Younger (2015–…): Season 6, Episode 8 - The Debu-taunt - full transcript

Charles wants to take the next step with Liza. Millennial participates in a Debutante Ball for first-time authors.


Yes, honey, I have got it right here.

No, no, don't worry. I will.

All right, sweetheart. Bye.

- Bianca or Nicole?
- Bianca.

Frantic about her book report.

Oh, yeah, "A Wrinkle In Time."

I... I mean, we worked
really hard on that.


She forgot it last night
when Pauline picked her up,

and it is due this afternoon.

Damn it, I have got a breakfast
in Tribeca in a half hour.

Go. I can drop it off at school.

You're already late. I got it.

I don't deserve you.




♪ ♪


Oh, come on, climate change.
It was 68 degrees yesterday.


Oh, God, do I not have a coat here?

This'll do.

This is for Bianca Brooks.

She's in Ms. Wong's fifth grade class.

If you just point me in
the right direction,

I can drop it off for her.

We can't actually let you do that

since you're not the registered parent.

- Oh.
- Bianca can pick it up

- from the office at lunch time.
- Oh, that sounds right.

Thank you so much.

Um, excuse me?


Pauline, hi. I wasn't
expecting to see you.

- Is that why you wore my coat?

Oh, my God, I... I...

there was the recent weather
patterns, and I just...

- Relax, Liza, I'm kidding.

It suits you.

Isn't this just lovely?

Bianca mentioned that
she had two mommies.

Yeah, no, Mrs. Klepper,

Liza here is Charles's
girlfriend, not...

- Oh.
- Good-bye, Pauline.

Another successful interaction
for the books, I think.


- Look, Liza, wait.
- Oh, my God.

No, no, no, it's freezing.
Please, keep it.

Consider it an olive branch.

But now that the divorce negotiations

are more or less behind us,

can't we all behave like grown-ups?

- Is this a ceasefire?
- Yes.

And my girls love you.

Ooh, you know what?

You should be on the pick-up
list, don't you think?

Wow, um... yes, I do think.
You do think?

- I mean, are you sure?
- Yes.

Mrs. Klepper, can we register Liza?

She'll be around for the long haul.

Of course, Pauline.


♪ ♪

I should have froze instead
of wearing that coat.

I'd have gotten hypothermia,
but maybe I would have died,

and none of this would have happened.

But it does not do to dwell on dreams.


- The girls are on book three.

And don't worry about Pauline.

- It seems the worst is over.
- Is it?

Because somehow, I got roped

into having lunch with her tomorrow.


You're joking. How, why?

All good questions. Moral of the story,

I think I need to start keeping

a spare of everything at your place.

Or maybe you should just move in.

- What?
- No, not maybe.

You should move in.

Are you asking me to shack up
at the coffee machine?

Why not? I just think

if you're going to keep
one coat at my place,

why not keep them all there?

Why not start every morning
waking up together?

- Why not?
- Is that a yes?

- I'll think about it.
- Charles?

Can I have a word?


Don't overthink.

♪ ♪

I've got big news,

and I wanted
to share it with you first,

since I am your work wife.

Just your work wife, of course,

despite the salacious gossip
in the bull pen.

I'm going to be someone's real wife.

- I'm engaged to Enzo.
- That's wonderful, Diana.


Do I have your blessing, Charles?




It was spontaneous,
so there's no ring yet.

People won't know
unless it's announced.

And of course, I can't announce it.

That's like lighting
your own birthday candles.

Would you like me
to announce it, Diana?

Oh, Charles,

you've always been able
to read me like a book.


♪ ♪

Okay, first order of business:

- The Debutante Ball.
- I'm sorry, what?

I could have sworn you
just said "debutante ball."

I did, yes.

"Publisher's Weekly"
throws this big party

every year where first-time authors

are escorted by their mentors
into publishing society.

It's corny, but...

But it is the event of the season.

Remember when Maureen Dowd

and Jennifer Egan wore the same dress?

I swear, it affected book sales.

Listen, it's a big press op,

and we're missing our debutante.

First time authors.
Why not Jake Devereux?

- Hard pass.
- Quinn doesn't want to do it?

Seems right up her alley.

She's busy on
the campaign trail, thank God.

What about the notorious PTB?

Could you please use your words?

Pauline Turner Brooks.

I know we lost her upcoming sequel,

but nothing sold better than
"Marriage Vacation" last year.

Well, I could ask her.

I'm having lunch with her tomorrow.

Oh, okay. That's pretty big news.

Not that big. Makes sense.

Former author and editor reunite.

It seems downright ordinary.

I believe we have
even bigger news today.

Isn't that right, Charles?

We do? We do!

Everyone, uh...
Diana is getting married.

- What?
- You are?

- To who?
- It's "to whom,"

and his name is Enzo DeLuca.

Oh, Diana DeLuca.
Well, it's better than Trout.

I'm keeping Trout.


This is exciting! I'm so excited!

Why aren't you excited?

Liza, please deactivate yourself.

First, planning, then excitement.

Okay, well, I am here to help.

Good, but I will make
all the arrangements,

and you just make yourself useful

- on the day of.
- The day of?

What's left to do on the day of?

Well, helping me get dressed,
running interference,

with my harrowing
new gaggle of in-laws.

That kind of thing.

You mean, like, maid of honor stuff?

If you want to promote
yourself to that, fine.

Diana, I would love
to be your maid of honor.

You get one hug a year.

- And this is it.
- Ah!


- Okay.
- Okay, yay!

♪ ♪


♪ ♪


- Are you baking?
- Oh, I made your favorite.

Pecan pie and pinot noir. Sit.

Remember in "A Star Is Born"

when Jackson makes that steak
for his dog?

This is giving me that kind of vibe.

Charles asked me to move in with him.

Oh, wow! Is that guilt pie?

- And wine.
- Liza, you can unclench.

- I'm happy for you.
- I know it's fast,

but it feels right.

It's a milestone.
I've never lived with anyone.

You're my longest relationship.
Well, you were.

You and I are not breaking up.

- I'm just going uptown.
- Well, anything that requires

the 6 train is officially
long distance.

I am going to miss you.
Our wine nights,

binging "The Great British Bake-Off,"

paint fumes lulling me to sleep.

Oh, God, I am going to send you off

with a cheap thrills to-go kit.
Don't you worry.

- Oh!

You go call Charles and say yes.

I know you want to. All right?


♪ ♪


♪ Black lipstick, high drama ♪

- How is Kelsey doing...
- So Nicole's getting...

- as publisher?
- Really good at violin.

- Sorry.
- No...

- Kelsey is killing it.
- Oh!

It's new terrain, but we're
trekking through it together.

I always admired your partnership,

and not only because
it benefitted my book.

So how is life as a full-time author?

Honestly, I've been blocked
on my sequel.

That surprises me.
I felt like the last time

we saw each other, the words
were just flowing out of you,

like a river or a tsunami.

Yeah, I was really hurt,
and I was being vindictive.

But the truth is, I should
have stayed at Millennial.

I should have stayed with you, Liza.

I mean, you were a dream editor.

You always knew how to get
the best pages out of me.

In fact, maybe now that
we're burying the hatchet...

You want my help.

Oh, if you could just read
one or two chapters.

Liza, you understood me
in a way my new editors don't.

- I need you.
- Okay.

- I'll take a look.
- Oh, thank you!

But I actually need a favor in return.

- Okay.
- Millennial is invited

to PW's Debutante Ball tonight.

Oh, that soiree for first-time authors.

I know that it's totally last minute,

but would you be our deb?

Are you kidding? I'd be delighted.

- And I dance a mean waltz.

Do you need to borrow a dress?


♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm extra ♪
- Hey, Liza.

I just wanted to share some news.

So a friend of mine
from "The New Yorker"

is coming tonight,
so we are going to be

the talk of the town, literally.

Okay, I'll see you tonight. Can't wait.

I think it's wonderful
that you're so friendly

with your ex's girlfriend.

Oh, well, what are you going to do?

In my circles,
men are always running off

with their 20-something assistants.

That woman isn't 20-anything.

- I don't know what you mean.
- Well, I scanned her license

when she registered as a guardian.

- Sorry, I'm confused.
- Well, I'm not supposed to

share this sort of information, but...


♪ ♪

Excuse me.


I think this is
so ridiculous, isn't it?

Yes, supes redic.

It's like prom for grown adults.

- So obviously, I am here for it.
- Yeah, I wouldn't know.

I skipped my prom to go to
a Danity Kane meet and greet.

- Kelsey.
- I'm not proud.

Uh, yeah, I lost my virginity
at prom, actually.

Well, most of it.


What about you? Prom king?

- How'd you know?
- Oh, yeah, that tracks.

- Refill, please.
- Yes, my queen.

- Prom king!
- ♪ There goes my heart ♪

- Cheers.
- Liza Miller?

We're lining up all the debutantes

and escorts backstage.
Would you please follow me?

Of course. Save me a dance.


Hi. Can I talk to you?

- Is everything okay?

There's no easy way to say this,

but Liza is 42.

Did you hear me? I said that the woman

you're with has been
lying to you and me

and everyone this whole time.

This isn't how
I wanted you to find out.

What? You knew?


I trusted her with our girls.

Mrs. Brooks, there you are.
We need you backstage ASAP.

- You're up next.
- I...

Oh, you look beautiful.
I love the sash.

Introducing Pauline Turner Brooks,

author of the best-selling
novel, "Marriage Vacation."

Arm in arm, please.

Pauline's escort tonight
is Liza Miller,

editor at Millennial Print.

Pauline and Liza's partnership
is a special one.

She's the only debutante who's
mentor is the younger one.

What an incredible story.

Um, hello, everyone.

I was so looking forward
to being here tonight

with my editor, Liza Miller,

who I put my absolute faith
and trust in

as I was writing my first book.

Some of you know
I've been working on a sequel,

and I have to admit, it's been hard

avoiding the sophomore slump.

Just found myself writing
the most clichéd story.

The heroine, the long-suffering wife,

returns from a writing
sabbatical only to find

that she's lost her husband
to a young assistant.

I don't think it's any secret
that my writing

is somewhat autobiographical.

So imagine how stunned
I was to learn that the truth

is much more dramatic than anything

I ever could have written.

Because the truth is,
the young assistant...


This assistant...

♪ ♪

Is not the 20-something
she claims to be.

Liza Miller is 42 years old...

And she has been lying shamelessly

about who she is for years.


God, this woman is deranged.

Forgive me, Charles,
but I cannot just stand by

and let her slander us like this.

- Diana, don't...
- Pauline, you are the only

- shameless liar here.
- Diana, wait...

You are a sad and petty person,

simply jealous of the person

that you ex-husband fell in love with.

How dare you? How dare you besmirch

this young, innocent woman's name?

Have you no decency?

We are officially withdrawing
you as our debutante.

- Sash, please.
- Diana, it's true.

It's all true.


♪ ♪

- Diana, wait...
- You stay the hell

away from me.

- Diana!
- Hey, don't push it.

- Oh, my God, Diana!
- Call 911.


Hey, I got here as quick as I could.

What's going on? Is she all right?

The doctor said it was a panic attack.


Okay, how's she doing?

We don't know.
She won't let us see her.



Hey, are you okay? What happened?

Oh, I'm... I'm fine.

I just lost trust
in humanity as a whole.

But other than that, I'm fine.
The Ativan is helping.

Liza has been lying about her age,

and everyone knew except me.

Really? Well, how old is she?

- She's 42.
- Huh.

She looks good.

I... I just mean, she
had me fooled, too.

Everybody knew, Enzo. Except me.


I'm the laughingstock.
I'm the village idiot.

I mean, how could I not see it?

It's like that old saying, you know?

If you smell a fish,
and you look around the room

and you don't see a fish,
you're the fish.

Look, Liza's outside.
Why don't you talk to her?

No. No, I can't.

Just you.

Fine, I will talk to your lawyer.


Lawyer? What's that all about?

Pauline's furious.

She wants to revisit
our custody agreement.


Well, now is not the time
for me to move in.

- That'll only make things worse.
- Liza, I am so sorry.

- What are you apologizing for?
- She is my responsibility.

Pauline is the mother of my children.

I should have been honest with
her about it from the start.

- You were just protecting me.

You guys should head home.
She doesn't want to see anyone.


♪ ♪



- Josh.
- Did you...

did you just get back from Bergdorfs?

Hey, how's the weather up there?

- Is it different?
- What are you talking about?

Rumor has it that you

are officially
an Upper East Side lady now.

I'm not. I'm staying put.

I'm staying exactly where I am.

Hey. Liza, are you okay?

I made a mess of everything,

and this time, there's no going back.

I really... I just...
I don't know what to do.

Well, do you want to talk about it?

- How much time you got?
- However long you need.


"The real stories that Millennial print

"aren't in their youth-buzzy books,

but behind the scenes." Nice.

There are so many ways
we could have avoided this.

- So many!
- This is a PR nightmare.

You know, this explains everything.

I mean, she doesn't have Snapchat,

she thought Four Loko was a rapper.

I saw her taking extra Splenda packets

from the diner and I thought
she was just being quirky.

Listen, we need to do
major damage control.

- Yes.
- It's like we're cursed.

- My scalp's itching me.
- No, Kelsey, no.

The good news is that Quinn
already knows about Liza's age.

Oh, the silver lining's around here

just keep getting thinner.

Quinn knows.
Oh, what about the interns?

Did they know before me, too?

- He hates me.
- I'll talk to him.

Good morning, Ms. Miller.

- Lauren.
- My parents raised me

to respect my elders.

Look, I know I have
a lot of apologizing

to do around here, but there's
somewhere I need to start.

Have either of you seen Diana?

Oh, yes, Diva's been in since 6:00 AM.



Did you get fresh Botox, or...

Bye bye.

♪ ♪


Come in.

Hello, Liza, if that's
even your real name.

Lauren said you came in early.

Yes, I've been drafting
your termination latter.

Of course. Diana, if you'll just

- let me explain.
- What a charade this has been.

Hm? First Charles, now this.

I can't seem to keep up with
all the lies that you've told.

You must have had a good time
at my expense.

No, it wasn't like that at all.

What was it like, Liza?

It was really hard lying to
someone I care about so much.

Diana, I owe so much to you.

You were the only person
who wanted to hire me.

Well, I wouldn't have if I'd known.

Exactly. That's why I had to lie.

I saw this opportunity to work for you,

the biggest opportunity
that I have ever had,

and I had to take my shot.

And my life opened up when I did.

You can't win the game
without playing the game.

- You taught me that.
- But for what, Liza?

I mean, I have been searching
my mind for hours,

and for the life of me,
I cannot come up

with one good answer to the question,

"What self-respecting adult
would go to those lengths

for this job?"

To get me coffee and chopped salad?

To hand-stitch my pants?
To clean out my bird cage?

To bring my urine sample to the doctor.

To... to... to hold my hand when I
was alone on the red carpet?

To convince me to fight for
Enzo when I chased him away.

Who would do that?

I mean, it couldn't have been
just for the money.

Of course not.

I did all those things for you.

Well, maybe you did what you had to do.

And I can respect that.

You're lucky you hitched
your wagon to a star.

But if we are going to forge forward,

honesty is the best policy.
Is that clear?

- I couldn't agree more.
- And one more thing.

You are no longer my maid of honor.

- I understand.
- You're my old maid of honor.


- That's very funny, Diane.
- That's not a joke.

- Liza?
- Yes.

I just want to say...

I... I need the numbers
for the new releases.


I know that I can find it myself,

but I would prefer you to do it.

I love you, too.

♪ ♪