Younger (2015–…): Season 7, Episode 5 - The Last Unicorn - full transcript

♪ MTV ♪

I just went through
a really bad breakup,

and I don't know if
I could or should

jump back into
bed with somebody.

What do you think
about a fall release?

We'd have to move
quickly, though.

Oh, good.
I love moving quickly.

What is happening?

Are things really over
between you and Charles?

He's

free to do whatever he wants.



Thanks, Liza.

I just never thought you'd
be someone's rebound.

When an employee
doesn't get along

with the boss' new girlfriend,

guess who's out?

[upbeat music]

Hey. [Both:] Hi.

♪ ♪

Hey, baby girl.

Aw, thanks for taking
her on short notice.

Yes, of course.

We got a light day
today, so we're good.

So Clare, how is life with
the real estate mogul?

You mean Rob.
And he's hardly a mogul.



And we split up, so...

What? When did that happen?

[sighs] Just last week.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

You didn't wanna
say anything to me?

You know you can still
talk to me, right?

[coos]
I'm still your...

Baby daddy.
Yeah, I'm... yeah.

Yeah.
Mm-hmm.

[laughs] Thanks, but I'm fine.

He's a great guy, we're just,
you know, in different places.

Yes, I'm even boring
myself with all this.

Okay.
[laughs]

Bye, baby. Bye.

Bye.
Go kick some ass today, Mommy.

[sighs]

God, that has to be so hard.

Dating as a single mom?

We should take
her out to brunch.

Oh, Kelsey, brunch is
your answer to everything.

Do you think she really
wants to unload on us?

Just make it a tea. It's
less of a commitment.

Yeah, I think she'd love that.

[cell phone dings]
[gasps]

Oh, no.

No, no. No, no. This
is... this... this is bad.

Wait. What is happening?
Use your words.

Okay, I gotta get to Liza's.

Kels, bring my
galleys to Empirical.

I am not your assistant.
[door clicks shut]

[laughs]

[sighs]

Good morning, beauty!
Lauren, what... why?

Maggie!
Uh-uh, nope.

I sent her on a bagel run.

You're gonna need some carbs.

[sighs]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Okay.

Yeah, you're looking at me
like I'm the jittery waxer

who just ripped
off your perineum,

and that's fine, okay?
Quinn is coming in

to review the marketing plan
for "The F Word" at 10:00.

And you can either find
out when she saunters in

wearing one of his wrinkled
shirts as a mini dress,

or you can find
out from a friend.

I came as soon as I heard.

Thanks, friend.

[door clicks open and shut]

FedEx just dropped off
his-and-her "Gatsby" costumes.

[sighs] Those are mine.

My friend Michelle's.

Roaring '20s anniversary
party is tonight.

Oh, shit.
His and hers?

Charles was supposed to come,

but I guess I'll
just be hanging solo

in a room full of
judgmental couples.

Liza, no, no, no, no, no.
Say no more.

I'm gonna call my
friend Stefanos, okay?

He staffs bartenders,
cater waiters,

the hottest men
you've ever seen.

Now most of them
are Kinsey-6 gay,

but they will definitely
give you the old grope-a-dope

in front of your PTA friends
if you tip generously.

Lauren, are these sex
workers or waiters?

Yes, they are.

[laughs]
I'm good.

♪ It's about to go down ♪

♪ It's about to get loud ♪

♪ It's about to go down ♪

Thank you all so much

for pulling this
together so quickly.

I really wanna get it
out as soon as possible.

Ooh, can I read
them the new ending?

[quirky music]

Oh, I'm not sure that...
He inspired it.

He made a joke that he
was my consolation prize

after the whole senate debacle.

Here, listen to this.

Um, why don't we save
it for the copy edits?

Aw, he's so shy.

♪ ♪

The gentlest warriors always
carry the biggest swords.

So...
[laughing crazily]

Liza.

"Claw" would've been
a much better book

if I had listened to your notes.

So I'm listening now.

I'd be happy to.

Uh, we have some more
editorial notes to review,

but why don't we do
that in my office?

