Younger (2015–…): Season 4, Episode 1 - Post Truth - full transcript
Liza deals with the aftermath of coming clean with Kelsey, and Charles tests their synchronicity. Kelsey and Josh become unlikely allies.
[pop music]
* *
- * Where are you
now that I need ya *
- I was alone,
on the verge of bankruptcy,
with a daughter in college
and a deadbeat husband
who I finally got the guts
to throw out the door.
I worked at Random House
right out of college
for three years before I quit
to raise Caitlin,
My mom passed away that year,
and my daughter needed me.
- * Where are you now
that I need you *
When I was ready
to go back to work,
no one would give me a chance--
literally nobody.
Maggie had this crazy idea
that I lie about my age
on my resume.
I was so desperate,
I was ready to try anything.
- * Where are you
that I need you *
There were so many times
that I wanted to tell you,
but then we started
Millennial,
and I knew you needed
me to be the person
you believed I was.
Sometimes I believed it
myself.
* *
I know it was selfish,
but the longer it went on,
the harder it became
to tell you the truth.
- Why even tell me now?
- Because I couldn't keep
deceiving
the people I love most.
And, Kelsey,
next to my own daughter,
and Maggie,
you're the most precious
thing in the world to me.
- Wow!
I feel like I'm in
an episode of "Black Mirror"
or something.
I think that's all I can
deal with for one night.
We can talk more tomorrow.
- Yeah. We can keep talking
for as long as you like.
Uh...take my room.
I'll sleep with Maggie.
- Thanks.
Good night.
- Night.
- Good night.
"Black Mirror"?
- Beats me.
- [sighs]
- * I showed you the game *
- Thank you.
- * Everybody else
was playin' *
* That's for sure,
that's for sure *
* Where are you now
that I need ya *
* *
- They'll probably fire me.
I just hope
they don't sue me.
You know what?
Let 'em try.
It's not like I have
anything to lose.
- You know, I don't know
why you suddenly
feel the need to unburden
yourself to everyone,
starting with Kelsey.
You're not doing her any favors.
- I can't keep lying
to the people I love,
even if it means
they're not gonna like me
very much anymore.
- Sometimes lying
to the people you love best
is the most loving
thing you can do.
- You should like
a twisted fortune cookie.
- I accept that.
[phone chimes]
- I gotta get Kelsey
up for work.
We're gonna be late
for the morning meeting.
- Mmm.
- Kelsey, we should
start thinking about
heading to the office.
Kelsey?
[pop music]
* *
Good morning.
- Morning.
[phone chimes]
[rock music]
* *
- Oh, good, you're here.
- Of course.
Where else would I be?
- Well, you kinda
disappeared last night.
I was worried about you.
- What can I help you with?
- Kelsey, we have to talk.
I'm not gonna burden you
with this secret.
- Right now,
I'm more concerned
about how this happened.
You bought that stupid
labradoodle book
behind my back.
- Emily Burns did some digging.
She found out
about my real age,
threatened to write
a story about me in "EW"
unless we published her book.
- I begged you
not to buy that book.
- I know.
I was just
trying to protect--
- Yourself.
- Oh, I'm so sorry
to interrupt
your morning gossip,
but Marylynne Keller, the famous
Washington spin doctor,
is waiting for us
in the conference room
to pitch her new book.
She has to leave in ten minutes
to be on "Hardball" with
Chris Matthews, so let's move.
- The title of my book--
"It's True Because
I'm Shouting It:
Confessions
of a Washington Spin Doctor."
Because after 20 years
behind the scenes
of shaping policy
and perception,
I'm ready to take
a good, long leak.
I'm ready to take you
through the stories
of how I shaped the narrative,
from making people believe
that George W. Bush
just loved to
"clear brush on his ranch"
to the universal perception
that Michelle Obama
is a down-to-earth
fashion plate.
- Well, isn't she?
- Well, if you think so,
then it must be true.
But how...did that happen?
- Because she managed to be
both down to earth
and glamorous?
- And who would disagree
with you?
Nobody.
You say something loud,
you say it often,
then when people contradict you,
they sound like
defensive babies.
And bottom line: Truth...
is a four-letter word.
- Uh, actually, truth
is a five-letter word.
- Not the way I spell it.
