Zmiennicy (1986–…): Season 1, Episode 14 - Pocaluj mnie Kasiu - full transcript
ALTERNATES
One life's not enough to handle
the abundance of the burden.
Episode XIV
KISS ME, KASIA
Who'll replace you for a while?
Lessen daily problems file?
A trustworthy alternate,
him and you, hand in hand.
World's spinning, time's flowing,
life's passing.
And the voice that keeps repeating:
Radio Taxi, please hold on.
We shall wait, we'll hang on,
we shall get to where we're told.
Frankly speaking,
everything's got its price.
If you're not equal to a task,
your alternate's the one to ask.
The right man that takes things easy
though spare part's often missing.
Dear faithful alternate's like
a spare wheel when you need it.
We know well those bends and junctions
we respect our memories.
Radio Taxi, hold the line.
We will do with understanding
being also understood.
Our life's being reeled,
spinning like fast like a car's wheel.
Speed it up and scud along
your alternate'll keep the pace.
Spinning round the serpentines,
moving on or underground.
Radio Taxi please hold on.
We shall wait.
There has to be something... There
has to be something round the bend.
13 13, over.
This is 13 13.
I'm in Mostowa street.
A fare is waiting for you in
Ursynow, at 4 Alternatywy street.
- You're to be there in 15 minutes.
- In Ursynow?
- It'll cost a fortune.
- It's not your business.
- You drive this car long time?
- Why, is this an exam?
Get in and give me the address
or pay for my coming here.
My colleague and I take turns;
you probably have him in mind.
I understand.
You go.
Grochowska street.
I show you where.
- Are you going to Praga by any chance?
- Get in, madam.
These two ladies are with me too.
Let's put this suitcase between our
legs so that there's more space.
- Are you from Targowek?
- From Siam.
My late husband used to work here,
building the underground.
He had the miner's category.
But after the accident
I took my authorization...
and collected the coupons as usual.
Then the next month passed.
And I thought I should go there again
as I had another authorization.
So I thought I might see
if anything would come out of it.
Bu there was such a mess
that they gave them to me.
So I take them every month.
To prevent the secret from being
revealed I wear different colors.
Once it's yellow,
next time it's pink.
But as you see
I usually wear mourning.
Yet I fear that one day
the secret will be out...
as I?ve already taken
a great deal of them.
It's a puzzle, indeed for coupons
themselves cost little, right?
Yet suppose you were to give them back.
After all you paid for the meat, right?
- I've enough of that...
- Fear?
I have enough of that meat;
never had more before.
We're approaching Grochowska street;
where shall I stop?
I forget something important.
We must go back Alternatywy street.
But first this lady; drive on.
61 Targowa street.
How much, sir?
- 330 but for you it's only 300.
- Here.
Thank you.
Good-bye.
- Can we take him?
- You drive on, drive on.
Will you take me to Ursynow?
I pay all the fare.
- Get in. I'm going right there.
- 24 Herbsta street.
You drive on, drive on.
Here we are.
I not take the key
to Alternatywy home.
I must go back again.
Go to Grochowska street.
Once again, understand?
No extra passengers, understand?
Understand.
Let it be my loss.
We run like a bus,
to and from.
- What's up? Have you lost anything?
- No.
- Shall I stop?
- Everything O.K. Drive on.
What are you doing, man?
Now you sit at the front, buddy.
I tell you the truth. I am very sick.
Very sick. I need medicine.
You buy aspirin for me.
Here's Polish money.
You go and buy me medicine.
Very sick.
Wait, I have some aspirin
somewhere here.
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- And what?
- Thank you.
Help!
Police, help!
- Where to?
- Perhaps we should call the police?
Are you nuts?
We should first find out all about it
before we give any evidence.
Police!
- As in a movie.
- Right.
Help, help!
You don't call police. You endanger
the Polish-Siamese friendship.
I study architecture.
This is my passport.
You don't call police.
So you are from the other
legal tender zone.
Then I don't understand anything now.
I thought you wanted money.
- I like you as a man.
- Pervert.
You don't want you partner
tell your boss...
you're very appetizing for men.
Get lost, you faggot.
Get out of my sight.
You were right.
- What's happened to you?
- Nothing. I've been changing a wheel.
- Then I don't have the spare one.
- You have the wheel and everything...
Wait, Marian. Listen.
You shouldn't walk
around like this.
A man should be elegant.
You should take more care of yourself.
I'll lend you a shirt if you want.
I've just bought two.
For me it's a bit too tight but
it will be the right size for you.
- Take off this rag.
- Don't touch it; I can mend it.
- Why are you so weird?
- I'm going home so I'll mend it.
As you wish.
Your partner is somewhat weird.
What do you know about him?
What do you want of him?
He's all right.
He used to run after women a bit
but that lesson did him good.
- What did he actually say in court?
- That he had been sterilized.
Such young and stupid guys can eve
injure themselves for the whole life...
to enjoy a few years of freedom.
You'd better check him;
something's wrong.
- So that you don't get into trouble.
- Maybe you're right.
- Are you free?
- No.
The V-belt has broken and
I have to stop at every tram stop.
Besides I'm returning
to the base.
- Good morning. I'm examining balconies.
- Come in. What's happened?
- Don't you know that they fall down?
- My God, where?!
In various places,
usually in the streets.
Then check it decently.
You won't regret it, my dear.
It may be dangerous here.
Botcher.
I was the third in line
to boy this loin of pork.
One man bought the bacon;
nothing else but fat and bones.
Then a women carrying a child
squeezed in.
But she had to give in;
her arms couldn't stand it.
The boy was about 10
and wanted to go to school.
His friends call him 'a store
boy' while in the schoolyard...
he's their general.
Anyway I was just
about to buy...
that loin of pork when
Oltarzewska turned up.
Of course I let her stand before me
and she bought all that loin of pork.
- How clever of you two.
- Nothing of that kind.
She didn't share it with me.
Our friendship is over.
You think you know someone inside out
yet you may be greatly mistaken.
- I like that Jacek more and more.
- He might be worse.
I think that if you
work together...
you might start
being together?
Please, don't you ever
mention that again, O.K.?
You're too shy and men
aren't quick-witted enough.
But I'll suggest that to him myself
next time I see him.
Mum, if you breathe a word
to him I'll move out.
He mustn't even know
that I work as a taxi-driver.
