Younger (2015–…): Season 2, Episode 1 - Tattoo You - full transcript

Liza's daughter comes home and she finds it difficult to tell her about Josh. And she's wondering about their future. Diana goes with Charles to meet Bobby Flay but Diana has an accident and needs to go to the dentist. And Flay knows one who works at night and the dentist is a woman who takes a liking to Charles.

[upbeat music]


- Okay, not a word
about anything.

Final decision.

- Five minutes ago she was
in the circle of trust.

What just happened?

- Caitlin's gonna have enough

cultural shock coming home
without having to hear that

her mother has
a completely new identity.

And definitely
don't mention Josh.

- I don't even know what's
going on with you two.

- Mm, things are weird
now that he knows that I'm 40.

- J-Lo's in her 40s,
and everybody

in their right mind's trying
to make it work with her.

- 'Cause she's J-Lo.
- You're as hot as J-Lo.

- Well, you're as hot
as Megan Fox.

- [chuckles] Hon, let's never
stop lying to each other, okay.

- [gasps]

all: Hi!

- [laughs]

- Hi!
- Hi, Caitlin!

Oh, I've missed you so much.

- Ah, hi, Mom.
Hi, Maggie.

- Hi, give me a kiss.
- Wow...

both: Muah!
- Someone needs a shower.

- I got it.
- Mom, don't be so Western.

All right.
This is how human beings smell.

- Oh...okay.

[upbeat pop music]


- Mom, I know
it's only 9:00 a.m.,

but can we order pizza?

Seriously, I've been having
erotic dreams about pizza.

Like, I'm about to kiss a boy

and then his tongue
just turns into a slice.

- Well, girl, you're back
in the land of Seamless

where you can order the pizza
and the boy.

- Yes.

- Honey, will you sit down
for a second?

I want to share something
with you.

- Okay.

- [sighs]

So while you've been in India,

I've been going through
a bit of an identity issue.

- Mm.

Gay or transitioning?

- What?
- Into a man?

- No. Why would you go there?

- Because you're tall, and Dad
always said you had man hands.

- When did he say that?
- I wouldn't care.

In India, they're known
as hijras,

and they're very accepted.

They're even legally recognized
as a third gender

on their passports, so.

- Okay, that's good to know,

but that's not my issue.

- What is it, then?

- The issue is...

- [mouthing]

- Brooklyn.
- What?

- Yes. Yes, that's it.
I love it.

I love it, and I just don't
identify with New Jersey

the way that I used to.

- Well, Mom, that's really nice,

but right now I need to sleep

Like, for a week.

All right, can you please
deliver the pizza to my bedroom?

Thank you.

- Wow, if she was okay
with a sex change,

maybe this won't be
such a big deal.

[electronic pop music]


- So I'm about to pitch a book
at morning meeting.

And I need your opinion.
- Sure.

- It's a Tumblr that's
being shopped around.


You got to tell me
if you think I'm crazy.

[rock music]

What do you think?

- many things.

- [chuckles]
Come on.

- [whispering]

Oh, my God.

- It's one of the most popular
Tumblrs out there,

written by a woman who's a
freelance writer at "Jezebel."

[all chuckling]


- Oh...
- Excuse me.

How exactly is this a book?

It's pornographic
Internet nonsense.

- I mean, I wouldn't exactly
classify oral sex as pornography

unless you're trying
to throw us back

to the "Let's ban 'Lolita'" era.

- It's a list.
It's not literature.

- I agree, but it is
a fun, silly book

that will sell

to a young audience,
which is what we're after.

- Uh, yes.

I mean, it's like, uh,
"Goodnight Moon" for adults...

With blowjobs.
- Yes.

- Charles?

- I'd at least like to see
some more positive thoughts.

- Oh, of course.

Number 69.


- Okay, that's a start.

[upbeat music]

- You're not seriously
entertaining this?

- Well, it is entertaining,

but I'm not sure
I can see it in the place

that J.D. Salinger
once called home.

- [sighs]
Oh, thank God.

Will I see you at the Bobby Flay
meeting this afternoon?

He's shopping his new cookbook.

I think it's important
you say hello.

- Damn, I forgot
to mention Bobby wanted

to move the meeting
to his restaurant.