It's important
not to confuse the truth
with the facts,
and vice versa.
- I'm not sure I...
see the difference.
[laughs]
- Okay.
The reality is a fact
is a factotum.
And according to Webster's,
a factotum
is a "jack of all trades,"
certainly not something
to trust or rely on.
- Those are two completely
different words.
- You're a very
attractive woman.
And I love that necklace.
And I don't care
if you are transgender.
- Uh--I'm not, um...
- Either way, I don't care.
The fact
of your gender identity
is irrelevant to me.
- I'm a woman.
- And I applaud that.
- Marylynne, thank you
so much for meeting with us.
- Oh, the pleasure
was mine.
- Thank you. So much.
- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Thank you.
[light music]
* *
- Okay.
I, uh, hear the opening
offer's 2 million.
- Assuming we want it.
- It's going to be
a big title for someone.
Thoughts?
- Very enlightening.
- You can't be serious!
She is a one-woman
reality distortion field!
- Liza?
- I think truth is more
elastic than we can imagine.
But it still has value.
Because without it,
there is no trust.
And without trust...
there is no love.
And that is why
I have to confess
something extremely difficult
to a group of people that I have
come to love very much...
and to whom I owe so much.
And whose forgiveness
I wouldn't have the presumption
to ask for.
- What? What is it?
[suspenseful music]
- I'm not--
- Going to marry...Josh.
Josh...he proposed, and...
Liza, I know
that this has been
really hard for you.
- Oh, for God's sake.
This is a business meeting!
We do not discuss
our personal lives.
I apologize for that, Charles.
- It's fine.
- Liza...
We need to talk.
- Uh...
give us a moment first.
* *
Are you crazy?
- No. Yes.
I don't know anymore.
Probably.
- If you tell people
that you've been lying
about your age,
what do you think is going
to happen to Millennial?
Our credibility
will be destroyed,
and every hater out there
who would just love to see us
fail will get their wish.
- So I just keep lying?
- No.
You...create your truth.
I Googled you earlier,
and the only thing
I could find...
[chuckles]
Was this.
A prized pig in Iowa
named Liza Miller.
- I actually hired someone
to make myself invisible
online.
- That's where you went wrong.
You are who your last
ten search results say you are.
We need to rewrite
your narrative,
create
some alternative facts.
- Oh, this is so sad.
No Twitter, no Tumblr,
no Spotify playlists?
- I've always been
a very private person.
- Um, privacy is just another
word for low self-esteem,
okay, Liza? You don't value
anything you say or do.
That's why
you're still an assistant.
- Okay, all right,
we're not here to criticize.
We're here to help her...
shout her truth.
- Mm-hmm. Of course.
We need to build your social
media profile--that's what I do.
When I first met Hector and
Dorff, they thought Instagram
was something that
went up your nose, okay?
Three million followers later,
well...
- We need to give Liza
an online identity.
All right?
It's important for Millennial
that people have
a strong sense of who she is.
- Okay.
So who do you wanna be?
A bookworm
with a slutty streak?
Workaholic hipster?
Ooh, I know, I know, I know!
Maybe you're a feisty blonde who
doesn't call her friends back.
Wait--No. That's Kelsey.
- Lauren, I'm sorry.
I had a rough week.
- Oh...
- Colin and I broke up.
- Oh. Okay, wait--and you were
gonna tell me this when?
- Soon.
- But you went to cry
on Liza's shoulder?
- Actually, we've been crying
on each other's shoulders.
Josh and I broke up too.
- Ah, I see, I see.
Okay, uh-huh.
So you've both been bonding
over your mutual heartbreak,
and you feel like you have
nothing in common
with a happy person?
So, what--I'm odd woman out?
- No, of course not.
- We love you.
- You know, it's not like
my life is perfect, okay?
Max works ridiculous shifts.
He comes home at crazy hours.
There's not even time
for sex.
- I'm sorry.
- Last night,
I sat on his nocturnal erection
while he was sleeping, okay?
In some cultures,
that would be considered rape.
- Yeah, pretty much
in every culture.
- Whoops.
[mellow music]
* *
- Liza.
I certainly hope
that broken engagement
had nothing to do with me.
- No.
When we got down to it,
it wasn't what I wanted.
