
i've been dying for someone
to say to me.
I am sorry.
It's fine. I'm just not...
I, i know you're not.
Um, uh, you, you...
Made that very clear. I, um...
Uh, let's, let's just...
Whoa! Uh...
I did not predict that you'd
be a fan of the slutty
women of middle earth.
I'm not blowing you off.
It's just this is a lead
in the case i'm working on.
Of course, um... I should go.
-It's not about...
-No, no, no. Uh...
Our murder victim
might have been killed
by a donut.
I, i get it.
Thank you. I'll call you.
Really!
I'm sorry, but we're closed.
Detective babineaux,
seattle pd.
Have you ever seen this man?
I can't say he looks familiar.
Perhaps a coworker could look?
No, it's just me.
But leave the photo.
I'll show the staff tomorrow.
Out of curiosity,
what's he done?
He died.
Oh, no. That's awful.
So young.
He had a very specific
type of meat and truffle
combination in his stomach
That's only sold at a few
shops here in seattle,
including this one.
I figured maybe someone
here might have seen him.
(thudding)
Didn't you say
you were alone here?
That's just the ice machine
dropping a load.
Scares the hell out of me
sometimes when i'm here
by myself.
Do you wanna
take a look around,
detective? Come on back.
Fair warning, though.
It is a butcher shop.
The guts. The carnage.
It can be like gettysburg
back there.
Some people find it
disturbing. Not me.
They say you don't wanna know
how the sausage is made.
I'm the guy who just
had to know.
Come on. I'd love to give
you the nickel tour.
You're a homicide detective.
I'm sure you've seen worse.
And you have to sample
the blood pudding.
It is the best in town.
(cell phone vibrates)
Babineaux.
I've got something
on the simon cutler case.
You've gotta see this.
All right, i'll be there
in 10. I'm just leaving
that charcuterie on pine.
My info is on the back
of the photo.
If any of your employees
remember anything,
have 'em call me.
Absolutely.
Do we know sim reaper's dead?
We cracked open a 1000-dollar
bottle of wine that my father
bequeathed to me.
We were supposed to hand
it down to our children.
But we like to live
in the moment.
And this felt like one.
So you were happy about it?
-Delighted.
-Euphoric.
Liv on computer:
Can you reposition me? I can't
really see their faces.
Oh, sorry about that.
My partner here found a yelp
review of your establishment,
the best all around donuts...
Former establishment.
...Written by the sim reaper.
Okay, right there is good.
Which was the online
alias of simon cutler.
Mmm-hmm.
"i told these morons
when i ordered their crullers,
'no peanuts, morons.'
"but the morons said they
were nut-free, so i ate them
and they almost killed me.
"now i'm taking
my business elsewhere
"and using every breath i take
to obliterate their pitiful
little crap-shack."
Not the sort of feedback
you'd display on your
cash register, was it?
Our crullers had no nuts.
Yeah, after we saw the review,
we learned that our canola oil
Comes from a factory
where they make peanut oil
in the same machinery.
Before we could switch brands,
we were swamped
With this tidal wave
of negative reviews.
"i found a rat tail
in my maple bar."
Outrageous stuff like that.
We put our life savings
into that place.
(snaps fingers)
like that, it was gone.
I mean, he must've
generated 50 scathing
reviews on his own.
That killed your business.
If you wanted to kill him,
it also gave you an idea
on how to do it.
Anaphylactic shock.
That's what killed him?
The reports didn't say.
To the rest of the world he
was this mysterious shut-in.
But you knew where he lived.
You brought him crullers.
We didn't even know
the guy's real name.
We delivered crullers to
a hundred different addresses.
We weren't delivering
to sim reaper.
We likely would've
remembered that address.
"simon cutler" meant
nothing to us.
Liv on computer:
They have motive, clive.
Motive and means.
But you know what?
I don't think they did it.
Maybe you got a different
vibe sitting there
in the room with them,
But from where i sit,
if they were lying,
they were doing it well.
Admitting they celebrated
the man's death.
Were you saying something?
(sighs) my gut says
they're innocent.
Which would mean we're back to
no one knew the guy's address.
He never left his house.
That gamer kid i tracked down
implied that the yelp review
Was the only clue anyone had
about where he lived.
Best all around donuts
delivered in
a three-mile radius.
What did he say?
He wasn't going to stop
eating donuts completely.
"i'm taking my business
elsewhere."
Do you realize
what that means?
There must be other
donut shops that delivered
to that same area! Right?
Are you there, clive?
Yeah, he probably realized
what that means.
(doorbell buzzing)
-I thought it was broken.
-Oh, it was.
It works intermittently.
Must be a loose wire
or something.
Or something.
What you working on?
Oh, one of my clients
wants a trend analysis
report on nesting.
Is it over, or is it
transitioning into cocooning?
Huh!
Here's what happened
today on my job.
A cop came in looking
for my dead delivery boy.
Dead?
That's terrible.
Oh, jackie.
Nesting is so over.
(cries out)
-(drill whirring)
-(screaming)
The crime scene photos
from simon's basement show
Several empty boxes
from donuts etc.
I spoke to the manager
and he wouldn't provide me
with a list of employees.
He said he'd need a warrant.
I'm not sure a judge is gonna
buy our logic on this.
