You're the Worst (2014–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Twenty-Two - full transcript

Edgar seeks relief from his PTSD.

♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway

♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪

♪ Gonna leave you anyway.

(faint ringing)


(crickets chirping)



♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

(indistinct chatter
over headphones)

♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

♪ I think I wanna tell you
somethin' ♪

♪ Well, go on,
tell me somethin' ♪

♪ I think I wanna tell you
somethin' ♪

♪ Well, go on,
tell me somethin' ♪

♪ I think I wanna tell you
somethin' ♪

♪ Well, go on,
tell me somethin' ♪

♪ I think I wanna tell you
somethin' ♪

♪ Tell me what?

♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

♪ Please tell me now

♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

Wanna tell you somethin'.

I think
I wanna tell you somethin'.

I think I wanna tell you

I think
I wanna tell you somethin'.

♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

♪ I think I wanna,
think I wanna, think I wanna ♪

(tires screech)

(faint ringing)

(dog barks in distance)

(breathing deeply)

(tires screech)

♪ 'Cause I'm a creator
and a dominator ♪

♪ You're not down for hittin'
skins later, you perpetrator ♪

♪ I come tight with the beat
and all that ♪

♪ So throw your hands
in the air ♪

♪ Show me what you got there

♪ 'Cause girls
just wanna have fun ♪

♪ But deep inside my heart

♪ I know girls
just wanna have funds ♪

♪ You, yeah, you make me go...



(garbage truck beeping)
(dog barking)


(brakes hissing)


(faint ringing)
(muffled conversation)


I made my special
heart pancakes.

What kind
of jank-ass hearts are these?

(chuckles) That one
looks like a butt.

Sorry. It was
kind of a rough night.

But, um, this afternoon,
I-I finally have my consultation

with the chief of staff
at the VA,

and I think... LINDSAY: Yeah,
chiefs'll do that sometimes.

Hey, can I get some sticky sauce
for these pan-butts or what?

It turns out, in World War I,
the official term

for "PTSD" was "cowardice,"

and you were shot for it.
GRETCHEN: That is interesting.

How are you holding up, Jimmy?

(muffled) When my guinea
pig died, I couldn't jack off

for, like, half a day.
GRETCHEN: I'm telling you guys...

False alarm.
He truly doesn't give a shit.

(conversation continuing

(faint ringing)

(ringing volume increases)

(radio static)
(speaks indistinctly)

(water running) JIMMY: Aw!

It nearly had it.

(water running loudly)

Oh, shit.

LINDSAY: Mommy classes
Becca's always yammering about.

JIMMY: Edgar? Edgar?

Uh, yeah. What's up?
Big writing day

ahead of me. I need you to get
all my usual writing snacks

from the British
specialty store.

Shrimp-flavored crisps,

Wallington's choco-knockers,
tartar biscuits,

kidney jerky, and then
all your standard candies...

Lemingtons, fluffingtons,
rum Christophers...

(classical music playing
over speakers)

(faint ringing)

(register beeping)

(breathing deeply)

(indistinct chatter)

(ringing volume increases)

(breathing deeply)

(ringing volume decreases)

(indistinct chatter)

(woman speaking indistinctly)

I have eyes on him right now.

(faint ringing)

Subject is on the move.

(ringing volume increases)
(indistinct chatter)

(register beeping)

(beeping quickens)
(indistinct chatter)

CASHIER: Can I help you?
(ringing stops)



(classical music continues
playing over speakers)


A British flag balloon.

How did you know?

Oh, I pays attention to my girl.



Hey. Edgar.

Edgar, look at me. No.

Edgar... I've been
thinking about you all day.

I could barely sleep.

Okay, you need your sleep.

Aren't you supposed to have
your big meeting thingy

with the head counselor person?
I was actually thinking,

instead, what if we
just hung out here all day,

you know, just, like, laid
in bed and watched movies?

Or... ignored movies.

Edgar, stop!

Why don't you want to go?

You've been waiting to meet with
her for months. What if I go

and this is my best last chance

and they can't help me?

Then we try something else.
What else?!

I've tried booze, drugs,

talk therapy, pills.

If not for you, for me.

I need you to try.

Sometimes I see
you look at me...

and it kind of...

it scares me.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Dorothy.

I'm sorry.

I don't need you to apologize.
I just need you to keep trying.

You are brave and you're
smart and you're strong, okay?

And remember, when you go,

you just have to be
your own advocate, okay?

They can fix you,

but you might have to fight
for it.

This is the one time
to not follow the rules.