And I'm really focused
on work right now.
- That's important.
- [laughs] Yeah.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Uh, L-Liza?
Are you a Hemingway fan?
- I, uh, love
"The Sun Also Rises"?
Not so much
"The Old Man and the Sea,"
but "A Moveable Feast"--pretty
much my bible in college.
I still have dreams
of moving to Paris.
- Would you like to join me
for something?
I think you might
find this interesting.
- Okay.
[mellow music]
- Hemingway's original draft
of "Farewell to Arms"...
- [gasps]
- With his handwritten notes.
- Wow!
- And, uh, that is
the original
Three Mountains Press edition
of his first collection
of short stories--
published in Paris
in 1924.
- "The Moveable Feast" years.
Amazing!
Are you thinking
of buying something?
- Uh, no, I'm selling.
- What?
All this belongs to you?
- No, my parents.
My dad loved Hemingway.
There's actually a picture
of the two of them somewhere
together in Sun Valley.
And I wanted to come by
and take one last look.
- That must be tough.
- Uh, not at all.
This is...history,
and I'm...more interested
in the future.
- Wait--Hemingway wrote
love letters
to Marlene Dietrich?
- Yeah. That's the 1950s
version of sexting.
- I never knew
they had a thing!
- They didn't, exactly,
um...
Hemingway once called
the two of them
"victims
of unsynchronized passion."
[light music]
* *
Excuse me for one second.
Old friends of my parents.
* *
- This is the living room.
We split the cable bill.
That's the kitchen.
There's always Kombucha brewing,
so help yourself.
- Oh!
- And the bedroom.
- Oh...
[cats meows]
My bedroom?
- No. It's a shared bed.
We could...make
a pillow wall, if you want.
- * I thought I could be
something special *
* And cozy for you *
* *
* A set of those diamonds *
* The diamonds that glare
as you stare *
* *
* You're so coo coo *
* I'm so coo coo *
* You're so crazy *
- Josh!
Hey!
Hey. I saw you see me.
- [sighs]
Look, I'm sorry.
I just--
I need to make a clean
break from Liza
and her entire world,
okay?
I mean, I'm sure you know
by now what's going on with us--
- Josh.
- Yeah.
- I know everything.
- You know everything?
What do you think
you know?
- Everything.
[pop music plays]
[Josh laughs]
- Did you think
it was funny,
both of you, just to pretend
to be my good friend and be
just lying to me like that?
- No. No!
I wanted to tell you, okay?
Lisa wouldn't let me.
- God. Who is she?
Like, do I even
know her at all?
- It's like you know her...
and you don't.
I mean, the same thing
happened to me, okay?
- So what really
went on that night?
When you were planning
to propose?
- No, look, um...
We can be friends.
Don't ask me
about that night.
Ever again.
[electronic music]
* *
[knock at door]
- Excuse me. Liza.
Emily Burns
is in the conference room.
- What? What is she doing here?
- I set it up.
Shit's about to go down.
- Excuse me?
- Emily,
thanks for coming in.
- Anytime. I am so excited
about my book!
- That's what I wanted
to discuss with you.
According to Liza,
there was some kind of
blackmail involved?
Now, I don't know
what it's about,
nor do I care,
but I can assure you
that once our lawyers
are done with you,
you won't just be losing
a book deal.
You'll be losing your job.
- I can't believe
you're saying this
after that nice article
I wrote about you guys
in "EW."
- That article
was mostly about Colin,
not Millennial.
- And thanks to the publicity
the article generated, we're
not even publishing his book.
- So thanks for nothing.
Oh, if you wanna play dirty,
the stakes are gonna
have to go way up.
- What do you want?
- Well...
Liza and I would like
to be on "EW's"
29 under 29 Media List.
- Both of us?
- Absolutely.
- [laughs] Okay. That is crazy.
The party is tonight.
That list has been closed
for weeks.
- Unclose it.
Or we're canceling
your book.
- I guess you could tie
for 29th with Tavi Gevinson.
- That would be fine.
- You do realize
this is a press event.
I just wanna make sure
you're both
prepared to be photographed.
- Absolutely.
- Then see you tonight!
And I hope you bitches
know what you're doing.