- Why not?
- Because I'd be ashamed.
- Well then, is it going to fall down?
- With a great thunder.
- I don't understand anything.
- Neither do I.
What has come over you?
- Have you mended it?
- Yes, I have.
- Have you ironed and washed it?
- Yes, but in the reverse order.
- By yourself?
- By myself.
- You know what? You're a swine.
- Jacek, why?
Let's talk like men.
Why, are you crazy?
Jacek, please don't.
- You're scared, aren't you.
- Please, don't...
Yes, I know I'm late.
I've received great news.
We've received 10 brand new cars.
- Where're they to be collected from?
- From Medyka or somewhere.
Please, please.
Jacek.
Stop that, Jacek.
My beloved one.
Kasia.
My beloved one.
I want 10 drivers to get gas coupons
and to get ready for a business trip.
I'll see to V-belts
and batteries myself.
- I caught a cold in the Lazienki Park.
- That's O.K.
I have some aspirin in the car.
You know: a dancer, a collector,
an artist, a diplomat...
a writer, a director... But a simple
driver with another driver?
I suppose that's
something new here.
I've got something
for your collection.
I understand someone's
being in a hurry but...
his hoping to shave in a fast-moving
car is beyond my comprehension.
In my store-room there's
a baby pram for twins...
an elephant harness
and tear gas.
When a guy goes by a cab
he doesn't think about anything.
A nice thing, an English make.
Someone will certainly
come to collect it.
You know what?
He tried to pick me up.
Not the real Marian Koniuszko
but some foreigner.
- Actually I suppose he was serious.
- Don't trust anybody.
Men think that if a girl drives
and they pay...
they have the right
to do anything.
- But he didn't know I'm a girl.
- And what?
He tried to use force so
I dragged him out of the car...
and next he only begged for mercy.
- You know I practice karate, don't you?
- Yes, I do.
Listen, he was a normal,
healthy man.
Well, he wasn't all that normal,
I suppose.
You have to realize
how important it is.
We immediately have to tell
Stasio Lesiak about it.
I can see a ray of hope.
First of all I must admit
that I feel relieved...
for I haven't been able to stand the sight
of you two for the last week.
But there'll be problems
with disclosing it.
Why? After all she didn't get employed
for she wasn't believed to be able...
to handle aggressive passengers.
Now we've got a counterargument.
She's beaten up a grown-up man.
In black and white.
No, it's not that.
They just won't bear the fact that...
they've been being taken in for so long.
And if the news spreads...
they'll be blamed
for lack of vigilance.
We should search their CVs
for something.
People certainly know something
about them.
We shall not use
their methods.
To reverse the situation we
should use some serious argument.
For example: she rescued
some official's wife from fire...
or she won the Peace Marathon.
Beating up some foreigner
is slightly too little.
But what really matters
is that you're all right.
Where are you hurrying?
You won't miss your funeral.
We're going to...
Wait...
Such a wide street in Mokotow.
With houses along both sides.
I'll explain everything.
Go straight... I mean right, no - left.
Here. This is 13 13.
- Have you got a knife?
- No, I've forgotten.
Have you got a pocket knife
or some other sharp thing?
Unfortunately I turned in
a straight razor right yesterday.
But that's no problem.
I'll pop home and bring something.
I'll go in a minute.
But why?
I just wanted to cross here.
We'll do without a knife.
Let's go quickly.
- To Zalesie.
- Quite a nice trip.
- Shall I drive you back too?
- No, you'll be free.
But officer...
I've got my papers in the car.
No, they aren't in the car.
I've left them all at home
because I live here.
Why should I carry them on me
in the streets; I may get mugged.
I suppose you know that the fare rate
increases by the horse race-track.
Besides you're supposed to pay
the return fare up to the city border.
Don't you worry, man.
Who can go from Zabieniec
to the Okecie Airport?
This is 13 13.
I'll be at Zabieniec in an hour.
- I'm on the way to Zalesie.
- Can you contact the base?
Yes, but only the base.
But if it's something urgent
I can transmit a message...
and they pass it
to anybody you want.
13 13, you haven't got the name
and the address of the fare.
Oh, thank you.
I'm putting it down right now.
13 Mickiewicza street,
Edmund Wisloka.
Edmund Wisloka,
13 Mickiewicza street.
I've got it. Thank you.
Turn to the right.
And pull up
by the scarecrow.
What's up?
Did you want to tell
them the address?
One more word and you'll
burn like this scarecrow.
What's going on, Jacek?
Hello, Jacek, say something.
Jacek, is it a hold-up?
Turn back.
We'll go in the opposite direction;
to Nowy Dwor Mazowiecki.
So what does it imply?
We have to inform
all our drivers and the police.
They should organize a blockade.
But so far we only know that
his transmitter is damaged...
and that he's driving
towards Zalesie.
It's a bit too little to put all
police cars into action.
What if something happens to him?
Who'll answer for that?
You've hit the nail on the head.
This is Lukasik speaking. I have
to talk to the director urgently.
What do you mean he's gone?
Oh, I see.
When he comes back, please, tell
him I have to talk to him...
about an absolutely urgent
matter. Thank you.
Well, and now we've got an alibi.
The director's secretary
will certainly confirm...
that we've done our best
about this matter.
You thought you would give me up
to the police so easily, didn't you?
You're gonna regret that.
Give it the gun now.
Who can tell me what
we have just witnessed?
His ignition, clutch
and gears have broken down.
He'll have to drive
until he runs out of petrol.
But I think the guy
is in a hurry.
The correct answer is:
the driver doesn't obey
the traffic regulations.
It's quite common...
but I don't advise you to follow
this example in the exam.
Green light.
First gear and move on.
What is it? Don't play
any rotten tricks on me.
I've got a flat tire.
I have to change it.
Don't stop or I'll spray that.
The wheel rim will get ruined.
- It's not fair.
- Don't worry. I just need a car.
For one day.
Hey, man.
Leave me alone, man.
It's all about plenty of dough:
we'll share it out.
Please, get me Warsaw,
Mr. Brok the lawyer.
Otherwise I won't say anything.
I'll explain everything
without a lawyer.
Call Warsaw Taxi Enterprise.
Am I a post office, or what?
Can I see your papers?
You did right not alerting
whole Warsaw.
We should do
everything ourselves.
It saves money to say
nothing about gasoline.
