Younger (2015–…): Season 5, Episode 11 - Fraudlein - full transcript

Ah, good morning, Kelsey.

- Good morning, Liza.
- Morning.

- Good morning, Charles.
- Nice weather we're having.

Did you enjoy
your walk to work?

I did.

I mean, I took a train.

But the walking part was,
uh, really nice.

Sunny, but cold.
I had a hat.

Uh, okay, then.
See you in there.

- Okay.
- Oh, my God.

Ever since you two
pressed "pause,"



you're so damn polite
to each other.

It's like...
watching two butlers in love.

The Frankfurt Book Fair
is next week,

and this year I've decided
on a show of strength.

So Kelsey, Zane,
Diana,

and Liza,
get your passports in order.

Surely you
don't need me to go.

I'll stay here
and hold down the fort.

Liza can help me.

Nope.
This is a full court press.

After the hit we took
with the L.L. Moore scandal,

we have to be
more visible than ever.

So Millennial, you got plenty
to brag about this year.

But... Zane, this is a chance
for Empirical to close the gap,



so work your contacts,
set up some meetings.

A little, uh,
in-house competition

is good for everyone.

Why do I suddenly feel
like I'm in the minors?

"Millennial, you're great.
Empirical, don't give up hope."

- I'm sure he didn't mean it...
- Save it.

Wow, so I'm going to Frankfurt.

It's kind of exciting, right?
Don't get too excited.

They found the most charmless
city in Europe to host it.

It's like Buffalo,
with dumplings.

Lovely language, German.

Like a thousand cats coughing.

So much for keeping
your distance from Charles.

*YOUNGER*
Season 05 Episode 11

*YOUNGER*
Episode Title: "Fraudlein"

Synchronized by srjanapala

Really guarding that thing
with your life, huh?

Oh, yeah. I got a money belt
too for my traveler's checks.

- Ooh, they still make those?
- They make me feel jet-setty.

You got your hat
box and your steamer trunk too?

Diana.

Meine Babypuppe.
Aw.

Are we ready to rock this town?

Cheryl Sussman,
my liebchen.

My BFFF.
Best Frankfurt Friend Forever.

Drinks later
in the beer garden?

Oh, I have had such a day.

My pod in first class
wouldn't... pod,

so I think I'm just gonna
lay low tonight.

Nonsense, wingwoman.

We're gonna party
like it's 1999.

Remember 1999?

You tried to take your
pantyhose off over your head

at the Simon and Schuster
party.

We were a lot younger.

Oh, come on,
it's not how old you are,

it's how old you feel.

Or how old you say you are.

Hello, ladies.
Cheryl Sussman.

Plaza Publishing.

Yeah, we've met.

Oh, uh, you remember
my assistant, Liza?

Of course I remember.
I remember everything.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Frankfurt, baby.

Forgot you'd met
Cheryl Sussman.

Uh, yeah, from my old life,
back at Random House.

Oh, my God.
She knows?

She plays dirty, Liza.
I know.

Don't worry about it.
It's handled.

Handled?
What's been handled?

Never mind.
I don't wanna know.

Yes.

I just...
I can't believe I'm here.

Besides Ireland last year...

I mean, I've only been
to Europe once,

and that was 20 years ago
for my honey...

Suckle.
Honeysuckle birthday.

You know, the thing where
every, uh, birthday

is a flo... a flower?

Y... you...
Seven is honeysuckle.

Eight is Daisy.

Ten is Tiger lily.

Yeah, I've hear of that.

- It's a New Jersey thing, right?
- Yep.

Can we try to be
more cosmopolitan?

We're in Frankfurt,
not Trenton.

More weiner, frauleins?

We're gut.

Wow.
Light on leder, heavy on hosen.

What's camel toe for a man?

Oh, eh...
Elchknochel.

- Elchknochel.
- Moose knuckle.

Moose knuckle.

- Elchknochel.
- Elchknochel.

