Younger (2015–…): Season 7, Episode 8 - The Baroness - full transcript

♪ MTV

Previously on "Younger..."

I think it's time
that I actually buy

my own apartment
in New York City.

Check out this
cutie-patootie crib I found.

Casting for a real
estate TV show.

- Are you out of your mind?
- You won't believe the perks,

and this will be really
good for your brand.

This is a show that I
did about trans women

on the Lower East
Side. [tablet dings]

Uh, professor, what
do you call that one?



That's called "My Wife."

Maybe you're not a good
fit here after all.

What're you doing here?

Just thought you might
need a friend right now.

[upbeat music]

- Thank you.
- I thought you guys

were perfect for each
other, what happened?

Well, he wanted to
get married again,

- and I just didn't.
- Yeah, that's a fast proposal.

Must be an old guy
thing. You know,

no time to lose before they
head towards that light.

- [laughs]
- No, he's just traditional.

Are you okay, Mom?

I mean, you really loved him,



and you still have
to work with him.

It's fine, we're adults.

I guess the only problem is...

Quinn Tyler.

- Is that Quinn Tyler?
- Uhh...

Right. Yep, that is Quinn Tyler.

- Oh, my God.
- Have you read her new book?

It's amazing.

Honey, we published it.

Wait, so you know her?

Like, she would know your face?

- She kinda would, yeah.
- Okay, then I gotta meet her.

She's my hero. [Laughs]

Lady, your food!

Quinn? Hi.

Liza, hello. I thought
I smelled the food cart.

What a stomach you must have.

Um, I just... I wanted
to introduce you

to my daughter, this is Caitlin.

Oh, my God, Miss
Tyler, I'm a huge fan.

We all are up at school.

- Oh, that's so kind.
- Where do you go, Smith?

Are you a legacy? Your mom
strikes me as a Smith girl.

I saw her wearing loafers once.

Uh, no, I'm at Vassar.

Oh, I went to Vassar!

Class of what does
that matter? [laughs]

- What year are you?
- Senior.

Oh, God, isn't it the worst?

You wanna go out in the world,
but you know this is the best

it's ever gonna be.

Ugh, I sobbed all the way

through our last
acapella concert.

- Wait you sang acapella?
- Me too,

I'm in this group called
The Troublemakers.

- I'm a Troublemaker.
- No way.

- Yes way! Oh, my God!
- [both laughing]

You know what I
actually carry around

- is a pitch pipe. [Laughs]
- Okay.

Ready? [Blows]

- Both: ♪ Ahh.
- You take the harmony.

Both: ♪ Ahh

♪ La, la, ooh, la, la

♪ Doo, doo, ah, doo,
doo, ah, da, doo ♪

♪ Shoop, shoo-bee,
doo-bee, doop ♪

♪ Shoo-bee, doo, ahh,
wah, dah, dah, doop ♪

♪ How about you?

Yay!

Both: ♪ How about you?

[both laugh]

Do you still do a group hug
after every performance?

- Yes, we do.
- Okay, then get in here.

[both laugh] Ohh.

I'll see you at the foreign
rights auction meeting.

Oh, wow. She's incredible.

As in, not to be believed, yes.

Oh, I hate myself, I was
this close to asking her,

- and I choked.
- Asking her about what?

Mom, The Spirit of Vassar
Award... why I'm in town.

I thought you had Jane Fonda.

She got arrested again.

- Can you ask her, Mom?
- Uhh...

It's her alma mater,

it's tomorrow, and it'd
be really good for me

because I'm the one
who pushed for Jane.

It's a code red, Mom.

Please.

♪ You do you, come
on and try it ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

♪ Come on and try it

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la

♪ Come on and try it

That sounds good to me.

- London, you got that?
- Yes.

- Berlin? [Speaks German]
- Yeah.

Sorry, what's that now?

Fur dich. It means "for you."

Ah, okay, I went
a different way.

- [laughter]
- That was impressive.

We don't usually let our authors

handle the foreign
rights auction.

- Oh, I know all these boys.
- They owe me.

- So if we're done...
- Um, actually,

can I talk to you for a second?

- Ooh, that sounds ominous.
- Should I be scouting the exits?

Yeah, I'm going to go, uh,
duck and cover. [Laughs]

No, it's not about
us or Charles.

Look, I know this is
probably impossible

because it's tomorrow night,

but my daughter wants me
to ask you if you'd be

willing to receive the
Spirit of Vassar Award.

Tomorrow night?

Sounds like somebody canceled.

Right. Um...

I get it, it's fine.

Thank you for being
so nice to her.

So, yeah, I'm available.

Tell her I'd be honored,
and then you can

just give me all
the details, right?

Okay, but if you're
saying yes now

and you're going
to cancel tomorrow,

it's my daughter, and it
really means a lot to her.

Liza, when are you gonna
realize you can trust me?

I promise I'll be there.

I didn't...

[sighs] Thank you.

Onions, what would street
meat be without them?

[upbeat music]

♪

Oh. Oh, Maggie.

Maggie. Maggie, Maggie,
Maggie. There you are.

Cass, it's so great
to see you! [Laughs]

Um, you really shouldn't
be seeing this.

I was supposed to just
go leave it on your desk.

It's a gift from you know who.

So we're all clear for
that trip to P-town?

Ooh, we have to clear up
a little problem first.

- I thought we did.
- Not the boobs, the tweets.

- Have you seen these?
- Well, I don't pay attention

to the critics, I mean,
no true artist does.

They're not critics.

They're students,
apparently, and quite angry.

You don't want effigies
burning in the quad.

Believe me, they make
one of me last year

over the tuition increase.

Not flattering, I
was in a plaid suit.

I read one or two of them,

and they're
completely ridiculous.

I mean, inappropriate.

How am I inappropriate?

You gotta be careful.

These kids are incredibly woke

and your work goes all
the way back to the '90s.

Just think, there could be
other skeletons in your closet.

And what about the Halloweens?

Wh-what Halloweens?

Maggie, there's been
a lot of Halloweens.

Look, I'm your ally here,

but if the students
turn on you, I...

It's one or two, tops.

Maybe they don't like Italians.

I'm the one who should be angry.

Uh-oh, I don't think
your clay is hard.

Oh, my God. This is the one
that I worked so hard on.

Oh, and careful, you could
lose a ring up there.

It happens. Am I right?

[upbeat music]

♪

- [laughter]
- Cheers.

- To Kelsey.
- Ah! Here we go.

Tonight, Brett
meets a new client,

young, successful, driven.

- That's me.
- With an agenda all her own.

So exciting.

This is the kitchen
with the view.

- I don't know.
- Oh, my God.

Okay. At the end of this,

after they're all too expensive,

I kinda say, "I think
I should just give up."

It's so hard seeing
what you want so bad

and hearing him say,
"It can't happen."

- Devastating.
- Oh, my God.

I have not felt this sad since
Meryl's scene in "Mamma Mia! 2"

when she comes back as a
ghost with good lighting.

Yeah, it happens.

It's a professional hazard.

Clients get crushes on me.

They're coming off
marriages or relationships

and I'm the guy they lean
on to start their new life

and frankly, I've got
the shoulders for it.

But Kelsey? [Laughs] Oh, my.

She is taking it to a new level.

- Oh.
- I mean, I felt her eyes

on me all afternoon.

- What?
- [wolf whistle]

[slide whistle]

[spring boings]

My God. Kelsey, look
at you looking at him,

you're giving him full
blow-up doll face.

I was looking at the backsplash.

That... that's my
tumbled granite face.

What can I say? The place
is for sale, not me.

I just don't think
I've ever come across

a client this thirsty,

I mean, motivated.

She's comin' in hot.

- I can't believe this.
- Lauren, this is your fault.

No... it's-it's not
that bad, right guys?

- No.
- No, Kelsey come on.

You opened that closet,
like, really well.

And I liked how you knew why
copper piping's important.

- Yeah.
- [scoffs]

You said this was gonna
be good for my brand.

Which is what now,
exactly, Lauren?

Some desperate, thirsty,
Manhattan bulge-hunter?

Now that actually
sounds like a show.

[upbeat music]

[sighs]

♪ Okay, okay

♪ I got the ball
straight from the jump ♪

♪ I got it all

Okay, well, we're
just very unhappy

- with how you portrayed her.
- Unhappy, no.

You tell them that I will sue.

Like, they cannot
air that again.

- Uh-huh, yes, she's here.
- You know what?

And we're going to bow out.

Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Yes, I will tell her that.

Yeah, I remember.

No, no, no, no. Yeah, I do.

Okay, I gotta go. Bye bye.

What? You remember what?

- Um... [clears throat]
- Apparently I might have signed

a four-episode contract for you

while that cute guy was
wiring you for your mic.

You know, I didn't
want to interrupt

a moment that
might be happening.

What?

Lauren, wait, I can't quit.

Uhh... [straining]

Wait, you can be fired.

Yes, it's reality TV, right?

So they like crazy,
and drunk, and angry.

So you just be
calm, be reasonable.

Don't flip over a table or
poop on the floor in Mexico,

You know... just they'll move
on to the next crazy person.

Hm, okay, so that's your plan.

Just act dull.

Kels, come on, you can do this.

Just be that girl you
are in the mornings,

when you start telling
me about your dreams.

♪

[scoffs]

[upbeat music]

♪

[loungey piano music playing]

♪

Oh, that's nice.

Charles is doing
the publisher thing

and walking in with
his author. [laughs]

Mom, are Quinn and Charles...

Yes, they are dating buddies,

and thus, naturally,

he accompanies her
unto gatherings.

She's his rebound?

Oh God, you should have told me,

- I never would've asked.
- Then you wouldn't have

saved the day, right?

And I wanted you
to save the day.

I will try to hate
her a little for you,

but after tonight, okay?

Don't hate her.

I don't even hate her.

Come on Mom, you're only human.

Yeah, the human
who needs a drink.

[sighs] No.

I know it's only four months
until you're legal, but no.

Whatever. Dad will get me one.

- Say what now?
- Dad!

He wanted to come. I hope
that's not a big deal.

- God, no.
- What a super fun evening

this is turning out to be.

- I'll be right back.
- Hey, Liza.

You're looking well.

You, too. I think one of
your gums is bleeding.

Ooh, yeah, yeah.

That's been happening.
No big deal.

Uh, just... yeah. [Laughs]

Developing a teeth
whitening system,

so I dialed it up to 11.

I didn't know you
were gonna be here.

Well, I dumped enough money
into this place. [Laughs]

Time to recoup with a little
free chicken dinner, right?

Yeah. One chicken dinner
ought to even you right up.

[laughs]

♪

So this is a classic
pre-war five,

but actually built last year.

- So pre the next war?
- [chuckles]

You look, uh, I
don't know, down.

No, I don't talk when I look,

which may not make
very interesting

or compelling viewing,

which could result
in lower ratings,

but it's just me.

No, no, no, you're tender today.

No, not at all.

I'm just...

I know this building,

and there's nothing
under two million.

I threw a party on the penthouse

- for my company.
- Oh, and your company

is important to you,
isn't it, Kelsey?

It's lonely at the top.

I'm not lonely.

I'm extremely popular,
and you know what?

- What?
- No, no, no.

I'm not... I'm...
I'm fine, I'm fine.

I'm not... not doing this.

Well, I may not be able to
make all your dreams come true,

but how about these
bookshelves, huh?

Your love of books is
one thing I can satisfy.

I mean, it's like it was made
for a, I don't know, say,

a young publishing exec
who sometimes curls up

with a novel to
nurse a broken heart.

- Oh, hang on.
- Oh my gosh.

That's one of your books, right?

- Is this cut in half?
- What the hell is this?

It's genius, right?

I mean, you don't want
a big, old bookcase

eating up floor space.

- Solution: Faux.
- Okay, I'm done.

This whole show is insane.

You haven't shown me one
apartment I can afford

- and... and now this?
- Okay.

This is aspirational TV.

No one in America wants to
see what you can afford.

- You are just wasting my time.
- Bye.

And guys, he's wasting
your time, too.

- [mouthing]
- And just so you know,

America, I can do a lot better

than a guy who talks
about his cats,

and their many moods
in between takes.

And speaking of faux,

that's a sock in his pants.

Yeah, wardrobe told me.

Starting to sound a lot
like hell hath no fury

like a wo... ow!

Cut.

♪

- Ugh!
- Kelsey.

Rob. Clare's ex. How are you?

Do you know what they're
doing in your building

on the 20th floor, that TV show?

I'm guessing you're
gonna tell me.

That stupid reality
show where we're

supposed to pretend we're
gonna find our dream home,

but instead they humiliate
you and won't let you quit.

So you are one of their clients.

I... I did not know that.

- So you're in on this?
- I work with them.

Yeah, and all the
big developers do.

We gotta move these apartments.

Unbelievable.

Well, you know what?
Next time you try to sell

an apartment to a publisher,

don't line the walls
with decapitated books.

[chuckles] No wonder
Clare dumped you.

[upbeat music]

♪

For me, the real
spirit of Vassar

is in the young
people it educates.

Now, I've met some
of them tonight,

and there's one young
lady in particular

who is in perfect tune with
our cherished alma mater,

and I wanna thank her.

I want to thank all of you.

Now I have a dessert to finish.

Good night,
everybody. [applause]

Wow. Hot millionaire.

Respect, man.

Was that shout out for me?

- Yeah.
- Thank you for that

and for this... Really,
thank you so much.

Aw, anything for a Troublemaker.

Speaking of teeth, how's
your relationship with yours?

- Cordial.
- 'Cause I'm launching

a teeth whitening company.

Right now, we're just
kinda putting together

the synergy, the vertical
integration, and the metrics.

- The metrics.
- I'd love to explain it all

to you, walk you through my
vision for America's mouth.

You know, the healthcare segment

is one of the
certainties of our time.

So take this card.

She's the head of my VC firm.

- Venture capital firm.
- Mm.

She might be able to smooth
out your learning curve.

- Or vice versa.
- I'm always very happy

to share my expertise.

Thank you.

[indistinct chatter]

Both: Hey.

I just... I just wanted
to say thank you.

- Aw.
- And I don't know, I just...

I wish I understood you better.

Hell, I know.

I've written two books about me,

and I can tell you,
bitch is unpredictable.

- [both chuckle]
- No, I'm serious.

I wanna think that
you've changed

and Charles obviously does,

but you kinda
built a trap for me

the night of your book
launch, and I fell into it.

Are you that person or this one?

- [scoffs]
- You need to remember that

you were digging for dirt on
me in order to get between

me and Charles, so
I had to play rough.

I knew it didn't look great,
but when it comes to him,

I'd rather save my
ass than my face.

Doesn't he deserve that?

Yes.

Look, you may not know me,

but I know who you are.

You're Maria von Trapp,

you're sweetness and light,
and pillow fights and guitars,

and I am just not that.

Whether I like it or
not, I'm the baroness.

Nobody roots for the baroness.

But what they always forget is
the baroness loved the Captain.

She loved him very much.

Good night, Liza.

[somber music]

♪

♪

- Hi.
- Hey.

Funny thing, I meant to tell you

that I had breakfast
with Dylan Park

at Marlow and Sons
the other day.

Oh, how did she like your notes?

Good. Great. Yeah.

But as we were leaving,

we ran into Lottie
from "Vulture,"

and I pitched a piece about
Inkubator for their site.

I thought, let 'em run a sidebar

or a chapter of Dylan's book.

Dylan was fine with it if
we are... anything we want.

Huh.

I mean, I think that could work.

Ohh, thank God,

'cause Lottie kinda
jumped the gun

and it dropped today,
a half-hour ago.

- What? Oh, my God.
- I know.

But read the comments.
They love it.

Lottie says it's already

driving a lot of
traffic to the site.

She wants another
chapter. Are you mad?

Oh, my God.

They love it. Oh, my God!

Our little Inkubator
is taking off.

I know.

[upbeat music]

Oh my God, can you stop these?

- Whoa.
- What are you talking about?

- Look at these tweets.
- I've read nicer things about me

on the wall of the men's
room in high school.

I mean, at least they
were more accurate.

Wait, trans-phobic?

You're not trans-phobic.

No, no, but I guess I
triggered some students

when I mentioned my old show,

you know, "Gypsies,
Trannies, and Thieves."

Uhh...

Did you use air
quotes, at least?

I know, I know. But it's what
we used to call each other

back in the day.

I mean, technically, we don't

say gypsy anymore, either.

It's Romani or traveller.

But, hey, thieves is
still okay, though.

- You know, that's my problem.
- I've never been

a tiptoe person, but, you know,
thank God, 'cause that show

- put me on the map.
- It's not adult ed, is it?

- No.
- All right, 'cause if

you're teaching a bunch
of college students,

I don't think these
tweets came from them.

- How can you tell?
- You got Twitter for desktop,

um, this quote
from Leslie Stahl,

and the lingo... Who
says, razzamatazz?

[laughs] If you ask me,
you made one real enemy,

and they're definitely
too old to be a student.

- [sighs] Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Thank you. Give me this.

Thank you. Oh, my God.

I gotta go. I'll call you later.

Okay.

Razzamatazz.

♪

Can I have a word
with you, Dean?

Yes, come in. Listen,

I'm afraid the situation
is going sideways.

We've had more tweets.

Ooh, your poor little fingers.

It must be really hard
typing razzamatazz.

So many Z's.

I'm sorry. I don't understand.

I know it was you.

"Groovy," "right on"

and a quote from
Billie Jean King.

This was all you.

You set me up,

because you didn't
believe me about Kamila.

Of course I don't believe you.

She gave me a bust of
herself last Christmas.

Why would she give
me another one?

You pressured her, to send
you photos of her bosom.

And worse than that, you
are damaging these kids

with your antiquated views.

[chuckles] Me? Antiquated?

You wear rouge and told
me to pack my valise

- for Provincetown.
- Well, guess what?

You can unpack it,
'cause you're fired.

You brought this on yourself.

And I don't blame Kamila,
poor thing, she's vulnerable,

she's struggling,
you took advantage,

she's trying to overcome
her sexual blocks.

Oh, she overcomes all right,

like the flume ride
at Coney Island,

like a broken shower head,

like an open fire hydrant
in a hot city street.

- Get out!
- No. You know what?

Not without my clay tits.

Oh, excuse me... my clay bosom.

Ciao.

[cell phone buzzing]

Kelsey?

I meant to decline,
I'm sorry. Bye.

Hang on, hang on.

I just wanted to let you know
that you are out of the show,

and they've agreed not
to run your episode.

Are you serious?

How did that happen?

Eight of the next ten
locations are in my buildings.

I call it leverage,

I think they call it blackmail,

- Potato, potahto.
- Well, thank you.

- You're welcome.
- And I learned my lesson here,

you know, reality
is not my friend.

I learned a lesson, too.

Next time I stage an apartment,

I'm gonna use real books.

- [laughs]
- I was thinking maybe

you could help me pick some out.

You want books, Rob, I
will send you a list,

along with a link to a little
trade secret we call Amazon.

Hey, I live on Amazon,

but I was thinking of maybe

supporting a nice
independent bookstore.

I recycle, got bamboo sheets,

I'm pretty left-wing
for a money-hungry

real estate developer,
if you grade on a curve.

There is literally
nothing you could say

that would persuade me
to get within five feet

of someone in
Manhattan real estate.

I've got two things.

One: No cameras.

And two: I will only buy
Empirical books. No, uh...

Not Empirical, Millennial books.

I'd like to be loyal
to the classic brands.

[sighs] Meet me at
Little Shop, 7:00 p.m.

♪

Hi.

Lauren wanted some promo copies.

I can't believe the sales.

And no daggers this time.

I just got off the
phone with Caitlin.

She said you arranged
an internship

for her this summer with
Mind Palace podcasts.

- It's my pleasure.
- When you're a soprano,

you have to love your altos.

- They're the frame.
- [laughs]

And she's a great kid.

I'm assuming mostly
thanks to you.

David's not so bad.

- Not to her, anyway.
- [laughs]

- I had a David...
- A Harry actually.

But I got rid of him as
soon as I figured that out.

Harry? He's not in your books.

Not my happiest memory.

God, I thought I was
so smart bailing early,

but maybe you was smarter.

You stayed, you did
the marriage thing,

and you got Caitlin
out of the deal.

I do a lot of deals, but
I don't have a Caitlin.

Probably never will.

- Quinn...
- Of course, not going

through childbirth has
certain compensations.

Everything down here
is exactly the way.

God and my waxer Fabian made me.

Hmm.

See, don't worry,

I'm still me.

See you later.

♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh just
wait till I go ♪

Oh, this is enough
for ten bookshelves,

20 if I cut 'em in half.

- Ha, ha.
- [laughs]

Okay, well, it was fun.

My train's on the corner.

Oh, no, no, Freddie can
take you anywhere you want.

Home or maybe dinner with
a friendly book lover.

You dated Clare.

We broke up last month.

Oh, wow, a whole 30 days.

Are you even close with Clare?

- What's her last name?
- Uhh, something Irish?

O'Something... McSomething.

- Oh, nope.
- [laughs]

Yeah, that's what I thought.

What if I call you tomorrow?

Is 31 the magic number,
or is it day 41?

I can count really high.

It's a hard pass.

Thank you, though,
and my authors,

they thank you, too.

Tell them they're welcome.

♪

Okay. Well, good night.

O'Reilly! Clare O'Reilly.

O'Brien.

Good night, Kelsey.

♪

[upbeat music]

♪ One, two, whoo

- It's probably a good
thing. You're an artist.

And the whole teaching
thing might have become

this great distraction.

Yeah, you know what they say,

those who can't do teach, right?

Yeah, and those who do
the Dean's wife, can't.

- [laughs]
- You know, you're right

and this show is who I
am, I can't wait to see...

Hey, what are you
doing with that sign?

Maggy Amato's been canceled.

No, you mean postponed.

No, canceled.

Not just the show, the
person... she's canceled.

Have you read what they've
been saying about her

on Twitter?

Who are you?

Nobody, I guess.

♪ I'm off the radar

♪

- Who would we be working with?
- Both of us.

- It'll be a double date.
- Ha.

Liza, this is really good.

[upbeat music]

He proposed?

[both laugh]

I'm not really looking for a
complicated dating situation.

Clare and I ended
things amicably.

And have you asked Clare
how she feels about that?

Well, it's never too late to
be what you might have been.

You believe that's true?

I should've seen this coming.

♪