- No panic in the first place.
- That's right.
Everything would be perfect...
but for the passenger's complaint
about not having been served right.
What?
What did you say?
- That impudent bastard...
- Not this one. Wisloka from Zabieniec.
He missed the plane that was
to take him to a wedding.
His own one, unfortunately.
It's not fair.
The tire is all tattered.
The car will get ruined.
Where shall I get a new one from?
For there was nothing else
I could do about it.
I saw a broken hay-fork lying
on the road and ran over it.
Driving with a flat tire
causes great turbulence...
so the bandit had to watch
not to lose his balance.
Stop, thank you.
I didn't say to you
but to the cameraman.
I'm going to ask you for your personal
reflection. The question is:
If you were to be born once again
whom would you like to be?
I'd like to be Boguslaw Radziwill,
the one from 'Deluge'...
but I'd arrange everything
differently.
Excuse me, but this isn't
a good persona reflection.
Just say: I'd like to be
a taxi-driver, O.K.?
But I wouldn't like to be
a taxi-driver for the second time.
Action!
If you were to be born again
whom would you like to be?
Just a minute; the end of the film.
I have to load another cassette.
Such recording afterwards
isn't very effective.
I always think that there's
some trickery or concealing in it.
You can't expect us to
accompany you in such situations.
In America all cabmen
keep dogs in their cars...
and no bandit even tries
to be aggressive.
The same motion was put forward
at the meeting of our self-government.
But it wasn't passed because there was
nowhere to get food for the dogs from.
Nobody wanted to share
their meat coupons.
But the director promised to install
little cameras in every car...
and thus everything
will be recorded in the base.
That'd be great material.
- No free-rider will manage to escape.
- It'll also put an end to extra fares.
New technology will give rise
to new techniques.
O.K. Let's get to work.
The sun is getting lower.
The lens is blinking; it's too dark.
A little gift for you.
Oh, I like it. Against blazing.
Thank you.
You're right saying that no
reconstruction is 100% reliable.
I dream of a theme that
would provoke viewers...
and thus would have to be
continued. And earthquake.
There was such a program on TV,
"Witnesses" or something.
First they'd show some old
document or picture...
and next people'd come and talk
about them; I liked it.
Ready.
You know what? It's too dark.
Let's do it outside.
I think I've got some idea.
Listen.
Our taxi enterprise doesn't
like employing women.
Just a moment.
Attention!
Action!
Our taxi enterprise doesn?t
like employing women.
But one girl was so determined
to be a taxi-driver...
that nobody could persuade her
that it wasn't a job for a woman.
She decided to call at the human
resources office disguised as a man.
- And did she pass the exam?
- She did it perfectly.
Not long ago, some foreigner,
being absolutely convinced...
of her being an attractive man,
tried to abuse her.
Apparently, such were
his preferences.
- Perhaps he was an invalid.
- Nothing of the kind.
A healthy student of architecture
and a karateist from the Third World.
And she literally made a fool of him;
he didn't know which way to flee...
and I'm sure he still thinks
he was beaten up by a man.
But she is still afraid
to tell the truth.
Who was the first to find
out about it?
I was.
You see, she is my partner.
We both drive this taxi.
A taxi-driver must be
a born psychologist...
for otherwise the fares
would keep gypping us...
I mean leave without paying.
I put a number of incidents into
a logical order and solver the puzzle.
And you told everyone
about your discovery?
Just think what her
parents would do.
Very noble and honest people,
only a bit old-fashioned.
If they learnt that Kasia...
that is their daughter,
has such crazy ideas.
Now you're telling
all Poland about it.
But I'm not mentioning her name.
Besides plenty of such things
take place in our country.
I think it wasn't the hardest thing
in her male career.
The most difficult thing was
to get male papers.
You know, an ID...
of a man who would look
at least a bit similar to her.
Krashan? At last.
Where have you been?
Are you watching TV? No?
Then you'd better do it.
Turn it on, watch and come
over to my place at once.
She arranged 30 tires
for the taxis.
It was even more difficult
than that fight, I think.
What do you consider to be the
greatest achievement of your partner?
The fact that she's managed
to fool the best specialist...
in all kinds of mystification,
that is our personnel manager.
This is a real success.
You've just seen
the program "Alternates".
Now we're going to show you
an American thriller:
"The Murderer Takes It All".
The plot of the film is woven around
a puzzle keeping everyone...
in suspense namely: who killed
the king of car-sharpers' - Palmer.
The masterly narration...
makes no viewer suspect Palmer's
bodyguard - Williams, of the murder.
The last scene shows that the motive
for the crime was merciless vendetta.
Now I wish you many hours
of suspense and astonishment.
Lukasik speaking.
- Have you seen it?
- Yes, I have.
Now you can tell everyone
how she's made fools of us.
To be honest I've known about this
masquerade since the very beginning.
We have known.
Yes, we have.
We didn't want to be spoilsports.
Women are dear to our hearts.
She's even been promoted.
And stick to that, my dear.
- Bye. Cheers.
- See you.
It's advantageous in
two ways. Firstly:
they still haven't found the dough.
Secondly: this competitor...
is going to spend more time behind
the bars so don't spoil this chance.
Understand.
- Have you seen that girl from 13 13?
- She's O.K.
One wouldn't be scare to go
for a walk through Wolomin with her.
I'll tell you something better.
She and my wife...
- No, forget it.
- Oh, come on.
That's what you call
using a big stick.
None of those big guns
will dare to touch you now.
This is simple truth.
Or even more than that.
Now you can start life together.
How about the flat?
We find Zenon Kusmider guilty
of threatening Jacek Zydkiewicz...
the driver of taxi 13 13, with
pouring self-igniting substance...
on him thus with injuring
or even killing him.
He forced him to continue driving
towards Nowy Dwor against his will.
By virtue of the penal code,
article 167, point 1...
he is sentenced to 18 months
in prison. Sit down, please.
Not bad.
We'll have a retrial and I'm sure
we'll reduce the sentence by a half.
Next you'll be given the other nine
months' remission for good behavior.
Besides, there's your poor health...
and the favorable opinion
of psychiatrists.
Talking about psychiatrists,
why do you pick on that taxi-driver?
No motive at all.
But it might be a very good point
in the psychiatric certificate.
In general, everything has gone well.
I'm very satisfied.
