Young & Hungry (2014–…): Season 4, Episode 7 - Young & Bowling - full transcript

Good morning, Josh.

Morning? It feels
more like afternoon.

I've been up since 3:00 a.m. on a conference
call to China, and now I'm all grumpy--

Mmm!

A smoothie.

Good morning, Josh.

Mm. Can't talk, Sofia. Smoothie.

Gabi, a package came for you.

It looked important,
so I brought it right over.

But don't worry, I did not open it.

Congratulations!

What?

How would I know? I didn't open it.

Oh, my God!

I won the San Francisco Examiner's

Recipe with Relatives
contest, and there's a--

Five thousand dollar prize!

I opened it.

"In order to collect the prize
money, you must submit a video

of the two relatives
baking together."

Well, there goes that. I submitted Aunt
Chris's blueberry sour cream pie recipe.

Gabi and her aunt are estranged.

I don't want to talk about it.

They haven't talked in like ten years,
and now nobody knows where she is.

Give me her name.
I'll find her in two seconds.

We live in a digital world, Gabi,

and in that world, I'm a god!

I just told you, Josh,
I don't want to talk about it.

As you can see,
it's a touchy subject.

And even though $5,000 is like
a million dollars to us,

and it sure would be nice to be able to afford
nice things, like two-ply toilet paper,

I totally understand why she doesn't want
to find Chris Zarckaedes, with a "Z."

Sofia, what are you doing?

Gabi, it's just so sad.
You guys were so close.

Yeah, until she abandoned my family and
didn't even come to my mom's funeral.

I don't want to see her, I don't want to
talk to her, I don't want to find her.

Found her.

Oh, my God. She's alive?
Where is she? I don't care.

Uh... It says there is
a Chris Zarckaedes

who plays on a bowling team
called The Pin Crushers.

Oh, she did like to bowl,
remember, Gabi?

She always used to say, "My mind is in
the gutter, but my balls never are."

Hey, I just got that!

It says The Pin Crushers
play right here in town.

Wait. My aunt's in San Francisco?

I don't care. Where does she play?

- The Alley.
- I don't care.

The one downtown or the one on Third?

You know what? It doesn't matter,

because I don't care.

Then why do you keep asking
so many questions?

'Cause I kind of care.

♪ She in the spotlight ♪

♪ And she turn my head ♪

♪ She run a red light ♪

♪ 'Cause she bad like that ♪

♪ I like that Ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ I like that Ooh, baby, ooh, baby ♪

Oh, my God. Did I forget about
a dinner Josh is having tonight?

No, relax.

Josh said I could have my
Gambler's Anonymous meeting here.

Wow, between that
and Overeater's Anonymous,

do you even know any of your friends?

Who's excited to go bowling?

Not me.

Well, you will be
when I tell you this.

Bottomless pitchers for five dollars.

Uh, Sofia, I may be seeing my
aunt I haven't seen in 10 years.

Do you think beer's
gonna help me? I need tequila!

And check it out.
I found these old photos of her.

Oh, you can really see the tattoo
I picked out for her in that one.

Aw, it's a slice of pie with the
words "Cutie Pie" around it.

Mm-hmm.

All right, I'm off to apply for jobs,

just to see if I can get 'em.

Hey, uh, Gabi,
good luck finding your aunt.

I'm proud of you. It's important
to face your past.

Thank you.

- Hey, do you want to come with us?
- No. Never.

Never, never, never.

Josh doesn't do the bowling.

Why not?

It's too painful to talk about.

I was a bowling prodigy.

I was 12 years old, bowling better
than men three times my age,

I was scouted to go pro.
Could've been one of the greats,

- like Herman Lapuce.
- Who?

The point is, I was great...

bordering on legendary.

Okay, how is that painful?
That sounds really good.

Good? It was epic.

Until tragedy struck.

I can't even talk about it.

It was the state finals.

It was the last frame, and I needed
a strike to win, when Pam Dorsey,

the prettiest girl in school,
came up to me and she said...

Josh, if you win that trophy,
I'll be your girlfriend.

No!

