Younger (2015–…): Season 4, Episode 12 - Irish Goodbye - full transcript

[cell phone buzzing]

- Caitlin?

- No, it's Josh. Hi.

- Josh?

Uh, what's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.

Uh, I'm in Ireland, actually,

with, uh--with Clare.

- Hi, Liza!

- Uh, hi, Clare.

Ireland. Wow.

- Yeah, I got here yesterday.



I kind of missed her,
you know?

Wasn't ready to let her go.

- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.

But I can't stay here
forever,

so I figured the only way

we could keep dating...
is if I marry her.

- What?
You're gonna marry Clare?

- Yeah.
It's the only way to know

what we've got, you know?

Plus, she'll get a green card

so she can keep working
back in New York--

- Josh, are you sure?

[stammering] A green card
marriage is still a marriage.

- I know what I'm doing,
all right?



You're responsible
for all of this,

so it would mean a lot to me--

to both of us, really--

if you were here.

- Here? You mean there?
In Ireland?

- I kind of need you, Liza.

[soft dramatic music]

- Maggie.
Maggie, wake up.

- What?
What, is--is there a fire?

- Sort of.
Pack your bags.

We're going to Ireland.

- What?

[rock music]

* *

- Josh is going to marry Clare?

- This weekend. Green card.

- I mean, at least we know
she's not pregnant.

They've only been dating,
like, three weeks.

- That's you, always looking
on the bright side.

- Morning, Liza.
Peters.

- Ugh, I wish I could see
the bright side in that.

- I'll be back on Monday.

So sorry for the late notice.

But everything is in order
on "Marriage Vacation."

- So you're taking one.
Interesting.

- Not exactly.

Uh, Josh asked me to--

- Oh, my God,
the boy chasing.

Will you never learn?

Take it from
a newly single woman.

Men are nothing
but a distract--

- Morning, Diana.
I just want to say

how excited I am
to be working with you.

And congrats again
on the Pubbie.

- Marketing is really...
my passion.

- Oh, mine too.
That's where I got started.

You can't believe
the number of duds

that I've gotten
on the best-seller list

with a good campaign.

- Yes! I know exactly
what you're talking about.

We are the unsung heroes!

[laughs]

Don't you have
a plane to catch?

[traditional Irish music]

[traditional Irish music]

* *

- Hey!
- Hi!

- You made it!

- Hey! Google Maps
said an hour,

but the sheep in front
of us said three, so...

- Yeah, that's Ireland
for you.

- Hi.
- Hey!

Maggie, Liza,
this is my mum, Noreen.

- Hello.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Ah, you're so...
- Oh, hi.

- Mum, will you take
a picture?

- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, sure.

Okay.

- Oh, okay.

- Say, "Tinahely."

all: Tinahely!

[laughter]
- Golly.

Clare, let's book an actual
photographer for the wedding.

Oh, and we need to get
the caterer's quote down

and find a band.

God, so much to do before
we get these two lovebirds

in front
of Father Flannery.

- You guys are going
to a lot of effort for this.

- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah, why wouldn't we?

- Because it's just
for a green--

- Green--yeah, a green--
a green wedding.

In America,
everyone likes to be "green."

Not wasteful,
eco-friendly sort of thing.

- Right.
- Oh.

Well, in Ireland,
we like to have fun.

And follow tradition.

I best be off.

I'll leave it to Clare
to give you the tour.

- Bye.
- See you later.

- Bye, Mum.
- Bye.

- Yes, this is still
a green card wedding,

but no one here
knows about that.

- What? How?
- You're kidding.

- As soon as Mum found out,

she went into
mother-of-the-bride overdrive.

- Well, wouldn't it be easier

just to be honest
with her?

I'll shut up.

- I know we should have been,
but it's too late now.

So it's gonna be
a traditional country wedding

with all the trimmings.

- Josh, anything I can do
to help?

I mean, could go suit shopping
with you or...

- Uh, no.
I think we got it.

Come on, Mags,
let's get you checked in.

- Oh, okay. Awesome.