- [inhales, exhales]
[dance music]
- We really staked out
an important niche
in the marketplace.
- And of course, you can't run
a publishing company
called Millennial unless
you're a Millennial yourself.
* *
- Kelsey!
- Aah!
- Oh, my God, Kelsey,
you look amazing!
- Oh, thanks.
- God, I'm so impressed!
Max has something
he wants to say to you.
- Uh...we took the bench press
out of your room,
and it's in the hallway now.
- Please come back.
- Thank you, but no.
It was time
for me to move out.
- What--Where are you
living?
- I'll let you know.
Soon. I promise.
- No. What's wrong
with right now?
- Mm-mm. Boundaries.
You wanna think of this
as an exercise.
- Okay. Okay, fine.
Never mind.
- Mm-hmm.
- You look nice.
- I've gotten so many
offers on the book.
The tracking is incredible.
It already has more preorders
than the last "Harry Potter."
- How is that possible?
You don't have a publisher yet.
- Well, I can't do the math
for you.
The point is, Empirical's offer
was not the best.
But I do feel comfortable
with you.
- Well, and...we will have
a-a great team
working for you.
- Did you hear about
the rumors on "Politico"
that we're having an affair?
It's so weird.
- Really?
Uh, t-that is strange.
- We should just go ahead
and do it
and prove the naysayers
wrong.
- Wouldn't that be...
proving them right?
- I'm talking about
the trolls out there
who are saying
it isn't true.
Oh, by the way,
according to my Twitter feed,
it says that I'm at
a conference in Beijing.
So it's the perfect cover.
- If you are here,
how are you tweeting
from Beijing?
- Oh, I have people.
It's important to maintain
a Chinese presence.
- It would be great
if we could, uh...
confine our conversation
to the book.
- And kissing.
- Uh...no.
- Oh, I'm hearing yes.
- Uh, no, I'm...
I'm saying no.
- Words.
You're just saying words.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Okay, you are an evil genius.
You just got "EW" to put
their reputation on the line.
They would rather die
than admit they were wrong.
- Wrong about what?
- Nothing.
We're all in this together now.
Hey...
Isn't that your DILF boss?
- Oh, um, excuse me.
Hey.
- Hi.
- I thought you had
your dinner tonight.
- Uh, I did; I wanted to
congratulate you on the honor.
Uh, though I feel like I'm
the oldest person in the room.
Are you sure I'm allowed
to be here if I'm over 29?
- [stammering]
Uh, so, did we get the book?
- Uh, no, because I don't
want to publish it.
- Why not?
- I don't want to contribute to
the idea that truth is whatever
you're comfortable with.
Even if it means taking
a hit to the bottom line.
- Right.
- Guess I'm just old-fashioned
that way.
- Hey, uh, do you mind
if I steal her?
"Vulture" has a few questions.
- Uh, no, no, go, go.
Have fun.
And, Liza...
I'm proud of you.
* *
- Thank you.
- Have fun.
- Wait, what's wrong?
Liza, are you nervous?
- Uh, no, I'm great.
I'm just great.
- Ahh! Okay!
Oh, my gosh,
this list is being
retweeted everywhere.
And your Twitter account
is blowing up.
Hello, 1,235 new followers!
You're welcome.
- Ugh, my phone just died.
Will you please call me an Uber?
- Dude, no, this is your night.
Okay, please, take mine.
Oh, in fact, there's Abdul
arriving now in the black SUV.
- Good night.
- I'll get us another car.
- Oh, hey, Kelsey.
I just--
I just want to thank you
for forgiving me
and for understanding
that I'm still the same person
that you've always known.
- That in there...
was business.
I don't think that
I can ever forgive you.
You...
You broke my heart.
[hip-hop music]
- * You can damn me to step
over the edge *
- Hey, do you know
where Kelsey is living?
- Uh, no. Do you?
- Mm-mm, no, she won't tell me.
But now that she's in my Uber...
We're about to find out.
* *
- * There was a time I was
afraid of *
* The dark and monsters
living underneath my bed *
* And then I said
enough is enough *
- Oh, my God.
- * The only monsters were
the voices in my head *
[bell rings]
- * Dare me to run *
- Hey.
Got these made today.
- * Is that what you want? *
- Welcome, roomie.
