Z Nation (2014–…): Season 5, Episode 7 - Episode #5.7 - full transcript
Previously on Z Nation.
Don't move!
Addy.
A great idea
is worth more than you think.
We got to find more bizkits
before every Talker turns
in Newmerica.
Promise me you will not
hand him over to Altura.
I promise.
We're searching for one
Lieutenant Dante.
Up here!
I'll let you take me.
I need to go after him.
I need to be there at his trial.
So what do you know
about this bakery?
Supposedly it's where they bake
the bizkits.
So why the big mystery around
these bizkits anyway?
Nobody likes to talk about
the fact that they contain
human brain matter.
Well where are they getting
the brains from then?
No one knows.
It's time we find out.
Brain bizkits? How was this
not your idea, Murphy?
Laugh it up, stump boy.
One of these days,
this Apocalypse is gonna make me
a rich man.
You head back in now, okay?
Hey.
Try not to eat each other
before I get back, all right?
The bizkit bakery is on the edge
of the No-Go Zone.
Not the type of place
that welcomes visitors.
Let me point out a few obvious
red flags.
Backwood yocals,
secret brain bakery,
and I'm sure I hear banjo music
in our near future.
Need I go on?
You guys follow Dante to Altura.
I'm sure you'll make sure
he has a fair trial.
We'll get the bizkits, get back
to Limbo, and we'll join you.
We're on it, chief.
All right. Well I assembled
the best of the Limbo fleet.
There you go.
Sweet.
My bad.
Does this run?
I'm a god, not a mechanic.
Well it's no El Camino,
but beggars can't be choosers.
El Camino.
Wow, they don't make them
like they used to.
They don't make anything.
At all.
True that.
Let's find that bakery.
Can you step on it, Doc? I don't
like not having eyes on Dante.
Really?
I'm gunning it.
You know you shouldn't
put your feet up like that.
If there was an accident,
the airbags could go off
and you could drive your
knees up into your brain.
It's the Apocalypse.
I think airbags
are the least of our worries.
It's one of those fears
you have growing up, I guess.
Your generation's greatest fear
was airbags?
My generation only had zombies.
I'm just saying
30 something year old airbags
are not typically
the most reliable.
Not that anything's
gonna happen.
Shit!
And you were saying?
Nope, still don't make them
like they used to.
I think I sprained my ankle.
Better than a knee
through the brain.
No, it's not.
Let me see what I got in my bag
for pain.
I don't like to prescribe
the hard stuff
when this stuff
will do you just fine.
I've never smoked before.
Good, it's a terrible habit.
Stunts your growth.
What?
I was thinking nicotine.
No, fire that puppy up.
Can you move it at all?
No. God.
Well look, tough it out
or take a hit.
But don't just let it burn out.
Here, let me have a look at it.
Okay, the weed, the weed.
Here, here.
I don't think you broke it,
but you damn sure sprained it.
Now my foot hurts
and I have a cough.
Give it a minute.
You hang tough. I'm gonna
take care of some tourists.
Poncho Zs?
Cars used to have ashtrays?
Look out, George!
Where you going?
Okay, okay.
A little help here!
Okay, I got you.
Mercy.
God.
Well I guess that spleef
is working.
Can't feel my foot.
I don't feel anything.
We better get going.
I want to get to Altura
before nightfall.
Ruh.
Ew.
You better have a seat
and get off that foot.
This could take a while.
Is that the bakery?
It looks abandoned.
Doesn't mean nobody's home.
What is it?
This must be the place.
I smell brains.
Murphy?
Get your ass
away from them skulls.
Hey.
Focus.
Looks like they left in a hurry.
Guess this clears up any mystery
of what the secret ingredient
might be.
Doesn't look like it's been
operational for a while.
Are we done?
I dunno.
I can't figure this shit out.
You catching up
on your social studies?
You know it's crazy, when I was
in school I kept thinking,
when am I ever gonna use
this stuff in real life?
Now's your chance.
I love history.
Especially when I'm buzzed.
My old man
was a big history buff.
Had a huge collection of books.
But my favorite
was this painting of the
Constitutional Convention.
Yeah, the gang was all there.
Ben Franklin
chillin' in the middle.
George Washington
presiding over it all,
with Thomas Jefferson
looking all badass.
You know,
the founding fathers
had huge pot farms.
Seriously.
They were like man,
cannabis rules.
You know, these hemp fibers are
pretty much good for anything.
Rope, banners, printing the
Bible, making the US flag,
the paper of the Constitution.
Yeah, I know, George.
I'm from the 1700's too.
I got this strand from France.
It's good for gout and migraines
and expanding your mind,
and tooth aches.
Tooth aches, you say?
Who's getting icky
with the sticky?
I cultivated it,
but I did not inhale.
It smells French.
South of Marseille.
May I?
Sorry, we ran out of matches.
Then we must invent one.
Woo! Felt that one
down in my toes.
I'm surprised those guys
got anything done,
not to mention
started a country.
How are we doing?
We're approved for liftoff.
Somebody turned that oven on.
And I'm guessing it wasn't
Betty Crocker.
Good guess.
We're definitely not here alone.
It's clear.
Hey,
you okay?
I'm fine.
Okay. Just checking.
Lefty.
Come on, Cyclops.
No, after you, Captain Hookless.
Look, I don't want to pry.
