Younger (2015–…): Season 3, Episode 1 - A Kiss Is Just a Kiss - full transcript

You can tell everybody about me.

I don't really care anymore.

My brother and I were super competitive.

Thad has a twin?

Oh, yeah, he never mentioned it?

We chased the same beautiful girls.

I want to be with you,
whatever that means.

I'm all-in.

We want you back at Empirical.

- I don't know.
- Just think about it.

Think about this.



Is there room for this in there?

You're gonna need another bag.

Mom, I already have three
duffels and a backpack.

And don't forget this.

- Oh.
- Condoms.

Got you covered.

Medium to magnum.

- Thoughtful.
- Uh, no small?

I have faith in you.

Thank you, Maggie.

You expecting somebody?

Here, let me try.

Good morning.

Good morning. This is a surprise.



Just bringing doughnuts.
Don't freak out.

Hi.

- Caitlin, you remember Josh.
- Yeah.

Namaste.

I heard somebody was leaving
for college today so...

Excellent!

Come on, we got a suitcase issue.

- Oh. All right.
- Yeah.

All in.

- Morning, Maggie.
- Uh, morning.

Yeah, these are really good. Good job.

What's going on?

So I forgot to tell you something.

You know, I think Josh might be, uh,

more than a midlife crisis,
Mom. This could be serious.

Oh, I'll keep you posted.

I can tell he totally adores you.

It's like the age thing

just doesn't even seem so weird anymore.

He seduced you with a doughnut.

Rose! One second.

You know, I like this Josh 2.0.

He knows he made a mistake

and now he's trying to
prove himself to you.

I'm just not sure I'm ready
to go through all this again.

A hot guy who will lie for you?

What more does anybody
want out of a relationship?

When Charles found me at the mall,

he kissed me in the men's department.

How could you not have told me this?

I... did you like it?

It doesn't matter.

He thinks I'm 26 and he's my boss.

Nothing can happen.

I think you should sue
for sexual harassment,

get a huge settlement, buy my loft,

I'll sponge off you, and
all problems will be solved.

You're seriously not helping here.

Uh, Mom and Maggie, this is Rose.

- We met at orientation
- Hi.

Nice to meet you, Rose.

And these are my parents.

Bob and Julia.

It's so nice to meet the Moms.

Oh.

Actually, I'm Caitlin's mom, Liza.

This is my very good friend Maggie.

Yeah, we're roommates.

Where do you ladies live?

We live in Brooklyn. I've
had a loft there forever.

I'm an artist.

- Oh, well, we collect.
- Oh.

How would you describe your work?

Oh. Big, gay, and fun.

Well, we love fun. We'll
have to check it out.

Bob's sister is married to a woman.

She lives in Portland.

That's nice.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I just want to say I'm
very happy you're back.

- So am I.
- And I would love to find

a moment to... talk. I feel like...

Charles, I was looking
for you in your office.

We are prepping Kiko
Kagami for her book tour

this afternoon, and...

Want to make sure we'll
see you in the meeting.

It's on my calendar.

That's a beautiful tie, by the way.

Thank you.

The salesgirl who picked it out

really... gets me.

Chad, you've got to
get into Thad's computer

and shut down his Facebook account.

I have tried every
password I can think of.

Can you call them?

Oh, no, you can't
"call" Facebook, Kelsey.

No, there is no there there.

Well, what are we supposed to do?

I'm working on getting
them a death certificate,

but until then, his
profile remains active.

Oh, he's like a cyber ghost.

Just send me his computer,
okay, I'm gonna figure this out.

Kelsey, please don't yell at me.

I'm sorry.

No. I'm sorry.

We need to be comforting each other.

You're right, Chad.

Do you have plans tonight?

I'll call you.

- Uh...
- Has Chad had any luck

getting into Thad's computer?

No, and I really need him to,

if only to change this profile picture.

Look at this.

Also, people are still
writing on his wall.

"I hope he's getting his
face licked in heaven."

"Thinking of you on hump day."

And 30 new friend requests.

Wow, he's really getting
that post death bounce.

You know, it's always
sexier when you can't get it.

- Lauren.
- Okay, listen, I... hey,

I am gonna get you through this, girl.

Just think of me as your grief coach.

All right, I got to run,
but I'll meet you after work.

There is a really hot bereavement group

at my temple tonight.

That's wonderful. I'm not even Jewish.

Even better, really.

Oh, and equine therapy
in the morning, okay,

don't forget. We've got a busy schedule.

Bye.

I'm not sure what's more stressful,

being a bride or a widow.

I don't want to smother you,
but whenever you need me,

day or night, I'm there.

I know you are.

Okay.

I am so pleased to introduce
you all to Kiko Kagami,

the writer of "Blissful Living,"
or as it is known in Japan,

where it is the number one bestseller

for the last two years,
"Seikatsu Shiawasena."

Uh, "Shiawasena Seikatsu."

Arigato.

Kiko is in the U.S.
for a seven day tour,

which she will be kicking
off on Thursday morning

with an appearance on
Kathie Lee and Hoda.

Kiko, please.

My book is rooted in the idea
that all objects have a spirit,

and we must work on lightening our load

by setting free those objects
which no longer serve us.

We must be ruthless in
identifying these things

and with a tender heart,
kiss them and let them go.

She got Oprah to give up bread.

It was not easy.

And as we do with our things,

so must we do with our priorities.

I ask you all now, as an exercise,

to take the paper and pen before you

and divide the paper into
four quadrants like so.

Now I would like you to
write in each quadrant

those things in your
life you care most about

in order of importance.
Please do this now.

_

_

_

_

_

Now stop. Look carefully

at what you have written
in your fourth quadrant.

Whatever it is will destroy you,

because it takes away
from your real priorities.

This is the vortex, the vortex of death.

I wrote my mother.

Young lady, as an
example... may I see yours?

Oh, no, thank you.

Oh, please, I must insist.

No.

- Yes.
- No.

- I think so, ye...
- No!

- I think now...
- Uh, no.

Huh.

The idea behind Equine Assisted Therapy

is that by communicating with
a properly certified horse,

you can unpack your toxic emotions

and move more quickly
through the grieving process.

That's wonderful.

That... that is exactly
what my girl needs.

You can tell your horse things
that you might be too ashamed

to share with a friend
or with a therapist.

Okay.

Let me introduce you to Mike.

Go heal.

Gently brush him,

and when you're comfortable,
share your feelings.

This is weird.

You really are a beautiful boy.

You know, I do have one secret
that I'm ashamed to talk about.

I can't admit it to anyone.

Oh.

Congratulations, you got a release.

Yes!

I've got a proposition.

Okay.

I would love to clear the air.

If you're amenable, meet me
at The Carlyle tonight at 9:00.

If you show up, great,

and if you don't,
that's completely fine.

It will be like it never happened.

Charles, come say hello to Kiko.

_

So behind door number one,

we have your sweet,
hot, 26 year-old boyfriend,

who honestly knows and adores you

and wants to be with you,
despite your craziness.

Behind door number two, we've got

your 40-something divorced
boss, with two kids.

Is there really a choice?

He's a grown up. We talk about books.

Talking? Books? Ugh.

I've at least got to go meet him

and make it less awkward.

You know, I've kissed plenty
of people inappropriately,

and it's really not that big of a deal.

I know my priorities.

It's Caitlin, you, and my job.

Anything that gets in the
way of that is a mistake.

You're gonna kiss him again.

I know you.

I know what you're doing.

Excuse me?

Trying to avoid loneliness,

burying your misery in your work.

I think you're projecting, Diana.

Maybe.

But I know a girl who needs
to cut loose when I see one.

Can I buy you a drink?

Sure.

Just give me a minute.

You wanna hit the bar next door?

Oh. I've got a better place in mind.

After my divorce I spent
every night for years

in the office. I got to
know all of the janitors.

Anything to avoid
putting myself out there.

How many years were you married?

Five years. Andy really
was a wonderful man.

I don't mean to say
"was." He's not dead,

he's just just remarried... to Eduardo.

Did you know?

He was a wasp from Connecticut.

I just thought he was
uptight and well-mannered.

So did you guys have sex?

Biannually. Here we are.

♪ Be our guest be our guest ♪

♪ Put our service to the test ♪

♪ Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie ♪

♪ And we'll provide the rest ♪

Diana, what is this place?

Marie's Crisis. It's where I
come whenever I'm having one,

'cause you can't be sad or lonely

surrounded by a drunken mob
of gay men singing show tunes.

♪ Try the grey stuff. It's delicious ♪

♪ Don't believe me? Ask the dishes ♪

♪ They can sing. They can dance ♪

♪ After all, Miss, this is France ♪

♪ And the dinner here is never second best ♪

♪ Go on, unfold your menu take a glance ♪

A double vodka for me, and a...

I'll... I'll just have a glass of wine.

- Two double vodkas.
- What?

Lubricates the vocal chords.

♪ We'll prepare and serve
with flair a culinary cabaret ♪

♪ You're alone and you're scared ♪

Let's show 'em how it's done.

♪ The banquet's all prepared ♪

Charles.

Bob, hi.

Hi, Julia, you look beautiful. Hi. Aw.

- We're celebrating.
- No we're not, I'm in mourning.

Aw, we just sent Rose off to college.

That's not possible, she's 14.

- She's 18.
- We're empty-nesters.

Hey, are you alone? You should join us.

Oh, thanks, I'm, uh, just
meeting a friend for a drink.

Oh, is it a date?

N... not exactly.

It's this young woman I work with,

and I kind of kissed myself
into a complicated situation.

Ooh, that sounds interesting.

Please, don't tell me
she's your assistant.

She's not my assistant.

- Oh, God.
- Ah, listen,

as your friend, congrats,
you still got it.

As your attorney, I see lawsuits and HR.

I know, but she's different.

There's something about her.
She's like a... like an old soul.

Yeah, in a hot, young body.

Yeah, you're already putting yourself

in a compromising position by
inviting her out for a drink.

- Come on.
- I would keep it

purely about business.

If you want to pursue
a romantic relationship,

find her a job somewhere else.

Is there another option?

You could marry her.

- Oh.
- Okay.

Miss... Miss, can I help you?

Uh, no, thank you, I'm fine.

_

_

♪ Let's go fly a kite ♪

♪ Up to the highest height ♪

♪ Let's go fly a kite ♪

♪ And send it soaring ♪

♪ Up through the atmosphere ♪

♪ Up where the air is clear ♪

♪ Oh, let's gooo ♪

♪ Fly a kite ♪

♪ ♪

Wow!

Oh, my God.

Oh, what's the matter? Uh...

- I think I'm gonna be sick.
- Oh, no.

Okay, go, go, go. Come on.

Here we go.

_

- Oh!
- What happened?

I get... the vertigo when
I have a vodka or two.

Or six.

Okay, well, come on, let's get you home.

No, I'm fine!

- Okay! No, you're not.
- Oh.

Let's go.

- All right.
- Taxi.

- Watch your head.
- Oh, gosh. Sit down.

Welcome to my home.

Wow. Diana, your place is gorgeous.

Yeah.

It's a Candela building.

Work hard enough for the next ten years

and maybe you'll have a
beautiful apartment like this.

Actually, probably never.
Not at today's prices.

Can... I get you all a drink?

- Diana, are you sure...
- Bup, bup!

Liza, I think I know
when I've had enough.

Kels?

Glass of white wine would be great.

How about vodka? Wine is for fat people.

Okay, then.

Excuse the mess, I
wasn't expecting company.

I suppose you'll want the tour.

- Uh... sure.
- Yeah.

This is where I sit.

It's lovely.

I don't want that either.

Ooh.

- This is where I sleep.
- Yeah.

And this is my sanctum.

Oh, my God!

Diana!

I'm... speechless.

Kiko Kagami would have
a field day in here.

Half the things are
probably vintage by now.

Is that... your wedding dress?

Yes.

It's what I married Andy
in almost 15 years ago.

Oh, please, don't put that on.

Don't be ridiculous.

I am gonna kiss this thing.

And let it go.

Oh... my God. How did that happen?

Uh. She found me working late

and she asked me to
have a drink with her.

Said she recognized

a bit of herself in me. That's scary.

Okay, come on, you
are nothing like Diana.

It is true that I haven't been
wanting to go home, though.

It's like I've been
burying my guilt in my work,

or something.

What could you possibly
have to feel guilty about?

That maybe I was marrying Thad

just to prove everybody else wrong.

And when he died, a tiny
part of me felt relieved,

because now I didn't have to marry him.

Isn't that awful?

No, it's human.

Kelsey, have you told
this to anybody else?

Just Mike.

Who's Mike?

A horse.

Never mind. I can't even.

In my office!

How are you feeling?

I woke up in my Spanx,

and my closet looked like it
had been pillaged by thieves.

Is there anything else I should know?

That about covers it.

Get me four Aspirin and a Diet Sunkist,

and we will never speak
of last night again.

Hey. Kiko Kagami is
on Kathie Lee and Hoda.

It's about simplifying your life

and being honest with yourself.

Do I really need this thing?

We really need so little to be happy.

And sometimes, the less we have,

the more happy you are.

I kind of agree with her.

How many bracelets do you have?

I have lots.

And do you love these the most?

I'm so sorry about last night.

Liza, I think you're fantastic.

You don't have to explain a thing.

Then kiss them and let them go.

Well, when I get home, I'm gonna kiss

this whole outfit
buh-bye. Oh, I'm so glad.

- I just want to you know...
- It was just a kiss, Liza.

Let it go.

- Kiss this and let it go.
- Hmm? This?