Thank you very much,
that's all.
It means that not everything is lost.
We can't let ourselves be outstripped.
So we've got rid of that pervert
for the nearest 18 months.
You'd better see
who's leaving.
We just mustn't let ourselves
be outstripped.
You look somewhat depressed, professor.
What's happened?
- My wife has left for Miczurin.
- For what?
- She's on holidays in Bulgaria.
- Oh, I see. So what?
After all she isn't going
to stay there forever.
Of course not but there's something
to worry about. Look, what is it?
- Nivea.
- Nivea creme. 100 boxes of it.
One box is 20 zlotys and in Bulgaria
2 levs.1 dollar is 3 levs.
So how much does it all make? You don't
have to count. I know how much it is.
I managed to buy it in Grojec.
And ill fortune: I arrive home
and my wife's just left.
The coach broke down in Grojec,
5 miles from the nearest phone booth.
In materialism there is no room
for the concept of fortune.
There're more things...
in heaven and earth than are dreamt
of in your philosophy.
- Let's go. Get in, professor.
- No, no, thank you.
- No, do get in, please.
- After you, professor.
- Where are we going, sir?
- To Ursynow, to that private...
There're more things...
in heaven and earth that are
dreamt of in your science.
- I know; it's from Hamlet.
- No, from Ursynow.
- How come?
- As my block of flats was being built
brickman cursed the flat next to mine
because nothing went all right there.
The man who got that flat had
a heart attack and popped off.
Such happiness may kill.
The next guy moved in,
had the flat redecorated:
beautiful arches, a parquet-like
finish - marvelous. And what?
The flat got alloted to someone else.
- It happens.
- That's not all. Next some VIP got it.
After he had lived there for some time
he went abroad and never returned.
The one in whose flat
they made a kindergarten?
No, they made it
at our haberdasher's.
Didn't anybody else move in?
No, they bricked the door up,
removed the furniture.
- How come?
- I mean - first removed the furniture.
And now the horror begins.
That block is haunted.
Don't laugh so scientifically.
You know me; I'm not chicken-hearted.
I can tell off anyone at a symposium.
But it's literally haunted.
- You can hear that at night.
- Don't knock so hard.
It's not me but the ghost.
It knocks, screams, smacks, groans.
- And what?
- What? Nothing, sir.
It's only parapsychology
that can explain such phenomena.
What's happened?
We've covered
200 thousand kilometers.
- Today?
- Together with us?
The car without a crash, the distance
limit - covered so we'll have to part.
- Is it going to be scrapped?
- No, to be put up to auction.
- You've made a profit on it too.
- Namely what?
- On this occasion this ride is free.
- This is a secular tradition.
I wish I had known that earlier;
we'd have gone to Grojec.
- I'll stand at the end of the line.
- Of both lines, O.K.?
Thanks for the free ride
and this is from me - free to.
Are you free?
7 Komuny Paryskiej square.
Go ahead, master.
We'll have enough creme
till the end of your life.
- I won't live that long.
- Sell it then.
I'm no trader.
Do you believe in ghosts, Kasia?
I believe that they really
bricked up that flat.
As soon as everything gets forgotten
they'll sell it for heavy money.
- Very clever.
- Jacek, this is an uninhabited flat.
So what?
He who reports about an uninhabited
flat has the right to apply for it.
But we don't even know
where that professor lives.
he could have gone to buy black
pudding from some other district.
No, he lives no farther than
200 meters from the store...
and besides he must be still
standing in that line.
Stop kidding, Kasia.
I don't mean it doesn't pay to go
from far away to buy black pudding.
But when he learned
the ride was free...
he wouldn't have left so easily
if he had lived far away.
He'd have told you to
drive him up the stairs.
he wished he had been
going to Grojec.
You see?
Hi, Marek. Will you take a fare
to 7 Komuny Square?
All right. Is anything wrong?
We must be going
or else we'll lose a flat.
That's all right with me
as I'll pop into the kindergarten.
What's happened?
Are we there?
No, just a breakdown;
we've run out of gas.
Don't pay for the service
that hasn't been performed to the end.
- I see.
- Thank you very much.
BLACK PUDDING, HEADCHEESE, PATE.
Damn it.
CLOSED
EVERYTHING SOLD OUT
Excuse me, madam.
What is it?
It says here.
We're looking for a man
who was standing here a while ago.
You see, a prize falls to him
by right from our company.
It's turned out that he was
the one hundred millionth fare.
- Such a thin professor in glasses.
- Every professor is thin.
There're plenty of them in this area.
We don't differentiate between them.
- Ask janitors.
- But where shall we look for them?
Where they usually are at this hour;
they're watering whatever possible.
Excuse me, don't you know
where some professor live here?
Appointed or normal?
I don't know; he didn't have
it written on his forehead.
Bunches of professors
live here.
- What's his name?
- But we don't know his name.
Why are you looking for him?
We're from Warsaw Taxi Enterprise.
We're taxi-drivers. This man
has left a book in our car.
Don't water around.
So will you help us
with that professor?
Five professors live
in our block of flats.
Flat numbers: 15, 8, 6, 12, 4.
Thank you very much.
By the way,
why are you doing this?
I like it and everything around
has already been watered.
Here.
Good morning.
We'd like to see
professor Kwiatek.
Yes, what about?
We'd like to see
professor personally.
- Well, I'm listening.
- Well then, he was going by taxi...
But I am professor Kwiatek.
My husband is just an MA.
Besides he isn't in Warsaw
at the moment.
Have you read the Express?
Some professor Malinowski wrote
Sexual Life of the Savage.
That sound possible...
because that professor often
travels to Bulgaria with Nivea.
What can I do for you?
We'd like to see
professor Malinowski.
Professor Malinowski
has left for Tess.
And at the moment
I take care of his flat.
- What's the problem?
- Nothing. We didn't know he'd left.
This is all legal.
I'm his relative.
We're both take care of the flat;
we water plants...
Well, shall we keep searching?
In this way we shall never
check all professors.
And there'll be no flat.
We look for that professor
unnecessarily. There're 1000 of them...
and only one flat and...
It's all lost.
Nothing works;
everything is against us.
Why is she crying?
She can't find the flat
which is said to be haunted.
If I take you there will you sign
my list of good deeds?
In my time it was called
a voluntary action.
Let's go.
Oh, God.
It's haunted at day time too.