But dammit, I dunno.
I don't know
why things have to be so hard.
In between Mack and Lucy, my eye
is the least of what I've lost.
I can still feel my hand
in my dreams.
I carry heavy gear
and lace my shoes,
hold her hands.
Shoot my gun.
It's like having a friend
that was there
but isn't anymore.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hey, buddy?
You okay?
Yeah,
just all these brains laying
around give me the munchies.
Gonna need to stay hungry.
Intruders!
Don't worry, brother!
I'm coming for you!
Brother!
Psst.
No.
No, ma'am.
No, ma'am.
Sorry, ma'am.
Sit.
You're quite the handyman, Doc.
Yeah, well just think of me
as the Ben Franklin
of paraphernalia.
Okay, Mr. Franklin.
So what's the difference
between the Constitution
and the Bill of Rights?
Well, the way I heard it,
everyone was so excited
about writing the rules
for running the government,
they forgot about the people
that the government was for.
Let's just sign this sucker.
Get the party started.
I would rather chop my
right hand off than sign that!
This government
that we've created
may protect us
from foreign enemies.
But, gentlemen...
Yeah, my bad.
No zombies back then.
Ask yourself, who will protect
us from our government?
We need a Bill of Rights!
We're back to work, everyone.
I just opened
the Chateau de Chassilier.
Not my fault, quaker oats man!
In order for this nation
to work,
individuals need to understand
their inalienable rights
as citizens
and know how their government
will protect them.
Okay, well do you, smarty.
A few.
Freedom of press,
freedom of religion,
public release of knowledge
of alien life forms
and or technology.
Okay, I can see some of these
going into the Constitution.
Hey T.J.,
you're a rights kinda guy.
Write this up.
But I wrote the Constitution.
We wrote the Constitution.
No, I physically wrote...
Hey, James Madison!
What's up, puff ball.
Hey, can you just like pick ten
and write them up?
Here you go. Here you go.
Thanks.
Off to it, puddin' pants.
Great. Great.
We're making progress.
We're all making lots of
great progress.
Hey, you got some more
of that waky.
So what makes the Bill of Rights
so important?
Well it's your god-given rights
based simply on your humanity.
Unfortunately, the definition
of humanity changed
with the definition
of mortality.
Well, that's one way
of thinking about it.
But you know,
humanity's also like
compassion and brotherly love.
Like, take that dude
for example.
Now,
what makes us different from him
when it comes to basic decency?
Does he deserve to be treated
any different than you or I?
No. He has the same right
to live his life
without worrying about
the government
coming and taking his stuff,
locking him up,
and censoring his words.
That's a zombie.
Yeah. That's... that's
a bad example.
But you know
what I'm getting at.
It's knowing that you have
the power, not the government.
And it's the government's job
to protect your rights,
not infringe on 'em.
People are so afraid, they'll
do anything the government says.
Like locking up the Talkers.
Yeah, well that's when you need
a Bill of Rights,
when people are afraid and
they don't know what's right.
But what's gonna protect Dante
without a Bill of Rights?
We are.
I'm gonna give yous the same
choice I gave the last goons
that came through here
and tried to shut us down.
Chocolate or vanilla?
Mercy or Talker.
I could ask you
the same question.
I don't want to hurt you.
But I will.
Looks like we've got ourselves
a zombie standoff.
Yous got me, I got him,
and me brudder's got you both.
We're looking for bizkits.
We have starving Talkers
that are starting to turn.
Look, we're just trying
to survive ourselves.
It's crooks like you
that shut down the bakery
and turned us into
a bunch of dirty dogs.
Lower your weapons
and kindly waltz out of here
or we're all going to be
craving brains.
Look, I don't know who you think
we are. But we are not them.
That's what the last bunch said
before they started shooting.
Is that the other brudder
that's got us covered?
Hey, buddy. Dat you, brudder?
Hey, buddy.
This crazy woman here done
bust me right in the honker.
Your brudder's still human.
Let's keep it that way.
So, you's are in need
of some help, are you?
Ay, by' watch out for the
one-eyed one. She's not nice.
Not at all.
She's mean like a badger.
I thought you people
spoke English in Canada.
We do's.
You do's?
Besides, ain't no Canada.
Not no more anywho.
Yeah, no 'Merica neither
it seems.
Pardon our manners.
I'm Gilly. That there's
my brudder, Skull.
Skully for short.
But that's longer.
Okay, so look, we heard rumors
that you guys bake bizkits here.
Dat's no rumor. Dat's the truth.
Well no offense, but you look
more like butchers than bakers.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
We need bizkits.
Lots of them.
Well for dat, you're gonna
have to talk to me mum.
She's in charge of the baking.
Where might she be?
Mum?
Mum's up dare in the office.
Okay. Can we talk to her?
Well let's just go take
a little looky.
See what kind of mood she's in.
It's not as easy as all that,
now is it brudder?
No brudder, it isn't.
After the Black Rains,
we was on our way to Newmerica,
and we got turned arse
over tea kettle by a pack of Zs.
Our brudder Brenton
got all riled up
and he mercied a bunch of them,
but those Zs
took a right bite outta him.
Yeah, he was a goner for sure.
Yeah, I mean they really filled
their boots with his belly,
but he never turned.
Aye, he started acting a bit
rummy and dead-like,
but he was still talking.
