Younger (2015–…): Season 4, Episode 6 - A Close Shave - full transcript

The success of Liza and Kelsey's latest title spurns a Twitter feud, ending in disaster. Maggie meets a woman with a little something extra.

♪ They say the party won't be on ♪

♪ Until I get up in the place ♪

I can't believe this turnout.

We have a hit on our hands.

I predicted this.
I told you I had a special dog.

You had a special editor.

Liza rewrote every page of this book.

Gave it a point of view. Wit. Irony.

I know. I know.

We did our job too well.

This was supposed to die a quiet death

I know.

Hey, Amazon just sold out of stock.

- What?
- Oh, and Zane just tweeted.

- Ouch. I thought he liked you.
- No, he does.

He's flirt-fighting. My move.
I gotta bite back hard.

Uh, why is Pearl's lipstick out?

Wait, why does Pearl
even have a lipstick? Emily?

This is Pearl II. Gary.

Pearl's son. And lover too,
but that's dogs.

He just peed off his dog merkin again.

Put on the backup.

It's Velcro, but really
get in there and rub hard.

Oh, no, no, no.

You gotta... you gotta do that.

[Liza gasps]


["Running All Night" by Zayde Wolf]

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- -

♪ Oh, everybody thinks ♪

♪ That they're gonna rule the world ♪

♪ I'm just gonna learn how to play it ♪

♪ Give me all you got and I'll turn... ♪


Your Labradoodle book
is starting a trend.

We've been getting submissions
all morning.

Deep thoughts from puppies.
Kittens. Weasels.

I have three horses,
a gecko, and two hamsters here.

I had a hamster once when I was a child.

Sad story. Apparently you can't
blow-dry them on High.

Well, ladies, you've
strapped yourselves to a bomb.

Might as well enjoy the ride.

Still hard to believe
this is a Millennial title.

A novelty book about a dog philosopher.

Kelsey did not want
to publish it. I made her.

That is going to save our company.


How is it gonna save our company?

We're half a million apart
on LL Moore's new contract.

These sales might help bridge the gap.

We are happy to go slightly
off-brand for one book

if it's gonna help Empirical.

Nothing we can't walk back
with our next book.

Walk back? Run towards it!

Apparently young people
want to read about

what their pets are thinking.

So let's scratch that itch.

Okay. Got through almost half
the animal kingdom, so...

Ugh, Richard.
Who says "I love you" in a text?

What am I supposed to say back to that?

"I know. Thank you."

That's an option.

It doesn't cost anything
to be polite, Liza.

Your generation could learn that.

That reminds me: I have to get
Charles a birthday present.

He always says mine are his favorite.

Not out loud, but
there's such a thing as subtext.

Okay, Charles, birthday. Any ideas?

Uh, just one.

Have my assistant do it.

Be in my office at noon,
and I want choices.

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ ♪

I thought we were going to dinner.

This is me post-Max, okay?

I'm single again and oozing sex.

I'm not gonna waste that
on a gay waiter.

I'm back, ladies! Yes! You're welcome!

- [laughs]
- Come on, Maggie.

You need this too, all right?
We'll wing-woman each other.

[phone tweets]

Ugh, Kelsey's got
a Twitter feud going on

with this hot editor from Rivington.

Let's see: "Millennial Scoops Up
Steaming Hot Property."

Oh? Ew.

- Is that...
- Yeah. Yep. That's dog shit.

Uh-huh, not even the emoji.
Okay, the real thing.

[scoffs] Oh, my God.
Twitter feuds are so lame.

Just go straight
to the hate sex, kiddies.

Less thumbing, more fingering.

Girl, someone's looking at you.

I'm sorry, really? Where.

- Over there.
- Is she cute?

Ooh, I can't tell. Okay.
She's coming, she's coming.

Look straight, Maggie. Help me out.

- How do I do that?
- Just look straight.

Are you... are you Maggie Amato?

[laughs] Yeah.

I saw "The New York Times"
article about you last week.

I love your work.

That was crazy,
but thank you, thank you.

Good crazy.

I'm sorry. I'm Donna Malone.

I have a gallery
on Clinton street. Studio 29.

Oh, yeah, I saw
the Tala Madani show there.

Great space, yeah.

I can't believe we've never met.

Maybe I could drop by your studio?

- See your work sometime?
- Any time.

- Great.
- Yeah.

I'm with some friends
and we're about to leave,

but if I give you my card,

would you promise to call me or text me?


Uh, you got a little something
right here.

- Oh, is it... no?
- No, no, no sorry.