Um, can you make that
dinner tonight?

- Um...I will have
to check my calendar.

Probably have to rearrange
a bunch of things, but...

- Thank you.

[funky music]


- Liza, get in here,
and shut the door.


- Is something wrong?

- Charles just asked me
to dinner.

- He did?

- Yes, at Bobby Flay's

We're going to meet him
about his new cookbook.

- Oh, so it's a business dinner.

- Are you suggesting I think
it's something more?

- Of course not.

- I need you to download the
menu and wine and cocktail list,

and make sure the barman knows
how to make a dry negroni.

- Absolutely.

- And call Davide at Barney's.
He has my sizes.

I need something simple
and stunning.

- Calling.
[tongue clicks]

- I'm gonna show him what a
perfect power couple we can be.

[electronic music]


- Nice try in there.

I just don't think
it's Empirical.

- I don't think you realize
how commercial this is.

- Swing and a miss.

Just, uh, just keep looking
for the next Bjornberg.


- So a Brunello di Montalcino
is aged at least four years,

where a Rosso di Montalcino
is much younger and cheaper.

- I think I like
the Rosso better.

- Are you in the wine business?

- No, I just drink a lot of it.
[all laugh]

- Okay, who's over 21 here?

- Hi, Mrs. Miller.
- Hi, Mom.

- We're not drinking.

We're just having
a wine tasting.

- Mm,
Caitlin, why didn't you tell me

Padma and Michaela
were coming for dinner?

- Oh, no, Mom,
you don't have to cook.

We're going out.
- We missed out girl.

We drove in from New Jersey
to surprise her.

- Where are you guys gonna go?

- Uh, we're meeting some
of Michaela's friends from NYU.

Are you ready?
- Yeah.

- Yeah. Okay.
Love you, Mom.

- Love you too.
- Thanks for the wine tasting.

- We won't be out too late.
- Nice to meet you.

- We love your art.
- Thank you.

- Bye, Maggie.
- Ciao.

- Be safe.
- Ugh, so cute.

- Okay, what just
happened there?

- Uh, that's your daughter
having a life.

I suggest you do the same.

- Wh--excuse me?
- Go see Josh.

You got to grab your moments
while you can.

- Ugh, I think I should
give him more time.

- Time to do what?
Go meet somebody else?

- That might be for the best.

I mean, I--I worry
that I really may not be

the person that
he fell in love with

- Liza, don't reject yourself.


- Dude, come on.
- No, dude, just wait--

- Ooh.

- Ah!
- All right, stop.

- Nope. Nope.

Not mid-mission.
- Dude!

[electronic video game buzzing]

Ah, it's Liza.

- What?

- She wants to do
something tonight.

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
The answer is no.

- Dude, what is your problem?

- Wha--are you kidding me?
She's a nut job.

She should be locked up
in some sort of cougar prison.

- Dude, that is--

That's not true.
- Come on, man.

She stepped on your heart.
She destroyed your soul.

She's a sexual grifter.

- Will you just give me
my phone back?

- Fine...

but don't expect me to be around
to pick up the pieces.

- [sighs]
- Can I eat the dumplings?

- Okay, I'm getting
the three dots.

Will someone please
explain the dots to me?

- I think the dots are when
someone's typing or thinking.

- Okay, now the dots went away.
There's nothing.

- Oh, the dots can be
very fickle.

- They're back.

Yes! East River Bar at 9:00.

Oh, I don't know.
What if Caitlin comes home?

- Hm, don't worry.
I'll keep her distracted.

Nobody cock blocks mama.

- [scoffs]

[Courtney Barnett's
"Pickles From A Jar" playing]

- * We couldn't be
more contrary if we tried *


- Hey, what's going on?

- Oh, um, I'm just waiting
for my boyfriend.

- No worries.

Mind if I wait with you?

- Uh, sure,

but you might just have
to get up when he gets here.

- He's not gonna,
like, beat me up

if he sees me talking to you,

- [chuckles]
I don't think so, but...


- You looked lonely.

- * I say ooh,
you say aah *

- Why are you so shy?
- [groans]

I'm not shy.
- Yeah, you are.

Sitting here by yourself
like a little introvert.

I bet people think
that you're snobby,

but you're really
just quiet, right?