Of course. And thanks, Liza.

[quietly] You're so welcome.

You handled that so
much better than I would

if someone was talking
about my ex's sword

in a meeting.

You do not have
to read that book.

[heavy thud]

Oh, no.
[sighs]

It's well written.

I mean, even if a lot of
it sounds like bullshit.

Well, it's a book about failure

written by billionaire.

Of course it's bullshit.

But these stories
that she tells...

[laughs] They sound phony.

I mean, is anyone
really going to believe

that Pope Benedict consulted her

about admitting female clergy?

Well, Charles is
editing the book.

Maybe we just let
him worry about it.

Yeah, but he's not
seeing things clearly

because they're...
Whatever they are.

Okay, he's not seeing
things clearly?

This has nothing to do with us.

Naomi Wolf's last
book got canceled

when they found out that it
was full of factual errors.

Her publisher lost
a ton of money.

Quinn has already hired a
third-party fact checker.

And she's never forged
anything before, has she?

Are we just going to sit by

while the woman who almost
bankrupted our company once

and besmirched our reputation
threatens to do it again?

[sighs] Okay.

Liza, I want you to know

that I recognize
your passion, okay?

I respect it, and I fear it.

Okay, ignore her.

Ignore this, okay?

It's Charles's problem
now, not yours.

[sighs] Okay.

[light music]

And this story about
Elizabeth Warren

telling Quinn she's one
of the good billionaires

is both politically volatile
and provably inaccurate.

Elizabeth Warren
categorically says

the existence of
billionaires is immoral.

Also...

Liza.

I need to apologize to you

for what happened
in the meeting.

I can't imagine a worse way

for you to find that out.

I'd already seen
it in "Page Six."

That's definitely worse.

I'm sorry...
You know what?

It's none of my business.

Let's just keep it to the book.

Why don't I just
fact-check some of these?

You're still not sold?

Quinn is a controversial author.

People will already be dubious

that she's turned
over a new leaf.

Okay.

So let me know what you find.

Great.

I will report any red flags...

For the book.

I meant for the book.

I have gotta go.

I'm a late for a... a thing. So.

There's a chair.

[upbeat jazz music]

♪ ♪

I'm honestly embarrassed

that I didn't clock this
Rob/Clare breakup thing.

I mean look at her Insta.

Apple picking with Rob,

then Domino Park
with Rob and Gemma.

Yeah, and then back
on the market hard.

Did we even know that
she could do the splits?

No.
[laughs]

Hey, you guys, can
someone grab my coat?

Uh, why, girl?
You naked in there?

Uh, n... no.

I just... oh...
[gasps]

No, no, no, no, no.
Yes!

[gasps] Hello, gorgeous.

It's just a costume for a party

that I maybe
shouldn't even go to.

Why? You're single again.

You need to put
it on main, girl.

That's what Clare did.
Mm-hmm.

Let the new customers
see what's on the menu

and let the old ones see
what they're missing.

What is she talking about?
[laughs]

I'll explain on the
way to the elevator.

Past Charles.

No, no, I shouldn't do that.

Yeah, and he shouldn't
have shown up

in "Page Six" with Quinn, okay?

Sashay away.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

♪ Take a load off your mind ♪

♪ Baby, you're one of a kind ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Let your
individuality be kind ♪

Bye, Charles.
Have a great weekend.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

I'm sorry, which wave
of feminism is this?

Oh, shut up and just
be petty for once.

[sighs]
He's choking on his water.

Don't look.
Oh.

[scoffs]

♪ We got it, we got it ♪

[jazz music playing]

♪ ♪

Liza!

[laughs] Hi.

Ooh, that dress.
[chuckles]

I thought you were
just defrauding

that publishing house.

What? Are you
embezzling now too?

[laughs] I'm just kidding.

Where's Charles?

Oh, no.

Oh, you poor thing.

I knew this would happen.

I read all about
his first marriage.

I did a little deep Googling.

It's just Googling on
three glasses of wine.