- * I dare you to *
* *
* I dare, I dare, I dare *
* I dare you to *
* *
* I dare you to *
* *
- * Where are you
now that I need ya *
- I was alone,
on the verge of bankruptcy,
with a daughter in college
and a deadbeat husband
who I finally got the guts
to throw out the door.
I worked at Random House
right out of college
for three years before I quit
to raise Caitlin,
My mom passed away that year,
and my daughter needed me.
- * Where are you now
that I need you *
When I was ready
to go back to work,
no one would give me a chance--
literally nobody.
Maggie had this crazy idea
that I lie about my age
on my resume.
I was so desperate,
I was ready to try anything.
- * Where are you
that I need you *
There were so many times
that I wanted to tell you,
but then we started
Millennial,
and I knew you needed
me to be the person
you believed I was.
Sometimes I believed it
myself.
* *
I know it was selfish,
but the longer it went on,
the harder it became
to tell you the truth.
- Why even tell me now?
- Because I couldn't keep
deceiving
the people I love most.
And, Kelsey,
next to my own daughter,
and Maggie,
you're the most precious
thing in the world to me.
- Wow!
I feel like I'm in
an episode of "Black Mirror"
or something.
I think that's all I can
deal with for one night.
We can talk more tomorrow.
- Yeah. We can keep talking
for as long as you like.
Uh...take my room.
I'll sleep with Maggie.
- Thanks.
Good night.
- Night.
- Good night.
"Black Mirror"?
- Beats me.
- [sighs]
- * I showed you the game *
- Thank you.
- * Everybody else
was playin' *
* That's for sure,
that's for sure *
* Where are you now
that I need ya *
* *
- They'll probably fire me.
I just hope
they don't sue me.
You know what?
Let 'em try.
It's not like I have
anything to lose.
- You know, I don't know
why you suddenly
feel the need to unburden
yourself to everyone,
starting with Kelsey.
You're not doing her any favors.
- I can't keep lying
to the people I love,
even if it means
they're not gonna like me
very much anymore.
- Sometimes lying
to the people you love best
is the most loving
thing you can do.
- You should like
a twisted fortune cookie.
- I accept that.
[phone chimes]
- I gotta get Kelsey
up for work.
We're gonna be late
for the morning meeting.
- Mmm.
- Kelsey, we should
start thinking about
heading to the office.
Kelsey?
[pop music]
* *
Good morning.
- Morning.
[phone chimes]
[rock music]
* *
- Oh, good, you're here.
- Of course.
Where else would I be?
- Well, you kinda
disappeared last night.
I was worried about you.
- What can I help you with?
- Kelsey, we have to talk.
I'm not gonna burden you
with this secret.
- Right now,
I'm more concerned
about how this happened.
You bought that stupid
labradoodle book
behind my back.
- Emily Burns did some digging.
She found out
about my real age,
threatened to write
a story about me in "EW"
unless we published her book.
- I begged you
not to buy that book.
- I know.
I was just
trying to protect--
- Yourself.
- Oh, I'm so sorry
to interrupt
your morning gossip,
but Marylynne Keller, the famous
Washington spin doctor,
is waiting for us
in the conference room
to pitch her new book.
She has to leave in ten minutes
to be on "Hardball" with
Chris Matthews, so let's move.
- The title of my book--
"It's True Because
I'm Shouting It:
Confessions
of a Washington Spin Doctor."
Because after 20 years
behind the scenes
of shaping policy
and perception,
I'm ready to take
a good, long leak.
I'm ready to take you
through the stories
of how I shaped the narrative,
from making people believe
that George W. Bush
just loved to
"clear brush on his ranch"
to the universal perception
that Michelle Obama
is a down-to-earth
fashion plate.
- Well, isn't she?
- Well, if you think so,
then it must be true.
But how...did that happen?
- Because she managed to be
both down to earth
and glamorous?
- And who would disagree
with you?
Nobody.
You say something loud,
you say it often,
then when people contradict you,
they sound like
defensive babies.
And bottom line: Truth...
is a four-letter word.
- Uh, actually, truth
is a five-letter word.
- Not the way I spell it.
It's important
not to confuse the truth
with the facts,
and vice versa.
- I'm not sure I...
see the difference.