- Mm, you nailed me.
- Yeah.

- I like quiet girls.

You know, quiet's the new sexy.
- Mm.

- So why don't you
come out of that hard shell

and tell me what else
I should know about you?

- My daughter just came home
from college, and I'm in my 40s.

- I saw my friends, so...

I got to go,

but take it easy.

- * I say "you,"
you say "am I" *


* You like mornings,
I like nights *


* I love you
till the day I die *

[big band music]

- How is your
habanero-glazed yellowtail?

- Delicious,
I think this is the first time

that a client's ever
wined and dined me.

- We need to sign more chefs.
- Yeah, we do.

I, actually, don't know if
you're aware of the statistics,

but the sale
of physical cookbooks--

Stronger than ever.
- Of course.

- Yeah, it's a real
bright spot out there.

That's why it's worth
the effort to sign Flay.

- I think he's gonna find
the combination of us

as a team hard to resist.

- Yeah.
That and the money.

- [laughs]

Do you ever cook
for yourself, Charles?

- Uh, no,
not in the city,

but I love to barbecue

at the house in Pound Ridge.

How about you?
- Oh, sure, yeah.

- I like to bake, grill,

spit roast.

Show me a nice piece of meat,
I can't keep my hands off it.


You should invite me up
to Pound Ridge sometime.

I'll show you what I mean.

- Uh--
- Peppercorn shrimp.

- Oh, that looks wonderful.
- Delicious.

- Mm--oh.

Um, Charles, I just want to say,

regardless of what happens
with Bobby,

it has been so nice spending
quality time with you.


- Diana, I think you have a--
one of your, um...

You have a little bit of, um--

- Hey, guys.
- Oh.

- Sorry I kept you waiting.
How's dinner?

- Oh, simply sensational.
You are a genius.

- I was just telling Diana

what an enormous fan I am
of yours, Bobby.

"Boy Meets Grill" is my Bible.

- Oh. Oh, my God.

- Yeah, you chipped your tooth.
Didn't you?

Yeah, on a peppercorn?

My peppercorn shrimp?

- You know, I have weak teeth.

It's, um, my family's
from England,

on my mother's side.

- Yeah, I--you know what.

Actually, I know a dentist.
She works in midtown.

She works nights.
I'm gonna go call her right now.

- Bobby, you--Bobby.
- That's not necessary.




so sorry.

- Uh, excuse me.
I'm sorry.

I'm saving this seat.
- Can my ass save it for you?

[all laugh]
- Uh...

actually, uh, my boyfriend,
he's on his way.

He'll be here any minute.
- Don't be such a bitch.

- I'm not being a bitch.

- [scoffs]

[indie rock music]

- * I don't need you anymore *

* Well, we made
our plans with you *

* Let 'em all fall through *

* You took my hand,
and I put my trust in you *

* Then you let go

- Charles, it's very nice
of you to come with me.

It's really not necessary.

- It's not a problem.

I just want to make sure
that someone's here.

- Such a gentleman.

I feel like
a toothless Cinderella.


- Hello.

- Dr., uh, Sarkisian?

- Yes.
Please, come in.

Is this okay?

- I'm--it's fine.
I really have no gag reflex.

- Okay, open.
What did you try to do?

Crack a walnut?

Your wife did some damage here.

- Uh, no, no, no, no.

Um, not my wife,

a business associate.

We were having
a business dinner.

- Oh, I was wondering
where that ring was.

- Nope, single.
- Same here.

It's not easy to date
when you work late nights.

- Well, I'm sure there are lots
of men who wouldn't mind

waiting up for you,
Dr. Sarkisian.

- [chuckles]
Unless they happen to wander

into my office
with a dental emergency,

I'm not meeting them,

and it's Lisa.

- Charles.
- Yeah, it's re--

- Please.
Keep still.

[upbeat music]


- I just can't believe it.

I knew he couldn't
handle my age,

but what kind of
a person stands someone up

and breaks up with them
with a text?

How about telling me
you can't make it work

before I get a beer
spilled all over me

by a bunch of drunk mean girls?

- Look, he's in his 20s.

He's not so mature,

and he can't process
all of his emotions.

You knew that was the risk
in telling him the truth.

- Yeah, but I had to tell him.

