Younger (2015–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Episode #4.7 - full transcript

Come in.

About what you said earlier,

the whole dating a 40-something guy

in publishing.

- I...
- I'm sorry.

Can you...


Please stop apologizing, Liza.

You didn't embarrass yourself.

I did.

No, you didn't. It's...

Okay, you did.

- But...
- What do we do now?





Ooh, rough night?

Rough sex.

Best I've had in...

Yeah, best I've had.

It was just a dream.

With that J guy?

Ooh, Josh?

Uh, Charles.

Oh, let me guess. You two were reading.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Doing crosswording.

No, it's just my subconscious
working overtime

after Charles put his
feelings out there yesterday,

which I'm still freaking out about.

Oh, God, you two and all your feelings.

Just do it.

"It," as in go have sex with Charles?

Yeah, what's the big deal?

It's an office flirtation.

Just get it over with.

Consummate and deflate.

Oh, that's your advice? Bang your boss?

It can't all be gold.

Well, that can't happen
for so many reasons.

No, I have to ignore my dream

and march into his office

and just shut this
workplace romance down.

Repression... healthy
way to start your day.

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You know that holds more liquid

than the average human stomach, right?

- Kelsey?
- Hmm?

I'm sorry. God.
I'm a little scattered today.

I did not sleep last night.

Yeah, I was tossing and
turning last night too.

I mean, why am I even going to work?

It's a minefield.

Charles blames me for
Zane poaching LL Moore.

He's probably looming
outside my office right now.

Charles doesn't loom.

He's a giant. Liza, he... he looms.

Well, then don't go to the office, then.

Like, skip school?

No, no, I mean just go
straight to PitchFest.

Oh, my God, that's today.

No, no, I cannot go put on a fake smile

and listen to those hopeful amateurs

pitch me their "Gone Girl" rip-offs.

PitchFest is that bad?

It's like auditions for "The Voice,"

only you can't turn your chair away.

Nope, no, I like your first idea better.

Can you please cover for me?

Of course.

Rest up.



He's not coming in.

Oh, uh, did he say why?

Isn't it obvious?

This has never happened,

not even during Hurricane
Sandy when our power went out

and he marched his thoroughbred
thighs up 40 flights.

So brave.

Kelsey's office is empty too.

Did she run away with her boyfriend,
the big game poacher?

She's... working from home today.

Pathetic attempt, Liza.

But after this LL Moore fiasco,

I can't blame her for
making herself scarce.

This upstate vacay will
do wonders for you, dude.

Okay, forget about work.
Forget about Zane.

I can't if you keep reminding me.

But hey, forget your emails.

Dude, this will be a
healing retreat, okay?

Just you and me.

It'll be like an episode of "Girls,"

except... except we like each other.


Was I high,

or did I hear you leave,
like, two hours ago?

I'm taking a mental health day.

Or days. It's almost the weekend.

What are you talking about?
It's Wednesday.

Hey, Hector has loaned us

his house on the Hudson, all right?

There is a medium hot
tub and a hot hot tub.

- Two hot tubs.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.

One's for soaking. One's for stroking.

Hector's words, not mine.

Do you want to join?

Kelsey, no! It's girlscation.

I'm sorry; there are no Adams allowed.

It's fine. Uh...

Guess my friend here won't
be invited either, so...

Well, actually, you know,
it could be kind of handy

having a house boy.

Yes! You're hired.

- Yeah!
- Give it here.


Edwina Dethridge

is just an ordinary
girl from Poughkeepsie

until one day, she discovers

she has an identical twin sister

who is a queen of an
alien race of spiders.

So Edwina is a spider.


You ready?

Now, Lucky is a washed-up
coach in his 50s.

But this is a Millennial story,

because the object of
his desire is young,

like Lolita young, hmm?

A girl sees a murder on a bus,

but she's a crackhead,
so no one believes her.