[laughs]
- Okay.
The reality is a fact
is a factotum.
And according to Webster's,
a factotum
is a "jack of all trades,"
certainly not something
to trust or rely on.
- Those are two completely
different words.
- You're a very
attractive woman.
And I love that necklace.
And I don't care
if you are transgender.
- Uh--I'm not, um...
- Either way, I don't care.
The fact
of your gender identity
is irrelevant to me.
- I'm a woman.
- And I applaud that.
- Marylynne, thank you
so much for meeting with us.
- Oh, the pleasure
was mine.
- Thank you. So much.
- Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
Thank you.
[light music]
* *
- Okay.
I, uh, hear the opening
offer's 2 million.
- Assuming we want it.
- It's going to be
a big title for someone.
Thoughts?
- Very enlightening.
- You can't be serious!
She is a one-woman
reality distortion field!
- Liza?
- I think truth is more
elastic than we can imagine.
But it still has value.
Because without it,
there is no trust.
And without trust...
there is no love.
And that is why
I have to confess
something extremely difficult
to a group of people that I have
come to love very much...
and to whom I owe so much.
And whose forgiveness
I wouldn't have the presumption
to ask for.
- What? What is it?
[suspenseful music]
- I'm not--
- Going to marry...Josh.
Josh...he proposed, and...
Liza, I know
that this has been
really hard for you.
- Oh, for God's sake.
This is a business meeting!
We do not discuss
our personal lives.
I apologize for that, Charles.
- It's fine.
- Liza...
We need to talk.
- Uh...
give us a moment first.
* *
Are you crazy?
- No. Yes.
I don't know anymore.
Probably.
- If you tell people
that you've been lying
about your age,
what do you think is going
to happen to Millennial?
Our credibility
will be destroyed,
and every hater out there
who would just love to see us
fail will get their wish.
- So I just keep lying?
- No.
You...create your truth.
I Googled you earlier,
and the only thing
I could find...
[chuckles]
Was this.
A prized pig in Iowa
named Liza Miller.
- I actually hired someone
to make myself invisible
online.
- That's where you went wrong.
You are who your last
ten search results say you are.
We need to rewrite
your narrative,
create
some alternative facts.
- Oh, this is so sad.
No Twitter, no Tumblr,
no Spotify playlists?
- I've always been
a very private person.
- Um, privacy is just another
word for low self-esteem,
okay, Liza? You don't value
anything you say or do.
That's why
you're still an assistant.
- Okay, all right,
we're not here to criticize.
We're here to help her...
shout her truth.
- Mm-hmm. Of course.
We need to build your social
media profile--that's what I do.
When I first met Hector and
Dorff, they thought Instagram
was something that
went up your nose, okay?
Three million followers later,
well...
- We need to give Liza
an online identity.
All right?
It's important for Millennial
that people have
a strong sense of who she is.
- Okay.
So who do you wanna be?
A bookworm
with a slutty streak?
Workaholic hipster?
Ooh, I know, I know, I know!
Maybe you're a feisty blonde who
doesn't call her friends back.
Wait--No. That's Kelsey.
- Lauren, I'm sorry.
I had a rough week.
- Oh...
- Colin and I broke up.
- Oh. Okay, wait--and you were
gonna tell me this when?
- Soon.
- But you went to cry
on Liza's shoulder?
- Actually, we've been crying
on each other's shoulders.
Josh and I broke up too.
- Ah, I see, I see.
Okay, uh-huh.
So you've both been bonding
over your mutual heartbreak,
and you feel like you have
nothing in common
with a happy person?
So, what--I'm odd woman out?
- No, of course not.
- We love you.
- You know, it's not like
my life is perfect, okay?
Max works ridiculous shifts.
He comes home at crazy hours.
There's not even time
for sex.
- I'm sorry.
- Last night,
I sat on his nocturnal erection
while he was sleeping, okay?
In some cultures,
that would be considered rape.
- Yeah, pretty much
in every culture.
- Whoops.
[mellow music]
* *
- Liza.
I certainly hope
that broken engagement
had nothing to do with me.
- No.
When we got down to it,
it wasn't what I wanted.
And I'm really focused
on work right now.
- That's important.
- [laughs] Yeah.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Uh, L-Liza?