So we figured he isn't dead,
he's just sickish.
Yeah, see it wasn't till mum
caught him sneaking brains
that we realized he's
one of these Talker guys.
Yeah, mum got real tired of him
sneaking off to get brains.
So she baked up some roadkill
brains into a bizkit for him.
And the more he ate, the more he
was like the brudder we knew.
See, the bizkits
kept him Canadian.
Pretty soon,
everybody wanted mum's bizkits.
So we set up the bakery.
Okay, so what happened?
Why'd y'all stop?
Well, everything
was poutine and pie
until somebody blew up the vote.
And we've been under attack
from Zs
from out of nowhere ever since.
Sounds like someone
didn't want you making bizkits.
Yeah.
We thought yous was them
come back to finish us off.
So if your mom has this
secret recipe,
why can't we just
make more bizkits?
Well you'll have to talk to mum
about that.
But she ain't been herself since
our little brudder bit her.
You might say she's a bit cranky
herself without her bizkits.
We had to lock mum up in the
office for her own good.
Since then,
the three of us have been
trying to work out the recipe
but come up short.
Three?
Yeah, we had another brudder,
Chilly.
He was with us till he tried
to take the recipe off mum.
So where's he now?
Let me guess.
He didn't get the recipe?
Gilly, look at the big brains
on Red over here.
Hey, hey. Easy.
Easy. Okay, look.
Mum's got the only
copy of the recipe on her.
Okay, she turned
about two weeks ago.
Okay, Gilly and I
are running out of options here.
How's a fella supposed to be
getting on like this?
Those deadish bastards
turned our mum and brudders.
Nor be deprived of life,
liberty, or property,
without due process of the law.
How are we gonna make sure
Dante gets due process
when there are vigilantes
out there
that think Talkers are
more zombie than human?
What do you think?
I think humans are more
dangerous than Talkers.
Or zombies.
I think the Founding Fathers
would agree with you.
Here, grab the wheel.
That's why they created
a Bill of Rights
to protect us from each other.
Many tankards of ale and more
than a few bowls of hemp
were consumed as Washington,
Jefferson, and Franklin
hammered out the first ten
amendments to the Constitution,
better known
as the Bill of Rights.
Amendment number one,
the right to bear arms
shall not be infringed.
Do we have to start off
with guns?
I mean I like a musket
as much as the next guy,
but putting it first makes us
seem a little gun crazy.
Yeah, okay, we'll flip
the first two.
Put freedom of speech first.
All right.
Good.
It'll look better. For the kids.
Speaking of gun crazy,
we need some wording in there
so nuts like that Sam Adams
does not buy a blunderbust.
Two beers and he's ready to
challenge his mother to a duel.
Okay, we'll put in some
wording about
well regulated militias
so they know we don't mean
just any fool can buy a gun.
Okay. All right, let's just
go down the list, right?
No soldiers in your house.
No illegal search and seizures.
That'll keep the lawyers busy.
All right, you cannot testify
against yourself. Love that.
What happens in Paris
stays in Paris, Ben?
Right, you know.
Paris, good times.
Paris, that's sick.
Good times.
Okay, we'll just skip past.
Right to speedy trial. Right
to jury. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Number eight.
No cruel or unusual punishment.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Considering the whole damn
Apocalypse is cruel and unusual.
Wait, we go down that road
and it won't be too long till
we're using Franklin's kites
to electrocute condemned
prisoners.
Yeah, go ahead. Laugh.
But one day,
electricity will power cities.
Mark my word.
And I'm the Easter Bunny.
Okay, Bill of Rights.
Hey! Look who the cat drug in.
It's Alexander Hamilton.
How's the banking business
going?
Great.
You cats are all on a new bill.
Ones, fives, twenties,
and a c-note.
Which one did I make.
Am I on the hundred?
Well, that's a surprise.
Meanwhile, you guys get around
to abolishing slavery?
We...
No, we are...
We are talking about that one.
And we're serious about it.
And...
Well excuse me, gentlemen.
I sure would appreciate it
if you maybe bit the bullet
and took care of this
little problem now
instead of just kicking that can
on down the road.
Man's got a point.
Well that's a cool hat
you got there, stranger.
What's your name?
You didn't see me.
I wasn't here.
You didn't see me.
I was never here.
That dude belongs on a bill.
Okay.
I dunno much about history,
but I know for damn sure
Abe Lincoln never talked to Ben
Franklin or George Washington.
You are off by like
a hundred years, man.
Well, yeah.
But that's not the point.
The point is they should've
dealt with slavery
right from the beginning.
It's a stain on America
that even a Civil War
couldn't make right.
You don't wanna make
that same mistake now.
The only hope Dante has
for a fair trial
is if they consider him
to be a human being.
If they make him out to be
anything less than that,
he doesn't stand a chance.
None of the Talkers do.
You really sneak up on a person,
Doc.
I still got a few teeth
left in my head.
How's it going there,
fabulous baker boys?
Dang it.
Jumpin' Jeeziz, you're
cheating. Come on.
Best three outta fiver.
Come on, come on.
Stop being such a sook!
Come on, man!
We all need you
to keep your wits here
or this is all gonna go south
quicker than a Newfie ski-do
hittin' ground.
Newfie ski.
That's when you hop on
a moose's back
when it's crossin' the river,
and you ride it
till it touches down.