And her memory's all messed
up 'cause of the crack,

so it's like maybe she didn't see it;

she did it.

So it's like, uh, "Girl on the Train."

Not at all. It happens on a bus.




Hi. Liza, right?

Yes, I'm Pauline. Nice to meet you.

Oh, my God, you must be exhausted.

I have never been around
so much nervous energy,

and I've survived two
Peppa Pig concerts.

So I don't know how this works.

- Do I just...
- Oh, your pitch.

Yes, of course. Just jump right in.

Okay, um, well...

my book is kind of
"Primates of Park Avenue"

meets Nora Ephron's "Heartburn."

- You had me at "Heartburn."
- Oh, good.

Roman ? clef?

Um, sort of, yeah.

Creative Writing 101:
Write what you know.

I got married, had kids,

did the things you're meant to do.

And I also sort of let my
husband steer the ship,

which moored us on the Upper East Side,

and, whoa, was I out of my depth.

Pickups, drop-offs,

hosting and attending charity events.

I had no time to work, even freelance.

So before I knew it,
I just lost sight of who I was

as a writer, as a woman.

Ugh, it's gonna sound
selfish and ungrateful,

but... married life stifled me.

I just needed to escape.

I mean, I was losing it.

I just needed a break.
I needed a little...

Marriage vacation.

Yes, you get it.

You totally get it.

But is it too heavy for Millennial?

I mean, I read about you guys
in "EW"'s "29 under 29,"

so I know you skew a lot younger.

Would it be more of an Empirical book?

You know, actually,
I think it could appeal

to Millennial readers
as a cautionary tale...

you know, understand what marriage is,

go in with eyes open.

Oh, I love that take.

Look, it's just a work in progress.

I don't even have a title yet.

But could I email you some chapters?

Yeah, I... please. Please do.

I would love that.

Thank you. It's so nice to meet you.

Good luck with all these people.

House boy reporting for duty.

This place is a dump.

Oh, it's the pits.

- There you go.
- Yes.

Are you still working?

Don't tell Lauren.

Oh, you creepin', Kels?

- What?
- Yeah.

God, vain much?

Surprise shaman!

So I recently graduated

from my online shamanic studies course.

Best 40 bucks ever spent, by the way.

And then I went on Darknet,

and I ordered everything
needed to brew ayahuasca.

- What?
- Yes!

Now we can finally access
the parts of our brains

that we're born with and we die with.

Okay, wait, my buddy
Sky went and did this

in Joshua Tree, and he came back

with one blue eye, one brown.

They used to be green.


- Josh? Josh!
- No!

That shit is sacred, okay?

Not to be messed with.

You either do it in Peru
or you don't do it at all.

You're fired!

Liza. Hey.

Oh, my God, thanks for covering for me.

I'm sure it's a total shitshow.

It is, but I did hear
one amazing pitch...

mature, sophisticated.

I think it could really
expand the Millennial brand.

I already have the first
couple of chapters.

You want to read?

I will, but I'm kind of
disconnecting upstate.

Oh, okay. By yourself?

- No, Lauren's here.
- Hi!

Hey. Good, I'm glad you're not alone.

All right, I'll just...
I'll leave you to it.

Okay, I'll see you in the city.

Uh, why didn't you say Josh was with us?



no reason.

Oh, my God.

- We should just stay here.
- Yup.

I'll get a bar job,

commit to my passion for day drinking.

Ooh, yes, and I'll run the
ghost tours in Sleepy Hollow.

Josh could open a tattoo shop.

Dude, I knew it.

You knew what?

Wait, clearly, it was my
shamanic energy, okay?

I have been shipping you two
since you moved in together.

I have been offering
you up to the universe

as a pair bond, and she has heard me.


Speak English, please.

You're in love with Josh.

Wha... no?

Ah, okay, okay. So wait.

He's in love with you,
and you're just what?

You're just serving him
up some pity clitty.