Are you a Hemingway fan?
- I, uh, love
"The Sun Also Rises"?
Not so much
"The Old Man and the Sea,"
but "A Moveable Feast"--pretty
much my bible in college.
I still have dreams
of moving to Paris.
- Would you like to join me
for something?
I think you might
find this interesting.
- Okay.
[mellow music]
- Hemingway's original draft
of "Farewell to Arms"...
- [gasps]
- With his handwritten notes.
- Wow!
- And, uh, that is
the original
Three Mountains Press edition
of his first collection
of short stories--
published in Paris
in 1924.
- "The Moveable Feast" years.
Amazing!
Are you thinking
of buying something?
- Uh, no, I'm selling.
- What?
All this belongs to you?
- No, my parents.
My dad loved Hemingway.
There's actually a picture
of the two of them somewhere
together in Sun Valley.
And I wanted to come by
and take one last look.
- That must be tough.
- Uh, not at all.
This is...history,
and I'm...more interested
in the future.
- Wait--Hemingway wrote
love letters
to Marlene Dietrich?
- Yeah. That's the 1950s
version of sexting.
- I never knew
they had a thing!
- They didn't, exactly,
um...
Hemingway once called
the two of them
"victims
of unsynchronized passion."
[light music]
* *
Excuse me for one second.
Old friends of my parents.
* *
- This is the living room.
We split the cable bill.
That's the kitchen.
There's always Kombucha brewing,
so help yourself.
- Oh!
- And the bedroom.
- Oh...
[cats meows]
My bedroom?
- No. It's a shared bed.
We could...make
a pillow wall, if you want.
- * I thought I could be
something special *
* And cozy for you *
* *
* A set of those diamonds *
* The diamonds that glare
as you stare *
* *
* You're so coo coo *
* I'm so coo coo *
* You're so crazy *
- Josh!
Hey!
Hey. I saw you see me.
- [sighs]
Look, I'm sorry.
I just--
I need to make a clean
break from Liza
and her entire world,
okay?
I mean, I'm sure you know
by now what's going on with us--
- Josh.
- Yeah.
- I know everything.
- You know everything?
What do you think
you know?
- Everything.
[pop music plays]
[Josh laughs]
- Did you think
it was funny,
both of you, just to pretend
to be my good friend and be
just lying to me like that?
- No. No!
I wanted to tell you, okay?
Lisa wouldn't let me.
- God. Who is she?
Like, do I even
know her at all?
- It's like you know her...
and you don't.
I mean, the same thing
happened to me, okay?
- So what really
went on that night?
When you were planning
to propose?
- No, look, um...
We can be friends.
Don't ask me
about that night.
Ever again.
[electronic music]
* *
[knock at door]
- Excuse me. Liza.
Emily Burns
is in the conference room.
- What? What is she doing here?
- I set it up.
Shit's about to go down.
- Excuse me?
- Emily,
thanks for coming in.
- Anytime. I am so excited
about my book!
- That's what I wanted
to discuss with you.
According to Liza,
there was some kind of
blackmail involved?
Now, I don't know
what it's about,
nor do I care,
but I can assure you
that once our lawyers
are done with you,
you won't just be losing
a book deal.
You'll be losing your job.
- I can't believe
you're saying this
after that nice article
I wrote about you guys
in "EW."
- That article
was mostly about Colin,
not Millennial.
- And thanks to the publicity
the article generated, we're
not even publishing his book.
- So thanks for nothing.
Oh, if you wanna play dirty,
the stakes are gonna
have to go way up.
- What do you want?
- Well...
Liza and I would like
to be on "EW's"
29 under 29 Media List.
- Both of us?
- Absolutely.
- [laughs] Okay. That is crazy.
The party is tonight.
That list has been closed
for weeks.
- Unclose it.
Or we're canceling
your book.
- I guess you could tie
for 29th with Tavi Gevinson.
- That would be fine.
- You do realize
this is a press event.
I just wanna make sure
you're both
prepared to be photographed.
- Absolutely.
- Then see you tonight!
And I hope you bitches
know what you're doing.
- [inhales, exhales]
[dance music]
- We really staked out
an important niche
in the marketplace.
- And of course, you can't run
a publishing company
called Millennial unless
you're a Millennial yourself.