If you're still on it
after that point,
you better be expecting
a good chomp down
cuz no moose likes a passenger.
Come on, man. No.
No. Come on, guys.
Come on.
You always pick scissors.
You're dumber than goose poop.
Hit it, Sunburn.
I can't do this.
I don't wanna do this.
Hey, brudder.
What?
I love you.
I love you too, brudder.
You're a grizzly bear.
I'm a grizzly bear.
Shh.
Ma and da boys smell like
a yeti's nut sack?
Sunburn?
Where the heck could you be?
Where's this frickin' thing at?
Go, go, go, go.
Zombie jesus.
The recipe.
The recipe.
Stupid, get out of there.
He's down!
There he is!
God.
It's pull, not push, brudder!
Okay, you got to stop pushing!
You got to stop pushing!
Chilly. Chilly, get off!
Come on.
Stay the freak away from me,
Chilly!
Get off me, Chilly!
They got him cornered.
Stay the freak away from me.
That's a bad brudder.
Your brother's got your other
brother by the mullet!
By the rat tail!
Chilly!
Chilly, get off your brudder!
Get off me, brudder! Get off me!
Okay, there's mom.
She's got something in her
mouth.
I think she's got the recipe.
It's the recipe!
Get off your brudder!
Your brother's riding your other
brother across the room.
Like a horse.
No. No, like a moose.
Definitely a moose.
Please don't!
No!
I think the only way to calm
them down at this point is to
feed them actual brains.
Looks like somebody ordered
take out.
You down to pike this one?
Got it.
Let's get that number up.
Help!
Switch!
Crack this one open.
I'm walking here.
When is everybody gonna see
that we're all in this together?
Skip ahead
to the 15th Amendment.
That's the one
we got to protect.
The rights of the citizens
of the United States to vote
shall not be denied or abridged
by the United States
or by any state
on the account of race, color...
Or previous condition
of servitude.
Yep, that makes sense.
Ya think?
Yeah, well it's gonna take
a Civil War
and the 13th Amendment
passing first.
Let's just move everything along
and pass the 13th right now.
What do you guys think?
What is it?
It abolishes slavery.
Like set them free abolish?
This may take
some further study.
No, no. No, he's right.
He's right. Okay, hear me out.
What if we were to take
the slaves
and we were to make them
like two fifths...
Make it three fifths.
Three fifths of a human being.
And then we just kept that going
for about 100 years
until we worked out the kinks.
I don't even know where to start
with you guys.
You got to be kidding me.
Just shoot me.
I hope we don't have to fight
a war
to make the Talkers
full citizens.
We may already be fighting
that war.
Everybody dies.
But just because
you got no pulse
doesn't mean
you don't have any rights.
Everybody dies.
That's it.
No, no, no, no, no.
Everybody dies.
Sooner or later,
we're all Talkers. We're all Talkers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's working.
Them brains are doing the trick
for sure.
How you doing, mum?
You with us?
My.
Did I do this?
Sure as shit, ma. It was yous.
Mum, these Americans
come looking for help.
My goodness.
I'm sorry you had to see me
looking all dead like this.
And I wish I could've given this
place a quick lick and a promise
before they showed up.
That's okay.
What can we do for ya's?
We're looking for bizkits.
The supply has been cut off,
and we have starving Talkers.
They want to know
your secret recipe.
There is so secret.
I was lacing my bizkits
with brains
for the first little while.
Then we run short of brains.
We started having flour
delivered from Heartland.
The secret ingredient
is already mixed in.
And the secret sauce is brains?
Right?
No, dear.
The secret ingredient is
love.
I don't get it.
Boys.
Look at you.
If I can help someone else
to keep from going through
what we've had to,
so be it.
We got enough brains right here
to make up a batch
of the original recipe.
Let's get shucking.
I like you.
Welcome back.
What?
They didn't get around to giving
women the right to vote
until the 19th Amendment?
And it didn't pass until 1920?
Old white dudes. What can I say?
Takes a long time
to get these things right.
Well we have to it right.
And we don't have a lot of time.
I don't like the look of this.
Is that the truck they had Dante
in?
I hope not.
Shit.
No sign of Dante.
Maybe he...
escaped like last time?
Maybe Talkers did this,
let him go?
This is what happens
to traitors.
I give you mercy.
I love the smell
of fresh baked brains
in the morning.
Well done, Mr. Murphy.
You better be careful.
We might just keep you on
as a full time baker.
Marion.
I had a great teacher.
Move over boys.
Hot coming through. Hot.
All right, now
we need to wrap them up and
stick them in here like this.
Psst.
Look, that family is not gonna
make it out there on their own.
Why don't you take them with you
to Limbo?
Yeah, sure.
Limbo could use a bakery.
I like that idea.
I'll take Addy and 10K
and go to Heartland
and figure out this flour thing
and why they stopped
the distribution.
Take care of them.
Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it.
Okay, well then be safe.
No, you be safe out there.
I don't want to have to go
traipsing around
half of Screwmerica again
to save your ass.
I don't care how many times
you got to traipse around,
you might have to save me.
But when you do, pick a color.
I mean it, Warren.
The Apocalypse wouldn't be
half as fun without you in it.
Be careful.
I love you too, Murphy.
God, keep them safe.