Yeah, that's sad, Kelsey, but,
you know, I've been there.

No, Josh and I are friends. That's all.

No, no, that is exactly how
these things always start, dude.

Have you seen a single
Cameron Diaz movie?

Listen, I know this is hard
for you to understand,

but not everyone wants
to screw the crew.

No, it's gonna
happen, dude, okay?

The universe wills it so.



You guys got to come
inside and see this.

I know I'm super stoned right now,

but this is crazy.

It's crazy!

Let's go.

Are you ready for this?

- They're everywhere.
- What?

- Dicks.
- Oh, my God!

The doorknob's a knob.

You guys, I knew Hector was
a huge Keith Haring fan,

but this is next-level willy worship.

Oh, my God.

It's a members only club.

Oh, my God, it's a penis palace!

Yo! There's a bone throne in there.

- A what?
- A bone throne.

Oh, my God, that looks painful.

Lauren, get down now.





Come in.



Never did get around

to eating that cupcake yesterday.

Yeah, it's probably hard by now.

I... I mean stale. Dry.

- I don't know what I'm saying.
- You okay?

Uh, you seem a little jumpy.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.


I have to tell you something.

Don't talk.

All we do is talk.

What's that?

The janitor?

Shit, the janitor!

Oh, my God.

Hey, George.

Oh, sorry. I didn't know
anyone was still here.

Uh, yeah, just... just finishing up.

Oh, yeah, we were...

I was just telling Charles

about this, um, incredible book

that I got pitched.

It's first-rate.

Yeah, that... that fell.

It's all set.

Bye-bye. Thank you.

Good night, George.

Oh, my God.

Pauline Turner?

What is this?

Oh, um, it's great, actually.

This is by a first-time novelist

about a wife who gives up
her career to be a mom

and then feels suffocated
by her own life,

so she kind of takes a
vacation from her family.

I met her at PitchFest.

What did she look like?

Uh, well, um... why?

Uh, did she look like this?

How do you have a picture with Pauline?

Because I was married to her.

Charles, I am so sorry. I... she...


I just... I didn't know
that she was your...

She didn't say anything about you.

I have to get home.

I have to... I have to
read this carefully,

call my lawyer.

Uh... good night.





What's going on? You can't sleep?

- Mm-mm.
- Me either.

It's too quiet out here.

I miss the sound of
ambulances and jackhammers.

You know?


It was all I could find.

Okay, I'm just gonna drink
right from the bottle,

if that's okay with you.

So it turns out

that running away from your problems

is as dumb as it sounds.


- What's going on?
- I love my job.

And I could lose it.

You're not gonna lose it.
You're a boss, Kels.

And I'm scared to trust people.

Like, I let Zane in, trusted him,

got burned again.

I get that.

I mean, I trusted Liza, Montana.

It's starting to feel like

everyone's just out for themselves.

Well, everyone has an agenda.

- I don't.
- Neither do I.

Okay, well, maybe I
have a little agenda,

but I'm not an asshole about it.


You are gonna bounce back
just fine, all right?

You're one of the strongest
people I know, so...

I'm glad you're here.

Yeah, me too.

We can't.

I know. I'm sorry.

That was a crazy idea.

No, it's not crazy.

It's just not right.


Good night, Josh.

Charles, is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm... I'm sorry, Liza,

for that... for that very abrupt exit.

But I read... I read Pauline's chapters.

Must be awful

to have your life
mischaracterized in that way.

Well, actually,
some of it's pretty honest.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

She makes some parallels to... to me

and... and to our marriage, and...

But I am just trying to
figure out what to do next.

Maybe you should call her.

You know, I think I'd rather wait

until I've read the whole book,
if it's out there.

But look, I will take care of this,

and I am... I'm very sorry

that you got pulled into this, Liza.

And by the way,

I don't regret

what happened tonight at all,

just the way it got interrupted.

Good night.

Good night.

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