Um, you know wha...
Uh, excuse me.

I'm gonna use the little
fraulein's room.

Schnapps?

Already on my second.

Something wrong?

I wouldn't want anybody in
the company to know about this,

but our trip here,
it's a Hail Mary pass.

Wait, did Quinn Tyler
say no to investing?

Uh... she seems so happy with
the editing we're doing.

- I was hoping that...
- No-no word yet.

But I... I can't put
all my eggs in one basket,

so... I booked
back-to-back meetings

with international investors,
and three just cancelled.

And I have four more tomorrow,
but...

I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.

Been a tough year.

You're the one bright spot.

Except that you're two feet
away from me, and I can't...

I know.

And it's... it's worse over here.

Am I crazy? But I think
that Frankfurt's romantic.

Paris should look out.

I would love
to take you there.

Right now.

Go to the train station,
book a sleeper car,

and wake up
in a different world.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

You're the only person
I wanna talk to.

But the more we talk,
the more I wanna hold you

or kiss you,
and if we do that,

then... you'll be going back
on your decision.

And you'll hate me.

I could never hate you,
Charles.

This is temporary.

You'll get the company
back on its feet.

I know you will.

And I hope so.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

You don't need it.

I do.

We have three months of
operating expenses left.

If we don't get an investor,

Empirical, Millennial,

everything that we have
all worked for

will just...

disappear.

♪ 'Cause you've
got that something ♪

♪ 'Cause you've got
that something ♪

Hello, fraud-lein.

Did you hear the D?
'Cause I put it in there.

"Fraud-lein"?

Great.

I've just heard
from Karl Teuscher.

It's ours, the title.

- What's ours?
- Oh, my God.

Okay, every year a book makes
such a splash in Frankfurt,

that they call it
the Book of the Fair.

This year there are two.
Both of them ours.

"Marriage Vacation,"
and "Capital Letters."

- It has never happened before.
- Oh, my gosh!

Oh, stretching.
That's... that's better.

Yeah, no, I set up
an impromptu press panel.

You know, I thought it'd be
nice to have sort of a...

A sales... oh, my God.
Oh, wow. Word must be out.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, uh, Diana,
can you get me a pen?

- What?
- I need a pen. Can you just...

Go on.

Um, can you, uh, just
excuse me while I go get myself a pen?

I'll get you a pen, Liza.

Just remember
this moment well.

I certainly will.

Hey, Trout.

So Millennial's
the talk of the Fair.

What do those young girls have
that we old gals don't?

Oh, I don't know.
Of course, I have been

grooming Kelsey for years,
but it wasn't till I loaned her

my assistant that things
really took off.

- Oh.
- You can't work for me

for long
without absorbing

- some wisdom.
- Right.

- That Lisa girl.
- Liza. Yes.

- Mm.
- I mentored her pretty hard.

God love her.
She's so green.

She's basically doing it for
the assistant salary I pay her.

Interesting.
What are those?

- Oh, just the souvenirs.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, please.

It's not what we remember
of Frankfurt, DiDi.

It's what Frankfurt
remembers of us.

And it remembers 1999.

Standing ovation,
I seem to recall.

I am afraid
those days are over.

I've spoken
to the band leader.

She's game if we are.

- You cannot be serious.
- Oh, I'm dead serious.

I'll see you tonight.

Unless you're,
like your company,

past your prime.

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ I like it ♪

- Josh.
- Hey.

Marlowe and Daughters
had crown roast.

So you're coming over,
and bring Lauren.

- All right.
- I wanna make up

for the last one
that I ruined.

So it's just the four of us,
and it'll be fun, I promise.

No drama.
We have meet, wine, and weed.

Okay.
The Maggie Amato Trifecta.

- I am in.
- Yes, all right.

- See you later.
- Bye.

Well, what's next?

Uh, the paperback release of
"Marriage Vacation," of course.