Well, you know, it was
really great meeting you.


I'm free tomorrow night, by the way.


Okay. She was very, very into you.

You coulda fried an egg on that cooch.

Did she... did she have a mustache?

I don't know, wasn't on her tits.

Honestly, that's all I was looking at.

[phone tweets] Wow!

These two really hate each other.

I was hoping you were the pizza guy.

[chuckles] Right. Like you eat pizza.

And, yes, I see your abs.
You can breathe out now.

I'm up 250 followers today.

Ha! I'm up 330. I'm winning.

Not really. I'm upping your
stock, not the other way around.

I see what I'm upping.

- Unless that's for the pizza guy.
- ♪ Show me your colors ♪

♪ 'Cause there ain't no other ♪

♪ Gotta do your own thing ♪

I wish I could have been there,

but no one wants a mom on a class trip.

Anyway, you live here.

You can go to The Whitney
any day of the week.

But I'm beat.

I can't wait to
get on that train and sleep.

You do look pale.

Are you done with the antibiotics?

You took the whole bottle, right?

You're totally Mom-ing out on me.

Well, you had your appendix out.

That's a major surgery.

I'm not the walking wounded; you are.

And you're just avoiding the
topic... the breakup, Josh.

- Are you okay?
- Yes.

We're good. I see him around.

Was it the age thing?

- Pretty much.
- Figured.

It's too bad. I liked him.

So did I. But we're friends.

So now you get to be
the older, wiser maternal figure

who listens to his problems
with his new girlfriends.

- That sucks.
- What time is your train again?

Right, um, I should use
the restroom here,

'cause the ones at Grand Central
get too much traffic.

- I hate a warm seat.
- Wait, you actually sit down?

Oh, God, I failed you as a mother.

[laughs] Be right back.

And I know exactly
how much chocolate cake is left.

Liza Miller, right?

Jay... Mallick. We met at Bonfire?

Right. Hi, Jay! From Macmillan. Hi.

You are embarrassed because
you never called me back.

Oh, no, yes, maybe. I don't know.

You know, but I'm happy at Empirical.

I was just having a bad day
that day that we met.

Hey, may I?


[keyboard clacking]

There. [cell phone ringing]

Now I have your cell.

You know, we don't have to
talk about our jobs.

Right, I look forward to that.
Thanks. Bye.

Come on, Mom. Line was too long.

- I'll deal. Did you pay?
- Wait, "Mom"?

That's her name for me, Mom.

Because I'm always mothering her.

Wear your scarf, eat your vegetables.

Oh, how we laugh.


Okay, I guess she's not
going to introduce me.

- I'm the daughter. Caitlin.
- Hi.

And if we don't get a move on, Mom,

- I'm gonna miss my train.
- [laughs awkwardly]

- I am... confused.
- Oh, geez, gosh.

Look at the time.
You know, it was really nice

seeing you again, Jay.

Okay, uh, well, yeah.

Well, you know, we should talk.
I'll call you.

Oh, absolutely, great, yes.

- Okay, nice to see you.
- Great to meet you.

[upbeat music]

Okay, tonight at 7:00.

I'll see you then. Bye.

- Oh, God.
- What happened?

I met this Macmillan editor
at Bonfire who thought I was 27.

Well, he ran into me last night
with Caitlin.

And now he wants to talk.

- She blew your cover?
- It was my own fault.

She called me Liza once when she was 15.

I took away her phone for a week.

Wonder what he wants to talk about.

He'll tell me at dinner.

Well, I would show up
with a baseball bat

if things got dicey, but I'm having

this gallery owner over tonight.

- Is it a date?
- I'm not really sure.

You know, and she's definitely
interested in my work,

but as far as dating goes,
there's one little problem.

What is it?

I think she has a stash.

Of what?

No, no, a mustache.

Everybody's got a little peach fuzz.

This is not a peach; this is a coconut.

- Well, can you look past it?
- How? It's a mustache.

- And she keeps it on her face.
- [laughs] You're crazy.

Besides that, you know,
she's really beautiful.

Well, maybe it was just the lighting.

Yeah. Maybe.

♪ ♪

That's cashmere.

But brown? For Charles?

It's really more Richard's color.

I'll take it back.

No, I'll bank it for Richard's birthday.

Really should find out when that is.

Oh, this is too feminine for Charles.

Richard would like it, though.

He's not afraid of his feminine side.

Which is lucky,
because there's a lot of it.

What do you think of these for Richard?

You mean Charles.

No, I mean Richard.

Maybe you like him more than you think.