Haven't been to a bowling
alley since then.

Never want to relive
that part of my life again.

I'm sorry. Didn't you just say it
was important to face your past?

Oh, your past, not mine.

Why do I have to face my past
if he's not gonna?

Because we have $5,000 on the line.

I don't care. If he's not
going, I'm not going.

- I guess neither one of us is going.
- What?

No, no, no. Josh,
you have to be supportive. Okay?

Gabi hasn't seen
her aunt in 10 years.

This is the last connection
she has to her mom.

How could you not go?

Well, when you put it that way,
I guess my only option is...

to be a hero.

Yolanda!

Hi, Elliot!

I thought you went home.

I thought you were hosting your
Gambler's Anonymous meeting.

I am! Um...

I would introduce you
to everybody, uh,

but it's anonymous.

Okay, fine you caught me.
It's a damn poker game.

You happy?

I will be, when I have
a drink in one hand

and your paycheck in the other.

Deal me in.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

It's not strip poker, is it?

No!

Good.

I'm willing to risk
my money, not my eyesight.

Oh, boy. Here we are.

The smell of the shoes,
the glare of the neon,

it's all coming back to me.

Hey, I'm gonna go throw up.

Oh, there they are, the Pin Crushers.

Oh, thank God! They're all guys.

I don't have to face
my past. Let's go.

Hold it. Not that one. Look at her.

She's blonde and she looks like she
could abandon her family for no reason.

Chris? Chris Zarckaedes?

Hello!

Oh, hello.

- Are you talking to me?
- Oh, we were.

Until you were black.

Excuse me?

Oh, no, no. It's nothing
like that, you know.

I'm brown, I'm down.

No, no. We're looking
for someone who's related

to this super blonde,
super white girl.

Did I hear you say Chris Zarckaedes?

- Yeah.
- He's right there.

Oh. You're Chris Zarckaedes?

Gee, thanks. You sound
like my blind date last night.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We're just looking for someone
who has your same name,

but you're definitely not her
because, you, sir, are a man.

And you are in my way.

I hate to be rude, but I have
a big tournament tomorrow,

and I got to get
a few frames in here.

Okay, I'm sorry. Let me
just get out of your way.

Okay! Okay.

Cutie Pie?

- Cutie pie.
- Hey.

I'm sorry that woman
wasn't your aunt.

Yeah, but I think that man might be.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Gabi, calm down.

Just because his name
is Chris Zarckaedes

and he has a blueberry pie tattoo that says
"Cutie Pie" on his left arm, doesn't mean--

Holy crap! That man is your aunt.

That man is my aunt.

That man...

is my aunt.

Actually, I think
he's your uncle now.

That man who was
my aunt is now my uncle.

Mm!

Seven ten split on lane six.

It's a tough break.

Are you gonna rent the shoes or not?

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I gave up dancing
with the pins a long time ago.

What's my story, you ask?

Did you ever hear
of a young bowler named

Josh "King of the Turkeys" Kaminski?

Nope.

Some say he could've been the best.

Tragically, his career was cut short.

Let me guess.

He was a loser kid that
sucked at everything but bowling

and choked when it was
all on the line?

So you have heard of him.

Okay. I'm gonna go
talk to him. I'm ready.

Not ready yet.

I get it. You know,
you're freaking out

because your aunt is now your uncle.

No, no. I am surprised
that my aunt is now my uncle,

but I'm freaking out because
before my aunt was my uncle,

she completely abandoned our family,

and I always had this fantasy
that if I ever saw her again,

I would hug her or I would
punch her or I would do both,

but now, I am so confused,
I don't know what to do.

Well, what's your heart
telling you to do?

It's telling me that I should go
over there and talk to him

and connect with him
and tell him who I am.

- Then do it.
- Okay.

I'm gonna do it.
Except one more thing.

Hi. Can we get
another pitcher, please?

Whoa, Elliot.
You've lost a lot of chips.

Maybe you're right.

This is probably my last hand.

I might as well
put in all my chippies.

I raise 200.

But I put in all my chippies!

- Looks like you have to fold.
- No!