It's their job to help you.

(rhythmic creaking)

Edgar, where are
your pre-moistened towelettes?

I don't have any. Why?

No reason.

I might need one in a few minutes.

Hey, look, it's your...

dumb-ass limey biscuit
and fag store.

Um, Edgar, I thought
you said you couldn't get

my writing snacks 'cause
the store was cordoned off

due to police activity.

I, uh... I-I guess
they caught the guy.

(faint ringing)


Aah! Oh!

Jesus! You are lucky I
didn't just break my wang.


I broke a guy's wang once.

They never tell you

how far back it
can and can't go.

JIMMY: It's the sideways
that's really dangerous.

Oi! Eyes forward, pervert.

(ringing continues)

(music starts playing)
Uh, excuse me,

is this an audio tape?

I didn't know
they still had those.

I guess poor people still
need something to listen to.

I like my tapes.
My brother gave me these.

This is my favorite because

it reminds... Oh, look!

He even has them
in a little tape case.

Oh, my God,
are we in the Smithsonian?

Do obese Midwesterners
gather around your car,

pressing their be-churroed faces

at the glass to marvel at your

ancient relics from an
erstwhile time of low-fidelity

and inability to fast forward
through songs quickly?

(tires screech) Agh! Oh...

I swear, this is by far the
worst Uber I have ever taken.

♪ Like a feeling
that feels so... ♪

Oh, I almost forgot...
Give us your car booze.

Guys, I... I really have to
get to my VA appointment.

(groans) (groans) Fine,
but when you're done

with your stupid thing
you're giving us a ride home.

(engine starts)

♪ And you'll slide into a
something that's only tonight ♪

♪ Being something like a feeling
that feels so right... ♪

Now... (exhales)

Good. (Pats back)

Boy, oh, boy, son, I...

You know, I really
got to congratulate you

on your tenacity and dedication

to overcoming your difficulties.

You-you really... you
really are an inspiration.


I'm, uh... Actually,
I'm-I'm not doing so well.

Well, you got in to see me,

and that takes
grit and determination.

Sometimes my own grandchildren

have to make an appointment
to see me.

Well, thanks.

But should it take grit
and determination to get help?


Edgar, you are exactly right.

Believe you me, when I think
of the difficulties

that our chronic underfunding

has meant for our patients,

it just makes my blood boil.

We are making strides, though.

We have a plan
to stop being fax dependent

before the next war.

Wait, you guys know
when the next war is?


(giggling softly) Oh...

I got you!

(both laughing)

I like you.

I really like you.

I really like you.

Oh, that's so nice.
You know what?

What the heck. I am prepared

to offer you ten sessions
in our virtual reality trainer.

They actually build a video game

out of your trauma.
It's really so fun.

But scary, of course.

But, more importantly,

it's shown real efficacy

in ameliorating
battlefield trauma of your type.

Well, I-I know about that. Yeah?

But I-I was told
that study was full up.

It's our little secret.

Shh. Wow.

Okay. Thank you.


But I-I guess
I don't understand...

Um, what if I hadn't kept asking

and asking? Let's get
you signed up, shall we?


So, you are taking Paxil,

Ambien, Chlordia...

11 different medications,

Well, I take 15,

and I never went to war.

Getting old: Don't do it.

Yeah, but actually,
I stopped taking those.

Oh, dear. Which ones?

All of them. I stopped them all.



when you are back

on the full course

of your prescribed treatment,

then we can revisit

whether we can
locate a place for you

in one of our alternative programs.
Yeah, but they

were not working for me,
and this might.

If you're hostile
to one of our treatments,

how can I offer you another?

Especially when our budget
is limited,

and there's so many deserving
men and women?

No, I'm-I'm not hostile,
I'm... Okay? I just...

I don't like the side effects.

They make me feel blotchy.

Okay? I-It's just-it's just
turning down the volume.

It... It's not living.

From where I sit...

we seem to be at an impasse.


No, I'm not leaving.

(sighs) You're gonna help me.

It's the only reason you exist:

To help us.

And no, no,

it's not enough to be fed

a one size fits all cocktail

of shut up pills.

Oh, if we had shut up pills,

we would have prescribed them
to you by now.

Oh, okay.

Okay. Aah!



Are you done?

Okay. You feel free

to make another appointment

once you're back on your

prescribed medication.

Okay, hon?

(distorted, sluggish)
♪ Though you know, yeah...

(faint ringing)

(music stops)

(music starts again,
more distorted)

(ringing continues)

Oh, sh...