- Do you want to head up
to Dublin with me?

- Dublin?

Yeah, I'd--I'd love to!

- I've got to pick up
my dress.

[giggles]

- Wonderful.
Okay.

[rock music]

- Charles, Zane has
some fascinating ideas

for "Marriage Vacation."

- "Marriage Vacation"
is not his book.

It's my book and Liza's.

- Is Liza joining us?

- Ah. I meant
to tell you, she is--

- Chasing Josh around Ireland.

- Really?
- I know.

Leave without pay,
obviously.

- She's working remotely.

She put this marketing deck
together.

- Thanks for the segue,
Peters.

- No, I wasn't finished.
I--

- "Good Morning America"
is interested

in promoting the book.

Their producer, Cece Jones--

- Charles,
Cece is my contact.

I met her at The Nest
a few weeks ago--

- Cece and I
are old friends.

She can give us two segments,

with hero shots
of the book cover

in and out
of commercial breaks.

And she wants to include

the real-life
"Marriage Vacation,"

with you, Charles,
onstage with Pauline.

Her return.
Your reconciliation--

- Absolutely not.

- But I thought you two
were back together.

- We're selling a book, Zane,

not exploiting
Charles' family for sales.

- Kelsey's right.

This is a little close
to home for me.

- Of course.

But I thought the angle
that Empirical was taking--

- Millennial.

- Millennial was taking
was that the book is about...

two people finding their way
back to each other.

- Wow.

Way off.

- Charles, having Pauline
and you on "GMA" would...

help sell the narrative.

- I don't think so.

- Maybe we could let them
get a shot of you

by the side of stage,
just a nod and wave.

- I'll think about it.
We'll see.

- Regardless,
I'll lock it in with Cece.

Peters, shall we?

- Already dialing.

- So you and Pauline
are back together?

- Uh, well, I wouldn't--
I wouldn't say that exactly.

Uh, but she did move back in.

Uh, the guest room.
You know, for the girls.

- Typical.

Richard and I
have recently parted ways.

- Hmm.

- We're like ships
in the night.

[upbeat pop music]

- Say, "Oscar Wilde."

- Oscar Wilde!
Yay! [laughs]

Oh, so many photos.
My face hurts.

- Oh, I know.
It's for the wedding book.

- The photo album?

- Uh, no, it's--
it's the book of evidence

we need to apply
for my green card.

We need photos, receipts,
ticket stubs.

- Ugh, that sounds
like a lot of work.

- Yeah, and then immigration
will interrogate us

about the validity
of our marriage...

our friends too.

That's actually what I wanted
to talk to you about.

If they ask you
any questions...

- Me?

- Yeah, I mean, you and Josh
are so close.

So if--if they ask you,
can you tell them

that we got married
because we love each other?

- But are you in love
with Josh?

- Well, I-I love
that he's willing to do this

so I can follow my dreams
in the States.

He's amazing, right?

- Yeah, he is.

I can say, um--I can say
whatever you need me to say.

- Thanks.

And if they ask you how long
we've been together,

could you say six months
instead of one?

Six is just more...

- Yeah, it is.
Six times more.

- I know it's a lie,

but it's a tiny white lie,

like the one you had to tell
to, you know, get your job.

- You know about that?

- Yeah, of course.

Josh and I
are getting married.

We don't keep secrets
from each other.

- Including this? Josh knows
you're asking me to do this?

- Knows?
Liza, it was his idea.

That's why he wants you here,
to bolster our story.

- Really?
- Yeah.

From what he's told me,
you kind of owe him this, right?

- Him or you?

- Us.
[chuckles softly]

[dramatic music]

[upbeat Irish music]

- Josh only invited me here
so I would lie for him.

- There goes my peaceful
nature walk.

Why did I ever leave Brooklyn?
I always regret it.

- Sorry, it's just,
it's so insane!

I'm not gonna lie
to Homeland Security.

It's a felony.

- That doesn't sound
like Josh.

He hates lying,
and he hates liars.

I mean, what the hell
is really bugging you, girl?

- I just wish
he'd asked me himself.