Of course he wasn't ready

to commit to anybody.

Oh, you must be devastated.

Are you devastated?

Actually, he proposed.
You said no?

I didn't want to
get married again.

I don't even know if I
believe in it anymore.

It's a flawed system.
Aw, honey.

You and I can split
a bottle of chards

and rail against the
prison of matrimony

on another night

that isn't my 20th
wedding anniversary party.

Right.
Ooh, Denny.

Jules! Excuse me.

Oh! You poor thing.

♪ ♪

[bumping electronic music]

♪ ♪

[glass dinging]

Hi, hi. Excuse me.

I just wanted to
take a minute as dean

to welcome all of
our esteemed guests

and thank the
artists who donated

to the silent auction to
benefit our scholarship fund.

Bored?
Yep.

Booze?
Yep.

So have a wonderful time,

enjoy the open bar,

please bid early and often,

but not on that piece
by Maggie Amato.

I've already made
space in my den.

Thank you all so much.

[applause]

[chatter]

[light piano music]

Hi.

♪ ♪

Um, you have your eye
on anything tonight?

Sure do.

I mean on any pieces.
I know what you meant.

You are so stunning.

Hey, did you hear
that name-drop?

You're officially
queen of art prom.

Aw, the dean's just friends
with my gallerist, that's all.

And whose friend is she?

[jazzy Broadway music playing]

♪ ♪

Five, six, seven, eight.

And left. And right.

And step, step, step, step.

Keep those hips square.

It's a Charleston,
not a lap dance.

Hon, do you need
a dance partner?

Nope, I'm good.

♪ Shout hooray and hallelu! ♪

♪ Now me and Mr. Wrong
are through ♪

♪ I'll find myself
another beau ♪

♪ Who I know is no rover ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

♪ Forget about the boy ♪

[cheers and applause]

Liza Miller, is that you?

Vince? Hi!

What? Oh, my goodness.

It's been ages.

Carpool, ninth grade.

As soon as the
girls could drive,

I was a ghost. [Both laughing]

Vinny, you made it. [Laughs]
Hey.

Without a costume like
the invitation required.

Yeah, well...

I will go to the costume chest.

Liza, keep an eye on him.

[laughs]

I can't believe Andrea

let you out of the
house without a costume.

Well, Andrea has a
new husband to dress.

We got a divorce
a few years ago.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I didn't know. I've
been in New York.

I know, I know.
I've heard a lot about you.

Okay, everyone, let's Lindy hop!

[jazz music playing]

[both laugh]
Uh, show me a few moves?

♪ ♪

They're plant-based...
Oh, Maggie!

Hey, I had an ulterior motive
for asking you here tonight.

Is this a lesbian
speed-dating event?

Don't leave me alone.
[laughs]

Listen, we have an
open teaching position

in our visual arts program,
and you are a perfect fit.

Wha... me? Really?

Yes, you, because you've
got decades of experience,

but you're still
making vital work.

You'd mentor our students

and teach them
everything you've learned

being a working
artist in New York.

She's basically already
doing that for free.

Well, then let's
get her paid for it.

Come by my office next week.

Okay.
Great.

[electronic dance music]

♪ ♪

What a night for
Professor Amato.

Right?
It doesn't even sound real.

[laughs]

It's like a character
in a bad porno.

Hey, now.

Speaking of bad pornos,

I think I know how
this one's gonna end.

Look, I'm catching an
early train to Philly

to go see KT in
the morning, so...

Be good, Professor Amato.

You got a light?
Yeah.

You seem tense.

Yeah, well, it's
not really my scene.

Me either.

These things are
always super boring.

Well, then what are
we still doing here?

Good question.

Coming?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[jazz music playing]

I didn't know that
you moved to the city.

I'm so out of the loop.
Or nobody talks about me.

Oh, well, they definitely
used to talk about you.

My book-club ladies
called you "hot dad."

Ooh.

I pitched "Prince Vince," but
they thought it was too cutesy.

Is that why Lori Champlin
always "ran out of gas"

at away games?