And maybe you should tell him.

I mean, that's what
all these gifts are saying.

You're right.

[exhales] It's Richard.


And if it is Richard and not Charles,

then why the hell am I still
trying to get Charles' approval?

Well, he is still your boss.

I have been doing this for years now.

Look at me!

The hair, the outfit, the sparkle.

Yes, it is good for office morale.

- Absolutely.
- But I have been

casting my pearls before swine.

No more! Mm-mm!

I am turning off the charm,
shutting down this power plant.

And this year, he can get
a goddamn cupcake

like everyone else.

♪ ♪

Barnes & Noble sales figures.

This feud has gone national.

William Shatner just retweeted me.

- What?
- Verified!

- Like, the Priceline guy.
- Yeah, and also "Star Trek."

And it made Vulture. Come see this.

"Millennial Editrix Trashes New York's

"Best Dressed Editor on Twitter." Wow.

Zane totally fed them this.

Yeah, but he probably
didn't feed them this part.

It says it all started
because Empirical stole

Lachlan Flynn from him.

Oh, he's not gonna like that, is he?

He is not going to care.

It's not fun if it doesn't
hurt a little.

- Really? Is that a rule?
- [knock at door]

FYI, LL Moore is giving us
some pushback on our offer.

So that Labradoodle money is
really coming at the right time.

[both chuckle]

- Happy to help.
- And I...

- I heard about your Twitter feud.
- Mm-hmm.

And I have to say, I think it's unwise,

swapping insults in public.

So I would shut that down if I were you.

But it's boosting our profile and sales.

I mean, didn't you justhelp yourself

to some of our profits for Empirical?

So I did.

Kels, Charles thinks
this is getting out of hand.

Of course he does. He's old-school.

[computer tweets]

J.K. Rowling retweeted me!

That's crazy.


♪ ♪

You know, I'd love
to see this in the light.

Uh, yeah.

I keep more in storage.
I have smaller ones hair.

I mean, here. Smaller ones here.

Mm, oh, and this! I mean, this is...

Just... mm!

Mm. I mean, that's amazing.

- [chuckles nervously]
- She paints, she cooks.

[chuckles] Mm!

Can we speak honestly?

Oh, thank God.

I love your art.

And I'm going to hang it

no matter how you feel about this.

But I'm also really interested in you.

As a person.

As a woman.

You just get right
to the point, don't you?

Well, you know, I like
to just jump right in there.

I like to ask a girl what she likes,

and you know, if I like it too,
well, then...

- [laughs]
- Okay, okay.

- Yeah.
- I'll go first.

I love romance.

Kissing, cuddling.

Bubble baths. I love bathing together.

Hey. Do you have a bathtub?

- I do.
- Mm, warm water.

Lights out, just like a dozen candles.

How 'bout two?

[both laugh]

Or one.

- All right.
- Yeah.

So yeah, 41. Class of '96.

Well, here's to you.

Don't congratulate me. It was a mistake.

People find out
and then it's... leverage.

- What do you mean?
- I've been pressured before.


Oh, my God. What kind of crowd
are you running with?

Oh, publishing, right, yeah.

All right, well, look,
I won't tell anyone.

- As long as I...
- Nothing. No.

You don't even have to be
nice to me, all right?

You can get up, throw a glass
of wine in my face and leave,

and I will not tell a soul.

I'll eat your entre,
but I will keep your secret.

Hey, look. I'm one of the good guys.

In fact, the only thing bad about me

is that I walk around
saying things like,

"I'm one of the good guys." I'm sorry.

Well, thank you.

I gotta be honest, it's been a strain.

A part of me just wants to tell
everybody and end the suspense.

No, no, no, no, no, don't do that.

Especially don't tell your bosses.

It'll be a scandal.
Look, keep your secret.

And if you ever wanna talk
to somebody who grew up

watching the same TV shows
as you did, call me.

- "Who's the Boss."
- Mm-hmm.

I had a Danza thing. Not entirely gone.

Yeah, "Miami Vice." Every episode.

Wore a pink blazer in junior high.

[both chuckle]


Oh, I, um, I just remembered
who else went to Princeton.

My boss.

Oh, right, yeah. Charles Brooks.

"Upchuck" we used to call him

'cause he couldn't hold his booze.

Seriously? You were in school together?

Yeah, we were in the eating club.

- Charles!
- What are you doing?

This'll be good. Watch.

Can you give me one second?

Hey, buddy.

- Hey, Jay.
- What's up, Upchuck?

- Nice to see you.
- Nice to see you.