What do you think? Maybe
you want to say a few words?
Actions speak louder than words.
Don't move!
Addy.
A great idea
is worth more than you think.
We got to find more bizkits
before every Talker turns
in Newmerica.
Promise me you will not
hand him over to Altura.
I promise.
We're searching for one
Lieutenant Dante.
Up here!
I'll let you take me.
I need to go after him.
I need to be there at his trial.
So what do you know
about this bakery?
Supposedly it's where they bake
the bizkits.
So why the big mystery around
these bizkits anyway?
Nobody likes to talk about
the fact that they contain
human brain matter.
Well where are they getting
the brains from then?
No one knows.
It's time we find out.
Brain bizkits? How was this
not your idea, Murphy?
Laugh it up, stump boy.
One of these days,
this Apocalypse is gonna make me
a rich man.
You head back in now, okay?
Hey.
Try not to eat each other
before I get back, all right?
The bizkit bakery is on the edge
of the No-Go Zone.
Not the type of place
that welcomes visitors.
Let me point out a few obvious
red flags.
Backwood yocals,
secret brain bakery,
and I'm sure I hear banjo music
in our near future.
Need I go on?
You guys follow Dante to Altura.
I'm sure you'll make sure
he has a fair trial.
We'll get the bizkits, get back
to Limbo, and we'll join you.
We're on it, chief.
All right. Well I assembled
the best of the Limbo fleet.
There you go.
Sweet.
My bad.
Does this run?
I'm a god, not a mechanic.
Well it's no El Camino,
but beggars can't be choosers.
El Camino.
Wow, they don't make them
like they used to.
They don't make anything.
At all.
True that.
Let's find that bakery.
Can you step on it, Doc? I don't
like not having eyes on Dante.
Really?
I'm gunning it.
You know you shouldn't
put your feet up like that.
If there was an accident,
the airbags could go off
and you could drive your
knees up into your brain.
It's the Apocalypse.
I think airbags
are the least of our worries.
It's one of those fears
you have growing up, I guess.
Your generation's greatest fear
was airbags?
My generation only had zombies.
I'm just saying
30 something year old airbags
are not typically
the most reliable.
Not that anything's
gonna happen.
Shit!
And you were saying?
Nope, still don't make them
like they used to.
I think I sprained my ankle.
Better than a knee
through the brain.
No, it's not.
Let me see what I got in my bag
for pain.
I don't like to prescribe
the hard stuff
when this stuff
will do you just fine.
I've never smoked before.
Good, it's a terrible habit.
Stunts your growth.
What?
I was thinking nicotine.
No, fire that puppy up.
Can you move it at all?
No. God.
Well look, tough it out
or take a hit.
But don't just let it burn out.
Here, let me have a look at it.
Okay, the weed, the weed.
Here, here.
I don't think you broke it,
but you damn sure sprained it.
Now my foot hurts
and I have a cough.
Give it a minute.
You hang tough. I'm gonna
take care of some tourists.
Poncho Zs?
Cars used to have ashtrays?
Look out, George!
Where you going?
Okay, okay.
A little help here!
Okay, I got you.
Mercy.
God.
Well I guess that spleef
is working.
Can't feel my foot.
I don't feel anything.
We better get going.
I want to get to Altura
before nightfall.
Ruh.
Ew.
You better have a seat
and get off that foot.
This could take a while.
Is that the bakery?
It looks abandoned.
Doesn't mean nobody's home.
What is it?
This must be the place.
I smell brains.
Murphy?
Get your ass
away from them skulls.
Hey.
Focus.
Looks like they left in a hurry.
Guess this clears up any mystery
of what the secret ingredient
might be.
Doesn't look like it's been
operational for a while.
Are we done?
I dunno.
I can't figure this shit out.
You catching up
on your social studies?
You know it's crazy, when I was
in school I kept thinking,
when am I ever gonna use
this stuff in real life?
Now's your chance.
I love history.
Especially when I'm buzzed.
My old man
was a big history buff.
Had a huge collection of books.
But my favorite
was this painting of the
Constitutional Convention.
Yeah, the gang was all there.
Ben Franklin
chillin' in the middle.
George Washington
presiding over it all,
with Thomas Jefferson
looking all badass.
You know,
the founding fathers
had huge pot farms.
Seriously.
They were like man,
cannabis rules.
You know, these hemp fibers are
pretty much good for anything.
Rope, banners, printing the
Bible, making the US flag,
the paper of the Constitution.
Yeah, I know, George.
I'm from the 1700's too.
I got this strand from France.
It's good for gout and migraines
and expanding your mind,
and tooth aches.
Tooth aches, you say?
Who's getting icky
with the sticky?
I cultivated it,
but I did not inhale.
It smells French.
South of Marseille.
May I?
Sorry, we ran out of matches.
Then we must invent one.
Woo! Felt that one
down in my toes.
I'm surprised those guys
got anything done,
not to mention
started a country.
How are we doing?
We're approved for liftoff.
Somebody turned that oven on.
And I'm guessing it wasn't
Betty Crocker.
Good guess.
We're definitely not here alone.
It's clear.
Hey,
you okay?
I'm fine.
Okay. Just checking.
Lefty.
Come on, Cyclops.
No, after you, Captain Hookless.
Look, I don't want to pry.
But dammit, I dunno.
I don't know
why things have to be so hard.
In between Mack and Lucy, my eye
is the least of what I've lost.
I can still feel my hand
in my dreams.
I carry heavy gear
and lace my shoes,
hold her hands.
Shoot my gun.
It's like having a friend
that was there
but isn't anymore.
You know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Hey, buddy?
You okay?
Yeah,
just all these brains laying
around give me the munchies.
Gonna need to stay hungry.
Intruders!
Don't worry, brother!
I'm coming for you!
Brother!
Psst.
No.
No, ma'am.
No, ma'am.
Sorry, ma'am.
Sit.
You're quite the handyman, Doc.
Yeah, well just think of me
as the Ben Franklin
of paraphernalia.
Okay, Mr. Franklin.
So what's the difference
between the Constitution
and the Bill of Rights?
Well, the way I heard it,
everyone was so excited
about writing the rules
for running the government,
they forgot about the people
that the government was for.
Let's just sign this sucker.
Get the party started.
I would rather chop my
right hand off than sign that!
This government
that we've created
may protect us
from foreign enemies.
But, gentlemen...
Yeah, my bad.
No zombies back then.
Ask yourself, who will protect
us from our government?
We need a Bill of Rights!
We're back to work, everyone.
I just opened
the Chateau de Chassilier.
Not my fault, quaker oats man!
In order for this nation
to work,
individuals need to understand
their inalienable rights
as citizens
and know how their government
will protect them.
Okay, well do you, smarty.
A few.
Freedom of press,
freedom of religion,
public release of knowledge
of alien life forms
and or technology.
Okay, I can see some of these
going into the Constitution.
Hey T.J.,
you're a rights kinda guy.
Write this up.
But I wrote the Constitution.
We wrote the Constitution.
No, I physically wrote...
Hey, James Madison!
What's up, puff ball.
Hey, can you just like pick ten
and write them up?
Here you go. Here you go.
Thanks.
Off to it, puddin' pants.
Great. Great.
We're making progress.
We're all making lots of
great progress.
Hey, you got some more
of that waky.
So what makes the Bill of Rights
so important?
Well it's your god-given rights
based simply on your humanity.
Unfortunately, the definition
of humanity changed
with the definition
of mortality.
Well, that's one way
of thinking about it.
But you know,
humanity's also like
compassion and brotherly love.
Like, take that dude
for example.
Now,
what makes us different from him
when it comes to basic decency?
Does he deserve to be treated
any different than you or I?
No. He has the same right
to live his life
without worrying about
the government
coming and taking his stuff,
locking him up,
and censoring his words.
That's a zombie.
Yeah. That's... that's
a bad example.
But you know
what I'm getting at.
It's knowing that you have
the power, not the government.
And it's the government's job
to protect your rights,
not infringe on 'em.
People are so afraid, they'll
do anything the government says.
Like locking up the Talkers.
Yeah, well that's when you need
a Bill of Rights,
when people are afraid and
they don't know what's right.
But what's gonna protect Dante
without a Bill of Rights?
We are.
I'm gonna give yous the same
choice I gave the last goons
that came through here
and tried to shut us down.
Chocolate or vanilla?
Mercy or Talker.
I could ask you
the same question.
I don't want to hurt you.
But I will.
Looks like we've got ourselves
a zombie standoff.
Yous got me, I got him,
and me brudder's got you both.
We're looking for bizkits.
We have starving Talkers
that are starting to turn.
Look, we're just trying
to survive ourselves.
It's crooks like you
that shut down the bakery
and turned us into
a bunch of dirty dogs.
Lower your weapons
and kindly waltz out of here
or we're all going to be
craving brains.
Look, I don't know who you think
we are. But we are not them.
That's what the last bunch said
before they started shooting.
Is that the other brudder
that's got us covered?
Hey, buddy. Dat you, brudder?
Hey, buddy.
This crazy woman here done
bust me right in the honker.
Your brudder's still human.
Let's keep it that way.
So, you's are in need
of some help, are you?
Ay, by' watch out for the
one-eyed one. She's not nice.
Not at all.
She's mean like a badger.
I thought you people
spoke English in Canada.
We do's.
You do's?
Besides, ain't no Canada.
Not no more anywho.
Yeah, no 'Merica neither
it seems.
Pardon our manners.
I'm Gilly. That there's
my brudder, Skull.
Skully for short.
But that's longer.
Okay, so look, we heard rumors
that you guys bake bizkits here.
Dat's no rumor. Dat's the truth.
Well no offense, but you look
more like butchers than bakers.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
We need bizkits.
Lots of them.
Well for dat, you're gonna
have to talk to me mum.
She's in charge of the baking.
Where might she be?
Mum?
Mum's up dare in the office.
Okay. Can we talk to her?
Well let's just go take
a little looky.
See what kind of mood she's in.
It's not as easy as all that,
now is it brudder?
No brudder, it isn't.
After the Black Rains,
we was on our way to Newmerica,
and we got turned arse
over tea kettle by a pack of Zs.
Our brudder Brenton
got all riled up
and he mercied a bunch of them,
but those Zs
took a right bite outta him.
Yeah, he was a goner for sure.
Yeah, I mean they really filled
their boots with his belly,
but he never turned.
Aye, he started acting a bit
rummy and dead-like,
but he was still talking.
So we figured he isn't dead,
he's just sickish.
Yeah, see it wasn't till mum
caught him sneaking brains
that we realized he's
one of these Talker guys.
Yeah, mum got real tired of him
sneaking off to get brains.
So she baked up some roadkill
brains into a bizkit for him.
And the more he ate, the more he
was like the brudder we knew.
See, the bizkits
kept him Canadian.
Pretty soon,
everybody wanted mum's bizkits.
So we set up the bakery.
Okay, so what happened?
Why'd y'all stop?
Well, everything
was poutine and pie
until somebody blew up the vote.
And we've been under attack
from Zs
from out of nowhere ever since.
Sounds like someone
didn't want you making bizkits.
Yeah.
We thought yous was them
come back to finish us off.
So if your mom has this
secret recipe,
why can't we just
make more bizkits?
Well you'll have to talk to mum
about that.
But she ain't been herself since
our little brudder bit her.
You might say she's a bit cranky
herself without her bizkits.
We had to lock mum up in the
office for her own good.
Since then,
the three of us have been
trying to work out the recipe
but come up short.
Three?
Yeah, we had another brudder,
Chilly.
He was with us till he tried
to take the recipe off mum.
So where's he now?
Let me guess.
He didn't get the recipe?
Gilly, look at the big brains
on Red over here.
Hey, hey. Easy.
Easy. Okay, look.
Mum's got the only
copy of the recipe on her.
Okay, she turned
about two weeks ago.
Okay, Gilly and I
are running out of options here.
How's a fella supposed to be
getting on like this?
Those deadish bastards
turned our mum and brudders.
Nor be deprived of life,
liberty, or property,
without due process of the law.
How are we gonna make sure
Dante gets due process
when there are vigilantes
out there
that think Talkers are
more zombie than human?
What do you think?
I think humans are more
dangerous than Talkers.
Or zombies.
I think the Founding Fathers
would agree with you.
Here, grab the wheel.
That's why they created
a Bill of Rights
to protect us from each other.
Many tankards of ale and more
than a few bowls of hemp
were consumed as Washington,
Jefferson, and Franklin
hammered out the first ten
amendments to the Constitution,
better known
as the Bill of Rights.
Amendment number one,
the right to bear arms
shall not be infringed.
Do we have to start off
with guns?
I mean I like a musket
as much as the next guy,
but putting it first makes us
seem a little gun crazy.
Yeah, okay, we'll flip
the first two.
Put freedom of speech first.
All right.
Good.
It'll look better. For the kids.
Speaking of gun crazy,
we need some wording in there
so nuts like that Sam Adams
does not buy a blunderbust.
Two beers and he's ready to
challenge his mother to a duel.
Okay, we'll put in some
wording about
well regulated militias
so they know we don't mean
just any fool can buy a gun.
Okay. All right, let's just
go down the list, right?
No soldiers in your house.
No illegal search and seizures.
That'll keep the lawyers busy.
All right, you cannot testify
against yourself. Love that.
What happens in Paris
stays in Paris, Ben?
Right, you know.
Paris, good times.
Paris, that's sick.
Good times.
Okay, we'll just skip past.
Right to speedy trial. Right
to jury. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Number eight.
No cruel or unusual punishment.
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Considering the whole damn
Apocalypse is cruel and unusual.
Wait, we go down that road
and it won't be too long till
we're using Franklin's kites
to electrocute condemned
prisoners.
Yeah, go ahead. Laugh.
But one day,
electricity will power cities.
Mark my word.
And I'm the Easter Bunny.
Okay, Bill of Rights.
Hey! Look who the cat drug in.
It's Alexander Hamilton.
How's the banking business
going?
Great.
You cats are all on a new bill.
Ones, fives, twenties,
and a c-note.
Which one did I make.
Am I on the hundred?
Well, that's a surprise.
Meanwhile, you guys get around
to abolishing slavery?
We...
No, we are...
We are talking about that one.
And we're serious about it.
And...
Well excuse me, gentlemen.
I sure would appreciate it
if you maybe bit the bullet
and took care of this
little problem now
instead of just kicking that can
on down the road.
Man's got a point.
Well that's a cool hat
you got there, stranger.
What's your name?
You didn't see me.
I wasn't here.
You didn't see me.
I was never here.
That dude belongs on a bill.
Okay.
I dunno much about history,
but I know for damn sure
Abe Lincoln never talked to Ben
Franklin or George Washington.
You are off by like
a hundred years, man.
Well, yeah.
But that's not the point.
The point is they should've
dealt with slavery
right from the beginning.
It's a stain on America
that even a Civil War
couldn't make right.
You don't wanna make
that same mistake now.
The only hope Dante has
for a fair trial
is if they consider him
to be a human being.
If they make him out to be
anything less than that,
he doesn't stand a chance.
None of the Talkers do.
You really sneak up on a person,
Doc.
I still got a few teeth
left in my head.
How's it going there,
fabulous baker boys?
Dang it.
Jumpin' Jeeziz, you're
cheating. Come on.
Best three outta fiver.
Come on, come on.
Stop being such a sook!
Come on, man!
We all need you
to keep your wits here
or this is all gonna go south
quicker than a Newfie ski-do
hittin' ground.
Newfie ski.
That's when you hop on
a moose's back
when it's crossin' the river,
and you ride it
till it touches down.