Something just doesn't
feel right about this.

- Oh, don't make trouble.
You're not here

to "My Best Friend's Wedding"
this wedding.

- I'm not, and I won't.

It's just, he's barely said

two words to me
since I got here.

I just feel like
this whole marriage

is a reaction to everything
that's happened between us.

- Wait, Liza!

- And I think
he's rushing into I.

- I'm back here!
Oh, no!

- Oh, my God!

- I'm sinking!

Oh!

I--oh, no!
- You're in a peat bog!

- I read about that
in the in-flight magazine!

It can swallow a horse!

- Um, I can't--

Okay, I'm gonna go get help!

You stay there!

- Hurry!
- [yelling]

- Ugh, it smells like ass.

Ugh!

[sheep bleating]

[motor thrumming]

[grunting]

Ooh!
- Oh, God.

- [panting]

- Oh, thanks again, Noreen.
Lifesaver.

- Oh, I could
have been a bog body.

- Ha. It happens all the time.

We lost our best calf
in that bog last week.

- [exhales deeply]
- Oh, you're soaked through.

- Well, my place
is just over the hill.

You're welcome
to clean up there.

You could probably do
with some hot tea.

- Or an Irish coffee.

- Strongest in the village.

- Sold.

- You go.
I got to find Josh.

- Yeah, good luck.
And watch your step.

[upbeat music]

[applause]

- And welcome back
to "Good Morning America."

We are here with
Pauline Turner-Brooks,

who has written
this incredible book

called "Marriage Vacation."

- And not just a book
but what seems

a thinly veiled version
of her very own life,

her own marriage.

- So, I mean, technically,
this is fiction,

but how about we call it
"faction"?

- Oh, my God, I love that.
"Faction." Can I quote you?

So, uh, this is a story
about a woman...

- This is quite the coup.

Your ex
is a smooth operator.

- He is not my ex.

- Your F-U buddy, then?

- It's just F. And no.

- Pauline is a natural.
I think it's going great.

- And I think it's not
what we agreed on.

I asked for juicy content, Zane.
Juicy.

We're stretching,
and we haven't even made it

to the first
commercial break.

I should have pulled
the segment the second

the sexy husband refused
to go on the air.

- Not gonna happen, sorry.

- I'm cutting it, then.
Sorry.

- Wait.
Okay, look.

He told me no yesterday,

but maybe if they
ask nicely on the air...

- Did you just
give me permission?

- Mm...

[quirky music]

- Zane, what is going on?

What did you just say
to Cece?

* *

- Pauline, I've been told
your husband is here.

- He is?
- Oh, yes.

- How supportive,
after all the intimate details

you revealed about him
in this book.

- Oh, well,
that is a character.

- But he's here?
Where is he?

- Um, he's...
- Where? Where?

Oh, that's him?

- Come on out.
We'd love to talk to you.

Audience, wouldn't we love
to hear from Charles?

[cheers and applause]
- Oh, he doesn't--

He's a little shy.
- Come on out.

- Come on!
- They want to hear from you.

- Oh, my God.
[laughter]

- Welcome.

[upbeat guitar music]

- So tell me about yourself,
Maggie.

- Well, I'm born in Queens.

I'm an artist. I'm gay--

- Oh!
- You sound surprised.

I mean, they do have lesbians
here in Ireland, right?

- We call them nuns.

I was reacting
to "artist."

'Cause I sort of fancy myself
as being one too.

Not on your level, now.

Can I show you something?

[quirky music]

- What are we looking at
here again?

- [sighs]

Ever since Clare's father
passed away,

I keep painting
this same landscape.

It's this image that just
comes to me in my dreams.

These two rounded hills,

and then there's this valley
where they meet,

and right in the center,
there's an opening or a cave.

I can't explain it.

I've never been in there,
but I'd love to.

I really would.

- [chuckles softly]

[stammering]
And what's that pink thing?

- A boulder, I guess.

Just a round little nubby
sort of thing

right on top of the cave.

You can touch it if you want.

Actually, no.
It's still wet.