* *
- Kelsey!
- Aah!
- Oh, my God, Kelsey,
you look amazing!
- Oh, thanks.
- God, I'm so impressed!
Max has something
he wants to say to you.
- Uh...we took the bench press
out of your room,
and it's in the hallway now.
- Please come back.
- Thank you, but no.
It was time
for me to move out.
- What--Where are you
living?
- I'll let you know.
Soon. I promise.
- No. What's wrong
with right now?
- Mm-mm. Boundaries.
You wanna think of this
as an exercise.
- Okay. Okay, fine.
Never mind.
- Mm-hmm.
- You look nice.
- I've gotten so many
offers on the book.
The tracking is incredible.
It already has more preorders
than the last "Harry Potter."
- How is that possible?
You don't have a publisher yet.
- Well, I can't do the math
for you.
The point is, Empirical's offer
was not the best.
But I do feel comfortable
with you.
- Well, and...we will have
a-a great team
working for you.
- Did you hear about
the rumors on "Politico"
that we're having an affair?
It's so weird.
- Really?
Uh, t-that is strange.
- We should just go ahead
and do it
and prove the naysayers
wrong.
- Wouldn't that be...
proving them right?
- I'm talking about
the trolls out there
who are saying
it isn't true.
Oh, by the way,
according to my Twitter feed,
it says that I'm at
a conference in Beijing.
So it's the perfect cover.
- If you are here,
how are you tweeting
from Beijing?
- Oh, I have people.
It's important to maintain
a Chinese presence.
- It would be great
if we could, uh...
confine our conversation
to the book.
- And kissing.
- Uh...no.
- Oh, I'm hearing yes.
- Uh, no, I'm...
I'm saying no.
- Words.
You're just saying words.
[upbeat music]
* *
- Okay, you are an evil genius.
You just got "EW" to put
their reputation on the line.
They would rather die
than admit they were wrong.
- Wrong about what?
- Nothing.
We're all in this together now.
Hey...
Isn't that your DILF boss?
- Oh, um, excuse me.
Hey.
- Hi.
- I thought you had
your dinner tonight.
- Uh, I did; I wanted to
congratulate you on the honor.
Uh, though I feel like I'm
the oldest person in the room.
Are you sure I'm allowed
to be here if I'm over 29?
- [stammering]
Uh, so, did we get the book?
- Uh, no, because I don't
want to publish it.
- Why not?
- I don't want to contribute to
the idea that truth is whatever
you're comfortable with.
Even if it means taking
a hit to the bottom line.
- Right.
- Guess I'm just old-fashioned
that way.
- Hey, uh, do you mind
if I steal her?
"Vulture" has a few questions.
- Uh, no, no, go, go.
Have fun.
And, Liza...
I'm proud of you.
* *
- Thank you.
- Have fun.
- Wait, what's wrong?
Liza, are you nervous?
- Uh, no, I'm great.
I'm just great.
- Ahh! Okay!
Oh, my gosh,
this list is being
retweeted everywhere.
And your Twitter account
is blowing up.
Hello, 1,235 new followers!
You're welcome.
- Ugh, my phone just died.
Will you please call me an Uber?
- Dude, no, this is your night.
Okay, please, take mine.
Oh, in fact, there's Abdul
arriving now in the black SUV.
- Good night.
- I'll get us another car.
- Oh, hey, Kelsey.
I just--
I just want to thank you
for forgiving me
and for understanding
that I'm still the same person
that you've always known.
- That in there...
was business.
I don't think that
I can ever forgive you.
You...
You broke my heart.
[hip-hop music]
- * You can damn me to step
over the edge *
- Hey, do you know
where Kelsey is living?
- Uh, no. Do you?
- Mm-mm, no, she won't tell me.
But now that she's in my Uber...
We're about to find out.
* *
- * There was a time I was
afraid of *
* The dark and monsters
living underneath my bed *
* And then I said
enough is enough *
- Oh, my God.
- * The only monsters were
the voices in my head *
[bell rings]
- * Dare me to run *
- Hey.
Got these made today.
- * Is that what you want? *
- Welcome, roomie.
- * I dare you to *
* *
* I dare, I dare, I dare *
* I dare you to *
* *
* I dare you to *