If you're still on it
after that point,
you better be expecting
a good chomp down
cuz no moose likes a passenger.
Come on, man. No.
No. Come on, guys.
Come on.
You always pick scissors.
You're dumber than goose poop.
Hit it, Sunburn.
I can't do this.
I don't wanna do this.
Hey, brudder.
What?
I love you.
I love you too, brudder.
You're a grizzly bear.
I'm a grizzly bear.
Shh.
Ma and da boys smell like
a yeti's nut sack?
Sunburn?
Where the heck could you be?
Where's this frickin' thing at?
Go, go, go, go.
Zombie jesus.
The recipe.
The recipe.
Stupid, get out of there.
He's down!
There he is!
God.
It's pull, not push, brudder!
Okay, you got to stop pushing!
You got to stop pushing!
Chilly. Chilly, get off!
Come on.
Stay the freak away from me,
Chilly!
Get off me, Chilly!
They got him cornered.
Stay the freak away from me.
That's a bad brudder.
Your brother's got your other
brother by the mullet!
By the rat tail!
Chilly!
Chilly, get off your brudder!
Get off me, brudder! Get off me!
Okay, there's mom.
She's got something in her
mouth.
I think she's got the recipe.
It's the recipe!
Get off your brudder!
Your brother's riding your other
brother across the room.
Like a horse.
No. No, like a moose.
Definitely a moose.
Please don't!
No!
I think the only way to calm
them down at this point is to
feed them actual brains.
Looks like somebody ordered
take out.
You down to pike this one?
Got it.
Let's get that number up.
Help!
Switch!
Crack this one open.
I'm walking here.
When is everybody gonna see
that we're all in this together?
Skip ahead
to the 15th Amendment.
That's the one
we got to protect.
The rights of the citizens
of the United States to vote
shall not be denied or abridged
by the United States
or by any state
on the account of race, color...
Or previous condition
of servitude.
Yep, that makes sense.
Ya think?
Yeah, well it's gonna take
a Civil War
and the 13th Amendment
passing first.
Let's just move everything along
and pass the 13th right now.
What do you guys think?
What is it?
It abolishes slavery.
Like set them free abolish?
This may take
some further study.
No, no. No, he's right.
He's right. Okay, hear me out.
What if we were to take
the slaves
and we were to make them
like two fifths...
Make it three fifths.
Three fifths of a human being.
And then we just kept that going
for about 100 years
until we worked out the kinks.
I don't even know where to start
with you guys.
You got to be kidding me.
Just shoot me.
I hope we don't have to fight
a war
to make the Talkers
full citizens.
We may already be fighting
that war.
Everybody dies.
But just because
you got no pulse
doesn't mean
you don't have any rights.
Everybody dies.
That's it.
No, no, no, no, no.
Everybody dies.
Sooner or later,
we're all Talkers. We're all Talkers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it's working.
Them brains are doing the trick
for sure.
How you doing, mum?
You with us?
My.
Did I do this?
Sure as shit, ma. It was yous.
Mum, these Americans
come looking for help.
My goodness.
I'm sorry you had to see me
looking all dead like this.
And I wish I could've given this
place a quick lick and a promise
before they showed up.
That's okay.
What can we do for ya's?
We're looking for bizkits.
The supply has been cut off,
and we have starving Talkers.
They want to know
your secret recipe.
There is so secret.
I was lacing my bizkits
with brains
for the first little while.
Then we run short of brains.
We started having flour
delivered from Heartland.
The secret ingredient
is already mixed in.
And the secret sauce is brains?
Right?
No, dear.
The secret ingredient is
love.
I don't get it.
Boys.
Look at you.
If I can help someone else
to keep from going through
what we've had to,
so be it.
We got enough brains right here
to make up a batch
of the original recipe.
Let's get shucking.
I like you.
Welcome back.
What?
They didn't get around to giving
women the right to vote
until the 19th Amendment?
And it didn't pass until 1920?
Old white dudes. What can I say?
Takes a long time
to get these things right.
Well we have to it right.
And we don't have a lot of time.
I don't like the look of this.
Is that the truck they had Dante
in?
I hope not.
Shit.
No sign of Dante.
Maybe he...
escaped like last time?
Maybe Talkers did this,
let him go?
This is what happens
to traitors.
I give you mercy.
I love the smell
of fresh baked brains
in the morning.
Well done, Mr. Murphy.
You better be careful.
We might just keep you on
as a full time baker.
Marion.
I had a great teacher.
Move over boys.
Hot coming through. Hot.
All right, now
we need to wrap them up and
stick them in here like this.
Psst.
Look, that family is not gonna
make it out there on their own.
Why don't you take them with you
to Limbo?
Yeah, sure.
Limbo could use a bakery.
I like that idea.
I'll take Addy and 10K
and go to Heartland
and figure out this flour thing
and why they stopped
the distribution.
Take care of them.
Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it.
Okay, well then be safe.
No, you be safe out there.
I don't want to have to go
traipsing around
half of Screwmerica again
to save your ass.
I don't care how many times
you got to traipse around,
you might have to save me.
But when you do, pick a color.
I mean it, Warren.
The Apocalypse wouldn't be
half as fun without you in it.
Be careful.
I love you too, Murphy.
God, keep them safe.
What do you think? Maybe
you want to say a few words?
Actions speak louder than words.