You know...

ever since
I lost my husband,

I've thought about
being a nun.

- No shit. [laughs]

[upbeat Irish music]

- Sláinte!

- Well, there's no
turning back now, man.

- Yeah.
- Your goose is cooked!

- Remember, if you hurt her,
we'll kill you.

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I got it.

- Josh.
- Oh.

- There you are.
- Hey. What's up, Liza?

- Hey. I feel like
you've been avoiding me

ever since I got here.

- No! No, no, no, no.

This--this has been
totally wild.

Way more than what I expected.

- Yeah, me too.
- Yeah.

- I'm, um--I'm starting to feel
a little set up here, actually.

- Oh. Oh, you mean 'cause
of the whole "six month" thing.

Yeah.

Look, if you don't want
to do it,

it's totally cool.

I understand.

I mean, I don't--
I don't want to make you

feel uncomfortable
or anything.

- It does make me feel a little
uncomfortable, actually.

This is a very official lie.

Homeland Security?

- So what you're basically
saying is,

you'll lie for yourself,
but you won't lie for me.

- Am I lying for you?

Or am I lying to get Clare
a green card?

- What? This is--
this isn't for her, Liza.

This is for us.

So we can be together
in New York City

and see where this leads.

Shit, really?

I mean, who do you think
Clare is?

- I don't know, Josh, and I
don't think you know either.

- [sighs]

If you don't want
to be here,

just go home.

- * I can't see clear anymore *

* Throw me a lifeline *

- * Ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah *

* Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah *

* Ah, ah, ah-ah-ah *

- That is not
what we had planned.

- I'm so sorry, Charles.

Cece just got out
of control, okay?

Didn't she, Peters?

- Why are you asking me?

I had nothing to do with that.

- Seriously?
She's your connection,

and this is your book.

Look, I'm not gonna
point fingers.

- I don't like
what's happening here.

- Neither do I.

- I just helped your book.

- Zane, let me catch you up.

I've already had two
"New York Times" best sellers

and turned an advice book
from a dog

into a million-dollar
franchise.

I don't need your help.

[thumping dance music]

* *

[horns honking]

- Thank you for being
such a good sport,

answering
all those questions.

- They made it sound
like we reconciled.

- It's not the craziest idea
in the world.

Is it?

[soft music]

- I think that we are still a...
work in progress.

* *

- Fair enough.

[cell phone chimes]

Oh, my God.

From Diana.

The "GMA" page
is blowing up.

[laughs]

Wow.

* *

[laughs]
I guess it did go well.

* *

[lively Irish music playing]

* *

- Hey, we should go.
Josh doesn't want me here.

- You just want to slip away
and pull an Irish good-bye?

- It was a bad idea to come.
Besides, everyone here

is so drunk,
they won't even notice.

- A bad idea to support Josh?

You keep on saying,
"We're friends."

So prove it.
Be a friend.

Be the best man
that he needs you to be.

- Liza, Maggie,
this is Fiona.

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Liza! [squeals]
- Oh! Hi.

- I've only seen you
on Clare's Instagram,

but I already feel
like I know you, you know?

- Fiona's my oldest friend.
She's also very, very drunk.

- Shut up, Clare.

Come. Let's show
these Yanks how to dance.

- Uh, let's not.

- Please!

- Ugh, fine.
Not without Liza.

- Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
- Come on.

- Okay.

- Now point your toes.

And up, two, three, four,

five, six, seven.

Up, two, three, four,

five, six, seven.

- Liza,
keep your arms down.

It's tradition.
- Okay.

- It's because
the priests thought

if girls moved
their upper body,

it would
"inflame the boys."

- [laughs]

- You can't move your arms

without shaking
your dirty pillows.

- Isn't the whole
point of dancing

to shake your dirty pillows?

[people cheering]

* *

- That's more like it!

- Now we're in Ireland!

* *

- What's going on?
- It's a Riverdance-off.

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- And so I want to thank
you all for being here.

To my family.

And, uh, to Liza.

She fixed me up
with Josh, and...

Well, how do you
thank someone

for the love of your life?