♪ We won't get another soul

♪ Just to see this night

(helicopter blades whirring)

♪ And you'll slide into
a something... ♪

(ringing continuing)

(distorted music plays)


♪ We're still, we're still...


(music distorts, slows)

(ringing continuing)

Shit. (Tires screech)

(horn honks)

♪ I know something
like a feeling ♪

♪ That feels so right

♪ Gonna... (music stops)

(phone rings)

Hey, Jimmy.

We're ready to go.
And I sincerely hope

you've got our car booze.

A majority of your rating
rests on this.

Uh, sorry, I-I can't come.

My, um... my car broke down.

Oh, well, that's not a surprise,

piece of shit with no
auxiliary plug or car booze.

(click, dial tone)

(phone beeps off)

(phone buzzing)

(horns honking)

(vehicles whooshing by)




(engines revving)



MAN: Goddamn it!

Cut! Hey, man! Hey! Can you
not just pick up our prop?

We're gonna have to go again.

Oh, sorry. I-I didn't notice you were...
What? You just

thought a paper boat was sailing
down the river on its own?

I don't know.

Don't talk to me that way!


We're making this silent short
for a class,

and we don't have tons of film.

I don't understand why we
have to shoot on film anyway.

I mean, I bought myself a Red
with my bar mitzvah money.


He has a good look, huh?


(crickets chirping)


Hey, uh, that's my car.

Hello. I'm here.

(dog barking) Oh...!


(chains jingle,
barking continues)

Hey. Hey.

(taps car)
It's my car. I'm here.

I'm just doing my job.
Oh, I know. I know.

I'm sorry.
I, uh... I-I ran out of gas.

You can't just leave

your car here. Sign?

And you got plenty of gas.

Look, I had to pull over.

I'm... I've been, um...

I'm having a tough day.

I drive a tow truck.

Everybody's having a tough day.


You a vet?

What? How did...?

Your paperwork
on the seat of your car.

(lighter clicks open, shuts)


Some real bad ones.

Hypervigilance? I saw a
sniper on the overpass.

IEDs in the trash?

Yes! Roadside trash
is the worst.

Why can't they just
throw it away?

Suicidal thoughts?

You know the stats?

22 every day.

Though, in truth, there
are some Vietnam dudes

that are jacking up
our numbers, but still.

I thought starting today,
things would get better.

But they don't give a shit.

Here's what you
got to understand.

They're not evil.

None of 'em are.

The military's job

is to sand down our humanity
just enough

to where we can take a life.

That's it.

Afterwards, some
totally separate branch

gets to deal with

all these purposely broken

Not only is that impossible
with the resources,

that's just impossible, period.

Yeah, well, then,
what are we supposed to do?

Not wait for someone
to help you.

Figure out what works.
(dog whines gently)

My man Carter...
He hunts all the time.

This big chopper pilot I know...


he goes to yoga.

And we make fun of him, but
it seems to work. (Laughs)


Jorge hikes the PCT once a year.

I got this companion dog.

I wanted a big, mean, dude,

but the organization gave
me this little scrub. Mm.

He saved my life... this guy.

This other bro I know
locks himself in his bedroom

and stabs his closet door.

I mean, he's not
getting his deposit back,

but once the rage
passes, he's fine.

I know you don't want
to hear this,

but the minute you stop looking
for someone else to cure you,

maybe you start living again.

♪ So let's not just be
this one night ♪

♪ Slowly slide
into a something ♪

♪ That's nothing despite

♪ Being something like
a feeling that feels so right ♪

♪ I can't let it go

♪ I have to find you

♪ Cannot find you, girl

♪ I run through the streets

♪ My mind is racing

♪ Hands are shaking, yeah...


Dude! Don't do that!

Oh, uh...


Sorry. I am s... sorry.

♪ Feels so right

♪ I won't let you go
after just one more night ♪

♪ Slowly slide into a nothing

♪ That's something despite

♪ Being something like a feeling
that feels so right ♪

♪ I said it's some day...
♪ Something like a feeling ♪

♪ That feels so right ♪
♪ Something like a feeling

♪ I won't let you go after just one
more night ♪ ♪ I won't let you go

♪ Slowly slide into a nothing

♪ That's something despite

♪ Being something like a feeling
that feels so right ♪

♪ I said something
like a feeling ♪

♪ That feels for night.

(piano plays sad,
dramatic music)

(piano plays dramatic music)

(banjo plays upbeat song)

(band joins in,
playing upbeat song)

(dog barks)

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH