You're the Worst (2014–…): Season 3, Episode 10 - Talking to Me, Talking to Me - full transcript

Jimmy builds a tree house. Gretchen accompanies Lindsay during a potentially emotional event. Edgar's professional life flourishes to Dorothy's dismay.

"George Bernard Shaw."

♪ Let me see the future

♪ Before I'm gone,
oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Let my friends all die

♪ Before I go, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm too old
to die young ♪

♪ I can't even
remember being young ♪

♪ I can't even remember
being young. ♪


Jimbo, you made me
breakfast in bed?

Yeah, right. What have you
done to merit breakfast?

Well, at least
you brought me a mimosa.

Uh, no, that's my
backup. It's stronger.

You might observe,

"Jimmy, how zoetic and
vital you seem today."

"How observant, G-dog,"

I might respond.

For today, I build
my tree house!

You see, during
Vernon's podcast...

During what now?

I learned that my father's voice

has been in my head
my entire life.

Dude, I have the same thing,
but with my mom's voice.

It's like she's constant...

Yeah, as I was
saying about myself,

ever since the funeral,
that voice has been

slowly subsiding.

It is my hope
that the final nail

in that tree house will be
the final nail in the coffin

that is my father's influence.

R.I.P., dickhead.

I'm telling you, Gretchen,

now that I have
been de-fathered,

my world is positively
pregnant with possibilities.

Great, but isn't it your job
to finish your book?

Is it?

I don't know anymore.


I guess I can't talk.

I'm reading goddamn self-help.

Oh, yes, that's sure to
solve your myriad problems.

My therapist recommended it.

It's about mindfulness,

which is about being
completely... No!

I think you'd actually
like therapy.

It's really helpful
to look at your life

from a different perspective.

Like when they stood on the
desks in Dead Poets Society.

Didn't that one kid
shoot himself?

Like I'm learning
how because of my mom's

impossibly high expectations,
I can never turn my brain off.

I am really opening the trunk
and seeing what's inside.

Don't you mean the hood?

Your trunk's just cartons
of Mexican cigarettes,

old Halloween wigs

and five bags of clothes
you never donated to Goodwill.

I really need to get a handle
on this mindfulness shit.

I am doing the work.

I'm evolving, Jimmy.

I just don't want you
to get left behind.

I think I'll manage.

Anyway, look.


Do not touch with your syrup

you-don't-wash-your-legs hands.

Look at us!

You're changing careers
to building tree houses.

I'm exploring the roots
of my mental illness.

Hey, before we change too much,
you want to knock one out?


Eh, you can start.
I'll catch up.

♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway

♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪

♪ Gonna leave you anyway.

Let's do this.

Nothing can slow me down,

but who says that
eating on the run...

What is going on?

You have been blowing
up all morning.

High Times tweeted
my Dr. Weed video,

and now I'm getting all these
annoying tweets from stoners.

I don't want to be a pot person.

You make videos with a
character called "Dr. Weed,"

and you smoke all
day, every day.

Listen, Dorothy,

I stopped taking my meds.

What? You went off your meds
and you didn't tell me? Yeah.

I didn't want to, you know,
declare anything

until I saw how it worked,
and listen,

a lot of vets are using weed
to help with their PTSD.

I mean, sure, I might take a
little longer to do some things.

Like this morning,
I laughed for 15 minutes

because the bathroom faucet
kind of looks like a face.

But I feel...

really good.

Better than I have in...


Okay, well, then good.

I am so glad that you finally
found something that works.

And if you do turn
into a lazy pothead,

then you can always
be my house husband.

Speaking of which,
let's do this.

Nothing can slow me down,

but who says that eating
on the run has to be boring?

With Snack Hacker snacker boxes,

I get my daily recommended
allowance of fun.

♪ A wintery evening and vein 33
takes me back to the heart ♪

♪ The show's going to start!

♪ Dodging the crux
of a highway stampede ♪

♪ I make a break
for Liver Street ♪

♪ Soon I'll be out
of the noose ♪

♪ And forgetting
the life I lead ♪

♪ Honey, I'm home,
hug applied, kisses blown ♪

♪ And I conquer the den

♪ Mine to defend

♪ Traces of happier days
in the air ♪

♪ A photograph, a maiden fair ♪

♪ Reach for the button
and nothing ♪

♪ But memories disappear

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah.

Mmm! Mm-hmm.


Mmm! Will you knock it off

and eat your goddamn
nachos like a person!

What's wrong with you?