You know, she tried to
kiss me at homecoming.

[gasps]
She kissed me at book club.

So by the transitive property,

we've already kissed.

But she didn't kiss you, so...

Settle down, Hot Mom.
You know, we'll get there.

♪ ♪

No one called me Hot Mom.

Well, I did just now.

Keep dancing. Don't give up.

[laughs]

[dreamy music]

Ugh, the whole night
was like a dream.

A room full of art snobs
gushing over my work,

and then a stranger... I...

But you see where this is going.

I do, and thanks for stopping.

Well, I mean you had
a great night too.

Are you gonna text Hot Dad?

Um, maybe.

I mean, it was fun seeing him

and nice to know that a
crush was reciprocated.

You know, sometimes
that's enough.

Really? That's enough now?

I don't know anything
anymore, Maggie.

Ah, well, I got something

that might be able
to help with that.

My trick left me a little treat.

I don't know what it does,
but it's French and it's pink.

[laughs] Well, it's 8:00 a.m.

It's a little early
for recreational drugs,

and I can't.

I have to fact-check
Quinn's book.

Fact-check?

You know, I really don't
understand your job.

[sighs] Neither do I.

♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ Like it, love it, love it ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I-I ♪

♪ Like it, love it, ooh ♪

♪ Love it! ♪

So Aiden, you were Quinn's
assistant for how long?

Uh, second assistant.

Yeah, I never made it to first.

So I wasn't, like, interacting
with power players.

I was fetching
her birth control.

Getting screamed at for
getting the wrong kind.

Been there.

It's hard being
someone's assistant.

Yeah, "Hand-Aiden," that's
what she used to call me...

In front of Melinda
Gates; That was fun.

Sorry, you did not come here
to listen to me complain.

So, uh, what do you
need to kill this book?

No, no, no.
Oh, come on.

You can't stand her. I
could tell on the phone.

I can help. I want to.
I'm not...

I am just trying to verify
a story from her book.

Okay.

The one about her
divestment from WeWork

just before they
pulled their IPO.

A lot of pundits hinted that

she was tipped off by
someone inside and bailed.

That's a dead end.

She never wanted to
invest in that cult,

but the board overruled her,
so she pulled out of the fund

and was the only one who
didn't look like an idiot

when they pulled it.

So she's telling the truth?
Yeah.

Thank you, Aiden.

Yeah, but, I mean, I'm
sure we can find something

to take her down, or, hell,

we could make something up.

I mean look what you have...
Thank you, Aiden.

Yeah.

[pop music]

Happy breakup brunch, ladies.
Yeah.

Go ahead, Clare.
Let it all out.

[sighs]

This is really nice of you guys,

but I'm actually okay.

You know, it was
a mature breakup.

Rob and I are at different
places in our lives,

and we're just, you know,
we're not the right fit.

That's it.

"A mature breakup"?
I don't know her.

No, I know, couldn't be
me, but good for you.

[laughs]
Well, now I feel bad.

Can we keep day drinking even
though I'm not devastated?

I mean, I already
paid the babysitter.

Of course, yes, hello.
Yeah.

Thank you, and I'm sure
you're exaggerating.

How did you and Zane end things?

Oh, he dumped her over FaceTime

because she got
promoted above him.

No. Both: Yes!

Yes, 100.
Okay.

Oh, my gosh. Okay.

We're gonna...

Can we... one more? Thanks.

Okay, start at the beginning.

[phone chatter]

Yes, Father. Okay, Father.

Yes, we just wanted
to verify everything

in her book before
we go to print.

[phone chatter]

Yes, she is so great,

isn't she?

Okay. Okay.

Hail... hail... hail Mary.

Bye-bye.

[cell phone buzzes]

Vince, hi.

Hey, Hot Mom.

Oh, I don't think that
name's gonna stick.

Um, how was your Saturday?

Well, not as good as my
Friday, thanks to you.

So I was thinking,
we're both in the city,

we're both single,

and I have a reservation

in Soho on Monday and
no one to go with.

That sounds really
nice, actually,

but I should be honest with you.

I'm not sure I'm ready to be

someone's dance
partner right now.

That's good,

because I think I
popped my knee out

during the Lindy hop.
[laughs]

Listen, I know you just
got out of something.

All I'm looking for is
somebody to sit across from me

at a nice restaurant.

A dinner buddy.
Exactly.

You know, anything
else is just icing.

Do you do icing?

You know, I should really
learn your dietary restrictions

if we're gonna be
dinner buddies.

Yes.

What?
To dinner or to the icing?

Let's just start with dinner.
[laughs] Okay.

I'll text you the details,

and I will see you
Monday... buddy.

Okay.

♪ You know I've been hungry ♪

♪ Help me feed my hunger ♪

♪ Baby, can we hurry? ♪

♪ I can't wait much longer ♪

♪ And we're not getting
younger, younger ♪

[upbeat music]

So it's two classes per week,

a session of office hours,

and individual critiques
at the end of the term,

and this is your salary
plus medical and dental.

Fantastic!

You know, I've never had
dental insurance in my life.

So you'll think about it?

There's nothing to think about

except which crown
I'm replacing.

Uh, where do I sign?

Well, we'll finalize
the long-form contracts,

but we can get your
paperwork started now.

[knocking]

Hey, there she is.

Maggie, this my wife, Kamila.

How are you, sweet pea?
Hi, love.

[quirky music]

I remember you.

Um, you do?

You bid on her
painting, right, babe?

I did, I did, and we're gonna
be seeing a lot more of her

'cause she's teaching here now.

That's terrific news.

♪ ♪

Welcome to the family.

Thanks.

So why were Clare
and Lauren kissing

on Instagram Stories
this weekend?

We had a breakup brunch

which Lauren tried to turn
into a make-out dinner.

Oh.

But we're over our exes,
so it all worked out.

[both chuckle]

Liza, thank you so
much for your notes.

They were as smart and
incisive as I'd hoped.

Just doing my job.

Yeah, that's what
I'm trying to do too.

So I hope we can put the
past in the past and move on.

Mm-hmm.

Should I forward the
notes to Charles?

Oh, no, I can show
him tonight at dinner.

Great.
[cell phone buzzing]

Oh... oh, God, it's Pelosi.

I gotta take this. Hey, girl.

[laughs]

Are you okay?

Yeah, I just gotta get
used to her being around.

Better to have her as an
ally than an enemy, right?

Yeah, definitely
better as an ally.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[both laughing]

Okay, they called
me "Legs-a Miller"?

Yes.
That is so stupid.

[laughs]
-Well, look, it's no Hot Dad,

but what do you expect

from a bunch of suburban
mortgage brokers?

[laughs]

I used to have

such a crush on you.

Is that okay to say
on a first date?

It's not a date, buddy.

Besides, I think I'm undatable.

You are many things,

but undatable isn't one of them.

So since it's not a date,

can I ask how you
and Andrea are doing?

We're friendly.

My divorce was probably
a lot like yours.

Oh, so you cheated on her

and lost all your savings
playing blackjack in Bayonne?

Yikes. Not that. [Chuckles]

I just mean that we were
married pretty young,

and, um, I've been married
most of my adult life.

And so when it ended,

I finally had to ask
myself who I really was.

♪ ♪

And who were you?

Well, I was a person

who grew up with
miserable parents.

Hmm.

And then my own relationships

were not great,

but as long as I was successful,

I could convince myself

that a partner was a
liability that I didn't want.

All I ever really
wanted was a family,

a house, a wife, kids.

Do you know how much pressure
that puts on a marriage?

I do,

and I know how
destabilizing it is

when you put all your
chips on something,

and it doesn't work out.
[scoffs]

Your whole life, a
really good life,

just vaporizes.

And for the first
time in your life,

you're just alone.

I never minded being alone.

But then when my
senate race exploded,

I looked around.

I realized that I didn't
have any people in my life.

Only employees.
[chuckles]

And then when I bumped
into you in Chicago,

I can't even say it was
a feeling I had missed.

Because honestly,

I don't know if I'd
ever felt it before.

I've never felt older

than on dates with
younger women.

[laughs] Why?

I mean, seriously,
there's only so many times

that you can say, "Wow," to
a TikTok dance challenge,

you know?

And most people our age

are so terrified
of ending up alone

that they just wanna
lock something down.

So why don't you?

I just got to a place where
my life can surprise me again.

I hate surprises.

Always have.

I like stability.

I just don't feel like I should
have to apologize for that.

No.

Look, in my experience,

when you know what you want,

you don't apologize for it.

Hmm.

You go for it.

Well,

then it's lucky that
we found each other.

Do you know how lucky we are
to have found each other?

Seriously.

You're a unicorn.

Most women, when I tell them

I don't want to get married
again, they get so upset.

But you're over it.

No rings, no strings.

Next time, we don't
even have to get dinner.

[laughs] Buddy.

I want dinner, Vince.

Yeah. Good.

Okay, yeah, me too.

I want a relationship.

I don't... I don't want to
be sleeping around forever.

That sounds exhausting.
Okay.

I want a partner.

I want to share my
life with someone.

I just don't wanna
move into his house

and become his wife

and have my life
revolve around his.

I mean, why is that so
hard for him to understand?

I'm sorry, who?

My ex who proposed
to me out of nowhere

at someone else's wedding.

And you said no, or...

Why?

Like, it sounds like
that's what you wanted,

so why couldn't you
just get married?

Why couldn't he just
not get married?

Why did he have to throw
everything away over semantics?

Why does he get to
decide it's over

just because he didn't
get what he wanted?

So you're still
in love with him?

Of course I'm still
in love with him!

And I blew it... or
he did or we both did

or it doesn't matter
because it's over,

and he's moved on, and I'm in
Soho at some hot new restaurant

with a dinner buddy
because I'm what?

[inhales sharply]

Undatable? [Cries]

I'm just gonna go use the

yeah.

[somber music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ ♪

[laughs]

[cell phone buzzing]

Hi, this is Liza.

Hi, Liza, this is Ayanna
Williams returning your call.

I was Quinn Tyler's consultant
in the California primary.

Right. Hi, Ayanna.

I am with her publisher.

I was just calling to
fact-check something

for her new book, but
I think we're all set.

Another book?

At least I don't
have to read it.

What is it about?

Failure.
It's called "The F Word."

That's smart.
It makes her look relatable.

That was always one of
her biggest negatives.

Not the only one though.

What did you do
for her campaign?

Oppo research.

I was supposed to
expose the flaws

in her candidacy so
she could fix that.

What were her
flaws, if I can ask?

People thought she was cold,

a little condescending, elitist.

Mmm.
But the biggest one...

And this is so stupid and
patriarchal I could scream...

Was that she wasn't married.

People couldn't reconcile that.

How was she supposed
to fix that?

I literally told her

to find a guy with kind
eyes and a strong jawline

to stand next her,

and she would jump ten
points in the polls.

15 if the guy had a
normal-looking kid.

Really?

And how did she take that?

Not well,

but she ate it pretty
hard in that senate race.

So if she runs again...
When she runs again;

There are already rumors
she wants to be governor...

I think she'd suck
it up and do it.

Do what?

Recruit a discount Kennedy

to walk her across
the finish line.

♪ Lies, lies ♪

Thanks for getting back to me.

No problem.

♪ They taste like honey ♪

♪ Deceive your eyes ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ It's all just fun again ♪

♪ Yay ♪

As someone who's gone
head-to-head with Quinn,

trust me, there's no
winning or losing.

There's just hangovers.

Why does Josh have
all this baby stuff?

You still haven't told
her about your offspring?

It's not like I haven't tried.

I just want what's best for you.

You've got the wrong idea, Liza.

You set me up.

I mean, lucky for us, sex sells.

Do you think we
can pull this off?

I have no idea.

If I would've said
something sooner,

would it have made a difference?

[pop music]

♪ ♪