Uh... uh...

I call!

Your wedding ring?

Damn, this is getting good!

What you got?

Straight flush.

Queen high, and I'm not just
talking about my cards, what!

- Unbelievable.
- I know.

- I won! I won!
- Not so fast, Queenie!

Straight flush. King high,

or as I like to call it, "King, hey!"

Oh, my God, my ring!

You mean, my ring?

Look, Yolanda, I can't lose my ring.

Alan will kill me.

Aw, as wonderful
as that might sound...

you're not getting it back.

Yolanda, please. I'll do anything.

Fine. I'll give it back to you,

if you do all my work for one week.

You mean drink scotch
and pretend to vacuum?

Done!

Hi, I'm back.

I see that.

Don't you want to know why I'm back?

Not really. Like I said, we're
in the middle of practice.

Okay, got it. I'll talk fast.

My name's Gabi Diamond,
my mom's name is Sarah.

Well, I grew up in Florida,
and moved to San Francisco

to pursue my dream of being a chef,

which was inspired in part by
baking with my aunt as a child.

So much so that I entered her
blueberry sour cream pie recipe

in a contest and won $5,000, which I
would really like to share with my aunt

if you would just tell me
that you are him.

Excuse me, my buddies
are waiting for me.

Cool, cool, cool.
So, here's the thing...

I saw your tattoo--
your "Cutie Pie" tattoo?

I was with you when you got it, and I
don't mean to make you uncomfortable,

but I was so angry at you,
and now that I've seen you,

I just miss you.
Don't you miss me too?

What I'm missing is my turn.

You can't take your turn
without your ball.

- Are you serious?
- Just tell me you're my aunt.

Give me my ball.

- Tell me you're my aunt.
- Give me my ball.

- Tell me you're my aunt!
- I'm your aunt!

They don't know?

That there's ants!

Ants, ants, everywhere!

Oh, my God, they're on the ball! Eww!

- Aah! Aah! Aah!
- Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry, Uncle Chris.

Did you hear that? Uncle Chris!

Aw. Gabi, don't look so down.

Why not? I ruined the one chance I
had to reconnect with my uncle.

And then I dropped a bowling ball
on his foot and I broke his toe.

I made a mess of everything.

Not everything.

Oh, my God! You contacted Uncle Chris

and you told him how horrible I felt and
now he's here to patch things up with me.

Not quite.

But Lil' So-So don't let go of five
Gs without getting some backup.

We may not have your aunt,
but we have an aunt.

Meet Sigourney Simone,
regional theater actress.

- My headshot and...
- résumé.

Really, Sofia? You think we can
just hire someone to play my aunt?

Not just someone. You're talking to the
thespian who recently played the role

of "Confused Older Woman"
in a Life Alarm ad.

My line was, "I've fallen,
and I can't remember my name."

I'm sorry. It was
last minute, on Craigslist.

So, what can you tell me
about the role of Aunt Chris?

Well, first of all, I don't do this.

Your Aunt Chris?

This could be my greatest role yet!

Well, thank you so much, Sigourney.

We'll have our people call
your people.

Oh, if my manager sounds like
me, don't let it confuse you.

Okay. Uh... So, I'm gonna take down
that ad and give you two some privacy.

Uncle Chris, what are you doing here?

I didn't like the way things
ended between us.

You know, with me spending four
hours at urgent care and all.

I'm so sorry about your foot,

but after I almost outed you,

I guess I was
just trying to "in" you.

I'm sorry, but after 10 years,
I had a lot to say.

- I get it.
- Do you?

Yeah. I left without saying goodbye,

and you're mad about it.

Mad?

Yeah, yeah, I'm mad.

I get that you wanted to move
away and start a new life,

but you didn't have
to cut me out of it!

My mom was sick and
you disappeared from her life.

And you didn't even come
to her funeral.

How could you not come
to her funeral?

I was there.

No, you weren't.
I looked all over for you.

Really? We're you looking for this?

Good point.

I sat in the back.

Had I come as the new me,

we would have had another funeral
the next day for your grandfather.