- Liza.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Liza and I met at Bonfire.

You know, Millennial is creating

a lot of good buzz for Empirical.

Uh, yeah, yeah,
her team is doing great things.

- Proud of them.
- Fostering young talent.

Proud of you. Congratulations.

And by the way, she's not
consorting with the enemy,

if that's what you were thinking.

This is strictly social.
Business has not even come up.


I would ask you to stay, but...

No, no, that's fine.

I'm meeting Bill Merriman from Penguin.

Ah. Great.

- Good to see you.
- Enjoy your evening.

Good to see you. Enjoy your evening.

All right.


Now, last time he saw me,

I was dating a much younger woman.

This confirms your story.

See, I'm good for you.

- [chuckles]
- Now "Who's the Boss."

Remind me, is that the one

with the employee/boss love story?

Yeah. Yeah, something like that.

Tony Danza. One of our finest
American actors.

"Golden Girls."

♪ Run with me, let's run, run ♪

[upbeat music]

Oh, isn't this nice?

I feel so warm and fuzzy.

I'm not surprised. I mean, me too.

[both chuckling]


[laughs nervously]

Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

Uh-huh. Plus a little something extra.


Can I ask you to do something
kind of intimate?

Considering where your foot is,

I pretty sure we're past that.

Will you... shave me?

[laughs] Ohh.

I have literally
not thought of anything else

since the moment we met.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

[both chuckling]

Wait, wait. What are you doing?

I'm shaving you.

I meant my pussy!

♪ Ain't nothin' new,
been there, done that ♪

That was great, just so you know.

I do know. I was there.

Were you?

This is time stamped two minutes ago.

How are you DM'ing me while
we were actually having sex?

I had a hand free. Remember?

Okay, that's it.

Let's talk. Or not talk. I don't care.

But I'm sleeping with you
tonight and not your phone.

I'll get us some more wine

and I'll leave these in the kitchen.

[text tone chimes]


You know what?

I think we should actually
stop the Twitter feud.

My boss isn't crazy about it,

and I kinda owe him everything.


Actually, this is
the perfect time for a truce.

We're even.

♪ Give me some of that,
give me some of that gold ♪

♪ Give me some of that,
give me some of that gold ♪

♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh ♪

Hey, happy birthday.

Thanks. Not a big birthday guy.

I, uh, I should have sent
a cake or something

over to your table last night.

Jay Mallick, huh?

He's a nice guy.

Never married.

Likes cats. He's a cat guy.

News alert from Publishers Lunch:

LL Moore just signed with Rivington!


Rivington just stole LL Moore!

How did that happen?!

Is this because of your feud
with that Rivington editor?

Well, it's not a real feud, it's...

No, he's my friend. Zane is my friend.

We're more than friends. We're dating.

He would never do that.

Oh, pillow talk.
It can bring down empires.

Once at Harper Collins, I was...

Did you let any
proprietary information slip?

- Our latest offer?
- No. No.

He didn't have access
to your phone? Your iPad?

No? Yes?

This is bad, Kelsey.


And bad.

For all of us.

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

[sighs] Poor Charles.

On his birthday too.

Really, Kelsey?

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Shadows ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪


[upbeat music]

Zane, are you kidding me?

I could lose my job.

This is not a game. This is my life.

Oh, never mind. Don't call me.

Kelsey, if he did this to you,
he is not worth crying over.

I-I'm crying over my job.

Did you see Charles? He's gonna fire me.

And even if he doesn't,
he's never gonna trust me again!

Yes, he will. He cares about you.

And this is how I repay him,
by taking my eye off the ball,

by getting swept up in some stupid...

[phone chiming]




God, leave me alone.

Liza, I'm sorry. You too.

- I need a moment, okay?
- Okay.


How could you accuse her like that?

- This isnother fault.
- You sure of that? She isn't.

Charles, she is in there crying.

She's afraid you're gonna fire her!

Good. Then she won't
be surprised if it happens.

What am I supposed to do, Liza?

You of all people know how important

LL Moore is to this company.

- People are important too.
- Yeah, exactly.

And I've got 75 people out there

whose jobs I suddenly can't guarantee

because of her carelessness!

This is not like you to be so angry

- before you know the facts.
- You're right.

You're right. You're right.
I don't know anything.

I don't know how I'm going to
replace our biggest earner!

I don't know how I'm going to
make payroll next month!

And I don't know why you're dating

a 40-something guy
in publishing who isn't me!

All: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Charles ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Blow, Charles.

Or I will.


♪ You will come for me ♪

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- -