My therapist said

I have to practice mindfulness,

so I am focusing
on the flavor of the food,

the mouth feel, the swallowing,

the reflecting...
on my swallowing.

Jesus Christ, it's like
trying to eat an area rug.

Eating slow?

But less food in mouth.

Did you know
that things your parents did

when you were a kid
can affect you as an adult?

What?! You mean time travel?

Everything was a competition
with my mom...

Grades, tennis, who had a
lower BMI, even television.

During Wheel,
she'd make me solve the puzzle

before the contestants.

All this time, I thought
my mom was scary but dope.

Turns out
she wasn't dope at all.

So she's not dope. This morning

I realized my entire life,

I've had my mom's
judgey voice in my head.

If I don't learn to replace it

with something else mo' better,
I am screwed.


Hot! Hot!



No, no, no, no!

That's what you get
for disrespecting nachos.

Okay, so here's your pie flight,

double cream lemon, Kahlúa cream
cheese and chocolate satin.

Aw, I'm eating for two
for the last time.

Well, you had a good run.

You ready, lady? Yup.

Let's go get this abobo.



He's gone.


A toast to my triumph,

my creation completed after
an honest day of manual labor,

like the people.

Like men.

Thank you Herr Hammer.

I could not have done it
without you.

I'll meet you below for
a celebratory Pilsner shortly.

Madame Level,

you have been integral
to my success,

from your green liquid
to your bubble.

A bientot.

Señor... Drilly.

I counted on you most of all.


Enjoy a Campari on me.

Ciao, amigo.

Oh, man, so many of the girls
that I coach are here.

It's like if you dig
the student, you're really

gonna love the master, right?

You're gonna kill it.

Hey, Dorothy. Oh, hey.


You signed in for
"Cute Yoga Girl,"

but I think we got our wires
crossed with your agent.

We were actually excited to
see you for "Overworked Mom."

Oh, okay. Great.

Awesome. We have a bathrobe
you can just put on.

Yeah. Excellent.


Hey, are you sure this is okay?

You practiced the other one.

Edgar, this kind of stuff
happens all the time.

It's part of the biz.

Okay, I'm gonna go
in the bathroom

and rub off some of this
under eye concealer

so I look super beat.


Do you need more weed?

You're Dr. Weed, right? Yeah.

I'm Doug Benson.

Oh, yeah, the, uh...
the pot comedy guy.

Among other things,
but sure, that's the brand.

Edgar Quintero.

Super funny vids, man.

Hey, you should swing by

my "office" sometime.

I've got a project I think
you might be interested in.

Wow, uh, yeah.

That... that would be great.

So, what are you
auditioning for?

Oh, I just nailed
the role of "Sleepy Dad."

Hey, do you have a
diagnosis for my character?

Hmm, my diagnosis is...

you need more sleep.

Just kidding.

You need more weed!

Yeah, I thought that
was going to be the diagnosis.

Why do cats get to have
all the good tongues?

You sure you're okay
if I don't go in with you?

I really have to do this
mediation app. Sure.

I'll go in alone. They know me.

Great, so, you'll be out in

40, 45 minutes. 40, 45 minutes.

And another thing,
Jillian, you are...

- Who are you texting?
- Can you hear him?

He's yelling at me right now.

Why can't I stop texting?
I guess I just miss you so much.

Bye! Give me that phone. Give...

Difficult decision, huh?


Would you like to chat?

Maybe I can help you figure
out some of your troubles.


So, what's bothering you?


it started when...

All right.

Let's do this shit.

During this mediation

we will focus on being...



where you are not in the past,

not in the future,

but in... Present.

The present.

Easy. Next.

Clear your mind
and focus on your...




And your breathing.

Yes! Suck it, lady.

Notice the rise and fall

of your chest.

Notice the rise...

Oh, God, so boring,
I want to kill myself.

Eject, eject, eject.



Where the hell is he?

Sure, when I'm trying
to have sex

in my kitchen, he's constantly
underfoot, but now...



What if Pauline Two...

no, I am not writing today.

No, no, Malcolm!

Shut up!

stop speaking through me.

Oh, my God, chapter 12.
I could have Simon

jump up on the speakers
at the Oasis set at Glastonbury.

No, I am... not-not doing this!

Oh, Simon, you brilliant,
horny bastard.

Suck it, Dad,
I'm still a writer.

Oh, no, not today.

So then I heated up
the condom in the microwave

and I got a turkey baster.
Wait, I need you to back up.

Okay, so I wanted a Popsicle...