And a new nonfiction book that
we are just editing now,

by world-renowned
finance expert Quinn Tyler.

A provocative examination

of women helping women
in business.

Next question?

Yeah, you keep
mentioning young people,

but tell me,
how old is this tall one?

Um, old enough to know
an appropriate question

when I hear it,
and that wasn't it.

Next.
Uh, follow up.

Maybe it's the light.
If you move a little...

No, it doesn't help.

So does the young one
do the young books

and you do the old ones?

Believe me,
we are both millennials.

- Yeah.
- Next question.

From somebody else.
You look young, though.

So you should tell her
your face cream.

That is women helping women.
And you do what she tells you.

Push up, always up.

Oh, we're out of time.
Thank you very much.

Uh, thank you.
No, we're good.

Gosh, Kelsey, I am so sorry.
I...

I know I look tired.
It's the jetlag and...

It's fine,
don't worry about it.

It's part of the deal.

I just... I hate that you
have to keep covering for me.

I don't wanna
talk about it anymore.

You know what I wanna do?
I wanna go get drunk.

You in?

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Ooh!
I am gonna get us drinks.

Okay.
Wow.

- Hello, youngster.
- Mm.

Did they card you
at the door?

Cheryl, I'm not
here to get blackmailed.

Look, what I wanna say is,
congratulations.

You're a hit.

Empirical's on the ropes,
but you guys, wow.

Thank you,
but Empirical's gonna be...

So I wanna offer you a job.

I'm pretty sure you're not
making what you deserve,

and I can fix that,
so come to Plaza.

- You're joking.
- No.

You're killing it for a company
that's going underwater,

and I'm throwing you
a life preserver.

And the great part is
I know your age.

So you wouldn't have
to lie anymore.

Or put your employer
or your colleagues at risk.

You can't keep this
a secret much longer.

And if I say no,
you'll expose me?

No. Look, Liza,
you're a mother, I'm a mother.

I swear on my children's lives.

Well, the younger one.

Look, your secret's safe
with me, I promise.

And when it explodes,

your friends will be
under the rubble.

Anyway, there's no pressure,
just, you know, think about it.

Guten Abend.

- You look happy.
- Hmm.

- How'd your meetings go?
- Excellent.

I think that Media-Italia is
interested in investing in us.

Very interested.
How was your day?

Great. Except our press panel
got a little off track.

- What happened?
- Um...

Had to pull this one
away from the bar.

- Whoa! Oh, ho, ho, hoh.
- Easy.

- How about something to eat?
- I am celebrating, okay?

I'm the hit of the Buchmesse.

Yeah, if you don't slow down,
you're gonna be the mess

of the Buchmesse.

Oh,
mess of the Buchmesse.

Und now,
ladies und gentlemen,

back by popular demand,
the Kit Kat Klub

is happy to introduce to you,
fresh from New York,

those singing sensations,
Fraulein ChiChi Sussman,

and Fraulein DiDi Trout.

What?

Oh!

♪ Welcome ♪

Huh.

♪♪

♪ Stranger ♪

- Ooh.
- Yeah!

♪♪

Wow.

♪ Happy to see you ♪

♪♪

- ♪ Stay ♪
- Whoo!

Yes.

♪ Welcome ♪

♪ Im cabaret, au cabaret,
to cabaret ♪

♪♪

Ladies...
and gentlemen.

♪♪

Good evening.

♪♪

- Do you feel good?
- I feel good, Cheryl, I do.

♪♪

- ♪ We are your hosts ♪
- ♪ We are your hosts ♪

♪♪

♪ Welcome ♪

♪ Im cabaret, au cabaret,
to cabaret ♪

Whoo! Whoo.

Whoo!

- Ah...
- Oh...

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

Oh, we still got it, DiDi.
Am I thirsty?

- Liza, shots, please.
- Doubles.

You got it, boss.

Hey, you wanna see
a magic trick?

- What?
- I'm gonna drink this

and turn into
a different person.

Watch this.

♪ ♪

Mmm.

Okay.
Okay, okay.

That is a Frankfurt Freebie.

And there's more
where that came from,

- if you're interested.
- Aha.

'Cause I came
♪♪♪ to furt to frank.

No, that's not right.

I came to Frank ♪♪♪
to furt.

No.

I, uh, think I ought to
get back to the hotel.

- Yep.
- You do that.

- Goodnight, Charles. - Good night.
- Will see you.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Now that the boss is
gone we can really drink.

- Oh.
- Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

- That was you holding back?
- All right, ladies.

- Where's Charles?
- He left.

Hey, there,
Scheisse Minnelli,

- you wanna go on a pub crawl?
- Ha! Hell, yeah.

I think I found a way out
for you and me.

For all of us.
Can I come in?

I can't promise
I won't try to kiss you.

Me first.

Okay, so I wanted
to get an erotic cake

from the kosher bakery on
Driggs with four breasts,

you know, in honor
of your new love,

- but it's a Build-A-Bear now.
- I know.

I can top that.
Okay, this hipster family

comes into the shop last night,
and they wanna tattoo,

get ready,
their seven-year-old son.

- Stop.
- No. - I swear.

Oh, my God.

- Unbelievable.
- You know,

I haven't lived here
for 20 years

to start dodging stroller
traffic on the sidewalk.

I mean, junkies, yes.
But strollers, no.

And you know, it's not just
the straight hipsters.

I mean, now,
it's lesbian couples now

- that wanna have kids.
- Oh, I know.

I'm so misguided.
I mean, so many of those kids

are gonna turn out straight.

It's like mice
having a litter of kittens.

You know, sure, they're gonna
be cute

for the first couple
of years, but then, you know,

they're gonna turn.
They are gonna turn.

But I... but you must know,
you must know,

straight people
are not the enemy.

- Thank you. Right back at ya.
- Right? Right?

And second of all, I was hoping
to be one of those clichés.

I tried really hard for a year,
but, ugh, it's expensive.

So I had to just give it up.

- Wait, you wanna have a baby?
- Yeah.

You don't think
I'd be a good mom?

- No, you'd be amazing.
- Thank you.

Come on, just have
a C-section.

You know, you don't wanna
stretch out your good sweater.

Oh, my God.

You know what?
Seriously, Maggie,

you can relax, because, I mean,

forget the fertility
treatments,

I can't even afford
a sperm donor.

- Unless Josh wants to pitch in.
- Oh. Hey, now.

Friends and family discount.
Really?

- Mm-hmm.
- Yes.

He would be amazing.
Those shoulders.

Oy, that face.
Yes, come on.

It'll look good
on a boy or a girl.

You guys, we should do it
lesbian old school.

I'm talking sporty mullets,
turkey basters,

Dinah Shore Weekend.

Wait, wait, wait.
What is your family history?

- Mm?
- And also,

have you had work done?
Because I really worry

about noses, and this one,
it's been touched.

- No, it's mine. It's mine.
- Are you sure? You promise?

Ho... ho... hold on, hold on.

First you spring in
the baby thing on me,

and now you're asking
my friend for sperm?

Well, do you know
how much sperm costs?

It's a lot.

So I have to follow up
on any option.

So, wait a second,
even if you could afford

to do it,
you still want a baby?

Yeah.

When were you planning
on telling me this?

I don't know, when we were
on solid ground again.

I thought we were.

I guess I was just really
worried

about how you
were gonna react.

Oh.
I'm blindsided.

Well, I'm disappointed.

♪ Doo do do do do
Doo do do, yeah ♪

You at Plaza?

That's a lot
to wrap my head around.

It's not just
about you and me, Charles.

It's what my lie
is doing to Kelsey.

If I'm gone,
she can breathe easy.

But Millennial
is our biggest asset.

Is it gonna be
as strong without you?