Believe me,

I wish I had spent more time with
your mom before she passed away.

I regret it every day.

You look so much like her.

Oh, thanks.

You don't.

You know how many times that
I've looked you up on Facebook?

How many times I've almost
knocked at your door?

Well, why didn't you?

Because it was hard.

This whole thing...

You think it's easy
to just tell people?

It changes the way
they look at you forever.

Not me.

Yeah, right. Like you haven't been
sitting here, trying to picture me

without this beard the
whole time I've been here.

I think you look
really good with a beard.

I take after Grandma!

- I missed you, Gabi.
- I missed you, Uncle Chris.

And I'm very sorry about your toe.

I forgive you,
but my teammates aren't gonna.

The Pin Crushers are gonna have to forfeit
the tournament tomorrow without me.

Not if you agree to do
the video for the contest!

We happen to know an amazing bowler!

You haven't changed a bit, Sofia.

You have!

Josh!

Guess what time it is.

Smoothie o'clock for the best
bowler in San Francisco.

Why did you say bowler?

Because I really need you.

The answer is no.

And there's nothing you can say
that's gonna make me feel--

Gabi. Look, you don't understand.

Okay, I know
this might sound silly to you,

but that day I lost in the state finals
was one of the worst days of my life.

Before that, I was this fun,
outgoing kid.

And when I lost, I became so insecure,
I just locked myself in my room

and played on my computer all day.

Yeah, and look how well
that turned out for you.

What are you talking about?

Josh, look around!

You're a huge, successful
millionaire! Okay?

And do you ever think maybe if you
were happy and secure back then,

you would have all of this?

And a personal chef who's willing to
make you a smoothie night or day...

and is a friend who really needs you.

Smoothie.

Missed a spot.

I'll get it.

I know!

Hey, Sweetie. Ready for lunch?

I'll be right out.

Yolanda, can I borrow my ring,
just for lunch?

I would...

but I don't wanna!

Fine. I'll be back in an hour.

Thanks for pressing
the button for me.

My hands are so tired
from... hand stuff.

Since when do your hands
get tired from hand stuff?

I knew it! You're not
wearing your wedding ring!

- I can explain.
- You don't have to. I know why.

You do?

That cheap fake ring
turned your finger green.

Let me explain.

When you went swimming in Hawaii and
asked me to hold onto your ring,

I was so distracted by the different
blintz toppings at the buffet, I lost it.

And I didn't have enough money
to replace it,

so I got you a cheap
knockoff. I'm so sorry.

You know what, honey?

It's gonna take a while,
but eventually I'll forgive you.

I'm glad you told me the truth.

Me too. The lies were killing me.

It's really true what they say:
the truth will set you free.

You have no idea.

So, where's the famous bowler
you said could fill in for me?

He's coming. I hope. I used my charm.

Uh-oh.

He's here.

The King of the Turkeys... is back!

You faced your fears, Gabi.

Maybe it's time I faced mine.

Maybe it's time you stopped
talking like Batman.

Sorry, I can't hear you.

Destiny's calling.

Wait. What's happening?

Well, now we're down by a strike.

Which is kind of ironic 'cause that's
what we were down by in the state finals

when I blew it, but I'm not
thinking about that.

I know you can do it, Josh!

I don't know if he can do it.

Here we are, old friend.

Not too many people get
a second shot,

but here we are, we got one.

Roll strong.

Roll true.

Why is that fool talking to his ball?

He's not gonna do something
freaky with it, is he?

I don't know. He did take
it into the bathroom.

We won! We won!

Thank you, Cutie Pie.

Any time, Uncle Chris.

You're amazing!

Finally, redemption.

Really? I thought after
you faced your fears,

you were gonna stop talking like that.
No, it's fine!

A two-hour lunch?
What the hell were you thinking?

You don't have time to answer that.

Just get this place in shipshape.

Josh is on his way home.

Yolanda!

You want this ring?

You best make that vacuum sing.

I've got one for you.

Kiss my ass, that ring is brass.

Say what?

Turns out,

Alan lost the real one in Hawaii.

Happy cleaning, bitch.