-The donuts etc. On king?
-Yeah. Why?
Let me call you right back.
Liv: Another
mom and pop donut shop.
Rudimentary security.
Nothing a little sql injection
won't reduce to rubble.
Boom! Authenticated.
Welcome to the database.
Your employee lists, please.
Grazie.
All the hacking in the world
doesn't make up
For slipshod record keeping.
No clue which ones
are the delivery guys.
No termination dates.
Hundreds of names.
Okay, one by one it is.
Who just had a birthday?
'cause one of you wanted
simon cutler to know
Even as he was
choking to death,
that you were the killer.
(simon coughing)
(card playing
ring around the rosie)
(groans)
(exhales)
Ring around the rosie?
Well, well, well.
Look who's back from the dead.
-(chuckles)
-she walks.
Am i walking?
I feel like my feet are little
hovercrafts, gliding six
inches above the ground.
I should probably sit. Whoo!
Hey, way to stick the landing.
Sorry, heavily medicated.
Took a few pills
for what ails me.
I hope you also took the bus.
-What's up?
-I had a vision.
It was the moment
that the birthday card
shot confetti
And peanut dust
into the face of simon cutler.
It was just as we pe-spected.
Subsected? Suspected?
But there was another thing.
The card had
a music chip in it.
When cutler opened it,
ring around the rosie
started playing.
A message from the killer.
He wanted cutler
to know who he was.
Cutler stepped on the card.
The chip must have fallen
into the deep shag.
You know,
if we can get the list of
donuts etc. Employees,
We can see if there
are any names on there
that make sense.
Uh, yeah. I got my hands
on just such a list.
Don't ask, and i won't lie.
I don't suppose there was
a rosie on the list?
Or a freddy ring?
That song was about
the black plague.
The black plague was caused
by rats, and there was
a ratzinger on the list
With a birthday last month,
but that's not our guy.
You know who our guy is?
You wanna just share?
I'm building the drama.
I'm at the edge of my seat.
Yeah, i've seen this guy.
From the crime scene.
"did he suffer?"
that's what he asked.
And his name? Sean posey.
As in, "pocketful of posies,
we all fall down."
I got that shot
off his facebook page.
Tell me his birthday matches
the date of the murder.
No such luck.
But his sister's does.
Okay, enough with
the escalating drama.
Who's his sister?
Shanie on recording:
Your name, then.
I'm happy to look it up.
Simon: (distorted)
i am the sim reaper, shanie.
I am the keeper of the web.
Ceos of fortune 500 companies
tremble before me.
I am invisible, intangible,
untouchable.
I am the bringer
of cyber-darkness.
Fail me, and i will delete you
like so much digital noise.
What a ridiculous man.
But not one
to make idle threats.
Your sister posted the call
on her facebook page.
One of her friends
put it on youtube.
Two million hits later,
he hacked into all of your
sister's personal accounts.
Facebook, okcupid,
instagram, e-mail.
He messed with all of her
tax records and insurance,
medical, dmv.
Posted photoshopped
pornographic images
of her on twitter.
He destroyed her life.
Got her fired.
Broke up her relationship.
Gave her a criminal record.
Put her on sex offender
and no-fly lists.
Humiliated her.
After a year of that
harassment,
She couldn't take it anymore,
So she went to
the aurora bridge
and jumped to her death.
Your only clue to sim reaper's
real identity was the best all
around donuts review.
That gave you a three-mile
delivery radius.
So you got a job
at a donut shop
that served the same area.
I got jobs at three donut
shops in the area
before i found him.
You have a finance degree from
the university of chicago.
Weren't you a little
overqualified
to deliver donuts?
You realize you'll probably
Spend the rest
of your life in jail.
It was worth it.
Liv: Sean posey
let a tragedy ruin his life.
His sister died,
and he couldn't get past it.
Now two lives are ruined.
What was it mom said?
Right before
"sit up straight"?
Something about not letting
life pass me by.
(liv whistles)
Hey.
Hey.
I thought maybe we could
pick up the date
from where we left off.
I think we left off
at me awkwardly
fleeing your apartment.
A little before that, then.
The part where you made
a move and i ducked it.
Yes, please.
Let me relive that.
It wasn't my finest
moment, either.
You spent six years
thinking your life was going
in a different direction.
I think you're allowed
a duck or two.
I get it.
You're still not over him.
No. But i'm a little closer.
Liv, it's fine.
I'm in no rush to...
Argh! That's rubbish.
You're rubbish.
And i am the man
that takes out the rubbish.
Hey! I found a good,
clean shot of the candyman!
Check your text!
No worries. I can check
my phone, trim my beard,
And still trounce
this pathetic pillock.
Do you think she sucked
the marrow from life?
I think she did. She
looks like a marrow-sucker.
Forget her. Look at this.
Major found the candyman
and someone else.
Blaine isn't robbing graves
to feed himself.
It would appear not.
All those kids missing
from the skate park...
Major's kids...
Eva: I'm glad
you found this space.
You're so close to my house.
Although my waistline wishes
you were in tacoma.
Ooh! Hello.
Rabbit pistachio terrine.
You're hiring?
Because my son needs a job.
He's 16. Is that too young?
Let's have him
fill out an application,
see what happens.