- Oh, come on.

I didn't do that much.

Just said he wasn't
a jerk, basically.

- Now I'd like
to make a speech.

I've been in a little Instagram
K-hole the last couple of days,

and I found out something
pretty interesting.

This isn't a love match.

Clare just met Josh,
like, last month.

This whole thing
is for a green card,

'cause Clare hates us
and hates Ireland.

- Fiona, stop!
- It's all lies!

How can you love someone
you met one month ago?

[people gasp]

- Is any of that true, Clare?

- They met six months ago!

And I should know, because
I am the one who introduced them

and watched them
fall in love.

And he asked her
to marry him.

And when someone
you love that much proposes,

you say yes.

Believe me,
you say yes.

So I think we should
raise a glass

to the happy couple.

To Clare and Josh!

all: To Clare and Josh!

- * Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh *

- Thank you, Liza.

Thank you.

* *

[slow pop music]

- So, Charles, did you get any
vacation during all of this?

- Uh, I, uh--
I went to the Hamptons once.

- Hamptons once. Now, was that
business or pleasure?

- Uh, strictly business.
- Strictly business.

Okay, and are you two
back together as a family now?

- We are working on it.

- We love hearing that,
right, everybody?

Yeah.
[applause]

Pauline and Charles,
we are so grateful

you are joining us today.

[knock at door]

- Wrong room, Josh.

- Nope. Right room.

- Josh, what are you
doing here?

- [exhales deeply]

I don't know.

I don't know
what I'm doing.

- You don't have to do anything
you don't want to do.

Follow your heart.

- You're right.

[The Perishers'
"Nothing Like You and I"]

* *

It's you, Liza.

It's always been you.

- * We spent some time
together walking *

* Spent some time
just talking *

- Josh, we can't.

We can't do this.
You know why.

Please, I can't give you
the life that you want.

- No, no, no.

The life that I want

is any life with you.

- * And told me
what we could be *

- I have to tell Clare
that I can't marry her.

- Josh.

- [exhales deeply]

Maybe not right this second.

[sighs] Can I just
sit here for a sec?

- All right, let me get you
a glass of water, okay?

- [exhales deeply]

[sputters]

- * There's nothing like
you and I *

* There's nothing like
you and I *

* Nothing like *

* You and I *

* *

* Nothing like you and I *

[rooster crowing]

[knock at door]

- Hey.
- Hurry up!

We were supposed
to be downstairs in ten

ten minutes ago.

- Oh. Uh, yeah,
I'm not so sure about that.

I don't think there's
gonna be a wedding.

- What?

- Yeah, Josh came
over here last night and--

- Have you seen outside?

- Oh. Mwah. Good.
- Good to see you.

- But he was gonna
tell Clare it was off.

- [laughs] Well, he's got
a funny way of showing it.

Come on, get dressed.
I want to get a good seat.

- [mouths word]

[dramatic music]

Sorry. Thanks.

* *

- Mobile.

- Huh?

- It's a no-phone ceremony.

- Right. Sure.

* *

Hey.

- Hi. [clears throat]

[exhales deeply]
- What happened?

- Look, I keep--

I keep coming back
to you, Liza,

even when I know
I should move on.

And...I--

I need to put a ring
between us.

[somber music]

* *

- This feels really weird.

- Yeah.

The groom slept
with his best man last night.

- [exhales sharply]

- Just slept, but still.

- Well, I screwed
the mother of the bride.

- [scoffs]

[soft harp music playing]

* *

- In the Celtic tradition,

this knot represents

the bond of your marriage

and the joining together
of your souls for life.

Will you seek to never
give cause to break that bond?

both: We shall never do so.

- And so the binding
is complete.

[Halsey's "Bad at Love"]

* *

- * I'm bad at love, ooh-ooh *

* But you can't blame me
for trying *

[applause]
* You know I'd be lying *

* Saying you were the one,
ooh-ooh *

* That could finally fix me *

[cell phone buzzing]
* Looking at my history *

* I'm bad at love,
ooh-ooh *

* Oh, oh *