And you know what,
maybe I deserved that tonight.

- [scoffs]

- Besides, it's one less thing

I have to explain to
Caitlin--who, by the way,

I should never have let
go out tonight by herself.

- Uh, she just spent
the past six months in India.

I'm pretty sure
she can manage Brooklyn.

- Yeah, I'm gonna
wait up for her.

- [sighs]

I'm sorry, it'll all
feel better in the morning.

- Mm, it's fine.

It's time to move on.

- Night.

[soft music]

- Ugh.


[mellow music]



[pop music]


- How was dinner last night?

- About as enjoyable
as a root canal.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
How was the food?

- Stop grilling me, Liza!

[phone ringing]

- Hello, Diana Trout's office.

It's a Dr. Sarkisian for you?

[quirky music]


- Hello?
- Diana, it's Dr. Sarkisian.

I'm just checking in on you.
How is that temp holding up?

- It seems fine so far.

Thank you for your call.
- Of course.

My patients are like
family to me.

Just remember to eat soft foods
for the next few days.

- I won't forget.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I--

- Can I ask you a favor?

- Of course.

- Would you mind
transferring me to Charles?

[knock on door]

- Liza, transfer this call

to Time Warner Cable
customer service.

- We got the book.

- What?

- I think that Bobby

felt so bad about everything
he's signing with us.

- [sputters]

What a night.

- Good job, tooth.

- Good job...tooth.

- Damn it.


- Is everything okay?

- "100 Things Women Think About
While Giving Blowjobs"

just sold to Little Brown.

- You've got good instincts.

- Yeah, but I hate to lose.

- I know the feeling.

I think I lost last night.

- What?

- Mm.
- Off again?

- Stood me up at a bar

and broke up with me
with a text.

- That's really lame.
- [chuckles]

It's okay.

- On again, off again.


It's all gonna get better
in our 30s.

- [chuckles]


[funky music]


- [sighs]


- So the green one, I think,
would be perfect on my mom.

- Oh, she's gonna love that.

- Hey.
- Mom!

Sorry I missed you last night.

You were asleep when I got home.

- Yeah, you guys
definitely got back late.

Did you have fun?
- Oh, the best time.


- What is it you wanted
to show me?

- Oh, okay.

Are you ready?

- Yes.
- [squeals]

* Ta-da

[tense music]

It's "namaste" in Sanskrit,

to commemorate my time in India.

Isn't it gorgeous?

What do you think?

- Where did you get that?
- Ugh, from the hottest guy.

He owns this place called,

Just a couple blocks from here.

- Did you see this?
- Oh, yeah.

- Are you mad?

- Please don't be mad.

- Uh, not at you.

Excuse me.

- Mom, where are you going?

Mom, you can't just go yell
at the tattoo guy.

[rock music]



- Hey, you.
You okay?

- No, I am not okay.
- Whoa...

- You gave my daughter
a tattoo last night.

- What're you talking about?

- Namaste.

- [laughs]

Oh, my--

Oh, my God.

I--I did not know that
that was your daughter.

I--there were four girls.

They all came in here
at the same time.

I--I had no idea.

- Yep, right on the side boob
in Sanskrit.

- Yeah.
- Marked for life.

- [groans]
- Thank you very much.

And then you stood me up
at a bar

and broke with me with a text,
which I guess I deserve,

but it still made me
feel like crap.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa.

I didn't stand you up,

and I definitely didn't
break up with you.

- Oh, no?

Sorry, can't make it work.

- Babe...

Uh, it's, "Sorry.

"Can't make it.


You know, on account
of the four girls

that just barged into my shop.

- Have you ever
heard of punctuation?

- I mean, I thought
the meaning was pretty obvious.

- Well, not at the time.

- Yeah, I see that.

- So you didn't mean
to break up with me?

- No.

- Good,

'cause I was really sad
thinking that's what happened.

- Oh...

I'm sorry...

about everything.

[Koudlam's "See You All" plays]

Is there any chance

I can try and make it up to you?


- I only have time
for a quickie apology.

- Mm.

Quickies are my specialty.
- [chuckles]


- * I can't see you all *

* Take him down

* A river
feels like a holy *

* I can't see you all *

* See you all
if you're on me *

* I say, "Hey"

* "I want you, girl"