A ghost is no problem. After all
we can share the flat with it.
One life's not enough to handle
the abundance of the burden.
Episode XIV
KISS ME, KASIA
Who'll replace you for a while?
Lessen daily problems file?
A trustworthy alternate,
him and you, hand in hand.
World's spinning, time's flowing,
life's passing.
And the voice that keeps repeating:
Radio Taxi, please hold on.
We shall wait, we'll hang on,
we shall get to where we're told.
Frankly speaking,
everything's got its price.
If you're not equal to a task,
your alternate's the one to ask.
The right man that takes things easy
though spare part's often missing.
Dear faithful alternate's like
a spare wheel when you need it.
We know well those bends and junctions
we respect our memories.
Radio Taxi, hold the line.
We will do with understanding
being also understood.
Our life's being reeled,
spinning like fast like a car's wheel.
Speed it up and scud along
your alternate'll keep the pace.
Spinning round the serpentines,
moving on or underground.
Radio Taxi please hold on.
We shall wait.
There has to be something... There
has to be something round the bend.
13 13, over.
This is 13 13.
I'm in Mostowa street.
A fare is waiting for you in
Ursynow, at 4 Alternatywy street.
- You're to be there in 15 minutes.
- In Ursynow?
- It'll cost a fortune.
- It's not your business.
- You drive this car long time?
- Why, is this an exam?
Get in and give me the address
or pay for my coming here.
My colleague and I take turns;
you probably have him in mind.
I understand.
You go.
Grochowska street.
I show you where.
- Are you going to Praga by any chance?
- Get in, madam.
These two ladies are with me too.
Let's put this suitcase between our
legs so that there's more space.
- Are you from Targowek?
- From Siam.
My late husband used to work here,
building the underground.
He had the miner's category.
But after the accident
I took my authorization...
and collected the coupons as usual.
Then the next month passed.
And I thought I should go there again
as I had another authorization.
So I thought I might see
if anything would come out of it.
Bu there was such a mess
that they gave them to me.
So I take them every month.
To prevent the secret from being
revealed I wear different colors.
Once it's yellow,
next time it's pink.
But as you see
I usually wear mourning.
Yet I fear that one day
the secret will be out...
as I?ve already taken
a great deal of them.
It's a puzzle, indeed for coupons
themselves cost little, right?
Yet suppose you were to give them back.
After all you paid for the meat, right?
- I've enough of that...
- Fear?
I have enough of that meat;
never had more before.
We're approaching Grochowska street;
where shall I stop?
I forget something important.
We must go back Alternatywy street.
But first this lady; drive on.
61 Targowa street.
How much, sir?
- 330 but for you it's only 300.
- Here.
Thank you.
Good-bye.
- Can we take him?
- You drive on, drive on.
Will you take me to Ursynow?
I pay all the fare.
- Get in. I'm going right there.
- 24 Herbsta street.
You drive on, drive on.
Here we are.
I not take the key
to Alternatywy home.
I must go back again.
Go to Grochowska street.
Once again, understand?
No extra passengers, understand?
Understand.
Let it be my loss.
We run like a bus,
to and from.
- What's up? Have you lost anything?
- No.
- Shall I stop?
- Everything O.K. Drive on.
What are you doing, man?
Now you sit at the front, buddy.
I tell you the truth. I am very sick.
Very sick. I need medicine.
You buy aspirin for me.
Here's Polish money.
You go and buy me medicine.
Very sick.
Wait, I have some aspirin
somewhere here.
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- And what?
- Thank you.
Help!
Police, help!
- Where to?
- Perhaps we should call the police?
Are you nuts?
We should first find out all about it
before we give any evidence.
Police!
- As in a movie.
- Right.
Help, help!
You don't call police. You endanger
the Polish-Siamese friendship.
I study architecture.
This is my passport.
You don't call police.
So you are from the other
legal tender zone.
Then I don't understand anything now.
I thought you wanted money.
- I like you as a man.
- Pervert.
You don't want you partner
tell your boss...
you're very appetizing for men.
Get lost, you faggot.
Get out of my sight.
You were right.
- What's happened to you?
- Nothing. I've been changing a wheel.
- Then I don't have the spare one.
- You have the wheel and everything...
Wait, Marian. Listen.
You shouldn't walk
around like this.
A man should be elegant.
You should take more care of yourself.
I'll lend you a shirt if you want.
I've just bought two.
For me it's a bit too tight but
it will be the right size for you.
- Take off this rag.
- Don't touch it; I can mend it.
- Why are you so weird?
- I'm going home so I'll mend it.
As you wish.
Your partner is somewhat weird.
What do you know about him?
What do you want of him?
He's all right.
He used to run after women a bit
but that lesson did him good.
- What did he actually say in court?
- That he had been sterilized.
Such young and stupid guys can eve
injure themselves for the whole life...
to enjoy a few years of freedom.
You'd better check him;
something's wrong.
- So that you don't get into trouble.
- Maybe you're right.
- Are you free?
- No.
The V-belt has broken and
I have to stop at every tram stop.
Besides I'm returning
to the base.
- Good morning. I'm examining balconies.
- Come in. What's happened?
- Don't you know that they fall down?
- My God, where?!
In various places,
usually in the streets.
Then check it decently.
You won't regret it, my dear.
It may be dangerous here.
Botcher.
I was the third in line
to boy this loin of pork.
One man bought the bacon;
nothing else but fat and bones.
Then a women carrying a child
squeezed in.
But she had to give in;
her arms couldn't stand it.
The boy was about 10
and wanted to go to school.
His friends call him 'a store
boy' while in the schoolyard...
he's their general.
Anyway I was just
about to buy...
that loin of pork when
Oltarzewska turned up.
Of course I let her stand before me
and she bought all that loin of pork.
- How clever of you two.
- Nothing of that kind.
She didn't share it with me.
Our friendship is over.
You think you know someone inside out
yet you may be greatly mistaken.
- I like that Jacek more and more.
- He might be worse.
I think that if you
work together...
you might start
being together?
Please, don't you ever
mention that again, O.K.?
You're too shy and men
aren't quick-witted enough.
But I'll suggest that to him myself
next time I see him.
Mum, if you breathe a word
to him I'll move out.
He mustn't even know
that I work as a taxi-driver.
- Why not?
- Because I'd be ashamed.