Lindsay, do not let those
pro-life assholes

talk you out of
your legal right!

It's okay.

I was already having
second thoughts

before this nice lady came over.

What, why?

If Paul and I get divorced,

I'm not gonna have
a family anymore.


Name one family
that's just one person.

Suddenly Susan.

Listen, I know

that becoming a real human being
is a scary thing,

but I'll help you.

I got your back always.

Thanks, Gretch.

All right.

I'm ready.

Bam, nice try, terrorists.

Another victory
for women's rights.

Actually, I was gonna
tell her to do it.

In my book, there are
extenuating circumstances...

Rape, incest and...

whatever this is.

Mr. Benson will see you now.

No, no.

Uh-uh. No.

I'm walking away from the table.

I'll call you from the chopper.

Sorry, I had to handle that

before the European
markets closed.

This, um... this place isn't
what I was expecting.

Listen, I was looking at my
third quarter staffing budget

and I'd like to offer you

a few days punch up on a
show I'm doing for Waze.

The GPS app?
Isn't that dangerous?

You'd think so,

but no, the show's
only gonna play

at stop lights and in traffic.

So, what do you think
you should be paid?



Done. Yes!


Hey, you want to, uh...

light up and celebrate?

Edgar, this is
a place of business.

Thank you.

You okay?

What are you thinking about?


You're thinking about

what you're eating right now?

Of course. If I'm eating pie,

I'm thinking pie.

If I have a fork in my mouth,

I'm thinking fork.

You just had an abortion,

you're divorcing your husband,

and you're literally
only thinking about

what's happening in this moment?

Guess so.


You might be some kind of

secret mindfulness guru.

I'm gonna take notes.

Just, uh,
speak your thoughts out, okay?


Chew, chew,


little fart.

Waitress is coming over.

Here she is. Hi.

Can I get you anything else?
Talking to me.

Talking to me.

My turn to talk.

Neck mole,


Bye, waitress.

I miss her.

Gretchen's still here.

Hi, Gretchen.

Baby ears.


a hang nail.

Pie again.


Sto... Hey.

I had such a productive day.

I just made $80 cleaning out

this rich old lady's closet
in Beverly Hills.

Awesome. It is.

I have good news, too.

Ooh, did Jimmy make
you buy more of those

disgusting candies that I like?

Rum Christophers?


I got offered a job,

writing for
Doug Benson's new show.

Wait, what?

Really? Yeah.

You got a job writing comedy
for a TV show?

Yeah. I mean,
it's a short-term gig

a-and there are a ton of
liability waivers

I have to sign, but still.

Wow, wow.

That's... you know that
I know Doug, right?

Did you tell him
that we're dating?

No, I didn't know you knew him.

Oh, yeah, for years.

Like, way back when he was
doing his show at the theater,

I used to bring him waters.

I can't believe that
you didn't know

that I know Doug.

You totally should've told him.

He would have lost his mind.

Anyway, congratulations.

That is so cool

that he's giving you
this opportunity.

I... I mean,

I thought you didn't
want to be a pot guy.

I don't.

But now I'm a pot guy

with a J-O-B.

Can you believe it?

I'm a comedy writer!

I totally can't. And...

I couldn't...

have ever done it...

without you, teach.

How about I go upstairs

and I...

whip us up some of my famous
breakfast soup dumplings?

Ooh, I love that.

Ah! I'll be right up.

Everything looks so different
from up here.




Uh-huh, there is a "J."

If you can solve the puzzle
right now...


There is a jackpot
of nearly $10,000

in addition to
the money you have.

If not, you have to either

buy a vowel or spin the wheel.

I'll solve the puzzle. Go ahead.

"I Have The Wine"
by Johnny Cash.

Oh, my God, you are so...

That is not correct.

Nope, just watch.


Wheel. B.


"L," please.

Yes, two "L's."

Pick up that gift tag...


the rise...

and fall of your chest.


Good news.

I'm hella mindful now.

Why are you covered in yard?

I did what you said.

I looked at my life from
an outside perspective.


Doesn't it feel great?

No, it was terrifying.

I didn't recognize any of it.


I don't recognize my life.

I don't know whether I made
any of the right decisions.

Everything could be wrong.



It's "I Walk the Line."

What do you want to do?

♪ All I want is

♪ A pair of wings to fly

♪ Into the blue of

♪ The wide open sky

♪ Show me your scars

♪ I'll show you mine

♪ Perched out of the city

♪ On a pair of power lines

♪ On clouds I'll sing
and dance... ♪

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH