Younger (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 8 - Beyond Therapy - full transcript
Josh's inclusion in a New York Times profile puts a strain on his relationship with Liza.
[piano music]
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey.
- Hey.
You made it.
- What's so important
you couldn't text?
Ooh, they have
champagne here?
- They only had
the champagne of beers.
- Mm.
- [chuckles]
- [laughing]
What are we celebrating?
- I got this crazy call today.
This magazine wants me to be
in their
"Young Creatives" issue.
- Oh, that's great.
Congrats.
- Oh, thanks.
- What's the magazine?
- "T Magazine"?
- Josh.
- Hmm?
- You're gonna be
in "The New York Times"?
Tell me everything!
- Okay, okay.
Uh, so this creative director,
Greta Lin--she called me.
She's, uh, curating
the issue.
She wants to hang out
for a few days,
get to know me, talk,
do a little photo shoot.
She's coming to see
the band tomorrow,
so do you want
to come interrupt me
when I say dumb stuff?
- Josh, do you read
"The New York Times"?
They have fact-checkers--
people whose entire job it is
to pry into your record and dig
up every single mundane thing.
- Okay.
- And they're obsessed with age.
"Mrs. Clinton, 67.
Ms. Theron, 40."
- Okay.
- You might as well call it
"'The New York Times'
How Old Are You?"
- Okay.
- I--
- You don't have to come.
- Let's go find
some real champagne.
[glasses clink]
- Okay.
[upbeat pop music]
*
- I just can't believe
everyone is so excited
about a sample chapter.
- A great sample chapter...
from a PhD who specializes
in drop-kicking
lazy 20-somethings
out of their parents' rec room
and into adulthood.
Everyone here
can smell a hit.
"The Deciding Decade"...
[scoffs]
It's gonna be a monster.
- [gasps]
Excuse me.
Aren't you
Diana Trout's assistant?
- Hi, Cheryl.
- Is she here?
I didn't see Empirical
on the sign-in sheet.
- I'm here
with Millennial Print.
Kelsey Peters, thi--
Cheryl Sussman.
- Oh.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Millennial Print...
[scoffs]
You really are shameless.
- Got to run.
Take care.
- You know, you may be able to
fool a few morons at Empirical,
but Dr. Wray psychoanalyzes
20-somethings for a living.
Hashtag "good luck."
- Your waiting room is full
of out-of-touch 40-somethings
who only understand
your book conceptually.
We are living
our deciding decade right now.
We totally relate
to your book.
- And we can sell it.
Your case studies were made
for BuzzFeed listicles,
and your podcast
will blow up even bigger
once we Periscope it
during the rollout.
- How old are you two,
may I ask?
- I'm turning 27 tomorrow.
- Yep,
right about the same.
- And you're running
an imprint.
- I've worked really hard
to get here.
I interned every summer
in college,
and I started with Empirical
just three days
after graduation.
- Doesn't sound like much time
for a personal life.
- I've dated my boyfriend
for two years.
- And the marriage track?
Kids?
- Um...
we haven't discussed that
in any, uh, real,
official terms...
yet.
- All right.
Just make sure
you know what you want
and then make sure
he can give it to you.
Beware the no-criteria
relationship.
It may seem fun at 26, but you
string enough of those together,
and then suddenly you're 39,
and you're asking your niece
to set up
a Hinge profile for you.
- Okay, was that a pitch meeting
or a therapy session?
- Why have we not been freaking
out about our futures more?
I am turning 27 tomorrow!
- Hey, you did great
in there.
- And she's wrong
about Thad.
I've met his parents,
his brother.
I'm meeting his boss tonight
at this charity thing.
- Are you worried about the book
or your timeline?
'Cause there is no perfect plan
to getting your life right.
There's always compromises.
- Compromises or excuses?
- We don't always know
what's coming.
Okay, there was this girl
that I knew growing up.
She had this perfect plan.
She got married.
She landed this great job
right out of college,
and then she got pregnant,
and motherhood turned out
to be overwhelming--
- Okay, okay, this is the most
boring, clichéd story
I've ever heard.
- Actually,
it was very complex.
[piano music]
- Okay, so,
when you meet my boss,
you don't have
to say much, okay?
He's not big on small talk.
- [scoffs] I know how to behave.
- Okay.
Whoo, there he is--
Ethan Foster.
He bought mortgage-backed
securities in 2008--
huevos.
Oh, God. He's coming.
Just be cool.
- You're the one talking
about his huevos.
- [clears throat] Ethan, hi.
Uh, good to see you, sir.
This is my girlfriend, Kelsey.
- Hi.
- Wow. As beautiful
as advertised.
- Thank you.
- Let me guess--
you work in fashion.
- Publishing.
I just launched a new imprint
for 20-something readers.
- Oh, congratulations.
And what are the millennials
reading nowadays?
Are they reading?
[Thad and Kelsey laugh]
- I just heard an amazing pitch
from a psychologist, actually,
whose book is basically a guide
to your 20s.
- Well, you'll have to let me
know the release date.
I've got a 19-year-old
I want to scare straight
before he starts
a nonprofit.
- [chuckles] I sent
the sample chapter to Thad.
You'll send it to him?
- Uh, ye--yes, sir.
- Oh, terrific.
Well, nice to meet you, Kelsey.
- Nice to meet you.
- Uh, please excuse me.
- Of course.
[chuckles]
- [sighs]
Babe, you killed that.
- [chuckles]
Yeah.
[playful music]
*
- Ooh, Olay antiaging
moisturizer.
- I need all the help
I can get.
I ran into
Cheryl Sussman today.
- She-devil.
- Ugh. It was a long day
in the 20-something minefield.
- Don't forget your neck.
[cell phone chimes]
- Who's that?
- Oh.
Land mine.
Josh is being followed around
for this article.
Hey, what do
creative directors do exactly?
- Other people's coke, mostly.
What article?
- This "Young Creatives" issue
in "The Times."
- Seriously?
That's huge.
- Right?
I can't get near that.
- And Josh is okay
with that?
- He's fine.
We talked.
- Oh.
[indistinct chatter]
[piano music]
- Excuse me.
- Hey, whoa, whoa.
Hey, calm down.
What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- Look, I'm locking down
your birthday gift, okay?
That's Karra--
two Rs,
but she might be willing
to add a third.
- Are you serious?
A three-way?
- Yeah.
- That moment where I dazzled
your boss--that happened, right?
I wasn't hallucinating?
Because I skipped lunch
to fit into this dress.
- You look super hot, okay?
- That's all you care about,
isn't it?
I could be any girl
in this room right now.
You know what?
Dr. Wray's right.
This is
a no-criteria relationship.
- A what?
- The sample chapter
that I sent you three days ago,
you know, of the book
that I really need to land.
- You're mad because I didn't
read some dumb chapter?
- No, I'm not mad.
I'm just seeing everything
a lot more clearly.
- Jeez, are--are you, like,
ragging it right now?
- You know what?
You need to grow up.
And I can't waste any more time
waiting for you to do that.
*
- [pats back]
There you are.
I wanted my wife
to meet Kelsey.
- Yeah, I was--
I was just looking for her.
- Well, find her...
and don't let her
get away.
That girl
is something special.
- * Two days
looking good on me *
* New groove
kicking in these feet *
- Yes.
Josh, over here.
A little bit more.
That's hot.
One more.
Look right.
Good.
- Hey.
- * I'm feeling good *
- How's it going?
- It's good.
It's good.
Actually,
it's kind of weird.
I think the more
I talk to Greta,
the more I realize
how big a part of my story
you actually are.
- Aw.
- Yeah, but
I can't tell her that,
so I'm just making stuff up.
- [laughs]
- I think she actually thinks
I'm with Gabe.
[chuckles]
- Wow.
You're a worse liar
than I thought.
[both chuckle]
Hey, will you be done
by lunchtime?
Midtown?
My treat.
- I--
- Hi.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry to barge in,
but, um, we're running behind,
and we're ready for you.
- I--Greta,
this is my, uh...
really good friend Liza.
- Mm.
- I wish
I could kiss you.
- Go.
Be young and creative.
- [chuckles]
- I'll see you at lunch.
- Okay.
[upbeat indie music]
*
- Hey.
Happy birthday.
- Hey, listen, I just got off
the phone with Jane's agent.
It's between us
and one other publisher.
I already sent a follow-up email
and a handwritten note,
and I'm finding out
who else is in the mix.
I also broke up
with Thad last night.
- What?
Oh, Kelsey, I'm so sorry.
- You wouldn't be sorry
if I quit a job
that was going nowhere.
- Yeah, but you loved him.
And you invested a lot
in that relationship.
- And this is
how he apologized.
[scoffs] He wishes his abs
still looked like that.
- [sighs]
What can I do?
- You can reserve a booth
at Stanton Social
for my birthday tonight.
Just you, me, and Lauren.
Invite Josh.
Super low-key,
really wasted.
- You got it.
I'm here if you want to talk.
- Go.
This is the first day
of my new timeline,
and I'm not wasting it
whining about the past.
- [exhales deeply]
[cell phone chimes]
Ay.
Okay.
Aah! Hi.
Sorry.
I, um--I left Phillipa Gregory's
new outline on your desk.
She's really
into royal incest. Enjoy.
- And where are you going
in such a clumsy hurry?
- I have a lunch,
if that's okay.
- That's cute.
Assistants
don't have lunch, Liza.
They fetch lunch.
But then again,
according to Cheryl Sussman,
you aren't
an assistant anymore.
- What?
- Hmm.
She told me she saw you
at the Jane Wray pitch,
and you said "Millennial"
was the perfect title
for your imprint.
She said you were
quite full of yourself.
- I wasn't.
- You are still
my assistant, Liza.
And how you behave towards
my colleagues reflects on me.
- I understand.
[tense music]
*
- Be back in 40
with a Cobb salad,
and if the dressing
isn't on the side--
- It will be.
Thank you.
[upbeat music]
[cell phone clicking]
*
[cell phone chimes,
elevator bell dings]
Ugh.
[sighs]
[cell phone clicking]
*
I thought we agreed against
the suicide pact, Cheryl.
- Yeah, that was
before your youthfulness
threatened my bottom line.
The only reason Millennial
is in the running
is because Dr. Wray thinks
you're 26, and that is not fair.
- It's just one book.
- Then pull your offer.
Or I'll tell Dr. Wray that her
shiny millennial poster child
is a pathological liar.
- A liar
you tried to extort.
I still have those emails.
- Careful, Liza.
Right now I'm only proposing
a contained skirmish.
But if you push me,
I'll go North Korea on your ass.
- Stop threatening me, Cheryl.
- Oh, I'm done with threats.
[tense rock music]
[inhales deeply]
Hi, there.
Cheryl Sussman for Dr. Wray.
It's urgent.
- Okay, fine.
You win.
- The truth is gonna catch up
with you every now and then.
Just get used to it.
[pensive music]
- [scoffs]
*
[tense rock music]
*
Dr. Wray, this is Liza Miller
from Millennial.
Will you please call me back
at your earliest convenience?
- Thank you so much for seeing
me on such short notice.
- If this is about the book,
I haven't made my decision yet.
- I'm not here as an editor.
I'm here as a patient.
We have doctor-patient privilege
in this room, right?
- Well, I can't testify
against you in court
if you killed somebody,
but...
Oh, come on.
- Nobody at work
knows this, but...
I'm not 26.
I'm 40.
[playful music]
- Okay.
*
Now I'm interested.
- So now I'm at Empirical,
and I have to make myself
invaluable
before anyone
figures it out
and I become
a think piece on Slate.
- Liza, why did you tell me
all of this?
- A woman
at a rival publisher knows.
She's blackmailing me again.
She threatened to tell you--
- So you wanted to beat her
to the punch.
- But also,
this situation that I'm in--
- Lie.
- This lie is an asset.
I have lived
this book twice.
The first time
I got a great job, a husband,
and a kid during
my peak fertility years,
and it blew up
in my face.
But now I get another shot
at my 20s.
Nobody understands
the importance of this book
more than I do.
- I will tell you what...
I'm gonna sign
with Millennial.
- Really?
Dr. Wray--
- On one condition--
I use you as a case study.
I know how
to keep a secret.
Nobody knows who that
sample chapter is about,
and she is one of the world's
highest-paid musicians.
- The girl who kept getting
into no-criteria relationships,
who channeled her heartbreak
into her work.
Oh, my gosh. Is it Tayl--
- Sorry.
Doctor-patient privilege.
You know,
I actually admire you.
[chuckles] It's a completely
ludicrous idea,
and you are pulling it off.
- Thank you?
[upbeat music]
*
- We got the book.
- [gasps]
Oh, my God!
We got the book?
- Go to Gawker.
- Oh.
"Millennial Publishing
"publishing
millennial guide book.
Baby imprint
scores huge get."
- We are gonna get
hammered tonight.
[both chuckle]
[telephone rings]
- This is Dr. Wray.
- Jane,
it's Cheryl Sussman.
[clicks tongue]
I saw the announcement.
There's something
you need to know
about your hip,
young publisher.
Liza Miller,
who's trying to pass herself off
as a millennial--
she's 40.
- I wish I could say that
I'm surprised to get this call,
but it seems that you are
very well versed at this.
- At what?
- Blackmail.
Is that something you really
want on your timeline
this late
in the game, Cheryl?
You know, I just did an hour
on corporate ageism
on my podcast last month,
and I would really hate
to have to repeat myself.
- She told you.
- I can't really discuss
another patient,
but if you'd ever like to talk
about your anger issues--
[upbeat music]
*
- Hey!
Happy birthday!
- Have you seen this?
- * I keep drinking
my cheap champagne *
- How do you have this
already?
- Oh, so you knew
about it?
- Well, how did you know
about it?
- I hate-follow Greta Lin
on Instagram.
Ugh.
She is so perfect.
Liza, look,
he doesn't mention you once.
His dumpy roommate
gets more play in that article
than you do.
- Yeah, it's basically
a glossy Tinder profile.
- Uh-huh.
Give me.
"While strolling
Bedford Avenue,
"a few girls noticeably tousle
their hair.
"One waves longingly
from across the street,
"but he maintains
that for now,
his heart only belongs
to Inkburg."
- [sighs]
Well...
I mean, he didn't write it.
- Liza, are you listening
to this?
According
to "The New York Times,"
you don't exist.
- Seriously!
Liza, what an ass--
- Hey.
- Hey.
Josh, we were just reading
an advance of the article.
It's fantastic.
- Yeah, yeah.
You come off great in it.
- Yeah, I guess
it just slipped your mind
that you have
a girlfriend.
- No, no, it's fine
that I'm not in it.
- No, it's not fine
that you're not in it.
You know what?
[scoffs]
I'm sorry to be
so real here, Josh,
but it's my birthday,
and we're all getting a little
too old to play pretend.
Do you care
about her at all?
Does she mean
anything to you?
I mean, do you have
one shred of a soul,
or did you think you'd bank
a few more tramp stamps
if you seemed
a little more available?
- Kelsey, stop.
- You didn't deserve that.
And you don't deserve her.
- Have a nice birthday.
- I have missed you,
single Kelsey.
[door closes, opens]
- Josh.
Josh, wait!
Josh!
- What the hell was that?
- I didn't know
it was out tonight.
- And that's my fault?
This was supposed
to be great for me.
This sucks, Liza.
- I'm sorry.
They sprung that on me.
I hadn't even told them
about it.
- And you don't think
that's weird?
- We're weird.
You--you like that,
remember?
- This just keeps happening.
I can't be in your life.
You can't be in my life.
- Not yet.
- When?
Huh?
I can't do this anymore.
- Josh.
- I'm done.
- * I keep coming back
* Back to you
[indistinct chatter]
[glasses clink]
- Babe, babe.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.
No, no, not tonight.
- I know I'm not invited.
I'll go
as soon as I say this.
[sighs]
You were right.
You deserve more.
You deserve everything
that you want.
And I know that
I can give it to you.
- [screeches]
- [gasps]
- You hit all the criteria
that I'm looking for
and a couple
that I never even thought of.
- You read the chapter.
- Will you marry me?
[uplifting rock music]
[cheers and applause]
*
- [laughing]
Liza, are you crying?
*
- I'm just so happy
for you.
- [squeals, laughs]
- * Set my soul on fire
*
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey.
- Hey.
You made it.
- What's so important
you couldn't text?
Ooh, they have
champagne here?
- They only had
the champagne of beers.
- Mm.
- [chuckles]
- [laughing]
What are we celebrating?
- I got this crazy call today.
This magazine wants me to be
in their
"Young Creatives" issue.
- Oh, that's great.
Congrats.
- Oh, thanks.
- What's the magazine?
- "T Magazine"?
- Josh.
- Hmm?
- You're gonna be
in "The New York Times"?
Tell me everything!
- Okay, okay.
Uh, so this creative director,
Greta Lin--she called me.
She's, uh, curating
the issue.
She wants to hang out
for a few days,
get to know me, talk,
do a little photo shoot.
She's coming to see
the band tomorrow,
so do you want
to come interrupt me
when I say dumb stuff?
- Josh, do you read
"The New York Times"?
They have fact-checkers--
people whose entire job it is
to pry into your record and dig
up every single mundane thing.
- Okay.
- And they're obsessed with age.
"Mrs. Clinton, 67.
Ms. Theron, 40."
- Okay.
- You might as well call it
"'The New York Times'
How Old Are You?"
- Okay.
- I--
- You don't have to come.
- Let's go find
some real champagne.
[glasses clink]
- Okay.
[upbeat pop music]
*
- I just can't believe
everyone is so excited
about a sample chapter.
- A great sample chapter...
from a PhD who specializes
in drop-kicking
lazy 20-somethings
out of their parents' rec room
and into adulthood.
Everyone here
can smell a hit.
"The Deciding Decade"...
[scoffs]
It's gonna be a monster.
- [gasps]
Excuse me.
Aren't you
Diana Trout's assistant?
- Hi, Cheryl.
- Is she here?
I didn't see Empirical
on the sign-in sheet.
- I'm here
with Millennial Print.
Kelsey Peters, thi--
Cheryl Sussman.
- Oh.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Millennial Print...
[scoffs]
You really are shameless.
- Got to run.
Take care.
- You know, you may be able to
fool a few morons at Empirical,
but Dr. Wray psychoanalyzes
20-somethings for a living.
Hashtag "good luck."
- Your waiting room is full
of out-of-touch 40-somethings
who only understand
your book conceptually.
We are living
our deciding decade right now.
We totally relate
to your book.
- And we can sell it.
Your case studies were made
for BuzzFeed listicles,
and your podcast
will blow up even bigger
once we Periscope it
during the rollout.
- How old are you two,
may I ask?
- I'm turning 27 tomorrow.
- Yep,
right about the same.
- And you're running
an imprint.
- I've worked really hard
to get here.
I interned every summer
in college,
and I started with Empirical
just three days
after graduation.
- Doesn't sound like much time
for a personal life.
- I've dated my boyfriend
for two years.
- And the marriage track?
Kids?
- Um...
we haven't discussed that
in any, uh, real,
official terms...
yet.
- All right.
Just make sure
you know what you want
and then make sure
he can give it to you.
Beware the no-criteria
relationship.
It may seem fun at 26, but you
string enough of those together,
and then suddenly you're 39,
and you're asking your niece
to set up
a Hinge profile for you.
- Okay, was that a pitch meeting
or a therapy session?
- Why have we not been freaking
out about our futures more?
I am turning 27 tomorrow!
- Hey, you did great
in there.
- And she's wrong
about Thad.
I've met his parents,
his brother.
I'm meeting his boss tonight
at this charity thing.
- Are you worried about the book
or your timeline?
'Cause there is no perfect plan
to getting your life right.
There's always compromises.
- Compromises or excuses?
- We don't always know
what's coming.
Okay, there was this girl
that I knew growing up.
She had this perfect plan.
She got married.
She landed this great job
right out of college,
and then she got pregnant,
and motherhood turned out
to be overwhelming--
- Okay, okay, this is the most
boring, clichéd story
I've ever heard.
- Actually,
it was very complex.
[piano music]
- Okay, so,
when you meet my boss,
you don't have
to say much, okay?
He's not big on small talk.
- [scoffs] I know how to behave.
- Okay.
Whoo, there he is--
Ethan Foster.
He bought mortgage-backed
securities in 2008--
huevos.
Oh, God. He's coming.
Just be cool.
- You're the one talking
about his huevos.
- [clears throat] Ethan, hi.
Uh, good to see you, sir.
This is my girlfriend, Kelsey.
- Hi.
- Wow. As beautiful
as advertised.
- Thank you.
- Let me guess--
you work in fashion.
- Publishing.
I just launched a new imprint
for 20-something readers.
- Oh, congratulations.
And what are the millennials
reading nowadays?
Are they reading?
[Thad and Kelsey laugh]
- I just heard an amazing pitch
from a psychologist, actually,
whose book is basically a guide
to your 20s.
- Well, you'll have to let me
know the release date.
I've got a 19-year-old
I want to scare straight
before he starts
a nonprofit.
- [chuckles] I sent
the sample chapter to Thad.
You'll send it to him?
- Uh, ye--yes, sir.
- Oh, terrific.
Well, nice to meet you, Kelsey.
- Nice to meet you.
- Uh, please excuse me.
- Of course.
[chuckles]
- [sighs]
Babe, you killed that.
- [chuckles]
Yeah.
[playful music]
*
- Ooh, Olay antiaging
moisturizer.
- I need all the help
I can get.
I ran into
Cheryl Sussman today.
- She-devil.
- Ugh. It was a long day
in the 20-something minefield.
- Don't forget your neck.
[cell phone chimes]
- Who's that?
- Oh.
Land mine.
Josh is being followed around
for this article.
Hey, what do
creative directors do exactly?
- Other people's coke, mostly.
What article?
- This "Young Creatives" issue
in "The Times."
- Seriously?
That's huge.
- Right?
I can't get near that.
- And Josh is okay
with that?
- He's fine.
We talked.
- Oh.
[indistinct chatter]
[piano music]
- Excuse me.
- Hey, whoa, whoa.
Hey, calm down.
What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
- Look, I'm locking down
your birthday gift, okay?
That's Karra--
two Rs,
but she might be willing
to add a third.
- Are you serious?
A three-way?
- Yeah.
- That moment where I dazzled
your boss--that happened, right?
I wasn't hallucinating?
Because I skipped lunch
to fit into this dress.
- You look super hot, okay?
- That's all you care about,
isn't it?
I could be any girl
in this room right now.
You know what?
Dr. Wray's right.
This is
a no-criteria relationship.
- A what?
- The sample chapter
that I sent you three days ago,
you know, of the book
that I really need to land.
- You're mad because I didn't
read some dumb chapter?
- No, I'm not mad.
I'm just seeing everything
a lot more clearly.
- Jeez, are--are you, like,
ragging it right now?
- You know what?
You need to grow up.
And I can't waste any more time
waiting for you to do that.
*
- [pats back]
There you are.
I wanted my wife
to meet Kelsey.
- Yeah, I was--
I was just looking for her.
- Well, find her...
and don't let her
get away.
That girl
is something special.
- * Two days
looking good on me *
* New groove
kicking in these feet *
- Yes.
Josh, over here.
A little bit more.
That's hot.
One more.
Look right.
Good.
- Hey.
- * I'm feeling good *
- How's it going?
- It's good.
It's good.
Actually,
it's kind of weird.
I think the more
I talk to Greta,
the more I realize
how big a part of my story
you actually are.
- Aw.
- Yeah, but
I can't tell her that,
so I'm just making stuff up.
- [laughs]
- I think she actually thinks
I'm with Gabe.
[chuckles]
- Wow.
You're a worse liar
than I thought.
[both chuckle]
Hey, will you be done
by lunchtime?
Midtown?
My treat.
- I--
- Hi.
- Hey.
- I'm sorry to barge in,
but, um, we're running behind,
and we're ready for you.
- I--Greta,
this is my, uh...
really good friend Liza.
- Mm.
- I wish
I could kiss you.
- Go.
Be young and creative.
- [chuckles]
- I'll see you at lunch.
- Okay.
[upbeat indie music]
*
- Hey.
Happy birthday.
- Hey, listen, I just got off
the phone with Jane's agent.
It's between us
and one other publisher.
I already sent a follow-up email
and a handwritten note,
and I'm finding out
who else is in the mix.
I also broke up
with Thad last night.
- What?
Oh, Kelsey, I'm so sorry.
- You wouldn't be sorry
if I quit a job
that was going nowhere.
- Yeah, but you loved him.
And you invested a lot
in that relationship.
- And this is
how he apologized.
[scoffs] He wishes his abs
still looked like that.
- [sighs]
What can I do?
- You can reserve a booth
at Stanton Social
for my birthday tonight.
Just you, me, and Lauren.
Invite Josh.
Super low-key,
really wasted.
- You got it.
I'm here if you want to talk.
- Go.
This is the first day
of my new timeline,
and I'm not wasting it
whining about the past.
- [exhales deeply]
[cell phone chimes]
Ay.
Okay.
Aah! Hi.
Sorry.
I, um--I left Phillipa Gregory's
new outline on your desk.
She's really
into royal incest. Enjoy.
- And where are you going
in such a clumsy hurry?
- I have a lunch,
if that's okay.
- That's cute.
Assistants
don't have lunch, Liza.
They fetch lunch.
But then again,
according to Cheryl Sussman,
you aren't
an assistant anymore.
- What?
- Hmm.
She told me she saw you
at the Jane Wray pitch,
and you said "Millennial"
was the perfect title
for your imprint.
She said you were
quite full of yourself.
- I wasn't.
- You are still
my assistant, Liza.
And how you behave towards
my colleagues reflects on me.
- I understand.
[tense music]
*
- Be back in 40
with a Cobb salad,
and if the dressing
isn't on the side--
- It will be.
Thank you.
[upbeat music]
[cell phone clicking]
*
[cell phone chimes,
elevator bell dings]
Ugh.
[sighs]
[cell phone clicking]
*
I thought we agreed against
the suicide pact, Cheryl.
- Yeah, that was
before your youthfulness
threatened my bottom line.
The only reason Millennial
is in the running
is because Dr. Wray thinks
you're 26, and that is not fair.
- It's just one book.
- Then pull your offer.
Or I'll tell Dr. Wray that her
shiny millennial poster child
is a pathological liar.
- A liar
you tried to extort.
I still have those emails.
- Careful, Liza.
Right now I'm only proposing
a contained skirmish.
But if you push me,
I'll go North Korea on your ass.
- Stop threatening me, Cheryl.
- Oh, I'm done with threats.
[tense rock music]
[inhales deeply]
Hi, there.
Cheryl Sussman for Dr. Wray.
It's urgent.
- Okay, fine.
You win.
- The truth is gonna catch up
with you every now and then.
Just get used to it.
[pensive music]
- [scoffs]
*
[tense rock music]
*
Dr. Wray, this is Liza Miller
from Millennial.
Will you please call me back
at your earliest convenience?
- Thank you so much for seeing
me on such short notice.
- If this is about the book,
I haven't made my decision yet.
- I'm not here as an editor.
I'm here as a patient.
We have doctor-patient privilege
in this room, right?
- Well, I can't testify
against you in court
if you killed somebody,
but...
Oh, come on.
- Nobody at work
knows this, but...
I'm not 26.
I'm 40.
[playful music]
- Okay.
*
Now I'm interested.
- So now I'm at Empirical,
and I have to make myself
invaluable
before anyone
figures it out
and I become
a think piece on Slate.
- Liza, why did you tell me
all of this?
- A woman
at a rival publisher knows.
She's blackmailing me again.
She threatened to tell you--
- So you wanted to beat her
to the punch.
- But also,
this situation that I'm in--
- Lie.
- This lie is an asset.
I have lived
this book twice.
The first time
I got a great job, a husband,
and a kid during
my peak fertility years,
and it blew up
in my face.
But now I get another shot
at my 20s.
Nobody understands
the importance of this book
more than I do.
- I will tell you what...
I'm gonna sign
with Millennial.
- Really?
Dr. Wray--
- On one condition--
I use you as a case study.
I know how
to keep a secret.
Nobody knows who that
sample chapter is about,
and she is one of the world's
highest-paid musicians.
- The girl who kept getting
into no-criteria relationships,
who channeled her heartbreak
into her work.
Oh, my gosh. Is it Tayl--
- Sorry.
Doctor-patient privilege.
You know,
I actually admire you.
[chuckles] It's a completely
ludicrous idea,
and you are pulling it off.
- Thank you?
[upbeat music]
*
- We got the book.
- [gasps]
Oh, my God!
We got the book?
- Go to Gawker.
- Oh.
"Millennial Publishing
"publishing
millennial guide book.
Baby imprint
scores huge get."
- We are gonna get
hammered tonight.
[both chuckle]
[telephone rings]
- This is Dr. Wray.
- Jane,
it's Cheryl Sussman.
[clicks tongue]
I saw the announcement.
There's something
you need to know
about your hip,
young publisher.
Liza Miller,
who's trying to pass herself off
as a millennial--
she's 40.
- I wish I could say that
I'm surprised to get this call,
but it seems that you are
very well versed at this.
- At what?
- Blackmail.
Is that something you really
want on your timeline
this late
in the game, Cheryl?
You know, I just did an hour
on corporate ageism
on my podcast last month,
and I would really hate
to have to repeat myself.
- She told you.
- I can't really discuss
another patient,
but if you'd ever like to talk
about your anger issues--
[upbeat music]
*
- Hey!
Happy birthday!
- Have you seen this?
- * I keep drinking
my cheap champagne *
- How do you have this
already?
- Oh, so you knew
about it?
- Well, how did you know
about it?
- I hate-follow Greta Lin
on Instagram.
Ugh.
She is so perfect.
Liza, look,
he doesn't mention you once.
His dumpy roommate
gets more play in that article
than you do.
- Yeah, it's basically
a glossy Tinder profile.
- Uh-huh.
Give me.
"While strolling
Bedford Avenue,
"a few girls noticeably tousle
their hair.
"One waves longingly
from across the street,
"but he maintains
that for now,
his heart only belongs
to Inkburg."
- [sighs]
Well...
I mean, he didn't write it.
- Liza, are you listening
to this?
According
to "The New York Times,"
you don't exist.
- Seriously!
Liza, what an ass--
- Hey.
- Hey.
Josh, we were just reading
an advance of the article.
It's fantastic.
- Yeah, yeah.
You come off great in it.
- Yeah, I guess
it just slipped your mind
that you have
a girlfriend.
- No, no, it's fine
that I'm not in it.
- No, it's not fine
that you're not in it.
You know what?
[scoffs]
I'm sorry to be
so real here, Josh,
but it's my birthday,
and we're all getting a little
too old to play pretend.
Do you care
about her at all?
Does she mean
anything to you?
I mean, do you have
one shred of a soul,
or did you think you'd bank
a few more tramp stamps
if you seemed
a little more available?
- Kelsey, stop.
- You didn't deserve that.
And you don't deserve her.
- Have a nice birthday.
- I have missed you,
single Kelsey.
[door closes, opens]
- Josh.
Josh, wait!
Josh!
- What the hell was that?
- I didn't know
it was out tonight.
- And that's my fault?
This was supposed
to be great for me.
This sucks, Liza.
- I'm sorry.
They sprung that on me.
I hadn't even told them
about it.
- And you don't think
that's weird?
- We're weird.
You--you like that,
remember?
- This just keeps happening.
I can't be in your life.
You can't be in my life.
- Not yet.
- When?
Huh?
I can't do this anymore.
- Josh.
- I'm done.
- * I keep coming back
* Back to you
[indistinct chatter]
[glasses clink]
- Babe, babe.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh.
No, no, not tonight.
- I know I'm not invited.
I'll go
as soon as I say this.
[sighs]
You were right.
You deserve more.
You deserve everything
that you want.
And I know that
I can give it to you.
- [screeches]
- [gasps]
- You hit all the criteria
that I'm looking for
and a couple
that I never even thought of.
- You read the chapter.
- Will you marry me?
[uplifting rock music]
[cheers and applause]
*
- [laughing]
Liza, are you crying?
*
- I'm just so happy
for you.
- [squeals, laughs]
- * Set my soul on fire
*