- Well then, is it going to fall down?
- With a great thunder.
- I don't understand anything.
- Neither do I.
What has come over you?
- Have you mended it?
- Yes, I have.
- Have you ironed and washed it?
- Yes, but in the reverse order.
- By yourself?
- By myself.
- You know what? You're a swine.
- Jacek, why?
Let's talk like men.
Why, are you crazy?
Jacek, please don't.
- You're scared, aren't you.
- Please, don't...
Yes, I know I'm late.
I've received great news.
We've received 10 brand new cars.
- Where're they to be collected from?
- From Medyka or somewhere.
Please, please.
Jacek.
Stop that, Jacek.
My beloved one.
Kasia.
My beloved one.
I want 10 drivers to get gas coupons
and to get ready for a business trip.
I'll see to V-belts
and batteries myself.
- I caught a cold in the Lazienki Park.
- That's O.K.
I have some aspirin in the car.
You know: a dancer, a collector,
an artist, a diplomat...
a writer, a director... But a simple
driver with another driver?
I suppose that's
something new here.
I've got something
for your collection.
I understand someone's
being in a hurry but...
his hoping to shave in a fast-moving
car is beyond my comprehension.
In my store-room there's
a baby pram for twins...
an elephant harness
and tear gas.
When a guy goes by a cab
he doesn't think about anything.
A nice thing, an English make.
Someone will certainly
come to collect it.
You know what?
He tried to pick me up.
Not the real Marian Koniuszko
but some foreigner.
- Actually I suppose he was serious.
- Don't trust anybody.
Men think that if a girl drives
and they pay...
they have the right
to do anything.
- But he didn't know I'm a girl.
- And what?
He tried to use force so
I dragged him out of the car...
and next he only begged for mercy.
- You know I practice karate, don't you?
- Yes, I do.
Listen, he was a normal,
healthy man.
Well, he wasn't all that normal,
I suppose.
You have to realize
how important it is.
We immediately have to tell
Stasio Lesiak about it.
I can see a ray of hope.
First of all I must admit
that I feel relieved...
for I haven't been able to stand the sight
of you two for the last week.
But there'll be problems
with disclosing it.
Why? After all she didn't get employed
for she wasn't believed to be able...
to handle aggressive passengers.
Now we've got a counterargument.
She's beaten up a grown-up man.
In black and white.
No, it's not that.
They just won't bear the fact that...
they've been being taken in for so long.
And if the news spreads...
they'll be blamed
for lack of vigilance.
We should search their CVs
for something.
People certainly know something
about them.
We shall not use
their methods.
To reverse the situation we
should use some serious argument.
For example: she rescued
some official's wife from fire...
or she won the Peace Marathon.
Beating up some foreigner
is slightly too little.
But what really matters
is that you're all right.
Where are you hurrying?
You won't miss your funeral.
We're going to...
Wait...
Such a wide street in Mokotow.
With houses along both sides.
I'll explain everything.
Go straight... I mean right, no - left.
Here. This is 13 13.
- Have you got a knife?
- No, I've forgotten.
Have you got a pocket knife
or some other sharp thing?
Unfortunately I turned in
a straight razor right yesterday.
But that's no problem.
I'll pop home and bring something.
I'll go in a minute.
But why?
I just wanted to cross here.
We'll do without a knife.
Let's go quickly.
- To Zalesie.
- Quite a nice trip.
- Shall I drive you back too?
- No, you'll be free.
But officer...
I've got my papers in the car.
No, they aren't in the car.
I've left them all at home
because I live here.
Why should I carry them on me
in the streets; I may get mugged.
I suppose you know that the fare rate
increases by the horse race-track.
Besides you're supposed to pay
the return fare up to the city border.
Don't you worry, man.
Who can go from Zabieniec
to the Okecie Airport?
This is 13 13.
I'll be at Zabieniec in an hour.
- I'm on the way to Zalesie.
- Can you contact the base?
Yes, but only the base.
But if it's something urgent
I can transmit a message...
and they pass it
to anybody you want.
13 13, you haven't got the name
and the address of the fare.
Oh, thank you.
I'm putting it down right now.
13 Mickiewicza street,
Edmund Wisloka.
Edmund Wisloka,
13 Mickiewicza street.
I've got it. Thank you.
Turn to the right.
And pull up
by the scarecrow.
What's up?
Did you want to tell
them the address?
One more word and you'll
burn like this scarecrow.
What's going on, Jacek?
Hello, Jacek, say something.
Jacek, is it a hold-up?
Turn back.
We'll go in the opposite direction;
to Nowy Dwor Mazowiecki.
So what does it imply?
We have to inform
all our drivers and the police.
They should organize a blockade.
But so far we only know that
his transmitter is damaged...
and that he's driving
towards Zalesie.
It's a bit too little to put all
police cars into action.
What if something happens to him?
Who'll answer for that?
You've hit the nail on the head.
This is Lukasik speaking. I have
to talk to the director urgently.
What do you mean he's gone?
Oh, I see.
When he comes back, please, tell
him I have to talk to him...
about an absolutely urgent
matter. Thank you.
Well, and now we've got an alibi.
The director's secretary
will certainly confirm...
that we've done our best
about this matter.
You thought you would give me up
to the police so easily, didn't you?
You're gonna regret that.
Give it the gun now.
Who can tell me what
we have just witnessed?
His ignition, clutch
and gears have broken down.
He'll have to drive
until he runs out of petrol.
But I think the guy
is in a hurry.
The correct answer is:
the driver doesn't obey
the traffic regulations.
It's quite common...
but I don't advise you to follow
this example in the exam.
Green light.
First gear and move on.
What is it? Don't play
any rotten tricks on me.
I've got a flat tire.
I have to change it.
Don't stop or I'll spray that.
The wheel rim will get ruined.
- It's not fair.
- Don't worry. I just need a car.
For one day.
Hey, man.
Leave me alone, man.
It's all about plenty of dough:
we'll share it out.
Please, get me Warsaw,
Mr. Brok the lawyer.
Otherwise I won't say anything.
I'll explain everything
without a lawyer.
Call Warsaw Taxi Enterprise.
Am I a post office, or what?
Can I see your papers?
You did right not alerting
whole Warsaw.
We should do
everything ourselves.
It saves money to say
nothing about gasoline.
- No panic in the first place.
- That's right.