Kelsey's the star.
You saw something in her

a year before I got here,
and she delivered.

It's her imprint.

I'm not so sure.

Plus, not being together
during working hours

allows us to be together
after hours.

And we're pretty good
after hours.

Only one problem.

You have a contract with us.

What can I do
to get you release me?

Um...

Spend the night?

If I do,

we both agree
I'm working for Plaza.

Consider yourself fired.

Two vodka sodas, please.
Thanks so much.

- It's on me.
- Oh, thank you.

Say, you look very nice.

Oh.

- Ah.
- Um...

Hey, keep your hands off her.

- It's okay, it's okay.
- See? Leave us alone, man.

Ah!

What's happening?

All right,
let's get out of here.

Whoa-ho.
This floor wobbles.

- Uh-huh.
- They should fix that.

Hey.
Well, here we are.

- Where's your key?
- Uh, it's in my coat.

Where's my coat?

♪ Are they for real? ♪

Ooh, Liza.

Liza, I need an answer about
that job offer right away,

as soon as possible.

Is now soon enough?

Mm-hmm.

Because the answer is yes.

Hey.

Sleep well.

Phew.
Smart girl.

Did you forget your...?

Sorry.
Wrong room.

Ah, goodnight.

Mm.

No, no, no, no.

Why am I in your room?

You lost your coat and your
key, so I brought you here.

Oh, my God.
Okay, and what did we do?

We did nothing.
You passed out.

And I... how do I put this?

Had to light a lot of matches.

Oh, my God.
Okay, but...

You... you just tucked me in,
right?

Mm-hmm, yep.
"Ucked" with a T, not an F.

I slept on the couch.
Well, what a gentleman.

Who would've thought?

I feel like I should buy you
breakfast or something.

Not this morning.
While you and Liza were busy

patting yourselves
on the back yesterday,

Gerhardt Schmidt
finally answered my email.

Yep, new agent
with an unsigned author

who's just written book one of
a series

about the Sicilian Mafia.
Could be the next "Godfather."

Wow. Well, you are due
for a comeback.

Uh-huh.
And once I sign him,

I'll have my pick
of breakfast offers.

Pick of everything.

Mm, like you could
do better than me.

Well, for one thing,

whoever she is,
she won't snore.

Aw.

Gerhardt?
Zane Anders.

So glad to finally...

meet you.

Yeah.
Sorry about that.

I love Frankfurt.
You realize we sold books

in every single territory.

It's gonna be
such a good year for us.

Yeah.

You know what?
I gotta tell you,

I think Zane,
I might've misjudged him.

You weren't there last night,
but after you left,

there was this guy...

Hey, what is going on with you?

Do you sometimes
hate me a little?

What? Why?
Wh... what are you talking about?

I've seen you this weekend,
lying to cover up my lie.

And you smile
and don't complain,

but, , you
gotta hate me a little for it.

It's okay, I...

It's only okay
because we've managed

to dodge the bullet so far.

But one day we're not
gonna be able to,

and it's all gonna blow up, and
Millennial will never recover.

And you'll hate me then.

- No.
- Kelsey.

No, it's not...
It's not gonna happen.

I got a job offer.

Cheryl Sussman
at Plaza Publishing,

and I'm gonna take it.

- No.
- Kelsey.

I can never repay you

for what you have done for me,

but that day
when you hate me,

I have gotta get out of here
before that happens.

While the party's
still happening,

and... and we're on a high,
and...

It had to happen, Kels.

We've come to
the end of this road.

It was a beautiful,
beautiful road.

And I had so much fun, and
I loved every minute of it.

No. There has to be
another way, okay?

We need to just stop and
take a second and breathe,

- and think, and...
- It's okay. Kelsey, it's okay.

We both know it.

It's time for me to go.

♪ I love you ♪

♪ Hey, sister, I'm gonna be
standing with you ♪

♪ Yeah, with you ♪

♪ Yeah,
With you ♪