Everything would be perfect...
but for the passenger's complaint
about not having been served right.
What?
What did you say?
- That impudent bastard...
- Not this one. Wisloka from Zabieniec.
He missed the plane that was
to take him to a wedding.
His own one, unfortunately.
It's not fair.
The tire is all tattered.
The car will get ruined.
Where shall I get a new one from?
For there was nothing else
I could do about it.
I saw a broken hay-fork lying
on the road and ran over it.
Driving with a flat tire
causes great turbulence...
so the bandit had to watch
not to lose his balance.
Stop, thank you.
I didn't say to you
but to the cameraman.
I'm going to ask you for your personal
reflection. The question is:
If you were to be born once again
whom would you like to be?
I'd like to be Boguslaw Radziwill,
the one from 'Deluge'...
but I'd arrange everything
differently.
Excuse me, but this isn't
a good persona reflection.
Just say: I'd like to be
a taxi-driver, O.K.?
But I wouldn't like to be
a taxi-driver for the second time.
Action!
If you were to be born again
whom would you like to be?
Just a minute; the end of the film.
I have to load another cassette.
Such recording afterwards
isn't very effective.
I always think that there's
some trickery or concealing in it.
You can't expect us to
accompany you in such situations.
In America all cabmen
keep dogs in their cars...
and no bandit even tries
to be aggressive.
The same motion was put forward
at the meeting of our self-government.
But it wasn't passed because there was
nowhere to get food for the dogs from.
Nobody wanted to share
their meat coupons.
But the director promised to install
little cameras in every car...
and thus everything
will be recorded in the base.
That'd be great material.
- No free-rider will manage to escape.
- It'll also put an end to extra fares.
New technology will give rise
to new techniques.
O.K. Let's get to work.
The sun is getting lower.
The lens is blinking; it's too dark.
A little gift for you.
Oh, I like it. Against blazing.
Thank you.
You're right saying that no
reconstruction is 100% reliable.
I dream of a theme that
would provoke viewers...
and thus would have to be
continued. And earthquake.
There was such a program on TV,
"Witnesses" or something.
First they'd show some old
document or picture...
and next people'd come and talk
about them; I liked it.
Ready.
You know what? It's too dark.
Let's do it outside.
I think I've got some idea.
Listen.
Our taxi enterprise doesn't
like employing women.
Just a moment.
Attention!
Action!
Our taxi enterprise doesn?t
like employing women.
But one girl was so determined
to be a taxi-driver...
that nobody could persuade her
that it wasn't a job for a woman.
She decided to call at the human
resources office disguised as a man.
- And did she pass the exam?
- She did it perfectly.
Not long ago, some foreigner,
being absolutely convinced...
of her being an attractive man,
tried to abuse her.
Apparently, such were
his preferences.
- Perhaps he was an invalid.
- Nothing of the kind.
A healthy student of architecture
and a karateist from the Third World.
And she literally made a fool of him;
he didn't know which way to flee...
and I'm sure he still thinks
he was beaten up by a man.
But she is still afraid
to tell the truth.
Who was the first to find
out about it?
I was.
You see, she is my partner.
We both drive this taxi.
A taxi-driver must be
a born psychologist...
for otherwise the fares
would keep gypping us...
I mean leave without paying.
I put a number of incidents into
a logical order and solver the puzzle.
And you told everyone
about your discovery?
Just think what her
parents would do.
Very noble and honest people,
only a bit old-fashioned.
If they learnt that Kasia...
that is their daughter,
has such crazy ideas.
Now you're telling
all Poland about it.
But I'm not mentioning her name.
Besides plenty of such things
take place in our country.
I think it wasn't the hardest thing
in her male career.
The most difficult thing was
to get male papers.
You know, an ID...
of a man who would look
at least a bit similar to her.
Krashan? At last.
Where have you been?
Are you watching TV? No?
Then you'd better do it.
Turn it on, watch and come
over to my place at once.
She arranged 30 tires
for the taxis.
It was even more difficult
than that fight, I think.
What do you consider to be the
greatest achievement of your partner?
The fact that she's managed
to fool the best specialist...
in all kinds of mystification,
that is our personnel manager.
This is a real success.
You've just seen
the program "Alternates".
Now we're going to show you
an American thriller:
"The Murderer Takes It All".
The plot of the film is woven around
a puzzle keeping everyone...
in suspense namely: who killed
the king of car-sharpers' - Palmer.
The masterly narration...
makes no viewer suspect Palmer's
bodyguard - Williams, of the murder.
The last scene shows that the motive
for the crime was merciless vendetta.
Now I wish you many hours
of suspense and astonishment.
Lukasik speaking.
- Have you seen it?
- Yes, I have.
Now you can tell everyone
how she's made fools of us.
To be honest I've known about this
masquerade since the very beginning.
We have known.
Yes, we have.
We didn't want to be spoilsports.
Women are dear to our hearts.
She's even been promoted.
And stick to that, my dear.
- Bye. Cheers.
- See you.
It's advantageous in
two ways. Firstly:
they still haven't found the dough.
Secondly: this competitor...
is going to spend more time behind
the bars so don't spoil this chance.
Understand.
- Have you seen that girl from 13 13?
- She's O.K.
One wouldn't be scare to go
for a walk through Wolomin with her.
I'll tell you something better.
She and my wife...
- No, forget it.
- Oh, come on.
That's what you call
using a big stick.
None of those big guns
will dare to touch you now.
This is simple truth.
Or even more than that.
Now you can start life together.
How about the flat?
We find Zenon Kusmider guilty
of threatening Jacek Zydkiewicz...
the driver of taxi 13 13, with
pouring self-igniting substance...
on him thus with injuring
or even killing him.
He forced him to continue driving
towards Nowy Dwor against his will.
By virtue of the penal code,
article 167, point 1...
he is sentenced to 18 months
in prison. Sit down, please.
Not bad.
We'll have a retrial and I'm sure
we'll reduce the sentence by a half.
Next you'll be given the other nine
months' remission for good behavior.
Besides, there's your poor health...
and the favorable opinion
of psychiatrists.
Talking about psychiatrists,
why do you pick on that taxi-driver?
No motive at all.
But it might be a very good point
in the psychiatric certificate.
In general, everything has gone well.
I'm very satisfied.
Thank you very much,
that's all.
It means that not everything is lost.
We can't let ourselves be outstripped.
So we've got rid of that pervert
for the nearest 18 months.
You'd better see
who's leaving.
We just mustn't let ourselves
be outstripped.
You look somewhat depressed, professor.
What's happened?
- My wife has left for Miczurin.
- For what?
- She's on holidays in Bulgaria.
- Oh, I see. So what?
After all she isn't going
to stay there forever.
Of course not but there's something
to worry about. Look, what is it?
- Nivea.
- Nivea creme. 100 boxes of it.
One box is 20 zlotys and in Bulgaria
2 levs.1 dollar is 3 levs.
So how much does it all make? You don't
have to count. I know how much it is.
I managed to buy it in Grojec.
And ill fortune: I arrive home
and my wife's just left.
The coach broke down in Grojec,
5 miles from the nearest phone booth.
In materialism there is no room
for the concept of fortune.
There're more things...
in heaven and earth than are dreamt
of in your philosophy.
- Let's go. Get in, professor.
- No, no, thank you.
- No, do get in, please.
- After you, professor.
- Where are we going, sir?
- To Ursynow, to that private...
There're more things...
in heaven and earth that are
dreamt of in your science.
- I know; it's from Hamlet.
- No, from Ursynow.
- How come?
- As my block of flats was being built
brickman cursed the flat next to mine
because nothing went all right there.
The man who got that flat had
a heart attack and popped off.
Such happiness may kill.
The next guy moved in,
had the flat redecorated:
beautiful arches, a parquet-like
finish - marvelous. And what?
The flat got alloted to someone else.
- It happens.
- That's not all. Next some VIP got it.
After he had lived there for some time
he went abroad and never returned.
The one in whose flat
they made a kindergarten?
No, they made it
at our haberdasher's.
Didn't anybody else move in?
No, they bricked the door up,
removed the furniture.
- How come?
- I mean - first removed the furniture.
And now the horror begins.
That block is haunted.
Don't laugh so scientifically.
You know me; I'm not chicken-hearted.
I can tell off anyone at a symposium.
But it's literally haunted.
- You can hear that at night.
- Don't knock so hard.
It's not me but the ghost.
It knocks, screams, smacks, groans.
- And what?
- What? Nothing, sir.
It's only parapsychology
that can explain such phenomena.
What's happened?
We've covered
200 thousand kilometers.
- Today?
- Together with us?
The car without a crash, the distance
limit - covered so we'll have to part.
- Is it going to be scrapped?
- No, to be put up to auction.
- You've made a profit on it too.
- Namely what?
- On this occasion this ride is free.
- This is a secular tradition.
I wish I had known that earlier;
we'd have gone to Grojec.
- I'll stand at the end of the line.
- Of both lines, O.K.?
Thanks for the free ride
and this is from me - free to.
Are you free?
7 Komuny Paryskiej square.
Go ahead, master.
We'll have enough creme
till the end of your life.
- I won't live that long.
- Sell it then.
I'm no trader.
Do you believe in ghosts, Kasia?
I believe that they really
bricked up that flat.
As soon as everything gets forgotten
they'll sell it for heavy money.
- Very clever.
- Jacek, this is an uninhabited flat.
So what?
He who reports about an uninhabited
flat has the right to apply for it.
But we don't even know
where that professor lives.
he could have gone to buy black
pudding from some other district.
No, he lives no farther than
200 meters from the store...
and besides he must be still
standing in that line.
Stop kidding, Kasia.
I don't mean it doesn't pay to go
from far away to buy black pudding.
But when he learned
the ride was free...
he wouldn't have left so easily
if he had lived far away.
He'd have told you to
drive him up the stairs.
he wished he had been
going to Grojec.
You see?
Hi, Marek. Will you take a fare
to 7 Komuny Square?
All right. Is anything wrong?
We must be going
or else we'll lose a flat.
That's all right with me
as I'll pop into the kindergarten.
What's happened?
Are we there?
No, just a breakdown;
we've run out of gas.
Don't pay for the service
that hasn't been performed to the end.
- I see.
- Thank you very much.
BLACK PUDDING, HEADCHEESE, PATE.
Damn it.
CLOSED
EVERYTHING SOLD OUT
Excuse me, madam.
What is it?
It says here.
We're looking for a man
who was standing here a while ago.
You see, a prize falls to him
by right from our company.
It's turned out that he was
the one hundred millionth fare.
- Such a thin professor in glasses.
- Every professor is thin.
There're plenty of them in this area.
We don't differentiate between them.
- Ask janitors.
- But where shall we look for them?
Where they usually are at this hour;
they're watering whatever possible.
Excuse me, don't you know
where some professor live here?
Appointed or normal?
I don't know; he didn't have
it written on his forehead.
Bunches of professors
live here.
- What's his name?
- But we don't know his name.
Why are you looking for him?
We're from Warsaw Taxi Enterprise.
We're taxi-drivers. This man
has left a book in our car.
Don't water around.
So will you help us
with that professor?
Five professors live
in our block of flats.
Flat numbers: 15, 8, 6, 12, 4.
Thank you very much.
By the way,
why are you doing this?
I like it and everything around
has already been watered.
Here.
Good morning.
We'd like to see
professor Kwiatek.
Yes, what about?
We'd like to see
professor personally.
- Well, I'm listening.
- Well then, he was going by taxi...
But I am professor Kwiatek.
My husband is just an MA.
Besides he isn't in Warsaw
at the moment.
Have you read the Express?
Some professor Malinowski wrote
Sexual Life of the Savage.
That sound possible...
because that professor often
travels to Bulgaria with Nivea.
What can I do for you?
We'd like to see
professor Malinowski.
Professor Malinowski
has left for Tess.
And at the moment
I take care of his flat.
- What's the problem?
- Nothing. We didn't know he'd left.
This is all legal.
I'm his relative.
We're both take care of the flat;
we water plants...
Well, shall we keep searching?
In this way we shall never
check all professors.
And there'll be no flat.
We look for that professor
unnecessarily. There're 1000 of them...
and only one flat and...
It's all lost.
Nothing works;
everything is against us.
Why is she crying?
She can't find the flat
which is said to be haunted.
If I take you there will you sign
my list of good deeds?
In my time it was called
a voluntary action.
Let's go.
Oh, God.
It's haunted at day time too.
A ghost is no problem. After all
we can share the flat with it.